I'M REALLY HAPPY EVERYONE IS ENJOYING THIS FANFIC :)

OKAY SO SOMETHING HAPPENS IN THIS CHAPTER . IT HAS TO HAPPEN BECUASE IT'S LIFE AND BECAUSE OF A FUTURE CHAPTER. SO THAT BEING SAID ENJOY!

It was Wednesday afternoon and I was just getting in from work. Dad was going to take me to the airport. My flight was scheduled to leave at 6:00 and it was about 3:00 so we were doing pretty well with time. I was already packed and ready, but needed to call Ben to confirm the plans. He told me he will be working late, and probably be leaving work. I called him at work and the receptionist put me through to him.

"Hi Ben"

"Hey baby, are you ready?"

"Yes, I was calling to confirm. I should be in around eight-thirty or so"

"I know I have it all written down and I can't wait to see you. I really missed you. I have been thinking about us a lot lately.

"What about?"

"Just how I believe I'm the luckiest man in the world to be marrying a women like you. I don't know what I did to deserve you but I thank God for you. I want our wedding day to be everything you imagined it would be."

"Ben you make me feel like anything is possible."

"And that's how you should feel, because with me baby the sky is the limit."

"Well honey we have a lot of planning to do."

"I know and it will be wonderful. I can't wait to see you walking down the aisle to me. You're going to be a beautiful bride."

"Thank you, honey and I love you for saying that. Now I need to go take care of a few things before I miss my flight."

"Okay baby, have a safe flight and I'll see you later.

When he hung up I felt great for a split second. For the first time that day I wasn't thinking about Maya or out lunch date. I figured I'd call both her and Carmen before I left. I hadn't talk to Carmen since the night I met Maya at the club. I thought I'll call to say hello...and see if she has talked to Maya at all since the the night. I picked up the phone.

"Hey, Carmen what's up?"

"Nothing, girl just sitting here reading the paper. What's going on?"

"Nothing much. I'm getting ready to leave Virginia."

"Here we go. How long will you be gone?" She sighed

"I'll be back on Sunday. What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. Have fun with you man."

"Carmen when are you going to stop trippin about this?"

"What do you want from me Emily? You want me to be happy about this? Okay wonderful, fantastic, great I'm happy! I hope you don't get knocked up."

"Whatever. I'm not going to get knocked up" I said that as if that was impossible.

"Well, you never know"

"I'm not worrying about that... Hey Carmen umm tell me again how you meet Maya?"

"Why?"

"Just curious."

"Like I told that night, I met her at a party. She's good people and for a college chick she has it all together."

"What do you know about her?"

"I know you shouldn't be worrying about her. " Carmen said.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"All I'm saying is go see your man and don't worry about Maya."

"Why? Are you interested?"

"No, and if I was, what's it to you?"

"Why are you being a smart ass?" I really didn't want to get into it with Carmen, but that's where it was leading up to.

"Looking out for you girl. Don't want you to 'relapse'."

This conversation was a mistake and one I knew I'd live to regret. "Look Carmen, I'll call you when I get back."

"Okay, be good." She laughed as she hung up the phone.

I thought about calling Maya, but for what? What was I going to say that I hadn't already said? I wanted to get to the airport, get on the plane and rest my mind.

I took a quick shower, got dressed and took my suitcase to the car. Jade was watching TV, and mother was on the phone. It was not 4:30 and I was beginning to feel anxious. Dad came home in enough time to put his bags down and say hello to his wife. I gave mother a hug and told her I'd see her on Sunday. Without hanging up the phone she said "Have a safe trip, Emily."

Jade was walking to the door. I looked at her and said "Are you coming with us?"

"Yes, do you mind?"

Jade and I had gotten more distant since the time at the gym. I wondered why she even wanted to come, but I was glad she did. When we were in the car and on out way I asked her where she been lately. But I knew I was the one that hadn't been home much.

"Just around." She said.

"What's wrong Jade? You okay?"

"I'm fine."

Dad said she won't be fine if she doesn't bring her grades up so she can go to college, "You need to get serious baby girl."

"Don't worry I'll be okay."

"Okay isn't good enough these days," Dad said trying to look back at Jade and drive at the same time. "You need to spend more time with the books instead of the boys."

He always said we'd have plenty time for boys. I knew Jade was beginning to make a name for herself with the guys and it's not a god one. She thought she owned Rosewood High since she was the captain of the cheerleading team. I thought she was spending so much time with guys because of the rumors about me. I decided I'd spend some time with her when I got back.

On the plane, I finally felt as if I could take a moment to reflect on my upcoming wedding and life. I was really excited about seeing Ben, but I had to admit I was equally excited about each moment I'd spent with Maya and the possibility of seeing her when I got back. I really felt she and I could be friends. Although she flirted in subtle ways, I didn't feel any pressure from her. As long as I was in control I knew I could handle Maya. But the minute I let my guard down it could get dangerous.

The plane landed I was getting nervous. I grabbed my carry-on bag and headed to the baggage claim area. I was looking around for Ben. I looked outside and noticed how calm it looked. It was fall and the leaves had already changed colors. I grabbed both my bags and headed for the automatic doors. As soon as I walked out the doors I saw Ben walking towards me. He ran over to me and I jumped into his arms.

"Oh, baby I'm so glad to see you!" He said

"I'm glad to see you too," I responded with equal joy.

"How was your flight?"

"Great honey" I said as I kissed him gently on the lips.

As we drove from the airport Ben pointed out different landmarks and things for me to remember. Virginia was so quite and still. There was no wind or rain just calm. Beautiful fall leaves were everywhere and the tress looked naked and afraid as they embraced the winter.

"So what are the plans for the weekend?" I asked

"Well we're going back to my place to relax for the rest of the evening and decide on a wedding date. Tomorrow I've planned a dinner with my parents. Friday I guess we can go over the plans for the wedding. Saturday is just for us."

It only took us about twenty minutes to get from the airport to his place. As we pulled into the parking lot he asked if I was hungry. I hadn't eaten since that afternoon, but my stomach was in knots and couldn't eat if I wanted I told him I wasn't hungry, and he grabbed my bags from the trunk. Ben led me up a flight of stairs and opened the door to apartment 202. He turned the lights on, and put my bags on the floor. He had a few unlit candles out, and the apartment smelled of fine musk. The hardwood floor shone as if they'd never been stepped on. There wasn't a thing out of place. He had a few books and the latest GQ and Time magazine on the coffee table.

He showed me his office, then motioned me to follow him to a door that was closed. As he opened it a seductive smile crept upon his face.

"Emily honey this is out bedroom."

Ben's bedroom was burgundy and black. He manged to fit a queen-size be in the room nicely. A dresser and mirror sat to the left as you entered the room and there was a full bathroom to the right. There was a picture of me, and one of his family sitting on his nightstand. Next to his phone was an answering machine. He had some nice art on the walls and a small stereo that sat under his TV.

"Ben, you have such a nice place, and I'm so glad to be here."

"Well it's not much but it's mine or shall I say it's soon to be ours," He said "I'm going to take a shower a shower. It's been a long day. Make yourself at home. There is a bottle of Chardonnay on the counter, and the glasses are in the cabinet."

I still had this nervous feeling in my stomach, but now it was a good nervous. I went to the kitchen and opened the wine bottle. I poured myself a glass and walked to the balcony where I sat and sipped my wine. A few minutes later Ben came out the shower with just some silk boxers on. He looked like he just stepped out of an underwear ad. His stomach and chest were so defined it was as If I can count each muscle individually. As he stood in the living room I opened the sliding glass door and stepped inside. I walked to him and told him how good he looked. I'm sure the average women would've been all tingly by the sight of him, not to mention what was inside those boxers. But the only sensation I could stir up in body was fear.

Ben asked me if I was comfortable as I'm sure he saw the stress in my face.

"Yes honey. I'm very comfortable."

He took my hand and led me to the sofa. "Emily I've thought of no one but you since I left you, and I couldn't wait for this moment."

"And what moment is that?" I said coyly

"To be sitting next to the women who will be my wife, my best friend, and my partner for life."

I could think, Will I actually be the one to fulfill those things? Could I be all Ben wanted and needed? Maybe now I should tell him about my past. Does he love me enough to accept it? i wanted so much to tell him who he was marrying. I needed to find a way to start this marriage out with honesty. But how could I? The last right years of my life had been one big secret. Sneaking around lying to my family, not to mention living what some people would consider a sinful life.

I decide my past didn't matter as long as I remained committed to Ben. I looked at him and said "I consider myself extremely blessed to be the women you chose to spend the rest of your life with."

"We are both blessed honey," he said sipping his wine. "Do you have a date in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking about May or June a date next year."

Ben went into the kitchen and returned with a calendar. He turned to the back and said "Here choose a date."

I looked at the calendar and said "What about June twenty-second?"

"Sounds good to me," He said "I'm glad that's settled."

I was beginning to feel uneasy again. I hadn't been with a man for at least six years and the thought made me extremely uncomfortable. But I also knew it was a part of the process I loved Ben but not as I should, not as I was leading him to believe. But all I hoped the love that I do have for him will be enough to get me through this night and the rest of my life. I walked into the bedroom, started the shower and got in.

I'm sure it was going on twenty minutes and I was still in the shower. I heard Ben yell out to me "Are you okay in there?"

"I'm fine. I'm coming out now."

"You should be good and clean by now. I thought I was going to have to send a rescue team in after you." He laughed

I came out the shower with my robe on. I planned to put something one, but I noticed Ben had set the mood. He had candles burning and Luther Vandross playing softly in the background. He stood standing by the edge of the bed facing me. He walked over to where I stood. He opened my robe and began to rub and kiss my body all over. He was so gentle with me, as if he knew how fragile I was. Nothing like what I'd experienced with other men. He actually looked me in my eyes.

I held him in his arms, then held his penis and began to stoke him softly in deliberately. I fantasized about pleasuring him but nothing was happening for me. He took my hand and led me to the bed. I sat down and he fell to his knees and begun kissing my inner thighs. As I lay back on the bed, I still wasn't ready for him, and I was beginning to panic. Then I thought of Maya, and shortly thereafter I felt all warm inside. In the next instant, I found myself doing what I thought was impossible pleasuring my man. We were now moving in sync. Although I didn't have an orgasm, it made me feel good that Ben was satisfied.

As I lay cuddled in his arm, he fell asleep. I could only stare at the ceiling with all kinds of thoughts running through my head. I was feeling a ton of guilt, knowing my arousal came with a thought of a women and not Ben. Something was definitely wrong with me. I closed my eyes and asked what kind of women I was and why this was so difficult. All I wanted to do was the right thing, but my body felt numb, as if I'd received something that wasn't for me. I felt I betrayed my own mind, body and soul.