Chapter 10
This Extasie doth unperplex (1)
Emptiness.
And solitude.
Perhaps those are the things I fear most of all.
That would explain the recurring nightmares about becoming a vermiform.
Those thick, dark claws hollowing out my insides.
Making me empty.
And alone.
Edward stood in the middle of the room, looking around himself. What was the point of it all if, when the moment came, everything equalled nothing? He'd tried, so hard, to control his life so that he didn't have to feel all of the things that made him hate himself more and more. Now he'd let them out, set them free and, in all honesty, he didn't even know what was real any more. Was he going insane? Had any of it really happened? Perhaps it was all just a feverish dream, perhaps he was simply trying to apply logic to a situation which defied it. The workings of his heart had never made sense to him, not since he was a young man. He'd never understood exactly why he reached for the things he knew he couldn't touch.
But he did and it never got any easier, seeing it walk away. Edward looked out of the window at the harsh sunlight. It sparkled on the wet tiles of the roofs, the small puddles of water in the street. There were no clouds in the sky, perhaps it had rained during the night. Something had turned the world into a twinkling, glittering paradise.
What exactly am I existing for? Edward wondered as he stared. What can I do? I've done everything and nothing; does that mean that I tried or that I didn't?
"It's not safe for you to leave yet," Edward argued.
"But Ed," Capell said back, tone appeasing, "the others will be suspicious if we delay. Why don't we let things run their course and see what happens? Come on, be fair, I'm just as worried as you are."
"I know, which is why I don't understand why you're being so...so, god, I don't know!"
They were leaving, on schedule. Edward didn't understand why Capell thought for one moment that he didn't have the right to be angry. He was the only one who knew, who believed him. They were alone in this. If Capell left him here, then...he couldn't take being alone again. What was he supposed to do with that?
"We can still figure this out," Capell smiled, "we always do, right?"
"I'm not sure," Edward said hollowly, noting the smile slip off Capell's face, "I don't know any more. Everything's so out of control."
He put his hands on his desk, putting all his weight against those sweaty palms. They couldn't go, they couldn't leave. They didn't understand, he was this close to figuring it out, this close to discovering if there was a need to panic, close to finding out if he truly was mad or if...
"It's going to be okay," Capell reassured him, though not with as much certainty as before.
Yeah, Edward thought bitterly, only you weren't the one having highly inappropriate, very odd dreams last night. He sighed, pushing forwards against the resistant wood, feeling the jerk in his shoulders as he shoved harder. What was he supposed to do? What could he say? Nothing was wrong, that's how everyone saw it. Nothing was wrong so there was no need for concern. Capell placed his hand timidly on Edward's shoulder, feeling the tension beneath the soft, black cotton of his jacket.
"This is all wrong," Edward muttered, hating that it made him feel better when Capell squeezed his shoulder sympathetically, "I...I don't want you to leave."
"I wouldn't mind staying longer," Capell said, "but you know Aya. Come on Ed, it's not like we're never going to see each other again!"
He'd meant it as a joke, Edward knew that, he wasn't stupid. Yet the feelings that it caused; that simple statement might as well have been a hard, indisputable fact. It stabbed at him, hurt him, made him feel as if the blood were rushing from the wounds it had made. He felt angry and faint and he was sick fed up of the mind games and the guessing and the not knowing!
...it's not like we're never going to see each other again!
Didn't he know that's what Edward feared the most? Didn't he understand what it would do to him, if that happened? Edward had grabbed hold of Capell by the shoulders before he really knew what he was doing, pulling him into a tight embrace. Capell had tried to push him away at first, looked scared of him. No, Edward thought, please, don't be that way with me, please.
"Ed you're being paranoid," Capell had said, a laugh in his tone.
"Don't joke," Edward had said seriously into his ear, "it's not funny."
"I wasn't trying to be clever," Capell said wryly, pulling back but not breaking the embrace, "what's wrong Ed? Is there something you're not telling me?"
Such simple questions, with such complicated answers. The things I'm not telling you, Edward had thought, the things I'm never going to tell you. He hated himself for it; such a coward, always running away. Stand up for your feelings, don't back down! Isn't that what Sigmund would have said?
The fact that Capell didn't resist the kiss gave him confidence. In fact he felt Capell's hands gripping his back almost painfully. Capell opened his mouth and Edward took advantage, deepening the kiss. It was so surreal that he wasn't even sure what to make of it. He felt Capell's body pressed against his own, the tightening of the fabric across his back as Capell pulled at him desperately. Just like his dream, just like it. Even the cold air rushing back against his chest as he was pushed away wasn't enough to pull him from the stupor the kiss had caused. He stared at Capell's wide eyes, watching as the younger man touched his mouth with his fingers. Was it in shock or revulsion? Perhaps he'd never know.
Because Capell was travelling back to Fayel right this very moment, with Aya and her retinue. He hadn't said a thing after it had happened, just turned on his heel and left without another word. Not before Edward had managed to make it worse of course. He'd just felt so calm as Capell stood there staring at him in shock, so safe...Edward wasn't even sure why he felt that way. He should have been upset surely, unhappy? But instead there was an insipid feeling of safety and warmth, curling in the pit of his stomach. It had been there before but Edward had never paid it much attention, attributed it to stress or anything he could think of at the time. Didn't stop it being there. So instead of hesitating as he probably would have done, he just looked at Capell and said it.
"All this time...you never knew that I loved you, did you?"
No answer. No tirade about how disgusting he thought Edward was, no awkward laughs while he tried to brush it off as a joke, no telling him how he was getting married and wasn't that proof enough? Capell was gone and he wasn't getting an answer. Everyone was gone now. He was alone again. Perhaps that was best; maybe that's the way it's supposed to be, Ed thought as he stared through the glass at the world outside.
Vic was worried, by Edward's silence, his tight lipped silence, by his staring out into the middle distance, by his unwillingness to take part in their usual banter...everything Edward did worried Vic recently.
"Hey," Vic would appear at Edward's shoulder and hunch over, staring at whatever Ed was writing or reading or looking at, "what are you doing?"
"Nothing interesting," Ed would reply with both frustration and apathy.
"Yeah, looks it too," Vic would say, shrugging, "why don't we both go get something to eat then? Take your mind off things for a while?"
"Too busy, you go ahead," was the usual reply, "I'll catch up."
Vic learned very quickly that Edward never 'caught up' at lunch time, even when directly invited. Everything had gone downhill after Capell had left, everything. Edward had turned into a mute, whenever anyone came to visit they always talked about Capell and Aya and their upcoming marriage which only seemed to make Edward worse for some reason, he didn't seem to eat as well, or sleep as well and Vic knew it was getting bad because other people had started to notice.
"Ed," Vic wasn't going to let it go this time, as he stood adamantly at Edward's shoulder, "tell me what's wrong will you?"
"Nothing's wrong," Edward lied smoothly, tonelessly.
"Liar," Vic said, trying to keep the sadness from his voice.
No response but the pen scratching on the paper. Edward didn't even flinch.
"Did you and Capell have a fight?" Vic asked, noting instantly that Edward's shoulders tensed at the mention of Capell's name; well at least he'd got a reaction, "Why don't you write to him and..."
"Nothing happened," Edward cut in, "have you finished your duties Vic? Why don't you go and get yourself something to eat?"
It was no use, Vic thought, Edward was never going to open up to him. Vic mentally tallied up a list of people close enough to Edward that would be able to talk to him about personal stuff; the list was depressingly short. Eugene was at the top, followed by Aya (who was quickly scrapped considering she was obviously too close to the Capell problem), then there was...well, who else? Michelle? Sure she was a good listener, but Edward would never talk to her properly. Dominica was quite close to Ed but after that big fight about Ed losing his memory he'd never been quite the same with her. So, Vic thought with a sigh as he walked slowly towards the food hall, Eugene it is then.
Night time, the sun is gone. Edward felt the darkness against his skin like a physical thing, like a gentle touch. He hung his head as he stood, windows open wide, lifting it only to stare out into the pitch that covered the city.
His city. Burgusstadt.
God, it still sounded wrong. Would he ever be worthy of the title of 'King'? Probably not. Still, he could think of worse people to do the job...and better people. Admittedly most of those were either dead or comatose, so he couldn't really complain.
What the fuck was he doing here? That was the question he asked himself most often; what the fuck did he think he was doing? A little rich boy like him, focused so hard on proving himself to others, on living his life to become the people that he'd admired the most, loved the most, in the vain hope that they would see him. That they would see him. God, was it so hard? Was it so hard for Capell to see that he loved him? How could he not have seen? How could everyone not have noticed that he was so very much in love..?
Useless, all of it. Even when he'd said it out loud, told Capell how he felt, there was no answer. He would never be given a straight answer. Story of my life, Edward thought. His mother and his father never gave him straight answers. After their deaths he was never given straight answers by his friends, the other villagers, no one. He'd been left alone to look for an answer which he would never find.
I love you, he'd told Capell, do you love me too? Was it such a hard question to answer? Edward didn't think so. Yet for Capell it seemed like something poisonous, something terrible, something unanswerable. Edward was sick fed up of people ignoring him, treating him as something deposable, usable. Sigmund had done it, he hadn't trained him to take over leadership of the Force, he'd trained him to look after Capell. Capell hadn't ever flirted with him or loved him the way Edward had thought he had, he'd simply befriended him while he fell in love with Aya right in front of his face.
"I should get rid of it," Edward whispered to the darkness which poured in to the room, "shouldn't I?"
The darkness simply moved back and forth in front of his eyes. He took that as the best answer he was going to get.
"Yes," he nodded, feeling cold, "I should, I know."
He found the book easily, as usual: An Account of the Heroic Deeds of The Liberator Vol. I. Eugene promised him months ago that he was going to finish volume two, but he'd yet to see the basic transcript. Eugene was such a perfectionist, he'd probably never finish the damn thing. Again the pages fell open at the right page, that same page it always opened at, yet this time...
"Where..?" Edward stared at the book, dumbfounded, "the picture..."
Gone. It was gone. How could that even be possible? No one knew he kept it there, he'd never looked at it in front of anyone before! He rifled through the pages almost desperately, turning the book upside down to shake it. This was...was...inconceivable!
"Fuck," he said weakly, throwing the book onto the nearby desk before sitting down heavily on to his bed.
He didn't even have a trace of him left. Not even the drawing now; it was as if Capell had completely disappeared from his life once again. That thing he had most feared, come true. Gone.
Edward didn't even have the energy left to be sad. It was as if everything had been leeched straight from him and there was nothing left. He was simply empty, like he had been before Capell had shown up so unexpectedly. Yet at least before he'd shown himself Edward had always been left with the fantasy of requited love, of that one beautiful moment in time where he'd been at least happy if not safe. Now he had neither that nor Capell.
"Wow," Ed said in a muffled voice as he placed his hands over his face, "my life is truly, unbelievably pathetic."
Yet despite the darkness and the chill in the night air, Edward still felt a remnant of that feeling he'd had earlier, when talking to Capell, the one which had calmed his enough to allow hm to blurt out his feelings. It was deep, glowing within him, a sense of heat, of warmth, of safety. He'd been feeling it ever since his dream, ever since he'd had his first hallucination of Capell and that terrible light had surrounded him, enveloped him. Then after his more, well, inappropriate dream the feeling had only heightened. It coiled in his stomach and stubbornly refused to allow Edward to become too melancholy. It made him think that if he only kept busy then everything would work out in the end, he only needed to keep focused, keep working, distract himself. Then he remembered. He'd meant to have that book in the library properly translated, Ed thought, but it seemed somehow arbitrary now, somehow insignificant. Yet he should do it anyway, tie up loose ends, no need to hold on to anything that reminded him of Capell. He'd do it tomorrow.
Yes, tomorrow.
"Edward, how have you been?" Eugene asked brightly as he breezed into Ed's office without knocking.
Edward would have looked up in surprise, if he had been surprised at all. Which he most certainly wasn't.
"I take it Vic sent for you," Edward said humourlessly, "because I certainly didn't."
"Well, I've had worse welcomes," Eugene said wryly, his smile vanishing, "what side of the bed did you get out of this morning?"
"I think I might not have gotten out at all," Edward muttered, rubbing at his tired eyes and putting down the paperwork he was working on, finally looking at Eugene, "what is it you want?"
Eugene stared at him for another moment, his gaze both assessing and disconcerting. Edward felt the need to squirm under his stare but resisted, opting instead for a baleful glare as a reply. Eugene shook his head, sighed and took a seat near the doorway. Edward found the distance between them oddly representative of how far apart they had grown over these last few weeks. He felt that way with nearly everyone now, as if there was some unbridgeable void separating him from that understanding he used to possess, that used to make him so easy to get along with.
"Vic was right," Eugene's voice sounded a little hollow to his ears, an alien sound from the usually kind and optimistic man.
"I don't think I want to know what about," Edward said with an unconcerned raise of his eyebrows before turning back to his paperwork, effectively ignoring Eugene, "are you staying? I'll have Vic fix your room up for you."
"Are you even in there at all?" Eugene asked; Edward felt like asking him what the hell he was talking about, but unfortunately he knew all too well what he meant, "Or have you cut yourself off completely?"
Edward wished that he could. Instead of the separating void that was so apparent when he talked to anyone, he wished that there was simply nothing, not a void to separate him from everyone else, but simply a void and nothing else. Simply Edward and Edward alone, because it was becoming both too confusing and too painful to try and understand when all of this had started to happen to him.
"If you're hungry I'll have something prepared for you," Edward didn't show any outward sign of his distress and pointedly didn't look at Eugene as he talked.
"Why won't you talk to me?" Eugene asked, his tone sounding both confused and a little hurt, "Edward?"
"You'll need to let me know if you need hot water though," Edward continued, feeling a little sick at how easy it was becoming to dismiss his friend so completely, "there's something wrong with the pipes in the left wing at the moment."
"Edward," Eugene sounded more angry than hurt now, "Aya wants to know why you haven't replied to the wedding invitation yet?"
"Get out," Edward replied succinctly, still not looking up, not breaking stride, not changing his tone, not raising his voice...
"What did you say?" Eugene sounded more confused than anything else.
"I said get out," yet when he said it a second time Edward realised just how angry he was, "get out!"
Not just angry, furious. Nothing made sense to him anymore, his world was falling apart around him and Eugene was here to hassle him about wedding invitations to wedding he wished weren't happening and he was busy, he had so much to do and yet so little time to do it in, and he was...he wanted..!
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Eugene was standing now, right in front of Edward's desk, meeting Ed's glare with a steady one of his own, "why are you being so hostile?"
"I..." for a moment he actually felt like apologising, the guilt crushing his chest became overwhelming, until he forced it down with that other feeling, something like righteous indignation, the calm safe feeling in his stomach which had been secretly keeping him going ever since this debacle began, "I am fine. It appears to be you who has the problem Eugene, and I wish you would take it elsewhere, permanently."
Eugene recoiled as if struck. Something inside Edward revelled at the sight, while another part of him wondered furiously at how he had come to this.
"If that's how it's going to be," Eugene said levelly, stepping backwards towards the door without turning, watching Edward with every step, "do you know that Vic said I was the only person he could think of who could really talk to you? Get you to open up? Maybe it was a misguided choice but it tells you a lot doesn't it? If not me, then who are you going to talk to? Tell me Edward, who do you trust enough to tell?"
Capell, he thought instantly. Unfortunately the thought only made him worse. He already had told Capell, he'd told him everything and what had it gotten him? Nothing but pain.
"There's nothing to tell," he said, hating the way his voice cracked as he tried his best to stay stoic and reserved; he cleared his throat and avoided Eugene's suddenly sad eyes.
"Edward please," he sounded so sincere, but Edward knew better than to trust it didn't he? "don't do this to yourself. Tell me what's wrong. Please Edward?"
The sudden temptation to do just that hit Edward like a physical thing, making his head reel. Couldn't his emotions calm down for one second? What was wrong with his mind? Why was he so indecisive, so taciturn? Edward covered his face with his hands and closed his eyes tightly. He heard Eugene stop his retreat towards the door, felt his eyes on him, watching him. He wanted to, to tell him, but he couldn't, it wouldn't work, everything would go so wrong if he did, everything.
"Just leave," Edward said through the gap in his hands, his voice becoming strained as his emotions once again became unbearable "just leave."
He didn't take his hands away from his face until the room was entirely silent once more. When he did Eugene was gone and his office was empty. Edward clasped his hands and pressed them against his mouth, eyes closed, trying to find some sort of calm. His heart was beating too fast; he forced himself to breathe through his nose to try and calm himself down. There was an unthinkable urge to break something, coiling deep in the pit of his stomach. It made his fingers itch and his spine tense as if ready to spring up at any moment.
What did he want? He wanted to go down to the stables, get on his horse and ride it to Fayel without stopping for water, stopping to fight, stopping to think about what he was doing until he saw the walls and he wouldn't stop if the gates were up because that would waste too much precious time. He'd ride the fucking horse right up into the damn palace if that's what it took! Right up the elaborate stairways to Aya's room (and Capell's now he guessed bitterly) and he'd..! He'd...
He opened his eyes, noting the haze of fury that still lingered over his vision. God, he wanted to kill them, he wanted to kill them for doing this to him! He wanted it, he wanted it, he wanted to kill Eugene for daring to try and placate him, Vic for interfering, the visiting Royals for being a bunch of smug little pricks who wouldn't know decency if it walked up and stabbed them in the gut! He pulled his hands away from his mouth and put them flat against the desk, fingers involuntarily curling into claws against the wood.
"You're losing your mind," he heard himself say, but it sounded detached, as if it truly were his old, reliable self talking to this new, insane, bloodthirsty monster.
"Maybe I like it that way," he laughed back.
The book. His thoughts jerked to it suddenly, like a revelation. It was far more fascinating now that it had been yesterday and that worried him on some level. The book, the answers were there, he was sure of it. He needed those answers, he needed to understand, he needed to know. This was bigger, he could feel it, bigger than him and Capell, bigger than just Burgusstadt, bigger than the Dreadknight and the Liberation Force. What fools they had been, he thought as he strode purposefully down the corridor, to think that this could possibly be solved by them, by a bunch of useless idiots stumbling around in the dark trying to find the reason behind their lives and failing.
'You're only talking about yourself' the voice said.
"Shut up!" he growled, glad there was no one else in the library as he continued to talk out loud, "I'm going to end all of this...this foolishness."
He sent a guard for the librarian. Edward sat by the book in the meantime, looking over its pages intently, careful not to obey his impulse to reach out and touch it, to stroke the beautifully coloured plates and trace the gracefully carved letters and runes. His fingers itched again, his blood seemed to be coursing through his veins doubly quick despite his not being out of breath. Everything had changed, ever since that dream, that impossible dream of Capell loving him, taking him, making Edward his completely. Then the serious wake-up call the next day, when he'd told him, confessed, and been rejected entirely. Edward pushed his hands into his hair to give them something to do, pulling at it roughly. The feeling in his stomach intensified as he heard the footsteps approaching. Finally the librarian was escorted in by the guard, his smile disconcerting to Edward in his troubled state. He was an old man, his hair a pure white tangle atop his withered face, wearing clothes that looked too big for his wasted old frame.
"How can I help you, your majesty?" he asked.
"Here," Edward tried to keep a lid on the mania that was threatening at the edge of his mind; truthfully he was beginning to scare himself, "I need you to translate this for me. I was told that you can translate ancient Burgish, correct?"
"Oh yes, your majesty," the old librarian seemed more overjoyed that someone had taken an interest in a talent he rarely got to use than the fact that it was under the Kings orders, "if you'd please let me know the exact passage you would like translated I would gladly talk you through it..."
"No need," Edward said blinking, trying to pull himself back together, make sure the old man didn't see, didn't see, "I only need the finished translation, and please make it as accurate as you can."
The old man lost a little of his exuberance and seemed to take offence, although he was still polite as Edward outlined the one line on the page he needed, the part that he hadn't been able to translate, the one line that tagged on the end of the rough translation that Edward had himself made only a few days ago. Edward couldn't tell if the man was put out because he had interrupted him or because Ed had declined his offer of a tutorial in ancient Burgish. Either way, Edward found that he really didn't care. The old librarian, who finally introduced himself as Gregory Ghalt, informed him that the translation may take a while and seemed surprised when Edward quickly stated that he could wait.
"It may take about half an hour to make a very accurate translation your majesty," Ghalt explained, looking a little wary of Edward's mood swings.
"...Alright, I'll be in my study," Edward said reluctantly, trying his best to keep a semblance of normalcy, "but I want you to inform me as soon as the translation is finished, understand?"
"Of course, your majesty," Ghalt said, nodding.
His study was suddenly too small, Edward decided as he paced backwards and forwards in front of his own desk. He'd only been here for fifteen minutes and already it was too long. The windows were too small, didn't let in enough light. He'd thrown them all open but the room still felt constricting, like some sort of elaborate cage. Perhaps that was only apt, it was how he felt wasn't it? His Kingship was more of a gilded collar than a crown, something to keep him chained here in a servitude that he had neither wanted nor wished for. He'd been so lost in his thoughts that the knock at the door startled him more than it really should have.
"Come in," he said breathlessly.
The door opened to reveal someone he hadn't expected in the least. He'd been expecting a guard, or perhaps the librarian himself, telling him that it hadn't taken as long as he'd thought and that the translation was done. He hadn't expected Kiriya to walk in as if he owned the room (which he always managed to unfortunately) and give him a very odd look.
"Well, you look happy to see me," he drawled, arching an eyebrow.
"I thought...never mind! What do you want?" Edward asked irritably, continuing his pacing so as to keep as calm as he could.
"Eugene wasn't far wrong then," Kiriya said airily, grating on Edward's nerves, "you really did get out of the wrong side of bed this morning."
"I really haven't got the time for this Kiriya," Edward said, finally stopping by his desk to lean against the polished wood, "why are you here? Did Vic send for you too?"
"Not quite, no," Kiriya said, a rare frown gracing his features as he watched Edward closely, "I'm here on behalf of the Academy for Meteorological Study, the Headmaster sent me."
"Why?" Edward bit out, really very much not in the mood to be bored by hours of science babble again.
"You really don't read your calendar, do you?" Kiriya smirked, albeit warily, "It's happening on Wednesday."
"What is?" Edward asked.
"The solar eclipse," Kiriya said in frustration, "I can't believe you forgot. It's only the biggest event of the decade for these people and..."
Edward stopped listening. That feeling in his stomach was suddenly spreading, up his throat, silencing his lips, out over his skin, making the hairs rise on his arms. Kiriya noticed quite quickly that Edward was no longer listening to a word he was saying.
"It's happening here Edward, the best view will be from the plains," Kiriya sounded more concerned than Edward had ever heard him, "Edward are you listening to me? Can you even hear me? Hey!"
The feeling was so intense that it almost hurt. His skin felt like it was on fire, the heat radiating against his need to regain some semblance of sanity. He couldn't lose himself completely to this feeling, he couldn't. He didn't know what it was, he didn't understand! The words, the translation, that would help, it would help him understand, he needed it.
"I..." Edward managed, stifling a groan, hands tensing as he crossed his arms over his chest, "I'm alright I just...need to..."
"What's wrong with you?" Kiriya stood and crossed the room to stand beside him, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Edward I think you need to see the doctor, you don't look well..."
"No! No, I don't need to see the doctor I...I'll be alright I just need to rest here for a while and I'll be alright," Edward placated, flinching away when Kiriya touched the back of his palm to Edward's now sweaty brow.
"My God, Edward, you're burning up! I'm going to get the doctor!" Kiriya said sternly.
"No! Wait Kiriya, don't!" Edward pleaded, letting out a small moan as the feeling deepened; it began to feel almost pleasurable in its intensity.
"Dammit Edward, what's wrong with you? You have a fever, you're incoherent, you need to see a doctor!" Kiriya said angrily, taking hold of Edward's arm.
"Alright," Edward acquiesced, thinking quickly, "alright I'll see the doctor, just let me stop by the library on the way there, there's something I had the librarian working on, it's very important that I know as soon as possible."
Kiriya looked like he was about to protest again but his eyes seemed to soften a little as he looked at Edward.
"Fine," he said, "but this better be quick."
Kiriya practically held him up most of the way. He nearly vetoed Edward's appeal to stop at the library a few times when Edward stumbled, but Edward managed to pacify him. Every step was becoming heavier, every breath seemed to take in less and less air. Edward's intense feeling of zealousness towards finding out the translation and loyalty to his knew thoughts and feelings was being swiftly overrun by sheer panic and his innate survival instincts.
"Ah your Majesty, I was just about to send for yo-My lord! What's wrong with you!?" the old man leapt from his chair in fright and started forwards towards the drooping form of his King being held up by a very annoyed Kiriya.
"Never mind me," Edward managed, staring into Ghalt's eyes, "the translation. I need it."
"But your majesty..." Ghalt began to protest.
"Now! Tell me now!" Edward all but shouted.
"Edward get a hold of yourself," Kiriya said in distress, "or I'm dragging you to the doctor right now!"
Ghalt stared at him in horror. Slowly he sat back down at the table and looked shakily over his notes.
"It says...umm, it says 'Fund gebrunum sach id resperach opusne talaktanin'," Ghalt said.
"Which means what?" Edward asked, gasping as the old librarian had read the words, as if he understood them on some visceral level but couldn't comprehend them.
"Quite literally, your majesty, it translates to 'Allow the sun enter thee and become one, loyal servant'."
Edward had expected the feelings to explode again, to increase to the point of the unbearable, but instead they simply disappeared completely. The heat bordering on painful leached away as if cooled by an icy wind, the maddening sense of hatred calmed to an understandable level, something he could work with, something he could understand, suddenly, blindingly, everything made perfect sense. Somewhere in the back of his mind he thought he heard a voice, whose he wasn't sure, but he couldn't make out the words. That calm had descended again, the one that made him feel safe, protected. Even his sudden symptoms which had scared him so badly moments before seemed nothing more than a slight inconvenience. He detached himself from Kiriya, who was now giving him a very incredulous look, and straightened out his clothes and his hair, wiping away the sweat which had accumulated on his forehead. He smiled at Ghalt.
"Thank you Mr. Ghalt," he said, "you've been most helpful."
"Edward," Kiriya said quietly, staring at him, "are you...feeling better?"
"Very much so," Edward said heartily, "didn't I tell you I only needed to go to the library and everything would be fine?"
"But..! But that makes no sense! I'm still taking you to the doctor!" Kiriya argued hotly.
"Be my guest," Edward shrugged, feeling as if a huge weight had been lifted from his shoulders, "I don't think he'll find anything though."
He left with Kiriya, leaving a very disturbed librarian staring at the translation he had written out in trepidation. Kiriya watched Edward smile and shivered. Edward smiled and knew what he had to do. Everything would be alright. He had a purpose again, he had meaning again. The wedding was in five days, the eclipse in four.
Everything would be just fine.
1 The title is taken from 'The Extasie' by John Donne
AN: Sorry this took so long! Thanks to everyone for the reviews, favourites and alerts, they're much appreciated and I'm glad you're enjoying the story. Hopefully this isn't getting too abstract, just let me know if there's anything that needs cleared up which I haven't made properly clear in the story (I'm really bad at that, honestly).
Fightergirl-Hyuuga – Thanks so much, I'm glad you like it! Yes there definitely needs to be more Ed/Capell out there, I mean, where is it all? Glad you liked the dream scene, it won't be the last!
Hikari Kaiya – Lol! Oh yes, I always kept Ed in my party too *wink wink nudge nudge*, sorry, I have a dirty mind. Glad you like it!
Lourdes23 – Glad you're still liking the story! Sorry if this chapter only adds even more questions and doesn't answer anything though! Hopefully in the next couple of chapters I'll be able to get some proper explanations in, hopefully i wont confuse anyone too much before then!
Emmarrrrr – LOL! I'm glad that scene went down so well ;) and I don't mean that as an innuendo!