We all know that knowing my luck the video won't actually upload after ALL THIS. So here we are; a consolation prize.

I actually really hate the way this chapter turned out. And I hate how OOC everyone has become. This story is becoming awful.

I originally wrote the second part of this chapter as Julie announcing that she and Kevin were dating, but it seemed 'so wrong on an inexplicably huge scale' – FLAWLESS QUOTING THERE – that I had to delete it.

On the plus side, I've brought in Julie again as a special present for Jill, aren't I good to you? ;')

Okay, that was a long A/N. And it's the best bit about this chapter. Sorry.

Chapter Ten – Every Moment with You

"I didn't mean..."

"I know you didn't mean to. But how many people say that? Oh, I didn't mean to murder them – the knife just went in a bit too hard? Come on, Gill," the sergeant's tone was softer now, because she could see Gill's fingers shaking, "You always say; we've known each other for nineteen years. We know each other, and I know that is entirely out-of-character for you."

"But Sophie doesn't," Amy added. She didn't have her camera out now; it seemed like an inappropriate time.

"We all know you've been emotionally affected by this case. God, we all have, and we understand that, but you in particular, Gill."

"I'm fine," she said, "Where's Sophie?"

"Just hang fire a minute," Janet swung her legs back and forth under the table, "If you think Sophie's wrong, then fine, but we need to look into that line of enquiry, don't we? You do see that, don't you? There's a difference between being emotionally attached and being downright reckless because of it; if you're going to make bad calls because of what happened then maybe you shouldn't be here."

"I don't make bad calls."

"I know. I know you don't. That's why this is wrong. You haven't eaten or slept for days; it's all going to catch up with you, Gill. And we can't allow that – this is too big to be compromised. You know as well as I do that we need justice for Jade."

"That's what-" Gill mumbled, suddenly needing to gasp in oxygen. She was not going to cry in front of any of these people. Janet was bad enough, but Lee and Rachel were here, and all of the stragglers... the girls... "I don't want to have to do this."

"I know. Neither do we."

"You don't understand."

"We do," Lizzie piped up suddenly, "If you have to investigate this, then you're admitting that she might not be dead, you're opening up that possibility, you're giving everyone the hope that she's alive."

"But then if it turns out to be wrong," Hayley continued, "It just makes it worse, because you've started believing she's okay, and then you know she's not."

"We understand perfectly."

Janet nodded, unable to do a better job that the girls at explaining that. They were bright and brilliant, these kids. Oldham nick needed more cops like them.

"Gill, Julie said from the doorway. No 'hiya, Slap' today then.

"Ah, good, Julie," Gill snapped. She was glad get away from the fact that three teenage girls cared about her; she didn't want them to see her tears. "Lee and Pete have just spent all morning tracking down who sent Kevin that lizard. We thought it could be a clue – you know, maybe he's been kidnapped, and taken to a dragon zoo or something? But no. Why the hell did you send one of my officers a lizard?"

Julie stepped into the room and sat down next to Rachel. "Yes, thank you, Gill. Thank you for calling to tell me Kevin had gone missing. Some little PC barely out of nappies with snot dribbling down his nose informed me that there was now a search being conducted for an officer from MIT who'd disappeared. Can you imagine how stupid I looked, in front of my entire team?"

"Well, worrying about you looking like an idiot wasn't exactly my number one priority."

"Well, maybe it should have been."

"Woah, ladies," Lee smirked, "Handbags away."

"Lee, Rach," Janet suggested softly, in a tone that said 'I don't want to order you around, but I'm the sergeant here, and you need to do what I say', "Why don't you take Lizzie, Amy and Hayley back to the girls. I'm sure you can explain what's going on – explain to Sophie that Gill didn't mean to upset her. And it must nearly be lunchtime; see if they're doing chips in the canteen today."

Julie and Gill stayed silent until the officers and the girls had left.

"What wrong with you two? I've never seen you argue before."

Julie shook her head slowly. It seemed as though all of her anger had evaporated, and now she felt guilty for her outburst. She didn't want to look at Gill, because she could hear the quiet sniffing as her best friend tried not to cry. It wasn't her fault – not all of it, at least – but she felt guilty. She should've protected her.

"Am I..." Janet wrinkled her nose, "Am I missing something here? There's not... is there something going on between Julie and Kevin?"

"NO," Julie and Gill said together."

"Oh. Sorry. I just thought..."

Gill laughed at the absurdity of the suggestion, but the sound turned into a moan. She buried her head in her hands, knowing that the CCTV was still rolling, knowing that her colleagues could all be standing around a camera watching her like she was an animal – a lizard, no doubt – in a cage, fascinated by her tears.

They'd never seen her cry. She didn't know if that was good or bad. She needed to be the strong one for her team when everything was going badly, she needed to show them it would be okay; on the other hand, did never showing any emotion suggest that you didn't care? That was far, far away from the truth.

"It's alright, Gill," Julie said, "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too. Christ, what's happening to us all?"

"I think you both need to go home and get some sleep. I don't know about you, Julie, but Gill's barely stopped all week, and sometimes I think you just need to take a step back and think," Janet told them both sternly, like she was their mother. She loved to mother Rachel, even if she pretended she didn't. "We can't function if the people we look up to are falling apart, can we?"

"It's been hard. You know, with the girls," Gill wiped her face with her sleeve – she'd always told Sammy off for doing that, "Then with Kevin. It's just hard."

Neither Janet nor Julie could think of a suitable reply. Gill attempted a smile, but both of her friends could see she was still crying inside. That was what friends were for, to notice those things.

Julie came closer and reached out a hand; her fingers brushed Gill's shoulder. And that action said it all.

XxXxX