The Baby Dilemma

written by: albe-chan

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fiction and I do NOT own Harry Potter or any of the characters mentioned, I am making no money, and any similarities with real life are purely coincidental. This work will contain MATURE THEMES, such as coarse language, mature subject matter (scenes containing graphic sex, nudity, etc.), and/or violence. Please, if you are not over the age of 18, or of majority in your country, DO NOT READ THIS! You have been warned!

XXX

Chapter Ten - When It Rains, It Pours

Lily woke up to Scorpius's phone alarm the next day, and heard the blond murmur a curse before sitting up, shutting his alarm off, and throwing the sheet off himself. She rolled over as he stood, filling his warm bed space. "Go back to sleep," he murmured, painted golden in the early morning light that poured through the window.

She hummed and closed her eyes, and felt his warm mouth brush over her forehead, then her lips, and at last, her belly. The three words she wasn't supposed to say almost choked her, and she felt her eyes filling with tears behind her lids, even as Scorpius slipped out of her bedroom, clothes tucked under an arm.

She fell back asleep and slept fitfully, finally waking completely at just after eight, and stretched in bed, alone. Lily sighed, telling herself firmly she didn't miss Scorpius, because that would be silly, and she just preferred waking up to him when he could sleep late with her.

It hit her in the shower, that today would be, most likely, her last ultrasound to possibly find out the gender of her baby. "Hey, Baby," she said, turning her belly into the warm spray of the shower, rubbing it soothingly. "You're going to be on camera today. Again." Lily smiled as her baby rolled over. "So you need to cooperate for us, Baby," she continued, and sighed, because the shower felt nice. "I want to prove you're a boy," she murmured, and her baby kicked, in what she hoped was agreement.

The redhead spent the morning working, grabbed a quick lunch with Rose, and then went to the ultrasound portion of the clinic for her appointment for three o'clock. And, unlike any and every other appointment Scorpius had been scheduled to attend with her, he wasn't there. She told herself he was undoubtedly busy, because politics went on every day of the year, and usually off the clock, but it still rankled. He'd been, seemingly at least, as excited as she to hopefully, finally, find out whether her bean was a boy or girl, and now he wasn't there. She took a deep breath, because she was bound to be waiting for a bit, and tried not to fidget, looking to see if Scorpius would arrive in time more often than strictly necessary. And even though Lily told herself hoping was stupid, and probably pointless, because he did have a career and all, she hoped nonetheless.

When they called her name, Lily felt her heart plummet to her toes, even as she stood up. And then, just in the nick of time, Scorpius came hustling into the waiting area, and moved toward her. "Sorry I'm late," he breathed, and Lily tried to fight the smile to little avail.

"Just in time," she replied, and took his hand in hers tightly. "Let's go."

The ultrasound technician was the same one Lily had had for the first gender ultrasound, and he smiled serenely as they went in. Lily laid down and lifted her shirt, Scorpius beside her, and the tech got to work, the little wand showing them a sneak peek of her bean.

And even though they stretched the appointment out as long as possible, to Lily's fury and Scorpius's amusement, they still were unable to definitively pinpoint the gender. The tech chuckled a little when Lily demanded an opinion from him. "I am sorry, but I cannot say. Your baby is quite stubborn."

"It must be genetic," Scorpius murmured, and Lily shot him a dirty look, even though she had to admit, if only to herself, he wasn't wrong.

The tech left them and Lily wiped goop off her bump, sighing a little at the injustice of it all, and tugged her stretchy black tee down as much as possible over her bump. "Are you finished working?" she asked as she hefted herself up off the little paper lined bed thing.

"I have a meeting later, over dinner," Lily couldn't help but pull a face at that, "but I'll be home before you go to bed," he teased, and the redhead glared.

"You strap thirty extra pounds on and tell me if you want to sleep more than like four hours a night."

Dark grey eyes rolled as they exited the room. "For the record, I always get at least six hours of sleep," he replied and Lily snorted. "But I'm yours until six," he added.

"Good," Lily said, waddling a little as they headed toward the lift. "Because we have to go grocery shopping, because I need crisps." Scorpius forced himself not to laugh by pressing his lips together tightly. "And then I want to do some shopping for my bean. He has almost nothing to wear, and I only have four receiving blankets, and I'm willing to bet I'll need more than that." Scorpius, who'd seen the not-so-little bag of baby things Lily had stashed in his guest room closet, smirked a little, but he was pleased he was being invited along. He had yet to buy anything for their baby, and he was looking forward to the task. Even if it would only be footing the bill for the things Lily decided she would need, it made him feel much better about it all.

Once out in the parking lot, they got into his newly purchased silver BMW, a car that he rather liked, even if it wasn't his dark blue Porsche Turbo 911 convertible, and he drove them to the grocery store near Lily's flat, knowing she liked shopping for food there best, because of the familiarity. And while Scorpius told himself he wasn't doing it for any purpose other than avoiding hearing her bitch about the prices at his usual grocery haunt, he found he couldn't quite believe himself.

Lily tried not to read into the fact he'd gone to her preferred grocery store when he at last parked, but the redheaded woman couldn't help but feel if he'd done so because he knew she liked shopping at the store near her old flat, that was awfully sweet. And her heart crumbled even more in the battle to maintain its protective wall where Scorpius was concerned. Instead of commenting, like part of her was all but bursting to, she merely went in with Scorpius, grabbing a basket out of habit and slinging it over her arm, walking belly first into the store.

"Did you grab the-?" she began, but before she could finish, Scorpius handed her the flyer he'd snatched up as she grabbed the basket. "Let's see what's on sale," she murmured to herself. The blond merely shook his head and rolled dark grey eyes. If he didn't know better, Scorpius would have thought Lily never paid full price for anything. And while that was a good thing, especially as he would wind up paying, it was certainly a foreign experience for him, personally. Hell, before Lily had moved in, Scorpius hadn't even looked at prices while grocery shopping. "Oh, nice, apples are coming into season," she said, and moved over to the display.

Scorpius watched her pick out apples, and then some other produce, lifting the basket from her arm neatly after she put a large jug of chocolate milk into it. They turned down the cans and sauces aisle and Lily hesitated buying pickles, because the name brand variety weren't on sale. "I almost forgot, we need this," Scorpius said, grabbing his favourite sandwich condiment off the shelf and placing it in the basket. Lily's mouth pursed.

"It's not on sale," she said. "And this kind is like almost two dollars less." She pointed at the generic version.

"But this kind is the best," Scorpius said.

Hazel eyes rolled. "You've never even tried this other kind."

"Darling," Scorpius said, moving into her personal bubble, "it's mayonnaise. One never settles for less than Miracle Whip."

"And you probably wouldn't even know the difference if I bought this kind and put it in the other bottle," Lily argued, brows drawing together. "You're paying an extra fifty percent for a name, Scorpius." The blond shook his head.

"No, I'm paying for what I know I like, and for quality. And this kind comes with more anyway." Lily shook her head back.

"You're daft, it's like twenty five grams more," she said, but let it go. Scorpius watched her turn and bend down to examine the label on something else, and couldn't resist checking out her ass. If I'm daft, it's for you. A half hour, two price checks, and fifty seven dollars later, the blond carried their four grocery bags to his car, unable to quell the smile watching Lily shopping brought. She was impulsive, and a little neurotic, but damn if it wasn't enjoyable.

He expected his baby mama to be just as frugal when they arrived at their next destination, the baby boutique she insisted they hit up. Instead of moving to the clearance rack, though, she headed straight back to the gender neutral section, full of tiny clothes that looked patently too small for anything, even a baby. And everything was pale yellow, and white, and cream, and tan. Scorpius glanced longingly at the little girls' section, because he was tempted to at least look, but fear of never being invited baby shopping again held him back.

If the blond was honest with himself, he didn't have the balls to go baby shopping alone, because he had almost no clue what would be remotely appropriate, but he had a feeling if he strayed from Lily's side, she'd suspect him up to something. And Scorpius really wanted to get something for their as yet unknown son or daughter. He watched carefully as Lily flicked through a rack of cream and grey three-piece ensembles.

"Oh my god," Lily breathed, looking at a little elephant outfit. The pants were striped grey and cream, the little hoodie and soft grey terry cloth with floppy ears added, and the white onesie had an embroidered elephant with the phrase 'Mummy's Peanut' across the front. "This is adorable," she sighed.

She made to look at the price tag, but Scorpius shook his head. "No looking at prices," he said firmly, and covered the tag.

Lily almost glared, but tried very carefully to sound calm when she replied, "Scorpius, I have to look at the price. I'm on a budget."

"No, you're not," he said, and as her mouth parted and her brows shot up, he lifted the little outfit from her hands. "This is bloody adorable, and you're getting it. And you might have a budget, but I don't," he said quietly. "So pick whatever you like." She opened her mouth to inform him she didn't need his charity, or want him just buying their baby whatever, but then the blond, his dark grey eyes fixed on hers and shining with emotion, added, "Please don't deny me the chance to spoil the bean, Lily. I've missed enough as it is, and I want to do this for you. For her." His palm smoothed over her belly, and Lily felt her heart rise into her throat, choking her with emotion.

"You mean him," she whispered, her voice croaky with the effort at holding in her tears. Scorpius grinned.

"No, I mean her," he teased, then kissed her, whisper soft, on the corner of her mouth. "But since you refuse to believe that the bean is a girl, come get me when you're ready to check out, darling."

He kissed her again, properly this time, making her heart clench painfully around the three words she wasn't allowed to say out loud, and she had to physically bite her tongue to hold them in check. Because if he kept on being sweet, Lily knew she'd slip up sooner or later. And that was a terrifying thought, because she was almost positive he'd ever feel the same.

So she focused on getting the items on her mental checklist she kept, and tried not to glance around too frequently as Scorpius wandered around the store, smirking at the occasional toy he found amusing, or looking through racks of pink and purple clothing she was certain would be a waste of money. It's his money, let him blow it if he wants.

"Do we need this?" Scorpius asked when she finally came over, having spotted him by a display of car seat blanket things, that stayed on the seat and negated the need for jackets or heavy clothing in transport from car to home and back in the cold.

"Um," Lily said, because she hadn't thought about it, but it seemed like it would be unbearably handy now that she'd seen it. "That depends," she hedged.

"On?" Scorpius prompted, looking down at her.

"Does it come in any colour other than pink?" she asked, because there was only a pink one displayed. The blond smirked.

"There's also blue, grey, and what appears to be some kind of black and white pattern." He pointed the packaged ones out, and Lily couldn't help but rather like the black and white zig-zag stripe.

"And is it compatible with the car seat we-?" She stopped short, about to say 'picked out', but she hadn't really picked anything. She'd had her heart set on the one he'd gotten, certainly, but she knew it was a top of the line seat, and had probably cost a small fortune. She'd been planning to ask for it from her parents for her baby shower, in truth, before Scorpius had gotten it himself.

"Of course," Scorpius said. "So?"

"I think it'll be handy," Lily admitted, feeling guilty when Scorpius picked up the package and looked at the price sticker on the back. "But it's not really a necessity," she added.

"Of course it is," he said dismissively. "Can't have the baby catching cold." Lily sucked in a breath, but didn't comment as he picked up the black and white patterned one and turned to face her fully. "Are you ready?"

"I think so," she said, looking down at her armload of purchases.

"Good," Scorpius said, and she gulped when he put a gentle hand at her lower back, steering her toward the till. "Because those ice cream sandwiches you insisted upon buying are probably going to be melted if you take any longer, Lily."

"They were on sale!" she said, sounding a little offended, even as she plonked her baby things down on the counter. A young girl who barely looked old enough to know how babies were made, let alone work at a shop for them, started scanning items, looking bored and mild repulsed when she glanced at Lily's belly. Scorpius sent the girl a scathing look, because he wasn't oblivious to the way the young woman looked at him as if wondering what the hell he was doing with some pregnant chick.

"And thank God for that," he rumbled, pulling her close, feeling the heat from her blush, and added huskily against her ear, "because otherwise I might be bankrupt."

"You would not be," she breathed logically, and he couldn't help but feel his cock stir in his pants as Lily wet her lips. "You're practically filthy rich."

Scorpius grinned a little. "I wouldn't be if you insisted upon buying ice cream bars at full price."

"You're such a prick," she replied, but the blond noticed she sounded decidedly pleased by that statement.

"I'll show you precisely how much when we get home," he added, and his cock sprang to attention in his trousers when Lily pulled away, smiling coyly.

"Let's hope so," she said, and grinned at him, and Scorpius had to resist the urge to pull her against himself and snog her silly. He told himself firmly they were merely the parents of the same child who occasionally had sex, and nothing more, unless she should choose for them to be more, and lusting after her, and her ripe, delicious figure that tempted and turned him on more than ever, was simply foolish. Because she'd made it clear she was only satisfying her hormones with him, and anything else was out of the question. And even though he kind of hated it, he couldn't help but take shameless advantage of whatever hormones she chose to vent through him and settle for naught else, because he knew, deep down, there couldn't ever really be more with Lily.

By the time Sunday rolled around, Lily had all but forgotten she was going to tell her parents and James and Priscilla the truth behind her baby daddy's identity. As she got dressed for Sunday dinner at her parents' house, she hummed happily to herself, feeling decidedly pretty in her new blouse that fit comfortably and complimented her decidedly round figure.

Scorpius was stuck in meetings, so Lily took the bus from his condo to her parent's house. She didn't bother knocking after waddling up the front walk, and headed, through habit and with a starving belly, toward the kitchen where the scent of roast beef hung thick in the air, making her mouth water in anticipation. "Hi, Mum, hi Dad," she said cheerfully. Her mother was sliding the Yorkshire pudding into the oven and Lily actually wiped her mouth to make sure she wasn't drooling.

"Hello, honey!" Ginny said, closing the oven door as she turned, and hugged her daughter tightly. "Oh, Lily, honey, you look so pretty," she gushed, and the redhead beamed. "And how is the baby? Tell me everything. Come have a seat."

"Baby's great," she said, settling in her usual seat at the kitchen table and rubbing her bump lovingly.

"So am I getting another grandson or granddaughter?" Ginny asked, smirking. Harry Potter looked up from the paper he was scowling at with interest and Lily blew out a sigh.

"No clue," the younger redhead grumbled. "He's being frustratingly evasive at every ultrasound."

Ginny smiled indulgently. "Or she," Harry said pointedly. Hazel eyes rolled, but Lily smiled.

"Now you sound like Sc-" Lily stopped herself before she let the cat out of the bag, all at once remembering that she was supposed to tell her parents the identity of her baby's father.

"Like who, honey?" her mother asked, mashing potatoes now. Lily felt her face lighting up guiltily with a dark blush, all but burning her, and looked away from her father's probing emerald gaze.

"Um," she hedged, because there wasn't really any polite way to say what she had to say. Before she could think of what to possibly say, James and Priscilla, with Liam and Viola charging ahead, burst into the kitchen, saving Lily from replying as the children swarmed Ginny for hugs and Harry for sweets they knew would be hiding in his pockets. She let out a sigh of relief and hugged Priscilla, who also commented on her glowing complexion and Lily's new top as she patted her bump lovingly. "So what's the verdict?" her sister in law demanded once the kids had scampered off and James had pilfered yet another of his father's best beers and they'd sat at the table. "Niece or nephew?"

"Still anyone's guess," Lily said with a grimace, because although she'd give her right arm to know, and she was still convinced it was a boy, the redhead knew everyone else wanted to know just as badly, if not more.

"Oh, boo!" Priscilla said, frowning, and James chuckled.

"Typical Weasley," he said, slanting their mum a look, and Ginny laughed too.

"They told me you'd be a girl, James," she shot back, and Harry snorted a little, glancing back at his paper. Lily laughed long and hard as her brother scowled.

"Good thing medical science has come so far in the last thirty or so years, then, isn't it, Mum?"

Ginny rolled her eyes, then looked back at Lily. "So Lily, honey, what were you saying before?"

The redhead wet her lips, because suddenly four pairs of eyes were fixed on her. "Oh, um, nothing important, really," she mumbled, and felt her baby kick her as punishment for lying, no doubt. "Er, I was just going to say, um…" She trailed off, looking away, and fiddled with a hank of dark red hair, twisting it nervously around a finger.

She almost jumped when Albus said, from the doorway, "What were you going to say, Lils?"

Hazel eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and she grit her teeth, and then all her courage deserted her when Albus, looking pleased as fucking punch, walked into their parents' kitchen, followed by the tall handsome blond man who'd fathered her baby. And when she met Scorpius's dark grey gaze, Lily was all but positive her face had never burned hotter or more red. She dropped her eyes and stared at her hands, frowning a little as she saw herself wringing them nervously, and clenched her fists instead. "Nothing," she said softly, and peeked back up to find Albus smirking, James and Priscilla looking suspiciously between her and Scorpius, and her parents with confused faces.

"Holy shit," Priscilla breathed, eyes huge, clearly reaching the conclusion without Lily saying a word, and the redhead shot her sister in law a pleading look. "Oh, I mean, uh-"

"Priscilla, dear, do mind your language," Ginny chastised gently, then looked at Albus, who was still smirking with smug triumph, sharply. "Albus, come in and sit, honey. And Scorpius, so nice to see you." Both men dispensed the perfunctory motherly cheek kisses before seating themselves, the latter shaking Harry Potter's hand firmly in greeting. "Dinner's just about ready, everyone. James, be a dear and get my grandbabies?"

Lily blew out a breath, because she was positive her parents and James knew something was up, but everyone pushed through the tense, awkward atmosphere. Albus seemed tickled pink. Lily barely refrained from kicking him under the table, and although she could feel Scorpius staring at her, his dark, roiling eyes branding her with their intensity, she resisted the strong urge to look up and smile across at him.

Once everyone had been seated and dinner was served, Lily braced herself for Albus's onslaught. Instead, her younger older brother merely sat back and ate with gusto, letting Ginny and Priscilla lead the conversation. Lily only half listened as they shared thoughts and finalized arrangements concerning the younger redhead's impending baby shower the next day. Lily tried to focus on the delicious quality of the food, but she couldn't help but feel a little queasy, waiting on tenterhooks for Albus to ruin her dinner and life.

It wasn't until Lily had cleared her plate, although it had been generous to say the least, that her brother struck. "Are you going to this shindig?" Albus said, rather louder than was strictly warranted, in an aside to Scorpius as Ginny gushed about the cooking they would be doing all the next morning.

And, like lightning, James demanded, "Why the hell would Malfoy go?" Lily glanced at her father, feeling her very full stomach drop heavily, and she felt sick for real as Harry Potter's dark brows drew sharply together.

"Yeah, Al," Scorpius replied lightly. "Baby showers are for women."

Priscilla shot Lily a pitying look just as Albus said, pulling a confused face, "I'd have thought my sister would make you come."

Lily blushed dark again as all eyes flicked to her, and she sucked in a ragged breath, heart pounding. "Of course not," she said. Lily hadn't planned, in the slightest, to invite Scorpius to her baby shower, considering no one knew he'd fathered her as yet unborn child, and she didn't much want him to come now that her immediate family would know.

"Why would you think that?" James asked, looking equally pissed he was obviously missing something and confused. Scorpius looked, to Lily at least, with annoyance at Albus, and said something to his best mate under his breath.

Albus grinned. "Why do I think that, Lily?" the dark haired, green eyed man prompted, and Lily did kick him under the table now. His smile turned into a teeth-gritting grimace for a second, to Lily's pleasure.

"Because you're an asshole," she growled, then looked at her mother. "Um, that's what I was going to say before," she said quickly, trying to ignore her embarrassment. "That Dad sounded like... " She paused, gulped, and forged ahead, still staring into her mother's warm chocolate brown eyes because she was too afraid to look at her father. "Like Scorpius. Because he's pretty much convinced my baby is a girl." Lily cleared her throat, feeling awful as her mother's brow furrowed. "Which probably sounds crazy," she mumbled, "but it's because…" Her courage was fading fast, and she knew, as her mother almost glared with mounting confusion, she would never say it without being blunt. "He's the father. Scorpius is my baby's dad."

There was a beat of silence, and then little Liam, who'd been ignoring the conversation entirely as he tried to build a mashed potato volcano around his gravy, looked at Lily directly. "Does that make Scorpius my uncle, if he's my cousin's dad, Aunty?" he asked with innocent ignorance.

Lily smiled, even as her eyes filled with tears. "Kind of, buddy," she said lightly, and then hazarded a look at Scorpius, who looked like he was considering walking out.

Liam looked at Scorpius, shrugged, and then said to his mum, "I hope so, Mummy. Then I'll get more presents on my birthday."

Albus snorted a laugh at his nephew, even as Lily sucked in a wobbly breath. Priscilla patted Lily's hand comfortingly, and the younger redhead looked at Ginny Potter, who was merely blinking, mouth ever so slightly parted, obviously in shock. Lily looked at her father, who seemed equally as shocked, although stony faced, fork half poised in the air between mouth and plate.

"Surprise," Lily said, a traitorous tear spilling over and streaking down her still pink cheek. She looked back at her mother. "Please tell me there's chocolate cake for dessert, otherwise I'm leaving."

"Of course, honey," Ginny said automatically. "I know you love it," she said, and then let out a breath. "Oh Lily, honey," she said, half rising and moving to embrace her daughter.

"Are you fu-bloody serious?" James asked, sounding as shocked as Ginny and Harry had looked to Lily.

"Yes," Lily said lightly, and looked at Scorpius, who hadn't said anything since her rather blatant confession. "And while my flat's being fixed, you remember I told you all about the fire, I've been staying with Scorpius, at his place," she added, and the silence was deafening, shattered only by the sound of her father's fork dropping heavily onto his plate.

She'd told her family all about the fire, caused by an elderly lady leaving her dinner in the oven while she went out to bingo with friends, but had glossed over where she was staying during reconstruction with a purposely vague 'with a friend'. Her parents had been more alarmed she'd almost been in harm's way than where she might be staying, and while they, as well as James and Priscilla, both had offered their spare room, Lily had merely shaken her head at the kindness. Now part of her was wishing she'd just bloody stayed with her brother and sister in law, or maye even her parents, although that had seemed damn near unbearably. Because she felt as if she'd betrayed her family, although she hadn't precisely lied. It was simply that her 'friend' was more like a friend with benefits who'd knocked her up.

"That wasn't so hard, now, was it?" Albus said darkly, and Priscilla shot him a deadly look.

"Not at all," Lily replied, and sent Scorpius an equally scathing look. "So, Mum, can we have cake now?"

The tense atmosphere from dinner lingered as Lily caught a ride back to Scorpius's flat with him, feeling equally pissed he'd pretty much left her to fend off the resulting questions after her announcement, and hurt that he obviously hadn't felt the need to take any of the heat. Even though she knew, for a fact, her parents and eldest brother, and even Priscilla, had glanced at him questioningly more than once. At last, as they pulled up to a red light, Scorpius reached over and placed his hand upon hers on the little armrest console thing between the front seats.

Lily's brows lifted, lip curling, and she silently withdrew her hand. "You could've said something back there, y'know," she tossed out acidly, feeling close to tears and wanting to shout at the stupid blond fucker who'd stolen her heart. "I mean," she continued at his silence, "if you didn't want to look like an absolute piece of shit, of course."

"And what, pray tell, was I supposed to say?" Scorpius asked stiffly as they pulled away from the light.

"Anything!" Lily snapped, turning to face him. "Anything at all! But no, of course not. You let me handle that shit all on my fucking own."

The blond's mouth tightened, and Lily saw him readjust his grip on the steering wheel. "Do you honestly think any input I may have had would have been even remotely positively received?" he drawled, and Lily balled her fists, teeth gritting.

"How should I know?" she shot back. "You didn't even try!"

"You're right," Scorpius said after a beat. "I didn't. Because I didn't want to make things any more awkward or difficult for you," he said quietly. "Even if it makes me a piece of shit." Lily felt her anger fading, hurt replacing it, because that thought hadn't ever occurred to her. That he'd been trying to act out of preservation for her, instead of himself. "It was bad enough, getting the fourth degree from Albus on the way over," the blond added, and Lily bit her lip, because she could imagine it hadn't been pleasant.

"Still," she mumbled, trying to rile her temper again with little success.

"Still," Scorpius agreed on a sigh, and Lily shifted in the seat. "Have I ever mentioned your brother can be an asshole?"

A corner of the redhead's mouth quirked up. "Not that I recall," she admitted. "But I kind of already knew that."

Scorpius looked across at her as they slowed with traffic, and half smiled, looking unbearably sexy to Lily, and her pulse thudded heavily in her chest as molten desire, ramped up with baby hormones, flowed through her veins. "I'll bet."

Lily smirked a tiny bit. "It's okay, though," she murmured. "Al's going to get the asshole treatment back tenfold when I tell him he's not going to be godfather for the bean." Scorpius chuckled and reached for her hand again, and Lily turned her palm up, lacing their fingers in a silent declaration of the words she couldn't bring herself to say. "Unless you'd like the honors yourself."

"Oh no, darling. I wouldn't dream of denying you the pleasure."

XXX