Chapter 9: Asperger
30 December 1863
"Here, Erik, try these on."
Today was the first day Erik was without Gustave—his first day alone with Hannah. For some odd reason, Erik couldn't bring himself to trust the Madame. So far, she had cut Erik's hair to a nicer style (Erik had to admit, Hannah seemed to know exactly what he preferred) and practically forced Erik to try on new clothes.
"Must Erik?" he eyed the casual attire with a neutral expression. "Erik does not like it. Erik prefers something more formal… Erik prefers… "
Hannah sighed. Of course. His mindset over preference of attire has not changed since Madeleine Mulheim's rule.
"Very well, then. But you must accompany me to go purchase them."
Erik frowned, his left hand jerking slightly. The Madame was obviously trying to coax him out of the house, to spend some free time. He reached up towards his face, whispering, "but Erik's face… No one wants to see Erik's face. It is an abomination that others will jeer at…"
Mon dieu. I forgot. "Right, but Erik…"
"…perhaps Erik should just kill himself right now. Perhaps Erik should swallow some poison. Yes, that's what Erik shall do, shall he not? Or perhaps make Madame angry enough to abandon him…" he muttered rapidly, eyes no longer focused on Hannah or the clothes.
"Erik… Erik? Is something wrong?" Hannah set the clothes down and approached the boy, whose left hand was now scratching frantically at his face. Perhaps I am not hearing him right.
He paid no heed to Hannah's word.
"…Yes, that's what Erik shall do. Erik shall claw his face out, perhaps then Erik shall bleed to death? Monsieur Gustave is not here—he will not know. He should not know. Erik is bad. Erik is very bad. Erik is very bad for hurting Monsieur. But it is for the best, it is for the best for Monsieur and Madame. Erik must take quick action before Monsieur comes ba—"
"ERIK!" Erik's face jerked out of his trance, eyeing Hannah fearfully.
"Ma-madame?" he asked timidly, as if he had done nothing wrong.
"What were you muttering about?"
"P-p-pardon, Madame?" Erik was genuinely confused. What had Erik been doing in the past minute or so?
Hannah looked at him suspiciously. He really seemed to have no idea about what happened. His amber eyes showed nothing but confusion. Does he really not remember what he was doing? Oh lord.
"Never mind, Erik."
"Could you at least purchase a mask for Erik now? Please?" he looked up at Hannah, eyes now pleading. Hannah sighed. What else could she do for him?
"Very well then. Stay indoors for the time being, okay? Read some books if you'd like. You know where the library is, no?" Erik nodded. "I shall be back as soon as possible."
XXXX
"Erik? Where are you?" Hannah opened the door slowly, trying hard not to disturb the child within her.
"Up here, Madame."
"Come down here, I purchased it for you."
Erik slowly made his way to the living room, left arm gripping on one of Gustave's odd books, Gray's Anatomy: Descriptive and Applied. Hannah's eyes widened at the sight of the book in his arm.
"Erik! You mustn't read that book! It is not suitable for children like you!"
"But Erik is not a child, Madame… Erik is an ugly beast." He dropped the book. He caressed his face with his left hand. "No one calls Erik human. Always the freak! Always the monster! Always the vermin! Anything except human!" With each accusation, his voice rose exponentially, echoing around Hannah like warm air. "No one cares for Erik like a boy. No one…" He crossed his arms, hugging his body tightly, his voice diminishing just as quickly.
"No one but Monsieur Gustave…"
Hannah's heart dropped. Erik did not consider her as trustworthy.
"I do as well." Her blunt statement made Erik look up in surprise. "Gustave and I love you just the way you are, regardless of your face. You are only a monster if that is what you consider yourself one to be so."
"But, Madame… Erik does—"
"Please stop referring yourself as Erik." Her tone was borderline threatening. Erik was taken back.
"Why—"
"Nobody refers to themselves by their own names. Use 'I' from this point onwards."
"But—"
"No buts!" Her warm brown eyes blazed in anger and frustration.
"Madame!" Erik was crying now, turning away from Hannah. "You're just like the others, always forcing Erik to do what they want to do. You don't care about me at all!"
Hannah paled, snapping out of her own persona. "Erik, you don't underst—"
"Erik understands fully well!" Erik glared at Hannah, left hand dropping and forming a fist, while his injured right hand remained crossed. "You're not like Monsieur Gustave! He never forced Erik to do anything, nothing! Everything was at Erik's own accord!"
"Er—"
"Just leave Erik alone already!" Grabbing the discarded book on the floor, he turned and abruptly ran to his room.
Speechless and alone in the living room, Hannah wept, the little bag unceremoniously dropped at her feet. What had she done?
XXXX
Her melancholy did not last long however. His screams tore through the room, and Hannah, completely forgetting the recent conversation, and rushed to the source of the screams.
"Erik! ERIK?! What's going on?"
Out of breath and clutching her belly, Hannah reached the sole bathroom in the house. Erik was collapsed on the floor, left hand shaking while clutching a small hand mirror.
"Er…Erik truly is a monster, no?" he looked up at Hannah shakily and laughed nervously. "First Erik yells at Erik's elders, and now Erik cries over a mirror. Erik is pathetic…"
Oh Erik. If only you knew what pregnancy does to a woman's emotions. "I don't blame you, Erik," Hannah said softly. "I have no excuse for my words and actions…"
Erik nodded. "Oui, Erik read about it in there…" he pointed almost accusingly at the thick book next to his feet. Still trembling, he looked down upon his defeated form and whispered, "Erik… Erik is sorry for hurting Madame with words."
"Oh Erik…"
"Erik… Erik means I… will try to do as Madame wishes. Er—I know that Madame only wants what is best for Er—me." His words came out disjointedly and slowly.
Hannah offered her hand to the fallen boy. "There's no need to apologize to me, Erik, for I have hurt you just as much as you have to me." Erik hesitated, then accepted her hand, letting go of the small mirror in the process. Pulling him up from the ground, Hannah hugged him in a loose embrace.
"Oh Erik, how I've missed you so!"
Erik didn't know how to react, much less say. His first hug. His first embrace. Coming from this woman who apparently knew him in the past. It all seemed so familiar to him, but… his left hand twitched around. "Madame…"
Hannah pulled away. "Right, about the mask." She led him back to the abandoned bag. She pointed at it. "Open it," she said softly.
Why does Madame make me get it? Why can't she get it herself? Erik knew he was being highly unreasonable and selfish, but he opened his mouth to speak. Turning to Hannah, he finally remembered. Right. Madame is with a child. Making her bend down to grab something will only hurt her. Erik is a fool. A fool. A beast without compassion. His throat started burning up, and turned away from Hannah. "Erik is a fool, a fool to even think so…"
"Erik?"
"Erik should not have thought so. Erik should have been grateful for Madame to purchase the mask. But no, the beast wanted her to pick it up for him!" He laughed madly. "Oh, Erik is such a fool, such a fool. Erik forgot she is with a child. A child that should be protected. And here Erik wants harm on the child unintentionally."
"Erik…"
He slowly backed away from Hannah, eyes darting around the room. "Erik must pay for his sin. Erik must pay for the bad thoughts he had. Bad Erik. Bad bad Erik…" His eyes rested upon the kitchen. "Yes, that's where Madame must keep her knife, no? Erik must get it. Erik must rid himself before he attempts to harm another person…"
"Erik, no!" Hannah wept. Erik's mentality must have cracked severely by the gypsies. And from women. Damn you Madeleine. Damn you and your words that will forevermore hurt your own flesh and blood.
Somehow, Hannah's words reached Erik. Regaining his senses, he shook his head. What a bizarre dream. Why is Erik heading towards the kitchen? He turned around, back to Hannah. Seeing her weep brought him back to their recent conversation. "Madame…"
"Erik? Are you fine now?" Hannah hastily wiped her tears away with her sleeve.
"Eri—I think so."
"Well, here's your mask."
Finally curious to its content, Erik opened the bag. Withdrawing his hand, he found his arm clutching onto a black barbe du masque. He turned back to Hannah, mouth moving, but words not coming out.
"You're welcome, Erik. Under one condition though; do not wear the mask in this house. All right?"
Erik nodded.
"Good, now try it on." Erik had great difficulty slipping the mask onto his face. His left hand could only do so many activities at once. "Here, let me help you if you stand up."
Erik obeyed. Hannah adjusted the mask onto Erik's face, frowning at him as she did so.
"I really do not like this mask. Really, Erik, do not wear this at home."
XXXX
"My god, poor old Hannah."
"Why does she bother with a being like that?"
"What on Earth is she doing with a shady person?"
"What was she thinking?"
Erik's grip on her hand tightened. Despite the mask, people still viewed Erik as a different entity, almost as if his face was what was being shown. At least now, people will think I am just crazy and not as a deformed freak.
Hannah sighed. They just left Monsieur Rainer's market, the bags of meat and vegetables hanging from Erik's arm, while Hannah carried Erik's new clothes in her other hand. The walk to Rainer's was torture to her and Erik. God, these people were so prejudiced to a little boy wearing a full-blown mask. How did humanity come to this, she thought sadly.
If only everyone realized that everyone was wearing a mask of their own.
"Eri—I told you, Madame. No one would want Erik. All people do is point and murmur unspeakable things to Erik." His voice was low, and contained a hint of sorrow. Hannah instantly gripped tighter on Erik's hand, mentally supporting him. Erik looked at her and smiled shyly.
"Do not fret, Erik. I am here. As long as I am here, no one will harm you…"
"Hey FREAK!" A small rock landed squarely onto Erik's forehead, and he instinctively released his hand from Hannah's to recoil in pain. The groceries splattered out on the street, but Erik and Hannah paid no mind to them. A group of children, around Erik's age but of lesser social standing, was starting to crowd around them.
How Hannah wished she could take her words back.
More pebbles and rocks rained down on him, all landing on Erik, none touching Hannah. Hannah couldn't do anything, frozen in fear as her reassuring words turned out false. She just stood there helplessly as Erik was reduced to a curled ball on the gravel road.
"Why don't you just show us your face, huh?"
"Show it to us!"
"You don't belong in this society!"
"You belong in a cage!"
"No… no…" Erik whimpered silently. Each rock hurt his already aching body, his face starting to bleed where the first sharp rock had hit his forehead. The children were now approaching him, sticks and wooden planks in their arms.
"Time to get our prize." This was going too much. Her mind flashed back to Madeleine. Seeing another wooden plank snapped Hannah into action.
"NO!" Hannah shoved the children aside, using her body as a shield from Erik. "YOU WILL NOT DO ANY HARM TO MY LITTLE BOY!" Her eyes flashed in anger and the words were basically spat out.
"Oh crap…"
"She snapped out of it…"
"Let's run!" The children disbanded, retreating to the alleys of the city.
Huffing due to her exertion of the voice, Hannah slowly turned back to Erik, still sobbing in his little ball. She decided to wait for a couple of minutes so Erik would calm down. "Erik…"
"Go away… Let Erik die here alone…"
"But Er—"
"Don't you see, Madame!" Erik shouted out, "don't you see what people do to Erik?! All they do is take and take! They don't give anything back to Erik! They take and take and take, and Erik is always left alone! An empty shell that people tear apart and look at further! Erik can't take it anymore…" he went back to crying.
"Well then, Erik, what do you suppose I should do?"
"Let Erik die alone. Here."
"And what if I don't?"
Erik looked up from his arm. "Take Erik somewhere where the world will never find him."
"Oh Erik…"
"What is going on here?" a cold voice cut through the air. A voice demanding total loyalty.
Hannah turned around. Antoinette Giry stood, regal as a queen, looking at Hannah and Erik oddly.
"I…"
Barbe du Masque- Look up rumpelstiltskinned's "The Opera Ghost" on Deviantart. She did research on what Erik's mask should've looked like back then. I decided that Erik would wear this type of mask in his youth, and then the one everyone is familiar with for his adult life.
I don't own any characters or songs, save for my original characters.
Reviews and comments are welcomed.