Audrey stayed with him as he healed over, each day was an uphill struggle. It seemed like for every two steps they took they were jumping back one. But she persisted, and never judged him, how could she. He got use to her being around him, when he was down, allowing her to see the cracks. He opened to her eventually, and they would sit and talk sometimes without even using words.

"I love you jack." She said kissing him as she curled up in the chair.

"You should go home and get some rest." He said softly reaching over and grabbing her hand to kiss it.

"I will eventually."

"Audrey I'm fine. I haven't broken down in what a few days. Must be a record."

She could hear the embarrassment and disgust in his voice, he was always so hard on himself. "Jack you know it takes a lot of strength to show your pain, to open up to someone that's real courage. We all know you can storm into a situation and put your life on the line, but it's what you do afterwards is where the real strength lies. Anyone can give up their life, but it takes strength to pick the pieces back up after your life has fallen apart. And even more strength to glue those pieces back together. You'll still have bumps and cracks, but that's life."

Jack's face turned red with embarrassment. "I know." He said softly. He loved her, so much, he hadn't loved someone in a long time, himself included. She had a way of making him feel safe, making him want to find the strength to build his life back up. "I love you too." He scratched his eye, scratching the tears away. Kim was out of his life, there was not much he could do but wait around for her to come back, and even than he wasn't sure. Could he push his daughter away? Push was the wrong word, she pushed him away, could he turn his back on her?

"But really Audrey you should go home and rest. You haven't had a decent nights sleep in awhile. I'll be fine. I promise. I'll be right here when you wake up, and if I need you they trust me with a phone now so I can call you." He smiled at her to make his point, "You need rest too."

She was trying to find what game he was playing, but there was none. "Ok. But call me if you need me Jack. And none of that tough guy bullshit."

After Audrey left the boredom set in, and with it came the need to get out of the room he had been in for so long. Audrey had helped him through the trying times of being stuck in the hospital room.

It seemed like hours passed, nurses came in and checked on him, but it wasn't the same. So he was surprised when the two men in suits walked into his room.

"Jack Bauer?" One man asked, as if he did not already know who Jack was from his file.

"yeah who are you?" Jack said setting up in bed ignoring the pain in his body.

"FBI. I'm Agent Penn and this is my colleague Agent State."

"What can I do for you?"

"It seems you got quite a name down in Mexico. Under the Salazars and on your own recently." The agent knew better than to mention the conditions under which jack Bauer himself got a name for himself as ruthless. It must be true, drugs cloud ones judgment all the while making them want nothing more than the drug. Made sense that even Jack Bauer wasn't immune from the drugs ways.

Jack started to turn pale, he had wondered if that would catch up with him. He had not told Audrey about the runs he did. Mostly working as a strong arm for some guy named Vince. He cracked a few ribs, broke a few bones, and killed a drug dealer, but the people he hurt had all been dealers or bad people in a way. It seemed to make it acceptable. That was except for that one time. That one time that would haunt him, like all the other images that haunted him. He made sure that Vince wouldn't call on him again. Vince was not the type of man you said no too, he was connected, a made man. Jack had slipped under the drug more, letting it take control to partially block out what he had done, and also to make him useless to Vince.

"Now Jack my colleague Agent State thinks we should take you up on charges of rape."

bMy hands are broken and time is going on and on

It goes forever (how long)

So I got high and lived all that life

I have taken all for granted /b

Steve stepped into Jack's room hoping to find Audrey there, instead he saw the two men in suits. "Is everything ok Jack?" Steve asked hesitantly.

"Um yeah." Jack said clearly shaken.

"Who are you?" Agent State asked.

"Agent Steve Barker, Secret Service."

Agent Penn knew that was their clue to leave. "this is my card Jack call me in the next 24 hours with an answer."

Jack took the card, his hand slightly shaking as he moved it back to the bed.

Steve watched the men walk out, "What was that all about?"

"nothing."

Steve knew it was more than nothing, he shifted uncomfortably on his feet before he sat down. "Audrey asked me to watch you while she was gone. She said you hated hospitals and probably would have an escape planned already."

That got a tiny smile out of Jack, a sad smile. "You love her don't you?" Jack asked cutting through all the bullshit and going straight to the point.

"I do." Steve said softly.

"I can understand that." Jack said softly, Steve was better for Audrey, he would keep her safe. She would always be in danger with him, and he was not the type of man she deserved. Not with the things he had done, "Take care of her."

"What about you Jack?" Steve asked surprised.

"We both know she'll be in danger as long as she is with me. I love her, but I can't do this to her again. Eventually someone will catch up to me, and get their revenge. I don't' want Audrey brought into that. I know you'll protect her and take care of her. You love her, I can see that, and she cares for you. She'll love you once she sees that the person she thought I was, was nothing more than a façade."

"I…I..Jack I cannot." Steve said shocked by Jack's truthfulness. He had thought the same but he didn't verbalize it. He wouldn't let him do this.

"Just take care of her." Jack said laying back down in bed and closing his eyes. He had a headache, and he couldn't stand to watch his life disappear before him again.

b Promise me you'll try to leave it all behind

Cause I've elected hell

Lying to myself

Why have I gone blind?

Live another life

You

/b

Steve left the room leaving Jack to himself. He made sure to call Audrey as soon as he left. Jack was acting weird, and Steve was sure the suited men had something to do with it. He would find out who they were, not for Jack, but for Audrey.

i "Jack I don't understand?"

"I'm sorry." He said softly, "I can't do this anymore. I can't keep pretending everything is ok."

"I thought everything was fine. How long have you been pretending? Why won't you just open up to me?"

"Kate I'm sorry." Jack said shoving the last of his clothes into the duffel bag. He hated himself for leeching onto Kate, he needed someone, always did need someone in his life. Someone to help him forget at the end of the day all the bad stuff. Someone that he could come home to and know they were not fully aware of all the bad stuff that goes on in the world everyday. Someone innocent.

"I don't accept that Jack. Can't we at least have lunch and talk?"

"I can't. I'm leaving town."

"Today?"

"No. Soon. I have a lot I have to do before I leave."

"Where are you going?"

Jack gave her a look, he didn't mean to look at her as if she was stupid, "You know I can't tell you Kate. I'm sorry. I really am. This is better in the end."

"Better for you. Jack why are you so afraid to leave all that behind you. Why are you so afraid to live?"

/i

Audrey returned to the hospital, speeding her way there after the call from Steve. He had not told her about the men in suits, he did not want to worry her if it had been nothing.

She walked into Jack's room and noticed an obvious change in him. "What's wrong?" She asked softly walking over to take Jack's hand.

Jack sat up in the bed, his head was still pounding. "We need to talk." He said softly. The plan he had formulated was to push her away, but when she walked into the room he knew that would never be possible. She would not just allow him to act mean to her, and than she would leave him.

"About what?"

"I want you to move on Audrey."

Audrey sighed, "Jack we have been over this already."

"I'm serious Audrey. I do not want to be with you anymore. You deserve a chance at a real life. You won't have that with me Audrey. My life will never be normal. Danger will always be lurking around the next corner. And I cannot do that to you. I made my choice a long time ago, and I don't want you to have to make the same choice."

"Don't you think that is my decision."

"No its not." His voice was loud, almost scaring Audrey at it's sudden change. "I can't I won't Audrey. Not again, never again."

She wanted to tell him she wasn't Teri, and that she wouldn't die, but she knew that wouldn't help.

"Forget about me Audrey. Just move on. There is someone better out there for

you. I am not the one."

The tears she had been holding back started to fall from her eyes, she hated herself for it, "No Jack I won't let you do this."

"You don't have a choice Audrey. I'm done. I can't. Leave, move on." He was afraid to talk anymore afraid he would show her the pain he felt for causing her pain, and for having to say goodbye.

"No." Audrey said staring Jack down, his blue eyes boring into hers. "What are you doing?" She said rushing over to him as he pushed off the bed.

"If you won't leave than I will."

"Jack why are you doing this? What changed since this afternoon."

Jack started to pull the various wires from his body. The heart machine sounded its warning. It was only seconds later a nurse rushed in to check.

"What are you doing mister Bauer?"

"I'm leaving."

"Jack… Please don't do this." Audrey said almost sobbing.

"If you don't leave I'll walk out of here now Audrey."

"Ok I'll leave for now." She said hoping that if she gave him some time he would calm down enough to talk to her. "I'll be back later." She said sobbing as she walked out of the room.

Jack heard her sobs as she walked down the hallway.

The nurse watched stunned.

All the strength he had left him as he sat back down on the bed, putting his hand over his eyes trying to hide the tears.

Steve walked into the room.

Jack didn't lift his head, "Go after her Steve and take care of her for me."

The nurse stood in the room still.

Jack addressed her, "Could you stop that machine please, and than leave."

"Mr. Bauer I really need to keep that connected to you."

"Please just give me some time." Jack said, the distress in his voice clear. He was almost sobbing.

"Ok." She said turning the machine off and leaving the room.

Jack took a few minutes to mourn the end of his new life, and than he got himself under control. Grabbing the phone he dialed the number on the card. When the other line picked up he said, "I'll do it. Just get me out of here."

bThe only way out is letting you guard down

And never die forgotten (I Know)

Forgive me my love

I stand here all alone and I can see the bottom /b

Walking down the busy street, he ran his hand through his short crop hair. He had been disconnected from people for over a week now, and disconnected from anyone he cared to talk to for months. His time at the FBI was spent learning about the Kelly family. Being undercover was nothing new to him, but this was a different kind of undercover. These men weren't terrorist they were businessmen with thugs, and he would be going in as himself. They would know who he was day one, and he had to convince them he was no longer working for the CIA. It shouldn't be too hard with his past.

He had learned one piece of information that he found interesting. Vince DeFrako had learned who Jack really was, it was shortly after that, that the thugs that had bashed him learned who he was. Jack was sure the information had come from Vince. That would make things difficult because Vince would not be so kind to him upon meeting him this time, death was a likely outcome, if he was not ready to play the game.

Walking into the bar he knew Vince hung out in a lot, Jack took a bar stool and ordered a beer. Drinking it slowly he quickly took his surroundings in. An exit through the back, and a guarded door which meant someone important was behind it.

It did not take long for Vince to come walking into the bar as if he owned the place. Chances are he probably owned a piece of it, or knew the person who did. Vince took a seat a few bar stools down from Jack, not taking the time to notice the other patron.

It wasn't until the bar maid came up to Jack again to see if he wanted another beer that Vince noticed him. Jack made no attempt for him to be noticed, he wanted to seem as shocked as Vince would be when he saw his former thug sitting at a bar in New York.

"Jack ?" Vince asked, having remembered the man only because of how good he had been, and the let down when he become a full blown junkie, and later discovering he was a federal agent. Vince had been sure he was not faking as a junkie, he had been a true one. Vince saw him shoot up in front of him multiple times, and then there was the stuff he did for him. A federal agent would never do that. Either way he had thought he had it taken care of. Clearly if you want something done right.

"Um yeah." Jack said looking clearly uncomfortable. "nice to see you again Vince."

"When did you leave Mexico?"

"few months ago. I wasn't really welcome there anymore, and a friend found me. I went into rehab." Jack said rubbing his hands trying to act worried.

"So you're clean?"

"Few months." Jack said softly. "I should have you to thank for that probably." He decided to take the direct approach.

"What do you mean?" Vince asked trying to hide a smile.

"Someone found out about what I use to do, and told them guys. They made it well known despite my current condition that I wasn't welcomed there anymore. Luckily a friend found me before I died." Jack allowed the anger he had felt since he could remember, show through. All of it was not particularly directed at Vince, or even Jack himself, some of it was just because of how much the world had screwed him over time after time.

"It was just biz-ness Jack."

"I understand Vince. You can't have an ex federal agent working for you. Even if I did work for the CIA's Counter-Terrorism Unit. What I need to know now are what are your intentions? Do I need to leave New York?" Jack asked, being undercover again, this moment in time felt good. It felt like he actually had a purpose, to get undercover with the Kelly's. A point to waking up, and the game, the game was almost as great as heroin. That's all it was in the end, a game. Who could deceive who the most.

"You say Counter-Terrorism."

"Yeah Vince did you not check out further? Really what agency would like their undercover agent become a junkie?" Jack said knowing that his laughing at Vince could end up doing more harm than good. These guys had egos, and they were big egos they didn't like to be hurt.

"What brings you to New York Jack?" Vince ignored his comment he was trying to decided whether or not he needed to get someone to take care of Jack for him.

"Just trying to find some work, and keep myself clean." Jack said looking away as if he were embarrassed by his drug habit, not that it was a hard reaction.

"What type of work?"

"Something that pays." Jack said shifting on his seat.

"If I remember correctly you can fight pretty good?"

"Yeah. I learned in the force."

"which branch?"

"Army, Delta." Jack said knowing how much they respected the armed forces.

"We had this fight scheduled for tonight but one of the guys backed out. If you want a job show up back here in a few hours ready to box."

"thanks Vince." Jack said getting up his stomach growling in want of food. The FBI had been kind enough to send him off with a pat on the back and nothing more. He had no money, so he had been sleeping under the bridge and in abandoned buildings for the past week, while he was prepping his cover story of having just got into town. The money he had now, someone had been kind enough to give him earlier that morning. And as one of the people who walked by and stated out loud to the nice person who gave him the money, he did waste it on alcohol.

"You look skinny when's the last time you had something to eat?"

Jack shrugged his shoulders. "Rehab doesn't pay." Was all he stated.

"Lucy get the man a meal, can't have him fighting on an empty stomach." Vince said, sort of his way of apologizing, even though he didn't feel the need to.

"Thanks Vince." Jack said sitting down again.

i "Now Jack my colleague Agent State thinks we should take you up on charges of rape."

"I didn't rape her."

"no but you aided in it." Agent State said glaring at Jack.

"I couldn't stop him."

"She was an Agent you fucking asshole." Agent State said fuming, part of it was an act, he really didn't care. The Agent had been warned about what could happen to her in the field, and yet she choose to go into it. It was a mans job, not a woman's. But he would play his part.

"I...I… didn't know." Jack whispered, it didn't matter if she was an Agent or not he still felt just as guilty. He wanted to take the easy way out and blame the drug, but he knew it was still his fault no matter what drugs he was under the influence of.

"Doesn't matter Bauer and you know that." Agent State snapped.

Agent Penn stepped in, "We would be willing to look past that if you help us on this matter. We cannot get anyone else undercover. The family has become distant not allowing anyone new in." Agent Penn stopped letting the words settle in, "You already have a connection. Vince, a low level thug for the family, but you are known for your ability to work your way up the ladder."

"I can't. I'm not an agent anymore." Jack said, he could see his dreams for that new life slipping away. He knew if the government wanted him hey would get him, he was their lapdog.

"That is also why we need you. They'll find your connections but why would a man working in terrorism go undercover with the mafia? Makes no sense knowing that the mafia is United States loving, terrorist hating people. Your record helps."

"How long?" Jack asked, wondering how long they expected him to be undercover.

"It would be deep cover Jack." Which meant years?

"And if I say no?"

"We could tell your girlfriend about that incident, make it publicly known about you. The press would eat it up. Scandal associated with Secretary Heller. With his possible presidential bid, they would play it over and over. You would be an instant star and ruining Secretary Heller's chances at the same time." /i

"hey there buddy it's time to go." Vince said gently touching Jack's shoulder. Jack had been in a daze for over an hour.

"Sorry." Jack said wiping his eyes in a tempt to wipe the memories away. "Where to?"

"you'll find out when we get there." Vince was more confident of Jack's story now that he had stayed at the bar until fight time, which wouldn't give him time to alert anyone of what was going down. They were running his record now, that was if his families connections could get it.

Jack followed behind, his head hung low. At least he got some food, he thought, and possibility of some money. He might actually be able to afford a crappy hotel room tonight. A bed would be nice to sleep on again.