Chapter 10

At first, he thought he had made a simple mistake... That it wasn't true. Just the result of complicated and strong emotions...

But after the trunk story and the final installation of Loki's belongings, the symptoms increased...

The first night he came back into their bed, Thor attempted careful little touches, the one that were a little begging and enticing. Loki used to like them but now, they just sent shots of lightning in his belly and it made this contact highly disturbing.

The thing that would be a child soon was reacting to its sire's hand. That was the indisputable first sign of a pregnancy for Jötnar.

Loki felt as if he had been cursed by the Norns in person...

And then it calmed down. Loki hoped that it was just a false alarm and things would get back to normal. Yet, when Thor and Loki had sex, the latter was less at ease and spontaneous. He was a bit lost. What if he had a child eventually ? Would he carry on with his plan ? And admitting he made it to Jötunheim after Asgard's destruction, what to do with an unwanted offspring that was the only Royal Heir of a destroyed enemy kingdom in the Jötunn King's palace ?

Not pregnant, please, not pregnant... Loki kept praying.

Unfortunately, a few months later, the next symptoms came and their assessment was now definite.

Loki started to have morning sicknesses he desperately hid to Thor and his retinue. Then he started to feel dizzy and have less appetite. Thor realized ultimately but just appeared worried about Loki. He hadn't any clue about what was really going on. Nothing new here, he could be tremendously blind to some things.

Then Loki's magic started to become erratic and that was the worst.

He had flashes of green light coming from his fingers, minor spells like fire-starting or controlling things at distance came without being summoned... Thor's cape was almost set on fire by accident. Loki had to take a suppressant potion.

He could not constantly control his Jötnar appearance and his Aesir one as he used to. When Loki had been out of the honeymoon seclusion, the Asgardian had been warned about his brutal change. Odin proclaimed it as a sign that the Norns had blessed the Prince's union by transforming his bride. No one had believed that lie but everyone had acted as if everything was perfectly normal. Since Loki had always behaved, people did not even care any more. Not that they trusted him, it was just less threatening.

And one evening, Thor asked him if he was alright for his eyes seemed a little red. And indeed, their natural blood-red color was slowly coming back. During a political meeting between Odin and various important thanes and chiefs of clans, Loki felt that his skin on his hands was turning blue again. Thanks the Norns, he had his gloves on that day.

Then, and that was the last straw, there was the absurdities. Spiders, snakes, squirrels and toads appearing out of nowhere during celebrations and causing a terrible ruckus. Einherjar sporting pink or polka-dotted armors without any concrete explanation (although this one was rather funny), the water in the palace's fountains turning green, violet or red (less funny...), mysterious rains made of apple or cherry blossoms falling all over... His power was totally loose and erratic. Loki had to take tremendous efforts to hide the fact that he was the cause of all this.

A few weeks passed this way... Loki was feeling disgusting. A slight bump was already starting to form in his belly. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't stand being talked to or, worse, touched. This pregnancy was like a disease and he just couldn't bear it any longer.

He hid everything, forced himself to eat, even if it was to throw everything up later... He didn't want to raise suspicions and no one had to know about the child, not until Loki had found a solution.

He knew about abortive potions, herbs and medicine.

During his free times, he managed to obtain the necessary products and carefully stashed them away so no one could guess.

He made the potion three times with absolute accuracy and certainty that it would work with a minimum pain and time.

And each time, he couldn't drink it.

He wanted to get rid of that thing so much it hurt. But when the cup reached his lips he just stopped. Something stronger than his own will was preventing him to do it. As if that thing inside his belly wanted to live, whether Loki wanted it or not.

Loki had more than enough.

What were the options ? Abortion seemed impossible, there was the solution of miscarriage. Loki had a plan but... If that plan failed he would be forced to give birth to the child. And then what ?

On the bright side, girl or boy, the child would be automatically the assumed Heir. Thor would be closer to the throne than ever. Odin could even abdicate and retire so his son could take over sooner. Loki's position would be secured for ever and he would be made co-ruler on Thor's coronation day.

Except that once the brat would be born, it would be difficult to destroy Asgard the way he had planned it, or to destroy Asgard at all...

He hated that damned spawn, or so he thought right now. Loki cursed his too fertile entrails and his fecund bull of a husband.

But at the end of the day, would he be ready to get rid of of something that was born out of him ? That looked like him ? That was an Asgardian, indeed, but also a Frost Giant ? And thinking about it made him wonder what would a child of his and Thor's would like. Would he have green, blue or red eyes ? What about his hair or skin ? In his mind, it started to have an appearance, a personality, an existence...

He needed to get rid of it, whatever the cost.

Loki started by riding as much as possible. Horse riding was the last thing to do during a pregnancy. When it looked like it wouldn't work, Loki decided to do his most drastic measure.

It was during a hunt and Loki had run and tracked faster and more than any other participants. Even Sif had had a hard time following him. Loki was spurring his poor mare and exhausting himself, begging some unknown force to make the child go away.

His back and legs hurt and he barely heard Thor's pleas to be careful when he saw the low pine branch.

Perfect, he thought.

Pretending to track down a fox, he hurried on fearlessly straight to the branch. He ignored Thor's desperate cries to stop.

The last thing he heard before the blow and the darkness was Thor's scream.

He woke up to the light. He was laying on one of the palace hospital's private bed. Frigga was there, her face closed. Thor was standing next to him, holding his hand, his eyes full of anguish. The healers were making their usual reassuring chit-chat. Loki was getting used to it.

"My love... Why were you so careless ? Haven't you seen that damn branch ?"

Thor was relieved but grieving. Loki had to endure his teary puppy-like sky-blue eyes. He was anxious. If the "accident" had done its job, they must know by now he was pregnant. That would explain Frigga's sour look for she could not be fooled, contrary to her son. It had probably worked and she was mad at him because she knew it was no accident.

"The question is settled now." She sternly said. "No more horse riding."

Loki was puzzled. That didn't make any sense. If the miscarriage had occurred, it wouldn't matter any more if he carried on riding or not.

"You are pregnant." She declared flatly.

"Mother !" Thor cried. "I wanted to tell him myself !" Frigga simply huffed and rolled her eyes.

Thor turned to Loki and made him the most disgustingly beaming smile ever on his stupidly ecstatic face.

"We are going to have a baby, my darling ! That's why you were feeling so poorly lately ! Haven't you felt different inside ?"

And then Thor made an insufferable joyous chatter about how wonderful this nightmare was and about all was going to be pink and blue and unicorns throwing up rainbows from now on, completely unaware of the dark glares his spouse and his mother were exchanging.

"You need to rest for now." Thor said kissing Loki goodbye. "I'll tell All-Father the good news but will keep it secret. We'll proclaim it only once we are sure you are safe... Both of you."

And he laid a hand on Loki's slightly bulging belly.

Loki had to use all of his willpower not to smack him on the mouth.

Thor left them alone. Loki knew he couldn't avoid whatever Frigga was going to say.

"I know what you tried to do. Do not think you can fool me, boy." She pursed her lips in disgust. "I could have understand a moment of panic. It is no little thing to handle. But couldn't you come to me and talk ?! How could you do that to yourself and that innocent babe ?! I thought you have started to love your husband !"

To Loki, that was the last straw. He respected Frigga. He did. He was extremely found of her but, right here and now, she was all self-righteous and had no idea what she was talking about, what Loki was going through... So, he snapped.

"How could I ?" He answered with a low, threatening voice. "Do you really want to know ?" He hummed in a mock tone. "Well, let me see. I had been taken away as hostage from my country that had been attacked an ransacked by your barbaric people. I have been under the pressure of a blond boor and his sexual urges I had no interest in. Said blond boor being a killer of my kind, by the way. I have been abandoned by my parents, my brothers, my... everyone, with no other options left but marry that same boor and endure him and live the rest of my days birthing and rotting in the shadow of that pig who ruined my life, amongst enemies that wish me nothing but death. Yes, I wonder. This is a perfect world and that son of yours is the perfect man, and I am a monster for trying to have my life back !"

He had screamed the last sentence. He felt fat tears of despair rolling on his cheeks. He didn't want to talk like that to the only ally he had in this forsaken country. But now she was judging him and clearly despising him for trying to kill her possible grandchild. Loki felt as if he had lost everything and didn't need to be cautious any longer.

"So, I beg your pardon, your Majesty..." He made a mock reverence with a cruelly desperate smile. "But I have no care whatsoever for whatever it is that is eating me inside, no care whatsoever for that norns-forsaken son of yours who is the cause of my damnation and no care for anything or anyone right here and now !"

He fell back on the pillows, his hand on his burning brow. He had no strength left now that his outburst was over. He felt empty and devoid of any thought that could came in handy. Frigga was going to punish him and then he would lose the only friend he had in this hell. It didn't matter anymore. Everything was just too much. He hid his face in his hands and let himself cry for good.

He felt a cooling hand on his closed eyes. It gave an unexpected relief. He heard Frigga give a heavy and sad sigh.

"Forgive me, Little One, I had not given a thought about what you truly felt. I simply forgot that... Never mind."

She started refreshing Loki with a cold cloth, giving him water he accepted wordlessly. The motherly touch gave him some sense of comfort. The change in Frigga was unsettling but helped Loki feel better. She looked very sad and Loki saw for the first time that she was older than she looked. She seemed really tired by all this commotion.

"Now, that it is in the open..." She said. "We cannot go back. You have to carry this child. I cannot help you to... You know... end it..." She breathed heavily. "... Without Odin or Thor suspecting something fishy had occurred. You have to give birth to the heir..."

For Loki, it was as if Frigga had pierced him with her sword right through his heart.

"Wait." She cut, seeing his despair. "Just, wait. You don't know, you don't know yet what it is, to hold the one thing that was born out of you, that is a part of you and... Someone else... Maybe..." She tried a bright, hopeful smile. "Maybe... When you'll have the babe in your arms, you'll finally see... Thor's love for you, the promises that child will carry, all this happiness that you can't even imagine right now... And... Maybe..." She waved her hand. She was really trying but Loki could see she wasn't so sure of herself...

"What if I don't ?"

Loki looked at her straight in the eyes.

"What if I don't and that... child is nothing to me but another source of pain ?"

She sighed again. She looked really exhausted.

"Loki, can you really say that Thor didn't try with all his might to make you content ? Can you assert that you were in danger here or treated as being unwelcome in this family ?"

Loki bit his lips. Indeed, Thor did his best, even if it was often really awkward and not always well-timed. Furthermore, Frigga and her husband did behave as Loki was another son. But that didn't make up for everything. It just didn't.

"Indeed." He reluctantly said. "But I can't control what I feel. I can't forget... Nor forgive."

Frigga bowed her head. Apparently, she was thinking really fast.

"Then, let's make a deal. You'll have Thor's child. You'll try to get used to parenthood for a while..." She held both his hands. "And I pray the Norns with all my might that you finally open your eyes to what you can have. But if you really don't..." She let his hands go. "Then, I'll help you to go back to Jötunheim and start your life anew there."

She was about to rise leaving Loki in shock.

"Are you serious ?" He gasped. "You will really let me go home ?" His voice sounded more eager than he really wanted. Frigga simply nodded. "But how ? How could you convince them to let me go ?"

Frigga looked at him. That lost child carrying another lost child... She was desperate for a compromise but she couldn't help feeling sorry for her son and Loki, both. So much was standing between them. By making this insane deal, she hoped to gain time and that Loki would change his mind and finally fall in love, if not with Thor, at least with the babe.

"I will find a way. Trust me." And may the Norns change your mind before I have to do it... She sadly thought.

Loki felt as if a heavy stone was lift off his chest.

"Then we have a deal."

It was as if Thor had turned blind.

Insufferably blind and annoying.

There wasn't a day Loki didn't wish to punch his silly smile until all his teeth fell.

Loki was getting bigger and bigger by the day. He couldn't enter any of his usual costumes any more and he had been provided depressing pregnancy clothes that all made him look fat and ugly. He avoided mirrors, the courtiers' good wishes, pieces of advice and intrusive questions and the servants' interferences. His belly was horrifyingly protruding and heavy, straining his back. He had troubles sleeping at night and his feet hurt during the day.

He nagged and whined and stayed in bed, pouted and refused to see anyone. He lashed out at everyone and confined himself, laying in misery and self-pity, making himself (and all near him) miserable.

And Thor, sickeningly sweet Thor, poured Loki tea, pulled up the cushions, brought him exotic birds to sing and entertain him, massaged his swelling ankles and his aching back, combed him, ordered fresh flowers to be daily replaced and acted like the perfect husband and father-to-be.

Loki knew he was acting like an insufferable brat, that it was outrageous the way he spoke curtly to his devoted spouse. Loki felt he had become a bad caricature of his stupid brother Helblindi. He was ashamed but he couldn't really help it, as if he had been possessed by his cursed cargo. Tears came at night as hard as ever and sobs were even harder to stifle. But as soon as they came out, Thor raised a sleepy head and dried his cheeks wearily while tucking him inside his arms.

"It's your condition, beloved. Your body is upside down, that is why you're so confused... It'll settle down." He drowsily said.

Thor did everything he could think of and Loki wanted both to thank him and punch him. He was indeed helping but he was not making anything easier in Loki's head.

The only thing that helped him carry on was the idea that once he had made the heir, he would be able to do whatever he wanted.

He didn't want anything to do with it. He ignored his belly, ignored the occasional and regular kicking. At first, he had panicked the moment the baby started to move and seeing Thor sticking his dumb ecstatic face on his belly button to feel it too prevented Loki to complain again about it. Alas, it didn't stop Thor from touching it too frequently to Loki's taste.

That was an issue. Now that he was showing, everyone seemed to assume Loki's body was free to be touched by everyone. Thor, Frigga, the maidservants, the doctors (that couldn't be prevented...) and the mid-wives (same thing...) did either out of checking out or feeling it. If Odin had even tried, Loki would have cut his hand right away and consequences be damned... Luckily, Odin remained polite and caring but distant.

Loki counted the days. And in the same time, the prospect terrified him. He had heard countless stories of birth that went horribly wrong. His nannies used to whisper horrors with hushed voice about how the baby had been torn out of its dam's belly already dead or how the dam bled to death... Frigga and the mid-wives supported Loki and comforted him, assuring him that they would be vigilant and that everything would be just fine.

But it didn't help.

He was terrified each time he fought of that huge balloon going right through his intimacy...

And he had no one to talk to about. Hell, he had virtually NO ONE to talk with. He was secluded in his own silence and no one could attain him. Not even Thor.

"Talk to me, sweetheart, I need to know you're alright..." Thor gently pleaded only to be answered by a brutal scoff.

Thor's never ending patience bore Loki out of his wits. No matter how angry, rude or indifferent Loki could be, Thor always answered with a loving smile and a kind word. Loki could not understand this and it was the worst of all. Particularly when Loki knew he was going way over the edge. Thor was supposed to be a brainless brute and now he was acting the bigger person while Loki was doing the complete opposite.

And feeling guilty about this childishness was not helping Loki concretely.

One night, they were laying side by side but it was as if a huge invisible wall was between them. And they were both suffering from it, even if it was in different ways.

It had been a terrible day because the babe had been moving like crazy and prevented Loki to have any rest. He had thrown his meal at the servants' heads and yelled at Thor that he could go to Hell. Only to break out later in the privy in ashamed and bitter tears he hoped no one would see. The birth was getting nearer and nearer and Loki's terror was growing in consequence, making him act crazy.

Loki felt that he could not go any longer. The isolation he had bestowed on himself with his attitude was literally choking him.

"I miss you." Murmured a familiar voice in the dark, interrupting Loki's brooding.

Loki turned his head towards Thor's silhouette. He was staring at the ceiling, his hands on his belly, half covered by the blanket.

"I miss what we had..." Sighed Thor. "I know... Believe me, I know how hard it is for you... But..."

He tried to reach a hand to Loki but gave up and let it fall near Loki's arm.

"I'm only saying that I miss you and we shouldn't let fear come between us... I guess..." He hesitated.

Had Loki been in a better mood he would have find this attempt for reconciliation endearing. But his belly weighing on the rest of his body was exhausting him and consequently it made Thor look like a fool. Not in a good way for once.

"Really ?" Said Loki. "You 'miss' me ? What we 'had' ?"

His tone was weird to Thor's ears. It didn't sound good.

"Yes ?" Tried Thor.

Loki raised himself on one elbow and looked at his husband straight into his eyes. He looked neutral but determined. Thor felt that whatever Loki might say, he meant business.

"Then, prove it." Loki declared. "How ?" Thor asked. Loki's strange and cool voice was starting to scare him.

"Ride my cock."

Thor felt his blood rushed from his shoulders to his neck, cheeks, nose and brow. A bloody red hue he couldn't see but very well guess by its intensity. He couldn't believe what he had just heard. Never in a millennium the simple idea that Loki could have wanted to trade places would have ever occurred to Thor. Ever.

Same-sex relationships were not an issue in Asgard, a realm that prided itself on its highly developed civilization and tolerance. Marriages between people of the same gender were rather common and they raised their legitimate children like all the other couples but... Gender roles remained absolute, at least in Thor's mind. He acted the "male" and Loki, the "female" for he was the only one to possess both characteristics. Simple Thor logic. Wasn't he the future king of Asgard ? What would his people say if they knew he offered his ass to someone, even to his one and only spouse ?

"I... I can't..." Blabbered Thor. Loki gave a cruel smirk. He thought about it as a joke actually. But seeing Thor's confusion turned it into something more serious.

"Oh, so I am to be your bitch the rest of our lives but you wouldn't have the decency to reciprocate ?"

Thor was totally lost. He had the vague feeling that there was a tiny shred of truth in Loki's words, that they had to remain equal in this union and that Loki had a right to demand certain things. But on the other side, it felt like retaliation. Besides, Thor's fears and pride were tormenting him and Loki had a way to make him feel highly uncomfortable and guilty.

"It's not that..." Stammered Thor. Loki could have laugh if he wasn't holding back so much. "It's just that... I don't know how and... What if people knew ? What if … ? I love you, I do, but..." Thor was literally drowning. Loki pitied him a bit.

"No one will now if that's scaring you." He scorned a bit. "But it's that way or not at all." His tone was final but became more sensual and tender. A tone that Thor haven't heard for ages. "As for the rest..." Loki continued caressing Thor's thigh. "Do not worry, I can be very, very gentle." He licked Thor's ear, a thing he knew it made his poor gullible husband shiver. "Give me your first time, my darling, as I have given you mine..." He purred.

With this, Thor was done.

"Feels weird... So sloppy..."

"It's the oil, darling, you'll need it, believe me."

"I know ! I am not stupid ! It's just... Eeek, feels gross..."

"You had me covered in this once. I thought you liked it."

"Yes, on you ! Not inside of … Ow ! Loki, easy with the fingers !"

"Sorry, can't help it. It's just that you are so open, husband. Are you sure it is your first time ?"

"Shut up... Oow... Don't be so rough !"

"Look at you, the Mighty Thor, with three fingers of your little Jötunn whore up your..."

"Loki, please. Stop teasing ! I am dying here !"

"Alright, alright... Want me to... ?"

"... Yes, please..."

"Don't be so tense, husband..."

"... I... I..."

"Ooh, you are tight, my sweet master..."

"Oow, Loki not so fast !"

"Sorry, sorry... It's just really a true pleasure... The future King of Asgard on my cock..."

"Please Loki, don't mock me... OH !"

"That's it, my little Asgardian whore..."

"Ow, ow, Loki... Too rough !"

"Hot and tight and perfect... Mine alone, you hear me..."

"Yes, yes but... Ah ! AH !"

"Feel it ? Feel my rod in you, little prince ?"

"Oooh, Loki... I can't..."

"Feel me deep ? Feel me hard and branding you ?"

"I do, I do ! Norns, I'm... Oooh !"

It was a living nightmare.

There was the chaos around him of midwives, servants, Thor and Frigga encouraging him to breathe, then to push, to breathe again, to... He wanted to turn them all into stone so they could just shut up and let him try to survive to this at least in peace and quiet.

There was the pain.

There was nothing but pain and that huge canon ball that tried to get out of him by such a tiny opening, tearing him apart. At first, he had tried remain dignified, that it would be easy as the birthing team had instructed him but, right now, he was just a mess of sweat, tears and other disgusting things. He wanted to stab someone, he wanted to kill everything and everyone and then kill himself.

How could he be reduced to this ? A pathetic, obese, wet and bloody mess incapable of doing anything but expel some monster ready to devour him alive.

He wanted it to stop, he wanted to die.

And most of all he wanted whiny-baby-Thor that urged him to breathe again to shut up and go to Hell, for the millionth time.

Before Loki blacked out from the last searing pain that pierced him entirely he heard the chief midwife.

"The Royal Heir is born !"