Hateful to me as are the gates of hell, Is he who, hiding one thing in his heart, Utters another. – Homer (Smyrns ofChois)

CHAPTER 9:

CLARISSA [POV]

I was doubtful, yes, but never had I once thought that this could be the outcome of a short trip. I should have believed Jasper when he had told me that they weren't what they seemed. I should have taken Carlisle more seriously when he had said that they had manipulative ways.

Carlisle, Jasper and Aro exchanged their good-byes and we made our way out the castle doors towards the airport. Although we might have left, I suspected that Aro wouldn't give up the pursuit so easily. While parting I had heard Jane's thoughts. I remembered clearly.

'Its time for plan B and Aro won't be happy.'

I wondered then what she had been talking about but let it go as we settled on the recliner seats, waiting to board the flight. I still held my breath although I had controlled the burning sensation which was immensely painful when we were around Diana, but I was sure I couldn't, not in an airport which was flooded with people.

Jasper and Carlisle made way to get a book from the stands as I sat in my corner, looking out the window, thinking about the time I could enjoy a 'normal' life and join my siblings to high school. I wanted to learn more. My gaze fell upon a family. The mother embraced her child, all the while laughing while the little boy had chocolate smeared around his soft pink lips. The father looked at them with such affection that one could tell he was extremely proud and thankful to have a lovely family. I wanted to see my mother – Esme and my mother, both of them. Probably when I could control my thirst I would sneak into my own house and see how my family was. I wondered if they'd even remember me then.

It was then that I felt strange occurrences around me. I couldn't afford to breathe and smell the scent around me, but I had a feeling that my eyes were being blindfolded and my legs moved forward unconsciously. I didn't know where I was going but it felt like someone was guiding me to some place. I tried to understand what was happening to me and in my surroundings but my mind was too perplexed. As I walked further, it felt like my hands had been pulled together and locked into each other. As much as I tried to resist with all my strength, I failed.

I could hear the bustling noise of the cars that roamed the street and suddenly felt a pair of hands wrap around my shoulders, holding me securely while someone led me forward towards a car holding my elbow all the while. I struggled and tried to scream, but my mouth was shut tightly without anyone touching me. I tried harder to mimic the ability of whoever this was, but I couldn't. It was bloodcurdling. I wanted desperately for Jasper and Carlisle to come to my rescue, but I was in no position to call for help.

I was carried to a place I wasn't aware of and now as I finally did sniff the air around me, I was stunned to smell the familiar scent of Santiago and Alec around me. I knew I could mimic Alec's power if he was using it at the moment and tried to seize the golden opportunity, but much to my dismay he wasn't.

"We'll have to hurry before they become suspicious." Alec muttered.

'Aro is so very clever. It was a brilliant idea.' I realised Felix was in the car as well.

Within seconds, I found myself entering the throne room again. My eyes remained shut until I felt Aro's presence around me. Upon opening my eyes, I saw Aro smiling wickedly at me and I lost all my calm.

"What do you want with me?" I snarled at him which only amused him more.

"I think I made it clear my dear. All you have to is accept our proposal and this could be dealt in a much healthier way." He said, composed as Caius made his way next to his brother.

"She is definitely worth it brother." He smiled coyly, looking at me.

"What part of my rejection did you not understand?" My voice was acerbic, closing my eyes once more, as I tried to compose myself. I knew it wouldn't be helpful if I lost my temper here for I was clearly outnumbered even if I had an ability which was extremely powerful.

"This isn't going to end well and I am not going to budge. You would rather kill me, but I will never join you." I said, stubbornly.

"We don't want to hurt the Cullens unless you make it absolutely necessary my dear. I don't think it will be good to have Edward and Bella die so young when they just found each other. And Ah! Little Reneesme must have only begun learning her grammar well until now. Surely you wouldn't want Carlisle and Esme hurt for they are like your parents and Jasper, Alice, Emmett and Rosalie are much too close for you to think of ever hurting them, am I not right?" he asked, arching his eyebrow, his expression one that was mocking my weakness.

He knew all the right places to hurt me. He knew my soft spots. I shuddered at the thought as images of the mangled bodies of my new family flooded my head, but I quickly shoved it away. I wasn't going to be emotionally blackmailed.

"You wouldn't."

"I don't see why not. I mentioned it earlier and I'm saying it again, it can be dealth with in a better fashion if you chose to cooperate." He persued the matter further.

"What if I don't?" I snapped back at him. I could say I would attack him at any moment, despite the presence of innumerable number of vampires. I wouldn't submit, even if I lost the fight, I wouldn't submit.

"Well then we'll have no way but to use extreme measures."

With those words, the thoughts of my family's mangled bodies flooded his mind. I could see the beheaded and staked bodies of Carlisle, Esme, Edward, Bella, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice, and Aro feeding on Reneesme's blood.

I winced away in horror and pain. Seeing me distracted, Jane took advantage of the situation and subjected my mind to intense torture. Now that she knew my soft corners, she didn't show any mercy in bringing the crudest images to my mind. I shrieked in pain and collapsed to the ground wreathing in pain. I felt famished and it hurt to even stand on my feat as she continued with her assault.

"That would be all my dear Jane. Thank you." Aro said to the little monster that stood next to him.

"How dare you, you..." I snarled at Jane.

Once I regained my strength I showed no sign of civility and made a lunge for Jane's throat to rip it apart. But I was held back by two pairs of arms encircling my waist and once again my hands were pinned down to my side. I struggled to free myself from the iron hard grip of my captors.

The next thing I knew was I was being carried away to a dark and dingy place that smelled obnoxiously bad. I was hurled into a room like an animal and the door behind me was locked. I knew the door behind me wouldn't stop me from escaping but the people outside would.

"Looks like we got what we wanted, now all we have to do is pacify the Cullens." Caius said cheerfully to Aro.

"Yes my brother, which is exactly what we will do." Aro said, in a calculative tone.

"But I wonder how?"

"We won't brother, it will be the girl herself." Aro answered his brother's question confidently.

I stopped listening anymore. I wanted to believe that this was all just a lie, it was a terrible nightmare that could never be true. I lay on the ground, ignoring the couch and the bed in the room as dry sobs escaped my chest.

For the first time in months I felt vulnerable and weak once again. I needed the assurance and the security of my family. I needed desperately to be in my safe haven once more, but I couldn't. I knew I couldn't call upon them for help because it would only subject my family to such atrocities that one could never imagine. They would never have denied me help and would never care for their lives to save mine, but that wasn't what I wanted. It would defeat my purpose to begin with.

Suddenly my body went limp and I could see the future changing once again.

I stood there, adamant about not joining the Volturi. I watched the ghastly sight as my family was attacked and one by one they were beginning to fall. I tried to struggle to break free from the shackles that held me captive, but their strength only increased the more I tried to break free. I could feel the guilt that coursed through my entire being at that moment. I had bought death and destruction to my family. It had been my undoing for which they had to suffer.

My thoughts snapped back to reality and I lay stunned on the hard granite flooring now believing that what Aro had said, wasn't something that he'd had said to scare me but had really meant it. My vision had confirmed my worst fears and now I was at a point of no-return.

If joining the Volturi meant saving my family from the mayhem, I would have. I was in a moral dilemma as I fought with myself. I couldn't fathom working for the Volturi. They stood on the side of everything that was evil. Their very being was evil. I could never bring myself to stoop to the level of being one of the Volturi guards, but I didn't seem to have an option either.

For how long I lay there in that room, I couldn't recollect. It could have been hours, days or even weeks and I wouldn't have known. I wondered why none of my family members ever came for me. It was unlike them to treat my absence so lightly. Surely they would have to see that I was in danger.

Finally, one day, my cell phone rang. I hurried to grab it but the door opened with a loud thud and before I could make my way to the phone, a tall dark man of African origin probably grabbed it and pulled me towards the throne room.

I now stood there, in front of Aro and his army as my cell phone kept ringing. From the periphery of my vision, I could see it was Edward who was definitely trying to reach me frantically. I hadn't been wrong after all. I knew my family would come to my aid, but that wasn't what I wanted and it could never be. I sacrificing my life meant saving the lives of nine others, I would have happily done that, especially when it was people as generous and loving as the Cullens.

"You'll have to deceive them my dear." Aro said cautiously, judging my reaction.

"I would never." I warned.

This brought another round of horrifying images to his mind and unbearable pain to my very soul.

"I can't, they know me too well. Edward will know I'm lying. I can't." I wailed.

"You'll have to try." Caius spoke this time.

"Please don't make me do this." I was hoping they'd be merciful, but I was so wrong, for the Volturi knew nothing of mercy.

The African man snapped open the flap of the cell phone and handed it to me. I was afraid for the first time to speak to my saviours. Aro encouraged as I looked in his direction, pleading for mercy.

"Hello." My voice trembled.

"Claire? Are you alright?" Edward's over concerned voice filled the room as the speaker was switched on. I didn't reply.

"Clarissa speak to us please." He pleaded as I fought very hard to hold back another tearless sob.

"What do you want Edward?" I said harshly, regretting every word that escaped my mouth.

It seemed to throw him aback for a while. After a moment of silence, the room was filled with Edward's voice again.

"Clarissa tell me what is wrong. I know you are in trouble. It isn't like you to change your mind without reasoning with us." He encouraged. I wondered how he knew me so well, he could see right through me and it hurt. I collapsed to the ground, not being able to take the emotional torture that I was being subjected to.

"It's nothing Edward. I am in no trouble. And I believe I'm old enough to take my decisions." I said back into the receiver end when my voice was a little composed.

"We came across the note you left. After what you said at the palace, it doesn't seem likely that you would consider joining the Volturi. It isn't like you Claire, so tell us." Jasper spoke this time. I could hear Esme's sobbing and Reneesme's wailing in the background as Rosalie and Bella tried to calm her. I wanted so badly to bring her at ease by comforting her in my arms but I couldn't.

One word confused me. I couldn't recollect leaving a note behind. I was absolutely positive that I hadn't left a note behind.

'Ah! A neat job indeed.' That was the first time I had heard Marcus' thoughts.

I could see Aro getting restless and Caius getting agitated by my silence. Aro cleared his throat and with great effort, I managed to speak again, trying my level best in my efforts to deceive my family.

"Jasper, thank you for concern, but I only did realise the order of my priorities." I paused before venturing into deep waters for what was said now, would never be unsaid. I could chose to tell them the truth and escape but that would only bring chaos and death to the family that I loved so dearly, or I could chose to lie and spare their lives, playing Judas's goat in the process.

"The proposition of the Volturi really did give me a lot to think about Jasper. I couldn't realise it when we were in the castle, but sitting there, thinking at the airport, I could see light. I could understand what I was refusing." My voice was merely a whisper at this point.

"But Claire-"Edward interrupted.

"I know you all think that I am overwhelmed and don't know what I'm doing, but trust me on this once, it's for the betterment of myself and everybody."

With those words, I knew, I could never return back. I regretted every single word that escaped my mouth. I wanted so badly to tell them truth.

"Darling, I hope you are sure." Carlisle's concerned voice sounded over the receiver.

"Yes Carlisle, I am certain." I lied.

After another long pause, he finally said, "Okay darling, if that's what you want, but remember, if you ever feel our need, we'll always be there for you." I couldn't bring myself to reply.

"Clarissa, we love you and we'll truly miss you." Esme and Alice said simultaneously as Reneesme's wailing only grew louder and louder.

"Thank you." I whispered and then the phone was snapped shut. Once the phone snapped shut, I could see it being destroyed. It had been a gift from Rosalie and Emmett and anything that was given to me by the people I loved always held a very special place in my dead heart.

"That was very wise of you, very impressive indeed." Aro exclaimed cheerfully as I looked at the empty ground that I sat on like an undignified tortured slave. Yes, that was exactly how I felt if I was completely honest. I didn't hear a single word that anyone spoke in that room for I was only too absorbed thinking about how I had deceived my family and how I deserved no respect and no affection. Renesmee's wailing iterated in my mind time after time and I could see Esme's sad face. I knew I had hurt Edward and let everyone down. Emmett hadn't even spoken to me and neither had Rosalie. They would definitely hate me for what I had done. I deserved hatred.

I tried once more, when might failed, I took to pleading. I knew I hoped for the impossible, but I had to try. "Aro, please. Please let me go home." I sobbed as he kept looking at me with intense curiosity without uttering a word.

"Please Aro; I don't know what it is that you want. I could never be of any help to you. I'm sure there are many others who'll be talented enough to make use of the position you put me in. Just please let me go home Aro. I want nothing more than that. I can't see myself leading the life of a Volturi guard." I tried once more, almost begging for mercy like a vagabond.

"Ahh! Dear one, you do not understand how important you are to us do you?" he paused for a second, looking down at me as I sobbed tearlessly feeling weak and vulnerable.

"There are things that you are too young to understand my dear." He concluded.

"If it is regarding the Cullens, I assure you, we want nothing but a simple existence. We'll never be a threat to you – I assure you that." It was evident from his thoughts – the fear of being overthrown, but I knew we'd never want it. Carlisle would never want to go into war. None of us would ever like to put each other through hardship and pain.

"There are more pressing issues to be handled my dear. It would be best if you submitted to us willingly because we won't let you leave us anymore." His words hit me like a whiplash. With just a simple sentence, he had battered my hopes of ever seeing home again. He had thrown my request aside as if it were an insignificant little object, meant to be disposed.

His thoughts highlighted the cruelty of his nature. He was not only selfish and power hungry but also hugely sadistic.

'No! She mustn't leave. If she joins the guards, it would only be prudent on her behalf. But if she chooses to rebel, it shall only doom her to a life of hellish existence.'

I didn't know when I was brought to my room again. It was now the same room where I had been placed initially upon entering the palace for the first time. The scent of Carlisle and Jasper still hung around heavy in the room. I sank to one corner near the fire place and cried to my hearts content. I felt like someone had punched a hole inside my heart and nothing could ever heal it - nothing.

I was in a sorry state. For weeks together I refused to accept any help or let anyone even enter my room. I had to protect myself, now that I had no one else to do it for me. It was my duty to protect myself and my family had taught me well. If anyone even thought of entering my room, I'd subject them to the direst form of torture, shattering them immensely until they left and never came back again. I should have felt pity for some, but I didn't. They were all the same for me, all Volturi guards - all monsters.

Aro had tried to pacify me and persuade me to join the guard repeatedly by thinking of the possibilities but I had only refused time after time. I wasn't going to succumb to his earthy desires. I tried in vain to violate all the laws, I refused to feed and tried to infuriate as many vampires I could, thinking that one of them would eventually snap and give me what I wanted - death, sweet death, but it never happened.

I was held captive in this hell hole and there was no way out.

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