Emotions

I do not own / am not associated with the NBC show The Black Donnellys in any way.

(Unfortunately...)

Tommy opened the door of the cab almost before it had fully come to a stop. He overpaid the driver and dashed into the Firecracker where he found Sarah sitting at the bar and Joey Ice-cream behind it, both smiling and chatting over a beer. Even though they were laughing, he was almost an hour late in meeting her and knew how upset she would be.

When she heard the door of the pub open, she immediately stopped laughing and put her pint down, but didn't turn to face him.

"Sarah, I'm so sorry," he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. She gave him no response at all but took another sip of her pint.

"Tommy, I didn't even notice you come in, how you doing?" Joey looked up and smiled.

Tommy looked around at the empty pub, then back at him grinning behind the bar. "Joey, out."

"That's so funny 'cause we were just talking about you." He continued on, not even paying attention to Tommy.

"Hey Joey," Tommy continued to look around.

"Yeah Tommy?"

"Are you the only one in here?" He put his hand to his chin.

"Yeah, and good thing too or Sarah wouldn't have been able to get in."

"Oh yeah? And were any of my brothers here before Sarah got here?"

"No..." he answered hesitantly.

"Then tell me how the hell it is that you got in here all by yourself?" Tommy cocked an eyebrow at Joey who looked like a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming truck.

"Uh, you know what? I think I was supposed to be somewhere, I better go before I'm late." Joey downed his drink faster than a cactus in the desert and took off from the bar.

"Sarah," he pulled out the stool next to her and sat down.

"What are you doing Tommy?" She still didn't look up at him, but focused on the head of her beer.

"What?"

"Tommy, my family is at stake here, my father's life. I can't risk him getting hurt."

"Sarah, I'm not trying to get anyone hurt. I'm actually trying to protect everyone here, but I'm only one person you know?" he shook his head exasperated with the whole situation he and his brothers had put everyone else close to him in.

"Tommy," she paused for a moment before looking him square in the eyes. "Look Tommy, it took a long time for me to trust you, you know that."

"But Sarah," he almost knew where this was going before she even continued.

"Just wait a second and hear me out this time okay?"

"All right, I'm sorry."

"I know you are Tommy, and I know you didn't mean for any of this to happen. It was the decision of your idiotic brother that created this whole mess and you were just trying to protect your family. I can understand that," she sighed.

"Thank you," Tommy sighed, relieved.

"Actually, I think I understand that better than ever now," she shook her head.

"What do you mean?" he cocked his head at her answer.

"I mean Tommy, that I understand that family comes before everything, and that you'd do anything to keep them safe." She drew lines up and down her cold pint glass connecting the beads of condensation until they pooled around the bottom. "And if protecting family means making huge decisions and sacrifices then that's just how it has to be." If it weren't for the slight quiver in her bottom lip, he would have had no idea of the turmoil her mind and heart were in at that moment.

"Sarah, what are you trying to say here?" His heart thumped in his chest.

"What I'm trying to say Tommy," she gripped the bottom of the glass firmly with both hands, looking at it instead of him beside her. "What I'm trying to say is that, to protect my father, I have to stay away from you."

"Sarah, come on, we've been through this already. We can do this, we can work it out. This just needs some time to blow over."

"Blow over? Some time? Tommy, this has been going on for more than half a year, murdering members of the mob isn't exactly something that just blows over, even if your intentions were good." She could feel his anger and frustration emanating from him like heat from the midday sun.

"Sarah, don't do this all right? Please don't do this again." He threw his hands up. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you earlier but this is not the type of thing you bring up on a first date."

Frustrated and angry herself, she got up from her seat and walked out onto the floor. "Tommy, I'm only doing what you did, making a tough decision for the better of my family."

"Sarah, this isn't the same thing! They were going to kill Jimmy if I hadn't stopped them first! Do you actually think that I had a choice here? They almost beat Seany to death! How long till they went after Kevin or my mother huh?!" He stood up and yelled.

"How long till they come after me or my father Tommy! How long before I go out one night and don't come back, huh? Is that what you want? Is it?!" She was near tears with emotion as she stood across the room from him. She loved him but couldn't bare if anything happened to her father, who himself had sacrificed so much for her to be able to enjoy all the things in life.

"Sarah," he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her tightly. He could feel the tears burning behind his eyes. She shook as he held her, crying softly into his shoulder. "Sarah," he put his chin on her head. "Please don't do this right now, I need you. You're the only good thing I have right now. I can't lose you." He held on to her so tightly that it made it hard for her to breathe.

"Tommy!" She pushed herself away from him sobbing. "Don't make this harder than it already is, please! I'm all he has."

"You're all I have Sarah."

"Tommy, you have your mother, Seany, Kevin, Jimmy..."

"Sarah, you're the only one I can feel close to."

"Well..." she wiped her face and crossed her arms, stiffening up. "If they don't do it for you, you can always go to Jenny." She stared him straight in the eye.

"Is that what this is all about, Jenny?" Tommy ran his hands through his hair. Again he thought of losing it all scurried through his mind. "Sarah, there's nothing there, there's nothing happening between us. It's just you I swear," he put his right hand up.

"You're so quick to swear but you won't tell me what you're doing over at her apartment." Sarah walked back over to the bar to pour herself a shot of whisky.

"We weren't doing anything! Dokey had just been at the diner giving her a hard time about me and I was tying to clear things up. That's all! She's pissed because of me. I was trying to figure out what was going on, and why they were visiting her."

"Tommy, you don't have to treat me with kid gloves you know, I know what happened between the two of you. I've always known. I know you loved her, and you still do." She sat down on the bar stool, exasperated and shaking from the overwhelming emotions she was feeling at that very moment. Taking another shot and wiping her face of the tears, she let her own words sink in. She wasn't even thinking when she had said them, they just came out without even a second thought.

"Sarah," he sat down next to her at the bar, "I love you, just you." He brushed her fiery hair out of her face and behind her ear as she stared down at the counter top. "Jenny was the past, and that's where she's staying. I mean, Jenny and I have known each other a long time but we're just friends, if that even."

"Tommy," she relished in the feel of his palm against her cheek, of his fingers in her hair. Taking her head his hands, he kissed her with everything he had in him, pulling her off of the stool and closer to him.

"Tommy!" Sarah again pushed herself away from him. "I can't!" She wiped her face of the remaining tears that had managed to squeeze their way out. "I can't do this anymore." Sarah looked up at him with eyes so sad it tore him apart. "I'm sorry," she shrugged shaking her head, and exhaled slowly.

"Sarah..." he whimpered, tears welling in his eyes as she got back up from her chair. She said nothing but walked away slowly heading for the door. She didn't turn around once as she left the Firecracker, the door slowly closing behind her.