I'd like to thank SuperNatural1985 for her amazing editing skills and for all her help and support! As she has already announced in her new story, The Way to Live, Max will be making appearances throughout this story as one more of the Pack. I encourage you to please read Max's original story in The Way In, also by SuperNatural1985.
The Climb – Miley Cyrus
I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"
Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high
There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose
Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Ch 10 Pack Bonds
Kim's POV
The morning after Nick left, Elena went to my room to find Antonio had stayed the night. I had stopped wondering whether it was okay for him to stay with me, I enjoyed the comfort of his company way too much to care anymore, despite what my instincts said. He kept coming back so it was obvious he didn't mind, or so I hoped. Elena shooed him from the room and then gave me a bag full of womanly objects. I never thought that I would ever be so happy to see tampons and depilatory wax.
The next day, I Changed again. I didn't feel like I needed to but that was the point, Elena had said. I had to learn control. It took me a while but with Elena's and Antonio's help I managed to do it. This time though, Jeremy Changed with us, since Jaime had already left, and Clayton stayed with the kids. My reaction to coming face to face with Jeremy was the same as when I had come face to face with Antonio and Clayton. I cowered away from him, lying on my belly and placing my head between my paws. He wasn't as large as Antonio when he Changed, but he held himself proudly and irradiated so much power and authority that there was no way you could not submit to him. Once the run was over, Elena made me Change back. It was easier than I had expected. Maybe it was because I had been trying to think like a human by concentrating to understand her words as she spoke, I don't know, but I Changed back without any major problems. The pain didn't disappear, though. It was there when I Changed to wolf form and when I Changed back, reminding me that it was an unnatural process.
During the next few weeks, the bond between me and Antonio grew. Every night, he came to my room, asking me how I was and if anything hurt from training. We would sometimes spend hours at night talking, even if I was too exhausted to contribute anything to the conversation and just let him do all the talking. He would talk about his home and his sons. He mostly spoke of Nick, though, since he was the only one I had met. He told me about his company and I was able to deduce the obvious. He was rich, very rich, but I didn't care. The only thing that mattered to me was that he was willingly telling me about his life. In fact, it seemed like he actually wanted to tell me about his life and his family. We never talked about my family, though. He once tried to get me to talk about it, asking after any siblings, and I answered him honestly, but he realized that I was not going to open up about my family or my past before I was bitten, so he avoided the subject completely from then onwards. He was also careful to never talk about my home again and for that I was forever grateful.
He was always very gentle with me; as if he were scared I would shatter with a too hard touch or a too raised voice. Every time he came to see me at night and it was obvious we were falling asleep after hours of talking, he would always ask if it was okay for him to stay or if I was uncomfortable. It was always okay and I was never uncomfortable. His arms around me always made me feel so protected and the wolf loved it. Deep down, I knew this was wrong, way wrong, but, like I said, I—or the wolf, I wasn't sure, maybe both—enjoyed his presence way too much to care anymore, even though I knew I should. I also knew that I should be weary of the strangers around me, but with each passing day, they were becoming less strangers and my trust in them grew, despite my better judgement.
I spent almost every evening with the twins, except when they went to their swimming lessons. Those days, I would be with Jeremy or Elena, absorbing more information about werewolves, mutts, the Pack and the supernatural world. Sometimes I felt my brain kick in its heels and scream for me to snap out of it and look around, that this was not normal and I shouldn't believe a thing these people said. But it was no use. I was in way too deep to get out even if I wanted to.
The following Wednesday, Nick arrived again shortly before Antonio was due to leave, sneaking up behind me in my room as I talked with Antonio and giving me a bear hug. I froze for a moment, unsure of what I was supposed to do, and then Nick started tickling me and I relaxed. These were good people. I wanted and needed to trust them. Besides, I had already decided that I was going to enjoy the time I had with them as much as I could while I could. Nick eventually let me go and smiled at me as I moved towards Antonio, seeking protection. Antonio chuckled and then lunged at his son, tumbling them to the floor as a play fight ensued. I couldn't help but laugh as I watched them. It felt as if I'd known them for more than a couple of weeks and it just felt so good. I wondered if this is what a werewolf family is supposed to be like, the bonds being stronger than human ones and all.
Finally, Antonio let go of his son that he had pinned beneath him and was tickling savagely, and got up. He came towards me, hugging me, and whispered his promise of returning, as if it would convince me he would come back. It didn't, but I accepted his promise anyway. As he left, I blushed as I realized that Nick was still in the room. I imagined it would be odd to see your father coddling someone that wasn't his child but I reminded myself that Pack bonds were stronger than those normal families had but still, I wasn't Pack. But I knew I would have to make a decision soon even if they weren't pushing me to make it.
I was suddenly forced out of my thoughts as Nick took my hand and led me out of the room, smiling mischievously. My cheeks heated once more but I didn't let go. Pack bonds, remember? Or maybe this was just Nick, who knew? During his last visit, I had seen him very close with Elena, more than I'm sure should be permitted, but Clayton had been with them at the time and had not seemed at all perturbed. Pack bonds, I guess. Or just Nick. I let him lead me to the study but I stopped in my tracks, pulling him to an abrupt stop beside me, the moment I saw that something was definitely different about the room. Very different. There was now a beautiful shiny black piano on the right hand side, just beside the windows. I felt Nick give my hand a tight squeeze before letting me go but I barely registered him. I slowly walked towards the piano and ran my hand over it. It would be so nice to play. I closed my eyes, imagining myself sitting here, playing and singing, feeling the keys under my fingers as they danced along the keyboard. It had been so long since I had played. Would I still remember how?
"Do you like it?" I heard Nick ask from right beside me. I turned to him and nodded, not able to speak right then. He smiled at me and said, "Well, then I'm sorry to say that you won't be able to play until later. Elena will kick my ass if you don't get out there soon." I nodded again and started to make my way to the door when I stopped and turned around.
"Thank you. You don't…you don't know what this means to me," I said softly without meeting his eyes. He didn't know that the piano and the singing were the only things that my grandmother had given and left for me. I saw Nick's feet approach me as I stared at the floor and he stopped just two feet from me. He then pulled me to him, just like his father always did, embracing me in a bear hug once more. I forced the tears that were threatening to roll down my face back, though. I didn't want to break down before Nick. I didn't want him to see how broken I was even though his father had already seen.
"If you ever need anything, Kim, to talk or anything at all, just give me a shout, okay?" he said as he pulled back, holding onto my waist, and I instantly looked away. He had no idea what those words meant for me. I nodded, taking a step back and looking at the floor. I turned around and left the room then, leaving Nick standing there. Why was everything here able to get to me? Had this happened back in Holland I would have kept a straight face and not even have blinked. Maybe it was all the time that I was spending with Antonio and, after all, Nick reminded me a lot of him. I wasn't sure if it was safe for me to be me yet but I was going to give it a shot, hiding as best I could the broken me.
That afternoon, when the kids came home, I played the piano again. God, how I'd missed it. I didn't sing though, I still felt uncomfortable doing that before these people. Well, I felt uncomfortable singing before anyone that wasn't Abbey, so I played while Kate sang. Once we were done, Clay and Elena came over and gave her a hug, sandwiching her between them. I watched them with envy flowing through my veins and then I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find Nick smiling down at me and, without warning, he grabbed me around the waist, plucking me off the piano seat, and pulled me to him, embracing me. I was a bit surprised at first but I quickly returned the hug, simply because I needed it after seeing Kate with her parents. But then I suddenly realized what I was doing and quickly pulled away. Had we been alone I would not have cared but I did not like being so affectionate with other people around. Whether because I couldn't rid myself of my past with my mother or because I was still uncertain that they accepted me, I didn't know, maybe both. Nick didn't seem at all perturbed by my reaction and just smiled down at me as he went over to Kate and hugged her as well.
Sometimes, Nick would come to see me at night during his short visits and would sit with me, just talking for a bit. He'd tell me about what he did for his father's company, about his home, which I'd already heard much about, and about New York. He quickly realized that this interested me and he was soon informing me on all the major and non major sites that the City had to offer. He then did something I had totally not expected. He promised to take me to New York. He chuckled as I stared at him when he said this, scepticism clearly etched on my face. I loved New York and I'd always wanted to go but I had never had the chance. It was just one of those places you just had to visit before you died, at least, that's how I felt. I had already been to Barcelona, London and Paris. I still needed to go to New York, Rome, Florence and Prague. I wished I could believe Nick right then and I did, partly, but I still didn't know what my future had in store for me. I still had a very big decision to make.
Nick never stayed the night. The moment he realized that I was falling asleep, he would bid me goodnight and leave. He probably thought that I would be uncomfortable sleeping with him, so to speak, but I honestly don't think I would care. With each passing day, the wolf within me grew and I was able to control it for the most part. Elena told me, however, that some wolf instincts could not be controlled no matter how much I tried. For example, should I be in a high stress situation and if I were to be attacked, the wolf would push me to retaliate and there would be nothing I could do to stop it. Action and reaction, with no time to second guess the latter. I took all this in stride though, letting the wolf help me accept it. The human still fought against it at times, but every time its voice grew fainter and fainter, its strength waning as I grew accustomed to the wolf within me.
Every time Antonio came back after going home, I noticed that he was distinctly happier than when he had left. I knew he missed his sons but when I had tried to convince him to spend more time with them, he had asked me if I still wanted him here. The question had caught me completely off guard but I had been honest with him since I found myself incapable of lying to him. Yes, I still wanted him here. So he would stay, he had said. Of course, his words had sent tears to my eyes but I no longer cared. I trusted him. He had seen the broken me, well, some of it, and had not left me. The fear didn't entirely disappear though. So many people had turned the backs on me that it would be a while before the fear completely ebbed.
My training continued over the weeks; as did my morning jog with Elena and my afternoon tracking session. I was soon capable of distinguishing scent trails with only hours of difference. On the third week, they started taking me into Bear Valley so I could start tracking scents in a city or town that had a whole host of different scents all mixed together like a cocktail. A bad smelling cocktail. At first, the scents of the town and the people were all too mixed up for me to distinguish which one was the one I had to follow but I forced myself to focus, even though I could feel the wolf's curiosity in the back of my head, its need to explore new territory, but I kept it in check. It took me all afternoon, with Antonio by my side, to find Clayton, who had not exactly made it easy, but at least I'd found him. It was challenging but that just made it all the more fun for some reason. It was probably the wolf within me, seeking challenges to prove itself to the older and stronger werewolves, but it might be just me trying to prove to myself that I wasn't worthless. It kind of worked. Kind of. Antonio and Elena's steady stream of encouragement could not vanquish my lack of self confidence that had grown steadily and non-stop for the last decade. Clayton never said a word of support though, which stung. Somehow I felt I needed his approval more than Antonio's or Elena's but I had no idea how to earn it nor if I'd even be able to. Nick was never present at my training lessons when he was at Stonehaven because Clayton said that he would try to gauge what moves I would do while fighting him. Antonio later explained to me that the boys always took their dares and bets very seriously, as he had learned from a dare Nick had sent Clayton on when they were kids and Clayton had ended up with a broken arm.
By the end of the third week of training, Clayton started changing the routine of my training. I would spend an hour or two with the punching and kicking bag, then he would make me fight Elena and then I would work out with the weights. I had not been keen on fighting Elena, but Antonio had explained that this was the best way to learn how to fight, by trial and error. The first time it didn't go so well. Elena pinned me in less than thirty seconds but I found that I was able to quickly analyze her movements and avoided being pinned for about two minutes by my fifth try. Later that night, Antonio told me that I was a natural fighter and that he was proud of me. His words had filled me with warmth and I don't think he realized exactly what it meant that I trusted him and the Pack. For someone that had barely trusted her own shadow, this was big. Yes, like I've said, I trusted Abbey from the moment we met, but this was an entire group of people in a world I was practically thrown into. Still, the wolf was helping the human accept this and it became easier with each passing day.
My Changes were not any easier than the first one I had gone through but I was able to Change when I was told to, twice a week, always when Antonio was here. I awoke several more times surrounded by naked men and it didn't stop disturbing me, but they always respected me and put distance between themselves and me once I woke up, keeping their eyes averted from my body. Elena was sympathetic with me about this and always offered words of support and encouragement when she led me away from the grotto of naked men. I knew I was going to have to get used to it though. I wanted to stay, there was no denying that fact, but I put off making the decision for a while.
On the last night of October, though, I decided that it was time to make the decision. I had been here for almost a month now. I now knew that these were good people and the Pack was trustworthy. I guess I could say that I was happy here, I had become very close to Nick, Antonio and the twins. Elena was like a friend to me but there was always a barrier between us because she was the Alpha elect and the title demanded I respect her. Still, I knew there were other Pack members I didn't know yet but I wanted to stay, the wolf wanted to stay. The human wanted a family and the wolf needed a Pack. Whether I could find a family here I had no idea but I wanted to stay all the same. My trust in these people was stronger than any I had ever had for anyone other than Abbey. Yes, I wanted to stay. I pushed back any stray thought about the family I had left behind and voiced my decision.
"Tonio?" I said as I lay against Antonio's chest while he held me against him. He had noticed that I was somewhat distracted today and had let me think while he accompanied me in silence. Sometimes he was just so understanding with me, all I wanted to do was cry, wishing that I had known him before any of this had happened.
"Yes, sweetheart?" he said as I felt the vibration through his chest. I took a deep breath and then rounded up the courage to speak.
"I want to stay," I said softly. I felt his fingers stop moving against my back as he stiffened. Had I said the wrong thing? I pulled away from him and sat up on the bed, looking down at him, watching his reaction. What I saw had not been what I had expected. He was happy, very happy. His eyes twinkled as he shone me his trademark smile and then sat up, hugging me fiercely. I hugged him back and immediately felt accepted. I knew I was precipitating myself, that I still had to tell Elena and Jeremy, but I couldn't help it. Antonio had been more of a father to me in these last three weeks than my stepfather had been in eight years. I didn't tell him how I felt though, it was just too embarrassing. He then pulled away from me and looked me in the eyes as he held my face with his large hands.
"Do you have any idea how happy you've just made me?" he asked softly. I shook my head in his hands. I had never have thought I'd be able to make anyone so happy with just four words but I could see in his eyes that he was ecstatic. "I was already trying to think of ways to convince you to stay," he said and I just stared at him. He wanted me to stay. A part of me knew I should doubt this but I couldn't, I just couldn't. I wanted to believe that he wanted me, so much. My eyes teared up then and Antonio pulled me to him once more, wrapping his arms around my petite body. I cried tears of joy into his chest as I heard him chuckle lightly before rubbing my back, trying to calm me but I felt so elated, so happy, that I couldn't relax. Eventually, sleep took me in his arms once more.
The next morning after breakfast, I went to the study and told Elena and Jeremy my decision to want to join the Pack. Elena smiled at me from the couch she was sitting on and nodded, Jeremy just nodded and welcomed me to the Pack. And that was it. I was now Pack. I would remain at Stonehaven for now though, since my training was far from over and I still had many things to learn, more so now that I was Pack.
I still couldn't help but wonder how they had accepted me. I knew good people existed in the world and the people I had met at Stonehaven were living proof of that but it still seemed so surreal to me. I was now a werewolf, a female werewolf, one of three known female werewolves in the world. My life had changed. My priority before being bitten had been to get the hell away from my family and go to uni far away from them. Now my priority was staying alive. I wasn't naïve and the Pack didn't try to sugar coat the reality of my new existence. I was in permanent danger, always, because I was a werewolf and a female.
After speaking with Elena and Jeremy, Antonio admitted to me that he had been afraid that I would leave and that something terrible would have happened to me. For the last three weeks, Tonio had looked after me like no man ever has. And that has changed me. In a small way but still. My fears and insecurities remain as does my lack of confidence in myself and my image, but they have ebbed, ever so slightly, over the last few weeks. He and every one else at Stonehaven have accepted me so quickly and without even knowing me, that it made me wonder if I had somehow done something to the people at school to have made them treat me the way they had. Perhaps I'd deserved it and I hadn't even realized it. And my mother? Every time she had looked at me she had probably seen the consequences of having unsafe sex, but I have no idea, maybe she just didn't like me or my sister. It didn't matter. I couldn't change the past, it defined who I was now, but I could form a future albeit a dangerous one in a dangerous new world, but I didn't care. I had been given a second chance. My fears and doubts remained but maybe with time I could heal the brokenness I carried inside, or maybe I couldn't, but I was going to try.
Antonio's POV
I watched her as she fought Elena in the front yard, dodging and side stepping to avoid being pinned and trying to catch Elena off balance. She had only been here for three weeks, just three weeks, and the change in her had been drastic. She trusted us and from the way she had acted when she first got here I knew that she had trust issues. She had taken a leap of faith and decided to trust us, to trust me. The wolf was strong in her, as it should be for someone who had just been bitten, but she was able to control it. Maybe it was the wolf that had helped her decide to trust us or maybe it was just her, I don't know. The important thing now was that she trusted us and she was staying.
We hadn't wanted to push her into making a decision; after all, we had all the time in the world. But the knowledge of knowing that she could decide to leave at any moment had been eating at me for the last three weeks. I have no idea what I would have done if she had decided to leave but I knew that I would have done everything in my power to keep her safe. My love for her has grown as has the bond between us. Maybe that should have convinced me that she was staying but it hadn't. Every time I left for home, I worried that I would come back to find that she had left so I had always promised her that I would be back. However, I knew that no one at Stonehaven would have permitted her to leave before she had the wolf under total control.
Nick had taken to her, of course. He treated her like a little sister, indulging her from the very first moment with the piano and then a promise to take her to New York. I should have taken that as a sign that she was staying but I hadn't. I knew better now. I could see that Kim liked Nick but I had yet to find a woman that could resist his charms. She didn't seem perturbed with his physical closeness with her. He sometimes grabbed her hand when walking beside her, like he did with Elena, but she didn't seem to mind though. The wolf in her was strong, like I said, so she understood Pack bonds, but I knew it embarrassed her when someone was watching, just like it embarrassed her for me to hug her with other people in the room.
Kim was an enigma. I could not understand what could have possible made her the way she is. Compliments on her appearance would make her blush furiously but I could always see conflict in her eyes, as if unsure whether to believe us or not. She disliked talking about her family and the place she called home, Australia. She used the piano for emotional release from what I had been able to see. She needed encouragement as well. That had become plainly obvious from the moment I had said that I was proud of her and she'd almost burst into tears. She was broken inside and her emotions were out of control at times. Jeremy had said that on their first meeting she had been calm. Even during my first encounter with her in the forest, she had been able to keep her reactions in check. Until she had said goodbye to her family. After that it seemed like her walls had come crashing down and they kind of had. The world as she knew it no longer existed but I knew there was more behind it. Her confidence was thin at best, whether because of her family or because of some other reason, I didn't know, but I wanted to help her. Now that she had decided to stay I would help her. It'd be easier if she was living with me but I wasn't sure if she was ready or if she would agree. I doubt living in a house with five men sounded appealing to her but I would give her the chance to choose but not yet.
Jeremy had finally given me permission to tell the boys about Kim but I wasn't going to say anything, not yet. Later this week, Morgan and Karl were going to come and meet Kim to begin her integration into the Pack, and then it would be the boys' turn. We were going to have to be careful with the boys though. Max probably wasn't a problem because of his sexual orientation but we couldn't be sure. Wolf instincts were hard to control at times.
The last few weeks had not been very easy at home. Though Max had accepted that I had to be away it didn't mean that he liked it. Noah and Reese were also starting to worry with me and Nick being away so much but we had told them not to worry, that nothing 'bad' had happened and that they would know in due time. Yes, one could argue that being bitten is a bad thing and it normally is because of the hell one goes through shortly after the bite. But Kim had not gone through it. She was in control of her Changes and of the wolf. Now more than ever we were convinced she had some supernatural gene in her DNA, most likely werewolf, but we hadn't told her the truth yet. We would and soon, but not yet.
I looked over at Kim again as she struggled to gain advantage on Elena to no avail. Elena had all the advantages but Kim was a natural fighter. Even Clay had been impressed. She probably reminded him of himself, though he would never admit it. She had progressed rapidly in her training, mostly because Clay was pushing her to the limits due to the bet he had made with Nick, but if she wasn't as good as she was, he wouldn't have gotten her this far. I suddenly saw Kim stumble slightly but it was enough for Elena to gain advantage and pin her. I smiled as I saw Kim accept Elena's hand up and then start again.
Yes, I loved Kim. She had become my daughter from the moment I met her but it had taken me a while to realize it. A daughter, who would have thought? I hadn't expressed my feelings though. I felt as if I might scare her away. I was always very careful around her. She seemed so delicate, inside and out, and I didn't want to hurt her. Nick had joked the other day that I was practically treating her like a princess and I kind of was. I looked over at Kim again as she dodged a blow from Elena and smiled. Yes, Nick was right, she was my princess and I would look after her no matter what.
Kim's POV
I walked down to the kitchen following the smell of pancakes hungrily. Antonio had left that morning because of some emergency at work. He had been reluctant to leave and had promised me that he would return. I wasn't sure why he kept saying that but it made me relax a bit but the doubt still remained within me. He missed his sons. I could see it in his eyes whenever he spoke about them and I wished he could spend more time with them, but he insisted on staying. I couldn't help but be silently thankful for that.
I opened the door to the kitchen, not expecting to find anyone because of the lack of voices and noises, and stopped abruptly in my tracks. I felt my mouth fall open as I stared at the scene before me. Nick was giving Elena a kiss that was definitely not allowed between friends, especially if one was married. Elena then pulled away and saw me. She looked horrified for a moment and then turned to Nick and then back to me.
"Kim," she said but I just stared at her. Elena had not seemed the type to do something like this; after all, she had children. "Kim, this, um this isn't—" She cut off as Clayton walked into the kitchen then but it didn't seem to fluster her. She kept her eyes on me as she tried to continue but Clayton cut her off.
"What's wrong?" he drawled as he grabbed a plate of pancakes and started eating, but keeping his eyes on Elena and me. I looked over at Nick to see if he seemed guilty about what he'd done but I just saw his smiling at me.
"Kim, Pack bonds, remember? I was just saying hello," he said but I just stared at him. His smile widened then as he turned to Elena who nodded. Okay, whatever. I shrugged and went straight to the island counter and grabbed a plate of pancakes, sitting in front of Clay. I was okay with his hand holding and hugging and all but there was no way I was going to let him say hello to me like that. Or I'd be putting Antonio's advice to effect and give him a good kick in the ass. My fork froze half to my mouth as I realized what I'd just thought. Since when did I give people a good kick in the ass? I shook my head and kept eating. I guess Clay's lessons were affecting me more than I cared to admit, then again, I did live in a werewolf world now. Besides, the wolf agreed that that would be the best way to handle Nick should that happen but I doubt it would. Somehow it would just be wrong for a fifty year old to stick his tongue down a nineteen year old's throat. I also suspected that Antonio would not be happy about it.
When I went for my jog with Elena later, she explained that Nick was just being Nick. That they had always been like that but it meant nothing, it was just Pack bonds. I wondered what Clay thought but he didn't seem to mind at all, so I let the subject drop. As long as he didn't do it to me, I was happy. I just wondered what the kids would think if they saw them like that. Hmm.
That night, we Changed and it was the first time I Changed with Nick and not Antonio. It was different. I was still submissive to Nick but I just lowered my head and averted my eyes. For some reason, the pull to give my full submission to him wasn't as strong as with the others. Maybe it was because I knew that in less than two weeks time I would be fighting him or because he didn't seem as frightening as Clay did. Or maybe because he was more submissive and less dominant than the others, I don't know. He was as playful as his father though. The moment I was submissive to him, he started a game of 'you're it' until Elena called us to attention to start the hunt. We didn't Change back though, once the run was over, and I awoke to find myself in between Nick and Elena. I flushed immediately at seeing Nick's perfect body and quickly looked away in case he woke up. He wasn't, as I'd already noticed, as muscled as his father but that didn't mean he didn't have an amazingly sculptured body. I also realized that he didn't have as many scars as everyone else; he had less than Elena even. The fact that everyone here had amazing bodies made me feel very inadequate but I knew that it wasn't their intention. I extracted myself from the tangle of limbs and quickly went in search of my clothes and then back to the house. The others didn't appear until I was already having breakfast with Jeremy. Thankfully, no one mentioned my morning escape and Elena nodded to me when she came into the kitchen. I figured it would be a while before I got used to the naked bodies and all and I knew that the sooner the better now that I'd joined the Pack. It wasn't the wolf that pulled me back on the subject though, it was the human and it wasn't something I could ignore. Besides, my insecurities with my body had far from disappeared.
That afternoon, Elena introduced me to the Legacy, a yellow paged, fragile looking book kept in a secret compartment that held the history of werewolves and, most importantly, the North American Pack. It contained a mix of history, lore and genealogy, dating back several centuries. As I read through it, I was once again thankful to have been bitten in this century and not in the late Renaissance, when the Alpha of the Pack had been looking for ways to have better sex and found it by killing the woman near the end. I soon reached the end of the book to find a genealogy tree of the modern Pack. The Sorrentino and Danvers family could be traced back all the way to the beginning of the Legacy, but I also found several blips near the end, that is, names with no names before or after it. I was surprised to see that they had already added me but I shrugged it off. I was Pack now. Besides me, the only other blip was Reese Williams, one of Antonio's foster sons. I found it odd that his other foster son, Noah Stillwell, was beneath a Joseph Stillwell, since Antonio had said that they'd taken him in. Elena and Clay had been blips as well, since they'd both been bitten, but underneath their names were those of their children, Logan and Katherine Danvers. Underneath Antonio, I found Max and Nick, but then something caught my attention. Beside Nick's name were the initials LKB in parentheses. I frowned at the page as I wondered what they could mean. No other name in the Legacy had anything like it.
"Elena?" I asked, calling her attention. I was sitting on the couch beside the fireplace as she worked on her laptop on another couch. Clay and Nick had taken the kids to their swimming lessons. "What do the initials beside Nick's name mean?" I asked once she had looked up. She hesitated, obviously reluctant to answer.
"Those are Nick's mother's initials," she said softly. I looked at her confused. She had already told me that during Dominic's rule as Alpha, Antonio's father, all sons that were fathered by Pack werewolves were to be taken from the mother and raised by the Pack. No exceptions. So why would Nick's mother's initials be included in the Legacy? As I continued to stare at her, she gave in and told me the story.
Antonio had fallen in love with Nick's mother when he'd been sixteen years old while at school. This was against Pack law it seems. After a year of a secret relationship, she became pregnant. Tonio had told his father in the hopes that he would understand and accept this. He hadn't, leaving Antonio one choice. He ran away with Nick's mother. While they hid, Jeremy tried to fix things between father and son and then Nick was born. Three months later, Antonio had his first Change. Elena skimmed over the details here but I got the picture. Antonio realized his mistake and one day, he took his son and left the mother an envelope of money and was never to be heard of again.
I stared at Elena in shock. I had already known how vicious and cruel previous Packs and Alphas had been but this? This was a tragic love story worthy of Shakespeare. And Antonio… I felt saddened that this had happened to him. He was so good and so full of joy; no one would think this had happened to him. Elena then asked me never to mention it to him or anyone else if possible. It was a painful subject for him. I couldn't blame him.
I realized then what Elena had meant on our first meeting in the woods. This was a man's world; at least, it had been until she had come along. The words mother, sister, daughter, grandmother and aunt had been nothing more than words in a dictionary for them. The women had been the vehicle for sex and sons, nothing more. Now, they knew better.
Two days later, Antonio came back and went to wake me in my room. The moment I saw him, I hugged him fiercely. He seemed taken aback by it but quickly returned it, chuckling. I felt so sorry for him but I wouldn't say anything. I had promised Elena. I just wished there was something I could do to take that hurt away. Though I couldn't see it, I knew it was there. I knew better than anyone that you can hide just about everything just by putting on a smile.
Later that day, I met two new Pack members, Morgan Walsh and Karl Marsten. Morgan looked to be in his late twenties and had long red-brown hair just touching his shoulders and green eyes. He had an odd accent that I had never heard before and that Elena said was from Newfoundland. He seemed pleasant but he didn't say much. My scent didn't really seem to affect him. Thank God. Karl was a guy that totally fit in to my theory that all werewolves were good looking, as did Morgan, but Karl more so with dark hair, sharp features, blue eyes and a powerful build. Another superhero for Hollywood's next blockbuster, only this one dressed in designer clothes. He took one look at me and then looked back at Elena, his face asking as if this was some kind of joke. I flushed furiously at his expression and felt Antonio's arm around my shoulders tighten. I got the feeling that he didn't like Karl very much but I couldn't be sure. Karl had come with his wife, Hope, who was also a supernatural, an Expisco, a chaos sensing half demon. She was small, with Indian features, curly dark brown hair and golden eyes. She seemed nice, well, nicer than Karl, and had been polite, gracing me with her smile during the length of her visit which contrasted with Karl's permanent sneer. The visitors left after dinner and I felt the pressure of the day lift suddenly. I always hated meeting new people, all that pressure of making the right impression and trying to be accepted. I'm not sure if I'd made the right impression with Antonio standing beside me protectively but it was too late for that. I could only hope it would go better with Antonio's sons.
Three days before I was due to fight Nick, I cracked. I should have seen it coming. I was growing anxious with each passing day as the day of the fight drew nearer. Not only that, two days after the fight I would be meeting Antonio's three remaining sons. I was tense, anxious and over emotional. The last had more to do with the fact that it was that time of the moth but still, there was nothing I could do about it.
I was training with Clay, well, fighting him actually, and Antonio was watching us from the back porch. Clay pinned me for the tenth consecutive time and I couldn't take it anymore.
"That's it," I growled as Clayton let me up.
"What?" he asked, raising his eyebrow, clearly surprised about me talking. I rarely spoke to him. Most of my doubts and questions were directed to Elena and Antonio, I very rarely spoke with Clay.
"I said that's it. I've had enough. I'm not fighting Nick so you can win some silly bet," I said, looking at the floor just in case. I was defying him, I knew it, the wolf knew, but I didn't care. Right now I felt like this whole thing was entirely useless. I stole a glance at Clay to see him frowning at me. I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder just as Antonio's scent reached me but I didn't relax. Not this time.
"What's wrong, sweetheart?" he asked softly, rubbing his fingers into my shoulder. I closed my eyes, trying to order my thoughts and feelings before finally speaking.
"This is pointless. I'm not capable of beating Nick, I'm not capable of beating Elena and I'm most definitely am not capable of beating a mutt. This training is entirely pointless. You're wasting your time," I said softly but my tone was firm. I had been pushing this fear back from the moment I had started training since I had needed a clear mind to absorb the lessons. But now all the tension and anxiety were bringing it forth and I couldn't hold it back. How stupid was I that I'd really thought that I'd be able to fight, much less beat someone? Clay looked surprised at me but I had no idea exactly what he was surprised about. Antonio's grip on my shoulder tightened for a moment and then he let go, stepping in front of me to face me. He studied my face for a moment, looking for the reason that had set this all off, but failing.
"If I say you can beat Nick it's because you can, Kim," I heard from behind Tonio. I watched as Clayton strode forward to stand beside him. He studied me for a moment before asking, "Elena hasn't told you what I did, has she?" I frowned, wondering what this had to do with the question at hand, but shook my head all the same. Antonio looked over at him, worry in his eyes, but Clay ignored him.
"When I was seventeen, I was not the best fighter. I was small as well. As you know, back then mutts would come here and challenge us but not anymore," he said and I nodded. Thirty years ago that's how it had been, but then they had stopped coming. When I'd asked Elena why that was she had refused to answer and said she'd tell me in time. He then told me what he had done. I stood frozen in my place, staring at him, and Tonio came back to me, wrapping an arm around my waist, but I barely registered him. I was trying to wrap my head around why someone would do what Clay had done. He had dismembered a mutt, piece by piece, keeping him alive until the last possible moment. He had taken photos and distributed them among the mutts to scare them off and it worked. But why had he done this? To protect his family, to protect Jeremy.
"Why are you telling me this?" I asked softly, shock still in my body. If his intention had been to make me feel better, that was the last thing he had managed to do.
"Just to demonstrate that it doesn't matter if you're not a good fighter, you just have to learn to take advantage of what you have," he said and I immediately understood. He had had the courage or stomach or whatever to do what he had to do to protect his family. He had used what he had had at the time to protect his territory. What did I have? I had no idea. Flexibility and fast reflexes Antonio had said but I doubted they were much of an advantage. "Besides, though you're not the best, you are good," Clay said then and I looked up, shocked, more than before. Did he really just say that? I stared at him, unsure if to believe him. Was he just saying that to make me feel better? Yeah, right. If I had been Kate then maybe, but I wasn't, I was Kim and I knew better. He wouldn't say something like that to make me feel better knowing it could make me cocky and do something stupid. He was saying it because it was the truth. I was a good fighter. Was it true? I sure hoped so but I would be finding out in just three days anyway.
The night before the fight, I lay awake in bed with Antonio holding me like always. Pack bonds, I now knew as I finally accepted it. I was nervous, very nervous, and I knew Antonio could feel it. I wondered if he thought it was wrong for me to fight his son but I didn't have the courage to ask him.
"How are you feeling, sweetheart?" he whispered into my hair. I knew what was coming; he had tried many times in the last three days.
"I'm okay, Tonio. I'm not backing out," I said and I heard his sigh in reply. Maybe I was being stubborn but I needed to do this. I didn't want to but I needed to do this. I needed to prove to myself that I could defend myself. I also felt the wolf's need to prove itself to its new Pack. Whether I would feel more accepted after this if I won remained to be seen.
"You know, what Clay told you the other day, it's…it's not something he speaks of lightly. The fact that he's told you means that his starting to trust you," he whispered above me and I nodded against his chest. I'd thought about this but I hadn't wanted to linger over it as the day of the fight approached. But did his trust mean acceptance? I don't know. Still, I knew that earning the trust of the most feared werewolf in North America was not something many could accomplish and I was proud that I had at least attained that.