Sorry for the late update; I had laziness issues, and Fanfiction was being weird with my account. Anyway, here's number 10, and Praxis's Cannon makes its triumphant return! There's also some Fairly-odd Parents references at the beginning, a Batman reference, a Family guy reference towards the end, and also more Ratchetness. And of course what random story of mine wouldn't be complete without Jak driving zoomers straight through walls and doors? None I say! So there'll be a fair amount of that, too.
Chapter 10: Chief Executive Advisor
Unfortunately for Jak, the Ratchet madness didn't stop that night. As announced in his speech at the ceremony, Ratchet said that he would be staying in Haven for the next two weeks, partially to take a vacation, but to also work on his next movie. Why the Lombax was starting production on another movie while the newest one hadn't even come out yet was beyond Jak, but everyone else was delighted to hear the news; and now Jak would be hearing of Ratchet everywhere he went.
The next afternoon, Erol was headed to the Underground to find Jak at Praxis' request, which he had told Erol to do earlier that morning...
(flash)
Erol was asleep in his bed around 7:30 that morning, dreaming of leaping through a field of daisies with Jak wearing kilts and holding bagpipes, when there was a knock at the door. Erol stirred from his dream, more knocking coming from the door.
"Erol...Erol," a voice, now recognized by Erol as Praxis, yelled as he kept banging on the door. There was a pause before Praxis yelled again: "Erol, I'm respecting your privacy by knocking, but asserting myself as your father and Baron by coming in anyway!"
Erol had just closed his eyes again as Praxis finished his sentence, when there was a sudden 'SMASH'. Erol jolted awake, looking over to see that his door had been forced off its hinges, landing in splinters, bits, and heaps all across his clean carpet. Erol also looked over to the doorway where he saw Praxis holding an ancient Greek column with a Ram's head on it.
"Sir, what did you do to my door," Erol asked. "And why are you even in my room this early?"
"This is my parental battering ram," Praxis responded. "I always use it whenever I need to get into Ashelin's room when she has the door locked; especially when Torn's in there. And, since you're my son, I felt the need to use it to get into your room, too."
"Praxis, I'm not your son," Erol said.
"As long as you live in this palace, you are! And so is Veger!"
"Veger's the same age as you," Erol said. "Maybe even older; so how can he be your son?"
"Hm...good point," Praxis responded. "Then he's my brother! We're all one big happy family; except for Torn, that is. He's not welcome here..."
"Sir, Torn hasn't even been here ever since you fired him," Erol said.
"What do you mean," Praxis asked. "I didn't fire him, he quit!"
"Father, if I recall," Ashelin, who had just now arrived upon hearing the smash from Erol's door, said. "You hired Torn as a secretary after he quit the KG, but accused him of stealing all the granola bars in the snack vendor. When he denied it, you fired him, took him and all of his stuff and shoved it into that cannon of yours, and shot him out the palace window. He hasn't returned since."
"Oh, pluurrp, you and your silly stories, Erol," Praxis responded, forgetting that it was Ashelin, who was behind her father and thus out of view, who had said that.
"So, what are you doing here again," Erol asked.
"Oh, yes, right," Praxis responded. "Erol, I need to see you in my office pronto; I have a special assignment for you."
"Oh, goody," Erol said sarcastically.
"I'll be waiting," Praxis said, turning and walking right past Ashelin, not even seeing her.
(Later)
Erol had walked into the throne room later that morning, Praxis standing with his back turned to Erol by the windows with his finger against his ear.
"What," Praxis asked.
"You...wanted to see me, sir," Erol asked.
"Really," Praxis asked again, not seeming to remember what happened earlier.
"Yes, you had a special assignment for me," Erol responded.
"When did this happen," Praxis said, still holding his finger against his ear.
"This morning," Erol said, his tone now becoming more irritated at his leader's incompetence.
"Where were you when this happened," Praxis asked.
"In my room! You broke my door down that I had spent months repairing from when you broke it asking me to you picnic! Are you that stupid!"
"Who did this?"
"YOU DID," Erol yelled, his fingers curling in anger, the commander looking as though he was about ready to strangle Praxis.
"No, it was probably Jak," Praxis said. "He does that stuff."
"AAAAARRRRGH," Erol yelled profusely, spit flying from his mouth and landing on Praxis's face ten feet away. Erol then, in a vast fit of rage over the baron's stupidity, began throwing random objects at Praxis. Of course, Erol wasn't exactly known for his aim when he was in a fit of rage, thus every object he threw at the baron missed horribly and either hit a wall, or flew out a window and landed on some innocent civilian or random guard below. He even chucked an innocent Veger, who had walked into the throne room to question Praxis about why his toaster had gone missing for the 10th time that month. Erol, of course, missed, and Veger flew out an opened window and landed with a loud thunk on the ground below. All this time, though, the Baron continued talking, Erol realizing after about a 30 second rage that Praxis had, indeed, not been talking to him.
"OK, bye," Praxis finally said, hanging up. "Ah, Erol, there you are; sorry about that, one of the guards found a huge hole in Ratchet's apartment this morning."
"You...had an assignment for me," Erol asked.
"Ah, yes, that," Praxis said, not realizing that the commander had destroyed his throne room. "Erol, your mission if you choose to accept it, is simple; find Jak for me and get him here."
"Why Jak," Erol asked.
"I have a special assignment for him, something that only someone with his skills is capable of doing. The safety of the city depends on it!"
"And that is," Erol asked again.
"NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS," Praxis suddenly spat, grabbing Erol in a death-grip and thundering off to the elevator conveniently located inside of the throne room.
"Sir, where are we going," Erol asked. Praxis said nothing as he hit the 'roof' button on the elevator. Erol wondered what exactly was at the roof that they would need; but then, Erol remembered what usually happens when people ask Praxis about his 'special missions'.
As the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened, Erol suddenly realized what was going on; for there, sitting on a platform on the very top of the palace, was Praxis' prized cannon. The cannon looked like it was from the 17th century, and the fact that it actually worked mystified Erol. How the baron could fit a whole person, if not two, into the small barrel of the cannon was also beyond Erol. Then again, this is Praxis we're talking about, who completely ignores the laws of anything. And indeed, Praxis had managed to stuff Erol into the cannon with only the commander's head showing, the cannon aimed straight down to city level.
"Now go find Jak and bring him back here," Praxis said. "And don't come back until you do! Otherwise, that cheesecake in your fridge is going to start, uh, 'disappearing', if you know what I mean."
Praxis then took a match and lit the slow string fuse, running to take cover, putting his hands over his ears. Erol wanted to try and put out the fuse, but he couldn't move his hands. There was finally a loud 'boom', as Erol was fired from the cannon at about 40 miles an hour; how the cannon actually fired that fast was also beyond Erol. He flew straight through two buildings before coming to a hard stop against the side of a third building, slowly sliding down the side of the building and coming to a rest on the street below.
And so, that had been Erol's day up until he had regained consciousness about two hours later. After clearing up the question as to where he was and what he was doing, he figured the best place to start was, where else, the underground. And, luckily, Erol was able to have Bernard, one of Praxis' servants, bring him his prized zoomer he had bought almost a week ago. He made sure he kept it in a well-secured place so that Praxis wouldn't take it out on a rampage or do something to it in a fit of rage or stupidity.
Erol drove to the Underground and parked his vehicle just out of view from the hideout door. When he walked around the corner, though, he saw something that made him both snicker and raise an eyebrow. For there, kneeling in front of a small flowerbed just outside of the Underground door, was indeed Torn, who was actually gardening. The fact that Torn actually cared about flowers didn't bother Erol, hence his suppressed laugh, but what did bother the commander was that Torn was gardening in a girly gardener's apron, yellow sun-patterned gloves, frog-patterned boots, and a dandelion-patterned hat.
"Erol," Torn asked. "What are you doing here?"
Erol continued giggling loudly, to which Torn responded: "What? I...I like gardening. What's wrong with that?"
"N...nothing," Erol said, regaining himself. "Anyways, is Jak here?"
"What time is it," Torn asked.
"Uh...12:16," Erol said.
"He should be here in a few seconds; he always comes by at this time to bug me about stuff," Torn responded. Sure enough, Torn had timed it right, as just a few seconds later there was a sudden 'smash' followed by a couple explosions. Erol and Torn turned around to see that Jak, along with Damas, of all people, had arrived in the Slam Dozer, and had apparently drove into Erol and Torn's vehicles, thus destroying them. Erol's eyes suddenly grew really huge and his pupil's seemed to shrink as he cringed at the sight of his precious patrol zoomer laying in charred metal bits next to the Slam Dozer and Torn's smoldering wreck of a vehicle.
How it exploded, however, wasn't like they thought; Erol and Torn both believed that Jak and Damas had hit Erol's zoomer into Torn's car, destroying them both. Strangely, Erol's zoomer was hit, but instead caught air, hit the wall behind Torn's car, fell down and hit the ground, exploded, and the ensuing explosion then destroyed Torn's car. Erol ran sniffling and sobbing to his 'baby', as Jak exited the Slam Dozer.
"Thanks, Damas," Jak said.
"No problem, son," Damas responded, backing out of the alley and, from the sounds of things, over a civilian or two, before driving off. Jak walked right past a sobbing Erol curled protectively around his zoomer and headed right over to Torn.
"Hey, T," Jak said. "Nice apron."
"What were you doing with Damas," Torn asked.
"Just have a father-son day," Jak said.
(shows clip of Jak and Damas going on a rampage throughout the city)
"Anyway, Erol was looking for you," Torn said after a pause.
"Why," Jak asked.
"I don't know," Torn responded. "Go ask him; I must attend to my daisies."
"Sure you do," Jak said, walking over to Erol. "Hiya, E!"
"Jak, do you know how much I paid for this," Erol asked.
"It's insured though, right?"
"Praxis's 'budget cuts' got rid of most of our zoomer insurance plans, so in order to get a new one, I'll either have to pay out of pocket, or steal one. Praxis also cut our pay in his 'budget cuts', and it already took saving a full 7 month's salary in order to buy this one."
"Oooh," Jak said. "So, what'd you want?"
"Praxis wants to see you," Erol said.
"Why," Jak asked.
"He said he had a 'special assignment' for you, and that the safety of the whole city depends on it."
"Don't those special assignments usually end badly," Jak asked. Erol nodded; now that he thought about it, whenever the baron sends people, usually Erol or Veger, out on a 'special mission', it tends to end in signature Praxis-based mass destruction to the city. Either that, or the emptying of Erol's refrigerator.
"You'd better go see what he wants; otherwise, we could wake up tomorrow without houses," Erol said after his thought.
"Yeah, good thinking," Jak said, turning to leave. "Later, T!"
"Gardening," Erol asked with a slight chuckle after Jak was out of hearing range.
"Don't tell Ashelin," Torn responded.
"Tell me what," Ashelin, who had just arrived to see if Erol had done his job, asked.
"H...how much...I love you?"
"Why are you wearing that," Ashelin asked.
"He likes gardening," Erol whispered into her ear. Ashelin blushed as Torn got really red; whether it was anger at Erol, or the fact that Ashelin possibly liked that trait of his, was beyond Erol.
"Uh...I...baolafodfdsafdsf...faslflllllllllllll..." Torn blathered.
"I have to...go..." Ashelin muttered, walking away.
"Uh...see ya, Torn," Erol responded, running as quickly away as he could.
"EEEEERRRRROOOOOOLLLLLLL!"
(Meanwhile)
Praxis had been pacing the floor of his palace throne room ever since Erol had left the building. Not only was there a gigantic u-shaped rut in the carpeting, but the rut had turned into a moat, the water coming from the sweat that had fallen from the baron; Praxis had been known to sweat profusely when under a lot of stress. Praxis was soon halted from his pacing by the 'ding' of the elevator outside the throne room door. Praxis crawled out of his rut just in time to see the doors open and Jak enter the throne room.
"Jak, there you are," Praxis said. "I've been looking for you."
"What do you want," Jak asked.
"I have a secret mission for you," Praxis said, stepping over his new 'moat' to grab a tablet by his chair. "I know it may be something you're not to comfortable with, by I need your skills to pull this off."
"What is it," Jak asked, uninterested.
"As you know, Ratchet is in Haven City for the next two weeks, and as Baron, it is my responsibility to protect such a high-profile celebrity at all costs. I have Krimzon Guards posted in every section of the city, and they will not let the lombax out of their sights, or else!"
"And this applies to me how?"
"Because I'm putting you as Ratchet's Chief Executive Advisor; basically, you're his bodyguard!"
"WHAT," Jak spat. "I hate the guy enough already! Now I have to be next to him all day? No deal, man!"
Jak had turned away by this time and was headed back to the elevator, when Praxis suddenly yelled: "Did I mention that he has to do EVERYTHING you tell him to?"
There was then a sudden 'SCREECH', almost as if Jak had actual brakes built inside of his feet; Praxis even spotted what looked to be tire tracks, but were instead the rubber from Jak's boots.
"Deal," Jak said, mysteriously appearing right in front of the baron.
"Great," Praxis said happily. "Ratchet's on a location spotting at Dead Town in 15 minutes; be there and don't be late..."
Jak had already left the palace as soon as Praxis finished his sentence.
"Sir," Erol asked as he entered the room just after Jak had left. "There's only one slice of my cheesecake left and I had a whole cake when I went to find Jak. Did you eat it all?"
"Oh, (snort), there you go bein' a skeptic," Praxis responded. "I didn't eat ALL of it! I just ate MOST of it!"
"But sir, I..."
"Don't make me put you back on sponge duty," Praxis said. Erol squeaked loudly and scampered out, eating his last cheesecake slice in the process.
(Meanwhile)
"Where is that new 'adviser' Praxis supposedly just hired," Ratchet asked his crew, who had been waiting very impatiently for Jak to arrive. Of course, Ratchet didn't know it was Jak that Praxis had hired; if he had known, Ratchet would actually be thinking the opposite, hoping that Jak had gotten into a serious accident and couldn't make it. They already had some awkward meetings ala the awards ceremony and Jak driving into the wall of his apartment; having to do everything that the blonde told him is something that made the Lombax shudder.
"He was supposed to be here 15 minutes ago, and..."
Ratchet was interrupted from his sentence when the whole crew heard a sudden smash; and, well, you know what that means. Jak had driven his car right through the city walls somehow, and had came to a stop, with the zoomer in question not even damaged the slightest, right by the set. He had also been to McSpanky's since the zoomer had a large bag with said restaurant's logo in the other seat.
"Ahoy, matees," Jak said with a pirate accent.
"You!" Ratchet asked half angrily and half surprised.
"Yep, I be the scurvy dog in charge 'a all ye'," Jak responded, still using that pirate accent. Ratchet then put his hand onto his face, unamused; his crew also seemed to share the reaction to Jak's humor.
"OK, so the first question is, where in the hell were you," Ratchet asked.
"Lunch," Jak said, pointing to the McSpanky's bag. "The drive-in line was slow as molasses, though; but, I got enough for everyone!" Indeed, Jak opened the bag and there was enough food inside to be able to feed the entire crew; or, at least Jak himself for a few days. Most likely what didn't get eaten was going into his 'secret stash'. "Who's hungry?"
"Uh, no thanks," Ratchet said, looking at his notes. "We already ate."
"Well, more for me then," Jak said as he took out and proceeded to eat a hispanky. When Ratchet looked up from his notepad, Jak was standing in front of him eating his sandwich.
"What'cha looking at," Jak said with a mouthful of burger. Bits of chewed meat and cheese flew from his mouth and onto Ratchet's face and notepad. The Lombax was about to go ballistic on Jak when he suddenly got a glimpse of the hispanky Jak was eating. Ratchet then got a really weird look in his eye, like he had just seen a ghost; or Qwark in his underwear.
"Is...is that..." Ratchet muttered.
"Hispanky," Jak said. "Want one?"
"Dddid...did you sssay...hi..hispanky..." Ratchet said, his tone almost made him sound deranged.
"Yep," Jak said. "The sauciest, meatiest, juiciest, cheesiest, greasiest, most delicious burger in the entire world."
Smoke was somehow bellowing out of the Lombax's ears, almost as if his brain was actually on fire, or short-circuiting; Ratchet even had that corresponding look on his face, much like a machine trying to process too much information. Jak also heard popping sounds, much like popcorn when it's cooking in the microwave, except they were coming from Ratchet's ears which led the blonde to wonder if Ratchet's brain was indeed exploding.
Ratchet suddenly snapped out of his stupor and instead a blank look on his face. Jak waved his hand in front of the Lombax's face, to which nothing happened. Jak was about to turn away when he suddenly heard Ratchet say quietly at first: "get...that...thing...AWAY FROM MEEE!"
Ratchet then proceeded to get out his mini-rocket tube and grabbed the sandwich from Jak's hand and shoved it into the loading mechanism of the weapon. Jak then watched in shock and horror, and also in slow-motion, as Ratchet pulled the trigger and the flaming burger left the barrel of the mini-rocket tube at over 300 miles per hour, flying through the sky and exploding a short time later, somewhere over the middle of the city. Due to the wind and height, bits of burger and wrapper were now falling from the sky and landing on the palace windows, on the streets, on buildings, in the port, and even in the stadium section. People were cheering loudly as they tried to catch the falling food in their mouths, burning them in the process since the bits were still flaming.
Jak was still gripping his face in horror as Ratchet cackled crazily and decided to go bigger and ran to grab the big bag from Jak's zoomer. Jak snapped out of his stupor just in time and ran in slow-motion with a "NNNNNOOOOOOOO!" over as Ratchet prepared to grab the bag and launch it. Jak got there just in time as he was able to grab the bag from Ratchet's hands, doing a roll before falling into the murky swamp water. Jak crawled out just in time to see Ratchet hop on his zoomer and drive away and through the security walls just like Jak, still laughing insanely.
"What was that about," Jak asked.
"You FOOL," one of Ratchet's crew members suddenly said. "Do you realize what you've done!"
"Nooo..." Jak said.
"You don't understand! When Ratchet left Dreadzone he became severely depressed! He soon became hopelessly addicted to fast food, online gaming, gambling, and daytime television!"
"Not daytime television?" Jak responded loudly, realizing now the severity of his actons. He remembered when Keira used to, and still does periodically, force him to watch her soap operas with her, including 'All My Precursors' and 'Guiding Haven'. Her favorite character was Rodrick, who had an evil twin brother with the same name and was always trying to undermine him. Just that thought made Jak shudder and realize how horrible of an experience it was for the Lombax. Also he believed being addicted to fast food would've made the Lombax extremely fat, which actually made Jak chuckle slightly.
"You must've given him some sort of relapse and now he's gone on a rampage," another of Ratchet's crew members said. "There's no telling what he'll do in his state of mind!"
"I'd better go alert Praxis," Jak said, grabbing another conveniently-parked zoomer, along with his McSpanky's bag, and driving off to the palace.
(At said palace)
Erol had, fortunately for Jak, gotten hold of the news beforehand, and was on his way down to Praxis's Garage, or what he called the 'Baron Cave', to report Ratchet's impending rampage. As soon as he arrived, however, he found his Baron hard at work on another one of his 'secret projects'; this project, however, seemed to be at the expense of Veger's toaster, though by now it didn't look anything like the appliance.
"Sir," Erol said as he walked into the garage. "There's something you should know about..."
"Ah, Erol, you're just in time," Praxis responded. "I've almost finished my new experiment. Come and see!"
"Is that Veger's toaster," Erol asked as he approached the workbench.
"Not anymore," Praxis said. "I've installed a turbo drive and some more fancy contraptions; now it will cook any frozen food to perfection in mere seconds!"
"I'd like to see that," Erol said sarcastically.
"You will now!" Praxis responded, taking Erol's sarcasm seriously. He then went over to his personal freezer and pulled out a box of frozen waffles and pulled two out of the box. After donning his mad-scientist-like goggles, Praxis placed the waffles into the slots in the super toaster and pressed down on the little handle-thingy. The toaster began making noises similar to an engine trying to start, rattling and spazing all over the workbench. After about 7 seconds, the toaster had stopped, and the waffles popped out of the toaster, cooked perfectly and landed on a plate Praxis held right under where they flew out of.
"Enrique!" Praxis yelled, throwing his fists into the air.
"Uh, sir, I think you mean 'eureka'," Erol responded as Praxis grabbed the toaster from the bench and held it out in his hands.
"No, Enrique is what I named it, not Eureka," Praxis said. "Pay attention for once, commander!"
Erol just shook his head as Praxis continued his victory speech.
"Do you know what this means? I'm a genius! People will flock to buy this kind of thing! Nothing could possibly go wrong!"
Indeed, Praxis had thought that he had invented the perfect cooking appliance; however, his dreams were shattered when his precious creation upright exploded in his hands. Erol had his racing mask on so it didn't affect him; the Baron, however, wasn't spared. Not only were his hands completely burned and singed from the explosion, but this facial hair was singed greatly; there was even a small fire on Praxis's mustache. Not to mention his eyebrows were burned off completely and his hair had thrust straight backwards and was all singed and frizzled. And it was all topped off by a nice black char on the whole top half of his body. Praxis coughed slightly as Erol lifted his mask up and licked his fingers and extinguished the flame on Praxis's mustache.
Praxis shook the char off his body, regaining his composure. He was about to weep in the loss of his machine when there was a crash heard by the two. Praxis and Erol turned around to see that Jak had arrived at the scene, driving through the garage doors and coming to a stop beside the two.
"What is it with you and driving through things," Erol asked. Jak just shrugged. "What are you doing here, anyway?"
"I was going to inform Praxis that Ratchet is going on a fast-food-destroying rampage right now," Jak responded.
"WHAT!" Praxis boomed half angrily and half shockingly, his voice shaking the palace and setting off some distant car alarms. "How did this happen!"
"It was my fault," Jak said.
"Figures," Erol muttered.
"I tried offering him a Hispanky, and..."
"You mean you didn't know about his..." Praxis started.
"Not until now," Jak finished.
"Then there's no time to waste. I'll be angry at you later, but for now, we must stop Ratchet before it's too late!"
"Quick! TO THE BARONMOBILE!" Jak yelled, he and Praxis running to the left of Erol.
"Sir, the Baronmobile's the other way," Erol called.
"I know that," Praxis said, coming back as Erol joined the two.
(Batman theme plays)
The three then hopped into the Baron's prized ride, now painted white instead of it's usual black color, since Praxis said that black wasn't inconspicuous enough; how Praxis even knew what that word meant was beyond Erol. Praxis hopped into the front, which now just held one seat, since the baron got sick and tired of 'sitting next to Erol and his unbearable body odor', which was just to cover up the fact he was the one with the bad B.O.. Praxis had also installed a replica of his throne chair into the van, taking the place of the original seat. Whether or not this was a replica or the real thing was up for debate; many witnesses say that whenever Praxis went for a joyride with his Baronmobile, his throne seems to have mysteriously disappeared, as if the baron had actually physically removed it and put it into the van. However, the throne seat is welded, bolted, and even cemented into the floor, making that seem impossible; this is Praxis we're talking about, though.
Jak and Erol took their places in the back seat as the Baron began revving the engine, the van soon coming to life as Praxis shifted into drive, punching the gas pedal and doing a quick burnout before speeding out of the garage, through the same hole that Jak had made earlier, and towards Ratchet.
(insert scene transition of a swirling screen with Praxis, Erol, and Jak's faces going back and forth)
Indeed, Ratchet had gone on a massive city-wide fast food destroying rampage that had many citizens fleeing in terror. He had destroyed everything, including Bob's Taco Bar, the Sub Hut, General Crispywing's, and UFO's Pizza. Now, only one building stood in his way.
"You..." Ratchet said to himself, eying the last building on his list of restaurants to destroy. He stood menacingly on the docks of the water slums, mere feet away from it's hallowed doors. This one plagued him the most; it was this very restaurant that caused Ratchet's downfall before, and he would not let it happen to him again. Yes, for him to have salvation and satisfaction, he must get rid of it...
Unbeknownst to the Lombax, Praxis had soon arrived at the water slums, driving that van of his at a record 65 miles per hour. Several citizens were forced to jump into the water to avoid Praxis, but some were unfortunate to be caught not paying attention and were never heard from again...for a few hours.
"OUT OF MY WAY," the baron spat from a loudspeaker attached to the top of his prized vehicle, as he zoomed through the wooden walkways that weren't meant for wheeled vehicles. The loose boards and uneven pathways made the Baronmobile vibrate and bounce horribly, but Praxis seemed unfazed, a determined look on his face as he was hunched over the steering wheel. It seems the baron believed that the further he hunched, the faster the car would go, but all it did was shift the weight more to the front of the vehicle, making it seem like the car was actually tilting forward. Jak and Erol also seemed unfazed, as they had been playing 'go fish' since they departed.
"Ratchet ho," Praxis commanded as the trio now had a view of the Lombax in the distance, holding his R.Y.N.O. in preparation for total annihilation of his target; McSpanky's. All three of them knew that if this building got destroyed, then it would result in a massive civilian riot. Any riots, especially ones that included Torn, Jak, Damas, Praxis, or even Gordon, were never any good for the city.
The baron suddenly stomped on the brakes, the van skidding to a halt many yards from where Ratchet was standing. Weather or not those were the real breaks or just Praxis's foot since most likely he had just put a hole in the floor of the van doing said action was questionable, though people watch say they could see sparks on the ground courtesy of Praxis's metal-reinforced boot.
"Sir, why are you stopping," Erol asked.
"It's a sneak attack," Praxis responded. "If we just charge head-long, it could scare him and set of an accidental discarge!"
"So what do we do, then," Jak asked.
"This," Praxis responded, as he hit a button on the dashbaord. Erol and Jak's seats suddenly shot backward as the roof of the van retracted, the seats then angling forward slightly. He then flicked open his shifter to reveal a red button inside. "Now go stop Ratchet before he destroys McSpanky's," he finished, pushing the button. Erol and Jak were launched out of the van at relatively high speed, Erol screaming and flailing in the air. Jak, however, seemed to be enjoying himself, as he was now in a laying-back position in the air.
"Now what," Erol asked.
"Keep him busy, I've got an idea," Jak responded, stretching out more so that he flew ahead of Erol, crashing into the window of McSpanky's. Ratchet saw the crash and turned around just in time to see Erol flying at the lombax, letting out some kind of battle yell. Erol then tackled Ratchet as they both fell into the water, a fistfight ensuing once they fell in.
(Shows brief clip of Jak wating in line inside of McSpanky's)
Erol and Ratchet had soon gotten out of the water due to loss of oxygen, and were now pummeling each other on ground level. Ratchet had soon taken out his wrench and was whacking Erol with it, to which the commander retaliated by mugging a passing Veger of his walking staff, and bashing Ratchet with that.
(Shows another clip of Jak, this time at the front counter ordering food)
Ratchet and Erol's fight now continued up the docks, as Ratchet had now resorted to using weaponry. Erol's pistol wasn't doing much, but he had soon realized he forgot he was the Krimson Guard commander. Erol then ordered all the available KG's in the area to assist him in subduing the Lombax.
(Shows short clip of Jak sitting in a booth eating his order)
Erol's strategy hadn't worked out as well as he'd hoped, as the Lombax easily gravity-bombed all the incoming packs of KG, sending them flying into walls and the water where they drowned. Erol had wondered how, even after all their intense physical training, his guards didn't know how to swim. Erol was soon shaken from that thought as a gravity bomb exploded by him, sending him flying into a distant building, breaking the door down. Ratchet followed as the fists came back out again, fighting inside this random person's house...
(Meanwhile)
Gordon was finally able to relax for once in the span of three days. He was now lying in his bathtub soaking, unaware of the crashing, banging, grunting, and glass-breaking noises coming from his door. As he started to drift off, however, his door was violently ripped off it's hinges, as Erol came flying into his bathroom. Erol was suddenly frozen at the sight; not exaxtly at Gordon, but at the fact that he had pink walls and a white ceiling and tiles.
"Uh...I can explain..." Gordon said.
Erol was about to respond when Ratchet came running in with his gravity bomb, screeching like a maniac. Ratchet leaped at Erol, another fistfight ensuing, before Ratchet accidentally pulled the trigger on his gun, causing an explosion inside the room and blowing out Gordon's wall, also causing the floor to angle downwards. Ratchet and Erol were flung out of the house in the blast, but Gordon stayed in his tub, as it slowly slid off the floor.
"No...no..no, no NOOOOO!" Gordon yelled as his tub hit the ground below and shattered, Gordon just sitting there nude in the puddle of water. Lamarr soon wandered outside and began to try and scrape at the water, trying to apparently drink it. "Eeeuh, that has all my stank of the day in it," Gordon said. "That's nasty."
(Meanwhile)
Jak had somehow fallen asleep during the course of these events, sloched in the booth snoring loudly. The employees and patrons and gotten annoyed so an employee went over and tapped Jak on the shoulder.
"Sir, sir," she said.
"Uh, ghh, hah," Jak asked as he woke up.
"Sir, you fell asleep and have been snoring for the past few minutes," she responded.
"Oh...wait," Jak said, suddenly remembering what he had came in there to do originally. He checked his bag that now held just one sandwich left, and got up and exited the restaurant.
Back outside, Ratchet and Erol had used up all there energy, the two being bruised, battered, beaten, etc., although Erol had without a doubt taken the worst of the two. As they lied on the boardwalk panting heavily, Jak arrived on site with his bag in hand.
"Where the...HELL...were...you," Erol asked in between pants.
"Eatin'," Jak responded, pulling out his remaining hispanky. Almost immediately, Ratchet caught scent of the burger, jumping up and reached to attack Jak. Jak swiftly dodged out of the way and grabbed the lombax, throwing him to the ground. Erol pinned Ratchet down as Jak began to bring the sandwich closer to Ratchet, the lombax flinging his head around. He, however, couldn't keep his eyes off of its greasy, cheesy, beefy, saucy, juicy deliciousness for long, and his eyes soon to get really wide. He then grabbed the hamburger and shoved it into his mouth, devouring it within seconds and laughing crazily, running off in a random direction hooting like a maniac.
"THAT was your PLAN," Erol asked. "To get Ratchet hooked back on fast food!"
"No need to thank me," Jak said, to which Erol got this really crazed, rage-filled look in his eye.
"THANK YOU! YOU were inside McSpanky's for TEN minutes EATING while I was out HERE getting MY ass PUMMELED! And all of a sudden YOU think YOU deserve THANKS!"
"Well I did stop him from destroying the place, didn't I," Jak responded. Erol was going to yell something back when he realized Jak did indeed keep Ratchet from causing a massive city-wide riot.
"But now Ratchet's going to be addicted to fast food again, and be obnoxiously fat and won't be able to act anymore until he gets help," Erol said after a brief pause.
"Oh, pfft, you're kidding yourself, E," Jak responded. "That'll never happen. Come on, let's go home."
"Uh, only one problem," Erol said as he looked into the distance to see that the Baronmobile had disappeared. "It seems Praxis has abandoned us."
"No problem," Jak said, grabbing a two-seated zoomer, Erol hopping into the passenger's seat. "Now...to the palace!"
(At the Palace)
Ashelin and Torn actually finally were able to get some alone time since Praxis was out saving the city, or destroying it, and were currently lying on Ashelin's bed reading her latest issue of 'Teen Buzz Weekly'. However, that silence soon stopped as there was a knock at her door. The two ignored it, and eventually the knocking went away. Unfortunately for Ashelin's door, that pause soon followed with a 'smash', to which said door, just like Erol's door earlier that morning, was forced off its hinges and landed in splintered heaps all over Ashelin's red carpet. Praxis had then appeared inside the doorway holding his 'parental battering ram'.
"Erm, I can...explain..." Torn said with a cheeky smile.
"YOU AGAIN," Praxis spat. "I thought I got rid of you for good last time..."
"Eh, I...erm, it's...not what you'd think..." Torn stammered. Praxis then spotted a granola bar by Torn.
"And you've been stealing my granola bars yet AGAIN YOU SCOUNDRAL!"
"Whoa, dude, this isn't from here, I brought this from home, I swear," Torn responded.
"LIES," Praxis spat, grabbing Torn from Ashelin's bed and booming off to the elevator. Ashelin just put her face in her hands as minutes later a 'Kaboom' was heard, followed by a high-pitched, girly scream she assumed was Torn's as he flew through the sky and landed somewhere in the slums. Ashelin just leaned back in her bed wondering what would happen if her and Torn were married...
(Meanwhile)
"Welcome to McSpanky's, how may we spank your order," The girl at the counter inside McSpanky's asked the next customer.
"TEN TRILLION HITHPANKEEESSS!"
The counter girl looked up to see that Ratchet was leaning over the counter with a deranged, crazed look in his eyes, foaming at the mouth slightly. She also saw that Ratchet had pushed, wrenched, and even shot away and injured several people in line before him.
"Uh, sir, I don't think we can make that many in one sitting," the counter girl responded. Ratchet then pointed his RYNO at the girl. "Fejj, can you make this one quick?"
"No problem, dude," Fejj responded from the back, and somehow within five minutes he had managed to make Ratchet's order, if you would call it that. The thing was that they had to get dollies and several large crates to haul all those burgers into a large truck and then ship it over to Ratchet's apartment.
"You're total is 15 trillion orbs," the counter girl said after the last of the burgers was hauled out. Ratchet threw down a gigantic sack of orbs onto the table and ran off like a maniac to his 'pretties'. How Ratchet had 15 trillion orbs readily available was beyond everyone inside the restaurant. Some say it was his earnings from all his movies stashed away, some even say he mugged everyone inside the restaurant and some outside, even Veger who was still out from the beating he took from Erol. And some say that Praxis gave it to him. None the less, he would jump into the back of the truck and begin going to town on those sandwiches, getting obnoxiously fat in the process, and would have to be lifted out of the truck with heavy machinery...
Does anyone else wonder why the Krimson Guards can't swim when they fall into water but the citizens can? Don't forget to review while pondering that thought.