Recovery & Loss Prevention

Author: Cheryl W.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters or any rights to NCIS or Numb3rs, nor am I making any profit from this story.

Author's Note: This is just a short chapter but I'm hoping you all think that a little progress is better than none.

NCISNCISNCISNCISNCISNCIS

Chapter 10: Do Unto Others

NcisncisncisNCISNCISNCIS

The great Leroy Jethro Gibbs wasn't supposed to be afraid of anything. At least that's what he wanted people to believe. That he was invincible, unable to be hurt, never wrong, would have no occasion to apologize. His word was law, his gut was always right on the money and he didn't make wrong decisions…on the job. Sure, what with the ex-wives, there was proof that in his personal life he wasn't so right about his choices all the time. But one fault, one that didn't affect his shining reputation as NCIS legend Special Agent Gibbs, could be overlooked.

And yet it was all a lie. Not one that someone else fabricated but that he did. To cover his multitude of failures. How he had failed to be there when his wife and daughter needed him most, had not saved them, had been a world away when they were murdered. Had not contacted them in weeks before that happened, had put his missions first, had prioritized them and they came in second to his military career. And then they were gone. Gone and not coming back. Had taken his fantasy that he would one day tire of being a god of war and come home, maybe enjoy the calmness of sitting on the front porch watching his wife garden, take his daughter hiking, maybe meet the neighbors do cookouts, steaks on the grill. Would get a safe job, not so much boring as satisfying. And in all that dreaming, he would be the perfect husband, the perfect father, have the perfect future, deserved that…because…he just did.

Apparently the world disagreed with that assessment. Took everything he thought he knew, about himself, about his future and blew it to the four winds.

He had been trying to reshape his world ever since. To make it impregnable to the winds' forces. To expect the worst and still stand. Wives leaving: understandable and bearable. Kate dying: unexpected and painful but nothing he hadn't experienced before, comrades in war died. It was the nature of things. And Kate had been one heck of a good soldier but a soldier all the same.

Then came the explosion, his memories of his family resurfacing, his out of body like dream of meeting Kelly and others gone from him and then there was him waking up, realizing there was crater sized holes in his memories, that he didn't know himself. Signaled a new level of loss of control which left him scrambling to refortify his walls, to be able to handle the gales of wind again. Had thought to do what he had done when his family was murdered, become someone new. Someone who didn't smile much, yeah, who growled more than spoke, who head slapped and glared instead of consoled, instructed and offered a few well- deserved free passes. Became someone Shannon wouldn't recognize. (Maybe someone she wouldn't like..love. But what did that matter, she wasn't there, had vetoed her right to approve who he was, how he used her rules, twisted her rules.)

But his latest try to reincarnate his character was an utter failure because, where Shannon and Kelly had no longer been there for him to come back to, Tony, Abby, Ducky, Tim, and Ziva weren't dead…well to anybody but him. He wanted to believe they didn't exist anymore, that he had no option to return to them, that they were as gone as his wife and daughter had been all those years ago. But they weren't. Their repeated calls to his voice mails, the memories of them, the times he told Mike stories about them, the times he reached for the phone to call Tony and barely stopped himself told him that he could run away, even back to war if he wanted to, and it wouldn't cut out who these people were to him, still were to him: his family.

And it was one thing when your family was ripped away from you, taken when you weren't looking, it was another thing entirely when you abandoned them. Pretended they weren't good enough to make it into the next stage of your life, that the new you had no use for them. Were in the past, another former life gone, like ashes on the wind. Except they weren't gone, were in DC, right where he had left them. The only one gone was him….like he had been gone in war when Shannon and Kelly needed him most.

DiNozzo thought it was Ziva's call that had brought him back to DC, that it was the ex-mossad's need for his protection that had him ditching the beers on the beach lifestye. And he let him think that. He was less exposed by that belief than telling his former second in command that he listened to every voice mail he left him, closed his eyes in relief every time the kid's number popped up on his cellphone screen because it meant Tony was alive, was out there safe. Never confessed that he was already packing his bags when Ziva called, answered her call because he had heard Tony's message five minutes before. His team was in danger, and yes, so far it was just one member but he knew Tony would step in the line of fire for Ziva, for anyone on their team, heck for complete strangers, all with a smirk on his face. So yeah, Ziva was the target but that in no way meant Tony was safe…or any of the others. Going back wasn't even a debate at that realization. Because he might be fuzzy on a lot of details and past events but he remembered acutely what it felt like to have people he loved taken from him. To not be there to save them and that wasn't happened again, not on his watch.

So he had plowed back into NCIS, reclaimed his throne and pretended nothing had changed. That his little retirement foray hadn't cost him anything. But it had. Had cost him the most precious things he had garnered: the warranted respect and unreserved love of his team. And more than that, it had put a distance between his second command and himself, well his leaving and the piss poor way he treated DiNozzo upon his return to power did. And since Tony's resignation, he had tried to sell the notion that Fornell used that distance to sneak in between them, to take the trust Tony had lost in him and draw it to himself. To take what was rightfully his…but that wasn't quite right. Jethro had to accept that now.

Tony's trust was Tony's to bestow…and take away. He gave it too freely sometimes…and only rescinded it when it was shattered beyond belief. When two bastards threw his love back in his face like it was worthless.

But Jethro knew what…who was worthless in this situation, finally admitted it. It was him, his actions, his need to protection himself from harm while inflicting it on the people he loved best. It made sense that Tony didn't want to have anything to do with him, that he was too smart to let him back into his life, to open himself up to more hurt from people who should have vowed to protect him from hurt, not do the damage by their own hands.

And if Jethro was the oh so honorable man he wanted everyone to believe he was, he would let Tony go. Do as Ducky suggested. Do it, not because he didn't love the kid, but because he did.

But those falsehoods of who he was, of hiding what he was truly feeling, had cost Jethro enough already. So if there was even the slimmest chance that he could right some of his wrongs, heal some of Tony's wounds that he had inflicted, keep the kid from forever leaving him in his past, Jethro was going to take it.

Putting away his fear of utter failure, of Tony slamming the door in his face, or worse, opening the door only to tell him he was leaving and there was no hope for any reconciliation between them in this lifetime, Jethro exited his car and entered Tony's apartment building. He made his way to Tony's floor and then did a moment of hesitation, of uncertainty…of fear before he knocked on the kid's door.

A knock, repeated knocks and calls that weren't answered.

Suddenly fear gripped him. Had him mentally picturing Tony on the ground, having fallen and injured his knee worse or had lung complications after his dip in the river. But as he dug out his spare key to open the door, Jethro knew his hand wasn't shaking over either of those possibilities. No, it was the abject dread that he'd open the door and know again that Tony was gone, had left…and wasn't coming back. For good this time. No random reunions, no more update reports through Fornell, just….gone. Away from him, forever. And he couldn't bear that, knew it would rip him apart, his reforged walls be damned.

Finally the door swung open under his manipulation…and he only breathed when he saw Tony's FBI duffle bag on the living room floor. Did a sweep of the apartment and breathed even better when he didn't find DiNozzo on the floor in pain. Didn't find him at all.

Running his hand through his grey hair, Jethro let out a sigh. Tony wasn't there. All his gearing up for a conversation, for his pride to be set aside and now…it wasn't happening. Sinking down on the arm of the couch, he pulled out his phone, but then he remembered, no one had managed to get Tony's new phone number, had been granted an olive branch into his new life. And yes, misery loved company but Gibbs knew it was a bad sign if the ones with the least sins weren't being forgiven, then what were the chances he would be?!

Unprovoked, he thought of sins he was holding against his own father. He hated that he could sympathize a little with the man's pain after having had one surrogate son turn away from him in hurt and anger. A rule came to him then, not one of Shannon's but one from a much higher caller. Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

What made him think he deserved forgiveness when he offered none himself? When he was inflicting similar pain that he felt on his own father? For years…not just six months. Jethro's heart clenched painfully at the prospect Tony might leave and not talk to him again for years…maybe never. He didn't like the feeling, not one bit.

Pulling out his phone, Jethro dialed a number he hadn't forgotten. Felt something he refused to name contentment when his own father's voice came through the cellphone's speakers.

"Hello?"

"Dad."

"Leroy?" and there was incredulousness evident in Jack Gibbs' happy tone.

A tone that settled Jethro's fear that his call would be unwelcome after his anger kept them separate for so long. "How are you, Dad?"

"Better now," Jack admitted with a brief but hearty chuckle.

That earnest and open declaration, it just proved Jethro's theory was right, that it was the same for his Dad as it was for him. Just like seeing Tony had made things better for him, eased some of his pain, just hearing his voice had done the same for his father. Shame washed over him. "I shouldn't have let it go so long."

"I shouldn't have been such a dang fool, did what I did," was Jack's humiliated replied.

Instead of agreeing with his father, Jethro snorted. "Being fools seems to run in the Gibbs bloodline."

A pause then his father asked timidly, "You still talking about this mess between us?"

Jethro gave a smile and shook his head, even after all these years his dad could still read between the lines that something was bothering him, that he had called more than to heal up their broken relationship. And more astoundingly…no, not astounding…more humbling was that his father honestly cared that he was hurting. Even after all the hurt he had purposely inflicted on him.

"More me being the fool. You're not the only one I pushed away," Jethro admitted, felt it was a long time since he had opened up to his father like this, even before he lost his family. Maybe since he had defied Jack and joined the Marines, sure he knew better what life choices to make than his stubborn, shortsighted father.

"Sorry, son," Jack responded with true sympathy echoing in his voice. "Can you head this problem off before it ends in divorce?"

Jethro felt surprise ripple through him. "Why do you think it's wife issues?" more curiosity than rancor at his father's wrong guess.

"Well…you've had a few tries in that department and they didn't turn out well."

"How do you know that?" surprised at his dad's knowledge of his personal life when they had no contact for years.

"We have internet here. I can read the papers from your big city, know how to find the divorce listings."

"You scan the divorce records?" amusement tinged Jethro's inquiry.

Jack chuckled. "Not a lot to do here in a small town and I have to keep track of you somehow over the years."

"You wouldn't make a bad investigator. Course you always knew when I took the car out without your permission or lied to you." The memories coming now without the hue of anger they usually did.

"More father instincts than investigator's. So, if not a wife, who did you push away?" Jack probed gently, knew how precarious this contact with his estranged son was, how quickly it could smolder away if he wasn't careful.

Jethro sighed, ran a hand through his hair as he confessed his failure to his father. "I had a younger man working for me…but not anymore. He left…because of me, because I hurt him and didn't respect him. Now he won't talk to me…like I did to you."

"Ah…" was Jack's loaded reaction of too familiar understanding. Knew why his son was offering the olive branch he was. Sometimes it took the shoe being on the other foot before you could see another person's point of view.

And Jethro read everything he should into this father's comeback. Ruefully admitted, "And yeah…it hurts."

Jack didn't rub his son's face in his pain, wouldn't. Instead felt acute sympathetic pain for his son's situation. "But this kid, he means a lot to you."

"More than I ever told him, would ever tell him. You'd like him. Heck, everyone likes Tony, even when they don't want to."

"Didn't you want to? Like him, that is."

And it was just like his father to ask the question that mattered the most. "He wasn't supposed to get under my skin, was just supposed to be someone I could trust to do a good job on my team. He wasn't supposed to….come to mean so much to me. I'm not supposed to miss him this hard…or hurt that's he's right here and I can't…I can't get him to talk to me, let alone forgive me. And I know that I don't deserve his forgiveness…but it doesn't stop me wanting it."

Jack sighed in commiseration. "I know the feeling."

Shame again washed over Jethro, knowing his Dad did know how all this felt. "Dad…I shouldn't have….I let it go too long…probably read too much into it. I'm not a little boy, I know my mother's gone that you have the right…the need even to move on. And I resented you that…even as I went through three wives trying to replace Shannon." He snorted. "Talk about a hypocrite, huh?"

"What I did, bringing another woman with me to your girls' funeral, it hurt you and I …I'm sorry, son. It wasn't my intentions. I just didn't think….at all."

"Another family trait you passed onto me, huh?" Jethro bitterly teased.

Jack sighed into the phone. "Sometimes that happens when we are in pain and try and shield ourselves from more. That why you pushed this kid away, to shield yourself from pain?"

"Few times I thought I lost him and I….it was like losing Kelly all over again. And I was …pissed he put me through that, more pissed that he could hurt me like that when no one was supposed to have that power. Ever again." Admitting that, realizing the root of his actions toward Tony, it should have made things easier, made Jethro see a way to right his wrongs, but it didn't.

"Well, sounds like you're getting your second chance to make things right between you," Jack optimistically reasoned.

"That's the thing, he's not letting me try and make things right between us…won't even let me get more than a word or two out before he's either leaving or we're growling at each other."

"You'd be amazed what you can get done with a kind word, Leroy. And my pies do wonders in the forgiveness department."

"What?" Jethro felt he lost track of the conversation with his father's last statement.

"My apple pie, won your mom with it and soothed over a few storm clouds in our marriage too."

There was that country thinking of his father's again. That belief that complicated problems could be solved with simple solutions…like an offering of pie. "Pie doesn't heal all wounds."

"Better than time, Leroy. Invite him to Easter. I'll make him a pie that he won't forget and he'll be so taken with it, he'll forgive you just so he can get invited up here again."

"Dad, that's not even remotely how things would happen."

"Never know until you try."

"This just your way of asking me home for Easter?" Jethro wondered, realizing then just how much he had longed to go home, to be with his father.

"Course it's my way of inviting you home, son. And if Tony is an important to you as you say, invite him along. Not for my pie but because holidays are for families to get together and if you've gone and adopted this kid, he should know where his family comes from."

"You make it sound like he's ten. He's a grown man, dad." Even though part of Jethro wished Tony was a kid, could be wowed with sweets and offered his forgiveness over even the slightly kind gesture. But Tony's father's had burned all those chances down with a flame thrower, leaving Jethro only the hard way to reach the abused, scarred man that Tony had grown up to be.

But Jack had a comeback for his son. "I'm a grown man, so are you. Doesn't make family any less important to us, does it?"

And that was the heart of everything. All wrapped up in one sentence. It made Jethro earnestly claim, "Dad…I've missed you."

"Missed you too, son," Jack returned, a smile evident in his voice. "Now what time can I expect you two on Good Friday?"

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

tbc

NCISNCISNCISNCIS

Thanks for continuing to read this story and a shout of gratitude goes out to all my awesome reviewers!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.