ashley

it was 2 wks. Later wed. dec. 3rd. Last wk. Had been thanksgiving it had gone well. It had been a long busy day filled w/ food. We'd just arrived at the bar. I was hanging up my coat while the others went and found a place to sit.

"aunt karen!" I heard.

It was annabelle talking and apparently she'd found karen.

I hung up my coat and turned around. And there was karen sitting at a small round table.

"hi you look nice," she told annabelle.

"thank you. Have you met rachel?" annabelle asked.

"um. Briefly. Hi," karen said to annabelle.

"hi good to see you," rachel said sitting.

"is pam here?" annabelle asked karen.

"yeah she's. Somewhere," karen said looking around.

She spotted me. She got up and came over to me. The others put a few tables together and sat down.

"ashley I need to talk to you," karen said when she approached me: "outside."

"but I just got here. And I just hung up my coat," I protested.

"now."

"um ok," I replied not grabbing my coat.

We went outside into the cold darkness away from everyone. Karen grabbed my arms w/ one hand so hard until I think she bruised them.

"i just flew in on fri. what the hell? You weren't like this at jesse's," I said.

"that's cause. We were around people."

"omygod. You know my past what the hell...why..."

"are those...are those track marks?"

damnit. Had I known karen was going to be here tonight I would've covered my arms.

"have you been doing drugs?" karen asked hitting my arms.

"i..." I was so surprised I didn't say anythign after that.

"i'm going to get a drink," karen told me and went back inside.

No one had hurt me like this since I was 16. in fact that's why I left the city. I was 21 now that had 4 yrs. Ago.

I knew my arms would bruise and I wondered if annabelle had anything I could wear. At that moment the door opened and she came out in her coat.

"hey um what's wrong?" she asked.

"i um. It's karen. Do you have anything I could wear?"

"what...oh," when annabelle looked down at my arms she got it.

She knew I didn't care if people saw the track marks. Only the bruises that were starting to form.

"yeah i'll go get my other coat," she told me: "you can stay at my place tonight if you want."

I knew exactly the one she was talking about.

"ok."

"Even though i'm not living there any longer evan is."

"ok."

"and i'll be there. If you want."

I had a feeling annabelle wouldn't be telling her mom this.

"yeah she'll be upset but I don't care."

"i'll um. Email her and tell her where you're at."

"ok."

annabelle had certain times when she'd email people but I didn't, so.

She went back inside to get her other coat. The door opened and out came puck.

"hey what happened?" he asked.

He was getting as perceptive as my brother, the other evan, annabelle and I already were.

"i. we'll talk about it later. After," I told him.

"ok. You want soco?"

"god yes."

"ok."

he left going back inside. Annabelle came out w/ her other coat. She handed it to me. I put it on.

"thank you," I said.

"yeah."

"tell puck..."

"he told me to tell you he has your 6."

"oh ok."

"cmon sweetie let's go inside. You'll sing about it if you want to we'll have a few drinks. And you'll be w/ your friends. I'd hug you but I feel like it might hurt you more. I won't talk about it w/ anyone unless it's ok w/ you," annabelle was really sweet that was the best part of her.

She always had been.

"well I told puck we'd talk about it later."

"ok."

I smiled despite the pain.

We went back inside the warm crowded bar. We sat down at our table and annabelle, santanna, rachel and dianna sat on either side of me while puck and chris got the drinks. It was nice having my friends get my drinks. I felt like being taken care of. Once I got some 'snow' from cherie and she injected it into me then i'd really feel like I was being taken care of. I'd injected it into her sometimes too. We took turns. Hannah always used her own needles. Louisa never shot up w/ us or in general. I wondered if lily would want to drink w/ me in t he park this wk. Well the rest of this wk. She still drank had since she was 16 even though last yr. She'd gotten alcohol poisoning. That had been hard on me. My dad had gotten alcohol poisoning as had brian my grandfather according to what jesse had told me. Brian being his dad. That's actually what he passed from was the drinking. That had been when jesse was in college about 30 yrs. Ago. His mom sara never remarried. She'd been living at our house for over a yr. When evan and rebecca were busy helping w/ anna or mandy or lily sara took care of their 3 daughters reva, karessa and briara. Briara was the youngest at 1 reva the oldest at 3. right now they didn't want to have more children. Last yr. Dianna had gotten pregnant again just as she had in hight school. She'd had a miscarriage. She didn't talk about ti. Puck, annabelle and I were the only ones who knew. And we didn't talk about it. I knew she was pregnant now but I didn't know how soon it would last. The 1st time she'd given her baby to rachel's mom the 2nd she'd just left. She felt terrible about it too. Last yr. The 3rd time, the miscarriage. This was the 4th time. Again puck and I were the only ones who knew. I knew pregnant ladies shouldn't be drinking but maybe she didn't want to carry the baby full term. The dad of all her babies was her dad.

My phone buzzed w/ a text knocking me out of my reverie. I flipped it open and read the text. It was from dianna: 'I need to talk to you about something. Later' it read. 'ok' I texted back nodding. I knew she'd seen the nod and knew what it meant. I felt rather than saw her put her phone away. I texted hannah 'hey i'll need snow later. And then trees'. I knew she'd get it. Then I put my phone away.

Puck came back to the table w/ 2 drinks a soco for me and a white russian for annabelle. He set them in front of us.

"thank you," annabelle said as I started drinking mine.

"uh huh," he replied.

Chris came back w/ 2 for rachel and dantanna. Wine for rachel and whiskey for santanna. After setting them down he went back to the bar and got 2 for him and puck.

Chris looked at me over the top of his drink.

'you ok?' he mouthed.

I shook my head. He waited.

'table' I said meaning the topic was off the table for now.

'ok' he said nodding.