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After a unexpected breakthrough -finding a planet capable of powering a return trip home- Rodney is happy to be back from a galaxy where danger lurks around every corner. He returns from his debriefing at the SGC, eager to be get home to his apartment.
In the low light, he notices that his message machine is not blinking.
He presses the button anyway. It announces, "You have no new messages."
"Huh, must've been a...power failure or something," he answers out loud. Or could it be that his absence wasn't even missed? Much more probable. He sighs softly.
With another exhale, he reaches for his remote, settles himself into the comfortable couch, and turns on the TV. This is good he thinks, I don't need anyone - I never have, and I don't now.
His self-talk is not working; he can feel the emptiness in his chest. Over the last 6 months, he can't remember having any down time without one of his team members present.
Usually John. Why does it always come back to John? God. Why can't a nice, attractive woman come into the picture? That would be a healthy distraction. He should really find someone…
There is a knock at the door, interrupting his thoughts and snack munching. It's his neighbor, the girl who said she would watch his cat for him even though she thought he was a jerk.
Not knowing what to expect. Rodney offers a meek, "Hi."
The conversation goes surprisingly really well. In fact, she says she missed him and wants to see him later tonight. 'To catch up', whatever that means.
Rodney happily agrees and returns to his snacks feeling much more relaxed and less lonely than before. While watching one of his favorite 'Twilight Zone' episodes, he drifts off into a light nap.
A knocking on the door wakes him up. Is it his neighbor Stephanie again? Disoriented Rodney calls out "Hang on" as he stumbles off the couch to open the door.
It's Elizabeth. Embarrassed, Rodney is suddenly aware than he is wearing only his 'I'm With Genius' T-shirt and some underwear.
In a rush to get his pants on over his boxers, he explains to her that he has a date with the neighbor who is watching his cat -Apparently missed him.
Elizabeth cuts Rodney off to tell him that there has been an accident with the spaceship Prometheus, the one that is supposed to be their return ride back to Atlantis.
He mentally scraps the idea of a date with his neighbor, and returns to the SGC to find a solution. The idea of not returning home... Rodney stops. Since when has Atlantis become home?
Okay well, the idea of not returning to Atlantis, actually sounds unbearable. He may not feel comfortable with all the Wraith around but he feels safe in a different way there, a way he has never felt before and doesn't want to lose.
Maybe it's the feeling that he matters, or at least matters to some people there. It is different from the isolated world Rodney has always lived in. 'Rodney the scientist' on Earth, well, no matter how brilliant his work, no one seemed to care about him.
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John arrives at 'his' house with Teyla, smiling because it is a house full of things he never had but wished he did at some point.
"Just like I left it," he speaks out loud, waiting for the wizard to come out from behind the curtain.
Nothing seems to happen so he prompts Telya to follow him, assuming that some beer will magically appear in fridge under the bar.
"Perfect," he proclaims pulling two out and handing one to her. Teyla is asking him about his house and he decides to play along with this charade until he can get to the bottom of it. When she mentions something about his friends and the doorbell rings.
At the door, he is greeted by two familiar faces, Mitch and Dex. He tries to smile but he is confused and horrified.
The men at the door are his friends all right, the only kind he seems to have, dead ones. They pepper him with friendly questions but John can only stand there numbly gaping in the doorway.
He knows none of this is real but it hurts deep down below the walls he has built up to protect himself. It's a painful reminder of how alone he is and that he ultimately has failed everyone that ever meant anything to him.
"So you so going to invite us in or what?"
The question makes it through the fog in his mind. John jumps to sound casual, "Yeah, sure. What the hell?"
As he shuts the door behind them, John fights for composure, trying to remind himself that this is a military situation. He has to get control of his emotions to properly assess the threat level.
The smile on his face is weak and faltering like a kite wavering in the wind. His chest feels like it's on fire. And it is only the beginning.
More people from his past keep showing up, creating an impromptu party in this fake bachelor pad. His Air Force buddies take center stage telling tales about past military exploits.
He watches the scene unfold passively, feeling sick to his stomach when they toast him on his flying skills. He wonders where Ford and Rodney are and if they are holding up better than him in this tortured reality or whatever it is.
On cue, Ford rings the bell and steps through the door. But no sign of Rodney. He doesn't know if that is good or not. This might not be the real Ford, or the real Teyla for that matter.
What he wouldn't give for a little real Rodney right now… John pulls at the front of his shirt and feeling hot and claustrophobic.
The room is just filled with too many people. People who don't exist in his life. People that would only exist for a person that knew how to have friends, not an 'emotional cripple' as his ex-wife had called him.
Thank God she isn't here. He quickly tries to banish her from his mind before she appears as well. Her and the person he misses the most…
He strolls back to the crowd where his Air Force buddies are still telling war stories. He's losing patience, he does not want to think about Afghanistan again... not ever. Before he has think about losing Holland, he interjects into their timeline.
"...Then, two days later," John swallows and looks up with a bit of mock surprise, "you guys were killed outside of Kabul."
John pulls his chin up higher and lets his face fall into an impassive challenge.
"What do you mean?" Teyla asks.
"Their chopper took an RPG when it touched down for a Medevac." John tells the room. More softly he continues, "There was barely enough left to bring back for a military funeral."
Dex spits out the question, "What?!"
John raises his voice in turn, "You guys have been dead for years."
Realizing there is too much venom and pain in his voice, John drops back to a casual sounding cadence. "Now don't get me wrong, it's really nice seeing you..."
Trying to obscure the grief he is feeling, he continues pointing out the various figures from past periods of his life that don't belong. Nobody belongs here. Least of all him.
John doesn't have friends.
"Shep, I think we should take you to see a doctor." Dex replies.
Incredulous, he replies, "Oh really?"
"Yeah", Mitch pipes up, "Yeah, you're acting pretty strange."
Laughing and feeling a bit manic, Sheppard retorts, "Oh, I'm acting strange, huh?!"
He grabs his gun impulsively, looking at Mitch. 'Your not real'. John shoots him in the shoulder.
"Major!" Teyla shouts in alarm.
"You shot me!" comes the accusation.
John stands with his gun still leveled at Mitch, "You're already dead!", he shouts.
Ford tries to jump in between Sheppard and the other man "Sir, give me the-"
"I'm beginning to have my doubts about you too, Lieutenant." John turns the gun on Ford and he backs away, "I wouldn't put them to a test."
Then, with the gun still pointing at the group, he takes a swill of beer to cool his head. John grits his teeth in frustration, "Now somebody…"
Swaying his arm to freely target his audience, John bellows, "explain to me WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE!"
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Suddenly Rodney is back in the SGC gate room and an alien is explaining that they have all been immersed in false realities. These aliens were the 'mist' that Rodney had mistaken for energy.
To keep the team from using their life force as a power source to dial Earth, the aliens created these illusions to keep the team immobilized.
But now the illusions have been broken, especially by John, who alien says is "uniquely capable of manipulating his own fabricated reality."
John cuts in, "When I think of the scenarios I could have thought up, I'd kick myself". He throws back a nod to Rodney.
Rodney gulps nervously. He doesn't know if he is being taunted, but he was just thinking he could have had John. The way he wanted him. Personal and close, with kissing even.
Oh God. He had been watching television and eating junk food.
And he'd imagined going on a date with a somewhat cute neighbor who hated him. Which never even materialized. Oh well, crappy self esteem, what are you going to do?
"So none of this is real?" Rodney states rhetorically. After a pause, he continues, "The cute brunette. Of course, I should have known. I mean, how do you go from... 'You're a pig, but I like your cat', to 'I missed you'?"
Stupid, no one has ever missed him. Rodney knows this is not the appropriate time to be feeling self-pity but something about this fake reality has made him incredibly sad.
The alien explains, "We lacked a sophisticated understanding of your world, as a result the illusions we created from your thoughts were ultimately flawed."
"Well, the dead people were a dead giveaway." John grimaces.
Rodney stops feeling sorry for himself and wonders if John experienced any kind of pain in his reality. "Dead people." he begins, "What were you doing?"
John gives him a nonchalant expression. He's seems fine. The Major doesn't seem to be bothered by much of anything.
The alien still seems to think the team is a threat... that they would knowingly kills millions of the alien life forms just to return to Earth. But the team manages to convince it that if they are allowed to return to their bodies, they will not attempt to try to gate to Earth.
They are returned to where the bodies have been lying, in front of the alien stargate. Rodney begins removing the special DHD crystal, the only one capable of dialing Earth.
"Rodney, be careful with that," Elizabeth tells him. "I want to make sure we can get back home."
"You mean Atlantis." He corrects her automatically.
John speaks up, "I think that's what she meant".
And Rodney realizes that Atlantis HAS become home, for all of them. Still, he finds something argumentative to say to John. Because, in a way, that also feels like home.
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Eyeing the clock, Rodney closes his laptop. It's time to meet John in their secret liar. When he steps into the room, he sees that John is wearing one of those long black shirts that clings to his tall lean chest.
Did Rodney ever get to touch that chest when they were... whatever they were?
He doesn't think so, he would remember that. Rodney sure remembers what John looks like with his shirt off. Sex personified. Not an ounce of fat, long toned arms.
The whole body just seems to radiate ease and confidence. Rodney thinks about John's naked body. His chest. There is a small line of hair that trails down from his smooth muscled torso, reaching from the small dusting of short dark hair above his nipples and over his chest.
It stands out as a dark line over the light skin, down along his stomach. The trail accentuates the lines, the length of him. And lower… It flows into the dark bush of hair in his groin. Just above that amazing cock.
In his mind, Rodney can see the angular hips that frame it. Oh. The way they ground into him, as John that pushed that cock up deep, deep into him.
Rodney's own cock twitches involuntarily and he feels the fluttery rush of arousal. No, no, no, don't think about John that way. Forget the past… that way is only pain. Focus on the game.
Why does John still have this effect on him? It is so unquantifiable. Rodney likes proofs, figures, facts… They leave him on solid ground. That way he always knows the answer, knows he is right.
It is easier living in world without emotion. Without fear or longing. A world of numbers, right and wrong. Feelings are unpredictable; they have always scared Rodney, left him with no footing.
John makes Rodney forget everything he knows. Rodney feels so powerless to please him. And just as eager to hide that fact with his sarcasm. It feels like John can see through him anyway. He just breezes through whatever shields Rodney has, as if they don't exist.
It isn't right, he shouldn't be thinking about John like that anymore. But Rodney finds himself pushing further, doing things that are far out of his realm of comfort. Trying to impress the Major by doing things like wielding a gun or attacking an enemy… The kinds of things Rodney would never, in a million years, consider doing before.
Being with John is so unpredictable, infuriating... but exciting.
He tries to forget the past and think about the way things are now. John likes Rodney more, now that they are friends. At least he thinks he does... Why else would John spend so much free time with Rodney?
Rodney just has to find his footing. Be less affected.
Looking at his screen, he sees that a lot of his variables have yielded positive results. Now there are so many more new perimeters to examine. Rodney can't believe how involved this game is. He plots fresh strategies and enters them into the console.
Sheppard's country looks like it is lagging behind. He feels pleased with himself for looking at the bigger picture, the long run. John is always looking for quick, easy solutions without thinking through the infrastructure.
Rodney squints his eyes at John and wonders what kind of technological advances John is giving the people in his side of the map. Probably he can't provide the kind of technical schematics Rodney can.
Not that Rodney would provide them with nuclear power or anything like that… but Renaissance level, perhaps. It could be a definite advantage.
Sometimes at night, Rodney feels guilty when he strokes his cock thinking about John. He should be over this by now. But over time he just wants John more instead of less. Maybe if Rodney didn't spend so much time with the man. But it is so fun, making kitchen raids late at night, playing their games together.
He feels a little bit special when he is with John. He feels light and breathless, despite how cool and detached John is, teasing Rodney mercilessly. Of course, Rodney gets his digs back in.
And then John drops the cool act altogether and gets dorky with him. Talking about favorite dinosaurs or best comic book heroes... They got into quite a debate recently over Batman vs. Superman.
John gets most of Rodney's obscure TV references to old Sci-Fi and Horror shows. Rodney has even invented a game where one of them lists an actor while the other tries to guess the show they appeared in. Most people wouldn't know the shows, let alone the actors.
John so has an inner dork.
There must be something wrong with Rodney for feeling so happy. He is happy just to be around John, no matter how out of reach, no matter how much Rodney lusts for him.
Looking up over his game screen, Rodney peeks at John. With his legs slung up on the console, John scowls and looks over at Rodney suspiciously. Rodney squares his shoulders back, staring at John behind his large opposing screen.
Typing into the keyboard on his lap, John feigns disinterest. So Rodney types back, entering new parameters into the game. He catches John leaning over, not enough to really see anything, just enough to be playful.
Rodney scowls in mock irritation. The two of them keep making changes to their countries. They take turns popping their heads up and stealing glances over the screens. It is just too much fun.
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