A/N: Thanks for understanding my hiatus on this story. I really needed it. Even if it didn't last that long. Anyways...enjoy!
Sexy
Kurt
Kurt and Blaine stood in line at the Lima Bean, shooting off ideas back and forth of dream artists that the Warblers should cover. Blaine's so far being: Wham!, Mariah Carey, and Maroon 5. And Kurt's were all basically Broadway, or Broadway related. "Don't you think it's time for the Warblers to do a Joan Armatrading medley?" Kurt offered to Blaine curiously as they made their way up further in line.
"I'm not so sure people know who that is," Blaine informed Kurt, upsetting the other boy's pride just a little bit...but Blaine tried to keep a smile to let him know it was all ok. But the realization still stung the brunette boy.
"Well, well, if it isn't my sweet, sweet Porcelain." The new voice that appeared seemingly out of nowhere, got both boys attention, as they turned their head to the person behind them. And it was none the other: Sue Sylvester. What the hell was she doing here?!
"Coach Sylvester. What are you doing here?" Kurt asked dryly, her being there not being much of a surprise to him. She'd do anything to sabotage the New Directions. And weasel away with any cheating tactics possible...and spying, was the least offense that she has upheld. And now that she's coaching her own Glee Club...
"Oh, just picking up some coffee," Sue answered, "I like my enemas pipin' hot." Kurt learned not to question the words that came out of Sue Sylvester's mouth. But he found it slightly amusing to see Blaine in such confusion as to try and contemplate and figure out what she said meant. He dared not bother to explain, which, he knew, would lead to more confusion for the hazel-eyed boy. "Actually boys," Sue continued, taking off her sunglasses as she did so, "I heard that this was a Dalton Academy hangout and I come in a spirit of fellowship. As you no doubt have heard, I have taken over for the coach of Aural Intensity..."
Kurt tried not to roll his eyes as cut her off with a scathing truth she refused to admit: "We heard you pushed him down the stairs," Kurt commented, with disappointment. But he really wasn't surprised that she'd stoop so low...
"Well, you can't prove that," Sue replied. Kurt saw Blaine's confusion spread across his face in his expressions, and decided to ease it with a simple statement...
"This is just sort of how she talks," Kurt attempted to explain.
"So, I happen to have some top-secret intel," Sue said. "Will Schuester has finally realized that his team's Achilles heel is their utter lack of sex appeal." Sue began dumping things into her drink. Including wrappers of sugar packets fall into her cup too. Kurt and Blaine shared a confused glance when she kept adding more and more. "New Directions are getting sexy. And the key to Regionals is out-sexing them," Sue declared, "And I suspect that the judges are scoring extra for it this year." Sue continued. "So, Porcelain, quid pro quo. What do you have for me?" Sue asked the boys in front of her. Blaine was just confused by his "nickname".
"I'm sorry, coach, but you and I are not in cahoots," Kurt verified. But that just seemed to piss Sue off...
"Probably should have nailed that down before I gave you my top-secret intel," Sue realized. "Porcelain," Sue started as she placed the lid on her drink, ", you just made a powerful enema." And just like that, she was gone.
Blaine
This all was giving Blaine an idea..."We've got to hold an emergency meeting."
"Why?" Kurt asked, hoping Blaine took everything Sue had said as a joke...
"Weren't you listening?" Blaine started with his defense, "The judges at Regionals have an eye out for something new. Which means... the Warblers gotta do something sexified." The other Warbler grinned as he made his way to their usual table.
"Yes Blaine, I was listening. And if you were hearing the same words that were coming out of THAT woman's mouth! You'd realize she's insane! I don't even understand how she's allowed to keep her job with all the yelling and pushing kids around that she does! You don't know what's she's capable of!" Kurt tried to explain to the younger boy as he sat in front of him. "The only good thing she's ever done, was help defend me when Karofsky threatened to kill me!" Kurt went further on. "And since then, she's still made everyone's lives at McKinley a living hell!"
"But weren't you the person who told me anyone could change given the opportunity?" Blaine questioned.
"I don't think she's doing that with giving us "top secret intel"...that's just plain cheating!" Kurt exclaimed.
"But how did I first meet you, Kurt?" Kurt tried to stumble a statement but became uneventful. "Exactly! Look, Kurt. The women is an obvious champion and knows what she's doing...maybe...we should listen."
Kurt sighed and just nodded. "Just leave me out it..." Kurt begged.
"Oh, but Kurt...I could never do that..." Blaine teased and left. Leaving an annoyed Kurt just sitting by himself...
"Emergency Warbler meeting, called by Blaine Anderson!" Wes announced as he banged his gavel. "It better be good this time..." The older boy said, pointing his gavel at Blaine. Who simply held his hands up in defense and nodded.
"I promise...it will be..." Blaine promised, before turning to face the group. "Kurt and I were at the Lima Bean this morning, when we got some top-secret intel about what the judges are looking for a Regionals this year..." He left the boys leaning forward in anticipation. "SEX!" He finished with a clap of his hands. Murmurs spread across the room, and Wes had to bang his gavel to get them all to calm down...
"What are you insiuating, Blaine?" David questioned the younger boy.
"I am merely suggesting we...work on our sex appeal! The New Directions are doing the same thing...So...it couldn't hurt to...spice up our performances with some sexiness!" He shouted excitedly. "We can even sing for those Crawford Country girls!" The council looked at each other, whispering amongst themselves," before Wes banged the gavel.
"It's decided. The Warblers will approach this new tactic...but where?"
"My dad owns a warehouse an hour away from Crawford..." Jeff spoke out. "My sister goes there, so I think I can convince her to have her friends watch and critique our performance..." More murmurs.
"Motion passed!" Blaine grinned from ear to ear, thanking the council. While Kurt was fighting off a horrendous blush...and loosing...
Kurt
"What song do you think we should do?!" Blaine asked Kurt as they made their way down the lunch line. Clamming his many ideas. "Maybe...This Love by Maroon 5...?" Blaine suggested.
"Too predictable," Kurt responded as they sat down. Shooting down all of Blaine's ideas. Because he really didn't want to do this. With his feelings about Blaine already confusing enough...he has to suffer with discovering himself...sexually, recently. And trying not to think about Blaine in the most compromising positions.
"Why are you such a Debbie Downer all of a sudden?" Blaine asked before eating some of his carrot sticks. "Shouldn't you be excited?! I'd expect you of all people to come up with ideas..." Blaine pointed out as he took a sip from his milk.
"I just..."sexiness" isn't something I think about, Blaine." Kurt snapped, trying to change the subject as quickly as possible...
"You mean...you don't think about anyone like that...?" Blaine allowed the question to hang in the air as he took another sip. Quirking an eyebrow as well.
"Like what, Blaine?" Kurt questioned back.
"Like...that..." Blaine tried to stay as PG as possible...
"OH! No, no, no, no, no, no! NO!" Kurt quickly got up and left Blaine just sitting there...confused.
"I would like to welcome the ladies of our sister school, Crawford Country Day," Blaine acknowledged. As you know, the Warblers are competing in our show choir's Regionals competition next week." The girls just nodded. Probably not even paying attention to the words coming out of Blaine's mouth. More focused on trying not to drool over his eyes or whatever...
Kurt rolled his eyes. Of course, Blaine was the one to entrance girls...while he still appeared more as the Pillsbury Doughboy more than a ripped guy on a romance novel cover you see at the Dollar Store with some cheesy title like... "The Capture of Her Heart" or "The Salvation of Love"...
"So," Blaine explained, "what we're going for here today, ladies, is something a little... a little sexy. But we need your input. Are we scream-worthy? Do we make your knees turn to jelly?" Blaine was totally enjoying all of the attention. While Kurt was just holding back his jealousy.
"So, without further ado, hang on to your bobby socks girls, 'cause we're about to rock your world." Blaine concluded. The gaggle of girls giggled as the performance began.
"Here we are again
I feel the chemicals kicking in
It's getting heavy and I want to run and hide
I want to run and hide..."
Kurt tried to ignore the girls he was trying to swoon, and kept his attention on Blaine for as long as he could. Singing with as must gusto and pride as he could muster. Making faces he thought appeared sexy...
"I do it every time
You're killing me now..."
Blaine
"And I won't be denied by you
The animal inside of you!"
The faces Kurt was making were really starting to confuse Blaine. He used hand gestures and scrunched up his face to appear sexy.
"Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight...
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?"
All Blaine did was smile at the girls and give them a wink. The girls giggled and danced along and pointed to boys they thought were cute. But no one was pointing at Kurt...
"What are you waiting for?
Say goodbye to my heart tonight..."
Kurt and Blaine faced each other as the continued to sing. Pressing a finger to their lips. Before running off to different sides of the stairway and as the other Warblers gathered around the girls. Singing directly to them.
"Hush, hush, the world is quiet
Hush, hush, we both can't fight it
It's us that made this mess
Why can't you understand?
Woah, I won't sleep tonight!"
Kurt and Blaine started the foam machine and bubbles fell everywhere. Girls dancing with guys. Warblers taking blazers off and spinning them around. All smiles. Both boys ran down to join them as the song concluded.
"Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
Take a bite of my heart tonight!
Oh, oh, I want some more
Oh, oh, what are you waiting for?
What are you waiting for?
What are you waiting
Here we go again, oh, oh
Here we go again, oh, oh
Say goodbye to my heart tonight!"
Everyone got cleaned up, and all was left were two final girls and Kurt and Blaine in the warehouse. Both girls held out a piece of paper. Grinning like mad. "Call us." One of the girls said as they offered their numbers to the slightly taller boy.
"Sweet, but...not on your team," Both girls rolled their eyes in disappointment as they made their way out of the warehouse. Blaine just smiled and laughed to himself as he made his way over to Kurt. Towel around his neck and was combing his hair back in place. "Are you okay?" he asked Kurt, "You kept making those weird faces the whole song."
Kurt looked up and smiled, "Those weren't weird faces, Those were my sexy faces." Kurt corrected and explained. Blaine lightly bit his lip as he tried to let Kurt know, as gently as possible that...those faces were...NOT sexy...at all...
"It just looked like you were having gas pains or something," he admitted. But it wasn't as gentle as he tried it to come off as...
"Great!" Kurt exclaimed in defeat. "How are we supposed to get up on the stage at Regionals and sell sexy to the judges when I have as much sexual appeal and knowledge as a baby penguin?" Kurt sighed as Blaine just smiled, trying to make the other boy feel better.
"We'll figure something out," Blaine promised. Kurt looked back up to see Blaine smiling. He was just hoping this would be something he could come out of unscathed...
Kurt
"Let's give these a try, shall we?" Blaine suggested as they sat in front of Kurt's mirror. "Give me...seductive." Kurt rolled his eyes and made a face. Winking at biting his lip. While Blaine had to bite back laughter.
"No...you have to...relax into it...don't try so hard..." Blaine explained. "Just...imagine you're across the room, and there's this really cute boy on the other side, and you're trying to tell him..."Come over here..." with just your facial expressions. C'mon... let's try again on that face." Kurt nodded and tried again, only having a slight amount of improvement.
"Sorry...I just-" Kurt tried to explain before getting cut off by Blaine.
"It's ok...we're just practicing. Alright, so give me... sensual. But don't make fun of it! Like, really try," Blaine encouraged. Hoping the boy would take this at fate's value. But seemingly made the same face. Blaine just nodded and took it for what it was worth. "Now give me... sultry."
Kurt gave a growling face. Like one of the ones, he made in the Animals performance earlier that day...
Blaine attempted to hold in a laugh as he had to be honest with the boy, "Uh, Kurt, they're all sort of looking the same,"
"That's because the face I'm actually doing is 'uncomfortable'," Kurt pointed out as he stood up and turned to face Blaine. "This is pointless, Blaine. I don't know how to be sexy because I don't know the first thing about sex." Kurt admitted. But not wanting to at all.
"Kurt you're blushing!" Blaine acknowledged. A smile creeping up on his face.
"I've tried watching those movies," Kurt admitted, and now Blaine had to keep his mind off of the idea of Kurt watching Porn..."But I just get horribly depressed and I think about how they were all kids once and they all have mothers. And god, what would their mothers think? And why would you get that tattoo there?" Blaine held in another laugh as Kurt rambled. He easily guessed that McKinley was more than lacking sexual education classes. Especially for kids like Kurt who might need extra information.
"Well, maybe we should have a conversation about it," Blaine suggested, "I'll tell you what I know."
Kurt widely shook his head. Not even wanting to think about it. Or talk about it. Especially with Blaine..."No, I don't want to know the graphic details," he spoke nervously. "I like romance. That's why I like Broadway musicals. Because the touch of the fingertips is as sexy as it gets."
"Kurt, you're gonna have to learn about it someday," Blaine admitted the truth to the older boy.
"Well, not today. I think I've learned quite enough for today, thank you. I think you should leave." Blaine didn't argue it and nodded gently. Leaving. But not before making one final comment. "Kurt, if you need anything. Advice about...this, or anything else," Kurt looked up at the other boy. "I'm always here..." He said simply before leaving.
Blaine
Blaine walked into Burt's tire shop. Kurt refused to learn about sex. So...he decided to take matters into his own hands..."Need a hand?" The older man looked up and nodded as he saw the other boy walk closer.
"Yeah. Why don't you hand me that carburetor?" Burt asked, becoming very stunned as Blaine picked up the right one. "How'd you know which one it was?" Burt asked, still stunned.
"My dad and I rebuilt a '59 Chevy in our driveway two summers ago. One of his many attempts at bonding..." Blaine chuckled to himself as he recounted the story. Leaning against a tool cart as he spoke.
"You here looking for parts?" Burt asked as he looked up from the hood of the car he was currently working on.
"No actually. I, uh, wanted to talk to you about Kurt." Blaine replied.
"Is he okay? " Burt asked, immediately concerned.
"Have you ever talked to him about...sex?" Blaine asked carefully. Trying to stay as respectful as possible.
"Are you gay, or straight, or what?" Burt questioned
"I'm definitely gay..." Blaine answered matter of factly.
"Okay, good. I mean, you know, whatever, but, uh You know, good for Kurt. He needs someone like you to talk to." Burt said as he walked over to find some tools that he needed.
"Well, that's kind of my point. I've tried talking to him, but he basically puts his fingers in his ears and starts singing." Blaine said pointedly. Trying to explain Kurt's situation.
"Well, when he's ready, he'll listen." Burt said smiling, as he grabbed a cloth.
"I'm worried that it might be too late. You know, Dalton doesn't even have sex ed classes. Most schools don't. And the ones that do almost never discuss what sex is like for gay kids. Kurt is-is the most moral, compassionate person I've ever met." Blaine went on and on. Burt noticing the words he used and understanding it only came from one source.
"Yeah, he gets that from his mother." Burt explained.
"And-And I am blown away by your guys' relationship. You think my dad built a car with me because he loves cars? I think he did it because he thought getting my hands dirty might make me straight." Blaine said sadly. His mom was usually the person he went to talk about these things nowadays. His dad was always busy at the office and Cooper was in California. His mom always made time to come home from the firm to talk to him. Especially when he was discovering that he was gay...
"You know, he talk to you about this, uh, kind of stuff?" Burt asked, trying to get a grasp of what kind of relationship the other boy had with his family. Because right now, it didn't sound like the prettiest picture...
"No. I had to go find it for myself. The Internet is great, and all the information is out there, but I went searching for it. Kurt won't, and one day he'll be at a party and maybe have a few drinks, and then he'll meet some guy and start fooling around and he's not gonna know about using protection or S.T.D.s..." Blaine spoke quieter at those last few words before raising his voice back to normal as he continued, "I don't have the relationship with my dad that you have with Kurt. I think it would be really cool if you took advantage of that." Blaine encouraged. "I'm sorry if I'm overstepping."
Burt just nodded and quietly sighed to himself before answering. "You are." The older man replied. Blaine took this as a suggestion to leave. So he just nodded as he walked out.
Kurt
Burt did not have a nice time at the Free Clinic. It was more awkward than anything. But he did it because of the advice Blaine had given him. The more and more he thought about it...he really should have "the talk" with Kurt. If Kurt was that clueless about what sex was...he was scared what he'd learn from the internet instead of the facts. And since Kurt advised him not too long ago to inform himself...it was better now than ever.
Kurt had just finished washing the dishes. Finn was over at Sam's and Carole had a late shift at the hospital. So, it was just them. So this could very possibly make it more or less awkward. Depending on how you view it. Kurt was about to go back up to his room when Burt placed the pamphlets he got on the counter.
"What are those?" Kurt quickly asked.
Oh...this was gonna be fun..."Those are some pamphlets that I picked up from the free clinic." Burt explained, "I thought it might help the process along because it is time you and I had "the talk"..." Kurt's eyes bugged out of his head and he trembled inwardly at the thought.
"No, it's not." Kurt quickly replied. Trying to get out of it.
"Yes, it is. You told me to educate myself-" Burt started again before Kurt stuck his fingers in his ears and began to sing. Trying to get away as quickly as possible.
"La, la, la..." Kurt began to "sing" as he tried to walk away.
"Hey, you think this is easy for me? " Burt asked, but Kurt just kept singing...
" La, la, la, la..." But Burt gripped his arms to calm him down and walked him over to the table that sat between the kitchen and the sitting room.
"Okay, believe me, I want to do this even less than you do. This is gonna suck for both of us but we're gonna get through it together and we will both be better men because of it." Kurt just simply nodded and sat, his dad sat across from him. "Now, first, most of the, um...mechanics...of what you're gonna be doing is covered in the pamphlets. Okay, so, I want you to read them and then I want you to come talk to me about it. Deal?" Burt asked as he slid the stacks of paper over to Kurt.
"Okay." Kurt nodded and stood, hoping this was all of it...
"All right...Now- " Burt clapped his hands together, only to see his son was trying to sneak away again. Kurt looked in awkwardness as he sat back down. "Hey, sit down. We're just getting started. All right. You know, for most guys, sex is just, you know- It's this thing we always want to do. You know, it's fun, it feels great but we're not really thinking too much about, you know how it makes us feel on the inside or, you know, how the other person feels about it." Burt began.
"Women are different?" Kurt asked. But it was more of a statement rather than a question.
"Only because they get that it's about something more than just the physical. You know, when-when you're intimate with somebody in...that way you're...exposing yourself. You know, you're never going to be more vulnerable and that scares the hell out of a lot of guys. Believe me, I can't tell you how many buddies I've got who have gotten in way too deep with a girl who said she was cool with just hooking up." Burt continued. Hoping his mini-story would come off as a cautionary tale.
"But that's not gonna happen to me, Dad." Kurt stated matter of factly.
"No. It's gonna be worse, okay? Because it's two guys. With two guys, you got two people who think that sex is just sex. It's gonna be easier to come by and once you start doing this stuff, you're not gonna want to stop. You got to know that it means something. You know, it's doing something to you to your heart, to your self-esteem even though it feels like you're just having fun." Burt slightly warned.
"So you're saying I shouldn't have sex."
"I think on your 30th birthday, it is a great gift to yourself. Kurt, when you're ready I want you to be able to do everything. But when you're ready, I want you to use it as a way to connect to another person. Don't throw yourself around like you don't matter. 'Cause you matter, Kurt." Kurt tried not to tear up and show that those words, especially coming from his dad...it really showed that he did truly care about him. If he didn't, he wouldn't be doing this...and was truly thankful.
"Is that it?" Kurt asked as he felt the conversation drawing to a close...
"That's it. For now." Kurt stood, "Can I make you some toast?"
Kurt shook his head, and took his pamphlets in his hands as he spoke. "I think I'll take it up to my room to eat while I look over my new pamphlets." He looked down at the man who still sat, smiling in gratitude at him, "Thank you, Dad."
"You're welcome..." Kurt nodded and walked away to make some toast. That may have been an awkward conversation, but it did definitely help him in ways he didn't expect.
As he ate in his room, he looked over the information. Trying not to cringe at the medical terms being used like: penis or seamen. But understood it was better than using...other words...
At around 10 o' clock, Kurt fell asleep. Without even remembering to do his nighttime skin routine. But, for once...he didn't care. Because he was actually informed now. Well, at least...more than he was before.
Blaine
Kurt popped a piece of gum in his mouth as he re-organized his books inside his messenger bag. Blaine was laughing and talking with some friends when he saw Kurt across the hall. "Uh...I'll have to talk later guys," Before running over to the other boy, "KURT!"
The blue-eyed boy looked up at the mention of his name. Only to see Blaine slowing down his pace as he made his way closer to him. "Hey." He simply said as he started to walk.
"Look, I-uh...wanted to apologize about our-" Kurt stopped in place.
"Stop. Look...it's fine. My dad...gave me some stuff to read over and...even though I'm not...ready...I do understand that, I might...want to one day..." Kurt simply said, besides stuttering his words. Blaine was absolutely stunned.
"Wow! Well, I'm glad he talked to you. I mean, I told him he should-"
"Wait a minute, you told my dad to go to the free clinic?" Kurt asked, Blaine guiltily nodded. "Thanks for the most awkward conversation of my life..." Kurt gave light-heartedly as he pushed his shoulder strap up.
"Kurt, I said-" Kurt began to laugh.
"Look...if it wasn't for you...I wouldn't know what I do now. So...thanks for talking to my dad. I don't think I could've ever done that..." Blaine smiled as they kept walking...
"So do how do you like my idea to sing Maroon 5 at Regionals?" Blaine asked brightly.
"How about we just stop while you're ahead?"
A/N: Wow! That was a long chapter! You're gonna see these popping up more and more once summer starts (hopefully). But I got a 4-day weekend to work on this chapter. And boy did that go by fast...And I just had to include the scenes where Blaine talked to Burt and the sex talk between Burt and Kurt. Those are such important scenes in my opinion that I don't think I could've left them out in good conscience. Anyway...I hope you enjoyed! See you in Original Song!