Author's Note: This chapter is a bit shorter than the others but...well...some things just deserve their own chapter! I have to admit, I've had most of this one written for quite a while and I'm excited to post it...it's pretty fluffy! Enjoy!

Chapter 9

For the second day in a row, Castle woke with the woman he loved wrapped in his arms. Like the previous morning, she was laying in the crook of his arm with her face buried in his chest. Her ponytail had loosened in the night, the hair falling over her eyes, and it was all he could do to not reach up and push it back behind her ear. However, Kate trusted him; he knew that asking him to spend not one but two nights with her had not been easy for her and Castle had no desire to take advantage of the situation. Instead, he rested his chin against the top of her head and allowed himself to fall back asleep.

He was drifting in and out of consciousness when Kate's stirring woke him and he loosened his grip on her to allow her to move. To his surprise, however, she simply snuggled closer, burying her face in his chest. In her half-awake state, she registered the scent that was so uniquely Castle and inhaled deeply, forgetting about her still-healing lung. She flinched almost immediately, though, and Castle snapped his head up to look at her.

"Kate, are you okay? What happened?" He was awake instantly.

"I'm fine, Castle," she assured him, not lifting her head. "I just took a deep breath and it hurt a bit, that's all."

"Okay." The phrase 'I'm fine' had become his least favorite phrase during her recovery, especially when she was still in the hospital and clearly not at all fine, but she had been making an effort to be more honest about her pain lately, so he opted not to argue this time. She had relaxed into him again almost immediately, so he figured that for once, maybe she actually was fine.

Silence fell but Castle broke it a few minutes later. "How's the soreness today?"

"Better," she mumbled into his shirt.

"That's good."

"Mmhmm, thanks for the massage last night. It was really good."

"You're very welcome," Castle replied. "Another one of my services which I will happily lend out at any time."

Kate rolled her eyeballs behind her closed lids. "Maybe you should have become a masseuse instead of an author. You're actually pretty good at massages."

"A complement and an insult all in one," Castle said, impressed. "I'm such a good influence on you."

Kate snorted and finally raised her head to look at him. "Yeah, good influence. That's definitely the phrase I would use."

Castle laughed. "But seriously, if the massage helps, I'll do it again."

"Searching for a way to have your hands all over me?" she teased. Her sassy and flirty side had been making more and more appearances as she healed, much to Castle's delight.

He ran his hands gently along her back. "Nope, for now, this is just perfect." Despite her better judgment, Kate blushed and buried her face back into his chest. Castle gave her a chance to unblush before speaking again. "As much as I'd like to stay here, though, I really need to use the restroom." He gently extricated himself from the bed, careful not to jolt Kate. "I'll be right back, okay."

"Mmkay." Kate laid her head on one of her pillows, but no matter what she did, it was just not as warm and comfortable as Castle's arm had been. After a good minute of trying to find the best position, she gave up and slowly sat up, testing out the pain levels in her chest and arm. It seemed to be better today.

When Castle reappeared a minute later, Kate was sitting up and attempting to fix her ponytail. She was still unable to lift her left arm all the way, however, and it was a rather difficult task to do one-handed. "Want some help?" he asked, sitting down next to her.

"Yeah, this isn't working so great," she admitted. Castle scooted behind her and removed the hair tie, gently untangling her curls with his fingers before pulling it back neatly. When he finished, Kate instinctively leaned back into him, laying her head against his shoulder.

"You sure you're okay this morning?" This touchy-feely side of Kate was something that Castle was not used to….although he was not at all opposed to it either.

"Yeah, just comfy," she responded.

"Okay, just checking." She was leaning into him with so much ease, but Castle had no idea what to do with himself, particularly his hands, so he opted for resting them on her upper arms. He began to rub them gently up and down and Kate let out a long sigh. "What's going on in that head of yours?" he asked softly. "I can almost hear the wheels turning."

"Just thinking."

"About?" he probed gently. Given that they had spent the last two nights cuddling and she was currently leaning against him he had a pretty good idea where her train of thought was headed.

Kate straightened up and turned around to face him. "This," she said, motioning between them. "You and me." She paused to collect her thoughts and Castle waited patiently, knowing that this was one of those times where he needed to let her talk it out. "I've just….I've slept so much better with you here and you've helped me with so much and I haven't done anything in return and I feel like I'm taking advantage of you."

"Kate, I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be," he assured her. "And you're not taking advantage of me."

"It feels like I am, though," she explained. "I mean, I want you to stay with me, tonight and the next night and….it shouldn't mean anything, but it does, and I'm not sure….I don't know….I'm not making any sense."

"You know what?" Castle began softly. "This does mean something. I know you're not one to share things and to allow people so far into your life, and it means a lot to me that I'm one of the people who gets to be here, Kate. It means so much to know that you trust me."

"I don't want this to just be about sharing a bed because I'm in pain, though," Kate admitted. "I want it to be….more." She took a deep breath. "And I trust you a lot, Rick, but I'm not sure it's enough."

"What can I do to help?" he asked.

"I'm not sure," she said sadly. "I just….I don't know."

"Okay, let me ask you this; what do you mean when you say you want this to be more?"

She hesitated. "I want….I want to fall asleep with you every day, and wake up with you, and share things with you, and laugh with you and….all of it."

"I want that too," he admitted, hardly daring to breathe. "So badly."

"I just…." She trailed off again. No matter how much she planned things like this out in her head, they never came out well.

"What's holding you back?" he asked, sensing her hesitancy.

"I don't know." She paused, debating admitting the real reason. She did not really want to but she remembered her conversations with Lanie and knew that Castle deserved to know. "I'm scared."

"About?"

"This becoming anything more." She was looking down at the bedspread now, unable to meet his penetrating gaze.

"Me too." It was true. Losing Kate was his absolute worst nightmare. He had experienced a few hours of that feeling after her shooting and it was not something he ever wanted to go through again. It was the most painful and terrifying experience of his life.

"And if I trusted you completely, I shouldn't be scared, right?"

Castle considered her words. She had a dangerous job and there was always the chance that he would lose her that way, but, he realized, if he was certain that she was not going to close up and leave him when he got too close, he would probably be much less afraid. She trusted him partially, she had already admitted it; now he needed to find out why she did not trust him fully. "You trust me with your life, Kate," he began, thinking back to the times she had gone into dangerous situations with him as her only backup.

"I know," she admitted. "But that's different."

"How?"

"Because with this I don't think I could deal with the pain if it went wrong."

"It won't," Castle assured her.

"You can't promise that," Kate pointed out.

"You're right, I can't," he agreed. "You'll just have to trust me."

"Which is the problem," she admitted softly.

"Why?" he asked. "I'm not going to hurt you, Kate."

"History says otherwise."

"Besides looking into your mother's case, what did I…."

"Not our history, Castle. Your history."

Castle sighed. He had always known that someday it was going to come back and bite him in the ass. And while he understood her concerns, he also needed to convince her that the past was not carrying over into the present. That phase in his life was over. "Do you know why I was that way?" he asked. Kate shook her head and he launched into an explanation. It was not something he particularly liked to talk about, but she needed to know. "Because after Kyra, I was so hurt that I thought it wasn't worth it to ever go through that again. So I went for meaningless instead so that I would never have to experience that pain again. But once Meredith got pregnant, I wanted to do the right thing, so I married her." He paused to take a breath. "And then she cheated on me, and not only was I hurt again, but I felt like I just wasn't good enough for a relationship. Every one I'd been in had failed, and I blamed myself. But there was Alexis to think about, and Gina came along, and she was a good role model, and I figured we could at least be happy even if it wasn't that great. And we were...happy enough, anyways. It was never true love, though, but I felt like it was all that I deserved. Plus, it was easier that way. Hell, it's always easier that way." He looked at her and found that her eyes were fixed on him. He reached out and gently took her hand before continuing. "But then you came along, and reminded me what could be. I fell for you so hard, Kate, and it's terrifying, but it's so worth it. Even just spending time with you makes me happier than I've been in years. So yes, I have a bad history, but it's because I was afraid to give anyone the chance to hurt me."

"That's what scares me," she admitted.

"What is?"

"How much I could hurt you. How much you could hurt me," she paused. "How much you already have, without even knowing it." It slipped out before she had a chance to stop herself.

"I already have….what?" he asked, shocked.

"Never mind," Kate backtracked quickly, not wanting to get into that right now.

"No, tell me," Castle said. "I want to know."

Kate looked away, gathering her courage, before she looked back at him and spoke softly. "Last summer."

"When I left?" he asked and she nodded in response. "You were with someone, what was I supposed to do?"

"I wasn't," she admitted. "I broke up with him, I was going to tell you…."she trailed off but he filled in the blanks immediately.

"Oh, God, Kate….I'm so sorry," he apologized. "I had no idea. I'm so, so sorry."

"It's okay, it was probably mostly my fault anyways. But we weren't even together then and watching you walk away was so painful. I just….I couldn't take it if that happens again," she said, and the pain was evident in her voice.

"It won't, Kate," Castle replied confidently. "I can promise you that. Once I'm in, I'm in for good." One look in his eyes told her that he was being completely sincere.

"I feel like that should be enough," Kate said sadly. "But it's not. I just...I need..."

Suddenly it all fell into place for Castle. "It's not just me that you don't trust, is it?" he asked gently.

She shook her head. "No." After everything she had been through lately, she was having trouble trusting anyone.

At this, anger surged through Castle; anger at the men who had earned her trust and then completely shattered it. Kate had already fought to recover from her mother's murder and before Castle had gotten a chance to show her how to trust again, she had learned of Royce's and Montgomery's betrayals. And after what they had done to her, he did not blame her for not trusting anyone. However, he hoped that she could make an exception. For him. "I hate what they did to you, Kate," Castle admitted. "Royce and Montgomery. You don't deserve to be treated like that. But in a way, they both redeemed themselves, and I think that they both would want you to move on and be happy and not allow their mistakes to hold you back."

"It's not that easy."

"I know it's not," Castle assured her. "I know it's painful and I know it's going to take time, but I really would like it if you would let me be the one to help you through this."

"I don't know if I can, Rick," Kate said. She saw a hurt look pass through her eyes and quickly clarified, "No, no, I don't mean that I don't want to," she said. "I mean that I'm not sure I know how to."

"I'll wait," he said, without hesitation. "And I'll help you through it, one step at a time. I'll do anything, Kate, if it means you'll give us a shot."

His words shocked her, not only because of what he had said, but because of the tone in which he had spoken. It was possibly the most honest thing she had ever heard him say, and it took her breath away. She glanced away, taking a moment to compose herself and to convince herself that she was about to do the right thing. After a few seconds, she looked up at him again, meeting his expectant eyes, and said the one word Castle had waited so long to hear.

"Okay." He froze. Did she really just say that? he thought. Did she really just agree to give us a shot? Her voice snapped him out of his haze. "Castle?"

"Huh? Sorry.…wait….really?" he managed.

"I thought writers were supposed to be eloquent," Kate teased.

"I….am, I'm just….you really want to give us a shot?" he stammered, hardly daring to believe that this was happening.

"Yes, Rick, I do. And don't forget to breathe or I have a feeling we won't make it very far."

"You," he said, instinctively leaning in to kiss her forehead, "just made me the happiest guy in New York."

"I think I have something that can make you even happier," she teased with a smile.

"I doubt it," he replied, glad that their normal banter had already found a place in their new relationship.

"Come here." she motioned him towards her.

He scooted closer, unsure of what to expect, so when she leaned in to kiss him, he was taken completely by surprise. It was soft and sweet and full of promise and affection, and when she pulled away, he kept his eyes closed for a moment, savoring the sensation. After a couple seconds, Kate opened her eyes to see the widest smile covering his face.

"Still doubt me?" she asked triumphantly, unable to suppress her own goofy grin.

He looked at her, his eyes twinkling, and Kate could not recall the last time she saw him this happy. "Never."

Thoughts?