A/N: Hey guys! I'm really, Really sorry that it's been two months since i last updated. my WiFi decided to die. I have chapter 11 written though so it should be posted within the next two days. please review and tell me what you think. constructive criticism is welcomed, but no flames please. I love every single one of you that reads/follows/favourites/reviews this story. chapter 11 shouldn't take me two months to update ;)

~Slightly Afraid

Chapter 10

It had been almost a month since we'd found out Tobias had slipped into a coma. It was now November, and in a couple of weeks it would be my 18th birthday. As I lay in my bed waiting for the clock to change from 5:35am to 7:00am, I thought about everything that had happened since the train crash. Initiation had passed with the majority of the transfers passing through. Surprisingly it was Cass (the girl that had annoyed Tobias so much on the first day) and Asir (the girl I bet against with Uriah during their first fights) that ended up factionless.

Ever since Uriah and Zeke had woken me up the night we found out about Tobias had slipped into a coma, and after they had carried me from Tobias' bed side to my own apartment, I tried to put on a brave face and be strong. I refused to show how my world was crumbling with each sleep educed breath my boyfriend took, not even knowing if he'd ever wake up.

I looked over at my bedside table trying to see my electric blue digital alarm clock with my sleepy eyes, and saw that it was now 6:24am. I decided that I may as well get up and start getting ready for work. Today I had my shift at the tattoo parlour from 7:30 until 12:30 and then I had to train with the rest of the protection force, doing drills and working out etcetera from half one until half two. Then Zeke and I would have to go to each of the other four factions and check the security system. I was trying to keep myself busy. Almost always doing something to occupy my mind, and volunteering to go round the factions, checking security and delivering various leaders to various meetings, making sure that the erudite rebels and Dauntless traitors wouldn't try to attack like they'd done with Four. No matter what anyone else said, I still felt that it was my fault, and until he wakes up, I'll hold the burden on my shoulders.

I kicked off the thick quilt which lay on top of me and trudged over to the en suite attached to my bedroom. I turned on the shower, and stood back, so that when I got in the water would be warm, and not freezing because it hadn't heated up yet. I then stripped up my black sweatpants and Four's baggy tee-shirt and stepped into the hot stream letting the heat unknot my tight muscles.

When I got out, I quickly dried my hair with my hair dryer and dressed in skinny black jeans, a ¾ sleeved black v-neck tee-shirt and an old style of boots called doc. Martins. Standing in front of the mirror on the dresser beside my bed, I put on my make up; a thick line of coal black eye liner and a layer of mascara. I tied my dyed chocolate brown hair into a ponytail at the back of my head, pinning my fringe back just before leaving my apartment. I grabbed the chain Tobias got me, and fastened it around my neck with one hand and shut the door with the other, not bothering to lock it.

oOo

After a quick breakfast of pancakes and golden syrup, Zeke, Christina, Uriah, Shauna, Peaches and I walked to the hospital wing to visit Four before we started work.

The walk to the hospital wing seemed to take forever, and I couldn't help but feel guilty with every step I took, yet I endured my ever growing feelings of self loathing in silence.

When we finally arrived at the hospital, the receptionist asked our names and who we were visiting while she looked at the screen of her computer. She finally found what she was looking for and told us that we could go through. I walked down the spotless white corridors with Zekes arm round my shoulders and Christina, Uriah, Shauna and Peaches at my side. I'm glad I have my friends support, because I don't think I could've made it down the oppressing corridors by myself. Finally we arrive at Tobias' door but my feet are unwilling to move through the frame. I could see my boyfriend's unmoving form on the stiff, uncomfortable hospital bed. He looked just as bad as the last time I visited. The only difference was that there was another drip attached to his arm, and the bruises on his face had faded. Chris, Uriah, Shauna and Peaches walked into the large room and went to say hi and give encouragement to the unconscious leader.

Zeke put a hand on my arm and smiled encouragingly.

"Come on Tris," he said softly. "He needs you." He paused, awaiting my response. "You know, when we were at Erudite HQ on Tuesday, I spoke to Cara. She said that most coma patients can hear what's going on around them." He grins mischievously and I smile back. Zeke grabs my hand, dragging me to fours' bedside. I sit on the comfy chair next to him while Zeke sits in the hard plastic chair opposite me and the rest of our friends stand.

"Sup Four," say Zeke and Peaches perfectly synchronised.

"That was kind of creepy…" I say suppressing a giggle and Uriah flashes me a smile. Christina puts a hand on my shoulder and moves a step closer to the bed.

"Hey Four. Hope you're doing ok in there. Do you have any idea how many shopping trips I've had to sacrifice to keep Tris Company? You owe me big time mister!" she turns her head slightly and winks at me, and I can't help but crack up along with the rest of the room.

Almost like the flick of a switch, my expression became sincere. I leaned forwards and placed my hand on Tobias' arm.

"Hey, it's me. Zeke said coma patients could hear when people spoke to them-"

"Actually I said they could hear what was going on around them," I gave Zeke my best death glare. "You know what? I'm just going to shut up."

"Good idea." Everyone in the room says at the same time.

"-I'm not sure whether or not it's true, knowing Zeke, it's probably just some joke to make us all look like idiots while he records it so that later he can broadcast it to the whole faction." Shauna playfully shoves her boyfriend. "But if you can hear me, I just wanted to tell you that I love you and that no matter how long you're under, I'll always wait for you. No matter what, I'll always be here," I could feel that the room had just gotten a little sadder with my speech so I decided to lighten it up a little. "That is unless you're dreaming about some other girl. Then I'm going to climb inside your head and beat you up!" I say with a grin.

oOo

I glanced at the wall closest to the door of the tattoo parlour. 12:25. I'd be leaving for lunch soon. I'd just finished giving a guy a tattoo of a fire breathing dragon down his back. It looked really cool. It was just using black in, and it took up most of the guys back. The dragons head was at his lower back and had the tail curling round his neck going into the collar bone. The fire from the dragon's mouth curled round his waist and then across to about his navel. It was probably one of my favourite pieces of work. I was absentmindedly interlocking random lines in my sketch pad when Tori came over to me and put a hand on my shoulder.

"That's good," she said, "maybe we could put it up on the wall with the other ideas?"

Smiling, I nodded my head. I knew she was trying to cheer me up, but it wasn't really working. I'd always feel that what happened to Tobias was my fault. If only I'd been firmer with him; if I'd demanded that I go instead of him… but "if only" s can't change the past. It's what we do in the present that defines us. I can't change what happened, but maybe I can determine what happens in the future. All I have to do now is wait for Tobias to wake up.