Okay, Boys and Girls! Sorry for not updating for so freakin' long, but it's been a busy couple of weeks. It's Christmas now, so I thought I'd give you an update! Please read, review, favorite, follow but most of all ENJOY!

Part Nine: Love; Lost and Left Behind

"No matter what happens,

No matter what we do,

I'll always remember

The first time I kissed you."

-Anonymous

That sound. That high pitched whining piercing and beating on your eardrums. You'll never hear the same pitch again. But you really don't mind.

It's painful; being slapped. Tear stained rosy red cheeks. Then you hear the thud of the hand slapping you. Then the sound of a tuning fork being plucked. And the pain. The tight hot feeling that stings and numbs your cheek. Especially if you're an eighteen year old getting hit by 180 pounds of pure muscle known by no other name than John Winchester. His little Sammy before him, all grown up, telling John to "fuck off". John had never laid a hand on Sam. No matter how hard they fought or disagreed, But he wouldn't be disrespected; not by his boys.

The conversation started simply. Dean and Sam, now 18 and 22, wrestled on the floor at John's feet, laughing and giggling at who got the last coke. And somehow it warped into WWIII.

After Dean bit Sam's neck and Sam collapsed, John deemed Dean the ultimate defending champion.

Sam, out of the clear blue, worked up some courage to have the same conversation he'd had with Dean a hundred times since Meg's death.

"Dad, what would you being doing if you weren't a hunter?"

John leaned back and rested his hands on the back of his head, obviously taken aback by the impromptu question. John had thought about this question over and over and honestly, didn't have an answer for the crystal hazel eyes staring back at him.

"I think I'd be a fireman." Dean said with a polite smirk peeking out of the corner of his mouth.

"Always the hero, Dean." Sam punched Dean in the arm and Dean gave him a loving wink.

"I think I'd be retired." John blurted without thinking.

That gave the boys another hardy laugh.

Dean followed with a "Yeah right, like you could keep still for three minutes."

"I think wanna be a lawyer, sir." Dean looked over to Sam who had a stone cold face and was glaring straight at his father in the recliner in front of him.

"Sure, Sam. Whatever you say." John chuckled, not thinking twice to look at his son's face.

"I really do. Actually, I applied." Sam said nonchalantly.

"You what? Without telling me?" John's body tensed up, fingers clenched and began to feel a hot flash of warmth flood to his veins. How could Sam do this to him? Hell, how could Sam do this to his mom?

"Who's gonna pay? Who's gonna take you there? Hell, when somethin' happens to me, or your brother, who's gonna find that bastard that killed your mom?"

Sam's teeth clenched at John's reaction. Somehow, he was perfectly okay with Dean and Sam's gay incestual relationship, but he had a problem with Sam wanting an actual future that didn't require him to run for his life every day?

"Dad, I don't care about damned demons."

"You show some respect, boy. One of those "damned demons" killed your mother!" John stood up and met Sam's glaring gaze. Sam stood up as well, getting just inches away from John's flushed and angry face.

"Seriously, Dad? You want me to get killed? I survived on my own before when I was thirteen, I can do it again. I don't need you. I don't need hunting. So just fuck off!"

And there it was. The slap heard 'round the world. Dean's mouth hung open in amazement as he stood up and went directly to the furious eighteen year old gripping his cheek.

John stopped in his tracks.

'What have I done?' John didn't want to chase Sam away, but it was a pure reaction.

Sam stood, stunned before his angry father. Sam could tell that the look on John's face meant that he was sorry. But he no longer cared. He felt the bubbling of the anger rising up into his stomach and boil over into his lungs.

"I don't need you, Dad. I never want to see you again. I hope you fuckin' hate me." And with that statement, Sam was gone. The screen door slammed shut and bounced back with a loud creaking thud.

Dean couldn't help but stare his father in the eyes.

"Really, Dad? I mean, you can slap me around all ya want, but Sammy? You…" Dean pinched the bridge of his nose and slid his hand down to his jaw. "You'd be lucky if he ever came back."

John sat in the recliner behind him, and held his face in his hands. He watched his eldest son leave him, too. Was John really that much of a fuck up that even his own sons couldn't stand him? He took one last gulp of the nearly empty bottle of whiskey on the table to his left, and embraced the only friend he'd ever truly had. Jack Daniels.

Dean stormed outside, chasing after Sam. Sam was half a mile down the road, arms wide out and on a mission. Dean knew Sam had to get as far as he could. Dean took a deep breath and took off running after his little brother.

"SAM!" Dean screamed briskly, uncaring about his voice cracking with the missing oxygen from his lungs.

He finally caught up to him and as he saw Sam plop into the tall grass, watching the stars overhead.

"You know," Sam finally spoke as Dean sat down beside him. "Whenever I think back to the first time we saw the stars together, I laugh. I laugh because it's what started this. Started us. And I want to re-live that day over and over Not this day. Cause this day… sucks."

"Sam-" Dean began.

"Don't, Dean." Sam interrupted. He looked up and smiled; pulling his hands across his knees and linked them together in the middle. "I want to be a lawyer."

"Sammy, I don't think you'd last a day without me." Dean laughed and nudged Sam in the shoulder.

"Don't fuck with me, Dean. And don't pull that cocky attitude. You only do it when you're nervous. You always tell me you don't want me in the life. Well," he stretched his arms out wide, as if to signify he was right. "Here's my chance… and you're telling me to forget about it? Dean, why do you think I worked so hard at school? Because I liked it? No. I worked hard because I didn't want to end up like Dad."

Dean's eyes shot wide open and he felt as if Sam had struck him with a red hot poker, burning and singeing the right side of his face.

"Don't you mean like me?"

"No, Dean, of course not. You grew up wanting this. I never did. You can't tell me you didn't know this day was coming." Sam stood up and dusted the dirt off the back of his legs. Dean soon followed and Sam took two steps away, letting Dean know that Sam's rant wasn't over.

"Yeah, Sam. I did. But I didn't know it would happen like that."

"I had no choice. He wouldn't let me go unless I made him hate me so much he wanted me to go."

"Sammy-"

"No, Dean. I can't stay. I am going to Stanford. I mean, I wish it wasn't in California, but…" Sam looked away, into the night sky. So full of the moon and all the stars they would name and try to count when they were young. Sam felt the sting of his cheek when a tear rolled down his face.

"I know, and I'll come with you."

Sam's mouth dropped and he took a step closer to his brother who was in tears. He wiped one teardrop away from Dean's sparkling cheek with his forefinger.

"Y-You'd do that for me?" Sam stuttered, hazel eyes, staring back at the jade eyes full of love and hope.

"I'd do anything for you, Sammy. Anything to keep you."

"But... You wouldn't. I know you, Dean." Sam took a step back to process the situation. "No offence but, you'd move out there with me, and then you'd find some excuse to go hunting. You love it too much, Dean."

"I don't love it, Sam. I'm good at it. Plus, I fuckin' love…" he pinched the bridge of his nose, trying so hard not to burst out in tears like a sissy girl. "…you."

Sam took three brisk steps forward into his brother's arms, wrapping his own around Dean's shoulders. Sam knew it would make the decision harder for both of them, but he couldn't help himself. He grabbed his face and kissed his tear stained lips. Sam shed his own tears as he gasped for breath around Dean's own throbbing lips. The slow dance of their tongues wrapped and warmed their whole bodies as they felt like this would be the last time they would embrace this way.

When they were forced to breathe, Sam rested his forehead on the top of Dean's hair, inhaling the scent of Dean's body wash, the scent of his hair and skin. And he felt like he could never let go.

"This is goodbye… Isn't it?" Dean shuttered at the word.

"I don't want it to be."

"Then… don't. Sammy, don't leave. Or take me with you. I don't care. Just…" Dean sniffled and wiped away another tear. "Don't leave me."

"We'll see each other."

"I need you…" Dean looked up into Sam's eyes and felt heartbroken when he saw Sam's pain-filled eyes. "I'll beg."

"Don't, Dean. I got accepted a week ago. I have to leave."

And Dean did the most desperate thing he could think of. He grabbed Sam's hands and rested them on his forehead and he sunk to one knee.

"Marry me."

Sam's jaw dropped.

"Dean… Dean… get up."

"No! Not until you say yes. We'll leave here. We'll go to Wisconsin, Michigan, California; I don't care!" Dean almost screamed. There were no neighbors, and he wouldn't care even if there were. He was losing grip of both his Sam and his sanity. This was the worst moment of his long life. "We'll go anywhere."

"Dean… get up." Sam grabbed at Dean's collarbone and pulled him to face him. Tears freely rolling down his cheek.

"Yes."

For the first time in a while, Dean smiled. Dean smiled so much, his cheeks hurt. The center of his chest filled with light, and he felt whole again. He wouldn't lose him!

"After I graduate. We'll do it." Sam rested his forehead against Dean's again and he sighed.

"Com'on Sammy. You know I can't wait that long."

"No, I wanna make a promise. I promise you... That after I graduate, we'll get married. But Dean ; you can't come with me. You need to get this out of your system. But I can't do it anymore. I can't... I can't stand Dad anymore."

Dean's smile turned very quickly into a frown.

"If... That's what it takes to keep you, I'll do it. I'll wait."

"Thank you, Dean. I love you so much…"

"Shhh, Baby." Dean sobbed. "Don't. You don't have to. Can we just… live in the moment?"

"Sure. Whatever you want." Sam leaned his head on Dean's shoulder and just enjoyed the silence and the warm embrace that his brother was giving him.

Later that night, Sam and Dean returned to the house, their father nowhere in sight.

Sam and Dean sullenly walked upstairs and Dean helped Sam pack in a very awkward silence filled with sniffles. For some odd reason, Sam found himself wishing he had more items than what fit in a duffel. Anything to prolong his time with Dean.

Sam slammed the trunk into the Dodge Dart he bought with his Vegas winnings. He instantly reached his arms out and hugged Dean tightly. He could feel Dean's heartbeat thundering in his chest as they hugged goodbye. Sam so badly wanted to stay. Wanted so bad to stay, he almost did. But he knew if he didn't leave now, John would make him stay.

"Dean, I-" A tear trickled from Sam's face. "I love you. I always will. And we'll talk every day. I promise."

Dean hugged tighter.

"I know, Sammy. And what's four years anyway?" Dean chuckled to fill the silence. "We have the rest of our lives ahead of us."

And Sam was gone. The bright light from the headlights shone in Dean's wet eyes, wishing he had done more for the only person that ever cared for him.

But little did the Winchesters know, their wedding day would never happen; because Sam would never graduate from college. He would never become a lawyer. With the death of their father, they would embark on a journey to save the world; and more importantly, save each other. And the love they lost and left behind. But there would always be those life-saving memories of two small children exploring the world with stars in their eyes.

The End

Sorry it's so sad. I haven't been in a good place lately, and it's surprisinly difficult to write sad stuff when you're depressed. :(

So that's the end. I'm really upset that it's the end.

But the way I think about it is that even though it's only season 8, they're still trying to get back to this kind of relationship.

I will probably post more to explain what happens to Sam from 18-22 leading up to the Pilot. Some of the reason why he ends up with Jess. I had ideas for it, but I felt this ending fits well.

I'm starting a new Destiel fanfiction, unsure of the title yet. But it will be.. EPIC! So, please stay tuned!

Merry Christmas to all, and thank you for bearing with me for Stars in Your Eyes!