Hitting and kicking is our kinda' love.

Renji was in a miserable pout, holding his finger up so Ichigo could put a bandaid on it. Ichigo's facial expression was sour, working his frown lines even further into his face as he snapped that his finger wound wasn't even close to needing a bandaid, not when he might have internal bleeding and still had cuts that were streaming blood. He still put the bandaid on for Renji, a red one.

Renji sniffled through his bloody nose, which had started up again when he'd sneezed too hard. Ichigo held a tissue onto his face, making him blow, and then gave him another one, making him pinch it there.

Renji didn't protest to Ichigo's rough treatment of him, knowing that he probably deserved it. Ichigo kept swatting him and cursing at him, saying that he'd kick his ass the next time he got his ass kicked. Hah. Funny.

Of course, Renji knew that Ichigo was only saying things like that because he had worried about him and was mad that he'd gotten hurt. He knew this when Ichigo brushed his matted hair gently in contrast to his constant beratement. Even as he did this, Ichigo was still pissed, and when he didn't start cooling down like he usually did, Renji eventually started trying to make excuses again for why the fight had happened. Ichigo hit him in the back of the head with a magazine to shut him up, but Renji didn't miss the fact that Ichigo would've normally used a textbook.

"Shut up. Don't fucking talk to me, you big liar. All that bullshit you said last night was just a bunch of crap, wasn't it? Wasn't it? You're just as bad as Grimmjow! You just wanna' have sex with me, huh?" For a moment, Renji wondered if Ichigo was disappointed or something. Did Ichigo want him to be in love with him? If that was so, then why had he shed so much more favor on Grimmjow, who seemed to be after only one thing?

"No!" Renji said hastily, upset that Ichigo had jumped to that conclusion again. He dropped the ice pack that he had been holding to his eye, looking up at Ichigo, feeling the beginnings of anger starting to take hold of him. "I am not a pervert! Stop saying that!"

"You wanna' be with me, so yeah, you're a pervert!" Ichigo shouted, completely fed up with this whole situation. That word made Renji wince; it got under his skin so badly. He really felt like throttling Ichigo. How many times did they have to go through this?

"No, damnit, no! It's not that kind of feeling, okay?" Renji insisted, trying to grab Ichigo. Ichigo pulled away, backing himself into a corner of the lower bunk.

"You idiot, you fucking idiot, I thought you knew what I meant yesterday! You could put a motherfucking padlock on the front of your pants if you wanted, I really couldn't care less! I don't like you how Grimmjow does. Why don't you see that? Can't you tell?" he asked desperately, shaking his head with a growl, wondering if his declaration of his affections had gotten through to Ichigo at all. Didn't Ichigo notice when he gave him those dreamy eyes?

"Then what?!" Ichigo screeched to top Renji's volume, throwing a book at him to fend him off. It hit Renji in the chest, and even though the impact wasn't much - it was a paperback - he still flopped backwards onto his ass with a heavy thud.

"Ow!" he shouted, rolling over and rubbing his bruised tailbone as he stumbled back to his feet. "What the heck? 'Then what' what? I don't know what you're-" Ichigo cut him off, more worked up and angry than Renji had seen him in a long time. In fact, he was becoming concerned that Ichigo really might blow a gasket or something, because his face was turning red and his eye was doing that twitchy thing.

"Whatever the hell you mean, you should just come out and say it, because you're making no sense!"

What Renji began saying completely stopped Ichigo in his tracks, all but putting out the flame of his fury. It hadn't fully occurred to Ichigo that Renji's 'feelings' might be emotions and not... physical arousal. Part of him started feeling very warm, and he didn't get why. His heart was pounding and his stomach was tingling, and it pissed him off, because he didn't understand it.

"Fine! I'll fucking say it, since you're too stupid to get it," Renji forced out, looking pitiful with the bandages around his poor bashed-up face. He made himself say it plainly without any shouting, anger, or insults, really wanting to make sure Ichigo understood one hundred percent this time. No, he wasn't like Grimmjow. If he was in love, he was going to say it without holding back, no games, no lies.

"I… I want you to be mine, okay? I want you to be with me! I want to take you on dates, and buy Christmas presents for your sisters, and make you fucking cookies!" Renji was getting choked up, and Ichigo just stared back at him like he'd lost his mind.

He didn't interrupt, part of his heart breaking open, letting Renji's fond emotions come inside him. Some deep, dark, sick part of him liked the fire and the pain in Renji's eyes. Some part of him deep down, way down in the morass of his endless denial… some part of him liked the idea of Renji caring that much, even if it meant it was causing Renji so much pain. What the hell did that mean? What kind of horrible person did that make him?

"Look, I consider you my family, okay? I've put you down as an emergency contact for years, and I always put down your phone number and email as a backup contact whenever I'm signing anything. It's you, you asshole. You're the one… that I w-"

"You've lost your fucking mind!" Ichigo shouted, feeling sick. Renji glared at him for a moment, but then he looked down, smiling, eyes wet.

"Heh'… yeah."

Ichigo was mortified, shocked into silence as Renji kept talking. "When I get in a car accident, I want it to be you that they call. When I have a problem, I want it to be you to comfort me," Renji said a little breathlessly, fists clenching and unclenching as he forced out the words, looking him in the eyes. Ichigo just listened, mouth open, eyes practically bugging out of his head as he fully realized just what Renji was trying to tell him.

"You've already done that stuff for years, and… would it be so different for you to keep doing it now that you know?… Now that you know that I…"

Ichigo blanched. Renji… No, it couldn't be. Renji couldn't really… feel that way, could he? Not when Ichigo hit him all the time and swore at him, getting mad over stupid things like having clothes all over the floor? Not when Ichigo lost his temper so easily, not when he could be so cruel, not when he shouted so much and said such hurtful things? Renji couldn't feel that way for him, could he?

No, he didn't deserve the look in Renji's eyes. Just look at how he'd hurt him and tossed his affections away. He didn't deserve any of this.

"I don't want things to change, don't you see? It won't be so bad… I want to keep seeing you brushing your teeth in the morning when your hair's fucked up. I want ta' keep calling you moron and fucker, and I want to keep wrestling and arguing over which super hero is better. I want to keep watching stupid TV shows at three in the morning, and eating chips, and talkin' shit," Renji rambled, voice getting louder. "I want you to keep doing that stupid thing where you shout and do that fucking scowl whenever I say something stupid. I want that."

As crazy as this was, Ichigo couldn't help but be a little touched.

"I… I want that, I want you to be my best friend just like always, I want that forever… but with more…" Renji's voice was starting to crack as he climbed onto the bed near Ichigo. "Just a little bit more. It wouldn't be so bad for you, right?"

Renji crawled forward, and with each inch he gained, Ichigo matched the distance by scooting back in alarm. Renji shook his head, fingers twitching as he reached out, slapped away roughly.

"I wanna' read ta' you, and hold your hand, and catch you frogs, and pick you flowers, you stupid-" Renji cut himself off, shaking his head, seeming to be trying to gather his courage. "Do you still not understand? It's… It's not… I love you!"

Ichigo's mouth dropped open, and he didn't know what to say, never having been at more of a loss in his entire life.

Renji just looked at him for a little while, hoping for a positive or at least neutral reaction. When he didn't find one, he grew tired of looking at Ichigo's shocked and horrified face, flopping backwards onto the mattress. He put an arm over his eyes with a dejected sigh, still-bleeding wounds getting his blankets a little dirty. When Ichigo still didn't speak, Renji began scrounging for something he could say.

"I don't feel how that snake does. I don't wanna' get in your pants, I promise. I love you… I just love you," Renji whispered. Ichigo looked at him carefully when Renji peeked his eyes out through his fingers. "Is that okay?" he asked, so plainly that it took Ichigo aback.

"Yes," Ichigo said immediately. "I mean… yeah," he said a little more casually. "If that's all it is, then… It's not like I can tell you to stop or something, so… Maybe I could get used to it."

"Wow… You… You're just perfect," Renji said dreamily. Ichigo kicked him in the shoulder, jabbing a bruise.

"Don't say weird shit ta' me," Ichigo grumbled, cheeks reddening.

Renji sat up and crawled towards him a little, frowning, attempting to preserve some semblance of his dignity. Ichigo probably thought he was a complete dork now, but maybe that was inevitable, given the pineapple hair he sported nearly ever day. "I mean… That sounded really lame, didn't it… but that's how I feel. I should get credit for honesty. What, do you think this isn't hard to say?"

Ichigo shrugged, telling him to get himself back over in that chair so he could finish with patching him up. They didn't talk for a while, Ichigo cutting Renji off whenever he tried to say something, just trying to maintain the silence for a while.

"You and your fucking hair," Ichigo muttered much more good-naturedly, not even realizing that he was smiling a little. "I can't even tell where you're bleeding from, you stupid tomato-head." Renji snorted, pointing to where the gash was.

Ichigo made him take off his shirt so he could put hot compresses on his big bruises, and he listened to his stomach for a while to check if he was bleeding internally. After that, he applied two butterfly bandaids to a cut on Renji's cheek, which had opened from an extremely rough punch. He put a regular tan bandaid on Renji's nose after setting the broken cartilage, and then shoved Renji's head a little to tell him he was done, going back over to the bed and flopping down.

Renji struggled for a while, knocking shit over as he tried to take off his clothes, moving his stiff body parts awkwardly. After about ten pitiful minutes, he got his pajamas on, crawling over to the bed. He peeked up over the edge of the mattress and poked Ichigo's leg to see if he was still awake.

"Mm," Ichigo answered blandly, eyes opening. Renji crawled up next to him, tentatively reaching out a hand.

"Can I… Can I… hold you?" Renji asked. "Just for a little bit?" he quickly added on when Ichigo stiffened up.

Ichigo sat up, staring at him suspiciously. He looked extremely standoffish about the whole touching thing, as if he were already having second thoughts about having agreed to this, but he nodded stiffly all the same, shoulders nearly up to his ears because of how tense he was. Renji didn't understand how it was easier for Ichigo to let Grimmjow touch him. Maybe this was a test.

Renji crawled all the way up to him and laid down on his back, tugging Ichigo gently to make him lay next to him. When Ichigo saw that he wasn't going to grab him anywhere or something, only touching him by having an arm around his shoulders, he relaxed a little, squirming just a mite closer. He listened to Renji's slow uneven breathing for a few minutes, allowing the touch to his head as Renji rubbed his hair cautiously.

"You really are telling the truth, aren't you… You really feel that way," Ichigo said, staring straight up at the bottom of the top bunk with stunned eyes. Renji nodded a little, sighing.

"Yeah… Stupid, huh?" Ichigo made a noncommittal noise. "It's a real pain sometimes, cause' you're pretty annoying," Renji teased. Ichigo smiled a little, ignoring Renji when he tried to tickle him.

Eventually Ichigo completely unwound, trying to move closer so they could lay a bit more how he assumed people usually would cuddle. He turned towards Renji and put his arm across Renji's middle, laying his head down on Renji's shoulder, which allowed Renji to bring his arm further around him. This was fine; there was nothing wrong with laying next to each other above the covers, right? This was fine. Ichigo kept telling himself that, closing his eyes.

Renji gave a controlled exhale, trying to contain his excitement. "This is okay, right?"

"Yeah… It's not so bad," Ichigo whispered. "It's just… weird." Renji rolled his eyes.

"But… it's not bad," he commented awkwardly, looking embarrassed. Renji's heart pulsated with warmth, allowing him to settle into the bed, no holds barred.

"Yeah, yeah, the weirdo pineapple head," Renji mumbled, tugging on Ichigo's hair a little bit. "I… Thanks," he found himself saying suddenly. "You're a really good friend."

"Why?" Ichigo asked, glancing up at him.

"Just cause'. I thought you'd move out once you knew. Or that you'd take me to the vet and tell them to cut it off." Ichigo busted out laughing, clapping a hand over his own mouth. Renji smiled, happy when Ichigo laid back down on him, head placed further on his upper chest and shoulder. He gave a little happy breath; Ichigo was so close that his hair was touching his face.

Ichigo gave a pleasant relaxed sigh that often follows a laugh attack, settling in nicely with less hesitance, seeming to be getting comfortable with it. Renji just beamed and lay perfectly still, as if he could keep Ichigo here longer by not disturbing him.

"So what's gonna' happen now, then?" Renji asked. "I know you're trading off with dates and stuff, but… I'll just go ahead and say it: it seems like it's a lot harder for you to be around me than Grimmjow… I still don't get why, exactly, but... I guess what I mean to ask is, what's gonna' happen now?"

"I guess we'll just test the waters… I guess," Ichigo repeated, not answering Renji's little comment about his discrepancies between the two of them. "I can see how it is, and then decide from there." Ichigo closed his eyes, adjusting his head on his shoulder, hair tickling Renji's cheek.

This couldn't be happening. He must be dreaming; maybe it was the bad tuna again, because there was no way Ichigo would snuggle up to him like that. This can't be real.

"Okay," Renji said, perfectly happy with any sort of chance, even though he knew that this meant that Ichigo was considering Grimmjow as well still. "I… Thanks for not completely flipping out. I was really scared that you were gonna' get a new roommate for a while there. I know that you're still kind of grossed out and antsy, but… I'm serious… I really do love you," he whispered, muttering 'yeah, yeah' when Ichigo gave a mock-gag. "I don't want you to suffer bein' with me, though, so if it's bad, you don't have to hide it. Don't push yourself."

"We'll just see," Ichigo whispered, yawning, still feeling a bit weird and uncomfortable getting held. "We'll just have to see." After about five minutes of silence and half-cuddling, Ichigo's eyes opened and he sat up a little, still letting Renji rub his back with a searching arm.

"I just got an idea. To make this better, you should just act how you would if we really did get together… Act how you'd treat me. I'll tell Grimmjow to do the same thing, but he probably won't change that much… Just… I'm telling you that it's okay, alright? You can pretend I'm… pretend I'm your…" Ichigo went pink, clearing his throat, unable to look him in the eye. Renji beamed.

"Okay," he said simply, not wanting to push his luck. "I can do that… babycakes," he teased.

Luckily, Ichigo didn't react badly; he didn't even blush that time. He just rolled his eyes and put a hand over Renji's stupid dorky mouth, laying back down next to him. "Oh shut up already." Renji just smiled, holding him, peeking through his loose hair, eyes blinking lazily.

"That's what I love…" Renji whispered, smiling in complete bliss as his eyes closed. Ichigo lay there next to him in silence, having felt his heart just crack open. Renji… Renji really just loved his friendship, didn't he. He could feel it like the slow drip of warm honey.

He knew this feeling… this would… maybe it really would be possible for him to come to love Renji in time. This wouldn't be so bad at all.

Ichigo lay there for a minute, uncertainty swirling through him, before he began to smile to himself.

"Okay, sweetheart, that sounds great," Ikkaku said into the phone, being sure not to be too loud, because Yumichika had told him to keep his voice down. Maybe his boyfriend was home.

Yumichika had invited him over for the weekend after all, and Ikkaku was extremely excited. Friday, Saturday, and Sunday all to themselves - and their homework of course, but still. This was amazing, damn was he lucky. Well, sometimes. It was either crazy good or crazy bad, and it seemed that luck were on his side today.

I heard you were giving free kisses to death.