No Turning Back
Chapter 10: Exposed
Soundtrack: Coldplay- Fix You
"Santana?" My mom is yelling from downstairs.
I don't reply. I'm too broken to. I'm curled up in a blanket laying limp on my bed. Tears cover my face and I'm positive I look like shit.
"San?" My mother is calling at my door before entering.
I'm trying to stay as quiet as possible so she thinks I'm asleep, but no such luck.
"Baby what's wrong?" She asks with sincerity before sitting on my bed.
I finally turn to look at her and see she has her concerned pout face on.
"Mom" I weakly cry out before diving into her arms.
"Tell me what's wrong mija." She asks while stroking my back.
I'm not sure why I feel the need to tell her the truth but I do. I need to let it out.
"It's-It's Finn." I cry out.
"I thought you don't like him. Since when are you two having troubles?"
"No mom! He...He is going to expose me. A secret. Something private about me tomorrow, to the whole school!"
"Honey, no one will believe rumors. Especially from Finn. What is the secret? What happened to make him want to do this?" She asks with curiosity filling her tone.
I ignore the first question and pray she doesn't notice. "He...umm...thought I turned Rachel against him. " I say cautiously.
"What do you mean?"
"That isn't the point mama! The real problem is school. I can't go back there!"
"You can't miss anymore school."
"Mom. I just...can't."
"How about I call his mother and have a talk with her?"
"Everyone is asleep. It's 1 in the morning."
"How about I talk to your principal?"
"Oh please, he won't do anything. We get slushies thrown on our faces weekly and he remains doing nothing about it. It's useless mom. I'm not going."
"Santana, you're going. It's final. I'll drop you off tomorrow at school and have a talk with the principal. Everything will be fine. Trust me." She ends with a reassuring smile before she exits my room.
There's no way I'm going back to school. I know Finn will find a way to call me out. I know it! I quickly text Kurt "emergency" but that's useless, he's off getting beauty sleep.
I realize I have no one to turn to.
I put my hand over my knee to stop it from shaking. I've never been so scared to see my school before. I can't do this. I need a plan now.
"You know what mom? How about I do the mature thing and talk to Finn myself?" I ask with hope as we pull into the parking lot.
"Are you sure San? I can talk to the principal."
"I'm sure mom. Please just let me do this myself."
"If you insist sweetie. Just call me if he gives you any trouble. Ok?"
"Ok thanks mom" I say as I exit the car.
I can feel her watching me to make sure I enter the school. So there's no way I can escape now. I put my shaky hand on the handle and open the door. There's not many people in the hall so I quickly walk to the nearest exit. As I make my way around a corner I see it.
Plastered on the walls are copies of my letter.
I put my hand over my mouth to stop the gasping cry form escaping. I run as quickly as I can to the exit.
I don't stop running until I'm feeling light headed. I take in my surrounding and realize I'm at a park. A park I used to play with Quinn and Brittany at. Great.
I sit on a near by bench and finally let it out. My tears are flowing as hard as ever. How could he do this to me? Ive never gone this far to insult him. My hands and legs are beginning to shake. I need to calm down before I have a panic attack.
I somehow manage to find a cigarette that Puck gave me hidden deep in my satchel. I quickly bring it to my lips and light it. I inhale as much as I can before release. At least this is stopping my tears from pouring out like a river.
I close my eyes and try to relax, but when I do all I see is the letter on the school walls. That damn letter! The letter that I poured my heart and soul in telling Brittany every future idea and hope for us, such as where we would go for our honeymoon, what kind of house we would buy, and even what we would name our kids. I'm such and idiot!
The hard sobbing is starting up again. Everyone in the school knows by now that I'm just a rejected lesbian. No one will understand.
After an hour of crying I realize I need something fresh. Something new. Someone who doesn't know all the drama in my life.
Is it possible to just want to be with someone but there's no talking involved. As if just being near that person calms you down. If it is possible I'm sure feeling it.
I dig in my skinny jeans and I
pull out my phone and see missed calls and texts from Kurt as well as Brittany. I don't reply to any of them. There's only one person I'm trying to contact.
"Hello?"
"Hey. I hope I'm not bothering you, but could I ask a favor?" I ask with a shaky voice.
"So, I know we're not the best of friends. Yet. But what's the reason I found you crying on a bench?" Ella says, breaking the silence that was filling her car.
"I wasn't crying. I'm-I'm fine." I say. Hoping she can't hear the sadness seeping through my voice.
"Honey, I know what tears look like. I've had plenty of them. But I understand if you don't want to talk about it. We all have secrets."
I don't know why, but by her not forcing me to tell her actually makes me want to open up. But I don't want to scare her off with the drama.
"Kinda like the secret about why you're home schooled." I say with attitude. I didn't mean to. I honestly didn't. It just slipped out. Blame my inner Snix.
"If you really want to know why I'll tell you."
Before I can apologize and stop her, she begins.
"It was sophomore year and there was a party that a couple friends and I attended. It was getting late and we had all had a couple drinks in us, so some of the guys at the party thought it would be cool to play spin the bottle.
I agreed. I was stupid, I wanted to show off that I wasn't gay. I used to hate myself for being me, so I tried to be someone I wasn't. So I played. After a while it was my turn, I landed on a guy named Preston. Everyone chanted us on, so after our kiss ended he whispered in my ear that we should take this somewhere private. I looked around at my friends that were chanting me on, and once again I agreed.
He took me to the furthest room away from the loud party. We started making out but he kept trying to take it further. I said no over and over again and attempted to get him off of me... but I'm pretty sure you can guess what happened next. He wanted to "fuck the gay out" of me.
He got away with it. It's still on his record that it happened but he had connections with the authority. My family and myself were so outraged that my brother actually ended up getting in a lot of trouble because he beat him up a couple times. So he's also home schooled. We couldn't handle seeing his face around town so when my dad asked his boss to be transferred we ended up moving here...And that's my secret Santana."
I've never been so shocked in my life. So many emotions are flowing through me. I don't know how to respond so I ask her to pull over.
Once we're stopped I lean over and hug her so hard I'm sure it hurts. For some reason I don't want to let go. She makes me feel like my problems are so small, that I have nothing to worry about.
"I'm so so sorry." I whisper in her ear.
She pulls back from the hug and is staring into my eyes. Her eyes have glossed over as if she's holding back tears. It hurts to see her like that.
"Don't be. It wasn't your fault Sanie." She says with a smile.
I'm crying again but I somehow manage to blush at the nickname she gives me.
"You make my problems seem so small Ella."
"But they're still problems that you have. So they still matter. You still shouldn't feel obligated to tell me. Just when you're ready." She says as we pull back onto the highway.
"Do you want to come inside?" I ask Ella who is standing on my porch awkwardly.
"Yea sure."
I lead her into my empty house and up the stairs to my bedroom.
I watch her take in my room. Her facial expression doesn't look good. Does she not like my room? Is it too dark for her?
"I love your room. It's absolutely amazing."
"Thanks." I say with a smile towards her.
"So what do you wanna do?" I ask as I plop down on my bed.
"You said you have an awesome movie collection. So lets see it." She asks with enthusiasm.
I show her my movie collection and am shocked to see how many great movies she has never seen. I pull out a stack of movies that are must sees.
"Now I'll deny it if you ever tell anybody this, but I am also a big Star Wars fan. So I was glad to hear that you've actually seen that." I tell her with relief.
"Then I'm actually surprised that you didn't guess I was a Star Wars fan right after I told you my name." She teases.
"What do you mean?"
"My name is Ella Laya Ann. Laya as in Princess Laya. My family has this weird obsession with the movies so they named my brother and I after the characters." She tells me with a laugh.
After we discuss what episodes of Star Wars are the best I put in the movie Jaws. She's seriously never seen Jaws. She has a lot of learning to do.
I lay down on my bed on my stomach facing the tv screen , I pat my hand for her to join me. She ends up sitting three feet away from me. Is she not attracted to me. Did I do something wrong? I ignore my inner fight and press play.
I soon realize I made a huge mistake. We're at the part in the movie where the couple that is making out at the party sneaks off. I look over to Ella and see she is looking away from the screen. I can tell she is about to cry. God Santana why would you show her this movie? You're a fucking idiot.
"I. Am. So. Sorry." I yell out before turning off the movie.
"It's ok. It's ok. You didn't know." She says with her voice cracking at the end.
I move over to her and wrap my arms around her and begin stroking her soft blonde hair.
"I'm such an idiot. I so sorry."
"San. Stop apologizing. I'm the one who she be saying sorry. I'm ruining the movie."
I look down at her and see this broken crying girl. Much like myself. I realize this isn't fair. I know her biggest secret and she know nothing about me.
"It all started when I met Brittany." I began.
"And then I called you to come pick me up. And here we are now." I say wiping a tear off my drenched face.
After a moment or two of silence I'm getting worried. Was that too much truth? Does she still consider me a friend?
"Please say something." I beg.
She looks me in the eyes before I finally notice she's crying too. She grabs my hand before she's leaning into me.
I'm fully expecting a kiss. I even close my eyes. But I'm instead she kisses my cheek and whispers in my ear that I'm the "Bravest person she's ever met."
"Thank you for telling me San."
She never let's go of my hand.
"So what are you gonna do about Finn?"
"I haven't really thought about it to be honest. All I know is that I don't want to go back there. But I'll probably end up being forced to by my parents."
"So don't go back." She states.
"I wish."
"Homeschooling is always an option."
"My parents are never home. Who would teach me?"
"My parents."
I don't know how to answer her right now. This is a lot of information to process.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you off. I just think its a good idea. So you don't have to answer me right now."
"I'll talk to my parents about it tonight. But I'm sure they will be wondering why I don't want to go back to school. Oh my god what do I tell them?" I panic.
"You don't have to come out to them. You could just say rumors were going around the school about you."
"You think that will work?"
"Let's hope." She says with a smile as she grips my hand tighter.
"Now what do you say we drop all the heavy talk and watch a movie to lighten the mood?"
"Sounds perfect."
I let her choose the movie this time and we watch in comfortable silence. She take my hand during the scary part and I can't help but smile.
I can feel my phone vibrating like crazy in my pocket but I really don't want to let go of Ella's hand so I never check it.
It probably would have been a good idea to check it because I think I hear footsteps coming up the stairs. I quickly pause the movie and listen.
"Something wrong?" Ella's asks.
Before I can reply my door handle moves and in steps Brittany.
Sorry for the cliff hanger! I had to do it haha.
Keep in mind Ella's is played by Amber Heard. Don't forget :)
Dear readers I am SO sorry I took so long to update. It won't happen again. The Brittana break up really put me in a funk. So I haven't really been inspired lately.
Anyways on to reviews.
Heyalillengies12 - Uh oh. Here comes more drama.
Guest - Crap most definitely hit the fan. Bring in the drama.
hausofgaga13 - Haha who does like Finn? I apologize the update took so long.
Guest - Umm no. Haha sorry but that not where this story is going. Ella's not gonna fall for Britt.
britt-britt - Well now you know the reason she's homeschooled. Thanks for reviewing
1name2goes3here4 - Haha isn't that a song? Anyways sorry I took so long to update.
As always thanks for reviewing, favoriting, and following. It really means a lot.