Neon Chapter 10: Confidence, a glee fanfic

Warning: Sad, just really sad.

Chapter 10

Blaine just looked at him, "That's all? Kurt, I can call you something else…I don't have to call you anything other than Kurt if that's truly what you want. But…Kurt, if you are going to get that angry over something so small, something as simple as a name, we are really in for a tough ride here. You could have just said that before…" Blaine blabbered, truly wondering what he was getting himself into.

"No, it's just…" Kurt faltered and played with his sleeves, the clothing still foreign on his body, "You aren't the first person to call me that…and I don't think…I mean, I don't want…" Kurt sighed; he had no idea how to go about telling Blaine everything.

He did not want him to run.

Blaine nodded finally in understanding, "And you aren't over him. I understand," he waved a hand sadly, a look of disappointment passing over his features. He shifted a little further away from Kurt, not trying to catch his eye.

Kurt flooded with relief. He was so over his ex, but the look on Blaine's face told him that he was not going to lose him.

Blaine was afraid to lose him, and Kurt was not quite sure he could believe it. No one had ever felt that about him before.

"No," Kurt threaded his hand into Blaine's and squeezed it tightly. "I don't have feelings for anyone but you," he promised. "Not that I know where or when they developed anyway," he said with a wink and a giggle.

Blaine made a noise of agreement, but some of the color flooded back into his cheeks.

Kurt looked down at their clasped hands and sighed, "I guess I should start at the beginning."

Blaine rubbed up and down Kurt's arm, "only tell me what you feel comfortable saying. The rest will come out when it is ready."

If Kurt was not sure he was going to tell Blaine everything before, now he was. He knew Blaine would not judge him and he was not just going to hear Kurt's story, he would actually listen.

"When I was in high school, I was bullied a lot. I was thrown into lockers and slushied," at Blaine's look of confusion, "You know the iced drinks you can get at gas stations? Yeah, I got those thrown in my face. Anyway, a few Neanderthals made it their own personal missions to ruin my life. Everyone in my school knew what was going on, but no one did anything. So instead of reaching out, I curled inside myself. I barely talked to anyone my junior year, and I talked to even less my senior year. I told myself that if I got out of Lima, Ohio, all of my troubles would be over."

Blaine just looked at Kurt with sympathy in his eyes, he blinked a few times and it turned to pride, "But look at you, you made it out! You survived, Kurt!"

Kurt nodded with a hollow laugh, "Barely. Throughout that time I really only had one person, my father. He became my best friend, my father, my everything really. I worked overtime at his garage for the money to leave Lima. He sat with me when I was alone on my birthday, prom night, and graduation. I opted out of all of it just because I did not want to remember high school. Through it all, my dad was the only person there," Kurt paused because he knew the next part would be difficult for Blaine to hear, "he didn't care that I was gay. He did not care if I would have been sexually attracted to a bottle of water. He just loved me." Kurt sat there in silence, trying to remember every moment with his father, "he used to throw me tea parties until I told him I was too old for them. I was sixteen," Kurt laughed, though a few tears trickled out of his eyes.

Blaine sucked in a shaky breath, because he knew what was coming soon, he knew Kurt's father was dead. "What…what was his name?" he asked as delicately as he could.

"Burt, Burt Hummel," Kurt nodded slowly, "the greatest man to ever walk the earth, in my opinion."

Blaine gave a sad smile to Kurt, "Do you want to stop talking about it?"

Kurt shook his head, he knew that since the wound was already open, he should just keep going. "I did," he paused and nodded; he had not truly been ready to start again. "I did go to New York. I saved up enough money, I got into Parson's School. I had friends, I had a boyfriend, Ricky, I had a metro card that wasn't one time use. I should have known everything was going to fall."

Blaine stroked over the soft skin on Kurt's hands, he could not say anything but he wanted Kurt to know that he was there for him, no matter what the next few stories held.

"Ricky and I were really good together," Kurt started, "he was the son of a Wall Street broker from Hoboken. He moved to New York to go to Columbia for pre-law and we met one night at a bar. I was completely different then," Kurt qualified, "I thought I was God's gift to everyone because a few guys were looking at me. When I saw Ricky, I thought the heavens had opened up. I was really naïve," he stroked Blaine's hands back, trying to show that Ricky truly did mean nothing to him.

"Ricky was really well off; like, insanely so. He paid for our apartment and we started living together. It was a good life, Blaine. I would compare it almost to the fifties houses, where the love kind of wore off between us, but we still stayed together for the kids. Meaning our cats," Kurt quickly fixed, knowing Blaine would jump to the conclusion that Kurt had a bastard son somewhere.

Blaine scowled, "Did he touch you, Kurt? Did he hit you?"

"No!" Kurt shook his head, "No, he would have never laid a hand on me. I would see later that might have been one of our bigger problems. The sex kind of fizzled out…"

Blaine could not help but grin, "We won't have to worry about that."

Kurt allowed a small squeal of happiness to escape his throat. "I'm sorry, that was undignified," he could feel his blush.

Blaine realized that Kurt needed a few minutes of something not so heavy so he laughed and soothed the man's skin again, "I've heard you make far more undignified noises that were glorious, Kurt."

Kurt blushed deeper and swatted at Blaine's shoulder. "ANYWAY," he sighed heavily, "I just need to get this out okay? I know now that you will not be upset, so I just want you to know. So you can make the decision that Ricky had to make…I just hope it isn't the same one."

"If he let you go, I know it won't be," Blaine said seriously, settling back in to the sofa and pulling Kurt towards him, "I figure you're going to need someone to hold you."

Kurt once again felt a surge of emotion toward the man who now cradled him in his arms. They were both silent again for a few minutes before Kurt started. "It was almost a year and half later when I got the phone call that my father was dead," Kurt was blunt, but he did not know how else to see it.

"Kurt…I'm so sorry," Blaine started.

"Don't," Kurt held up his hand, "Blaine…in my New York City living haze, I called my father maybe once or twice a week, if that. It had been a week and a half since I'd called my father when I received the call from the coroner that he was dead."

Blaine just breathed, trying not to apologize over and over again to Kurt.

"Blaine, he'd been dead five days. He lay in his bed, dead, alone, for five days and I didn't even realize it. This was the man who was always there for me and I didn't even call him, I let him rot," Kurt let the tears fall again.

Blaine winced but held Kurt tighter, "Baby…we get busy, and we do not always call the people we need to in order to check up on them. I'm sure your father was young and you couldn't have known…"

Kurt nodded, "It wasn't that I hadn't called him, really. It was the fact that Paul Karofsky, the father of one of my tormentors in high school, was the one to realize there was definitely something wrong."

"How?" Blaine was confused and wondered if he had missed a part of the story.

"My father owned a garage, I'm sorry, I forgot to mention that. It becomes quite important," Kurt rubbed his temple, "Paul was coming in to get his oil changed and my father wasn't there for his appointment. My father was always in the garage."

Blaine nodded, "Kurt, it wasn't your fault. I'll tell you that again."

Kurt shivered. Even Ricky had not told him that it was not his fault. Even Carol, his father's on-again, off-again girlfriend had not told him that.

Blaine still did not understand why Kurt thought this was enough to send him away, or why Ricky was out of the picture.

"So naturally I had to go home for awhile to take care of things, the bills, the house, the garage, everything basically. My father left me everything in his will. I thought I would be set for life because my father was a great businessman who had over half of Lima coming to his shop. It turns out that he had so many customers because he really was a big old softy. He did not make people pay bills he knew they could not. He never hounded people who were behind payments. He was falling behind in payments for the house, he had so much credit card debt it was ridiculous, and the shop was two steps away from getting taken."

Blaine was starting to understand, "He left you debt."

Kurt nodded, "I mean, if situations were different, I know that was the last thing he would want to do. But it happened and I used all of the money he left me and all of the money I had to make sure he had a proper funeral, burial, and that everything that held his name was taken care of with dignity and respect. It was the least I could do."

Blaine did not want to be insensitive, but a question was on the tip of his tongue, "Why didn't you just cremate him?"

Kurt gave another hollow laugh; it was a sound Blaine was growing to hate. "He didn't want that. He wanted to be buried next to my mother."

Blaine nodded in understanding, "That makes sense," he said, once again rubbing up and down Kurt's arms that were covered in goose bumps.

Kurt continued on, "I went back to Ricky and told him about everything. I told him that I was completely broke and he told me he couldn't be with someone who was poor."

Blaine understood, Ricky had hit Kurt in his dignity, the one place where Blaine knew it would hurt Kurt more than anything would.

"I couldn't stay in New York, obviously. I had no money and New York is a bit expensive."

"So is Las Vegas," Blaine reasoned.

Kurt nodded, "I pawned a lot of my stuff in New York and got enough to get about halfway here. Then I, um…" Kurt paused, "this is where it gets a little…you can leave me if you want."

Blaine shook his head, "Never."

"I traded," Kurt paused and Blaine could feel him shaking in his arms, "I traded sex for rides, Blaine," Kurt's voice was quiet, ashamed.

Blaine stiffened before he could control it. "Kurt," Blaine's voice came out tormented. However, not for himself, not because he was jealous of anyone else who got to touch Kurt. He was tormented because Kurt, his beautiful, perfect, flawed, and gorgeous Kurt had to resort to something like that.

Blaine hated the thought of Kurt being demeaned in anyway.

"I know," Kurt went to move away but Blaine encircled his arms even tighter around the small waist of the man, "Blaine?"

"You aren't running away from me, Kurt." Blaine said in a serious voice, "you made a few mistakes? Oh well, have not we all. And you know what? You are probably going to make a whole hell of a lot more and I probably will too. But if we both run away to new lives when someone figures us out, soon there will be nowhere else to run."

"You're kind of smart for a boy," Kurt turned and nuzzled his way into Blaine's neck, "can that be enough serious for tonight?"

"From you," Blaine said quietly, "Kurt…I think we need to talk about us."

"What about us?" Kurt asked quietly.

"I would like to be your boyfriend," Blaine said simply, holding his breath in once the words were out.

"I would like that too," Kurt pressed a kiss into Blaine's jaw, "I would love that."

"But," Blaine began, pausing for dramatic effect.

"But what?"

Blaine sat up and turned Kurt because he wanted the man to know he was entirely serious, "There needs to be a few ground rules."

Kurt nodded seriously.

"These go for both of us, not just me," Blaine bit his cheek, "No smoking, and no more alcohol. No running away. No sex with other men. We have to be completely honest with each other about everything. I think we should just both attempt to stay away from Sebastian. We are going to start building a life, Kurt, and I want it to be clean and filled with sunshine, happiness, rainbows, and puppies for both of us. I think we have both had enough sadness for a few lifetimes. Do you agree?"

Kurt nodded slowly, "Blaine, the smoking thing will be hard. I hate it, I really do, but it has become a part of me."

"I know," Blaine was once again more free and loving with his touches, "and I don't expect this to be a cold turkey, perfect fix. Nevertheless, we have to strive to make every single day better. Now, what can I do that used to make you happy?"

"Sex?" Kurt tried with a smile. The tightness and sheer nature of Blaine's tank top had been driving him crazy for the last few hours and he wanted nothing more than to tear it off with his teeth.

"No," Blaine shook his head, "we are not going to have sex tonight. This," he motioned between the two men, "is not about sex only."

Kurt whimpered in protest.

"We will have sex," Blaine soothed Kurt, he knew Kurt was afraid their relationship would turn into the same one he had with Ricky, "but not tonight Kurt."

Kurt nodded, thankful in a way that Blaine did not agree to sex.

"What else?" Blaine goaded gently.

"Dancing," Kurt said quietly, "I used to like to dance…but I never actually got to do it with someone else…"

"But Ricky," Blaine started, his eyes narrowing.

"Ricky didn't like to dance," Kurt said simply, "he would watch me dance."

"Well, I don't like to dance either but I will dance with you." Blaine sighed, "but we don't have music."

Kurt worried his bottom lip, "I have an iPod and speakers."

Blaine looked surprised.

"I couldn't pawn my iPod. It was a gift from my father and holds all of the things that kept me sane for years." Kurt explained.

"Okay, go get it," Blaine stood and starting rifling through one of the boxes for something.

When Kurt emerged from the bedroom with the iPod in his hand and his set of cheap speakers, his eyes lit up. Blaine had put small candles all over the apartment.

"If Sue sees those, she is going to send the military after us," Kurt said softly, his eyes sparkling to life with the flame reflecting in them.

Blaine just smiled and held out his arms, "Dance with me, Kurt."

Kurt placed the speakers on the coffee table and hit play.

"I know this song," Blaine said softly as Kurt situated himself in his arms.

Kurt blushed, "my iPod hasn't been updated in awhile."

Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be, nothing tastes as sweet
As what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair
round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

Kurt held Blaine gently but firmly. He kept moving his hand up and down Blaine's back, making sure the man in his arms was still real.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Blaine leaned in and softly kissed Kurt, not wanting things to get too far, but still wanting that connection with him. Kurt willingly opened his mouth and allowed Blaine to go further.

Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
Cuz I could fall asleep in those eyes
Like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways
a thousand times, no more camouflage
I want to be exposed, and not be afraid to fall.

Both men had no idea what was going to happen in the future. They had no idea if they could survive whatever Vegas had to throw their way. They knew that the conversation from tonight was just the beginning of a life that would hopefully get better, but was going to be hard as long as they stayed in the city.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will
For you

Kurt let out a giggle as he spun Blaine out and pulled him back in, their socked feet slipping on the floor slightly as they started playing around. For once, Kurt felt all of the weight lift off of his shoulders and he allowed himself to just feel.

If I could dim the lights in the mall
And create a mood I would
Shout out your name so it echoes in every room
I would

That's what I'd do, That's what I'd do to get through to you

Blaine dipped Kurt backwards, pretending to drop him before pulling him back up and into another kiss. They did not let this one go as far; they just cherished the feeling of each other.

Kurt couldn't help but think that somewhere, wherever it possibly was, his father was smiling down on the boy that very much saved his son's life.

Reviews?

Also, if you haven't checked it out yet, I have another fic called Daddies' Girls based on The Parent Trap that is COMPLETELY different from this, but you should still give it a chance!