"Let's loot the bodies," Roman said.

Emerald raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Is this really the best time, Roman?" Cinder asked.

"Of course. They're not going to attack us in the hallway. They have half a dozen orcs, at least one goblin, and some snakes."

"And a dragon," Mercury said.

"Right. Their biggest advantage is numbers—"

"And a dragon," Cinder said.

"The dragon's their boss. If we were attacked, right now, would you rush for the front lines? Because that's the only place there's going to be if they attack us here. Room for one guy to attack at a time, maybe with a few javelins thrown in for flavor. No, they're ambushing us in one of the big rooms. So we loot the bodies, heal Adam—"

"Soverliss," Adam, Mercury, and Cinder said at the same time.

"—and then zap everyone with the invisibility wand before seeing if we can't ambush them."

"None of us have Use Magic Device," Mercury said, "and none of us can cast invisibility."

"I have ranks in Use Magic Device," Cinder said. "Four of them."

"Oh." Mercury smiled. "...We might be able to pull that off, yeah. Sounds fun. What's the loot?"

"Seven javelins, and two each of morningstars, light shields, and leather armors. All Small."

"Alright, Cinder, start spamming UMD."

"One roll per person?"

"Yup."

"Eighteen. Eighteen. Twelve. Twenty-three. And eighteen again."

"That's one success."

"...Damn."

"Right, so Ros's invisible," Mercury said. "She should scout ahead."

"Aye, she'll do so."

"Right. Make a Listen check."

"Nineteen."

"Right. Most of them are in the room to the left, but there's a little noise from the one in front of you."

"I'll sneak into that one."

"Don't need a Hide roll, but Move Silently is important."

"Sixteen."

"Ooh..."

"Yeah, I see..."

"What?" Cinder asked.

Roman said, "The guy there rolled a nineteen."

"You're heard, aren't you?"

Emerald chuckled. "Oh, hell yeah. It's a goblin, at the fork in the corridor, looking around confused and scared."

"Can I attack while invisible?"

"Once."

"Hm...I'll get behind it and slit its throat."

"Him," Adam corrected. "Or possibly her."

"Right, make a Dexterity roll to get behind the goblin before turns around."

"Eleven."

"Fifteen."

"Damn."

"The goblin swings out wildly with his morningstar and cries for help."

"Double damn."

"Right, what're you doing?"

"Running...walking quickly down the corridor. Away from Gobbo."

"Right. Remember, the invisibility only lasts three minutes. You've got maybe one and a half left."

"Mm."

"You duck around the corner."

Dear readers: Another section got eaten by FF.n. I really need to stop doing all my work in the document editor. I tried to summarize what happened, but it loses a bit of detail and whatnot.

"Roll initiative." Initiative was rolled. "Merc, you're first."

"I'll charge this orc. Seventeen."

"Hit."

"Six damage."

"The orc takes a foot to the gut and collapses. Orcs next. This one takes a step forward and swings its falchion...and Mercury dodges. These two are throwing javelins...a zero and a hit. Four damage. Cinder?"

"I'll move here and charm this javelining orc."

"Twelve, he failed his saving throw. Adam?"

"Soverliss will move here—"

"Leave a space for Neo, she might need to heal me."

"—here, then, and throw a javelin at this orc."

"Miss. Neo?"

Neo frowned at the board and her character sheet. She moved her "miniature" between Adam's and Mercury's before staring.

"Is that all?" Emerald asked.

Neo shook her head.

"You can talk," Roman said. "I know you have this 'silent badass' thing, but we're among friends. You can drop it."

"Namifnd." Neo crossed her arms.

"What was that?" Emerald asked.

"Yr namfnds."

"Speak up, don't mumble," Cinder ordered.

"I said you're not my friends!" Neo shouted.

"Sorry," Roman said. "She's cranky, I don't think she likes the game much."

"Mhm." Neo nodded.

"Can we finish this combat, at least?" Emerald said. "Please?"

Neo sighed and nodded. "Command." She pointed to the non-charmed orc with javelins. "Flee. Or suicide."

"Suicide isn't a valid command. And the orc fails his save. Back to Merc."

"Right, flurrying on the orc. One, not natural, and eleven."

"Two misses. And the orcs go. Falchion-man...hits and cuts Merc's chest open for the minimum, six damage."

"And I'm down."

"Mm. This greataxe guy moves forward to hit Neo. And misses. This one moves behind him, this one runs, and this one tries to figure out why he wanted to kill his friends. Cinder?"

"Mm...I can't attack without breaking the charm, can I?"

"Not the one you charmed, but the others, sure."

"Good. I'll throw a javelin at this guy."

"Minus four for throwing into melee."

"This guy. Natural one."

"Throwing into melee indeed. Neo takes...three damage from being backstabbed. Adam?"

"Soverliss will ready an action to step forward and attack the orc if Neo's character moves backwards."

"Neo?"

"Sounds good." She swapped her miniature and Adam's.

"Twenty-two."

"Hits."

"Sixteen."

"Adam, your Strength-and-a-half is enough to knock the orc unconscious. Snicker-snack. Neo, anything else?"

"Javelin." She tapped the orc miniature Cinder tried to do the same to. "I hate you," she said to the natural one she rolled.

"Neo, stop taking after Cinder," Mercury said. "And that means in the game, too."

Neo grinned.

"Right, let's say the javelin deals damage to itself, because shooting your friend in the back is only funny so many times. And two...that's less than wood's hardness. Neo throws the javelin poorly. It strikes the stone at an odd angle, bends, and springs back. Mercury?"

"Stabilize low. Oh-two, I'm good!"

"Nice. Orcs. This one with a greataxe tries his luck against Adam...miss. Javelin here comes back. Javelin here is charmed. Falchion here steps up. Cinder?"

"Um...acid splash the one here? Twenty-two to hit."

"More than makes it."

"Two damage."

"Not bad, but not great. The orc gets acided in the chest and screams in pain. Adam?"

"Soverliss will strike the orc with his sword. Fifteen to hit."

"Hits."

"Nine damage."

"This orc gets a sword buried in its guts. Neo?"

Neo moved her miniature to where Mercury's character was.

Mercury said, "Before you cast a spell..that incurs attacks of opportunity."

Neo frowned and moved her miniature back. She stared at the board for a moment, then shrugged.

"Right. Turns out, the runner brought a friend."

"Fuck, the dragon," Mercury said.

"Sadly, you don't have a chance to make half-dragons, because it's...mostly an orc. But it's a big one, with big, red, pupilless eyes. And claws, and a scimitar in one hand and a battleaxe in the other. And he rolled well on initiative. For instance, he touches the charmed orc and casts a spell. He must not be charmed anymore, because he's angry and throwing a spear at Cinder."

"Damn," Cinder said.

"And misses, with a three."

"Good."

"The other orc javelins Neo...fifteen, does that hit?" Neo shook her head. "It bounces off of her mail. And the greataxe guy...natural twenty. And another natural twenty. And eleven plus four, does that..."

"Soverliss's AC is sixteen."

"Oh thank Dust. Well, instead you 'only' take triple damage. Eight, three, one, that's twelve plus another twelve for Strength...twenty-four damage."

"Soverliss is at negative seventeen hit points."

"Wow, that...is bad luck. The orc chops Soverliss's torso apart, nearly in half."

"..."

"Um, I guess..."

"I'll find something to do," Adam said, before stalking off.

"...This is bad," Mercury said. "but, um...Soverliss's final kill count is six. With one assist."

"Anyways," Emerald said, "then Cinder."

"I'll step forward and use my quarterstaff. Eleven."

"You hit the orc in the head. Sadly, you missed every vital area. Adam is dead—"

"I'm alive!" he shouted back. "Soverliss is dead!"

"—right, so we've got Neo. Neo?"

"Mace, but..." She pointed to Cinder's miniature. "Light Mercury."

"I'm up! Kind of," Mercury said. "But I'm awake. And on the ground below Cinder's character..."

"You'd better not look up her dress," Cinder growled.

"Well, I hadn't thought of that, but now that you—"

"Knock it off, children," Roman said. "Neo's had a turn, so it's Monster McGee's go."

"Right," Emerald said. "He sheathes his weapons and draws two javelins, which takes his whole turn. The axeman—"

"Oh, fuck," Cinder said.

"—got a thirteen. Your AC?"

"...Thirteen," Cinder admitted.

"Hits, for five damage. Lucky, you got the minimum."

"Still at negative one."

"Not every day I have chicks fall on me," Mercury commented.

"The javeliners are throwing at Neo. Fifteen and four."

"Sixteen," Neo reminded her.

"Right, both miss. Then there's this guy, who...decides to grab a javelin lying on the ground and throw it at you. Three."

"Miss," Neo said.

"Yep. Oh, forgot Merc. Merc?"

"I'll get up—"

"Attack of opportunity and all?"

"Yup."

"Fourteen."

"AC fifteen," Mercury said.

"Great. You're up."

"And I punch the orc. Ten."

"You bruise your fist on a stud of his armor. Cinder?"

"Unconscious."

"Roll percentile."

"Thirty."

"Lose one hit point."

"Fuck."

"Neo?"

"I don't think she's Cinder's type," Mercury said.

"Ha ha," Roman said. "Don't quit your day job."

"He works with you," Emerald said.

"In that case, do quit it." Roman high-fived Emerald.

Neo rolled a d8. "Ten for Cinder."

"She's up, sort of. And now it's the honcho's turn. Two javelins for the healer. Sixteen and natural one adjusted to negative one. This orc goes down, and Neo takes seven damage."

Neo held up a fist.

"You're at zero hit points?" Emerald asked.

"Either that or Tinny's stuck down the well," Mercury said. Neo kicked him. Mercury kicked back.

"And Mercury?"

"A flurry of blows. Two and nine. Damn."

"The orc hits back. ...Natural fucking twenty. Twelve to confirm."

"Just a hit."

"Twelve damage."

"I'm at negative five."

"The javeliners throw at Neo. Natural twenty, confirmed, and...another natural twenty..."

Everyone stared at Emerald.

"That spells TPK, I think," Mercury said.

"TPK?" Cinder asked.

"Total Party Kill."

"Roman," Neo said.

"Oh," Roman said. "Great, I have to take on a small orc army and their creepy leader, by myself."

Author's Note: What the hell, dice? Why don't you roll this well when I'm playing an actual game?