Chapter 10- War Zone

Tris pov

At the sight of his name, I break into a huge grin. Discarding the other letter, I flop down on the bed and start to read… (A/N Tobias' letter is in italics like before and Tris' thoughts are just normal)

Dear Tris,

You don't know how much I wish I weren't here right now. These stupid Candor smart mouths are driving me crazy; always asking about me and my past, like I didn't spill my guts out to them not even a week ago. Has it really only been a week since we were last there? It feels like a life time since we were there; me having to relive my memories of Will and Tobias having to dwell on his past and why he left. I can't believe that it hasn't been longer, it feels like forever ago that we were here last. Not that it was a pleasant time, but we were together. I cringe at the memory of us yelling at each other by the elevators. I can't stop remembering that look in his eyes when Tobias found out about what I did. Tears threaten to fall when I think of the night he told me to stop being reckless or we were done, and then just a few night later I almost ran off to Erudite on a suicide mission. ',but at least we were together.' I read again, and now he's just so far away. I miss you so much Tris. I'm bawling now; he doesn't realize that I miss him just as much. I keep wondering what you're doing and who you're with, just little things. I can't stop worrying about you; you're just so far away. I was just thinking the same thing, but I can take care of myself. And I know what you're thinking, 'I can take care of myself, Tobias.', and trust me, I know you can. When I get so worried about you, I just remind myself of how strong you are and I know that you're alright. That one comment on how strong he thinks I am sends me over the edge. I've nearly ripped the page to shreds by holding it so tight; like I'm actually holding on the real Tobias.

How's tattooing going? I still never got a tattoo from you so I guess I'll just have to wait until I get back. I'm thinking of getting two certain numbers added together on the inside of my wrist. You should draw up a design while I'm away. '4+6', that's what he wants, I make a mental note to draw up a design like he asked and send it along with my letter. There are a lot of people here that want to get tattoos. It's weird really, almost like an addiction. When we all get back you're probably going to be so busy at the shop. We could use the business.

Please pass on a hello to everyone there; let them know that I'm alright and no one has attacked. Yet. That one small word sends shivers down my spine; Erudite may not have attacked, but they will soon. Write me back soon and tell me how life is there without me. Life without you is impossible. And remember Tris, I love you. So much. I love you too.

-Tobias

I can barely read his signature because my eyes are too full of tears. In his entire letter he kept talking about how strong he thinks I am, not once did he tell me to keep holding on. He believes in me, even more that I believe in myself. He trusts me to be strong and what have I done? I've stopped eating, barely slept and confined myself to my apartment. This isn't strong. This is weak and pathetic and cowardly; this isn't what Tobias believes I'm capable of. He believes that I'm strong and can handle anything; and right now I need to be, for him.

I wipe my eyes and take a deep breath before grabbing a pen and page from the small desk in the corner…

Dear Tobias,

I feel so bad for you having to be back there. For me, Christina is all the Candor I need around. I haven't seen very much of her recently though, or Caleb for that matter. I saw them a few days ago, walking around the compound hand in hand. I'm so happy to see Christina find love again, even if it is in my brother. It's still slightly strange to see my brother here, and dating Christina of all people.

Tattooing has been going well, we aren't getting a lot of business but yesterday I gave Uriah a tattoo of a needle. I'm not quite sure why he got it, but Tori had explained to me on my first day that anything sharp of dangerous can symbolize pain. I can see that losing Marlene has taken the greatest toll on him that on anyone else.

I can't believe that it's only been a few days since I last saw you; it feels like it's been so much longer. It seems like it's been years since I last talked to you in person, I can't wait for this to all be over and we can be together again. Life here without you is impossible. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry but I need to tell you this. You think I'm this strong person who can handle everything and anything, but I'm not. For these past days that you've been gone, I've been nothing but weak. You make me feel so strong and without you here, I've crumbled. I've barely eaten, hardly slept and I've only left the apartment for work. You don't know how ashamed I am, I let you down when you believed in me; and for that I am so sorry. But then I read your letter, you believe in me so much and I promise that I won't let you down again. I love you more than anything; please remember that. And please remember that I'm going to try harder for you.

-Tris

By the time I'm done writing, I'm in tears. Deep down I feel as if I shouldn't have told him, but I remember what happened with Will and I don't want to keep anything more from Tobias. As quickly as possible, I sketch up a design like Tobias wanted and slip it into the envelope. I'm just about to go out to drop off my letter when I spot the other envelop that came with Tobias' letter. I open it up to see a short, typed message that makes me almost break apart.

'WAR BY ERUDITE HAS BEEN DECLARED ON THE OTHER FOUR FACTIONS'

A/N I didn't think I'd write a chapter this soon but my brother mowed the lawn so the computer was free. Now I will probably not get time to update until exams are done so bye for now. Please keep reviewing and reading, and if you have any suggestions please pm me.