Chapter 9: Odd Thoughts

I awake on my bed, laying down with my feet towards the pillow in an odd position, immediately noticing Adrian is missing. I sit up, rubbing my eyes and staring at my hand for a few seconds, staring at the scars sticking out from it. I quickly try to take my mind off it and grab the phone off the desk, seeing a message from Adrian. I open my phone, going to check it.

I begin to read it. "You were asleep by the time I was done reading, sleepy head. See you tomorrow, though!" I smile lightly before putting the phone on my desk, seeing the book he was reading on it. I pick it up, seeing its Life of Pi as I remember...

I put it back on my desk and look towards the window, feeling an immediate sense of boredom, and my thoughts begin to lock onto the events of what happened.. I look down, rubbing my head. I begin to think about Adrian...

What is it I'm feeling? Most of the time my thoughts are about him or.. what happened. What is it? It feels.. odd. Yet, I can't pinpoint it. I feel so many things at once. Happiness... Sadness... Guilt...

But, what is it about him? I always have a strange vibe off of him, and he always makes me happy. Yet, almost nothing else can.. I don't know what I'm feeling. It's.. so many things at once. It's confusing.

Suddenly, the door opens and the doctor walks in, leading to me quickly looking at him, immediately shaking and my thoughts about Adrian being taken away.

"H-Hello.," I say in a shaky tone, flashing him a slight smile.

"Hello." He replies, sitting down next to me and going through a clipboard. He clears his throat, turning towards me.

"We have some news, Mrs. Hanako. In a few weeks, you will be getting moved to an orphanage." He flashes a friendly smile, yet I stare blankly. I.. don't know how to feel about this. What's better? Being trapped here, alone, with my thoughts? Or having to be in an orphanage with other children?

"After that, you will begin getting put in school. We hope you're alright with this change, Hanako." He smiles again before shuffling back through the clipboard.

I stay silent. An orphanage.. And a school? ..People... Everywhere. Non-stop. W-What's this going to be like? Will Adrian be able to come with me? What's going to happen?

He looks at me awkwardly. "Anyways, I'm going to leave you too it, then." He stands up, walking out and closing the door behind me. I put my hands on my face, feeling the scars and quickly taking my hands off before staring down, a tear falling from my eye.

I don't want to back to school. And an orphanage... Up for adoption.. is that what this means? That I'm going to have to live with another family?

I don't like this... Please... I don't like this.

I quickly go into a breakdown, beginning to cry silently, putting my hands on my forehead.

I begin shaking at the thought of having to go in public in front of everyone. Crowds, classrooms.. with how I look?

It... It only brings me back to my first thought.

Why did it have to be me?

Suddenly, the door opens and Adrian walks in with a smile quickly turning to a worried look as he runs over, throwing a bag onto the desk and quickly coming over and hugging me. I stay still for a second before hugging him back.

"Hey... Hey, are you okay? What's wrong?" He looks at me, asking in an anxious, worried tone.

"..y-yes... It's.. just.." I let out a sigh, hugging him tighter and lightly letting go. He looks at me, wiping my tears away and lightly smiling at me.

"T-The doctor.. h-he said I h-have too... go t-to an o-orphanage.. a-and an s-school.."

His smile fades and he immediately hugs me again.

"Hey... it's okay. I'll come to visit you regularly, and I bet that school is our one that we usually go too. Okay?" He brushes my hair out of my face, looking at me.

"..o-okay." I look at him, smiling lightly. He smiles, holding my hand for a second and staring at me before snapping out of what looks like a freeze and chuckles awkwardly, turning to the bag and opening it, taking a cookbook out of it. I immediately stared at it, remembering one of the things my friends bought me... It... was a.. a cookbook, right? .. it... That was one of the things they wanted to give me. That was one of the last things I was gifted before my parents...

"Hanako?"

I immediately turn towards him. "O-Oh.. sorry."

He frowns lightly, handing the book towards me, but his frown slowly turns to a smile.

"Here. You do like cooking to an extent, right? I picked this up on the way here. Maybe you'd like it, huh?"

I giggle lightly, taking it and hugging him again before letting it go, opening it and checking through the pages. It seems.. interesting. But... Is this the type of thing my parents would've given me? With all of these different things...

I quickly turn my head up, trying to smile at him. "T-This is great... T-Thank you." I smile at him and he smiles back, and his cheeks go slightly red. "Yeah, no problem." He chuckles, watching me read through it.

Could I possibly cook in the orphanage? ..No, no no... Everyone would watch me.

"Hey, maybe I can take you to my house sometime for a sleepover and you can use that."

..a sleepover...

Why do I like and dislike that thought? On one hand... I'd.. like to be able to use this. And be with him. But.. a house... What if the same thing happens to Adrian? I-Is it because I drag this around everywhere? Am I just... a recipe for disaster? Is that all I am?

He taps my shoulder and I turn to him.

"You seem to be zoning out an awful lot. Are you okay?" He smiles awkwardly.

"O-Oh, y-yes... I just.. h-have a lot to t-think about. A-And.. y-yes. I could t-totally use t-this a-at your h-house.." I smile lightly towards him as he nods, looking down at his phone for a second. I go back to flipping through the book and look down at the necklace he gave me.

Why do I feel some sort of thing? I don't know what it is. It's complicated. It feels like so many things at once... And.. whenever he's around, I'm happy. What am I feeling? What is it? I just.. can't figure it out.

I look at the phone in my pocket as well. How much has he given me... and how much have I taken? ..I've given him nothing in return. I feel.. selfish. Why does he do all of this without wanting anything in return? Does he feel the same thing?

"Oh, dear.."

"H-Huh?"

"Hey, Hanako, my family needs me back at the house, something happened. I can't explain, but I'll be back later, okay?" He turns to me.

"..o-okay." I try to break a smile, but I'm unable. It hurts to see him leave every time.. And every time he is around... It's like time just... doesn't exist. I turn to the clock for a short period of time, seeing it's 3 PM. How much time do I pass just... reading and talking to him? It just... makes it hurt even more when he leaves. I...

"I'll see you in a bit." He holds my hand for a second before letting go, walking out of the room. I lay back on the bed and put the book on the counter, staring at the ceiling, thinking everything over.

Every single thought... What I'm feeling about Adrian... My parents... The fact I'm going to an orphanage and a school...

I don't understand it. Any of it.

I close my eyes, trying to sleep and fade away, to forget about everything.