Chapter 10
Moments of Calm
Hear the rattle of the harness
Where the Persian darts bounced clear,
See their chariots wheel in panic
From the Hoplite's leveled spear.
Through a Glass, Darkly
General George S Patton, Jnr
When Garrus finally left Sidonis to tend to Gaius in his rooms, the turian found himself stuck in a haze of muddled emotions and thoughts as he made his way back to the Normandy.
After a unnecessarily long and arduous journey, he rejoined Shepard who predictably asked after Gaius.
She doesn't know, was all Garrus could think while his mouth more sensibly mumbled something about the hybrid being asleep.
Jane smiled warmly at the thought of Gaius actually sleeping. "He deserves some rest," she mused. "You know I don't think that he slept for more than 3 or 4 hours at once when I was on the Ad Astra."
Garrus merely hummed in reply as he drew her into his arms and embraced her - all the while careful to not crush her too close.
She gazed up at him with her bright green eyes full of concern. Shepard knew something was wrong. "Are you alright? Has something happened?"
"Nothing. It's just that life's so damn complicated sometimes. And, you know I did come pretty close to dying today."
Shepard lowered her head and pressed her right cheek against his chest. "I know you did. You're always so over-confident about these things." She looked back up with flickers of her good humor lighting up her eyes. "Has it finally hit home with you that death is actually a permanent condition?"
Garrus chuckled. "Says the human who came back from the dead."
"I'm a special case."
He hummed, "That you are."
Garrus pressed his forehead against hers. "Thank you so very much by the way."
"For what?"
"For choosing me. Although it's not like you had much of a choice to begin with now that I think about it."
Shepard chuckled. "I didn't pick you. If I'd had a choice over who I fell in love with, I definitely would've picked someone who couldn't inspire my body with love filled anaphylactic shock. Although kudos to you on not being allergy inducing."
Garrus stroked her chin playfully and laughed. "I know you're joking so thanks. I'd pick you too."
He lay awake that the night with Shepard fast asleep and curled in close to him.
Jane had laughed at him as he made sure to not press his body weight against her, instead supporting himself on his arms while she wriggled and contorted beneath him. She eventually had enough of his carefulness and dragged him back down on to her repeatedly and so intently that Garrus eventually just rolled over onto his back and let her take charge.
Shepard in the aftermath had fallen asleep on top of him as the sweat slowly dried off her skin. It didn't take too much maneuvering on Garrus's part to settle her in beside him.
And yet, after all that, he still couldn't sleep.
His mind was torturing him with the child he had seen in the flash of light that signaled Parnitha's arrival on the station.
Every-time he attempted to close his eyes the boy was there, staring at him in that blasted room with such bloody wounds that Garrus couldn't heal.
Finally, Garrus couldn't take it anymore and he slowly untangled himself from Shepard.
He dressed as quietly as he could before he left Jane a quick note as he headed out.
Garrus quickly discovered he wasn't the only one with sleeping issues.
He brought Tali some dextro tea down in engineering and chatted - well, teased really - for a while. She was still a bit shaken by the past few days but Tali was strong. Garrus had no doubt she'd recover fast enough. The mountain of work she had still ahead of her helped with taking her mind off it.
Shortly after leaving her, Garrus ran into an insomniac Vega sporting eyes popping with bright red veins. The pair traded insults and embellished stories before the marine headed off to sleep with some sedatives prescribed from Chakwas.
Garrus thought about going to the good doctor and getting some for himself but ultimately decided against it.
He would rather be as fully aware of everything as he was now.
Garrus finally left the safety and familiarity of the Normandy.
As he passed through the docking bay, Garrus couldn't help smiling at the antics of the night-shift engineering crew - the small group joking around with each other while reinforcing the battered looking hull.
From what Garrus could see, they were doing a pretty good job of it already.
Once in the maze of corridors that lay just beyond the bay door, Garrus managed to retrace his steps enough to find his way back to the main mess hall.
It was empty. Not a soul around although considering the time it was to be expected.
Garrus made some coffee before he took a seat next to one of the main view-ports, this particular one with a good view of Kurinth.
The planet turned ever slowly on its axis as it orbited its parent star. Garrus thought of Parnitha, of a sun that lived.
Over the years, Garrus had had to adjust his galactic view a number of times - mostly on the missions with Shepard he realized.
But this one was huge. To understand that a star, a giant nuclear reactor in space, had a consciousness? To realize that they existed in a way completely different to the way the rest of the galaxy did?
It was going to take time to adjust to this new reality.
Garrus nearly jumped out of his plates when his quiet meditations on Parnitha was rudely interrupted by a cup landing on the table with a loud click.
Tiberius took a seat opposite him with a foul smelling coffee that Garrus recognized as being a salarian variety.
"Didn't see you coming in," Garrus said while recovering from the shock
Tiberius waved his hand idly. "No one sees me. That's my profession."
"Oh?"
The hybrid chuckled. "I would be a poor infiltrator, Vakarian, if I couldn't infiltrate."
Garrus's mouth-plates wrinkled together at corners as he fought back a smile.
"So it was a busy day then," Tib said with raised brow-plates and a look in Garrus's direction as if he knew something of what had been said in Sidonis's rooms.
Garrus replied quickly, "Yes. Not quite what I thought it would be."
His companion took a long sip of his own coffee before he stared at the void separated from them by glass and shielding.
Garrus kept his own gaze firmly locked on the hybrid. "So I hear that you and Gaius have been friends for a long time."
Tib nodded slighly, not moving his eyes away from whatever it was that had their attention. "Yeah. Since we were small. Parents knowing parents and all that."
"You grew up on Omega then?"
"Actually no. I was raised on Palaven. Lived with my dad for years until I was fifteen."
"Why fifteen?"
"Because that's the age when I was refused permission to join the military."
Garrus's browplates raised in surprise. "They refused you?"
"That's a long story. Omega and the hybrid issue had been a long-standing thorn in the Hierarchy's side at that stage. My application was declined for many reasons - political issues included. My father was good at a lot of things but politics was not high on that list. When I was rejected, my father took it as a personal insult to him. We left and headed to Omega. He did a lot of good out there."
"It must have been hard on him... on you," Garrus said quietly.
"Not so much on me. I could at least be who I was on Omega without fear of being picked on. It was worse on my father. I tried my best but I always knew the score. My dad was career military and he had left his home, the place he spent his entire life defending so that I could have something better. So when I was twenty I asked him to go back to Palaven. We fought about it for months before he finally retired there. He still had plenty of friends and family who would welcome him back with open arms but not if I was in tow."
Tiberius's gaze finally left the stars and flickered over to land on Garrus. "He made me promise to come to visit as often as I could and keep in touch - a call twice a week at the least."
"Sounds like you both were close."
"We were but now he's gone. Gaius is probably the only family I have left. Weeell, there's Lantar too but don't tell him that. It would ruin our love/hate dynamic."
Garrus grinned before he turned his head so he could better view the planet that spun every onwards.
"I had heard a few of the crew calling Lantar 'Father.' He didn't have that many kids, did he?"
Tiberius barked out a laugh. "Spirits no! To be honest, a good chunk of the kids that would turn up on Omega didn't have families or had been dumped there by parents who didn't want them. It became a serious issue."
"Dumped?"
Tib gestured again with his hand. "People get scared, Vakarian. It's what happens. Anyway, Kate - Lantar's wife - suggested something like a boarding school to the ruling council. That way the kids could attend school like all the others and have a secure home at the same time to stay with all that they needed. She became the first headmistress. The kids used to call her 'Mom' and she never discouraged it. She used to tell me that she loved it when they did because it meant that they knew that they had someone they could go to for help. Lantar was always around doing odd jobs - just generally helping out when he wasn't off with the security forces. He sorta fell into the father role. I suppose it all came naturally to them. All the kids that grew up there refer to them as their parents."
"They sound like they were a great couple," Garrus replied with a smile.
Tiberius chuckled. "They were. Lantar and Kate Sidonis pretty much held that place together in the early days. Omega could have failed - had a million chances to in all honesty - but Kate especially refused to let it. She was a strong woman."
"I imagine she was - to put up with Sidonis, I mean."
Tiberius roared out with laughter. "Lantar was a push over when it came to Kate. With the boys, he was strict and kept them in line. With Kate, she could knock him over with her little finger."
Tiberius leaned back and stretched, letting out a long drawn out yawn at the same time.
"So what keeps you awake, Tiberius?" Garrus chuckled, taking in the hybrid's obvious exhaustion.
"Oh, this and that. Information gathering has its own price to be paid and that's long hours of trawling through crap to get to the good stuff."
"Anything on Antaeus?"
"Nothing yet. I'm hoping the cultists we're after are still having transport issues. They've an old Grav Point engine to travel with and you've seen how much trouble we're having with our one since we arrived here. The experimental drive is far too unstable to be useful."
"Why don't they just detonate it? Surely one spot is the same as any other."
"I've wondered about that too. Still working on an answer. In the mean time, I've to be the eyes and ears of this ship on the rest of the galaxy."
They stayed chatting amiably until the shift changeover which was announced with the rushing past of several crew, all looking haggard and disheveled as if only just awake.
Just as Tiberius got up to leave, Garrus asked him one last question, "What's Gaius's favorite breakfast? I'm planning on dropping up some food to him to say thanks for saving me yesterday."
Tiberius laughed. "Wow. I think I'll have to save you next time if it means breakfast being delivered instead of fighting for scraps with the varren on this ship. It's brichia. He could eat that stuff all day long. There should be some around here in the kitchen. Good luck with that."
Garrus offered his thanks then quickly messaged Sidonis to see if they were awake.
When he got an affirmative, he headed into the kitchens to find what he needed.
When Garrus finally reached the cabin, he found Sidonis lounging in his office chair while sipping some tea as he reviewed a datapad.
The object of Garrus's attention was leaning back on the couch with damp cloth over his face. Gaius was obviously still not feeling great.
"Morning, guys." Garrus said as cheerfully as he could while carrying the plate filled with sweet brichia.
Sidonis looked up from his work. "Good morning. You are quite cheerful today."
"Everyday alive is a good day," Garrus quickly replied before slowly approached the prone figure on the couch. "Is he okay?"
Sidonis glanced over at the prone Gaius. "He's fine. The pain medication they use can give painful headaches the day after."
The hybrid eventually moved slowly and sat upright. He dragged the damp cloth off his face. "They're not particularly pleasant. Fantastic when you're in pain but not so much afterwards" he muttered.
He squinted up at Garrus - his eyes red and puffy. "Can I smell brichia?"
Garrus nodded. "Brought some breakfast up for the guy who saved my life yesterday."
The hybrid stood up unsteadily and looked strangely at him. "Hmm. Thanks." Gaius scratched his head. "Wasn't quite expecting that. I mean thanks but there was no need - holy crap that does smell good."
He headed over to the table where Garrus had placed the plate and started looking over the food.
"Don't eat it all in one go. I don't want you getting sick all over my room." warned Sidonis.
Gaius, only half listening - started to pull apart the brichia in large chunks.
He stopped suddenly and glanced at the others. "Sorry. My Mom would kill me for my manners. Do either of you want some?"
Garrus shook his head and Sidonis spoke, "I've already eaten but thank you."
Gaius sat down and started to wolf down the food, his teeth tearing at the dough. Garrus took a seat next to Sidonis. "When do you think we will be jumping to Antaeus?"
"I was actually about to contact Shepard to tell her. The engineers are hopeful that we can make the first jump in about 10 hours."
Garrus nodded vacantly as his full attention was on the busily eating Gaius.
His hands were still bandaged but he seemed to be using them far better than he had been the day before.
As Garrus stared, he began to spot things he'd not noticed too much before - such as a very definite crack at the edge of the brow plate that covered Gaius's left eye and the, now huge to his eyes, dent in the upper part of the hybrid's nose.
There had obviously been some reconstruction but they hadn't fully repaired it.
Garrus got that vague uncomfortable feeling of someone watching him before he realized that Sidonis was in fact staring at him in the same way that he was at Gaius.
He coughed awkwardly. "So, Gaius... How old are you? I don't think I caught your age..."
Gaius looked up confused. "No one has actually asked. I'm about a year older than Tiberius."
Lantar laughed heartily. "Still not an age. You should take a guess, Garrus."
"I dunno, early 30's."
The hybrid burst out laughing. "I suppose I act like a damn youngster. I'm actually 42."
Garrus' eyes widened in shock. "There's no way you're 42."
Gaius gave a grin before continuing his breakfast.
With no response forthcoming from him. Garrus instead turned to Sidonis. "Tell me that's not true..."
"Oh it's true. When you think about it, I'm heading towards seventy. I think the stress of dealing with certain people who shall not be named helped me look far older than my actual age."
They both heard Gaius give a loud snort. "All lies, Vakarian."
Sidonis barked out a laugh before he handed Garrus a datapad. "That's for you. I suspect the Commander will be having you step out on most of the missions as her stand in. It has some omnitool codes for relevant personal on the ship."
Garrus took the pad but didn't spare it a glance. He still was in shock at Gaius's age. "You're really 42?"
Gaius stopped munching on his breakfast for a moment. "Well, I could be wrong but my birth record was fairly clear on my birth date," he muttered before he went back to eating.
Sidonis turned and whispered close to Garrus's ear, "He's exactly like you and does not show his age."
Lantar straightened up before he addressed Gaius. "Right, I've work to do and some engineers to harass. Gaius, you make sure that you get to that appointment in an hour with Mikis to see about those hands then you're to work with Garrus for the day."
Gaius looked at Sidonis in shock, the brichia piece he was eating almost falling out of his mouth. "What?!"
"The Commander put in the request nearly two weeks ago at this stage for you to be working with Vakarian. Something about setting an example to the rest of the crew. She has talked to you about that, right?"
"Yeah but I didn't think..."
"Well then this isn't such a surprise! You'll report to the Normandy and Commander Shepard once your appointment with Mikis is over."
Sidonis playfully scratched the top of his son's head as he passed.
"I'll see you later for dinner. Enjoy your day. I look forward to hearing all about it."
Sidonis strode out, smirking to himself as he got in the elevator.
Gaius put the piece of brichia he was eating back on the plate.
He looked up to Garrus staring at him. The turian gave a rueful smile.
Gaius nearly rolled his eyes. Instead he let out a sigh of resignation. "Well, bollocks. That was unexpected."
"I'm not that bad to work with. I could use a hand getting the armory sorted and get a start with calibrating the-"
"Yeeeaaah, I'll handle the guns and you can do the computer work."
Garrus's right eyebrow raised.
Gaius picked up the leftover brichia and tore a chunk out with his teeth before continuing. "I'm useless at calibration, computers or anything like that. I can jury-rig a gun into doing practically anything but work a computer? Nope."
Garrus's mouth hung open.
He slowly closed it then murmured, "Well that's definitely going to change."
Three hours later and Gaius was firmly ensconced on the metal floor in the Normandy armory.
Garrus had to admit that Gaius knew his way around weapons.
Most of the work that Shepard had laid out for the two of them were either completed or on the last steps of it.
The time had mostly passed with them in silence with Garrus spending a lot of it watching Gaius and how he worked.
Garrus was fairly certain that some behaviors don't get passed on by genetics but Gaius performed certain tasks in the same way his own father would. Garrus even recognized a few as his own habits.
His logical brain made sure to remind him that he could just be reading a lot into it.
With a heavy heart, he did recognize that Gaius took very much after Lantar with a hefty proportion of how the hybrid worked almost certainly replicated from Sidonis and his own style that Garrus remembered from their time together on Omega.
It was no wonder since he'd come to realize how much Gaius worshiped his adopted father.
That stung. It shouldn't, he knew, but it did. Not that long ago he wouldn't have hesitated to put a bullet in Sidonis's head.
He didn't know what to think any more.
Garrus found himself more and more having to remember Sidonis's words of how this was not his son.
That boy was still growing safe in his mother.
Garrus's omnitool chimed, breaking the silence with a familiar tune. "Shepard, what do you need?"
"Nothing big but Chakwas just called for me to come down for my results at long last! I was hoping you wanted to join."
Garrus could see out of the corner of his eye that Gaius had stilled. He'd heard that part of the conversation too. "Definitely. When are you going?"
"In about 30 minutes. That should give you time to finish up whatever you're at."
"No problem. I'll meet you there."
He returned to his work and noticed that Gaius was now quite distracted.
Gaius completed the strip down and clean of the last rifle in almost record time then placed it back into its rack.
"I guess I'm done . It's been fun, Vakarian."
"Running off so soon?"
"There's a tone of other stuff I should be doing on my ship - like helping Tiberius for one. I understand Shepard's reasoning behind this but I don't think our crews need an example to help them work together."
He pointed out the armory window at Vega who was teaching a couple of the repair workers some sort of dance. "I think he does a better job anyway."
"Maybe you're right. How about you and the others join me and Shepard for dinner? You, Tib and... Sidonis perhaps? Any day you're free is fine."
Gaius stared blankly at him for a moment before turning the gaze out the window. "That's not a good idea. I'm not a particularly social person despite how I may seem. Thank you however. I'll let Tib and Dad know. I'm sure they'll be in touch."
Garrus deflated a little, his mandibles clicking anxiously. "Just consider it at least. The offer is there."
The turian extended his hand and offered a handshake. Garrus took it. "Thanks for a fun few hours, Vakarian. Be seeing you around."
"You too."
He watched Gaius leave. "Be seeing you real soon." he murmured.
"You're too soft," Garrus sighed.
"You never minded my softness before."
"You weren't ever pregnant before."
Shepard lay back on the bed and smiled as Garrus caressed her abdomen. They'd been back from the med bay only an hour and it was all just really sinking in.
"You know you can go and find yourself a nice turian girl to have a baby with if you want."
Garrus grinned but didn't look up from his caressing of her belly. "I think it's too late for me to be looking for another woman. One has kinda taken my eye and for quite a long time too."
He pressed his palm down gently on the lower part of her abdomen. "So he's just in here right? I mean I triple checked the scans in the med bay and everything but just... right here?"
Shepard placed her own hand over his. "Yep. Just right there."
Garrus frowned deeply. "Way to soft for my liking. And unprotected. Gonna have to fix that."
"Garrus..."
"I'll make something. You don't mind wearing body armor for the pregnancy do you?"
Shepard pulled his face up to look at her. "I would mind."
"But it's for the baby..."
"I'll go insane. It's only going to be another three months according to Chakwas then he will be out. What will you do then? Make a mini suit of military grade armor for him?"
Shepard immediately regretted saying that as Garrus's face lit up with inspiration. "That's actually a great idea. I should get right on that. I've enough scrap pieces lying around to do it. Hell, if I customize it right it could last him till he's about 5 or 6."
Shepard started to laugh at the absurdity of it all with her abdomen flexing and shaking. Garrus panicked a little and stared at her body with concern. "Are you sure that isn't actually hurting him?"
"The baby's fine. I'm fine and that's how its going to be for the next three months. Humans have had babies since god knows when and I'm certain of the fact that I've the added benefit of several thousand nanites working tirelessly day-in and day-out checking on me and the little guy."
She kissed him softly. "So get over it, bigger guy. I'm gonna be wearing all my soft, squishy and non-armour plated clothes on the ship whether you like it or not."
"You're still banned from missions, Shepard."
Shepard opened her mouth to protest in jest but thought better of it. Garrus was becoming quite upset, his mandibles clicking rapidly against his face.
"Fine. No missions. I'll just oversee from the Normandy."
He gently placed his hand again over her belly. "We could get you back to Earth, or even Palaven? We can drop you off then the rest of us go complete the task with Sidonis. Get you settled somewhere nice for the birth."
"You're worrying too much."
Garrus pulled her close and put their foreheads together. "I would have thought that too when we'd nothing really to lose."
"Nothing? There was a whole galaxy, home-worlds, family... for you anyway."
Garrus cupped her cheek. "And now I'm gonna be expanding that last one. You know I was joking about kids when we were in London. Didn't think your nanites would take that talk to heart."
Shepard smiled. "Its... strange. I never saw myself as a mom. I still can't."
"Same here. Especially the mom part although I'm sure I would look fabulous in one of those asari dresses. I do have a lovely waist or so I've been told."
Shepard laughed before it suddenly ceased, giving way to a heavy sigh as the happiness drained from her face.
"You okay there?"
"I'm fine." Shepard mumbled.
She eventually dragged herself up, ignoring his little tugs on her arms to pull her back, and got off the bed.
She sat on the edge and stared at the empty fish tank. "I should probably get more fish."
Garrus sat beside her and hesitantly reached for her hand. "Yeah. Or maybe you could hold off on your slow genocide of aquatic species for awhile."
Shepard smiled. "Maybe I could."
There was something in her face that Garrus had never seen too often.
Fear. Jane was afraid.
After a few minutes of silence, Shepard got to her feet and headed for the bathroom.
Garrus initially went to follow after her but ended up being promptly lectured about how pregnancy was not the same as being disabled.
Instead he went and sat back down on the bed and opened his omnitool.
He grinned when he realized that Chakwas had finally sent him copies of the scan images.
Garrus quickly opened the files and sighed.
There he was. The tiny shape just becoming turian.
Garrus could make out the tiny nubs protruding on the back of small head where his fringe would be. Small and delicate looking hands with all their fingers on full display.
It was the face that tugged Garrus's heart mercilessly. It was almost perfect but in miniature with the plates still not formed.
Around this little creature were nanite structures. It was like looking at a space dock with support structures criss-crossing around him.
Constant surveillance is what Chakwas had said. The nanites were constantly checking his genes, his development and his mother's health.
Flicking through the files he found a small video.
Garrus debated whether to wait for Shepard but in the end his curiosity was too great.
He pressed play.
Chakwas had recorded the scan in real-time.
The little infant yawned, blinked his still unseeing eyes and wrinkled his nose. His stubby hands flexed and stretched as his feet curled and kicked out.
Garrus chuckled as the baby let out a sigh from his liquid filled lungs, expelling little particles and completely unprepared nanites that then rushed back inside.
Maybe tonight when he closed his eyes he could see this little boy instead.