I watched my children grow up, and every moment I questioned my choices.

I questioned having them. Never regretted it, though sometimes I thought I did. I always loved them.

I remember when I was short on money, and was desperate. I'd tried sparking for a while but given up on it, and volunteered for some experiments. I don't know how I couldn't have realised that I was sparked, and the things that it did to my first sparked daughter...

I've made my share of mistakes with them. More than. So very rarely does my kind of spark exist, and so very rarely do we have so many children of our own, a family we build of ourselves. And yet, here I was, blessed with five little sparks to care for, and i endanger them.

Many years have passed since I lost the mechs, living me with my femmes, my daughters. Laserbeak remains at my side; she is a loyal, sweet little thing, forgiving to a fault, and so innocent in nature. An innocent killer, and so very good at the espionage portion of our jobs. Despite what I've done, she still finds it within herself to love her carrier.

And then, there's Ravage.

Whats a mech to do when he looks at his own daughter, born from his spark, and sees nothing but hatred and rage? A ferocious, efficient killer of his own making?

I remember, when she joined me in the pits, a partner sometimes, then her own gladiatorial fights as a solo fighter. She trusted me then, was less cold. Her skills were high for her age, her light, Panther frame used to her advantage. She was so graceful. She earned income for the family with me and I was so proud of her.

Then, the war. I had my alliegences already. Megatronus was a fellow gladiator, an old friend, and a respected teacher. I quickly fell into his camp, with my skills as a fighter, and a saboteur.

My children came with me.

The twins were brute strength, backing me up as fighters, and later doing the same with their sisters. They were short for mechs, certainly, just a little older than the Scout that later haunted my daughters conscience, but they were fast.

Laserbeak was my intelligence gatherer, my little hacker and stalker. She took such pride in her work.

And Ravage was the assassin and sabatour. Her skill in murder was respectable even at a young age. But she did seem haunted, and I'd feel her guilt. I'd trained her to be a warrior, and she felt more like a weapon, or a tool.

I started losing her when, I later found out, she allied herself with my Autobot nemesis Jazz. He gave her attention I couldn't, helped her with a desire she later gave up on. Her bipedal form was a touchy topic, but one that he aided her with when I couldn't. Or wouldn't.

Then, we lost Frenzy, Rumble, and Ratbat. The forcible removal of our family members began to make Ravage bitter. Mutual mourning brought us together for a while, but as time went on, her emotions turned to blame. She blamed me for their deaths, me for her confusion, guilt and pain. She began to sink into darkness, torturing, killing and becoming more lethal. And when Stardancer came into our lives, the mistakes I made there haunt me. I allowed Ravage to become attached to the kid, fully aware of who's sparkling he was and what his fate would be. When, inevitably, I gave him to Shockwave for reprogramming it further vilified me towards one of the only sparks I loved most. She turned against me, refused to speak to me unless necessary, withdrew and hid in the silence we both cultivated as our masks.

She hid, and threw herself into her work with reckless abandon. I lost track of all the times Ravage would return to our base with wounds: energon dripping off her frame, scratched, dinged, sometimes limping, sometimes barely able to stand. She'd skulk off to the med bay, sometimes with the help of the mech called Breakdown, the only one she didn't lash out at. The bond between the two, I admit I envy if only for the fact that that is my daughter. The monster I've created.

I was shaken when she helped torture the Autobot scout so brutally. But while I knew she was capable of extreme acts of cruelty, having cleaned up after many of them, I never felt a greater sense than when, many years into our estrangment, I had to retrieve her from a bounty hunters ship.

She'd killed every mech on board, as far we found. A move that even I did not expect. And I'd seen her do horrifying things. Turn viciously on comrades, maim and brutalize targets, kill with so little hesitation. I remember, how once I had to comfort her when she killed.

I don't know if she takes pleasure in the kill. I hope not.

And that's not what worries me most. The commanders don't care if you give a few enemies a brutal death. If you bang up a few peers or underlings in a brawl.

It's Ravage's habit of making friends with Autobots.

It's the implication she gave to me that if she didn't feel obligated to stay with myself and Laserbeak, she'd have left the Decepticons. And the things she'd say, about how the badge had lost its meaning, how the cause had lost its way.

I'd feel a pain in my spark at the idea that i'd lose my eldest daughter to her madness. I tried to protect her. I tried so hard, and she's fighting it. Fighting me.

I failed them all, i suppose. And now, I'm in too deep, and I've brought my daughters with me.