A/N: This chapter is a bit of an experiment in road trip dialogue. Have fun!

Disclaimer: Queen songs belong to Queen, Loki belongs to Marvel, and my characters belong to me. Just saying.

"Please tell me where I'm driving. This whole 'journey into mystery' thing is getting old."

"You refused to inform me of our earlier destination; it's only fair that I do the same."

"Since when has fairness ever been a factor for you?"

"Ouch, Nell. I think you've bruised my ego."

"Maybe I should insult you more often to put us on a level playing field. That seems, ah, fair, to me."

"That was very self deprecating of you."

"I play to my strengths."

I see a little silhouetto of a man-oh

Skara moosh skara moosh

Will you do the fandango?

"Shit. Crap. Shit. I forgot to leave a note for Marie. Again. This shouldn't take all afternoon, right?"

"It may. It may not."

"Ballsack. Would it kill you to give me a straight answer?"

"No, but giving you cryptic ones is so much more entertaining. For me, at least."

"And that's what's really important here. Your entertainment. Look, we've been driving for over a half hour. I can guess where we're headed. Will you confirm or deny that Washington is our final destination?"

"…Confirm…"

"Unless you have magic, traffic banishing skills, we definitely won't be back before rush hour. Good Christ, Marie is going to be pissed."

Doo bee doo doo doo doooo…

Doo bee doo doo doo doooo…

"That's probably her now. Sit there and be quiet. I'd prefer Marie not scold me for my actions just yet."

"I like it when you get forceful and insistent, Miss Keavy."

"Just shut up. Hey, Marie!"

"Nell! Did you find my note this morning? I'm checking MegaBus fares to New York and comparing them with the costs of shipping a large item. Did you know it'd be cheaper for both of us to go there and back than it would be to ship a, um, large garment? You still have some vacation time, right? The twins have room at their place this weekend…"

"Dude, slow down. Yes, I found the note. Don't buy us MegaBus tickets. And my vacation time is precious; I won't use it to go on a wild goose chase all over Manhattan. Also, the last time I saw the twins, they tried the bait-and-switch in order to compare notes. There's no way I'm sleeping anywhere close to them."

"They weren't that bad. And they are still adorable. Why don't you want to go to New York? I thought you wanted to find Mister I-Wear-Impressive-Outerwear-Loki?"

"It's just, um…he's probably still in Baltimore. I think I have an idea as to where he might be."

"Nell. Do. Not…I don't want this to turn into a 'Barry McBride' situation. It wouldn't end well."

"And who would be the 'Barry McBride'?"

"…It could be a mutual thing…but whoever starts the creepy stalking first, they're the 'Barry McBride.' Right now, though, I'm leaning more towards you."

"You were the one who dated him!"

"Only until I realized he was a creeper!"

"Loki's not that kind of a creeper! And do not call me the 'Barry McBride!'"

"…How do you know he's not that kind of creeper?"

"…What I meant to say –"

"Nell, did you go looking for him?"

"…Maybe."

"Did you find him?"

"Um…yes?"

"ELEANOR BITCH-FACED-LIAR KEAVY! WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?!"

"WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU. I'M DRIVING THROUGH A TUNNEL. A DEAD ZONE. I'LL CALL YOU BACK!"

"DON'T YOU DARE HANG UP ON ME, NELL KEAVY–"

"Bye, Marie...That went well, I think."

"Oh, indeed. Marie sounds, ah, quite fearsome."

"She's just jealous that I'm having an adventure without her."

"So this is an adventure, now? Not a 'Barry McBride' situation?"

"You aren't allowed to make that reference. You don't know the context."

"I'll do what I want."

"Just drop it."

"Fine."

"Fine."

The show must go o-o-on

On with the, on with the

Shooooowwwww

"This may be a random question, but…do you ever call the coat anything other than 'coat'?"

"No. It's a cloak. I call it 'my cloak.' Or sometimes 'the cloak.' We don't talk much beyond whatever business is at hand."

"Oh."

"Why? It's not a pet. It's my partner. I've never seen it object. It's never expressed any desire to be called anything different."

"It's got a personality. A certain panache. I just thought it might have a name and you aren't telling me because you don't want us to be friends."

"That's the most childish reason for withholding information I've heard today."

"Um, what about, 'I'll do what I want?'"

"That's something I said, not something I heard."

"Poh-tay-toh, poh-tah-toh."

"What does that even mean?"

"It's the same thing, pronounced two different ways. Means your argument is invalid. Maybe I'll start calling it, 'Steve.'"

"Don't you dare."

"I'll do what I want."

You're my sunshine

And I want you to know

That my feelings are true

I really looooove youuuu…

"Another question."

"I don't suppose I can stop you from asking it."

"You've never been in my house before today, right?"

"I, personally, have not entered your narrow excuse for a dwelling before today."

"You, 'personally?'"

"Yes. My personal body had never been inside your house."

"Have you ever been in it, um, not bodily?"

"…There may have been a brief encounter between you and my double…"

"YOUR DOUBLE?!"

"Yes, yes. Basic magic, for me. Calm yourself. Nothing untoward happened. I am beginning to worry for the safety of other travelers."

"Why was your DOUBLE in my house? With me?"

"I was trying to locate my cloak. Now I'm beginning to worry for you. Do remember to breathe."

"I thought you couldn't locate it because of its invisibility, uh, stuff."

"You eavesdropped. Naughty. The coat remains invisible, even to me. The suspected thief, however, would be easier to track."

"You were the one who left me that creepy mirror message."

"Oh, Nell. Don't be so aggrieved. It was just a bit of mischief."

"It's stalker behavior. It's creepy."

"Ah, but is it, um, the 'Barry McBride' level of behavior?"

"If you ever do something like it again, you will be so far beyond Barry McBride. Also, what did I tell you about making that reference?"

"I believe you can recall my answer. Though I would be happy to reiterate."

"I'll just bet you would."

"What was that?"

"Nothing. Just. Stop distracting me."

It's the terror of knowing what this world is about

Watching some good friends

Screaming, "Let me out!"

"Take this exit west."

"Just say, 'left' or 'right.'"

"Left, then. Take the ramp."

"I probably should've mentioned this before, but I loathe driving in Washington. Mass transit is so much easier than dodging pot holes and jay-walking pedestrians. And not nearly as difficult."

"We are doing this my way. I prefer driving."

"You aren't driving."

"Allow me to rephrase: I prefer to be driven. You never know who you will run into on those large transports. And do recall my 'thing' with personal space."

"You are such a petulant child right now."

"Make the next left."

"I'm going to have so much fun finding a parking spot."

"Left, again. Then take the second right."

"This is the Mall..."

"How very observant of you. Turn right here. Park as soon as it is convenient."

"Then be helpful and keep your eyes peeled."

"That sounds most unpleasant. But look there! That space would accommodate this small vehicle quite nicely."

"Sometimes, I think you choose to be ignorant of certain colloquialisms."

"Maybe I just like hearing you explain them."

"Whatever. We're here? I thought we were returning something."

"Oh, we are. In the West Building. But I will need my cloak back before we can do so."

"Steve stays with me."

"For the love of—please, please do not call my cloak 'Steve.'"

"I do what I want."

A/N, part 2: Just to clarify, Nell's ringtone is the delightfully haunting alien melody featured in Close Encounters of the Third Kind. Thanks for reading!