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The Adventure of Sesu Akashi
Chapter 10-"Smooth Criminal""WHAT!? WHY AM I GOING TO PRISON?" I yelled at the commanding officer.
"According to Mr. Seto Kaiba you are the one responsible for freezing the next city over," replied the commanding officer. (For the record this guy had a really snooty voice and sounded like a French-man, his handlebar moustache did not help with this assumption either, no offence to the French of course) "The others are under arrest for aiding a wanted felon."
"Wait I'm in the middle of fighting this guy how could I be considered aiding him," Tyler (from now on Taira) asked.
"Umm…errr well in that case you can go free," the officer said.
"What are you talking about Taira, we're like best friends" I push his spear aside and put my arm around his shoulder. "Come on don't lie to the man."
I whispered in his ear, with Grimwinter's tip up against the small of his back, "No way are you getting out of this without me."
Kishie got up from the rubble slowly, and looked over at Taira and I. "…What's going on guys? Weren't you two fighting?" He looks over at the police and he runs over to Taira. "Hey, dude…Can you uhh…" He pulled a bag with some green herbs in it out of his pocket, "Can you hold onto this bag for me?" He gave a goofy smile and then looked over at the police again. "Y'know what….SCREW IT RUUUUUUUUN!" and he began running off.
I grab Taira by the back of the collar, and book it as fast as I could away from the cops, and Kishie (Whom was in front of us in the beginning) was lagging behind.
"Damn my slow computer connection! IT'S MAKING ME LAG!" yelled Kishie.
"No, you're just slow!" I yelled in return.
And then all of us were running, so then the police got into their cars, and the fattest of all fatty fat-fats got into this giant freaking tank (I think it was the German Gustuv, and even that was small for him).
Kishie began yelling to me, "WE NEED TO GET FAST---WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET A BIKE!?"
I was pedaling as fast as I could in a tricycle that I recently stole from a very small child (It was a Big Wheel), now dragging Taira on the ground, but he didn't seem to mind.
"OW! MY FACE!" Taira yelled. See, doesn't mind at all.
"YOU'RE FLYING IN THE AIR!" Kishie yelled from behind me. I was going so fast, that somehow the front wheel gripped the air and began to pull me upwards.
The guy in the tank (who decided to run over some of his buddies to get in the front), was now catching up. Kishie jumped onto my back, "GO GO GO!"
I laugh a little bit and whisper a plan to Kishie, and he laughs as well. "Good idea mofo!"
He raises his hand, and what looked a lot like a Mario Fireball appeared in his hand, and he threw it right in front of the tank. "A dash of hot!" The tar below the Gustav melted instantly and the tank began sinking.
I, raise my hand and do the same thing, but with ice. I threw it over where Kishie melted it, and the tar re-hardened (actually froze) and he was stuck there. "A DASH OF COLD! WOOHOO!"
And then everything seemed to slow down, like when there is a car accident. Except, this was a big wheel accident. I, Kishie, and Taira fell off of the big wheel onto the ground, and there was this ominous figure standing in front of us.
"Freeze!" the figure said with a Desert Eagle .44 up against my head. Not going to lie, this made me panic. The figure was wearing pretty much a police uniform, opted to look like a trench coat.
"Out of our way! Can't you see we're running from the cops!" Kishie said as he stood up and just punched the cop in the face, causing him to go flying very far away. I think he said something about blasting off, but, he defiantly wasn't from Pokemon so I was like whatever. "Hey look!" Kishie reached down and picked up a set of keys that the police officer had dropped. He pressed the alarm button and a car not to far away beeped.
Kishie ran over to the car and unlocked the driver's seat. "I'll drive."
Taira walks up to the backseat, looking all cool and making me jealous that I can't be that cool when I walk.
I ran over, growling that I couldn't be as cool as Taira. I open the driver's seat door, "NO! BAD KISHIE!" I lifted my leg and kicked him hard enough so that he went into the passenger seat. "Me driving." I sat down into the car and then stayed still.
"Are you gonna—" Kishie began to ask.
"Shut up! I know what I'm doing." I grumbled to myself. I looked over to them both, "How do you turn this thing on?"
"Here." Kishie began to reach over towards the key. When he grabbed it, I grabbed his wrist and quickly broke it. "Bad Kishie." Luckily for me, I actually made him start the car whilst injuring him. "Okay. Cool. Now what do I do…. Oh yeah! Gas!" I literally put the pedal to the metal, and push the gas pedal farther than it's supposed to go. "WHY AREN'T WE MOVING!?"
Kishie looks down at his wrist and whimpers, then looks over to Taira. Taira scoffs and quickly puts the car into drive, causing us to peel out and zoom forward at upwards of 160 mph.
"YAAAARGH!" I yelled at the top of my lungs, then looked out the window. There was a guy in a black trench coat, with really cool sunglasses on, cruising along right next to us. Without a car. "What!? That guy thinks he's so cool. I'll show him." I let go of the steering wheel (hearing people panicking behind me, and ignoring it) and jumped out of the window, now running beside this man.
Kishie quickly jumped into driver's side seat and began driving, trying to chase us as the trench coat guy and I ran, failing miserably.
"Hey! Who do you think you are, running all up in my business!" I yelled at him.
"I am the One." He said back in an 'Oh-look-at-me-I'm-so-damn-important' way.
I ran so that I was ahead of him and laughed maniacally, "Who's 'the One' now, bitch!?"
He started to go kinda warp speed, as in things were getting kicked up behind him. Not just dirt, things that usually didn't get kicked up. Like trash cans, and cars, and the roads, and nearby children, and buildings.
So I had to do one better. I began running so fast that physics actually began warping behind me. I looked behind me at this 'the One'. "HA! HA! HA! HA! HA!"
He smirked, "You're good…You're very good."
Then, out of nowhere another guy that was wearing sunglasses but this one was wearing a black suit, tackled 'the One'. He was yelling, "AGENT SMIIIITH!" As he brought him to the ground and they fought.
"Oooookay." I look ahead, and I see Kishie still trying to catch up. Damn he's slow. Damn speed limit. For the Indy 500. I stood forward, and Kishie was still driving as fast as he could. He turned around, and made it look like I was gripping a steering wheel, and sitting down. As Kishie was driving into me, I went through the windshield (without breaking it) and was now sitting on Kishie. "Move bitch."
Kishie began crawling into the passenger's side, mumbling something about, "How the hell did he do that?". Obviously, he didn't know I was breaking physics.
"Wait a second." Taira spoke. "When did this become a sports car!?"
"Physics broke. I do what I want." I said.
Kishie looked at the hood of the car and then turned to me. "Why did you make it red?"
"Da' red onez go fastuh. 'Cept in ur case." I said back.
Kishie sniffled and then looked in the rear view mirrors. "Hey, they caught up again somehow…How are we going to escape?"
I raise my finger and pointed forward, where there was a cliff.
"Oh, so you're going to turn at the last second so they hurtle off the cliff?" Both the others ask.
I respond, "Sorta," and reach into my backpack. I pull out a mix tape and then flail my hand, "Ow Hippie. You burnt my hand."
A "Sorreh" came from the backpack and then I held this tape in front of me.
"What the hell is that? Is that a mix tape? Who the hell uses mix tapes anymore? Where the hell did you even get that!?" Kishie yelled.
"Shut up. Breaking physics." I put the mix disk in, and the first song rang out. Go by Flow.
"Why do you have this song?" Kishie asked.
"It fits the mood. And besides. It allows us to be in this section of fanfics." I said back.
As we got dangerously close to the edge, Kishie looked over to me, "So, you gonna turn yet?"
I responded with a quick, "No."
"When you gonna turn?"
"Not yet. Some point."
"Ok. Hey. Y'know that cliffs getting really close."
"And?"
"You gonna turn now?"
"Oh yeah. About that turn thing." I revved the engine. "I lied."
The car then jumped off of the cliff and you could hear the police cruisers skidding to a halt, and some fell over the edge.
Then, a challenger approached while we were still in midair. A Bangladeshi Airforce Attack Helicopter.
Then, the moment we hit the ground and began driving on asphalt again, it let loose a spray of bullets from one of the many mini-guns mounted to it.
I began zigzagging to avoid it, and my plan was completely successful.
I glare over at Kishie, "Reach into the glove compartment."
Kishie looked back, "Why? There's nothing in there." He scoffed and opened it and reached inside, pulling out a Colt .44 Magnum Revolver. "What the hell?"
I grab it and turn the vehicle hard enough so that it turns and was now facing the helicopter. I lean out of the driver's side window and began shooting, and was actually pretty accurate. I hit him three times, twice in the chest and once in the arm, but this mofo was crazy. He STILL piloted the helicopter, albeit a little wobbly, but good none-the-less. Now he was yelling (I could tell. I broke the glass.)
There were a lot more cops around us now. Man, these guys reproduce like bunnies. (BUNNIES! YAY!)
I quickly turned back around (Physics breaking still) and looked ahead of me. I could see a fork in the road that had a slim alleyway in the middle (So it was more like a trident in the road).
Kishie looked at the two ways, "Left or right? Left or right!? LEFT OR RIGHT!?"
"Forward." I said. The track now clicked over. It was Sabotage by the Beastie Boyz.
"Not again."
"LEAN TO THE RIGHT!" I yelled and all three people in the car leaned to the right, and then I heard noise in the trunk.
The middle of the back seat kicked open and out climbed BISHIE! (BISHIE! YAY!)
His hair poofed up and he grumbled as he sat next to Taira, leaning to the right like everyone else.
As we began to reach the alleyway, the car went on it's side two wheels and we began driving along the two buildings, sideways on the wall.
On the other side, the cops came out, all laughing simultaneously. (CREEPY! YAY!) "We have you now!"
"I ain't dead yet!" I yelled, turned so I was now going a little bit upwards (enough to clear the cops) and I pushed the pedal down even harder. We drove out of the alleyway (still sideways) and over the cops. As we flew through the air (Kishie was yelling, Bishie was clinging to Taira, and Taira was just…sitting there as if this wasn't even going on.), we landed. Into another alleyway. Onto the side of the building so it was like we never left, except now all the cops were behind us. Except for the guy in the helicopter. He was now in front of us.
"Clever flanking move." I said to myself.
"Great! You got any other brilliant ideas!?" Kishie said, panicking.
"You ain't seen nothing yet." I looked over to him, now with a pair of Aviators on my face.
"Where did you get those glasses?"
"Y'know that thing called physics? Stiiiiiiiiiiiiill breaking."
I smirked and turned left, so now we were scaling the building's side. We drove so hard that we actually became airborne once we left the building. Now we were flying in the air, and as we came down, our tail landed on the edge of the building, swaying side to side.
The pilot shot a bullet at us and we tilted forward, fell onto the rooftop, and we began driving on the rooftops (which were all in a convenient stair formation (CONVENIENT! YAY!) )
"Reach into the glove compartment." I said to Kishie.
Kishie grumbled, "I already reached in. It was empty besides that." He opened it again and grabbed something, pulling it out and it was an attaché case.
"Gimme!" I take the attaché case (now driving with my toe) and open it.
"Do you want me to drive?" Kishie asked.
"NO! STFU NOOB!" I yelled back even though he was inches away.
I start taking things out and clipping them together (at least that's what it looked like from Kishie's angle.)
(BTW: The pilot is shooting rockets AND bullets AND rockets shooting bullets at us now.)
I punch through the sunroof (it's faster than opening it), and hold up the now assembled M79 Grenade Launcher. We are now reaching the end of the buildings. As we fall off the edge of the building, I shoot at the helicopter, right through the broken window, and into the pilot's face. But. Right as it's about to hit his face, little metal spider legs flick out and attach itself to his face. He yells out a war cry, trying to be some type of win or epic. Then. The spider legged thing opens up and puts a regular frag grenade onto his lap. "Oh noez!" He yells, and then explodes. The track clicks over. It was now playing Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm.
We land onto the road again, and the cops are chasing us. Again. (AGAIN! BOO!)
"RE-GIMME WHAT'S IN THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT!" I yelled
"THERE'S NOTHING…Oh nevermind." Kishie said as he reluctantly did it. "What the hell…IS THIS A FATMAN!?" He slides it up to me, and I take hold, popping it out of the sunroof again.
I laugh, and shot directly at them, watching them ALL explode in a radioactive BOOM! (DEATH AND DESTRUCTION! YAY!)
We're now driving in a casually quick pace, and then we see something ahead. It's a huge 'plumber's smile'. But how?
The big fat guy on the Gustav turns the turret completely around and looks directly at us.
By now I had taken out a Sharpie and was doing complex math equations all over the car and people in the car.
"Hey!" Kishie yelled at me. "You didn't even do math on me! You just gave me a mustache and drew a penis on my forehead!"
I snickered and smirked, looking down on my stomach as I finished the equation. "Ohhh…We're behind him. Wait. Did I JUST DIVIDE BY ZERO!? Oh yeah. Physics breaking. Forgot."
"Hand me what's in the glove—"
Kishie groaned and I stop him, "Hah, just kidding….But seriously…Just kidding."
I do another quick chakra snowball and I throw it on the ground, and somehow it forms a ramp. "Alright, we'll just saw him in half. With our car. Somehow."
"Wait, why don't we just turn around?" Taira asks.
"QUIT BEING BORING!" I punch Taira in the face. And hurt my hand.
The big fatty mcfatfat in the tank shoots a giant explosive round towards us, missing by centimeters, and exploding behind us and causing us to go faster. He laughs like Jabba the Hutt.
We jump off the ramp, and we hit the fat guy square in the stomach. And we stop moving.
"What the…?" Kishie said.
We look through the sunroof and we see his big snausage fingers grabbing the back of the car. "ME TAKE BACK TO KAIBA!" He was now holding us into his stomach.
I look over at everyone, "Alright. Here's what we do. On the count of three. We make a break for it."
The Bishie finally spoke up. "I learned one thing from the pharaoh." He shot his hand forward, out of the sunroof. We all knew what he was doing. But we couldn't stop him. Because we were way too afraid.
The Bishie just got a serious look on his face, and the fat guy was now looking down at him. He began to open and close his hand as he said this. "Mindcrushmindcrushmindcrushmindcrushmindcrush."
The fatty got a blank look on his face, then grabbed his head with both hands, "BAAAAAWW!"
I smile, "Thank god. We're safe."
Kishie looked over at me, "But he let go of the car. Shouldn't there be some kind of elastic effect?"
"No silly. Physics am breaking." I laugh and the look out, and see that we are now flying through the air in this little sports car. "DAMN IT! IT FIXED ITSELF!" I looked at my stomach. The part where I divided by zero was gone. "NOOOOOOO!!"