Author's Note: Ok so I have been doing some research on this. The setting of this story is now in 2012 because the guys are 19 and in the show they are sixteen so they were born in 1993. Anyway last night I was listening to tributes to the soldiers oversees and this idea popped into my head. This chapter really means a lot to me because my stepdad is overseas in Afghanistan and was in Iraq before that. Also my grandfather fought in Vietnam and ended up killing himself because of it. Most of my family is still in denial because it was a car accident and I only found out about it a few months ago from my uncle because I was real young. Sorry for the long author's note. I hope you all enjoy this chapter.
Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush or their songs. Nickelodeon and Sony-Columbia Records do. Jo Dee Messina and her record company own Heaven Was Needing a Hero not me. Carrie Underwood and her record company own Just a Dream not me. I do not own My Immortal, Evanescence and her record company do. I do not own Never Let Go, Bryan Adams and his record company do. Sorry about the long disclaimer. I do not own the Staples Center. If I missed anything I DO NOT OWN IT!
James's POV
It has been a week since Katie got the e-mails. Tomorrow is Saturday, so we are performing at the Staples Center. We have been really busy working, and I have been shooting for my new movie the past week. On Monday we are going to start the TV series on Big Time Rush and the story behind us. So we have to fly to Minnesota to shot the first episode on Sunday.
It was noon and I was getting hungry. Katie and I were the only ones home because all the guys went on dates with their girlfriends. Kendall and Jo went to the pier. Carlitos and Hannah went to the movies to see some new scary movie. Logan and Camille went to the planetarium. I swear, Logan does not know what a date is.
I walked upstairs to my room. The door was shut and I heard muffled crying and singing. I opened the door and peaked in. Katie was on the bed, playing the guitar singing a song while she was crying.
"Hey Katie what's wrong?" I asked her getting on the bed.
"James what day is it?" she said looking up. Her makeup was running down her face.
"It's the thirteenth- ooooooooo," I said as I hugged her.
Katie's POV:
~Flashback~
It was March, 2003.
"Honey I got my orders we are invading March twentieth," my dad said.
"What about the kids? They are so young," Mom said.
"There is nothing I can do. I have to go. Kids come on out. I know you are there," Dad said. Kendall and I walked out from around the corner and into the kitchen.
"I think we all need to sit down," Mom said. We all went to table and took our seats.
"Kids I have to go soon. I have to fight for our country. Like the other soldiers you know in Afghanistan," Dad said.
"No daddy! Please stay here with us. You don't have to go," I said.
"I do honey. I am so sorry," he said walking over to me and picking me up.
"I'll be home as soon as I can I promise," Dad said.
~End of flashback~
~Flashback~
It was Christmas Eve. I woke up to the sound of the house door opening. I ran to Kendall's room.
"Kendall Kendall, Santa is here," I whispered excitedly.
"Let's go see him," he said getting out of bed. We walked downstairs. There was a man standing there in camo. He turned around.
"Daddy!" I screamed. Mom came running down the stairs.
"Merry Christmas guys," Dad said hugging us.
"You're home for good right," Kendall asked. My dad shook her head.
"No kids I am only here for two weeks then I have to go back," said Dad.
~End of flashback~
~Flashback~
Dad has been gone for almost a week. A car pulled into the driveway. They were all dressed in uniforms.
"Mommy! Some army guys are here!" I yelled. She went to open the door.
"Mam may we come in," asked one of them. She let them in and went to the couch.
"Ma'am? May we come in? I am your husband's commander. Before I tell you this I am so sorry. Your husband was killed yesterday in combat. You husband served the United States Army well, and I am so sorry for your loss," the commander said.
"Kids go upstairs now," Mom said. Three days later we are at the cemetery.
~End of flashback~
~Flashback~
It was January 13, 2003. We were in the family car going to the cemetery. James, Carlos, and Logan rode with us because we considered them family. We took our seats. The hearse pulled up and the honor guard walked up and carried a casket draped with a United States flag next to the grave. They performed the twenty-one gun salute.
"The honor guard will now perform the flag folding ceremony. The first fold of the flag is a symbol of life," the commander said as they performed the first fold.
"The second fold of the flag is a symbol of the people's belief in the eternal life," he said as they performed the second fold.
"The third fold of the flag is made in honor and remembrance of John Knight who gave a portion of life for the defense of the country to attain peace throughout the world," he said as the honor guard performed the third fold.
"The fourth fold of the flag represents people's weaker nature," he said as they folded the flag for a fourth time.
"The fifth fold of the flag is a tribute to the country," he said and they performed the fifth fold.
"The sixth fold of the flag is for where people's hearts lie. It is with hearts that people pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of American, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all," he said.
"The seventh fold of the flag is a tribute to the Armed Forces, for it is through them that the people protect the country and flag against all enemies, whether they be found within or without the boundaries of the republic," the commander said as the honor guard performed the seventh fold.
"The eight fold of the flag is a tribute to the one who entered into the valley of the shadow of death, that people might see the light of day, and to honor one's mother, for whom it flies on Mother's Day," he said. I broke out into tears at this comment. James grabbed my hand to let me know he was there.
"It will be okay Katie," James said. I nodded my head and continued to listen.
"The ninth fold of the flag is a tribute to womanhood, for it has been through their faith, love, loyalty, and devotion of the men and women who have made this country great," he said and my mom fought to hold back tears.
"The tenth fold of the flag is the tribute to the father, for he too, has given his sons and daughters for the defense of the country since he or she was first born," he said as they performed the tenth fold.
"The eleventh fold of the flag, in the eyes of the Hebrew citizens, represents the lower portion of the seal of King David and King Solomon and glorifies, in their eyes, the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob," he said.
"The twelfth fold of the flag, in the eyes of the Christian citizen, represents an emblem of eternity and glorifies, in their eyes, God the father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost," he said.
"The thirteenth and final fold of the flag, the stars are uppermost in remembrance of the Unites States' national motto, "In God We Trust,"" he said. The Army Honor Guard walked over to the family. They knelt in front of my mom and leaned forward.
"On behalf of the President of the United States and the people of a grateful nation, may I present this flag as a token of appreciation for the honorable and faithful service of your husband rendered this nation," the soldier holding the flag said. My mom reached out to take the flag and broke into tears.
~End of flashback~
"Katie it will be okay," James said as he hugged me.
"I can't believe it has been this long James," I said wiping tears off my face.
"Katie, can you sing me that song?" he asked me and I smiled.
"It's about my dad. It's called Heaven Was Needing a Hero," I told him. I finished the song and he smiled.
"Katie, you should sing that tomorrow at the Staples Center," he said.
"James, I don't know," I said.
"Do you have any more songs? We could open with you singing some and then some duets and then perform. We could dedicate the performance to your dad and the soldiers," James said. I nodded my head.
We were getting ready to perform. I was backstage and was really nervous.
"Are you ready?" James asked as he walked up to me. I nodded my head. He took my hand and led me onto the stage. The other guys followed
"Everyone this is my wife, Katie Diamond. She is going to perform with us tonight," said James.
"Eight years ago yesterday, Katie and I lost our dad in the Iraq War. So to start off we are going to be performing songs Katie has written for the soldiers over the years," said Kendall. We all walked to our stools on the stage and sat.
"This is for you dad," I said into the mic before I started singing.
I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you left me
I wish that you would just leave
Your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
The crowd began to cheer which eased my nerves.
"Now Katie and I are going to sing a song," said James. He turned his head and looked into my eyes.
James-It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white, going to the church that night
Katie-She had his box of letters in the passenger seat,
six pence in her shoe
something borrowed something *blue*
James-and when the church doors opened up wide she put her veil down trying to hide the tears oh
she just couldn't believe it
Katie-she heard the trumpets from the military band and the flowers fell out of her hands
Both-Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Katie-I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
James-This can't be happening to me
Katie-This is just a dream
James-The preacher man said let us bow our heads and pray
lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt
then the congregation all stood up and sang the saddest song that she ever heard
Katie-then they handed her a folded up flag and
she held on to all she had left of him oh and what could've been
James-and then guns rang one last shot and it felt like a bullet in her heart
Both-Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Katie-I can't even breathe
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Katie-Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
James-This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Katie- Oh, Oh Baby, why'd you leave me, why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever, now I'll never know
Ohh I'll never know
It's like I'm, looking from a distance, standing in the background
Everybody's saying, he's not coming home now,
Both-This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
just a dream, oh!
The crowd began to cheer again.
"Now my brother and I are going to sing a song together," I said.
Katie-I came by today to see you
Oh I had to let you know
Kendall-If I knew the last time that I held you was the last time
Both-I'd have held you, and never let go
Katie-Oh, it's kept me awake nights, wondering
I lie in the dark, just asking why
Kendall-I've always been told
You won't be called home
Until it's your time
Both-I guess heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Kendall-Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
Katie-When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Both-Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you
Kendall-I remember the last time I saw you
Oh, you held your head up proud
Katie-I laughed inside
When I saw how you were standing out in the crowd
Both-You're such a part of who I am
Now that part will just be void
No matter how much I need you now
Heaven needed you more
Both-Cause heaven was needing a hero
Somebody just like you
Kendall-Brave enough to stand up
For what you believe
And follow it through
Katie-When I try to make it make sense in my mind
The only conclusion I come to
Both-Is heaven was needing a hero
Like you
Kendall-Is Heaven was needing a hero
Katie-and that's you
"Alright I am done. Give it up for Big Time Rush," I said and started to walk off the stage. James grabbed my arm and turned me around.
"You did great babe," he said before he kissed me. The crowd awed. I walked off the stage after the kiss.
Kendall-Can you lay your life down, so a stranger can live
Carlos-Can you take what you need, but take less than you give
James-Could you close every day, without the glory and fame
Logan-Could you hold your head high, when no one knows your name
James-That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say
All-We say goodbye, but never let go
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who
Will never look back, never look down
and never let go
James-Can you lose everything, you ever had planned
Kendall-Can you sit down again, and play another hand
Carlos-Could you risk everything, for the chance of being alone
Logan-Under pressure find the grace, or would you come undone
James-That's how legends are made, at least that's what they say
All-We say goodbye, but never let go
We live, we die, cause you can't save every soul
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who
Will never look back, never look down
and never let go
James-Never let go, Never let go, Never let go
James-Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who
Kendall-Will never look back, never look down
Carlos-and never let go
All-We say goodbye, but never let go
We live, we die, 'but you can't save every soul
Gotta take every chance to, show that you're the kinda man who
Will never look back, never look down
and never let go
Carlos and Logan-Will never look back, never look down
Kendall-and never let go
James-Never let go, Never let go, Never let go
After that song they sang Big Time Rush, Halfway There, Stuck, and Famous.
James's POV:
"Thanks, everyone, for coming to the show," said Carlos looking exhausted.
"Now we are going to try and record these songs for you," said Kendall.
"If we do then all the proceeds will go towards families who have lost someone overseas," I said. It was hard on the family when they lost someone.
"Goodnight L.A," said Logan before we walked off the stage. I walked over to Katie.
"Hey, we are going to Minnesota tomorrow. Do you want to go by your dads' grave?" I asked her. She nodded her head.
James's POV
We just landed in Minnesota. We start shooting the first episode tomorrow. We pulled into Katie's grandparents' house and visited for a while.
"Hey Mama Knight, I'm going to take Katie to visit Johns' grave. I don't know when we will be back," I said.
"Okay, James. Be careful," said Mama Knight. Katie and I grabbed our coats and took the rental Tahoe to the cemetery. We got out and walked to the grave. Katie fell on her knees.
"Hey daddy," she said crying. I knelt down beside her
"I miss you so much," she said as she put her face in my chest.
"You were like a dad to me John. I miss you to," I said. He practically raised me and taught me what it meant to be a man. He was more of a dad than my own father.
"Daddy, James and I are married. I know you would be happy about that. You taught him how to be a man. He is just like you are very good man and a great husband. Like you were to mom," said Katie. She kissed me on the cheek.
"I promise I will take good care of her John. Please say 'hi' to my mom and tell her I miss her," I said.
"James, we should go to your moms' grave too," said Katie getting up. They weren't very far apart. Our families have been friends forever and were all buried close together. Our grandparents and great grandparents were even best friends. We walked over to her grave and I fell to my knees. This is the first time I have been here since she was buried.
"Hey, Momma. Katie and I are so happy. Did you always know I would end up with her? You probably did because you were so smart. I miss you so much mom," I said starting to cry.
"You would be very proud of your son Julie. He is such a great husband. You raised him well. I love you mom," said Katie.
"Katie, I can't do this. I need more time. I'm sorry momma. I love you," I said as I got up and walked back to the Tahoe. Katie stayed behind. I got in the car and threw my cell phone at the dash. Why did she have to die? She was my rock. I miss her so much. I just let everything go and started crying.
"James, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have," Katie said when she got in. I cut her off.
"Not your fault Katie. I just need time to deal with it. Can we go back to my house," I said looking at the floor. I broke my iPhone crap.
"Yeah," she said as she started the car. We walked in the house. I still paid all the bills so everything worked and I even had a house cleaner keep it clean. I went to my mom's room while Katie fixed us something to eat. I walked over to my moms' desk and opened the top drawer. There was a letter and it had my name on it. I opened the letter.
My dearest son,
If you are reading this then you know that I have gone on. I am so sorry I didn't tell you. I want you to know that I love you very much. I have been sick for two years and I am running out of strength. I hope I get to see you one last time before I die. I want you to know that everything is yours. You can keep the house if you want. I just want you to be happy. That's why I didn't tell you. I wanted you to live your dream like I lived mine. Please James. If you find someone you love. Love them with all your heart. Don't let anything tear you apart. Tell everyone that I said hi and that I love them especially Katie she is like the daughter I never had. I know you had a crush on her. Don't even deny it anymore. If you still like her then follow your heart. She may be the person you marry one day. I love you my son. Live your life to fullest and remember do not have any regrets. I know I don't even Phil because if I hadn't have met him. I wouldn't have had you, which is my biggest reward out of life. Now go and live your life James. I love you very much
With all my love,
Mom
I don't know how long I have been sitting here. I heard Katie come in.
"James, supper is ready," she said. I held up the letter and she took it and started reading.
"It's from my mom," I said.
"James I don't know what to say," Katie said when she finished reading it.
"I know, right?" I said.
Author's Note: I am sorry about all the songs and the flashbacks. The letter just popped into my head when I had James go upstairs so I went with it. I had no idea that I would start crying writing it. Please review and tell me what you think. If you have an idea where this story should head then please PM me.