Ok soo it might be confusing but just trust me lol i'm definitely planning something here.

When I wake it's the end of the day, I feel the sickness creeping into my stomach. When will this stop? I ask myself. The sun is low in the sky. The brunt sun shines through my windows, displaying on the dark wood floor of my room. Prim's gentle knock on the door calls my attention. Letting herself in she closes the door silently behind her, walking to the side of my bed

"Katniss, mom made food and Peeta's here," she says. I pull the covers tightly around me, looking away. I don't want to be bothered.

"I want to be alone," I say softly to her. I don't want her to feel like I'm mad at her. Our relationship has been messy lately. But also, Prim has done nothing wrong to get my sour mood. She never will.

"You haven't eaten all day. Mom is a bit worried, you left the front door open last night, I was thinking you can come down for a bit, to eat, and you can come back," She says, with a light smile. I turn myself. Facing the opposite way. A few minutes pass, and she doesn't push it. Instead she walks to the door.

"I'm right down stairs if you need me, Katniss," Prim says. My sweet sister. She is the sunshine to my days, but right now I don't want sun. I want to stay in this bed until Snow rips me from my home and kills me. I want to wallow in my tightening chest. The events of last night come back to me in pieces, slowly like a dripping tap.

The next day, I wake to my mother at my bedside with a bowl, trying to feed me. My body is screaming for the food. Though every time I make the decision to eat, my stomach refuses. I push my mother away. I need the food out of my sight before I'm sick.

"Leave me alone!" I yell at her. It's easier to lash out. So many childhood memories of Prim crying from hunger pains, our malnourished faces, all the times I risked our lives hunting. It acts as fuel, justifying my behavior. She lowers her head. Trying to hide her face.

"Get out, I don't need you!" I throw the food to the floor. She gasps, stepping away from me. When I feel tears slipping down my cheeks, I feel the anger rise to my face. She looks at me with sorrow eyes. When she's gone, I feel guilty. I shouldn't have talked to her like that. I remind myself that she is just trying.

My head hurts, I can see the oatmeal scattered on the floor. My stomach clenches, and I feel sick. I push myself deeper into the quilt. Letting exhaustion take over me.

When I wake, I smell the cinnamon. I feel warm arms around me. My heart drops. I push my way out of them. Peeta sits up abruptly. "Hey it's me. It's okay Katniss, it's just me," My body calms, and I lay my head back down. My mother must have let him in. hoping he'd get some answers.

The moon is high in the sky. It's the middle of the night. Peeta lays back down, arms searching for me again, wrapping around me, pulling me close, placing his face into my hair. I melt into him. We face each other for some time. Looking into one another's eyes. Questions are in his, Trying to ask me the 'why?' his lips won't. When we were first thrown into the games I never thought we would end up here, having unspoken conversations in my bed, hell I didn't think we were going to survive.

Being away from him showed me he's exactly what I need right now. We've walked through fire to save our lives, proving we can make it through anything. But it had to be us.

"Katniss?" He asks into my scalp. With close eyes I respond.

"Yes?"

"What's wrong? You can tell me," he asks. My breath is shaky. I know, I can't tell him. I won't tell anyone. I plan to put that behind me. Peeta will heal me the way he does and I will try to go back to normal. I kiss his chest. I need his devotion. I want it in all its might. I find his lips. Kissing him deep. I need to feel him completely. To take the feeling away. My kiss begging him to take away the memories that are haunting me. My fingers are in his hair. Trying to show him, I can tell he has questions on his mind. He's letting me pour myself into him yet still trying to compose himself. Tears are sliding from my face. I'm pleading him in my head, for him to take it away. As if he knows what I need, His kiss deepens, both his arms snake around me.

"Please." I beg on his lips with a raspy voice. He groans. I can feel his heart quicken.

Hastily his hands move to my hip, pulling my underwear off, leaving it abandoned somewhere under the quilt. I hike my leg around his hips, bringing him closer and pulling at his shirt. He helps remove it. Throwing it across the room. He wastes no time his warm hands return caressing my back. I am waiting for the anxiety to come but it never does. The heat that radiates off him fills me. I can feel my chest lighting. He's pulling his jeans down. Freeing himself. I pull him close. I need him. My tears never stop. I kiss his jaw, his neck, his shoulder. I can tell he knows I need this. Peeta positions himself. Ready to take me. I hold him tight.

"I love you Katniss." He whispers into my ear. When he takes me I let out a yell in relief. His head moves quickly to my mouth. Trying to quiet me.

"Shh Katniss." He says looking me in my eyes, his eyes filled with worry. Replacing his hand with his mouth. He makes love to me with his lips. Trying his best to show me I am only his. My soft moans are muffled by his lips. He moves his shaft in slowly, pulling at whatever feelings lay deep inside me. His coxing works. I can feel my heart swelling. My hands grabbing at him begging for more comfort, more healing. He quickens and my moans are louder. He moves his kiss to my neck, covering my mouth again. Thrusting hard into me. I can hear my bed rocking. I'm hoping my family doesn't hear. Screaming into his hand, I reach my climax. I can hear him moan lowly through clenched teeth into my ear. His arm pulls me to his chest, squeezing me to him. My climax brings me to a sob. My feelings spilling out of my eyes.

"What happened Katniss? Please tell me," He asks. And right then and there I almost say the words.

Telling Peeta, would ultimately make this to real. What stops me are those devastated gray eyes in my mind, Gale's devastated eyes. And I clench my mouth shut. I think of Hazelle, of Posy, of Rory, of Vick, and I know I couldn't take Gale from them. Last night was a mistake. And I couldn't find the will to take his life for it. An act I would never do. Gale is still Gale even if I can't look at him. Even if he's hurt me. I know I will never trust him, no matter what he does.

Despite my feelings about him now, I realize he was right about what we need to do. That day in the forest with Gale comes to mind, the morning of the Reaping, and the recognition hits me. The only way to escape Snow and live a normal life with Peeta and my family is to run away. It will be hard but I have hope. We can make it, If Peeta agreed. we'll leave, head straight into the woods and never look back.

I answer Peeta truthfully when I say. "I don't want to die,"

His face is filled with pain when he tells me, "I won't let them hurt you."