Hey guys long time no see, took a break because of the holidays. But yea, I'm back now and here is the next chapter to Here I Am, I have an announcement at the end of it, so don't forget to read it ^_^.
Terra laid in her bed on her back starring up at the ceiling remembering that day when Malanna finally broke through nearly killing everyone she loved. Rolling over to her side she starred at the electric alarm clock which read two in the morning, and a picture of Beastboy and her after Slade was brought back to life and after Malanna did her initial attack. She smiled to herself looking at her wall calendar, which read that there was only one more week before the wedding. She chose out a dress already and it was in hiding from Beastboy so he wouldn't find it. It was hidden in Slades room, for many reasons. Sitting up in bed she pressed her hand to her forehead trying to stop the tears from coming. The anti-depressants she used to take made her wish she had time especially since sometimes had those days where it was hard for her to handle. But she refused for today to be one of those days, she had so much to do.
"Still in bed Terra?" Came Ravens voice, looking up she saw the girl standing there right in front of her.
"No...I've been up for a while, just....hadn't had the will to come out yet is all." She answered climbing out of bed walking to her closet.
"Are you alright, you seem a bit gloomy." Raven asked walking over standing by the blond.
"I'm fine just a bit off right now. I'll be fine later." Terra smiled her best.
'No you won't, you're never alright!' Malanna stated yawning as she to woke up. Terra rolled her eyes and she noticed so did Raven.
"So what's really on your mind?" Raven asked taking her place next to her friend.
"Everything I have ever done keeps replaying in the depths of my mind." The blond explained changing into a pair of blue jean shorts and a yellow tank top. She could sense that her face looked stressed.
"That's understandable, things like that go through my mind every so often. It's the thought of whether or not you can cope with it all." Raven explained placing her hand on Terra's shoulder.
"That's the problem, coping seems to never be in my dictionary. For a while now I've been ignoring the nagging feelings but...now it just hurts too much inside. I don't want to feel like this on my wedding day, but the closer and closer it comes...the hurting gets worst." Terra explained leaning against the door frame to her closet feeling the tears finally spilling over.
"Most of the reason is that you're afraid to really talk about it with your dad huh?" Raven asked watching as Terra's head snapped up and her eyes widened in realization. Raven was very much correct with her analysis. Raven smiled before grabbing the blondes hand and led her to Slade's room.
"Raven I...I can't....It's too hard." Terra tried pulling away but was already shoved into her dads room before she could do anymore protesting. Looking around she noticed that his computer was turned off and the sound of the shower running could be heard. Walking over to the dresser she saw he had a bottle of Russian whiskey on it with a photo album. Opening the bottle and smelling the alcohol she did a gagging motion and closed the bottle throwing it in the trash can. Next she opened the photo album, the title brought tears to her eyes as she smiled placing her hand over her mouth. It was a photo album of her. Going through the pages she came upon her favorite one. It was the day before Christmas and she had convinced Slade to go out in the snow with her.
Flashback:
"Oh come on papa! It'll be fun!" 6 year old Terra cheered grabbing her dads hand and dragged him out to the backyard. Groaning in response the man let himself get dragged out by the little rascal he called his daughter. Not uttering a word to her, the blond began showing him that she learned to build a snowman at school by watching some of the kids, before explaining that they then chased her away throwing snowballs at her.
"Terra sweetie, that's what I want to talk about. How are you doing in school by the way? Not with grades but friend wise?"He asked her sitting on the cold snow ground next to her. She kept her head downcast, her smile fading.
"It's fine, I don't mind being lonely it helps me with thinking. I get my homework done faster and easier and its less stressful." She explained her voice breaking as sobs erupted. "If they don't wish to be my friend then who needs them! All I need is you papa!" She cried using the back of her hands to wipe away her tears. Slade picked up his daughter and carried her back inside setting her onto the counter lifting up her hair that covered her eyes to reveal a bruise.
"Is that how you got this? You stood up for yourself?" He asked tracing it gently.
"Yes sir." She answered tilting her head downward in shame, lifting her head back up by her chin Slade kissed her forehead.
"That's my good girl. Never be afraid to fight for what you believe is right." He explained, the two of them blinked in bewilderment when a flash of light was shone, looking to the kitchen entrance their butler stood there with a cheesy smile holding up the camera.
"WINSTON!!!!!!!!! YOU STOLE MY SOUL!!!!!" Terra screamed out in horror.
End Flashback:
"I still can't believe I still think camera's will steal my soul if they take a picture of me." Terra giggled closing the book. Turning around she jumped back in surprise before having to catch her breath, Slade stood there dressed and held an amused smile. He wasn't wearing the mask anymore. Terra smiled back a little.
"Sorry for barging in, Raven kind of shoved me in." She explained rubbing her right arm and looked down. Slade walked over and hugged her comfortingly.
"We've all noticed you have been kind of distant Terra, not just with everyone but with your emotions. And I'm beginning to worry about you." He explained trying to sound caringly but that failed. Terra pulled away and turned to face the photo album.
"There is nothing to worry about father. I'm just fine, nothing to worry about." She snapped out wrapping her arms around herself taking shallow breaths. Slade walked up till he was standing right behind her.
"This is more than just being fine Terra…ever since you were taken off your anti-depressants by you begging to be you haven't been improving. And that is what worries me sweetie." He explained turning her around kneeling down in front of her. "I need you to tell me what's going on in that mind of yours before you end up hurting your self or worst someone you care about." He said again, Terra's wall fell right there and she wrapped her arms around his neck crying into his shoulder.
"Every day I fear that I might loose the battle with either my control, Malanna or against Grandfather and that I'll loose you again! You have no idea how much it killed me to send you into that pit of lava, but it killed me even more knowing I had to hurt my friends and to hurt you at the same time. My whole life I have never had a family where you could be in it. Now, I'm about to have that and I fear it'll all be lost once again and someone I love is going to die." Terra cried her fingers digging into his shirt, Slade's arms tightened around her and he cooed her to calm down before holding her at arms length in front of him.
"Your grandfather will NEVER kill me Terra, and I promise to never leave you again. But know this my daughter that even if I do die, you will always have me in here." Slade reminded her placing his hand over her heart."I will always be within your heart and soul so you'll never be alone when you think you are. And I know with 100% accuracy that it is the same with every person in this tower especially Beastboy, because he is the best thing that has EVER happened to you." He finished, tears were already pouring down her cheeks as she let every bottled up emotion out. After about an hour she finally calmed down and took a few deep breaths.
"Are you alright?" He asked smoothing her hair out.
"I'm going to be, thank you father." She smiled hugging him. Taking a few more deep breaths then the two of them joined the others in the OPS room where her brothers were kicking Cyborgs' and Beastboys' ass in video games. Raven looked up to here with a look, Terra just smiled and mouthed a thank you to the girl. Raven nodded her head smiling back before going back to her book. Skipping down the steps Terra ran over and stole BEastboys controller hitting a few buttons and cause him and Cyborg to win.
"There you go." She smiled and skipped off to the kitchen area.
"NO FAIR! You helped them!" Jon yelled pointing at her.
"Yea well it wasn't fair that you three had them out numbered now was it?" Terra asked with her all too sweet voice causing the older brother to shudder back. "That's what I thought." She smiled and went to making herself some tea, Raven joined her side.
"So how did it go?" She asked mixing in some secret herbs into the water.
"It cleared my head, but there are still somethings I need to talk about with everyone privately today…and you're next." Terra smiled looking up to her friend.
"Then shall we retreat to my chamber with the tea?" Raven asked jokingly holding up the pot of tea.
"Yes we shall." Terra cheered the two of them walking off ignoring the weird looks they received from everyone in the room. In Ravens room the two sat on her bed sipping at their tea.
"First I wanted to apologize for all the nasty things I had said to you during my betrayal. I had meant none of them and wish I could take them back." Terra began setting the tea in between her crossed legs so it wouldn't spill.
"You already have by letting me help you and for you coming to me first for advice so far since you have come back. Terra, you have already been forgiven. Why is it so hard for you to forgive yourself?" Raven asked looking to her friend with a troubled look.
"I do forgive myself, it's just all of this stuff has been bottled up in my mind and I am finally ready to tell you all, because you all deserve a direct and personal apology. Especially you Raven, I had built up a trust and then tore it down mercilessly without a care. But I did care, it had killed me inside out to do that, and even now it still does." She explained stirring her finger in her tea absentmindedly.
"You've been thinking about this a lot haven't you?" Raven asked, earning a nod from the blond in front of her.
"Alright, then there is no worry…So who is next on your list?" Raven asked, the two of them walking out.
"…Starfire." She said wincing at the thought of being hugged a lot. Raven giggled the two of them walking back into the OPS room, Terra walked over to Starfire before whispering something to the girl then got dragged out.
"Okay what is that child of mine up to?!" Slade hissed angry for the fact that Terra was acting very strangely.
"Maybe this is her way of reverting back to normal." Jon explained getting his ass handed to him by Raven when she stole Beastboys controller.
"Or maybe this is the first time for her to have normal emotions." Beastboy suggested watching the video game fight.
"Why do you say that green one?" Chris asked walking up with pop corn handing some to Michael.
"Back before her betrayal Terra explained to me that she always felt that she has to be someone that she's not so that someone else could be happy. She told me that from living in the tower it had let her act and be herself for once. So I can understand where she is coming from. She feels like she has a lot to make up for from the betrayal, even though none of us blames her for it." Beastboy explained, every eye had moved and looked to him. In Starfires room Terra sat in her dresser chair letting the alien girl brush her hair.
"Why all of a sudden have you decide to let me do the brushing of the hair friend Terra?' Starfire asked in confusion.
"Because I must make up for all the times I have missed. Besides we don't get to talk very much do we Star?" She asked looking at her friend through the mirror.
"No we do not, but that does not make us any less friends but I do appreciate it very much I do. So are you ready for the day of marriage?" Starfire asked smiling ear to ear. Terra groaned and slid down the seat.
"This process is soooo overwhelming and I feel like my head will soon explode if I don't take a break from it!" Terra stressed sitting back up letting Starfire put her hair up in pigtails.
"Then lets do the chipping in. We all wish to help but you always do the turning of the down on us." Starfire explained pulling up a chair watching her friend.
"I guess because of my depression I haven't really been all that likable but…you're right, you guys do deserve to help." Terra smiled and then was brought up into a hug.
"Oh much thanks friend! Shall we rejoin the others?" Starfire asked, the two of them walked slowly back. Terra stopped when she saw Cyborg standing there waiting.
"I guess everyone figured it out." Terra joked the two giving each other a high five.
"Yes and No, Beastboy shed some light on us all. And it made a lot of sense to us. Come on you can help me with the T-Car." Cyborg said pointing his thumb towards the garage. Terra's eyes lit up and she was soon already at the end of the hall, leaving Cyborg in shock.
"Come on lets go already!" Terra shouted cupping her hands around her mouth and ran off again. Cyborg smiled then shook his following the girl. Terra was already setting out all of the tools by the time he reached the garage. He remembered that Terra would always be excited to work on the car as much as Raven did since the Empath did help him rebuild it. Cyborg popped the hood and began tunning it asking Terra to hand him a certain tool when he needed it.
"So how has everything with you Terra?" He asked emptying the oil to change it.
"It's starting to go a little bit more smoother now that I'm getting all this negativity off of my chest. You guys have helped me a lot and I want to show my gratitude for it, now that I finally have the freedom and time to do it." She explained her eyes were half lidded and small smile graced her lips. Cyborg looked to her and smiled himself before setting his hand on top of her head.
"You already have showed us your gratitude by letting us assist you with your issues. We've always wanted to help you but you were always so withdrawn into yourself that we had no idea how to get you to open up. But when you sacrificed yourself and we finally took the time to go through your laptop and see the truth, we all understood why you did. None of us blame you, and therefore you shouldn't blame yourself." Cyborg explained handing her the wrench.
"Come on I'll show you how to tune up the engine." He suggested smilling at how her face lit up to his offer and she jumped right in. The talk with Robin was more nerve racking when she found herself standing out his bedroom door after cleaning the oil off her when she caused the oil to explode, Cyborg thought it was hilarious. Taking a deep breath she knocked on his door, shacking inside. The two of them left on a really bad note after their battle, she still remembers his words clearly.
Look at yourself, Terra! Is this really what you want to be?
I'm just never going to be good enough for you am I?!
What she had yelled at him was uncalled for since he was only trying to help and had been right about she didn't want to be the way she was then. The only that kept her from saying she didn't was Slade yelling at her through the earpiece and she panicked…in the wrong way. She never really had the fear of Raven not forgiving her, but Robin was something different. He held grudges much longer than most people. Thinking she was being ignored she began to walk off when the sound of the door slid open and a hand was placed onto her shoulder stopping her.
"Sorry I was trying to find my mask." He replied smoothly forcing her to face him.
"It's okay, have to keep that identity of yours a secret." Terra joked trying to giggle but it came out dry. This was harder than she had thought Robin was hard to talk to. Harder than talking to her own father; Robin chuckled a dry laugh before walking all the way out shutting the door behind him.
"Come on we'll talk on the roof. That is why you're here right?" He asked tilting his head starring at her skeptically.
"Yes, that is correct." She answered mentally slapping herself for sounding like a computer answering. They walked in silence as the both of the headed up to the roof, there really wasn't much to be said between them, and she couldn't blame him if he still held a grudge upon her. She'd expected and have readied herself for it for a while now.
"So what is it you need to talk about?" He asked once they entered the stairwell leading up to the roof. Terra sighed trying to steady her nerves.
"The night of our fight what you said about if that was what I wanted to be. My answer would have been no, but with Slade yelling into the earpiece constantly I panicked and reacted in the wrong way. I tried so hard…to switch sides…but I knew very well that it was too late to turn back. But down to the very end even though you guys fought to kill me... you all were still trying to save me. Why?" Terra asked standing in the middle of the roof while Robin walked over till he stood on the edge of the roof.
"Because we knew deep down inside the scared little girl who need help and had become our friend was still in there calling for us to help her. I had been the same way when I was forced into being his apprentice to save my friends. You did the same thing but to save your family, both the old family and the new one. Terra, you need to get it through your head that none of us blame you anymore. There was a time when we did but when the real truth finally came out…It was like a slap to our own faces that we didn't try hard enough. And now we're going to because I'll be damned if I let anyone hurt my friends Fiancé' like I did back then. Beastboy loves and cares for you and I'll stand by his side all the way until you are safe, because I know he'd do the same for me if it were Starfire." Robin explained turning and facing Terra with a genuine smile on his face, Terra smiled back taking a deep breath as the last of the weight on her shoulders was lifted and she felt the everlasting building negativity vanish within her chest.
"Thank you Robin, you're by far the best friend and counselor I have ever had. Never doubt yourself if you're a good leader or not, because you are. Everyone makes mistakes and you're no exception. No matter what your decision is, I will always follow it 100%." She answered before turning away and walking off leaving Robin in shock before he to smiled to know she had his trust and he had hers. Starfire flew up and landed by him the two of them sitting down and began watching the horizon talking over what has just been played out. Downstairs Terra entered the OPS room to see Beastboy was the only one in there standing by the large window starring out over the city; she immediately joined his side sliding her hand into his linking their fingers.
"So how are you feeling now?" He asked turning his head to look at her.
"At first when the feeling starting coming back I thought I was going to be wreck for my entire life. But…I remembered something that someone very wise once told me. It's my life, my choice, it's never too late to change. Thank you Beastboy for lighting my darkness when I couldn't see." Terra smiled hugging him tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Anything for you sweetie, I will never leave you." He answered wrapping his arms around her shoulders resting his cheek on the top of her head. Malanna sat in the depths of Terra's mind with a smile upon her face before vanishing to go get some much needed sleep, it had been a long day.
YEA! After three weeks I have three weeks of much hard thinking and a lot of writers block chapter nine is finally complete! And like Cyborg always says BOO-YAH! Until next time in chapter 10…OH! And if anyone wants me to bring the pre-chapter and post-chapter scripts back just put it in your review. And much thanks to Insinidy for all the great support ^_^