Konan nervously drummed her fingers on her desk. Sasori and Deidara hadn't shown up for class yet, and she had a feeling that this was the Akasuna's fault. The door to the classroom swung wide open, revealing her worst fears.

"Mr. Akasuna, I see you've finally decided to grace us with your presence," the teacher said, unable to hide all his fear. "Mind telling me why you're carrying Iwa?" Sasori had a bored look on his face with Deidara swung over his shoulder.

"Deidara's legs gave out on him, so I decided to help him to class," Sasori stated nonchalantly, walking to Deidara's desk. He roughly dropped the blonde in his seat, earning a cry of pain and a death glare from Deidara before he sat down.

As soon as the teacher turned around, Konan leaned in to talk to Deidara. "Where the hell were you?!"

"Danna dragged me into the closet, un."

Konan's eyes widened in surprise. "That's the third time today!"

"I know; I was there, un." Deidara winced as he shifted in his seat. "Dammit, danna's trying to wear me out, un. My throat hurts too, un."

"Deidara, just let him have his smokes back."

"NEVER!"

"Iwa, is there something you wish to share with the class?"

"No, un," Deidara answered, sinking down in his seat.

--

"Well well, it looks like someone's in a bit of pain." Deidara groaned as he felt Itachi's arms around his waist. "You know, if I was your boyfriend, I'd be a lot gentler."

"Back off, weasel."

Deidara rolled his eyes as he felt Itachi get ripped away from him. He turned around just in time to watch Sasori repeatedly pound the weasel's head against a locker, speaking and punctuating each word with another hit. "If I've said it once, I've said it a thousand times; Deidara is mine." He allowed the dazed Uchiha to take a few steps forward before shoving him roughly down the hall, then down a flight of steps.

"Thanks, danna."

Sasori scooped up the blonde and wordlessly slung him over his shoulder like a sack of rocks. "Don't think I did this out of the goodness of my heart, brat." He walked into the janitor's closet, locking the door behind him.

--

"And the damn weasel won't leave him alone, despite numerous beatings and threats!" Sasori complained, flopping down on the ground of the city dump and sighing.

Kisame shook his head as he continued to tinker with Sasori's motorcycle. "Itachi, huh?" he smiled. "Sounds like you don't like the competition, Sasori."

"What competition?" Sasori said, hmmphing angrily. "Deidara's mine; end of story."

Kisame shook his head and sighed. "What?" Sasori asked.

"You're upset because the blonde won't cave into your needs, and the weasel doesn't want to back down. You're so used to getting whatever you want, this really isn't surprising. And you're taking out all your frustration out on Deidara's ass."

"The brat can take it."

"For how long?" Kisame turned to look at Sasori. "He won't stay if you keep acting like that, you know."

Sasori merely rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

--

"Deidara…." The blonde groaned and slowly opened his eyes. "Un?"

"Wake up. I want sex."

Deidara's eyes traveled to the digital clock in the kitchen, before opening wide. "Danna, it's 3:47 in the morning, un!"

"So?"

"You couldn't have waited a few hours for me to wake up, un?!"

"Apparently not."

Deidara balled his hands into fists before shooting straight up. "OK, THAT'S IT, UN!" he stormed out of the room and into the kitchen, returning a moment later with a pack of cigs. "Here, bastard!" he hurled then at Sasori's head, stomping down the hall.

"Brat, where are you going?"

"I'm tired, so I'm sleeping in your bed, un!" Deidara turned around, glaring daggers at the red head. "I HOPE YOU SMOKE YOURSELF INTO AN EARLY GRAVE, UN!"

SLAM

Sasori stared at the door, then the cigarettes. He shut his eyes and sighed to himself. "Dammit, the couch hurts my back."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~two weeks later~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Deidara, you can't stay mad at me forever."

"…"

"Seriously, it's annoying."

"…"

"Dammit, say something, brat."

"Go to hell, un."

Sasori sighed and rolled his eyes. Deidara had yet to forgive him, and it was hell on earth for both of them.

The red head turned and began walking away. "Whatever, brat."

Deidara clenched his teeth, wanting desperately to run after the redhead and punch his lights out. "It seems your love life could use a little work."

"Itachi, beat it, un." The last thing Deidara wanted was to put up with the Uchiha; honestly, he had enough to deal with just trying to deal with Sasori-

A light bulb went off in Deidara's head, and he smiled. "Itachi, un?"

"Yes?"

--

Sasori was leaning against his bike, waiting for Deidara. He stood up straight when he saw the blonde walk towards him. "You're late, brat."

"You could have just gone home, un. The only reason I came over here was to tell you I didn't need a ride tonight, un."

"Oh really?" Sasori raised a brow. "Want to explain that?"

Deidara grinned sadistically, spinning on his heels to look at the Akasuna once more. "Yeah. I have a date, un."

--

"AND NOW HE'S GOING OUT WITH THAT DAMN UCHIHA AGAIN!" Sasori dugs his fingers into his hair, pulling at the red locks in frustration.

"I warned you this would happen," Kisame stated bluntly, wiping his oily hands off on a rag.

"Shut up unless you're going to help me," Sasori snapped, growling to himself. "He better not try anything on Dei, or so help me…"

"Sasori, have you considered apologizing?"

The Akasuna snorted. "Don't be ridiculous. Deidara started this whole mess. He's the one-"

"SASORI." The Akasuna turned to look at the shark. Kisame rose to his feet, looking the red head in the eye. "Sasori, I've known you longer than anyone. You know I wouldn't do anything to hurt you, and I want what's best for you. So take my advice; swallow your damn pride and apologize." T

he redhead blinked, thinking, before nodding his head. "All right. But you're gonna help me."

"With pleasure."

--

Deidara and Itachi stood outside the movie theater. Sasori and Kisame watched from a distance, Sasori silently fuming. "Ready?" Kisame asked.

"Yes." Kisame smiled and walked up to the two, waving at Deidara. "Hey, Dei!"

The blonde started at the call, and then smiled when he saw it was only his friend from the dump. "Oh, hey Kisame, un!"

"Dei, can you do me a favor? My car just died, and I need to call a tow truck."

"I don't have a cell phone, un."

"Well can you go and use the theater's phone?"

"Why can't you, un?"

"I gotta stay here and make sure no one steals my car, ok?" Deidara gave him an annoyed look and walked inside the theater.

Phase one complete, the shark turned to Itachi. "Hello."

"Hn."

"Not very chatty, are you?" Kisame leaned in, smiling. "You know, you're pretty cute."

"Back off."

"Sorry, no can do." Kisame rocked back on his heels. "Damn, I was hoping you'd like me back. Well, this makes things more problematic."

"What things?" Itachi asked nervously, making the shark grin.

"Well, I can't allow you to go out with Deidara anymore. So…" Kisame lunged forward and scooped up the Uchiha, slinging him over his shoulder. He turned and quickly walked to his car, throwing the weasel into the back seat and giving Sasori a quick thumbs up before starting the car and driving off.

Deidara walked out of the theater a moment later, after having been told very rudely by the manager that he couldn't use the phone. He looked around the parking lot, trying to find Kisame or Itachi. "Where did they go, un…." Sasori quietly walked up behind the blonde.

"Hey brat."

Deidara nearly jumped out of his skin before turning around to glare at Sasori. "What the hell do you want?!" he hissed.

"I just want to-"

"And where's Itachi?!"

"Deidara, just let me-"

"Oh my god, did you have Kisame kill him, un?!"

"Brat will you please-"

"Dammit, Sasori, you're the most selfish bastard I've ever-"

"I'm sorry."

Deidara blinked and stared, allowing those words to sink in. "Did you just apologize, un?"

"Yes."

Deidara hmmphed and turned away. "And what if I don't feel like accepting your apology, un?"

"I thought you wouldn't. So I brought a peace offering." Deidara watched from his peripheral vision as Sasori pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, extending them to the blonde.

Deidara snatched it away and opened it, frowning. "It's half empty, un."

"You said one a day, right?"

"How do I know you haven't had more, un?"

"Pein and Hidan will vouch for it. And I swear I haven't."

Deidara shot the Akasuna an incredulous look before sighing and handing them back. "Fine, you're forgiven, un. Now can we go home?"

"Ok."

As they walked across the parking lot, a thought crossed Deidara's mind. "Danna, what did you do with Itachi, un?"

"Deidara, the less you know, the less the cops can use against us in court."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~the dump~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I really am sorry about this, but Sasori's like a brother to me. That being said, you'll be here a few days, so let me know if you need anything."

"UNTIE ME!"

Kisame chuckled and shook his head. "Now now, be good or I'll put the gag back on." He smiled as he walked into the living room, leaving the Uchiha tied to a kitchen chair. "Ok, I think a movie's in order. How about Jaws?"

"…"