AN: Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to read and comment on my story. I appreciate you all so much.
As always thank you to Mel and Lisa, my PTB betas and Magan Bagan, my Twilighted beta. You ladies are so awesome on so many levels, you have no idea how much your support means to me.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter Ten
Reservation for Explanations
It had been a crazy twenty-four hours. If anyone had told me my life would take a full one hundred and eighty degree turn this morning, I would have told them to keep dreaming. After I paced the room for hours, by three a.m I had finally walked myself into exhaustion. I crawled into bed and prayed that my dreams wouldn't replay my real life nightmare.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of someone pounding on my bedroom door.
"Bella Cullen, you better get up and open this door before I break it down!" I smiled at the thought of dainty and delicate Alice as she tried to make good on her threat.
Yeah right. Alice had difficulty opening a can of soda!
"Five more minutes, Alice, please!" I groaned as I attempted to sit up and failed.
"Bella, march your cute ass to this door and open it!" I could hear the frustration in her voice.
I bit back a swear as I pushed the covers back and trudged my way over. I opened the door and was immediately enveloped in a warm hug.
"Thank God you're all right! Bella, I wanted to come see you last night, but Jasper was a mess. I told him I was fine, and we should be more worried about you. Even so, you know how men are," Alice mumbled as she held me tighter.
I patted her back before pulling away and tried my best to reassure her. "Alice, I'm fine. Really, don't be worried."
Alice tucked a hair behind my ear and gave me a concerned look. "You don't seem fine. You know you can talk to me, right?"
"Hmm well, I guess I would be even better if I was allowed more sleep." I winked at her and covered my mouth as I yawned. Stretching my arms over my head, I made my way back to the bed and climbed in, pulling the covers over my head. "Hey, wanna join me? The bed is big enough for two."
"Bella, come on, you can't go back to sleep! There are way too many things that need to get done today!" Alice whined.
I shook my head in defiance from under the covers, grabbed the duvet and rolled myself in it as I settled down on my stomach.
"No! Stop it, Alice. Nothing can be more important than sleep right now!" She quickly climbed onto the bed and smacked my ass before she straddled my thighs.
"Come on, Bella," Alice begged as she pulled the duvet back. She slowly slipped her hands into my hair and massaged my scalp. "Please? I have so much to do today. I have the photographer and interviewer from Vanity Fair coming over today."
I wriggled my way free of the covers and pulled my hands out from under me and rested my chin on them. "What does this have to do with me getting my ass out of bed, Alice?"
"I thought Jasper told you everything yesterday." I felt Alice stop massaging my hair.
"Yeah he did, so?"
"So? So that means you have to get out of bed right now because I only have so much time on my hands to get everyone coordinated. Thank God, I had time to get Mom and Rosalie's things together before I came. I would have gotten everything done for you too, but well, we know both know that was going to be hard to do." She quickly jumped off of me and ran into my closet.
"Alice, wait," I called after her as I untangled myself from the sheets. "If the interviewer is coming to interview you then why do all of us have to get organized as well?"
"Bella, must you be so difficult?" I heard the frustrated tone in Alice's voice. "It's because they are doing a ted page spread on me and Jasper, but it will also include short bits on the rest of the family."
"Whoa, wait a minute." I sat up. "Does this mean Edward and I are supposed to be a part of this too?"
"Well of course, silly! Think about it." Alice smirked as she pulled out a few dresses and put them on the bed. "There has been so much talk about you two. This way you have your say but nothing too high profile and specific. Just show the photographer a nice sloppy kiss and all those torrid rumors will be put to rest."
I'm not feeling so well.
I marched into the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face. I frowned as I looked at my reflection in the mirror.
Today was supposed to be about me and Edward clearing things up, not all this. How do I get myself into these messes?
"Alice, I don't think this is a good idea," I called out hesitantly. I heard her drop a couple of things as she marched into the bathroom. I could see the determined look in her eyes.
Oh no! Now you've done it. Angry Pixie can only be bad, never good.
"Isabella Cullen, are you really this selfish? I mean the whole time you were gone, not one phone call. Not even one. I called you and texted you so many times. Not once did you return my calls. When Edward was breaking apart, and having his meltdown, I refused to take sides. In fact, the whole lot of us did our best to tell him that no matter what, we loved you both and would not take sides. Let's not forget that you didn't even call me when you knew that you were coming back to Chicago. Nevertheless, I took the high road and acted neutral. After all of that, you have the nerve to give me grief over one little request?"
I was shocked at Alice's blow up. Part of me wanted to explain about Jacob, and everything that had gone on with Edward. However, it would only lead to more questions that I knew I couldn't answer without talking with Edward first.
"Alice, listen to me. You have every right to be upset with me. I understand. I packed up and left with no explanation or warning. At the time, I thought I was just walking out on Edward. Now I realize that I hurt you all as well. But, so much has gone on with Edward and I recently, and everything is happening so quickly—I just can't begin to explain what's going on in my head. You have to know that I would never want to let you down—not again. I can't take knowing I've disappointed you, but, honestly, Edward and I still have so much we need to talk about. How are we supposed to fake marital bliss during a photo shoot and interview session when we can't be in the same room for more than five minutes without our hurt feelings and emotions getting in the way?
Alice smiled. "I already took care of that. Really Bella, do, you think this is my first interview? I made sure to add an addendum to the interview contract that all of us would have control over what questions we wanted to answer. Bella, you see the whole focus of the article is on me and Jasper. Nevertheless, they wanted a little slice of something extra. So when they asked if the family would want to participate, I couldn't say no. Please Bella, this would mean the world to me and to Jasper." Alice clasped her hands together.
Damn it, she pulled out the Jasper card! She knows I have a hard time saying no to him.
"I dunno, Alice. I have to talk to Edward first, okay? Don't worry, I'm sure after Edward finds out that this is for you and Jasper, there won't be a problem." Before I could brace myself, I was enveloped by her firm arms.
"Thank you, Bella! You have no idea how much this means to me!" I laughed as she scurried out of the bathroom and back into my closet.
I took a deep, anxious breath. It was going to be a long and interesting day. I would most probably have to spend a lot of time with Edward. Frankly, while I was out of practice at hanging out with my husband, I could not forget that there were some very painful truths I needed to confess to him. But I could not deny that I was secretly elated to have some private time with him.
I loved Edward. I still did. I wanted to do what I should have done so long ago but didn't have the inner strength to do it. There was a small, optimistic side of me that hoped that Edward would understand the decision I made with regard to the last four years. If there was even a small bit of understanding, if we could just find the common ground, I was sure I could have it all back.
The remembrance of my marriage, my life and my dreams were so real. It hurt when I realized how much I missed my life with Edward.
It wasn't that the last four years were spent unaware of my need for my husband, but most of them were dominated with anger, confusion, and emotional breakdowns. For the most part, the anger and pain of Edward's betrayal mixed with the loss of my child and the after effects of that were the only things I did remember. If anyone asked me to tell them how the last four were spent, I could honestly answer that it was in a constant state of a mental fog.
I pressed my hands to my face and tried not to let my thoughts wander. I didn't want to walk down memory lane anymore. There were many moments that were better left unvisited.
Thankfully, Alice decided to pop back into the conversation at just the right moment. "Hey Bella, where is Jacob this morning? Jasper wanted him to meet with our guys so that the security details are all up to date with our itinerary."
My stomach twisted into an uneasy knot at the mention of his name. "Umm…hhe wasn't here when you came in?"
"No, there was security outside the door, but I didn't recognize any of the guys," Alice said as she leafed through the racks of clothes. I leaned back against the vanity table in my bathroom and let out a deep breath.
"We had a fight last night. I suppose we both needed time to cool off," I mumbled.
"Pfft, you and Jacob fight all the time. Still, he would never leave you alone, especially now." I walked out of the bathroom and sat on the bed.
"I don't know Alice, it was a bad one. We fought about a lot of things."
"Ah, so in other words the fight was about Edward?" Alice mused.
I smirked at her comment. "That obvious, huh?"
Alice let out a little giggle and sat on the bed next to me. "Well, the only time you and Jacob have ever fought, without making up right away, was when it was about my brother."
"I guess that's true. We've never agreed on anything when it comes to Edward. Even so, I just don't know this time. It was so intense." I kept my tone as steady as possible; the emotion of the night started to rise within me. Alice leaned in close and gave me a hug.
"Do you want to talk about it? Can I help? If you want to talk about it, you know I'm here, right?" I slowly nodded.
"Alice…" I sighed. As much as I wanted, no needed, Alice, it wouldn't help to involve her. I promised Jasper that I would make everything easy for her. I truly wanted her to be happy. "It's just after all this time-I hate fighting with him. You know me-always worried for no reason."
She gave me a quick squeeze before she hopped off the bed. "Oh Bella, you fight with Jacob all the time. I am sure you guys will make up by the time we go down to brunch."
"I hope you're right, Alice. I hope you're right."
"Well, there's a pretty girl I haven't seen in ages!" I heard a familiar voice behind me as Alice and I, left the suite. I couldn't help but smile as I turned and launched myself into his arms.
"Sam Uley! What are you doing here?" I gave him a hard hug and let him go. Sam chuckled a little and stepped back to look me over.
"Jacob called and said we needed to get Charlie covered, then I was to to fly up here. So here I am!"
The mere mention of Jacob's name made me feel tense. I managed to smile as I spoke to Sam, "So, where is Jacob anyway?"
"Right here, Bells." I heard his voice from behind me, but I didn't bother to turn around. Sam and Alice exchanged a glance before they excused themselves.
"We'll see you both downstairs for brunch, okay?" Alice chirped before being escorted to the elevator by Sam.
We stood there, enveloped by uncomfortable silence. I kept my eyes on the floor in front of me as I turned and started walking slowly toward the elevator. I heard Jacob sigh a few times before I felt him follow me.
"So how long are you going to ignore me?" Jacob asked in an agitated tone. I took a deep breath and turned.
"I'm not ignoring you, Jacob. I'm just mad at you." He furrowed his brow and opened his mouth to say something but didn't follow through. I rolled my eyes and asked, "What? Just say it."
"Bells, baby, I fucked up. After hearing everything you said last night...Bella, I'm really sorry." He reached out and grabbed my wrist to pull me toward him. I jerked my hand out of his grip and crossed my arms in front of me. Shaking my head, I turned my gaze to stare at the floor. Mirroring my pose, he leaned back against the wall, but I could feel his eyes on me the entire time.
The voices of reason and doubt conflicted inside of my head. Nothing he did made sense. I was hurt and upset. There was no reason why I shouldn't tell him he was fired and to go to hell. He lied to me and manipulated me. I couldn't shake the feeling that if he hadn't done what he did maybe things would be different. Another quieter part of me asked the even more difficult question, which was if he could do this, what else was Jacob capable of?
The "what ifs" are going to consume you.
Inhaling deeply, I took a step forward, reaching out and grasping the lapels of his jacket. I rested my head against his chest and felt his arms come up slowly to embrace me. We both let out a collective sigh of relief as he rubbed circles on my back.
I couldn't help it-no matter how mad I was at him, Jacob Black always had a place in my life. I pushed him back after a second and looked up at him. His eyes were wet and shiny, and I saw all the emotions he felt.
"You're my best friend, Jacob. You know that, right?" He nodded "What you did-I just can't even begin to understand. I would never in a hundred years even imagine you could ever do something like that."
I saw a flash of emotion fly across Jacob's face. He just stood there and after a few silent moments, Jacob chose to tell me in his actions as opposed to his words, what he felt. He pulled me close to him again. I wrapped my arms around his waist and rested my cheek against him.
"Jacob, I love you. You know how important you are to me. I could never have gotten through everything if it wasn't for you. But I can't help but wonder if I hadn't come back, if I hadn't asked certain questions, would you have ever told me the truth? I know you meant well, but Jacob, at some point you had to have known what you were doing was wrong."
He held me in a comforting embrace. "Bells, I have no answer right now that will make any kind of sense. I was wrong and that is all that I can say. I really hope we can get past this, because Bella, I can't live without you being a part of my life. I just can't."
The inner part of me wasn't satiated with the cryptic comments Jacob had given me. However, I was already so exhausted, and I knew that I needed all the support I could get in case things with Edward didn't go the way I wanted. So I hid my emotions, and I nodded against him. "It's the same with me, Jacob. It's the same with me."
When we arrived at the private room where Carlisle and Esme held a brunch for all of the out of town guests who had attended the gala the night before, I could sense the air was filled with tension. There were several security personnel as well as some of the Cullen family's associates. I ignored the stares and nodded hello to some familiar faces as I searched for Edward. When I found him, standing in the far corner of the room in deep conversation with Jasper, I felt a slight flutter in my heart. They both held tense stances and were huddled closely together as they spoke in hushed voices.
Even under stress, my husband was magnificent to watch. Edward's face held a serious expression and he shook his head at something Jasper said. I wanted to rush over to him and smooth out the wrinkles that gathered at his brow, kissing his worries away. I still couldn't believe the crazy amount of bad luck surrounding my life.
No, that's a lie. You just cry when you think of the happy times.
I remembered our wedding day, and my vows to give my love to just one man. I remembered as I spoke with my eyes firmly planted on Edward. I remembered his face, his smile, and the gleam in his eyes as he listened to me make my promise to give myself to him forever. I remembered how he mouthed, I love you, after I finished and almost leaned in to kiss me. He was stopped by the pastor who chuckled wholeheartedly and said, "We're not at that part yet, son."
Jacob slipped a hand on the small of my back and ushered me forward as I took a deep breath. I was still upset from last night's confrontation with Uncle Aro and Jacob. I couldn't believe that everyone to whom I had turned in desperation would make my life into one full of lies. They were my home, and now I didn't know if the foundation we had worked so hard to build would ever be strong again. Even if we were to come back together like we had before, I knew it would never be the same.
The knowledge that Edward had tried to fight for me made me feel elated and fearful all at the same time. On one hand I felt validation that he did think I was worth the effort to fight for. It pleased me that I was good enough for him. On the other hand, it made me look at my own reckless actions and the turmoil it was sure to cause Edward, even if he didn't know it yet.
Inside the nervous knots that had grown screamed the one question that Jacob had so passionately asked. Would Edward forgive me for hiding my pregnancy from him? Or would it be the catalyst for the demise of our marriage?
I just hoped when I finally sat down and told him the truth that he would see my intention was to come home, but the loss of the baby changed everything. I prayed he would be the better man that he had been all this time, and that he would forgive me for my part in his unintentional pain.
I bit my lower lip as I thought of the best way to bring up the subject. No matter what scenario I came up with, it always ended with Edward so upset that he just walked away from me.
Fuck my life. This was going to be so much harder than I thought.
Jacob led me to Esme, Rosalie, and Alice, who were busy chatting at the table.
"Bella. Finally! I was about to come and get you. " Alice jumped up and ran over to me. She took my hands and pulled me next to her. "I've got her from here, Jacob. Bella needs some girl time."
Jacob winked at Alice and gave me a nod before walking over to Sam. I walked with Alice over to Esme and Rosalie. I gave each a kiss before I settled in my chair. Esme passed me a cup of coffee while Rose handed me a basket with croissants.
I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I took a bite of the warm pastry. Esme reached over and patted my hand when I let out a low moan of delight. "Sleep well, Bella?"
Well, let's see, besides the fact that I found my mother's gravestone in my hotel suite and found out my husband isn't a cold-hearted bastard like I thought, everything is just peachy.
"It was as good as it could be, but just a long night, as you know." I shrugged my shoulders. "I guess with everything that's been going on, I managed the best I could."
"I was worried about you last night. I really wished Edward had gone with you, but he explained that Aro needed you as well." Esme did her best to mask the disappointed tone in her voice, but it wasn't hard to deduce what really bothered her. Esme was worried about the distance that Edward and I still kept.
I wanted to reassure her, but honestly, I couldn't. It wasn't that I didn't want to soothe her fears. It was mainly because I didn't know what the future held for either of us.
"How are things with Aro? How is he handling everything?" I took a long sip of my coffee and savored the taste. I didn't want to think about Uncle Aro right now. I knew that even though Jacob started the deception, Uncle Aro had done far more damage. He was my family. I just needed to talk to Edward to see how far the damage went.
"Uncle Aro was also pretty shaken last night, but we were able to calm each other down."
I finished my first cup of coffee and poured another as I glanced over at Edward, who was still in a heated discussion with Jasper. I watched Carlisle, who walked over and put a hand on Edward's shoulder. He turned to look at Carlisle but quickly back to Jasper and shook his head. I couldn't help but be curious about what was causing them such frustration. If I wanted to guess, I would say it had to do with the break-in to my suite.
I spun back and noticed Alice and Rose whispering to one another. As soon as they noticed that I was listening, Alice gave me a quick smile and leaned back so I could listen to their ideas for the photo shoot later on in the afternoon.
It was so nice to finally spend time with them. I didn't realize how much I missed our conversations until we laughed non-stop at Alice's fear of not being photographed in proper lighting.
"Laugh at me all you want! Evil bitches, I'm so serious. This is something to be worried about. This will be the first time Jasper and I will be taking formal pictures together. What if it's a complete disaster?"
"Impossible, Alice, you would look hot photographed under fluorescent light on the third day of your period." Rose giggled.
"I agree with Rose. Alice, if you wore a potato sack it would become baggy chic by five p.m. that same day." I laughed as Esme gave me a wink before she got up to shake hands with one of Carlisle's associates.
"Well, I can't wait for us to start! It's all just so exciting! You know I used to think that you and Edward were crazy to turn down all those interview requests. I still remember how many designers wanted to lend their newest collections for the photo shoots you and Edward did. Thankfully, some really amazing ones have decided to lend some for us to use. Wait. Oh my goodness, do you think if I like them that they'll let me buy them?" Alice covered her mouth with a hopeful expression.
I shuddered at the thought of the whole process. "The idea of changing clothes over and over and over is horrible enough without thinking about the constant picture taking and then the interview questions. I just don't have it in me."
Rose finished her juice and waved the server over for more. "Speaking of interview questions, are you and Edward prepared for the questions they're going to ask today?"
"I don't know what they're asking us yet; I only just found out about everything this morning." I watched as Alice got up and ran to hug Jasper, who was walking toward the table alone. I glanced around and saw Edward at the buffet with Carlisle, still in deep discussion. Emmett and Esme had made their way back over.
"Morning Bella" Jasper leaned in close and kissed my cheek. "How are you doing today?"
I shrugged my shoulders and smiled. "As well as can be expected, I guess; I hope you're doing better?"
He smiled as he leaned in close and kissed Alice deeply. "I'm doing much better."
"Well, I am going to get some breakfast. I'll be right back." I moved my chair back and turned to leave when I came face to face with Edward.
His dreamy green eyes captured my attention right away; I couldn't help but smile. He reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear.
"Morning, love, sleep well?" I blushed as he leaned in to kiss my cheek. As he slipped a hand around my waist for a hug, he pulled me close and whispered, "Are you doing okay?"
"I'm great, Edward," I managed to whisper back before I turned toward the buffet tables. He quickly caught my arm.
"Bella, I hope it's okay that I got you something. I thought you might be hungry."
I turned to see a plate that seemed to have a mountain of food on top of it. My eyes widened a bit, and then I looked up and met his smile.
The sick little fucker! He wants to watch me eat!
"Well, I am kinda hungry, thanks." I took a strawberry from the top and took a huge bite off the end. I watched as Edward's smirk was replaced with a dark hooded gaze. He pulled the chair out for me to sit.
"So, what heated discussion were you having with Jasper and Carlisle earlier?" I grabbed a fork and started poking the pineapple.
"It was nothing, just business. Want some juice?" he said in a rush as he held a glass out for me to take.
I swallowed quickly and shook my head. "No, and please don't change the subject. I know you well enough to know that kind of emotion wasn't as a result of business."
"Are you sure? I mean a lot could have changed these last four years, Bella." His quip and stoic tone caught me off guard. I continued to focus on the fruit in front of me and tried not to read into his remark.
"You're right, Edward, forget I asked." I looked up at his face and gave him a small smile but knew it didn't reach my eyes.
Edward watched me for a moment before he ran a hand through his hair and looked away. When he finally looked back at me, he had stripped away his defenses and gave me a look that spoke volumes.
Something had happened. Something really BIG had happened.
My mind was suddenly flooded with the worst remove images possible. Most were of Charlie dead.
"Oh God Edward, it's Charlie, isn't it?" I shot up out of my chair so fast, it gave Alice and Esme a fright. Edward reached up and quickly grabbed my shoulders. He shook his head and pulled me to him.
"No! Dear God, Bella, no, Charlie is fine." He urged me to sit again. "Bella, I don't know how to tell you this but The Morning Post…well apparently they got a hold of an inside source at the hotel and police department."
I looked at him in confusion for a moment before the thought dawned on me.
Oh no. The media knows about the break in into the suite.
I looked around the table and realized everyone knew. Suddenly, everyone excused themselves from the table and left us both alone to talk.
"Bella, they got some pictures of the suite. I don't know how. Nevertheless, it is obvious the pictures were pulled off of the Chicago PD computers. Someone on the inside got the pictures sent out. We are looking into who could have done it. However, at this point there is no one suspect."
I put my face in my hands and just sat there with Edward as he stroked my hair and neck softly. Even in my panic-stricked state, a slow heat was awoken along the path that his magic fingers took.
"That's not all, Bella." My head shot out of my hands and I looked at him. He hesitated just for a second. "Love, apparently some staffer or gala attendants must have caught some of what was going between us that night...The Post has some quotes from some people that we were fighting."
I quickly swallowed hard. "How bad is it, Edward?"
"It's nothing we haven't endured the last few years but expect there to be a lot more hounding." He ushered one of the servers over and asked them to grab a copy of The Post for him. "Bella, expect there to be some questions today from Alice's interviewer."
"This can't be happening, Edward! I can't do it." I shook my head in disbelief. I hadn't even had a chance to properly talk to Edward, then this damn photo shoot popped up, and now I had to go back under the media microscope. It was official; I was in HELL.
The server came back with the paper. Edward handed him a tip and sat back down as he put the paper in front of me while he slipped his arm around my waist.
The headlines said it all.
Isaward Trouble in Paradise!
While Chicago's elite had gathered for a night of fun auctioning to raise money for Tender Heart Children's Hospital, they were definitely given their money's worth in drama that is sure to keep everyone's interest piqued for the next year's event! The city's most watched darlings were reunited during the charity auction event where a persistent unidentified gentleman was outbidding everyone for a chance at a dance with Isabella Cullen. At the last moment, Edward Cullen arrived to bid a staggering one hundred thousand dollars for a dance with his wife. It was obvious that there was tension between the two gentlemen.
One gala attendee gave us the inside scoop. "It was so heated for a moment! I mean Bella had to have known who he was! There is no way that some stranger would have even had it in him to bid on her if she didn't want him too. I think it was to embarrass Edward!"
Another source also adds, "I was trying to check my voicemail and all of sudden I heard Edward Cullen yelling from the back balcony. He was furious with his wife. Moments later, his brother and some other men rushed to the balcony. I don't know what was happening but from the looks of it Edward Cullen has an anger management issue. His wife is probably leaving him because he is abusing her."
Whatever the case may be, it did not escape anyone's notice that the two did not arrive together and were separate most of the night.
The dramatics for the young couple did not end there. It was reported that Chicago PD was called to the Blackstone late yesterday afternoon after there was a break-in at Isabella Cullen's suite. Apparently, it was an act of vandalism and from the pictures of the damage we can see that there was a gravestone placed in her room after it was trashed. Our sources tell us that it was the headstone belonging to her mother, Renee Swan's grave. The morbid act is obviously meant to send Isabella Cullen a message. While there are no specifics on who is behind this, it is rumored that Isabella Cullen's family ties to the Volturi family are at the reason of it. If you recall, Isabella Cullen lost her mother to a violent car bomb that almost claimed her own life. There are recent rumors the Isabella might be bringing the family together to avenge her mother's death. While this modern day Godfather saga continues to unfold, we will be sure to keep you POSTED.
"I think I'm going to throw up." Edward took the paper from my hands as he pulled me into his arms and held me tight.
"Bella, I know. We'll work through this. I think we can combat it with Alice's interview spread." I pulled back and shook my head.
"Listen to me, love, please. We won't answer anything we don't want to. If we come up with a few really good lines for some of the hard questions, then we'll be able to get them off our backs a bit."
"I have so much I need to talk to you about. We'll never sort this all out before this afternoon, Edward, I can't fake a picture-perfect marriage. I just know I'll screw this up!"
"Bella, this is no different from all the times we did those interviews before we got married, remember? Keeping everything hidden and secret? We can do this. I know we can." I felt myself relax at his calm demeanor. "Plus, we are not the main focus, Alice and Jasper are."
I pulled back and looked into his eyes. Edward had an amazing ability to give me focus and drive when I needed it most. He was always my greatest supporter. He had w hadalked me through every one of my interviews and photo shoots for our wedding event.
Edward gazed into my eyes. "Bella, if you really can't do this, I am not going to push you. If you want, we can tell Alice we are pulling out."
As much as I wanted to use this as an excuse to just go ahead and bail, I couldn't do it to Alice. She was much too important to me to hurt her that way.
"No, Edward we can't let Alice down." He nodded giving me a half smile. "But afterwards, Edward, can we find some time alone to talk? I mean really talk?"
"Of course, Bella." He nodded. He looked at me for a long minute and then asked, "Can I ask what has brought on this sudden urge to talk it all out?"
I looked down at the napkin in front of me and picked at the threads on the end of it. "I kind of had a long and honest conversation with Jacob and Uncle Aro yesterday. I guess a lot of things that I didn't know before were finally explained to me."
I heard him take deep breaths. "Edward, they confessed a lot of things…. Things I didn't know before… It made me realize how stupid I was being."
I looked up at him and watched his expressive eyes suddenly go dark and brooding. He clenched his jaw tight and pressed his lips into a fine thin line. I searched his face for a hint of the softness that had suddenly left.
"Edward?" Without thinking, I reached out to his face when he quickly grabbed my hand. He kissed my fingers fiercely and held on to them tightly.
"Forgive me, Bella, I'm sorry." His eyes slowly softened. "You have to understand when I hear that you are finally ready to talk to me because of something you heard from them-when this was something I begged you for all along…well, it's a little hard to handle."
"I'm sorry, Edward. You're right." I pulled my hand from his grasp and reached for his face. I pulled his face to mine so that our foreheads were touching. "I need you to know that if I could go back and change these last four years, I would. Edward, there is nothing I regret more than not staying and figuring this all out right away."
Well, almost nothing more.
I could feel Edwards's breath on my face as we stayed in our embrace, quiet and contemplative.
"Bella, listen." I pulled back just enough to look into his eyes. "It's not your fault. I know the part I played, but one thing I am sure of is that we'll definitely get past this. I just want us to talk openly and honestly. Ask me whatever you want, and I will answer truthfully. I swear."
"I hope we can get past this, Edward. I'm so afraid that we've run out of chances, you know?" I confessed.
"Never, love, I would never let that happen," he whispered back confidently.
I settled back in his embrace and let out a deep breath. I knew it was in Edward's nature to be optimistic; it was deeply embedded in his soul. Even so, I knew that until Edward knew the whole truth, I could never let myself truly believe that we would be able to go back to the way things were.