(Optional soundtrack: Breathe in Breathe Out by Mat Kearney, recommended to me by a fan of the story! watch?v=g0KsiAzvGpE)
As soon as the door was locked, Daryl spun around to face Beth. His hands found her arms, sliding up over the smooth bare skin there as he looked down into her eyes, just visible in the dim light. "You okay?" He knew he should be more focused on their situation and figuring out where the hell they were and what the hell they needed to do next, but he was consumed with a desire (no, a need) to make sure Beth was alright. He hadto be sure she was okay.
He could feel her faintly trembling under his touch, but it felt more like adrenaline than anything else. He could understand that, his own heart was racing a mile a minute right now, after the unexpected attack outside. Beth nodded up at him, and replied softly, "I'm okay." He felt relief surging through him, but he didn't pull away.
Concern filled Beth's voice in turn as she leaned in closer, her own hands coming up to brush over his chest as if checking for injuries. "Are youokay?" He felt pulled in by the worry in her eyes; impossible to ignore even if he'd wanted to.
Smoothing his hands down over her arms again, Daryl nodded. "Yeah. M'alright. Feelin' a bit trapped, but it could be worse." They both chuckled and Daryl felt himself relax a tiny bit more in the confirmation that she really was okay. As soon as he relaxed that little bit, he suddenly becamevery aware of just how close they were standing. They were just a few inches apart, his hands brushing up and down her arms and hers resting on his chest. They were so close that they were almost breathing each others' breaths. Their eyes met and held, and he could see the same relief in her eyes, making something warm and unexpected flash between them in a way that had Daryl's breath hitching faintly.
It took all his willpower not to jerk back in response; but he didn't, because it was Beth, and he was trying so hard to be good to her. Instead he squeezed her arms one more time and then slowly (reluctantly) dropped his hands. Daryl ran his fingers through his hair and sighed heavily before he suggested, "Should figure out where the hell we are. Might have to stay here a bit, till those walkers clear out. Could be the safest option."
He cast a nervous glance at the door, unsure of how long that lock would hold against the press of walkers outside. It was Beth who came up next to him and said, "We could push something up against it, maybe block it off and make it harder for them to get in? There must be something around here we can use..."
Beth's words finally reminded him to look around, and he chided himself mentally for getting so distracted by her a second ago. He'd only wanted to make sure she was okay, but keeping her okay meant he had to be more careful. He had to be vigilant, he had to see everything. He couldn't keep getting distracted and leading them into traps like he had today. It was a risk to her life that he refused to allow.
(The last time he'd done that, he'd lost her. God, he couldn't go through that again. It would only hurt more now, to have her torn away from him after he'd seen her practically come back to life in front of his eyes.)
From behind him came her voice again. "Here." Daryl blinked when a soft circle of light appeared on the wall in front of him, and glanced over his shoulder to see Beth standing there holding a bright yellow flashlight, looking proud of herself in a way that reminded him of those first days training her in the woods. "Carl gave it to me this morning, before we left. He thought I might need it." She just kept smiling at him."I wouldn't waste it normally, but I figure we need it right now."
She thought on her feet, and he appreciated that. The woman she was in his mind now, so strong and clever and brave, was such a sharp contrast to the girl he'd once seen her as in so many ways. But there was no time now to think of how much Beth had changed, though, let alone how the way he thought and felt about her had changed as well. They needed to figure out their situation, and quick, so he forced his focus back to the task at hand and shoved those thoughts away for now.
Daryl turned slowly as Beth did, following the path of the flashlight as she illuminated the room they were in. The floor beneath them was linoleum, the walls were paneled in wood, and dust swirled in the beam of light as it moved across a long wall. There were a couple chairs against it, set on either side of a bulletin board cluttered with fliers that had curled and aged over the years without anyone to tend to them. Her flashlight trailed across a desk in the corner, covered in what looked like blank envelopes and boxes, and a big cup full of pens. On the opposite side Beth's flashlight illuminated the glint of metal in rows of little squares, and to the left of that an opening in the wall with the glimpse of a room behind where more white walls were just faintly visible.
"It's a post office!" Beth beat him to the punch with her exclamation, and he just chuckled. "We had one like this, near the farmhouse." She paused only a moment and he saw her swallow hard before she went on, "It was about this size, anyway. The postman knew everyone. When I was little, I used to have a penpal in California. I always got so excited for her letters, cause it was just so novel to me, you know? Every time one came in, the postman would call us up and Daddy would let me ride with him in the truck out to the post office so I could pick it up in person. He always handed it to me like it was the most important letter in the whole place."
Her voice trembled and he saw her hand tighten on the flashlight as she renewed her focus. She swung the light around to the desk by the door. "Look! We could use that, maybe? Clear all the envelopes and pens off, and move the desk against the door, yeah?"
When she pointed the flashlight beam at the ground and looked over at him, Daryl reached out to gently squeeze her arm, wanting to reassure her. She was pushing ahead but he could see the sadness in her eyes and he knew she was remembering her old home, her Daddy, her happy childhood. He'd never had a happy childhood, but he could imagine hers surprisingly easily. He could just picture her, all tiny and bubbly, blond hair bright in the sun and tied back into pigtails as she rode into town in her Daddy's truck, and bounced right in here, making everyone in the post office smile at her sweetness.
It took a surprising amount of fight to resist the urge to wrap his arms around her in a hug but there was still work to be done. "C'mon. Let's move that desk like you said, an' then we can see what else there is here."
He caught one little sad smile from her and then she was all business again. "There's probably an office back behind that opening, at least. I'd bet on there being at least one more room besides it, too, like an office for the post-master, or something." Beth moved as she spoke, setting the flashlight down on one of the chairs to point it at the desk and door. He watched as she busily cleared off the desk, though he didn't fail to notice the way she slid a couple pens out of one of the cups and into her bag.
(The sight brought back a flash of memory of her sitting on the ground with her back to a tree. She had her knees tucked up and that small familiar journal in her lap as she scribbled away, unaware he was watching. He watched her a lot, those days when it was just the two of them. Despite always be worried she'd catch him, sometimes he let her. It was always worth it, cause every once in awhile she'd brush her hair out of her face and look at him, and instead of seeing sadness in her eyes she would just smile at him all soft and sweet and happy.)
He'd left her journal back with her back, forgotten as he raced down the road after the real thing, Beth, the night she'd been taken away from him. He regretted that, but he would chose her over that bag any day. Even still, when he saw her slide those pens away he made a promise to himself to find her a new journal. She deserved a fresh start, without a doubt. Daryl filed that thought away as he set his bow down and moved to grab one end of the desk as soon as it was clean.
"You get th' other end," he instructed easily. "We'll move it over here, an' then I can get it up onto it's side." He didn't bother to ask if she thought she could handle it. He knew she was stronger than she looked. His own muscular arms tightened as he lifted the heavy desk and moved backwards, carrying it to the door with Beth's help. He wasn't oblivious to the way her gaze lingered a bit on his flexing biceps, but he did his best not to focus on it too much. The sound of the walkers pressing against the door from outside was a damn good motivator, and soon they had the desk in position horizontal in front of it.
"Watch out, now." With a grunt, Daryl gripped the edges of his side of the desk and began to lift it up, leveraging his arms to get the thing vertical. His arms strained and he grunted at the unexpected weight, but he was managing perfectly fine on his own, until suddenly he felt her slip between him and the desk and use her hands to help him lift it those last few inches. When the desk fell into place on it's side, he leaned in to grip it tight and stop it from tipping back over; the movement meant that Beth was practically pinned between the desk and his chest, which heaved as he tried to catch his breath.
"I was doin' fine, you know." She turned slowly to face him with a little smile on her lips, making it all the more hard for him to scold her. Especially when she was so damn close to him, making him think about how if he leaned in a little more he would feel her pressed right against his body.
"I know," she replied easily. "You're very strong." Her slender fingers curled around his bicep and squeezed, and Daryl bit the inside of his cheek to keep from making any noise in response as she finished sweetly, "I just wanted to help."
(Was she flirting? Merle's voice rose up from the back of his mind unbidden, and Daryl seized on all the control he had to silence his brother before he could ruin the moment completely.)
"Well." He scuffed a foot on the ground and then shrugged at her as he ran his hand over his stubble. "Thanks." Yeah, it wasn't much, but it was the best he could manage at the moment. Better than anything Merle would've done, for sure. He let his gaze linger on her a few seconds longer, and then smile flicked just briefly over Daryl's lips as he added, "Now c'mon, help me push it up against th' door."
Together they moved the unwieldy desk, lining it up with the door frame and slotting it in place against the door to wedge it in tight. "There." He stood back and brushed his hands over his pants before nodding in satisfaction. "Hopefully that'll hold better than just the door," he added as he leaned down to scoop up his weapon. By the time he had slung the crossbow back over his shoulder, Beth had pulled out her knife again and reached the door that led into the little office behind the opening in the wall. With her knife in hand, she rapped the handle on the door and waited, as they always did, to hear if anything responded from behind.
When they heard nothing but the groans from out front, Daryl gave her a nod and lifted his bow as Beth slowly pushed the office door open. Her flashlight lifted to illuminate the small office. The advantage to it being so damn tiny was that at least he knew in one glance that nothing was hiding in here. The walls were covered in notices and instructional posters, half of them curled and falling down. He saw a work station in the center covered in stacks of mail, a big bin off to the side filled with letters and packages, and little wooden cubby holes on the wall that seemed to hold the local mail, sectioned off to be delivered at a later day. A later day that would never come, now.
As he lowered the crossbow he saw Beth move to the wall and run her fingers over the little open slots. Her fingers dipped in and came out holding a square envelope that she studied with interest as she turned it around to peer at the front. "I think it's a card," she said softly. Daryl studied the look on her face as she ran her fingers across the careful writing on the front. He could see melancholy there, a sadness that twinged something inside of him as she went on, "I wonder what it was for. A birthday, maybe, or an anniversary."
"Doesn't matter now." He spoke without thinking and regretted it as soon as he had. "I mean-"
"No, I guess you're right." She shrugged and slipped the envelope roughly back into the slot. "I mean, it probably doesn't matter. Most of the people these letters are for, they're probably part of that group outside, trying to get at us. And the stuff in these letters, it doesn't matter anymore either, I guess. Birthdays and wishes, it's all nothing now, right?
"That ain't true." He hated seeing her like thhis. Before the hospital she had been so full of hope, so capable of seeing the beauty in things. He couldn't blame her for having trouble seeing it now, after what she'd gone through. Maybe it just meant he needed to help her, sometimes. Remind her. (Funny to think that he was the one giving her hope, now.) Course that was easier said than done, but he did his awkward best. "I mean, some of this stuff... You know, cards and letters from relatives an' all... S'nice. They cared, you know? These people." He gestured around him, and shrugged. "S'like a reminder of that, or somethin', that there was a time when people cared, 'bout their family an' loved ones."
She studied him just long enough that Daryl began to wonder if that had come out wrong, if he'd fumbled over the words again, but then her lips curved into a smile that instantly eased his tension away. "I forgot," she murmured as her eyes lingered on him.
Daryl scuffed his foot on the ground and frowned at her. "Forgot what?"
"How sweet you can be, sometimes. Underneath all that toughness."
His eyebrow raised as he gave her a doubtful look, but she just shook her head in reply, and he knew that look on her face now. It was Beth's 'I've decided this thing and that's that, no arguments allow' face, and there really weren't no arguing with it, so he didn't even bother.
"C'mon. There's a door over there, must lead to the other office, or maybe some stairs... Looked like this place had a top floor, maybe." The image in his mind was formed from a brief look over the building in the rush to avoid the walkers coming at them, but he was pretty sure his memory was right. He could just see it in his mind, the narrow little white building, with a window on top that looked like it belonged to a second floor. Sure enough when he opened the door after knocking, it revealed a narrow wooden staircase that hugged the wall and lead the way upstairs.
"I'll lead," he said firmly, taking the first step before looking back at her, "Don't forget to-"
"-close the door behind me, I know. I've got your back, Daryl. Now go on!"
His chuckle rumbled deep in his chest as he turned around, shouldered his crossbow, and let the way silently up the stairs. It was his turn again to knock on the door, hesitating long enough to make sure Beth was behind him before he swung it slowly open and stepped through. At first he couldn't see anything, but then Beth came up behind him and shown the light around his side and into into the small room.
It was an office, he had enough time to notice that much. A desk in the corner, a small couch against one side, a window on the wall, and... and a shuffling and groaning, off to the left. Daryl turned sharply, his free hand coming out to hold Beth behind him even as she turned to look in the same direction and the bright circle of light flashed across the wall to settle on an open closet door. A man stood there, or what had once been a man. He was a walker now, slow and sluggish but reaching for them with a low groaning gurgle. It took Daryl a second to figure out why the walker wasn't getting any closer, wasn't up in their faces trying to grab him, but then he saw it. A tie, wrapped around the walker's throat and embedded into his bloody rotted flesh, right to where it stretched back behind him to knot around the bar at the top of the closet.
He knew the moment Beth saw it, because the flashlight shook, and he couldn't resist taking his gaze away from the walker just long enough to make sure she was okay. She was bent over slightly with her hand across her mouth to stifle a whimper, but when she saw him looking at her she shook her head at him and stood up straight. She was clearly determined to show him she was okay, even if she couldn't seem to form any words to reassure him.
"Guess we found th' post-master..." Daryl shook his head and pulled his knife from his sheath. In one swift movement he crossed the gap between them and slid the blade into the man's head. One smooth thrust and the walker fell limp, straining on the tie where he was bound to the closet. "Shit." He looked from the walker to the door and back again. "Should move him out into the staircase, if we're gonna stay here a bit." The last thing he wanted was for Beth to be stuck in here, staring at a man that had ended his life, just like she'd once tried. Daryl grunted as he crouched down and then lifted the walker's weight onto his shoulder before rising to heft the body up and take the slack off the tie.
"I can help-" Beth's voice was small but determined behind him. He knew she wanted to help, just as he knew that the fact that this man had committed suicide was affecting her somehow. That was enough to have him shaking his head no.
"I've got it." And he did. He only had to shift his hands a little to reach up and slice at the tie with his knife while he balanced the walker's surprisingly heavy weight against his body. The snap of the tie increased the weight on his shoulders but Daryl adjusted quickly, and soon he was he gripping the dead walker's arms and dragging him out into the hallway. "There," he exhaled as he deposited him on the ground. Daryl settled him off to the side, hoping that if any of the walkers somehow got in here the smell of their little friend might confuse them, and then he quickly headed back to Beth.
When he came back inside she was by the window, obviously trying to keep busy since she hadn't been able to help him remove the body. "There's a little roof outside this window. If worse comes to worst, we can climb out onto there... Maybe get across to the building next door. I think it might have been a pharmacy, I got a look before we ran in here." She was silhouetted in the window, the sunlight outside streaming in around her. Daryl got stuck in his tracks for a moment just watching her, savoring the sight of her until his silence had her turning to look for him. To be honest, that smile on her lips only made her more radiant, even as it made the things he was feeling harder to ignore.
"C'mon," he said just a bit roughly. "Let's get this place as safe as we can make it, and then we can figure out what to do."
Twenty minutes later and they'd barricaded the door with the post master's desk, though only after Beth had raided it for supplies. They all carried spare food with them in their bags just in case of situations like this, but it wasn't much, and he'd felt relief when Beth came up from one of the drawers with a bottle of water and a couple bags of peanuts. "Thank the lord for people and their office munchies," she'd said, surprising a laugh out of him.
Now he stood by the window, having dropped his bag on the little couch. He could just see the street below from their vantage point, and it was still teeming with walkers. "They ain't gonna give up so easy. All riled up, can probably smell us all or somethin'."
Beth came up behind him and he felt her small hand press briefly against his back, right between the angel wings on his vest. Her voice was soft but worried near his ear as she asked, "Do you think everyone made it okay?"
He frowned for a moment as he peered out the window. Instead of giving her quick reassurance as he'd been about to, he slipped unexpectedly away from the window and nudged her into his place instead Coming up behind her with his chest just an inch or two from her back, he leaned in and said lowly, "You tell me." He gestured out the window. "Tell me what you see, Beth."
He didn't think he was imagining the way her breathing hitched as he came up behind her, but it was hard to tell. She recovered quickly and her breathing smoothed right back out and she seemed fine, so maybe it was all in his head... Though he didn't fail to notice a slightly rough quality to her voice when she finally began to speak, "I don't see any bodies down there... Except a few of the walkers we got."
Daryl nodded behind her in encouragement as she kept going. "That feed store across the street... The walkers are all crowded up in front of it like they are in front of ours. Someone probably ran in there." He tilted his head and caught sight of her closing her eyes, maybe to visualize the pattern of the group when they'd gotten separated. "Rick? And Michonne?"
"Good," he murmured, his lips near his ear as he matched her moving gaze across the buildings on the other side of the street. "Now remember, an' tell me where y' saw your sister and Glenn, and Sasha?"
She shivered against him again at the first low murmur by her ear, and this time he was sure he felt her lean slightly back against him as she turned her head to the right and pointed. "That way." He nodded again and waited, patiently, until he felt the shift in her body that meant she'd spotted it. "There's a walker down on that little alley between the two buildings, and blood on the side door of that little grocery store. You think they went in there?"
(He was proud of her. She was getting damn good at this. In fact, he thought she was something like a natural, same as he'd always been. Without the experience of course, but better at picking it up than others were. Considering the way she seemed to read every thought in his face, maybe that wasn't so surprising. She was a perceptive girl.)
"Yeah," he replied finally, his voice a little rough. "I reckon they did. Probably plannin' to wait it out, just like us." He looked up and frowned. "Sun'll be settin' in a few hours. May have to spend th' night, if those walkers don't clear out. More worried about the others. Don't want them risking themselves, coming to figure out what happened." They had a plan for what to do in situations like this, at least. The rest of the group would drive around and get ahead of whatever the dangerous spot was and then send scouts back to scope out the situation, so they could arrange a rescue, if it were possible. That wouldn't happen until morning, though.
He was still pressed against her back, and when she turned to look over their shoulders he could feel her body moving against his. It made him remember the feeling of her cradled in his arms last night and curled tightly against him and lord, that was a good memory. Daryl looked down to see her face inches from his, a smile on her lips as she said to him, "Least there's a couch in here. Probably get a more comfortable night's sleep here than we did out on that porch last night."
The grunt he gave in reply was the best he could manage at the moment, when his mind was suddenly filled with all the ways they might have to curl up to fit on that couch together. Cause he knew they would. Neither of them could sleep right without the other anymore. It was a thought that thrilled him and terrified him at the same time. How good it was, to have someone rely on him and need him the way she did, and how frightening it was for him to realize that he relied on her, too... And that it would be so easy for him to fuck it up and hurt her.
"C'mon." His voice was rough once more as he pulled back from her. "Let's check out every inch of this place and then, well... Guess we're gonna have to settle in and wait. Ain't got much of a choice besides."
An hour had gone by, and the walkers were still massed outside. They milled around, but with nothing else drawing their attention, they didn't seem to forget the prey they'd chased into the buildings. He was leaned up against the wall by the window, peering out and trying to keep focused. It was hard when she was right there, curled up on the couch with her chin on her knees. Sometimes her gaze strayed to the window, but other times he could feel the weight of her eyes on him.
He knew she was considering him, thinking about him or maybe something involving him. Maybe she was wondering why he was being so quiet, or maybe she was thinking about what had happened earlier, in the car. He didn't know what to hope for. A part of him wanted her to be thinking about that moment in the car, just as much as he was anxious she might be. Because he knew Beth. If she was thinking about something, soon enough she'd ask him about it. She had never been the type to keep quiet long, at least with him. Not unless something was really wrong.
Sure enough, when he risked a glance over at her, she seemed to take that as an invitation. "I saw Rick talking to you this morning..." She picked at her jeans, acting casual, but he could see the interest in her eyes.
"Mm."
"Was it about... Anything interesting?" He had an inkling she had changed that question halfway through, from 'about me' to something more vague. She was a smart girl, she'd have figured out Rick was asking about her. But she also wasn't the vain sort, and probably didn't want to come off like that.
Daryl just shrugged, but this time he caught the sound of a soft sigh from her, and felt a stir of guilt in his belly. Why was he doing this, being all quiet with her? She didn't deserve it, no matter how conflicted she made him feel. It wasn't like it was helping. She was the one who had helped him to start understanding that bottling stuff all up inside wasn't good for shit, when it came to him. So after a moment he gave a sigh of his own, and gave in.
"Was askin' about you, about how you're doin'. Mentioned that maybe he could ask the others t' ease of ya, you know, with all the touchin'." He saw her head jerk up, and he held out a hand to stop her. "Don't get mad, alright? I didn't say nothin' else."
"I know," she said softly, surprising him. "You wouldn't tell anyone anything I told you. If anyone understands when something is private it's you. Sometimes I think you take it a little too far, at least when it comes to your own thoughts, but in this case I guess I'm glad."
He chuckled, and it must have loosened him a bit, at least enough that he spoke more easily. "Anyway, he said he would. An' I told him to start lettin' you go out more, you know. Do more'n just watch Judith."
The smile she gave him was worth the words, both to Rick and to her now. "I thought he seemed different when he suggested I come, today." She paused, and gave him another one of those bright smiles that tugged at little strings inside him. "Thanks."
"S'nothing."
With a shake of her head, she asked, "That all he said?"
"I guess." Another shrug, as his gaze strayed out the window, "He's worried, you know how he gets."
"About me?"
"You and me. And us." He hadn't meant to say that, and the moment he realized he had, his brow furrowed. He kept his gaze fixed on the window, but that didn't stop her from asking what he knew she would.
"Us?"
"S'nothing." But it wasn't, and he knew that. "Just him talkin' nonsense about us, you know. Partners an' I dunno, emotions an' shit. Just nonsense."
When her voice came, it was so small, and yet the sound of it hurt. "Oh." It was nothing like when she'd said that before. Funny how that single sound, one syllable and two letters, could make him feel so much when it came from her lips. Right now he felt regret and guilt and pain at knowing he'd upset her like the idiot he was.
"Do you really think it's nonsense, the... the stuff between the two of us?"
Daryl shifted uncomfortably in place, his muscles bunching under his shirt. He didn't want to look at her, couldn't bear to see the expression on her face, the pain he knew he'd caused her saying that so casually. Nonsense. If anything was nonsense, it was his inability to make sense of what he was feeling, let alone cope with it. He felt like shit right now, but that was probably par for the course with him. It was hard enough to understand what he was feeling and admit it to himself, let alone talk about it. Roughly, he blurted out, "What, you think there is stuff between us?"
It came out harsher than he intended, and the guilt hit him like a sucker punch to the stomach. Idiot, idiot, idiot. Carol had told him he'd changed, that he was a man now, but maybe he hadn't changed enough. Maybe he was still a kid somewhere inside, an asshole kid who didn't know the right words, and fucked up and hurt pretty girls like Beth. Someone who wasn't worthy of a girl as perfect and good as she was.
Then her voice came from behind him, all soft and a little plaintive, "Aren't there? Feelings, I mean... between us? Don't you feel them?"
(What the hell's wrong with you? The memory flashed through his mind like the lash of a whip. Do you feel anything?)
He turned to her at last, and his breath caught at the look on her face. She looked hurt in a way that tightened the lines of her face, and yet he could still see hope there, too. Fragile and unsure, hovering in those big blue eyes as she took a leap the way he could never manage to do. His gaze held hers for a long moment, and Daryl couldn't help remembering another night he'd done much the same.
(Staring into her eyes in the flicker of candlelight that cast that perfect glow across her pale skin. What changed your mind? That sweet voice reaching inside of him and pulling the answer up, up, up, from where it was deeply rooted down in his heart. You, you, you.)
He hadn't been able to get it out then and he couldn't now, either, but there was a shift in her expression and he knew she was reading him again, the way she always did. She shifted on the couch, pressing both feet to the ground as she rested her palms on her knees and looked up at him. Her voice was still as sweet as always, but heavy with honesty and warm with that hint of steel strength running through it. "I don't know exactly what it is, but I do know I have feelings for you, Daryl. I know that I thought about you every day we were apart. I heard your voice encouraging me, always with me, even in the worst times. You never left my mind."
Beth pushed off to the couch and rose to her feet, but she didn't come any closer. She stood there watching him struggle to grasp the idea of Beth in that hospital with his voice in her mind. All his life he'd had voices in his mind, but they weren't never good. His mother, drunkenly slurring at him. His father, telling him in every possible way what a disappointing failure he was. And Merle had always been there, only growing in strength after his death. Merle had commentary on almost everything, and Daryl liked it less and less as the days wore on. As he spent more time with her, and the words in his mind seemed so wrong in the light of her pureness.
It floored him to realize that he had been the voice in her mind, and that everything he had told her had been good. Had helped her to get where she was today, here, with him.
She was still talking, and he fixed his gaze on her face, drinking it in like he was dying of thirst and she was the purest, cleanest water he had ever drank. "I know that you never left my side once you found me, and I know I never wanted you to. I also know that I've never felt better than I do with you. Safe, but also strong, and happy." She took another step towards him, and he felt like the string of his crossbow, drawn tight and taut, waiting, anticipating, ready for the loosening of the trigger.
He couldn't imagine that it would hurt, though, not when her beautiful blue eyes were fixed on him. "I know that in the car back then, after I sang… I wanted to kiss you. And I think it would have been good." The smile that crossed her lips was radiant, and it shot that bolt right into his stomach, only instead of pain it loosed warmth and a fluttering shiver he knew he'd never felt before.
Another step and she was just a few feet from him, looking right into his eyes. "So… I don't know what all of that is, but I know I feel it. I hope you feel it too, but it's okay if you don't. And it's okay if… if you don't want to talk about it. I'd never make you talk about anything if you weren't comfortable. But I think you should know, anyway. Cause you never know what's gonna happen these days, and... I want you to know. Just in case."
The second bolt was unexpected and it hit him hard, right in his chest. It pierced his heart, and it was his undoing, because that one hurt like a motherfucker. That one brought with it the pain of losing her, the thought that she might disappear again one day before he could find a way to understand what he was feeling, before he could find a way to let her know what he was feeling, what he meant to her. He couldn't bear that thought.
Daryl closed the gap between them in two swift steps. His hands came up to cup her face and lingered for one more moment before the one of them slid back into her hair on the opposite side from her bandage. It was all instinctive, because he was far from smooth about things like this. His awkwardness showed in every tense line of his body, but he had to do something.
When he breathed in, it was all hitching and ragged, and when he spoke finally his voice almost broke, "Ain't gonna lose you again. Never. Especially not without tellin' you..." He shook his head because he couldn't do it, he couldn't, no matter how bad he wanted to. And god, he wanted to. He wanted to understand what it was that she made him feel. He wanted to tell her why it scared him so much, wanted to tell her how unworthy he felt. And fuck, he wanted to find the words to tell her just how good he felt around her, right down to every last warmth sensation she made swell up in his once-shriveled heart.
He just couldn't.
He wanted to hate himself for it, but she didn't give him the time to. "Shhh," she whispered, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, her thumb brushing across his skin as if to brush away whatever painful unsure emotion it was she could see on his face. "It's okay. I meant what I said, Daryl. You don't have to tell me anything. It's okay. I know."
Did she? God, he hoped so. He wanted her to know, but he wanted even more to be able to tell him in his own words. He just couldn't, not yet. But then he heard a voice in his mind, and it was like none of the ones before. It was her's. She whispered encouragement in his mind, telling him she believed in him, telling him he was strong. And for a moment, he believed her.
He leaned in inch by inch, holding her gaze the whole time, giving her the chance she needed to pull away and stop him. But she didn't. She just leaned in to meet him, and after what seemed like forever and a second all at the same time, he felt his lips press softly to hers. It was everything he could have imagined, and a hundred thousand times better. Her mouth was so soft and warm, her lips so sweet against his. A thrill went through him and he instinctively curled his fingers tighter into her hair as he pressed his lips more firmly to hers.
That feeling was rising up inside of him again, thick in his throat, uncurling inside his heart and filling him with heat, like she was the sun and he was opening up beneath her light, soaking in those life-giving rays. He could feel her leaning into him, heard the soft pleased sound she was making against his lips, and Daryl had just enough time to wonder if he was doing the same thing to her, somehow...
...and then a cry cut through the silence of the office, muffled through the glass but loud enough to make them both pull apart. Beth gasped, and he allowed himself one dizzying moment to drink in the sight of her; eyes dark, cheeks flushed, lips just faintly swollen from his kiss. Lord, she was a goddess, and he wanted to drop to his knees and beg for the right to worship her.
But another cry from outside ripped that thought away from him, and soon they were both hurrying towards the window to see what the hell was going on. It didn't take long to figure it out. Maggie and Glenn and Sasha must have gotten impatient, or decided to try and make a run to it and get across the street to them. It looked like they'd tried for a break in the milling lines of walkers, only to get caught in the middle. They were surrounded now, walkers on every side, the circle of space around them getting smaller and smaller.
"Beth, my bow-" He turned to look and she was already there, handing it to him. If he'd been less worried, he would have smiled at how she just knew instinctively what to do when she was with him. From moments like this to her words just a few moments ago, Beth really was like... Another half of him. A partner, just like Rick had said.
Now wasn't the time to get lost in romantic thoughts like that, though. As he drew the bow, Beth reached down to pull up the window, trying to be as quiet as she could. It wasn't like the walkers outside could get to them, but they didn't want to make too much noise and draw attention either way. Daryl sighted down his crossbow, targeting a walker that was currently headed right towards Sasha. Breathe in, exhale, and pull. The bolt sliced cleanly through the air and right intro the walker's head, sending it tumbling to the ground.
He bent over to draw the bow once more, his thick biceps straining as he drew it back. When he rose back up again, he saw that his bolt had at least gotten the attention of the three members of their group. Sasha tore her gaze away from them quickly to stab at another walker coming towards her; they all had guns, but seemed to know it was best not to make noise and draw more walkers.
Or at least, Sasha and Glenn understood. Maggie turned and looked up and caught sight of Beth, and Daryl saw her mouth open, heard her begin to shout Beth's name. Glenn came up behind her just in time, covering her mouth with his dirty hand and whispering fiercely into her ear, before he had to let her go to whirl around and stab at another walker. Maggie looked angry, but at least she didn't shout again. He could feel Beth trembling beside him and realized how it must have been for her, watching their family fight for their lives and not be able to do anything about it. No matter how upset she might have been, Daryl knew Beth would always care about Maggie. He knew this was killing her, and he couldn't let it. He might not be able to express himself, but he could do his best to give her whatever else she needed.
"Come on," he breathed out, tugging her in front of him once more and handing her the bow. Maggie, Glenn, and Sasha were fighting their way back towards the grocer's foot by foot, so close to safety, but there was a walker coming up behind them in the alley. None of them had noticed, and Beth and Daryl didn;t dare risk shouting and calling more walkers to them.
"C'mon, girl. You've got it. I know you do." He whispered in her ear as she settled the crossbow carefully on her cast and sighted on the walker. "Breathe in... exhale... and..." He felt her take the shot right on cue and he knew it would be good even before it slammed into the walker's head. Maggie spun around, and for a second the wide-eyed look she had reminded him so much of Beth that he almost laughed, despite knowing it was far from the right time for that.
The older Greene sister's eyes fixed on Beth standing in the window, crossbow still steady in her hands with Daryl behind her. For just a moment he saw their eyes meet, saw surprise filter through Maggie's eyes followed by a flash of gratitude and respect. It was only a second but it was there, and then Glenn was grabbing her and pulling her back inside as Sasha reached out to slam the door shut.
"Well," Daryl said softly as Beth's relief made her collapse slightly back against him. "After that, we're definitely stuck here for th' night." The lightness of his words belied his worry for her. She was trembling against him and for once, she was just silent. Gently he took the crossbow from her and set it down by their feet. He reached both arms around her and carefully pulled the window back down without making a sound. Only once it was closed did he let his arms slide slowly around her so he could hold her like that, hands resting on her belly, her back to his chest, and her ponytail tickling his nose.
"S'alright," he murmured, soft and reassuring, "I've got you."
He might not have been able to tell her how he felt, or even understand it himself. He might not have known what to say about what had happened between them just a moment ago, let alone even mention it at all. He might not have any fucking idea what he was supposed to do about the myriad of feelings swirling inside of him right now.
But he could hold her. He could comfort her.
He could at least do that.
***A/N: GASP! Well at least it didn't end on a cliffhanger, right? Technically... although I did once again interrupt them at a crucial moment because I am a cruel, cruel woman. Sorry not sorry! :P Hope you all enjoyed it, and I also hope that you got a better sense of the mess that is Daryl when it comes to his feelings for Beth. The next chapter will be from Beth's POV, and it will HOPEFULLY come tomorrow. Hopefully.