Watching the ripples in the pool water as the sun set behind it she tried not to think of current events but instead let the relaxing nature of her view calm her somewhat. Dressed in a loose dress that fell to her knees she had no intention of getting into the pool but dipping her feet in was enough to soothe her. Her dogs, two German shepherds, continued to play in the garden at her side as two of her kids argued inside over the xbox and Charlie put her youngest to sleep, something she continued to struggle with as that was Ryan's 'job'. Letting her hand trace shapes in the water she didn't feel the immense pain at his death like she had with Andrews but that pain was replaced with guilt, guilt for what she'd done and for not loving him like he had loved her. Peter and Jake were struggling to come to terms with Ryan's sudden death just as she expected them to, more so Peter as his and his and hers earlier fear had proven true. Of course she wasn't coping well herself but compared to last time it was a vast improvement, if you could call it that. She could function, just about, which was asking far too much after Andrew died. But then again it still hadn't sunken in that he was gone, yes she cried and could say the words but part of her still expected him to walk in the door. He fooled her once before.
Having finally got Paul to sleep he eventually found her outside sitting at the pools edge. Her silhouette against the stunning sunset would have made a beautiful photo if the timing had been right but now was not the time to capture memories. Careful of the cat asleep beside her he takes a seat next to her, curling his legs under himself. She didn't turn to face him but instead continued to trace shapes in the pool.
"Did he go down alright?" Watching her he nods, trying to reassure her.
"Yeah much better, he didn't cry for his dad." That simple statement calmed her greatly like he hoped. Today had not been the easiest of days for her, he was glad to see her somewhat calmer.
This morning she had been a bag of nerves, today was her 20 week scan despite the fact she was further along than 20 weeks. Her original date for this scan had been the day after Ryan died so naturally it was rearranged. Now that his funeral had passed and she was attempting to get into whatever normal was now she had to do this. Of course it shouldn't be difficult but anything about the baby with him was usually too much. By the afternoon she was no better than this morning despite him attempting to reassure her numerous times. Sitting in the waiting room she was focusing on playing with her hands as her toddler played in the corner with some toys provided by the hospital. There were a few other people about, not that she took any notice of them. Stepping into the waiting room an older women smiled towards Paul for turning her attention onto them.
"Duffy?" For a moment he was confused until he remembered she knew these people, she worked with them. Standing up he grabbed Paul, despite his protests that he wanted to play cars and followed them out the waiting room.
Not long later he was sitting on the chair beside her, the toddler on his knee complaining he was bored. The woman, whose name he'd already forgotten smiles as she reassures them both everything looked fine.
"Any preference to what you're having?" Smiling, although not as strongly as she normally would have, she doesn't need to think much before replying.
"A boy…" Shocked he tilts his head at her.
"Really?" Smiling still she nods, explaining herself.
"I don't know how to look after girls…" Her face changed as she continued speaking "Ryan wanted a girl though…" The woman, a smile still on her face turned her head back to the screen.
"Do you want to know what you're having?" For a second she didn't react, nor answer, completely unsure. But a nod from Charlie seemed to push her into answering.
"Why not." Double checking before revealing she smiles at them both.
"Well Duffy, I'd put your learning hat on. You're having a girl."
Of course that reveal was followed by a fresh batch of tears that took some time to disappear or rather run out. One thing he knew for sure this little girl was screwed when she was a teenager with her first boyfriend with 3 older brothers to protect her. Or girlfriend, it was the 21st century after all. Rubbing her shoulder as she continued to focus on the pool he couldn't help but worry about her.
"You alright?" Before she could answer her eldest son ran into the garden.
"Mum! Paul's woke up, he's crying." Getting to her feet she begins to head into the house as her son continues. "He's crying for Ryan mum." Watching his mum's face completely break in front of him like he knew it would he looks to Charlie for help, who was also already on his feet.
"I'll go Duffy, you go relax." Shaking her head she sighs. Knowing she was going to have to do this eventually.
"No! He's my son, I'll go."