Finally...the chapter everyone's been waiting for. It's kinda long, but I think you'll enjoy it. WARNING: Not appropriate to read around children or at work.
Gen sat in the passenger seat of Johnny's rover and clasped her hands together in her lap. After nearly two months of no communication the moment felt awkward and tense. Her nerves danced as she thought back on everything that happened to this point. All her bad decision, all her regret surfaced with ferocity.
"You're awful quiet," Johnny observed.
"Yeah." She shrugged. "I guess I am."
The awkward silence returned as she considered her options. Should she tell him about the therapy and the progress she'd made with Doctor Kirkland?
"Chet tells me you've been hanging out with Dwyer a lot lately."
She cringed. Damn Chet and his big mouth. She knew the day she opened the door at Dwyer's and found Chet standing on the other side he'd blab. "Maybe a little. He's been a pretty good friend to me lately."
When her statement met silence she continued. "Look, it all started because I ran into him at physical therapy and he invited me back to watch a Dodger's game."
"I remember when you used to watch Dodger games with me."
Ouch! She flinched at his statement. She remembered those days too…missed them. "Johnny, Bert and I are just friends."
"I know," he glanced as her as they stopped at a traffic light. "I don't like it."
"Nothing happened."
"I still don't like it."
What in the world was she supposed to say to that? If she were looking for a fight, she could throw his dating Christie back in his face, but the last thing she wanted to do was bring up bad memories. "I'm sorry, but you're the one who broke up with me. I was hurt and I needed a friend."
Eyes wide, he glanced at her then back to the road. "For the record I did not break up with you. You broke up with me."
What? "You gave me an ultimatum."
"And you chose your career," he snapped, his tone harsh enough to cause her to jerk back in response.
For a moment she stared at him then let her attention drop to the floor. Maybe it had appeared that way to him. "I didn't exactly choose my career and I'm sorry if it appeared that way." She turned to look out the window. If she had any hope in making things right with him, she needed to admit to her mistakes. "Our last conversation made it sound as if you were kicking me to the curb, so I didn't call. I'm sorry if I misunderstood."
The awkward silence returned and Gen struggled to blink back threatening tears. This wasn't at all how she'd wanted this night to go. "I started seeing a therapist," she offered, hoping to turn the conversation more positive.
The light turned green and John made a left. "What kind of therapist?"
"A shrink, as you call it," she replied.
"Oh yeah?" The curiosity laced in his tone had her sliding a sideways look at him. His expression appeared to match his tone. "When did that happen?"
She turned to look at him completely. "The day you broke up with me."
Her statement had him casting a quick glance at her, then back to the road. "Sweetheart, you broke up with me."
"You gave me the ultimatum," she replied. Hadn't they just covered this ground?
"True and maybe I was wrong for doing that," he apologized.
"Maybe you were," she replied. "I guess at this point it doesn't really matter much who was wrong. All I know is that I was heartbroken after I hung up with you, but also I knew everything that happened was my fault and the only chance I had at getting you back would be if I did what you said."
His brow knit as he stared out the windshield. "What did I say?"
"That I needed to get my head on straight."
"Oh, that."
"Yeah, that," she replied.
"So how's it been going?"
"Good actually," she shifted so her body faced him. "I've been seeing Doctor Kirkland once a week for two months. She's given me some tools to help me focus when my thoughts start spinning out of control."
"That's real good."
"Yeah, it is. I mean I'm far from being better, but at least I'm making progress." Gen nodded. "Though I did realize something before I ever stepped foot in her office."
"What's that?" Johnny pulled into the parking lot of her apartment building, eased his vehicle into an empty slot and put it in park.
"That the reality of not having you in my life is so worse than anything I could possibly face in my career." She met his gaze. "What I didn't realize until it was too late, was that as long as I had you, I could handle anything work threw at me, but without you…" She shook her head. "Everything else means nothing."
He turned off the engine, shifted on his hip to face her. For a moment silence fell between them before he finally spoke. "This has been the hardest two months of my life and I'm sorry I ever said those horrible words to you."
Tears pricked at her eyes as sucked in a quick breath. "I miss you, Johnny."
Slowly, he leaned toward her, slid a hand behind her head. Eyes wide, she mimicked his movement, meeting him half way. With their lips mere millimeters apart he paused and appeared to study her. "I've missed you too," he whispered, then brushed his lips over hers.
In an instant the tension she carried flowed out of her and she relaxed against his touch. He brushed his lips against hers a second time, the licked a trail along the seam, asking permission for more. She parted her lips, granting him the permission he sought. Immediately, he took the kiss deeper. She was sure if they'd been standing her knees would have buckled. God the man could kiss.
When he finally pulled back, Gen opened her eyes and gave him a small smile. "I missed that too," she whispered.
He gave her one of his infamous grins. "Me too."
She glanced toward the front of her building, then back. This was it. This was decision that would change her life forever. "Come inside with me?" she asked without hesitation.
He mimicked her movement, turning to look at the building, then back to her, then his expression slowly turned serious. "For a night cap?"
She shook her head. "For the night."
His brow winged up in surprise. "Are you sure?"
"I've never been more sure about anything in my life," she replied.
After a moment he nodded, removed the keys from the ignition and opened the door. Quickly, he made his way around to the passenger side, opened the door for her and helped her out. Heat flared between them as he pulled her against him and Gen could feel her heart speed up.
He stared down at her, love and apprehension radiating from him. "Before we go any farther I need for you to understand something."
"What's that?"
"There's no going back from here, Genevieve. If we do this, it changes everything and we can never go back to how things were."
She placed a hand on his chest, felt his heart pounding beneath her palm and took some solace in the fact that he was as nervous as she. "I don't want to go back. There's nothing for me in the past but pain and heartache. You're my future, Johnny and I want to show you just how important you are to me."
Her admission earned her another smile. "Then what are we waiting for?"
The walk across the parking lot, while in reality was extremely short, felt as if it took forever. By the time they made it inside the building her hands shook with nerves. Key in hand, she struggled to get it into the lock. After a moment Johnny's hand covered hers, steadying her. She glanced up at him, noted the reassuring, yet heated look in his eyes. With his guidance she slid the key into the lock.
Her nerves danced as she stepped into the apartment and flipped on the light. She wanted this, wanted him more than she could begin to express. Yet she couldn't bring herself to make the first move. She dropped her clutch on the end table next to the couch. "Um…do you want a drink?"
Heat infused her back a moment before she felt Johnny's lips against her neck. "No drink. No food. I just want you," he whispered as he nibbled along her ear. She leaned back against him and closed her eyes. "I've waited three and a half long years for this moment, sweetheart. I don't want to wait another second."
A shiver rippled through her. Could she even begin to express how much she truly missed him? She felt the pull on her dress a moment before the sound of a zipper moving filled the air. "Did I happen to mention how absolutely stunning you are tonight?"
"No," she practically choked on the word.
"Well you were. God, honey, the moment you walked through the door with Chet and Marco…" the end of this sentence morphed into a low growl. Holy crap, did Johnny really just growl. The feral sound had her body heating with anticipation. This was really going to happen.
Yes! She wanted his hands on her, to feel his skin against hers. She wanted to drive him wild with what she wore beneath the dress. His hands glided over her shoulders, traveled down her arms, taking the dress with it until, completely slack, it fell to a pool around her feet. In that moment it occurred to her she was more than a little out of practice in this area. The last time she'd gone to bed with anyone had been well before she joined the fire department. She stiffened slightly as the pounding of her heart took on a new meaning. What if she sucked at this?
"Hey, relax." He whispered as he trailed soft kisses down her neck and along her shoulder.
"Sorry, but I'm a little nervous."
"Why?" he asked, almost conversationally. "You know me. You said yourself you want me. So what's the problem?"
"I'm a little out of practice," she replied and felt the heat of embarrassment rise into her cheeks. "I may have to rely on your experience to guide me."
He chuckled as he continued to nibble at the nape of her neck. "Well, my experience may not be quite as vast as you think, but somehow I think we'll manage."
Her brow winged up in surprise at his admission. So he hadn't slept with as many women as she thought? She took satisfaction in that knowledge. If nothing else it was less women for him to compare her against.
Slowly he worked his way across her shoulder, then took a moment to linger over her surgery scar, pressed his lips to it. "Right here," he murmured.
"What?" she asked, almost without thinking.
"Your love." He brushed his lips across it again. "The symbol of your love is represented right here in this pink line."
His words touched her heart, easing her anxiety just a little. If he only knew just how much she truly loved him.
Almost nonchalantly he worked his way around to face her. "I could get a tattoo with your name or something that symbolizes our love, but it wouldn't be the same. It wouldn't be as meaningful or pure and from the heart as that single pink line."
She lifted her gaze now, meeting his stare. Tears welled, blurring her vision. "I love you, John Gage."
For a brief second his cockeyed grin returned, then was gone nearly as fast. "I love you, Genevieve Conti. More than I think I'll ever be able to express." Her heart swelled with his admission. Then the love in his eyes took on a heated quality as his gaze slid over her and she noted his hard swallow. "Dear God, matching black lace and garters. Infinitely better than any of my dreams."
Now it was her turn to give him a wry grin. "If I remember correctly, you've already seen me naked."
"True," he replied. "And if I remember correctly, I told you I couldn't enjoy the view because you were injured."
She lifted a shaky hand to his cheek and was delighted when he turned is face toward her palm. "I'm not injured now."
"No, baby. You're not."
Watching him, she reached down and unhooked her bra. His dark eyes widen in awe as she shrugged out of the lace, let it fall off her shoulders. "No more barriers," she whispered and felt her skin heat when he reached for her.
"No more barriers," he replied, then took her mouth is a scorching kiss that lit her insides on fire. He pulled her against him, the polyester of his dress shirt abraded her sensitive skin. Suddenly, his hands were everywhere at once as he ravaged her. Her mind reeled even as her body submitted.
In her mind she'd pictured this moment as a sweet, tender exchange of love, so she certainly wasn't quite prepared for this mindless lust quickly spinning out of control. Yet, in a way, this was better, so much better than what she'd expected. The need burning inside her, so primal in its base, never existed before Johnny. Of course why should making love be any different than how they did anything else? They worked hard, fought hard, so why shouldn't they play hard too?
Dressed in only her heels, garters and panties, she clung to him, as his mouth ravaged hers, and his hands explored her body. "I want you so much, sweetheart." Johnny gasped through ragged breath.
"I'm yours. I've always been yours," she replied as she shoved at his shirt, pushing it up.
Without unbuttoning it, Johnny dragged it over his head and tossed it to the floor. The moment her fingers brushed along his waistband Johnny swore he might just go insane from the anticipation. Her scent was everywhere. That sweet aroma of cherry blossoms that hooked him damn near from day one. It still amazed him how she could be so delicate and fragile, so girly in some ways, yet so much like one of the guys in others. Right now, he was immensely enjoying the girly side.
Slowly, he moved with her toward the bedroom and found it just as he expected. Delicately covered in lacy textures and soft shades of cream and blues. As if the universe somehow knew and prepared for this night, the moon cast its luminescent glow through the lace covered window, the beams landing directly on the bed. He wanted to see her bathed in those gentle beams as she came calling his name.
By the time her legs hit the edge of the bed, she'd managed to get his trousers both unbuttoned and unzipped. Lord have mercy, what he wouldn't do to have those incredible hands all over him, but right now he needed to show her just how much she meant to him.
Slowly. Gently. He eased her back onto the bed, her red tresses spreading out over the comforter like a river of fire. He went down next to her, taking his time as he feasted first on the long line of her throat, then her delicate collar bone, then lower. She arched up as throaty moans tumbled from her. Holy hell, she was making it so difficult for him to maintain control. "Johnny please." Her plea pierced something deep inside him, and threatened to release the beast within.
He slid down, tucked his hands beneath her hips and gently lifted them. Her quick intake of breath had him looking up to find her watching him, desire claiming her features. Damn if that wasn't so freaking sexy. Watching her watch him, he leaned forward, pressed a kiss on her belly and felt her muscles quiver beneath his lips. Slowly, he curled his fingers around the lace and pulled them down her trembling legs.
Without a word he pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee, felt her shudder. Then another a little higher and felt her stiffen. She reacted so beautifully, so sensually. Taking his time he worked his way to the V between her legs. Above him she panted and arched, her muscles flexing with anticipation of his next movement. He nipped lightly at her upper thigh and was rewarded with a moan that went straight to his groin. If this continued, she most certainly would be the death of him.
With mouth and fingers he centered on her core, and reveled in sound of her moans turning into quick gasping, cries. Joy filled him when he found her slick and ready. He'd done that. The knowledge that he'd stirred such a need in her fed his ego. He brushed his palm over the heat and watched her rise up, her eyes going wide in shock. More! He needed more from her. He shifted and in one smooth movement breeched her entrance, driving two fingers deep inside. She cried out. Her hands fisting the comforter. "Oh God, oh God!"
"That's it, Genevieve. Just let go," he urged as he worked her, pushing her higher and higher. "Give it to me," he nearly begged now. God she was so close. He had to see that glorious moment when she finally relinquished all control. She panted and writhed, gasped and moaned as he worked her hard. When she finally broke apart, his name tumbled from her lips on a sob. For the first time in his life he witnessed pure beauty and knew that once would never be enough. Hell a life time with her would never be enough to satisfy the hunger now raging inside him. Even as she came down, she reached for him. "I want—" she gasped.
"So do I," he replied as he shifted himself over her, then crushed his mouth to hers, swallowing her scream as he finally made them one. She arched up, her hands scrambling for purchase, her fingernails scraping along his back. For several long seconds he remained still, as he enjoyed the feel of being gloved inside her glorious heat, reveled in it. For this first time in his memory everything in his world seemed right, seemed perfect. Still, as he gloried in the moment his need grew. Before long he began to move and quickly established a rhythm, filling the room with the melodious sounds of sex.
Bathed in the moonlight, he watched her as she struggled against her impending orgasm. The way her body glistened in sweat from their lovemaking. The way she arched into him with every thrust. The way her expression changed as he continued to push her toward her next climax. In that moment she was raw and open to him, vulnerable in ways neither would have ever imagined. Still it wasn't enough as he pushed her, demanding more, demanding everything. He'd waited so long for this moment, dreamed of it. Need drove him as he forced higher still. Never in all his life had he experienced such a deep, raw, and powerful desire. Then she lifted a hand to his cheek, stared into his eyes. "Johnny." This time his name wasn't a cry to the heavens or even a plea, but a pledge born from love and spoke with wonder, as if she couldn't quite believe the moment was real.
The awe in her voice and love in her eyes, combined with the sheer beauty of the moment and damn near broke him. Lord help him, but he was about to give her the one thing he swore he'd never share. He'd already given her not just his heart, but his love, and as together they drove toward the mountain's summit, he knew in that glorious moment of release he'd give her his very soul. As they crested the peek and tumbled together into the swirling abyss, he knew from this moment on, there would never be another.