Hey guys! I'm back! Sorry for the SUPER DUPER long break! High schools is officially killing me! Anyway, LATE MERRY CHRISTMAS AND EARLY HAPPY NEW YEAR! I've been so busy with Debate, AP Government, all honors classes, projects, tests, and finals, I never had any time to write stuff down =(. Did you know I slept at 3:30 one day studying and woke up at 6 so I could study some more? Well, it was worth it since I have all 'A's (high 'A's so I'm really happy :). So ya, I've been super busy, so I'm sorry! And to show my appreciation for all the reviews, I wrote down three chapters and I was only going to update one, but then I was like, "What the heck! It's Christmas and I feel like being nice", so I combined three chapters and uploaded them as one! I stayed up really late typing this up, so I hope you like it! Also, before I forget, I wanted to something: So I originally had this idea of having Cammie receive anonymous letters throughout her life that help guide her and help her deal with the abuse. I decided against it and I wanted to say that if anyone want's to, they should write a story like that cause I would definitely read it! Also, I want to rename my story so it suits the content better but I have no ideas on what to name it! Please tell me your ideas in a review or PM or something. That would be awesome! Thanx! Also, I was wondering, me being weird, are there any guys on fanfiction? I always say 'girls' and I realized there might be some guys on fanfiction. Don't worry, I am a girl, but I think it's SUPER SWEET if I guy were to do Gallagher Girls FanFiction! So a shoutout to the guys who may or may not be on FanFiction! Tell me in your review if you are! Please? P.S. I ask this in the most non-stalkerish way possible!
I dedicate this chapter to everyone who has read, reviewed, and subscribed! :
~Lillyrule3998: Ooops =) Sorry, I had accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter and I was like, "SHOOT!" when I read your review!
~: Yeah, I did, but I accidentally uploaded the wrong chappy. SRY!
~Woosh: Haha! I'm getting there ;)
~rose221: Yeah, I felt really bad for him when I wrote that part. And since it's Christmas, here's a spoiler ;) : Cammie forgives Grant! YAY! ( I may choose to change it later one but who knows! =P )
~Ebony Hallow: Wow *_* That's so weird! Still love the name though. Maybe I was thinking of Ruby Hallow, this book about two orphans named Florida and...Well, I guess now's not the time =P. And as for your questions, 1. I really don't know why Rachel did what she did. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing. I never really thought about it until now. Oh well. 2. You'll find out =)
~x2xJOJOx2x: Haha, reading back, I realized you were right. Thanks for the tip! I tried to write out their conversation this time but I don't know if I got it right. -_-
~Random39: THANX! THAT MADE ME JUMP UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN AND UP AND DOWN... well you get the idea =)
~ShmemilyScmoring: Thanks so much! I really didn't think that chapter was that good(e) though. Haha! I'll try to update more often. Your threat scared me ;)
~Peppermintrina: I'm sorry, but I must say, before anything else, the first thing I thought when I saw you username was, "Oh oh oh! Peppermint ballarina!" And then I grinned like an idiot. =P Ya I'm weird. I'll try to update one more time before break's over!
~: I knr! NOTHING CAN DESTROY ZAMMIE! And to answer your question, I originally had a totally different plot planned out but then I changed it as I wrote the chapters. Cammie was supposed to get anonymous letters that guide her through her life and help her deal with the abuse, but I decided against it in the end and gave her a brother. I named the story Letters, and I just never bothered to change it. I might change it to 'Fallen Angel' or 'Broken Heart' or something. I'm not sure though =P
~djrocks: Haha! I know this sounds weird but I love macaroni and I actually wanted to make Mrs. Morgan different in this story. In most stories, she's super nice and preppy and I was like, "What would Cammie be like if her mom abandoned her", which is why I made Mrs. Morgan leave Cammie.
~wolfergirl: Thanks for catching that! I had accidentally uploaded the wrong chapter, then my super long AN got deleted and I tried to copy and paste it back in and it must have copied the last part again or something. The last chapter was just totally messed up =P. And sorry about the grammer, it's my worst subject =). P.S. I don't think I could live if I were banned form FF!
~Goode Foreva: Thanks so much! That means so much to me! I'm glad you like it =)
~Samanya: Haha! I actually combined three chapters together for this chapter instead of updating three times! Hope you like the chappy!
~FableWolf: Thanks! The problem is, I suck at Zach's POV and Macey, Bex, and Liz don't come in until later. =( I feel I write best in Cammie's POV since I'm a girl. Thanks for the tip though! I'll try =)
~siriuslygoode: Thanks!
~: Haha! Thanks. I'm sorry for not updating sooner! =( I really feel bad. Thanks so much! Your comment just made my day (and I've been having a bad day). It means a lot to me. And after reading your comment, "I vow to finish this story!" Unlike my other one. I just really didn't like what I did with it. I might go back and redo the old one or just leave it like that. I don't know yet. Thanks a million!1
One last thing before I stop my rant: I just wanted to apologize. In my previous AN I stated that I wanted a certain amount of reviews and now I feel really bad. I've noticed that my chapters have gotten worse. I looked back and realized that I was writing for reviews, not because I wanted to write. The first chapter, I really liked because I put my heart into it. I've been obsessing over reviews and not the actual story, so I feel like I owe you guys a sincere apology. You guys do enough just clicking and reading my story and I feel like I've been asking too much from you guys, so SORRY1! LOVE ALL MY READERS TO DEATH! YOU GUYS MOTIVATE ME TO WRITE!1
Okay, scratch that, THIS is the very last thing: DISCLAIMER:
I haven't done one in a while so: I DON'T OWN THE CHARACTERS OR GALLAGHER OR THE IDEAS! I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO THANK LAXITLIKEUFIELDIT BECAUSE I GOT SOME OF MY IDEAS FROM HER(HIS) STORY!
KK Now, I'm done =)
Hope you like the chapter and sorry for the SUPER DUPER long A/N. I just had so much to say!
ZPOV
(A/N For those of you who didn't read the long AN at the top, please at least read the one directly above this. THANX!)
I watched as Cammie raced to town. I couldn't help but notice how the cold December sun brought out tints of red in her dirty blonde hair. Or how her eyes lit up when she smiled and laughed. When she hugged Eli, it was with a protective air that I rarely saw. In my line of work, love was scarce. And usually, the little love I saw was fake. The smiles were forced, the hugs weren't genuine, and the eyes showed no sincerity. But it was different with Cammie.
She was easy to read. It was obvious when she was happy, or sad, or excited. But she had a mask on at the same time. She rarely ever showed pain. And it surprised me that she stood out so long. Most civilians would never have lasted that long under the mental pressure Cammie was constantly exposed to. I felt a new respect for her at that moment.
I realized something then. Cammie was beautiful. Not in the overstated way like Amber, god no. She was beautiful in the little things she did, she was beautiful in a quiet way. If Amber was a showoffy hibiscus (yeah, that's right, I just made up a word ;), Cammie was the simple, beautiful milk white rose.
And she was braver than most spies I know. Much more noble in my opinion. How? Most spies become spies for one reason: fame. Yeah, that's right. They see movies like Mission Impossible and they think that life will be just like Tom Cruise's. But Cammie doesn't do what she does for herself. She was the most selfless person I knew.
I was brought back to my senses when I saw Cammie entered the park.
CPOV
I was thinking about him. Again. For some reason, all I could think about was Zach. They way he looked when we danced, his words to me after the dance, how he laughed when I told him my favorite animals were skunks (they only release the odor if you bother them!) after the dance, how he held me when we went to the nurse. Everywhere I went, I kept imagining him. I really think I'm going crazy right now. Suddenly, I felt someone behind me. The person's breath tickled my ear as they said, "Thinking about me?"
I let out a small shriek and spun around. It took all my self control not to gasp. Zach.
Zach was standing in front of me. My heart started beating faster, but I was able to talk.
"Zach? What are you doing here? And you wish..."
Zach smirked. "So, you never said goodbye before running off with DeeDee after the dance" he said.
I froze. "W-What?" I asked, my voice shaking.
Zach looked at me. "I think you know exactly what I mean"
I quickly lied, "I didn't go to the dance."
Zach scoffed. "Ya right, and I'm a pink pony. You suck at lying Cammie."
I shook my head defeated. "Please don't tell anyone. Besides, how'd you know it was me?" I asked.
Zach looked at me with his brilliant green eyes. "I won't. And that's for me to know, and you to not find out."
I raised an eyebrow. "Sure..."
Turning around, I continued down the path.
"Shouldn't you be with Amber?" I asked. I had no idea where that came from and the words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Zach just shrugged, not offering an explanation. I could tell he didn't want to talk about it and I didn't probe any further.
Suddenly, Zach said, "Hey, Cammie, you know you still owe me a favor."
I looked at him in confusion. "For what?"
"Taking you to the nurse when you sprained your ankle last month" he said not missing a beat. I was surprised he still remembered that.
"Umm...Ok sure, what do you want me to do?" I said. I was totally not ready for what he said next.
"A date. I want you to go on a date with me" he said. I stared at him. It took me a while to process what he just said. ZACHERY GOODE asked ME on a DATE! I discreetly pinched myself to make sure I wasn't dreaming.
"Follow me" he said not waiting for a response. He grabbed my arm and led me through the snow in the park.
"Uh Zach, where are you taking me?" I asked a little unsure of what he was doing. Zach just turned around and smirked. "You'll see". This annoyed me. "Why do you have to be so cryptic?" I muttered to myself. Zach laughed and I blushed realizing he heard me. We walked in silence for a little bit longer until Zach suddenly stopped. I ran into him and almost fell down but quickly caught myself. I peered over his shoulder and my jaw dropped.
"Ice skating? We're going ice skating?" Zach nodded smirking.
"Ummm. Zach, you should know, I don't know how to ice skate." I said. I remembered the last time I had been ice skating. Let's just say it didn't end well for me or the people around me. I wasn't ready to make a fool of myself in front of Zach. Not yet. Not ever. Zach rolled his eyes.
"It's easy, just follow me." I followed him a little nervous. "Zach, I really don't think that this is such a good idea" I said, freaking out now.
Zach laughed. I tried to run, but Zach put his arm over my shoulder stopping me from escaping. I blushed furiously. Why was he suddenly acting like this? He was dating Amber! And there is no way he could like me, so what was his ulterior motive? These thoughts were pushed out of my head when Zach led me to a small booth to get skates. I told the man my shoe size and Zach did the same. I pulled out my wallet and fished around for money. I was about to hand a ten dollar bill to the man when Zach swatted my hand away. He then proceeded to pay for my rental skates and his. I started to protest."Hey! Zach, you can't pay for tho-" I was cut off by Zach pulling me over to the ice rink. It was an outdoor ice rink regulated by the city. In the summer, the pond was used for fishing and during the winter, the city made it into an ice rink. Zach and I sat down in the snow and I pulled my worn sneakers off and stuffed my freezing toes into the skates. I laced them up and by the time I was done putting both skates on, Zach was standing by the rink waiting for me. I looked at him.
"You know, I think I'll stay right here. You go ahead." I said. Zach rolled his eyes and walked over to me. He pulled me up and I immediately fell over. Zach quickly caught me and I blushed as he steadied me.
"Okay, come on Cammie. Here hold my hand and take small steps" he said looking at me, his voice amused. I nodded. Slowly, Zach and I made our way over to the ice rink. I stood at the edge, wondering whether I should step onto the ice or not.
"Zach, I'm REALLY not too sure about this" I said still scared. Suddenly, I felt someone push me and I tumbled onto the ice. Somehow, I didn't lose my balance yet and I stood there on the ice, eyes wide, face red, and hair a mess. Zach stood at the edge of the rink smirking. God why does that boy smirk so much? I put two and two together and realized that Zach had pushed me out onto the ice.
"Zach!" I screamed. In my anger, I unconsciously took a step and fell onto the ice. On my butt. I was officially making a fool of myself and embarrassing Zach. I half-expected him to turn around and walk away from me like we had never met. Instead, he glided smoothly across the ice and stood in front of me. He pulled me up.
"Here, let me help" he said still smirking.
(NEW CHAPTER)
*-*-*-*-* LATER *-*-*-*-*
(A/N It took so long to do that!)
CPOV
Zach and I were laughing as we walked back to return our skates. The day had been perfect. Zach, after many falls from me, succeeded in teaching me how to skate. My mind went fuzzy every time he held me, making learning that much harder.
"And when he opened the box, my friend jumped out wearing a coconut bra and a grass skirt with a ukulele. GOD I can still see our principle's face!" Zach said.
I burst out laughing. Tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. As I caught my breath, I saw Zach staring at me and I blushed furiously again. We returned our skates and I shivered in the strong wind. Zach looked at me.
"Cold? Don't you have a jacket?" he asked. I shook my head.
"No, I'm go-" Just then, the wind blew again and I shivered violently. I blushed. Why can't I ever lie?
Zach smirked and started to take off his jacket.
"No, Zach, I'm fine, really! Keep your jacket on! I'm wearing my sweater, I'm not cold!" I protested. But Zach just wrapped his jacket around me. His scent hit me like a tidal wave. It was intoxicating. I breathed in deeply when his back was turned. The jacket was warm and the leather was worn; it was perfect. As we walked, Zach held my hand and my skin tingled. I felt butterflies in my stomach. What was it about him that turned me into a puddle?
We talked as we walked. About everything. He told me all about his old school and his friends in Ohio. I told him everything about Josh and DeeDee and Eli. How I lived only with my father and brother. For some reason, I trusted Zach. I had only spent one afternoon with him but it felt like I'd known him my whole life. Still, I didn't tell him that my father was abusive. I wasn't ready to tell him that.
"So, Cam, tell me more about your family" Zach said.
"Like what?"
He shrugged. "What's your father like?"
I felt a lump rise in my throat. What was I supposed to say?
"Uh...He loves to watch TV and he hates his job." Technically, what I said wasn't lying. I just didn't go into detail.
"He's very irritable and he has a bit of a temper" I continued. Zach looked at me and I knew he could tell I wasn't telling him something. We had stopped walking and Zach held my gaze. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. Zach's eyes suddenly flickered upwards looking at something in the distance, but he looked back so quickly, I was sure I imagined it. He suddenly turned around.
"We should get going if we want to get something to eat before we head back" he said. I nodded. We made our way through the park. Hand in hand, we crossed the street into a small, bustling cafe. A small brass bell clanked as we entered the store. I slid into an empty booth next to the window as Zach got our food. He returned with two burgers and fries and hot chocolate. I sipped the hot drink and sighed gratefully as the warmth spread through me.
"Thanks Zach" I said turning around to look outside the window. Suddenly, I felt a fry whack my head. I turned around bewildered, that is, until I saw Zach smirking and staring down at his food.
"Zach!" I said, slightly amused. I grabbed a fry and launched it at him. He ducked and emerged laughing. I couldn't help but laugh along with him.
We were half way through our meal when I saw them through the window. Amber and her 'friends' were crossing the road, headed straight for the cafe Zach and I were currently in. I quickly stood up.
"Excuse me" I said before rushing to the bathroom. I entered the bathroom and quickly locked it behind me. I leaned against the sink and examined my face in the mirror. My eyes were bright and my cheeks were a deep crimson from blushing so much. My hair had come out of its bun and hung loose over my shoulder and a smile was etched on my lips. Zach's jacket was too big on me, weighing me down. So in short, I didn't recognize myself at all. Who was this Cammie that hung around with Zachery Goode all day? The one who didn't flinch when said boy held her in his arms or held her hand. Most of all, what surprised her was that she was happy. No, she was beyond happy, she was ecstatic. She was simply oozing joy and radiating smiles. It wasn't like her at all. Cammie shook her head and remembered why she hid in the bathroom in the first place. Amber. Amber was walking towards the cafe and if she saw me and Zach together, the whole school would probably know by the end of the day. And if there's anything I hate more than my dad, it was attention. Sighing, I walked out of the bathroom and was relieved when she saw no sign of Amber. I ran to the booth Zach and I were sitting in.
"I'm sorry Zach! I really have to go. I didn't see the time and it's getting late..." She stopped in her tracks.
Amber, who had just entered the cafe, saw her. And Zach. And Amber didn't look very happy. She made her way over to me and Zach.
"Oh Zachy-poo! There you are! I was missed you! We had sooooo much fun last night! But you just disappeared this morning!" She said sliding in next to Zach. Wait. Did Amber just say she and Zach had 'fun' last night. I suddenly felt sick. My head swam at the turn of events. Amber then turned to me.
"What are you doing here? God are you so desperate to be liked as to actually stalk my boyfriend?" she asked in a sneering voice. "I mean did you actually think Zach liked you? Look at you! You're ugly Cammie, just face it and get on with life. God!" I looked at her. Then at Zach.
"Cam-" he started, but Amber quickly kissed him. I felt REALLY sick now. I shrugged Zach's jacket off. I ran to the door, tears already spilling. Outside, I made no delay running across the street and into the park.
(NEW CHAPTER)
CPOV
The Roseville Park was pretty big, but it seemed small because of all the woods surrounding it. The trees had never been removed from the area and they were HUGE. Towering far above me. The winter light filtered through their leaves as I ran. I always liked coming here. I could think and I enjoyed the silence and solitude the trees provided. I ran until I found my favorite log. The fallen tree was enormous and the branches provided a pretty comfortable seat. I sat down and sobs ripped through my body. Tears flowed easily down my face, falling in my hair and onto my sweater.
How could I have been so stupid? Of course Zach was playing with me! Zach liked Amber; they even made love, which Amber admitted. I buried my head in my lap and hugged myself. My heart was broken. I had finally accumulated enough stupidity to let Zach in and now look what happened. He broke my heart. I had let down my walls for nothing. Who knew how long it would take me to build them up again? It had taken me a lifetime to build my old ones.
My heart was shattered into a million pieces and I knew I would never be able to find them all, because no matter what I told myself, I knew Zach had stolen a few. My heart would forever be incomplete and broken. I had trusted him! I told him so much about me. I could see Zach and Amber together, laughing over my idiocy and I could almost hear Zach's voice as he told them about my secrets. I hated myself. For being so utterly stupid and vulnerable and weak. My dad was right. I was useless. Amber was right too. Who in their right mind would ever like me? Cammie Morgan, the chameleon. Invisible. The girl who went through life unnoticed.
I sobbed. My chest hurt, constricting painfully. I felt cold inside. Dead. Hollow. Alone. Would my life always be like this? Was my fate to walk this earth, not knowing true love? Don't get me wrong, I know Josh and DeeDee and Eli loved me, but they loved me as a friend and as a sister. And that wasn't the kind of love I was talking about. I was talking about the love between two people. Soul mates. What had I done to deserve this?
I realized something then, sitting on an old, insect infected log in the forest, surrounded by pine trees.
Who would ever love me?
The thought of that simple statement brought forth even more tears, if that were possible. I couldn't help but cry. I couldn't help but gasp as my heart broke, sending shrapnel everywhere, making my whole body hurt. I couldn't help the tears that ran down my face. And I hated it. I hated feeling sorry for myself because life moves on. Life wasn't going to wait for me while I cried. It wasn't going to wait for me, comfort me, and help me back to my feet. No. That was something I had to learn to do on my own. And once I accepted the fact that I would never find true love, it became easier to stop crying. The vows I made to keep my heart safe and save me from pain alleviated the soreness in my muscle. The dizziness I had been feeling vanished. I closed my eyes and promised never to open my heart like that again.
1
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10
By the time I was done counting, the walls around my heart were up and functioning. This time, more guarded. I was more careful, adding layer after layer after layer of protection to my heart. I built a fort, closing off my heart from the world. Protecting it. To save me from the pain. I took a shaky breath and carefully opened my eyes.
Standing up, I dried my tears, dropped on my mask, and made my way to the edge of the forest. Through the trees, I could see cars passing by. I could hear children laughing. But it didn't make me feel as lonely as I had felt before. I learned from my stupidity. I vowed never to show emotion again.
I walked slowly, I savored the cold. The rain that started washed away my tears, leaving no trace behind. Any evidence of my breakdown was gone.
The rain battered my skin. The torrents of water that cascaded down me stung. But I savored it. Call me masochistic if you will, but the physical pain helped numb the throbbing of my raw wounds.
I took my time in walking to my street. Taking the longer routes that wound through the town, I prepared myself mentally, for meeting my father. He would be furious no doubt about that. I would definitely have new bruises, maybe a broken bone or two, at the most if I was lucky. I could count on a few gashes if he had a bad day at work. And then there was Eli. I knew my dad would turn on him if I didn't show up. I checked my watch.
Twenty minutes at most before my dad started hurting Eli.
Suddenly, I saw Eli's face before me. His small nose. His black hair wild and in disarray, refusing to be tamed. His small frame covered in clothes too big for him. His large brown eyes. Just like my mom's. They were the color of chocolate, his favorite food. I used to tell him that his eyes were brown because of all the chocolate he would eat. He immediately stuffed himself full of carrots hoping his eyes would turn a bright red-orange. I laughed at the memory. Then I saw him, the onetime my father hurt him. Lying on the living room floor, broken, defeated. An angel. A fallen angel. His tear-stricken face haunted me and I suddenly broke out into a run, wanting to avoid another encounter of taking my baby brother to the ER, lying, saying that he had fell down the stairs. Even if I got the chance, I would never tell them about the abuse. No. I couldn't. It's not like they cared anyway. The second the words came out of my mouth, they would call the police, who would investigate. Eli and I would be turned over to social services, to be adopted, separated for life. Eli might have a chance then. He might end up with a rich family who had a large house, plenty of food, maybe other children or a dog, and heaps of love to give to Eli. But I was too selfish. I couldn't bear to lose another part of my family, another part of my life. I didn't want to share his smiles, his laughter, and his blissful happiness with anyone. I was too selfish.
The thought pushed me harder and I ran even faster, the wet, slippery pavement flying under my feet. I checked my watch. Fifteen minutes to go.
Hope you guys liked the chapter! The last one I put in so you guys could really get to know Cammie. I realized, that I know Cammie, since I'm writing the story, but you guys haven't had a chance to really see her, so I put this in. It really shows how she feels about love and a little more about her relationship with Eli. Thanx for reading! Until next time! (which is hopefully soon =). As always, I'm open to suggestions and tips and critique! If you guys have an idea, put it into the review, and I'll try to incorporate it into the story! CYA! 3
~ ilovepie2012 ~