Disclaimer: Twilight, its locale, the long list of characters and their various escapades do not belong to me, but to Stephenie Meyer. In case you didn't know.

***** Chapter 9 – New Year, New Words *****

B: If you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you go?

J: What's your current location? ; )

B: Ha ha. Very smooth. Now, answer the question.

J: Anywhere in the world?

B: Yep

J: I think it would be nice to travel to Italy. I've seen a little of Europe, but have never made it there. You?

B: No thought needed there, Ireland. All those green hills, the rocky cliffs overlooking the sea, the ancient crumbling churches.

J: So, what's stopping you?

B: Edward hates the cold, damp climate. He has no desire to travel to the United Kingdom. If we ever talk of taking time away from home, he steers us towards some sunny island.

J: I'll travel to yours if you travel to mine.

B: Travel the world with you? Anytime. : )

J: How's next week looking? You gotta give a guy time to get a hold of his travel agent.

B: If only…

J: I know, me too.

Bella looked wistfully at her phone, before placing it back down on her desk. Some days she questioned if Jasper was even real. Conversations like these, where he had just the right words to make her smile, where he knew just what to say. He made it seem like he would give Bella the world, if only he had the chance. He was charming, endearing, almost perfect.

She entertained thoughts of what it would be like to leave Edward, and start a life with Jasper. Would it last? There were sure to be difficulties if the two houses united. Alice could fade into the background, but Edward? Edward was part of Jasper's family. How did she expect the girls to get through Christmas sharing a table with their father and step-father? Awkward didn't even begin to cover it. Could they weather the inevitable storm that would come with the choice to be together? If it caused trouble for Jasper with his family, would he stand by Bella's side or would he choose blood over their feelings for each other?

Bella contemplated discussing things with Jasper, but part of her didn't want him to take a reality check. What if he examined what they were doing and decided it was best to end it? Could she go back to the way things were before?

They hinted around at their feelings for each other, but neither made declarations or came right out and said anything. They just existed, continuing to intertwine with one another, wrapping over and through the threads of their individual tapestries until the colors bled together. It was thrilling to have the electric energy of their unspoken feelings running like a live wire between the two, but also painful to have this unmet yearning that they chose to ignore time and again.

Jasper had left for a short business trip the day after Christmas. He would be back in time for the family's New Year's Eve celebration, but in the meantime, they spent their free moments exchanging messages with each other.

The Christmas gift had struck a chord in Bella's heart. In one of their random conversations, he had asked what she wanted to be when she grew up. He was surprised to learn that she had rolled around the idea of becoming a writer when she was younger, but had given it up in exchange for a steady, dependable career in the legal field. He hadn't laughed at the idea, but merely stated that it was never too late to begin a new dream. The personalized journal had been a thoughtful way to say that he believed she could do what she imagined, if she only gave it a try.

A friendly voice interrupted Bella's musings, "Someone looks like she's drifted off to her happy place."

Bella glanced up to find her best friend leaning against the frame of the door to her office, "Sorry, Angela, I was just day dreaming I suppose."
"That much was obvious. Care to share the details? Something has you looking like a high school girl in love. Should I look to see if you were doodling 'B&E' in little hearts on your legal pad? Edward send you an unexpected bouquet of flowers?" the girl teased.

"What? Edward? No, no, I was just thinking. It's nothing. Let me close this document and we can head out for lunch." Bella busied herself about her desk, taking a quick glance at her phone before putting it in her purse.

Angela cocked her head to the side, examining her friend's flustered face. Bella had been such a precious friend the past few months as she recovered from her miscarriage. Always willing to drop everything and come running to her side, their's was a bond as close as sisters. But maybe in the days and weeks of recovering from the loss, while Angela had been rather out of it, she'd missed something going on with the girl. Angela debated pressing Bella about the issue, but decided to let it slide, thinking maybe the real story would come up over chips and salsa at lunch, or maybe it was indeed nothing at all.

Three slightly drunk, yet attractive, men were up on the stage belting out the last lines of Bryan Adam's "Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman?" in a small pub on New Year's Eve.

Out in the crowd, their mother giggled uncontrollably next to two of her daughter-in-laws, watching her sons carry on with wild somewhat off-key abandon, while her husband nursed his beer and shook his head good-naturedly at the public antics of his children.

Coming to a close, holding out the last note much longer than need be, Emmett made sure to grab the mic one last time to declare, "I love you Rosalie! Woo!" before following his brothers off the stage. He rushed out into the audience to grab the blonde by her chin before leaning in to give her a noisy kiss. Completely charmed by her husband's foolish gesture, she grabbed him by his shirt and fully engaged in a lip-lock kiss that left a goofy grin on the man's face when they separated.

Bella just smiled at the two while Edward slid into the seat next to her and Jasper made his way into the chair across the table. Out of the corner of her eye, Bella could see that Alice was still leaning over the bar and having an animated conversation with the young bartender. She was too busy laughing at whatever funny comment he had made and batting her eyes in his direction to pay attention to the group at the table.

Jasper spared a quick glance in the same direction before emptying his glass, standing and walking purposefully off to where his wife was flirting. Bella didn't miss Rosalie's scathing glance towards the young woman, or the look of disapproval that had crossed Emmett's features.

Having gained the family's attention, the group all looked in Jasper's direction as the bartender quickly busied himself with other customers and Alice turned towards her husband. Dressed more for a night of clubbing, her low-cut silver sequined mini was shimmering with the annoyance that vibrated through the raven-haired female. With a hand on each hip, even in four-inch heels, she still had to look up at him while the two were exchanging words.

Edward broke the silence that had settled in the group when he asked, "What's going on with those two?"

Bella held her tongue, but Rosalie possessed less restraint when she lashed out, "Seems the pixie has grown tired of life at home and has decided flying off to some other guy is the answer. I thought it was just one man, but it looks like she's broadening her horizons."

"Babe," Emmett shook his head at his wife, "we weren't supposed to say anything."

"Did you honestly expect me to keep quiet when she flaunts it for the entire family to see, Em? Seriously, by the way she was carrying on with that bartender, I was expecting her to reach across the counter and shove her tongue down his throat any minute. I can't cover up her actions if she's going to go public. God, Jasper has let this thing go on long enough."

"What thing? What's wrong with Jasper and Alice?" Esme asked with concern in her voice, looking back and forth between her son and his spouse.

"Look, mom, it's not my place to say. You need to ask J."

Esme turned to her other child, "Edward, do you know what's going on? Bella?"

Edward shook his head in the negative, and Bella just shrugged trying to look uninvolved in the matter.

"Darling, I think it best if we just calm down and let Jasper handle things. Obviously, things are not going well this evening, it's not going to help if we start hounding him with questions." Carlisle gathered his wife's hand in his, attempting to lower the excitement at the table.

Sparing another glance at the couple in question, the group saw Jasper continuing to speak to Alice until she suddenly threw her hands in the air and turned around, stalking off in the direction of the women's restroom. Jasper ran a hand down his face, then turned to the offending bartender and ordered another drink. His body heaved with a weighted sigh before he took the glass and turned back towards his family. The group tried to avert their eyes quickly, looking as "normal" as they could.

"So, who's up for a round of darts?" Jasper questioned the table upon his return.

"I got you, man." Emmett stood up, "Ed, you in?"

Edward finished off his glass, squeezed Bella's hand before joining his brothers in heading off in the direction of the pub's dart boards.

A few minutes had passed awkwardly between the remaining family members before Alice showed up and began gathering her purse and jacket.

"Going somewhere, Alice?" Rosalie questioned, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I'm going to head out with Jess for the rest of the evening. We've got some family in from out-of-town and I told her I'd make sure to spend some of the holiday with them."

"Oh, is Jasper leaving with you? He and the boys just started playing darts." Esme inquired of the girl, looking at her daughter-in-law with fresh eyes, hoping to gain some insight as to what was going on.

"No, no, I'm not going to pull him away from you all. I know it's tradition to ring in the New Year together. He knows I'm heading out. I'll just drop a quick goodbye on my way towards the door. You guys go on and have a lovely evening without me."

Alice, considering the matter closed, quickly made her way over to the guys and said a few words, Jasper not even bothering to look her way as he threw another dart towards the board. Edward and Emmett looked at each other and then their brother, waiting for Jasper to say something, anything. When it appeared they weren't going to get any answers to unspoken questions, they too returned to playing the game.

The rest of the evening carried on as planned, though there was an uncomfortable undercurrent that couldn't be dismissed. The girls shared a few more glasses of wine before breaking into Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," and Jasper made himself scarce for the New Year's Eve countdown, not wanting to be around the remaining couples when he found himself single for the rest of the evening.

It was shortly after ringing in the New Year that Bella went looking for him, finding him smoking a cigarette on the outdoor patio, staring at the night sky.

"Decided to start the new year by picking up an old habit?"

Jasper blew out a ring of smoke before turning to her with a worn down glance, "Nah, I just needed the stress relief. It doesn't matter how many years have passed since I quit, there are just some moments that I fall back to it. I'll be back on the wagon come tomorrow, well I guess today."

Bella pulled her arms around herself, trying to hold the heat inside her body while shivering in the frigid night air. Jasper, taking notice of her predicament, removed his jacket and placed it around her shoulders. She inhaled the faint smell of cigarette smoke and his cologne while giving him a grateful smile.

"You should go back in. I'll return just as soon as I finish this."

"I needed a break from your mother demanding we do another song," Bella reasoned, "Plus, look at this clear sky. You can see a million stars. I could get lost wandering among all those constellations. Think of all the wishes for the new year we could be making."

Jasper followed her eyes up to the heavens before quietly commenting, "You know, you look lovely tonight."

Having pulled her hair up on the sides and letting it fall straight down her back, Bella had chosen a black wrap around dress and black heeled boots. With a rather "plain" backdrop, she played up her make-up, taking time to create smoky eyes, deep scarlet colored lips, and finishing the look with a long silver chain that had an ornate garnet cabochon pendant.

She blushed under the weight of his compliment before replying, "This? I must have taken a good hour and a half and emptied half my closet trying to decide what to wear, only to return to the first outfit I chose. I left my room in absolute chaos. If you had been there, you'd have rolled your eyes and declared, 'Can we just leave already, woman? I'm starving to death waiting for you to get ready!"

Jasper released a deep laugh before looking at her face and catching her eyes stating, "God, I love you."

Bella stopped breathing for a moment before trying to recover the conversation with an attempt at humor, "Obviously, someone has had more than enough alcohol this evening. No drunk texting or phone calling for you. You should probably hand me your phone, and I think it best that we go back inside and work towards getting you home."

"Bella, I'm sober enough. You had to have figured out by now there's more at play here, between us, surely you've felt it?"

"It doesn't matter what I've felt, Jasper. What am I supposed to do with that? You love me? What does that mean? We're going to put aside everyone else so we can be with each other? Is that what you're ready to do? Are we willing to tear apart our houses to try and piece them back together? What about Claire? Love means so much more than the occasional text or stolen glance or trying to figure out when we can spend a moment alone, it means putting someone first, giving them your time and attention. Is that what we are to each other?" Bella rambled on, "No, take it back. You have feelings for me, and you know I want to give you more, but we can't be in love with each other. It's too confusing. It tugs at my heart, begging for acceptance, and I already have this ache when you're not near or I don't hear from you. We just can't."

Jasper looked down at the ground, using his shoe to snuff out the cigarette butt he just dropped, "I suppose you're right. It's just so easy when I'm with you, the words just came out. Maybe I have had a glass or two more than I should have. Come back inside with me? I promise, I'll try and behave, just don't turn away from me. I need what we share."

Jasper's pleading glance mirrored the blue depths of the midnight sky that shrouded both of them in shadows. Bella drifted along in his gaze, wanting to pull more words of affection from his lips, but knowing she was right having stopped him from saying more. Seeing him, but not being able to allow him to hold her, to try and hold onto some tattered boundary between the two was almost physically painful at times.

Bella reached a hand out towards him, before pulling it back and turning away, she led them both back into the bar, leaving his unexpected emotions out in the night.

A/N: I always think of Christina Perri's "Distance" when I imagine this scene. Go search for the video on YouTube, and I think you'll agree the lyrics are fitting. *Sigh* Poor B & J, in love but still clinging to denial that this thing they have isn't getting to be bigger than they can manage. And now the whole family knows what's going down with Alice. Will it give Jasper the motivation to leave? Would that cause Bella to make a move too? Leave me some love or criticism! I'm good with either!