A/N: So this starts out quite dramatic and angsty and I'm not sure that it's entirely accurate of emotions, but I think it makes sense to me. I might post another chapter today, but it probably won't be until next weekend. Enjoy! Thanks again for the reviews and follows :)
Draco snorted and startled awake. He felt like someone was staring at him. He rubbed his eyes and noted how dark it was in the room he was in, but standing out in the darkness, in a sliver of moonlight, were bright green eyes behind black round rimmed glasses. It took him a moment to realize who those eyes belonged to and the fact that they were in a guest room at the Malfoy Chateau. He stood and moved over to the bed, sitting down next to the man who had been occupying his mind for months, years.
"Harry," he whispered. Harry rolled onto his back and gestured to the empty space next to him. Malfoy blushed slightly, but moved to the spot. He propped a pillow up behind his back and leaned against it. He barely settled in before Harry rolled over and wrapped his arms around Draco's waist and snuggled against his stomach. Draco let out a surprised gasp, but wrapped one arm around him, propping him up. He brought his other hand to Harry's hair, something he'd wanted to touch for years, assuming that it would be coarse and rough, but actually turned out to be quite soft. He slipped his fingers through his hair and noticed that Harry's breath was slowing.
"I'm sorry. I needed to hold on to someone real," Harry whispered.
Draco felt warmth building in him at having Harry so close. It made everything seem right in the world again. "You don't need to apologize," he assured him.
"When I woke-up, I saw you there, but I didn't think you were real. It broke my heart to stare at you and think you weren't real, but I thought that at least I could look at you," he sighed and snuggled into me further.
"Harry," Draco replied, his voice breaking. "What happened to you?"
Harry didn't speak for a long time. Draco thought for sure that he had fallen asleep again, but then he heard sniffling and knew that he had been trying to keep himself from crying. "I spent too much time alone. I started out doing really well, but then time drew on and the more and more I thought about what had happened and all the people who had died because of me, the more and more I spiraled into a depression. I couldn't eat and I couldn't sleep because anytime I closed my eyes, I'd have horrible nightmares. All of those people!" he sobbed.
Draco stared down at Harry in alarm. He had never, ever seen Harry Potter cry and now he was sobbing in his lap. He didn't know exactly what to do here. Emotions like crying were unheard of in the Malfoy family, but he figured that this was something Harry needed. Draco had cried many times in sixth year and it always relieved some stress. Hopefully that's what this would do. He maneuvered himself so that he was lying next to him and he felt his heart break again when Harry clutched him and cried even harder.
Draco felt tears pricking in the corners of his eyes, but he tried hard not to let them fall, but they did and soon he was silently crying with Harry, comforting him at the same time. It took several minutes before Harry finally calmed down and only sniffled a few times. Draco's shirt was soaked, but he didn't care.
"You've been keeping that inside for a long time," Draco whispered as he smoothed Harry's hair for the hundredth time.
"Too long. I hope you weren't wearing your favorite shirt," Harry joked back.
"Not at all and even if I was, it doesn't matter," he replied. Harry snuggled into him more.
"Thank you for letting me come here. I wish that I was coming on better terms than I am," Harry muttered.
"Heroes need help too. That's what sidekicks are for. Granted, I'm not your typical sidekick and I'm coming in a little late, but I'm here and I want to help you in any way that I can. I'm here for you," he assured.
Harry tipped his head up and looked up at Draco. He popped up on his elbow and looked down at Draco. The sincerity was there in his voice as well as on his face. Harry leaned forward and kissed him tentatively. Draco responded carefully, but kept his hands to himself. Harry leaned back and looked down at him. Draco searched his eyes and saw determination and soon he saw exactly what the determined look meant. Harry kissed him more firmly and slid his tongue along his bottom lip. Draco responded instantly, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him closer to him. Their heads tipped in opposite directions as they deepened their kiss. Harry whimpered as he slipped his hand under Draco's shirt. His fingers brushed Draco's stomach and it was at that moment that Draco's rational brain caught up with him and he pulled away, breathing heavily.
"Harry, stop," he ordered. Harry leaned back and looked down at him in surprise. He moved his hands and slid away from him looking sheepish.
"I'm sorry," he said shaking his head.
Draco could see him closing in on himself and he nearly regretted stopping him. He sat up and moved close to him. "Don't be. I just…. I don't want it to be this way," he told him.
Harry looked up at him with a glint of anger in his eyes. "You don't want me anymore?"
Draco's eyes widened in alarm. "Of course, I do! Salazar, Harry, it's all I think about. I don't want us to start out like this. You're not well and like I told you before, I don't want to get together with you until you're sure," he reminded him.
Harry narrowed his gaze at him. "I am sure. I want to be with you," he countered.
Draco sighed and hung his head. "Harry, did you not hear yourself sobbing not even a half hour ago? You're not okay. I'm here for you, but I can't start something with you when you still have so much to deal with, no matter how badly I want to. Please, Harry, I want this to be right."
Harry sighed and reached out to take Draco's hands in his own. "I know. I'm not thinking straight. I'm sorry," he apologized. He squeezed Draco's hands and then lied back down, turning his back to Draco. "Being with you feels right, but I understand what you want," Harry whispered. He said nothing more and Draco stared down at him, wishing that he could just be with him, damn how they got together, but he knew that if he wanted it to last, Harry had to be well. Harry took his glasses off and set them on his night stand. Draco knew that they were done for tonight so he slid off the bed and headed for the door.
"Good night, Harry," he said quietly.
"Night, Draco," he whispered back.
Draco watched his still form for a moment longer before he left his room and walked across the hall to his own. He got into bed, after changing, but didn't fall asleep for a long time. XXXX
The next morning, Draco left his room and walked over to Harry's. He knocked and waited. "Come in!" he called.
He took a deep breath and opened the door. Harry was sitting on his bed, slipping his shirt on. He looked over at Draco and smiled slightly. He looked a little better than yesterday. "Morning," Draco said as he stepped closer.
"Morning," Harry replied coolly.
Draco sighed and shifted his weight. "How are you feeling today?"
"A little better, I think. I'm actually starving so that's new," he responded with a laugh.
Draco smiled. "Well, let's head downstairs," he said as he gestured for Harry to follow him.
They made their way downstairs, not speaking much. Draco kept stealing glances at Harry who just stared straight ahead, keeping an eye on where he was walking. "Harry, wait," Draco said as he reached out and touched his arm to stop him.
Harry stopped, but didn't look at him. Draco frowned at him. "Look, I don't want this to be awkward. I'm sure you think I'm being unreasonable, but I really think it will be better this way," Draco told him.
Harry sighed and looked down in front of him and then he turned to look up at him. He still looked hurt and lost, but he also looked determined. "It's not going to be awkward. The chateau seems big enough. I'll just keep to myself while I sort through things. I still want to be here, but I'm not sure I can be around you without wanting to snog you or something. I know I can't be alone; I'm smart enough to realize that. I'll stay for a bit and hopefully I'll be better and then I'll be out of your hair," he replied.
Draco growled in annoyance. "You don't need to avoid me. We're still friends, Harry. Come on now. You're not a burden at all. My end goals are the same as yours. First, I want you better and then second, I want to be in a relationship with you. The same goals as you."
Harry sighed. "Whatever you say, Draco," he muttered as he started down the hall again towards the dining area. Draco threw his hands up in frustration, but decided that Harry needed space. He'd give him space even though he absolutely hated the idea.
They joined his mother for breakfast and made small talk with her. Harry actually ate most of his breakfast before he excused himself and retired upstairs. Draco sighed and leaned back in his chair, rubbing his face.
"What's the matter, Dragon?" Narcissa asked as she set down her fork.
"Just Harry, mother," he commented sadly as he moved food around on his plate a few times before he simply pushed it away.
"I thought you wanted him to be here," she said.
"I do, most definitely, but not like it's going," he replied.
"How is it going? He seemed well enough today," she pointed out.
He sighed and blushed. "Last night, we sort of lied together and we kissed a lot, but I stopped it," he said quietly. He glanced over at his mother who was blushing slightly, but maintaining her composure.
"Why did you stop it?" she asked carefully.
"Because I don't want to start something with him when he's as messed up as he is. I told him that after the war. I told him that at the hearing and I told him last night. He has to be all in and he's just not ready for it," he reasoned.
Narcissa frowned and studied her son. "Are you Mister Potter?" she asked.
Draco looked at her in confusion. "No," he replied.
"Are you inside Mister Potter's head?" she asked.
Draco frowned. "No."
"Then who are you to decide what he wants and doesn't want?" she asked.
He frowned further and looked away from her penetrating gaze. "Well, I just don't think he knows what he wants," he stuttered.
"Draco, I think that you're trying to protect yourself from being hurt. You make a valid point about him having a lot to go through and not being ready, but it's up to him to decide if he's ready or not. You can't decide for him. Maybe being with you will help him get through it better than just being your friend. Just think about it, Dragon," she told him. She stood and patted his shoulder before she left the room.
Draco sat back and stared blankly at his mother's seat. He wasn't sure if she was right, but her logic made sense. He didn't want to get hurt and he knew that Harry could hurt him deeply, especially if he considered Draco a rebound of sorts from the nonsense of the war. He sighed and stood. He wanted to give Harry space. He didn't want to push him. He'd give him some time and then see if his mother was correct.