Author's Notes: I got a death threat! ^_^ Yay! I'm one seriously messed up person that the fact that Ms.Trick threatened to kill makes me happy! But that means you really like the story! Yay! I'm so happy now! I'm so happy that I promise I will actually post the second chapter on Saturday! Actually I was thinking because my schedule is going to be getting rather chaotic in the next few days, I'm going to make steady update days. I'll still keep the list going but this way it's easier for everyone who isn't on the list and is following the story to know when to look for it. So I'm thinking maybe twice a week. Maybe like Mondays and Thursdays. Does that work for everyone? So from not on, starting next Monday, the chapters will be posted on Mondays and Thursdays, with the exception of this week where I'll post a bonus chapter on Saturday and then Monday and Thursday. I think that's fair. And yes I'm going to keep previewing chapters at the end whenever possible, like this chapter! It's nice to know that it has such a positive effect on you guys! LOL. And yes by the way I am evil and very proud of it =-). So enjoy this chapter, it's full of Spuffy goodness and of course that deliciously evil little preview I gave you all last chapter gets explained. So read on!
Chapter Ten
Tap. Tap. Tap.
Buffy came around slowly as the sounds became louder and louder increasingly more frequent. At first she had figured it was the rain beating against her glass but now she knew better. Someone was tapping on her bedroom window. "What in the bloody hell is going on?" she mumbled groggily only briefly registering that she had used a Spike word as she dragged her tired body across the room to her window. The only reason she was so tired was that she, Xander, Cordelia and Doyle had spent the majority of the day searching for a certain platinum blonde with no luck. She had only gotten into bed a mere two hours ago sighing she raked a hand through her hair and opened the window hatch. Buffy looked around for the source of the noise and was definitely surprised to see the object of their search hanging from a branch of the huge tree outside her window, thoroughly soaked to the bone by the rain. Buffy tried, and failed, not to laugh at the sight. "What are you doing?"
He huffed indignantly as though the question was completely pointless. "Waiting for you to open the bleeding window what does it look like?" he asked crossly.
"I mean why are you at my house at…." she paused and looked over her shoulder at the alarm clock, "two in the morning?"
Spike looked down at his hands. "You're right this was a mistake. See you Monday." He started to climb down and Buffy felt her heart constrict. He was obviously distressed and wanted to talk. The logical part of Buffy that kept him at arm's length was obviously on vacation as she called out to him halting his downward progress.
"No, Spike, wait," Buffy reached out the window and helped pull him into her room. He immediately started shivering. "Hold on, I'm going to get you some towels and dry clothing. Xander might have left some of his clothes lying around. I know you wouldn't be caught dead in Riley's clothes, huh?" Spike didn't answer. He just kept staring into space. She placed a hand on his shoulders and gently guided him to her bed and the went off to find the aforementioned items. When she came back he was still sitting in the same position she had left him in, staring blankly into space. "You should take those wet clothes off."
Spike made no movement to do so and it hardly seemed like he heard her at this point. Sighing, she repeated herself but he paid her no mind. She knew that he was health was already in danger. He didn't need to add a probable case of pneumonia to the matter. She moved hesitantly to peel off the wet clothing. She was shocked when he let her. He never let anyone do anything for him, with the exception of Tara and occasionally Willow, pretty much because they both threatened to hex him six ways to Sunday if he didn't stop being so damn stubborn. But Buffy was neither of them and the fact that Spike was letting her lift up the corners of his shirt so that she was dragging it over his head spoke wonders for his trust in her. She dropped the soaked t shirt to the floor and wrapped a towel around his body covering her view of his body before she did something that neither of them would really regret in the morning.
Next she reached for his pants. She blushed for a brief moment hovering over the belt buckle. But she got over it rather quickly. She had seen Xander, Angel and Doyle in various states of undress before so why was Spike presenting such a problem for her. What was so different about him?
"You could help you know, just a little," she chided gently. He came back to life and finished taking his own pants off. Once they were off though she got a good look at his boxer shorts.
"Smiley faces?" she grinned handing him one of Xander's old shirts. "Never would have thought you were a smiley face boxer type of guy."
He shrugged and had a faint smile before he finished dressing in his borrowed clothing. Buffy touched his cold cheek gently and he looked up into her eyes. There were a thousand expressions reflected in those sapphire blue eyes. The one that got her the most was the fear and pain. He was terrified and she was terrified for him. On a whim, she pulled him into her arms held him tightly. His arms slowly wound themselves around her body. Gradually she moved behind him on the bed so that he was in her arms with his head against her chest. Her fingers ran through his hair comforting him. She felt splashes on her arms and she held him tighter.
"It's alright. I'm here. I'll always be here," she soothed. She planted a gentle kiss on his bowed head. "It's okay. I promise you, Spike, we will find another way."
"There is no other way," he whimpered. "Peaches has been asking around. Seems after that night, the crazy bint knew this would happen. She's been bragging about how I would come back to her to kill the pain. She's known it for weeks but left me to suffer, it was some kinda bleeding message to the Poof. He went on the warpath. I don't think you have to worry about slaying for awhile. Unless it's me of course…."
Buffy pushed him back fiercely and looked him straight in the eye. "Don't you ever say that again! I could never do that to you." Spike growled in return.
"What do you think you're going to have to do, Buffy? You think I won't give in? You think I'm strong enough to avoid biting someone?" his voice was ragged and loud.
"You're talking like you're already giving up!"
"Maybe I have. It hurts Buffy. It hurts to just exist. My body is dying! And there is thing in me and I can feel it. It wants to kill all the people I care about. I can hear your heartbeat. I can hear your blood racing and its killing me. I'm trying to fight it but it's so damn hard!" he paused for a moment before remembering where they were. "Where are your mum and sister?"
"Mom is on a business trip, and Dawn is in her room sleeping," Buffy ran a hand through his damp hair again. She turned her head towards her closed bedroom door. "Or at least she will be the next time I open that door." There was the sound of pounding feet and a door slamming faintly down the hall. "Ah sisters. Can't live with them, mothers won't let you live without them."
She saw his eyes were focused on something on the bed next to them. She reached over and handed him the pink stuffed pig. "You still sleep with stuffed animals?"
"That is no stuffed animal," she protested. "That's Mr. Gordo. He helps me sleep when I need help clearing my mind."
"Tonight one of those nights?"
"I was worried about you," Buffy admitted. "What happened to you?"
"Tara had one of these when we were younger," Spike turned the pig over in his hands, ignoring Buffy completely. "She slept with it until we were eight. That's when dad split us up for the summer. It was just to get us trained."
Buffy looked at his eyes. They were haunted. She held onto him tightly. She remembered Xander mentioning something about Giles splitting the twins up very early in their friendship before Xander stopped telling what the bleached blonde was thinking. But she knew that a lot of who Tara and Spike were now as individuals had to do with what happened that time their father split them up. "What happened Spike? What happened to you two?"
"When we were eight, dad separated us because he wanted Tara to focus on training the natural gifts she had gotten from our mother's side of the family. So who better to help he train those powers than our mother's brother, and our father's best friend, Ethan Rayne. The powers always got one child in each generation and Tara had the bad luck that Uncle Ethan was that one.
"Dad didn't know though. I know he didn't know because if he did, he wouldn't have kept her there. He thought he was helping us. He didn't know that Ethan would do that."
"What happened?" Buffy asked him gently, breaking him out of the rambling gestures he was making. "What happened to Tara?"
"He abused her in every sense of the word. He abused her magic and when he wasn't doing that, he beat her. He hit her because she wouldn't do certain spells. He pushed her too far once. She almost, he made her almost kill someone."
Buffy found herself drawn into the story and she was hanging on his every word. Up until this point she realized that she knew very little about her friends' lives prior to their moving to America. She knew their mother was dead and their father was Giles, but that was about it. But now to know that they had such a dark history, made her want to cure Spike more than ever. She wanted to ease his torment and have him stop telling the story but curiosity won over and she asked, "Who? Who did she almost kill?"
"Me." Buffy was sure by now that she had stopped breathing. "I knew she was in trouble, some sort of twin thing and I had managed to convince dad of that as well. Ethan took control of her body and tried to make her kill me. It almost worked but she fought him off. She was in a bloody coma for a week but she fought it off. After that she just wasn't the same. She was so quiet."
He sighed and burrowed his face closer to her. "She is so afraid that everything is going to come crashing down on her and I am so afraid that the real world will break her. I can't loose my sister. I love her too much to do this to her. I don't want to her to see me like this, Buffy. I don't want her to have to see these." He opened his mouth and revealed that his canines were significantly longer than they were before. Buffy resisted the urge to touch them. He closed his mouth and stared at her through pain filled blue eyes. "I don't want her to think I am a monster."
"She won't," Buffy swore. "She never could. Because you're not! She loves you as does Giles. We all do. Because you are a beautiful person with or without those fangs." She didn't know how she could ease his pain when it was so obvious. "You should get some rest. Or at least try. I know you didn't get much this afternoon." He nodded mutely and let Buffy lay him down. He was surprised when the Slayer slipped underneath the sheets with him. She shifted so that his head was resting on her chest. "I'm not going anywhere, Spike. I'm with you till the end." She ran a hand through his hair and he closed eyes.
She murmured comforting things to him in low hushed tones until she felt his body relax and his breathing even out. She knew that he had fallen asleep at last and she felt her heart go out to him. As she lay there thinking, the door to her room cracked open a bit and she saw Dawn watching her with wide eyes. They have the same eyes, Buffy noticed. That's why they look so similar. She smiled softly at her sister and motioned for her to enter.
"Is Spike okay?"
Buffy blinked trying to find the words to say this. Finally she decided to tell the truth. "No, honey, Spike isn't alright but we're going to make sure that he is." Dawn's lower lip trembled and tears spilled from the blue orbs. "Come on, maybe you can be here when he wakes up. Maybe he won't feel so bad then."
Dawn nodded happy to feel wanted and crawled into the bed beside Spike. She laid her head on his chest and Buffy wrapped an arm around them both. She noted how innocent they both looked when they slept. They both had the same half curved smile when they slept. The more she thought about the more Dawn reminded her of Spike physically. And having them both sleeping in her bed, drawing from her strength made her feel so… complete and right.
Buffy lifted her arm and traced a finger over his face remembering the times when he used to be so warm and full of life. "I won't let you die," she promised. "I will find a way to fix this." A slight smile crossed his lips and that was the last thing before she too fell asleep.
The next morning Spike awoke to find a Summers girl on each side. A slight grin formed on his lips that faded quickly when he saw the clock. It had been almost twenty four hours since he had walked out the library. His dad must be crazy with worry. He knew this yet he couldn't force himself to get up. He felt safe there. He felt like nothing could hurt him, like he was where we he belonged. He took advantage of the situation knowing that it would probably never happen in the conceivable future, even if by some miracle they found a cure for his condition. He traced patterns over her skin softly. She was so beautiful and though it pained him that they could never be together at least he got to be the one holding her tonight.
Buffy stirred slowly and smiled at him. She noticed the hand that he was trying to pull away quickly and slowly brought up her own. Her hand covered his. "Hey there."
"Hey," he replied just as quietly, with the same smile forming on his mouth. "Sorry about last night. I just didn't have anyone else that I felt I could do that in front of. Xander probably would have freaked out and I don't want to lay anymore burdens on my family, you know."
"Don't feel bad about that. I really don't mind. I'm just glad that you trust me enough to relax in front of," Buffy shifted again so that she and Spike were lying face to face with Dawn spooning Spike's back.
"Thanks, Slayer. Honestly. You have been a very good friend to me," Spike let their fingers intertwine and gave them a light squeeze. "I don't know what I would do without you, luv."
"Be happy you'll never have to find out," Buffy grinned. Spike felt himself smiling back even more. "Spike, there is another reason that I want you to make it."
"What's that, luv?"
"I need you to get through this because…" Buffy trailed off. There was no way she could vocalize what she was feeling at this moment. She let go of his hand and ghost traced the curves of his face. The logical part of her that protested everything having to do with Spike faded away at that moment. The part of her that knew what she felt for this man took over. And then suddenly….
"Is this the part where the two of you kiss?" a not so innocent voice piped up from behind Spike. Buffy moaned and cursed the day she was ever given a little sister. Spike turned around with a groan at the ruined moment. He rolled right on top of the intruder. "Hey, you're crushing me!"
"Is that a promise?" Spike asked as he continued to roll around on his back. Once he stopped, he craned his neck to look at the girl. "Want to go see Tara with me? I'm sure having the pint size there will keep them from freaking out too much."
When Spike arrived home later that afternoon he found that a full blown research party had been in effect. Angel was the only survivor of the evening's activities as he was the one who needed the least amount of sleep. Xander's head was tucked nicely in between the pages of the book he was reading. Willow and Tara were curled together on the couch with a book between them. Giles was sitting at his desk also pouring over a book. There was a half eaten pizza lying on the coffee table near the sleeping forms of Cordelia and Doyle. Buffy wondered where Riley was idly.
"There you are," Angel said once he saw Spike, Buffy and Dawn come in. his hands on his hips as he glared at the platinum blonde. "We've all been worried sick about you!" Giles was still at his desk laughing at the reaction the vampire was having. It was true, they all had been worried, none less than Angel. But he had had a feeling that his son would wind up at the Slayer's house and so had taken that energy and focused it on researching a cure.
"I know! I know! Look I'm sorry that you all were worried, Peaches," Spike smiled a bit sheepishly. "I had a might bit of a fright on my way home last night from my little walk. I bit my tongue and realized I had these." He tilted his head back revealing his fangs. Angel moved closer and inspecting them and made an approving noise in the back of his throat that caused Spike to snap his jaw shut and send him a pointed glare. Angel, however, frowned in response.
"Your transformation is almost at the point where it's going to get critical. You have to make a decision soon Spike."
Spike sighed. "I know." He sat down in a chair and put his head down on his arms. He felt a warm hand on his shoulder and looked up into the eyes of his father. He took a glance over at Buffy, and then his other friends who were slowly waking up.
"I know why you ran away but I do hope that you will trust me as much as you trust your friends," Giles said calmly. "I know you have always been the strong one, Will, but I am going to be there for you this time. I am going to be the strong one and you can just be my son for now."
Spike's eyes began to tear up as he nodded. Giles pulled his grown son into a tight hug and clung to him desperately. "Dad, it hurts so badly. I'm scared." Giles immediately knew he was talking about the blood thirst. From the feeling of the boy's body, he wondered how long he had been fighting it off. How long had he been confused as to what was going on with his own body, alone with no one to help him? No wonder he was so exhausted all of the time. But, Giles knew it was only going to get worse before it got better, if it ever did.
*Preview of Chapter Eleven:
Buffy closed the book with a small grunt of shock. I'm a demon, she thought. Well that would explain a lot, I guess. Any further thoughts were postponed by the cry of pain from upstairs. She raced up to Spike's bedroom anxiously. Giles was sitting next to his son's bedside trying to help ease the pain. But even Buffy could tell there wasn't anything else left that they could do. Spike's normally blue eyes were red rimmed from a mixture of the blood lust and tears. She never wanted to see him like this again.
"I saw Tara flying out of here earlier. Figured we'd let her go. She is probably just going to Willow anyway," Buffy said quietly sitting beside her watcher. "What got her so upset?"
"I called Angel," Giles admitted after Spike had drifted off into a restless sleep.
Buffy's eyes widened at the implications of Giles's statement. "You are going to turn Spike?"