In the year 850 or whatever, things increasingly sucked for our 'wonderful' and 'heroic' protagonist. (Idk why we keep going over this. Come on man! Y'all should know the backstory by now, right? Why has anime gotta be like this, constantly going over the story even though we've heard it 40 million times beforehand...)

They kinda sucked at killing Titans, and sucked even more at being friends with others. Not that Chara was interested in that, but still, perhaps it would make this fanfic even slightly more tolerable if there was actual character interaction. And friendship. Who knows, even romance might happen!

Anyway, so some stupid stuff happened, as you know, and Eren died. Everyone was celebrating, but suddenly, he returned… as a Titan!

Wow, no one saw that coming! It's not as if he's a really important character or anything!

Chara, meanwhile, was questioning how much the world really hated them.

"Chara!" Eren the Titan bellowed. "Marry me!"

Chara flipped him off. They were immediately arrested by the censor board.

Meanwhile, Eren the Titan collapsed, turning back into Eren the human. The 'Eren is finally gone' party scrambled away angrily, all yelling curse words and insults that caused the censor board to commit suicide.

"You guys really hate me this much…?" Eren asked, staring at the remains of the party. He cried tears of joy. "I always wanted to be popular!"

"GO TO SLEEP EREN!" someone screamed. And then they slapped Eren until he fell asleep. And then the party continued. And then there was a linebreak.

...

Chara frowned. Prison sucked. It still existed even though the entire censor board had just committed suicide. Chara was so hopelessly bored they were beginning to count the atoms in the walls. Which is physically possible. Deal with it.

Oh well. It was either this or deal with that imbecile, Eren.

Anyway, Chara had just reached the number 95835783570830855758738578357385 when the wall burst open. Chara looked up, and saw Mikasa standing there, holding out her sword.

"What is the meaning of this?" Chara demanded.

"Um, I'm saving you?" Mikasa asked, tilting her head. "Unless you'd rather stay here and keep counting atoms."

"I'll go, as long as I am not bothered by that fool Eren," Chara said. They made a face. "Also, how did you know I was counting atoms?"

"It says so on the first line below the linebreak." Mikasa replied.

"I see," Chara sighed. "Anyway, do tell me. Where is that idiot Eren?"

"In a coma," Mikasa said. "Some random unidentified person slapped him to sleep."

"That person is my hero," Chara said. "Any other news?"

"Yep," Mikasa said. "Titans are trying to kill us."

"I knew that." Chara rolled their eyes. "Anything else?"

"Um…" Mikasa looked thoughtful. "You should probably keep killing Titans so you don't have to reset."

"Wonderful," Chara facepalmed into the ground. "Nothing has changed."

"Welcome to Hell!" Mikasa grinned.

Chara laughed. "This is not Hell. Hell would be far more pleasant."

"Hey guys!" Suddenly, Armin appeared out of nowhere! Wow! "I've got a great idea! Let's use Titan Eren to kill all the Titans! Since he's part of our team, he should be allowed to do that! And he may die in the process, which I'm sure the rules will accept because no one likes him anyway!"

"Very intelligent idea…" Chara mused. "I must say I like your way of thinking, Armin."

"Really?" Armin asked.

"No, you're dead to me," Chara scowled. "But you are better than Eren. Though that's not really a compliment since even that old boot over there is better than Eren."

The old boot (somehow) smiled in appreciation.

"Actually," Chara made a face. "That old boot is by far better than anyone in this stupid fanfiction. It doesn't annoy me to tears."

"Hey." Mikasa folded her arms. "I saved your life."

"I hate my life!" Chara screamed.

"Don't scream!" Mikasa covered her ears. "I've already got a migraine from Armin's hentai rants!"

Armin turned so red every beetroot in existence was fired. Chara kind of just stared at him.

"... well…" they said. "The tension in here is so thicc the Kardashians are jealous."

"Let's stop comparing things," Mikasa sighed. "It's about time you started killing Titans again."

Chara frowned. "Because that's exactly what I wanted to continue."

It's time FOR A LINEBREAAKKKK

...

Eren the Titan was fighting other Titans. He was winning but also losing.

"I hate that idiot." Chara growled. They were eating chocolate covered popcorn. No idea where they got it from. Don't ask.

"He's doing a lot of work for you," Mikasa pointed out.

"Why are you defending him?" Chara asked. "You should know the theme of this stupid fanfiction is that nobody likes Eren."

"... well…" Mikasa blushed. "The thing is…"

"What?" Chara asked. "Spit it out, girl!"

"Um, we'd better kill some Titans!" Mikasa ran off.

"Hey!" Chara called out. They rolled their eyes. "Stupid humans."

"The thing is, Chara…" Armin grabbed their shoulder. "A long time ago…. Eren gave Mikasa a jar of Nutella… and then they made out in a really R rated scene despite being minors."

"Okay?!" Chara asked.

"And now," Armin said. "Everything is going to explode for no reason."

And the whole freaking universe exploded for no reason.