Blood Wedding - Persist
Summary: She swore she would find him. But as she turned, it was not he she was looking at. In a battle against a beast it is hard to stay human.
Disclaimer: I don't own RK, not now or ever.
Author: This one is pretty much over with this one. Just a small epilogue left and
this part is over.
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Chapter 10: And reveal to me my true name
Rating: PG
Bring me home or leave me be
My love in the dark heart of the night
I have lost the path before me
The one behind will lead me
Nightwish - Once - Ghost Love Score
The sun had set.
Misao was sitting on the roof of the house, looking at the stars. She remembered the countless of nights that she done this back on Kyoto, always wondering if Aoshi-sama was staring at the same stars as she was.
And she wondered the same thing even now.
There was a small breeze running around, ready to tussle her hair. She had freed it from the convenient braid and allowed the long stresses to surround her. She had even comped through it which had been a major pain. For a while she had just considered cutting it short but she had been growing it ever since Aoshi-sama had left. It still felt wrong to cut it.
She felt the people in their rooms, getting ready for bed. But they didn't awake the bloodlust in her. She was sated and knew it would last for about three to four days before she would feel hunger again. A week before she absolutely had to drink. How she knew this now, she couldn't put to words. There were many leftovers, bits of information, from the connection with Sho.
Sho's blood had been only a minor help, Gin's had broken the starvation but it was Shin's that had chased away the hunger. Of course if she engaged in something that took a lot of energy, the hunger would return sooner.
She had to learn to cherish the blood they gave her and stop useless visits to sunny places.
Misao sighed and directed her eyes back to the cloudless sky. The stars were still the same as before. Probably nothing had changed, just she was different. And she could no longer see the world as same.
Her sight was flawless and her hearing was sharper. It had grown too sharp in her opinion as she could hear the rustle of clothes from the room under her. Because of the ninja training she already had a shaper hearing than most people, now she could probably hear better than animals. It could be a great asset or just a pain in the butt.
But thanks to it, she heard his clothes before she felt him close.
Sho was probably worried about her. It was no wonder considering how she had reacted after she had bit Gin. It was nice to have him worrying about her, caring about her. It made her all warm inside. Without him, she would have given up already.
He didn't try to sneak up on her, just came up there and sat next to her. He probably knew that she would hear him coming even if he tried to be silent.
"I had many guesses considering your clothing but ninja was not one of them." He said cheerfully.
She turned to look at him and not even her stern face could quiet his cheerfulness.
Misao sighed and smiled a little. "Yeah. Most people I meet never seem to believe me when I tell them. I guess I am too small... or just the fact that I am a woman. Or there is just something in me... unfit to be a ninja and everyone can sense it."
Her words were bitter, reflecting her thoughts. She hoped that he would stay quiet but knew he wouldn't.
"Could you tell me about it? About your life?" There was a pleading undercurrent in his voice and she considered it. Somehow she had a feeling that he wasn't asking because he wanted to know but perhaps because he wanted her to remember. There really was no harm in telling him though and she kind of wanted to talk about it anyway. At least.. about the happier times.
"I... My grandfather was a great shinobi and the ruler of our clan, oniwabanshu. He died when I was real small, so did my parents. After my grandfather passed away, Aoshi-sama took his place as our leader. I was only a child at the time but he too was only 13 years old. But he stood there and when he commanded, everyone obeyed. It was awesome. I admire him so. Aoshi-sama is incredibly strong and very smart. He took care of me after my family had died. He and his friends."
Nostalgia filled her. "Beshimi. He is small and could easily spy on others. He taught me how move silently. Shikijou is very tall power fighter. Even bigger than Shin-san. Hyottoko used to breath fire for me. He is a big man too, though round more than tall. He always made the summer festivals so much more interesting. I... have never feared fire because he made it seem natural and friendly. Just something I shouldn't play with."
She stopped and her smile grew. "Hannya is Aoshi-sama's best warrior. People are always afraid of him because he wears this white demon mask. Yet behind it, he has a kind heart. He taught me kenpo and even after they left I tried to keep up my skills though others wouldn't teach me."
She paused and Sho pondered. "Left?"
Misao nodded. "I was six. Asleep and when I woke, they were gone. They left me with Okina, one of the senior members. I remember I cried. I wanted to go with them. I actually tried running after them but I was caught before I had crossed the street. Running away from a house full of shinobi when you are six years old is a challenge. Okina. Omasu. Okon. Shiro. Kuro. None of them could foresee me running away again and again after I grew older. Even now..."
Misao pulled one of her trusted kunai from her obi. "They didn't want me trained. The times are changing, the time of shinobi is becoming just a memory. I know that but I still couldn't throw away the shinobi in me. Somehow.. I felt that if I cut that part of myself away, then I would lose my connection to Aoshi-sama."
"And perhaps a piece of yourself..." Sho muttered silently and Misao nodded, hearing every word.
"I can't don a kimono and pretend that it is me. They tried really hard but I kept running away. I... want to find Aoshi-sama and the others. I want to travel with them, share their adventures..." The wish was still there. She bit her lips, careful not to bite through skin. It was becoming a habit even now that her vampire teeth were hidden.
"They are the most important people in my life. I love them." Her heart was breaking. She still loved them, they were still so very important to her.
Angrily she shook her head. "But I can't, can I... Not as I am now. I failed. If only I had been stronger that night..." If only she had been stronger, then they wouldn't have been able to bite her, leaving her to wait for this faith, this new form Sho bestowed upon her.
Sho pondered for a moment, perhaps noting that she didn't blame him but herself. His eyes on the stars the cloudless night eagerly showed to all who bothered to look. Then he seemed to have organized his thoughts and turned his gaze upon her. "Why not?"
"What?" Misao stared at him with wide eyes filled with hurt.
"What is stopping you from searching them out? What stops you from returning home?" There was no lie in his eyes. Only sincere question.
"What are you talking about?! Of course I can't appear before them as I am now!" She yelled at him. What kind of game was he playing now? Twisting a knife in her heart with ease. He should understand how much his words and promises of future, that would never come, would hurt her.
"Why not? Why should you tell them that anything has changed?"
"What...?" There was sense in his words. She hadn't even though about it that way, just deemed it impossible from the start. But it was true that if she never told them anything... they might never know.
"As long as you keep your fangs hidden and red tears in check, no one will think of you as anything other than human. You can always feed in secret and there is no reason for them to know that could punch holes to walls if you wanted to." He was smiling kindly and explained like to a child.
Misao just stared at him, her mouth hanging open.
Was he telling her to hide what she was and just go...
"Misao. When you spoke of them, your eyes sparkled. Your mouth curved into a smile and your words were... carefree. The way I see it, your happiness lies with them. What is stopping you?"
There was fire in his words and she drank the hope they gave to her.
"You died. Yes, you rose up as a person who needs blood to live and has strength enough to overcome an army. Well, perhaps not yet unless it is small army. That shouldn't stop you from being happy. We are dead so we live until someone brings Eternal Dark to us. My years are not counted in tens or in hundreds but in thousands. You think that living forever is any fun without happiness? I don't think we are undeserving of it. We are just... different. Sure we need blood. But there are people you give it out of their own free will. We don't need to kill humans to live."
He took a tight hold of her shoulders. "We don't need to kill to live!" His eyes were serious and powerful. She trembled at the power he held, felt it on her skin and deep beneath... They seemed to be lit with blue fire.
And as looked into those pools of liquid fire, she had to listen to his calm strong voice. It was his command. "Misao. Please. Go find your sparkle, your life. Just remember that you don't age and you are fine. I know that going there for few years may not be enough and may just leave you wanting for more. But you are young so I would say that for 3-5 years you can easily pretend that nothing has changed. And find your family again." And perhaps your happiness and joy as well, his voice seemed to be whispering.
He took her head between his hands and gave her a small kiss on her forehead.
"Think about my words. Find your love. Your happiness. Your hope." He whispered and left her alone with her thoughts.
And she thought.
She had automatically presumed that she had to leave everything behind now, that there was no way she could ever appear before them ever again. She was dead, a corpse with a spark of life in it. How could she ever face them proudly? Hadn't she lost that right when she lost her life?
Yet Sho didn't think so. He thought it was possible and wasn't it him that had more experience? Who had lived like this for over thousand years? If he said it was alright, that she would be fine...
Would it be alright?
Could she do it? Lie to their faces as if nothing was wrong, nothing had chanced?
She had always been a poor liar, caught every time she tried to lie or hide her bad doings. Now she would have to lie about everything! Strangers were one thing but to her family...
Misao was not ignorant. She knew that shinobi lied, stole and killed. Yet she had always been taught to honor life and honesty. Of course, she had tried out her pickpocketing skills once or twice and didn't feel that bad about taking things from someone.
But taking a life was another thing. There was always someone left mourning and she hated the thought she might be the reason of someone's tears.
Sho had assured her that she didn't need to kill to live. And shinobi took lives for lesser reasons. Shinobi lied. Shinobi killed. She should have been prepared for it all.
What was holding her back?
She had never killed. Lied yes but pretty much always got caught. And even now, Sho had said she didn't have to kill. Everyone was protecting her, just like everyone always had.
No one wanted her to get dirty but she had been dirtied now. To appear before her family, she would have to learn how to act pure again.
Could she do it? And if she could, would she do it? Did she even want to do it?
Would she return?
She realized that she wanted to. Desperately. There was nothing she wanted to do more. At least, to see them one... last time...
So it all returned to that wish.
Misao smiled. She did want to see them. She wanted to return if not for the rest of her days then at least for while.
Was she ready to lie to them?
Yes, she was. If she could see them, protect them, help them... And find Aoshi-sama.
She really wanted to see his blue eyes again, see a smile curving his lips. His smiles were always small and hard to spot. She wanted to see it again. And not only him.
Misao wanted to see all of them, the people that had brought her up. Even if it would be just for a while... Just few years.
She still had a chance. She could still... live. It would be a lie and she would be forced to lie to her friends and to herself too. Pretend for probably years and then... She would lose it all again.
Was it worth it?
She would have to leave them sooner or later to avoid being found out. So it was like putting her already battered heart in the line of fire... But before goodbyes, she might have a chance to nurture her heart to a better health, pull back the pieces and...
Be whole again.
There was much to lose, much to gain. It was a gamble and she had never been fond of betting anything of value to possibly gain something more.
It often left you with nothing.
Yet now...
It was a gamble but there was no direction in her life anyway. She didn't know what she would do if she didn't do this. She also had a feeling that if she cowered and hid now, she would end up regretting it later on.
And there were many years before her. Living them with a regret in heart wasn't her desire.
She would have to take a chance and bet her heart, her friendship and her love. She might lose it all or gain something more. Or at least be left with something more than she had now.
All she had to do was be brave. She didn't feel very brave now but she couldn't give up on the last chance to live. To love.
Misao looked at her hand and fisted it. "I guess this is it then. Lies, deception... and yet if there is a chance to make it all worth it..."
She stood up. "I'll take my chance. I want my life back."
Her decision made, Misao jumped from the roof, walked to their room and pulled back the shouji. Sho was reading a book, a small light next to him giving light.
She walked to him and knelt before him. She took a deep breath and just blurted out her decision.
"All I have left is my search. If I stop here, there will be no meaning in my life."
And Sho smiled, threw the book aside and pulled her into his arms. She accepted his embrace and so his support of her decision. He wouldn't abandon her even if she took this path.
It warmed her heart and soul.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
While Misao was impatient, she was also realistic and didn't bolt out immediately. Or so she would like to think but the truth was that she needed time to prepare herself and was using Sho as a shield. He had ordered her to stay with him for a few days before leaving.
So she spent couple of days listening to all the instructions Sho had to give to her. The locations of the Pact-houses, the laws she should never break. The information about some vampires he knew were in Japan at the moment. She listened and tried to absorb it all.
She also, reluctantly, drank herself full before leaving. It was easier to control the feelings but she regretted the teethmarks she left behind. Almost like Shin, this woman too was more than willing to share her blood with Misao. It still bothered her. Their ease, their trust.
Finally the sun had set and she was ready to set out again.
"Here." Sho extended his arm and placed the garment in hers. "To keep you warm." He was smiling gently at her and Misao found smiling back easy. A gift. She touched the mantle gently and rubbed the fabric. High quality, even she could tell.
Her smile widened and for the first time in a seemingly long time, she felt the familiar warmth of happiness in her chest. To give her warmth indeed.
"Thank you." She said, her voice threatening to break. Even if she never learned to accept herself wholly, even if none of her friends would accept her, he would. She could always rely on him to be there for her. The sense of security it created, she would cherish it.
"Thank you!" She jumped to him and hugged him tight. Perhaps... there was a bit of hope after all.
Wrapping the mantle around her shoulders and throwing her back over the left one, she stepped outside the Pact-house. The night was still young, the sky clear and full moon was shining on her.
She took a deep breath and walked outside like a child taking her first steps. There was hesitation, there was fear and pain. But above all, she had hope. A small flame warming her and pushing her forward.
Step by step to walked to a future she could never imagine would hold so much more pain, quilt, friendship and love.
And above all acceptance.