Chapter 10
***The song in this chapter is NOT MINE. It is by Those Poor Bastards, and there is a YouTube link below.***
Sam found a motel across the street from a local dive, so they parked the Impala in the lot and grabbed their room keys before heading over to the bar. After finding out the kitchen was closed, Dean suggested finding someplace else, but Lexi tracked down the cook and talked him into grilling up a couple burgers.
"There are perks to hanging out with a prostitute," she grinned, sliding into the booth next to Cas.
"Maybe we should get you an FBI badge," said Sam, only half jokingly.
"Only if I can be Detective Holiday," replied Lexi, raising her eyebrows. She took a swig of her whiskey. "Still can't believe you drink, angel." She nodded at Cas.
"On occasion," he replied coolly, then smirked and drained his glass.
"Can you even get drunk?" Lexi asked him.
"It takes a lot," admitted Cas.
"Once," began Dean, "he claims he drank an entire liquor store." He raised his eyebrows at Cas. The bartender noticed Cas' empty glass and came over with more whiskey to refill it.
"Leave the bottle," Dean told her.
"Y'all celebrating something?" she asked, setting the liquor down after refilling everyone's drinks.
"You bet," Dean responded with a flirty smile, which was returned. He watched walk back to the bar, and ignored Sam's eye roll.
"To Lexi," Sam said. "Vampire slayer, and our very own divine key."
"Here's hopin," she responded, and they all raised their glasses.
A couple hours later, a blues band made up of three men who looked to be in their sixties showed up and began entertaining the place with some old standards. Cas was the only one of the group who wasn't showing signs of intoxication.
"I just cannot believe you fuckers started the apocalypse!" said Lexi, a little too loudly, though fortunately no one was listening.
"Hey—we ended it too," defended Dean.
Lexi shook her head, and then stared into her whiskey. "I wish I could have met Bobby," she said quietly.
"Yeah, he would've gotten a kick out of you," Sam replied with a sad smile. Dean took a long drink from his glass, and Cas was starting to give her the look that meant he was probing her thoughts again, so she changed the subject.
"Mmm, I've always loved this song," she said as the singer belted out the second verse of House of the Rising Sun.
"I liked it better when The Animals did it," grumbled Dean, earning an annoyed glare from Lexi. "Whatever," he continued. "As long as they're playing stuff with words I really don't care."
"I've got this theory about people who don't listen to stuff without lyrics," Lexi said. Dean looked at her expectantly, and she stared back at him. "I think some people have to have lyrics because they can't deal with the words in their own heads."
Dean's face closed off, and he drained his glass. Lexi swallowed, wondering if she'd crossed a line, but rather than apologizing she decided she needed a cigarette. "I'm going outside," she said.
They watched her until the side door slammed shut. "She's really taking all this pretty well," remarked Sam.
"Yeah, minus her couple minor freak outs," Dean responded sarcastically.
"Well what can we expect?" said Sam, but Dean was already looking over at the bartender again. Sam shook his head. "Cas? Any insights?"
Cas' eyes hadn't left the door since Lexi's exit, but he faced them as he spoke. "I think she holds in more than she lets out," he said pensively.
The band finished the song and took a short beverage break for last call, which quieted the bar down significantly.
"That girl asks more questions than anyone I've ever met," commented Dean.
"She is remarkably curious," replied Cas, staring off with a small smile on his face. Dean and Sam raised their eyebrows at each other, but didn't say anything. Dean picked up the bottle of whiskey and refilled each of their glasses.
They were all slightly distracted, so none of them paid much attention when the band started up again. Just as Cas started to wonder when Lexi was going to come back, they heard a woman's voice through the microphone.
Here I am standing at the crossroads…
A very drunk man turned around in his bar stool and whooped.
On the path between darkness and light…
Dean and Sam twisted around in the booth to find Lexi sitting in front of the drummer, strumming a guitar.
They keep telling me I must choose
Between what is wrong and is right…
Dean glanced back at Cas to find that he was just as shocked as they were. He turned back towards the band as the music swelled.
Oh between good and evil, I'll never choose
If either side wins, I know I'll lose
So I'll stand at the crossroads for life, stand at the crossroads for life…
Her singing wasn't always on pitch, but she put more than enough heart into it to make up for any technical imperfections.
And all of them just want to use me
Use my name to endorse their beliefs
But I will be nobody's puppet
No matter who's pulling the strings
Oh, between good and evil…
"Sing it, honey!" shouted the drunk man from across the bar. Cas gave him a dirty look, but when he looked back at Lexi a small smile passed across her face before she closed her eyes to deliver the bridge.
Back off angels, back off devils
I wanna stand on my own
Back off angels, back off devils
I wanna stand on my own…
"Picked a good song," said Sam, clearly impressed.
"I'll say," affirmed Dean.
And no, I won't join your army
Not for Satan, not for Jesus Christ
Though I dwell within endless darkness
Somewhere, I know there's a light
Oh, between good and evil…
Cas felt the pull in his chest again, somewhere deep—somewhere that made him silently wish he could know what it felt like to be blessed with a human soul.
…Back off angels, back off devils
I wanna stand on my own…
The guitar stopped, and she sang the last line without accompaniment.
I'm gonna stand on my own.
The whole bar started clapping enthusiastically, Winchesters and Cas included. Lexi smiled as she handed the guitar back to its owner, but Cas could have sworn he saw her blush.
She walked over to the booth and grabbed her glass, draining it without sitting down.
"Nice!" Dean said, and this time she definitely blushed.
"Better finish up," she said. "They're gonna kick us out soon."
Cas was still staring at Lexi. Sam and Dean looked at each other and picked up their drinks.
Sam and Dean took one room, Cas and Lexi the other. Lexi hadn't said anything when they checked in, but as she flicked on the lights she noticed there was only one bed. Raising one eyebrow, she turned to Cas.
"If you think we're sharing that bed, you better have some cash hidden on you, angel," she said, looking him up and down with slightly glassy eyes.
"I don't sleep," Cas explained.
She stared at him. "Of course you don't," she said, throwing her duffel bag onto the bed.
She grabbed the ice bucket, and went outside for a moment. When she returned, Cas was sitting at the tiny fake wood table. He looked at her strangely.
"Why do you need ice?" he asked.
Grinning, Lexi set the bucket on the table and unzipped her duffel bag. She pulled out another bottle of whiskey.
"You packed… whiskey?" asked Cas. When she just smiled, he continued teasingly, "Of course you did."
"I only grabbed the important stuff," she said innocently, taking two plastic cups and filling them with ice. Cas considered telling her he thought she'd had enough whiskey for the night, but it occurred to him she might take that as a dare, so he stayed quiet.
"So you don't sleep," she stated, though her eyes implied it was more of a question. She opened the whiskey and poured a generous dose into each cup before joining Cas at the table.
Cas took a sip and was pleasantly surprised—the whiskey was very clean, and almost sweet.
"Do you just sit up and read?" inquired Lexi.
"Not really," he replied seriously after a beat.
"I would," she said, chewing on an ice cube. "Man… you can heal people, you don't have to sleep… If I hadn't heard about all that Naomi crap, I'd totally want to be an angel."
Cas looked down with a sad smile, then turned the questioning around to Lexi.
"Where did you learn to play the guitar?" he asked, genuinely wanting to know.
She stared at him for a moment, silently debating whether or not to tell him the truth. "I had a client, a while back," she started after deciding it couldn't hurt. Cas looked at her, confused. "When I say client…" she raised her eyebrows at him. He suddenly understood, and though he became slightly uncomfortable, he still wanted to hear the story. She gave him a half smile. "He was probably sixty, but really sweet… The lonely, harmless type," she continued, before looking over at Cas and realizing he didn't totally want to hear that. She rolled her yes. "Anyway, this guy owned a few guitars, including this old Gibson," she said. "There was one time he couldn't pay me, so he offered me the guitar, and… I started teaching myself the blues."
"Self-taught," Cas said, as if it should have been obvious.
"I'm self-taught at pretty much everything, honey," she said, taking a long drink of whiskey. She looked at him again, and he could sense another internal debate, so he waited for her to start speaking again. "I barely made it halfway through high school before my stepfather decided to put me out on the street," she explained. There was a tired hint of bitterness in her tone, but she spoke matter-of-factly.
Cas couldn't imagine how anyone could do that to family, or how terrible life had been for Lexi. With a stab of regret, he remembered calling her a whore in the diner. He hadn't even thought about it at the time—he had certainly judged her way too quickly. Lexi continued her story. "I left home, but it turns out it's pretty difficult to be legit and underage, so I set myself up in Cleveland—shared an apartment, got a few regulars… and eventually I picked up the guitar," she finished.
"What's so special about the guitar?" Cas asked.
"Ain't nothing as perfect as the twelve bar blues," Lexi replied, almost reverently. She took another drink and got up to find an ashtray, so she didn't see Cas' eyes look up at her with wonder.
Lexi sat back down and lit her cigarette. "I can't believe it's only been twenty-four hours," she said, rubbing her left temple. "You know," she started, giving a half-smile, "this is the farthest west I've ever been." Her tone was casual, but Cas saw right through it. She was so glad just to be going somewhere, but held a deep-seated fear that it would all slip through her fingers and she would end up where she'd begun.
"One day out," Cas said. Lexi looked at him apprehensively. Cas tilted his head, dissecting her mistrust. "You can let yourself believe you're out, Lexi," he said softly.
Her eyes clouded over, and she stared into her whiskey. After a moment, Lexi shook her head. "It's just…" She looked back up at him with the same pleading gaze she'd had in the parking lot outside the diner. "I'm not sure I can. And I've seen so many people…" Lexi's jaw clenched. "Why me?"
"Maybe you deserve it," responded Cas.
"There are plenty of people deserve to leave that life behind," Lexi snapped.
"That doesn't mean you don't," he said simply.
Lexi looked away and took a drag from her cigarette. She exhaled slowly, and as she did she seemed to become more resolved. Still staring off, she finally spoke.
"I'm never going back," she said, and stubbed out her cigarette definitively.
Cas leaned forward. "You won't have to," he replied kindly.
"I mean it," Lexi insisted, meeting his eyes with a fierce gaze.
"So do I," answered Cas, and she knew he did. Her heart gave an involuntary leap when she realized she had finally met someone that she just might be able to trust. Lexi gave him a hint of a smile, and Cas leaned back in his chair. She stared at him for a minute, but wasn't quite sure what else to say, so she drained her plastic cup and stood.
"I gotta get a little sleep," she said. She was tired, and she curled up under the covers fully clothed, letting out a relieved sigh. "Good night, Cas," she said, and something in her voice made Cas feel as though he was curled up under blankets too.
"Good night, Lex," he whispered, looking out the window with a content gaze.
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