Author's Note: Hey, everyone! I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who reviewed the previous chapter, your feedback was really helpful and appreciated. I'm gonna have to start downloading iCarly episodes online or just watching them on Youtube : ) Spoiler alert: this is a long chapter and tears will be shed. Enough said.
Disclaimer: I do not own iCarly or its characters. All I own is my creative spin ; )
23 April, 2014
Washington State University – 3rd year (2nd semester)
It was 7am on Wednesday morning and Freddie was sleeping peacefully in his bed in his dorm. He had battled with insomnia for the past couple of nights and the previous night had been the first night that he had collapsed onto his bed and fallen asleep instantaneously. Ever since Gibby's birthday, Freddie had felt a strange feeling gradually growing in the pit of his stomach every time he thought about either Carly or Sam these days.
He supposed that it must be normal on some level to still harbour some romantic feelings for Carly after all this time. But Sam? She despised him and he did everything in his power to avoid her or get one over her. He wasn't supposed to get jealous when she flirted with other guys or ignored him. Nothing made sense anymore.
Freddie had finally made up his mind on the matter. Whatever was going on was just a temporary distraction. He had to concentrate on preparing for his finals occurring in a few weeks time and try to push any lingering feelings of unease into the recesses of his mind. Just as he was settling into dozing off for another 30 minutes, he was greeted with an incessant number of loud knocks on his and Gibby's door.
Freddie woke with a start and glanced over at Gibby, who was lying on his stomach on his bed in a deep sleep. Freddie rolled onto his other side, hoping that whoever was knocking would eventually give up and go away. Freddie cursed aloud when it was obvious that the knocker had no intention of stopping until he opened up. With a groan, Freddie got out of bed in a grey sweatpants and a white T-shirt and shuffled towards the door with bleary eyes. He opened the door to reveal Sam standing just beyond it, already dressed in denim knee-high shorts, a white T-shirt, her favourite brown corduroy jacket with the colourful patches and insignia on it and white and purple high-tops, looking extremely chipper.
"Morning, Fredwad." Sam greeted with an obscene amount of cheerfulness in her tone for so early in the morning.
"Sam, what are you doing here?" Freddie asked tiredly while stifling a yawn.
"We're heading out." Sam explained simply.
"Heading out where? What are you talking about?" Freddie demanded blankly while rubbing his eyes painstakingly.
"You and I are going bike riding in Moscow today. You look like you could use the fresh air." Sam replied with a smirk on her face at Fred's dishevelled brown hair.
"Very funny, Sam. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going back to bed for another 30 minutes, then I'm heading to class." Freddie interjected irritably as he made to shut the door in her face.
"Oh come on, Freddie. Where's your sense of adventure?" Sam pressed impatiently, using her foot to stop the door from slamming.
"I'm not gonna cut class just to satisfy your inherent desire to break all the rules, Sam. Why do you even want to go bike riding?" Freddie demanded irritably.
"Because you said that your Mom didn't let you bring your bike with you to college because she was afraid you'd fall down some man hole with it. Forgive me, but I thought you'd want to do something daring for a change since you always have to follow the rules-"
"I don't always have to follow the rules!" Freddie shot back defensively, idly wondering why he had let Sam bait him like that.
"Prove it. Come bike riding with me." Sam prompted with a tantalising smile on her face.
"Why are you asking me? Why didn't you ask Carly?" Freddie asked suspiciously, wondering if there was in fact a specific reason why Sam wanted him to tag along with her.
"Carly? Please. The last time I talked Carly into cutting class with me, she wilfully turned herself in for a month of detention because she felt really guilty about it." Sam explained maliciously.
"So what do you say, Benson? Are you in or out?" Sam asked evenly, her face inches away from his as she engaged him in a staring contest.
Freddie felt completely out of his depth in this particular scenario. He was warring with his heart and his head simultaneously. His head told him that the responsible thing would be to just ignore Sam's obvious jab at his self-esteem and just go to class. But his heart was telling him that you only lived once.
"In." Freddie answered softly, his eyes never breaking contact with hers.
Kelly returned to hers and Carly's dorm around 08:45 to get her textbooks for her next lecture occurring in 15 minutes. She was surprised when she found Carly lying atop her made-up bed, fully dressed for lectures and staring up at the ceiling, clearly deep in thought.
"Carly?" Kelly asked curiously as she dumped her purse down onto her own bed.
Carly glanced up from her staring contest with the ceiling to look at her roommate.
"Hey," Carly greeted back slowly, her eyes looking slightly out of focus.
"What are you still doing here? I thought you went to class," Kelly pointed out worriedly.
"I was all set to go. I guess I just lost track of time." Carly responded sheepishly.
Kelly furrowed her eyebrows while she sat down next to Carly on the bed.
"Are you okay?" she pressed anxiously.
"What do you mean?" Carly asked in bewilderment, looking genuinely confused.
"You've got this faraway look in your eyes and you look like you've been staring at the ceiling for at least a good hour. What's going on?" Kelly demanded worriedly.
When Carly made a non-committal shrug, Kelly became more vehement.
"Carly, you know you can tell me anything. I'm your friend. If something's bothering you, I want to know." Kelly pleaded earnestly while giving Carly's hand a reassuring squeeze.
Carly finally locked eyes with Kelly and took a deep breath as she sat up before answering.
"Okay. I have this friend who's having a problem with another friend of hers," Carly began haphazardly while pursing her hands together.
"Is this friend of yours fighting with this other friend?" Kelly asked curiously.
"No, they're not fighting. In fact, they're just fine. It's that just my friend has kinda realised that she may have feelings for this friend of hers. But my friend doesn't know how to broach the subject." Carly explained awkwardly.
Comprehension dawned on Kelly as she regarded Carly's posture.
"Oh my God, is your friend's friend another girl?" Kelly asked in awe.
"What?!" Carly demanded in bewilderment.
"No wonder your friend's having trouble admitting to her feelings for her friend. Same-sex relationships can be very tricky when you're experimenting," Kelly mused pensively.
"No, Kelly, it's me!" Carly shrieked defensively, wondering why she had begun this conversation in the first place.
Kelly's eyes nearly popped out of their sockets as she looked Carly up and down.
"Wow, Carly. I had no idea you swung that way, but each to their own, I guess. You don't have a crush on me, right? Because I love you honey, but I definitely don't swing that way. Oh my God, it's Sam isn't it? It makes total sense, considering the two of you grew up together-"
"It's not you or Sam, Kelly! It's Freddie!" Carly shouted frustratedly before she could take it back.
She cupped her hands over her mouth in shock while Kelly stared agape at her. She had finally voiced her deepest darkest thought after weeks of pondering over it, and it was out in the open now.
"You like Freddie?" Kelly asked in amazement.
Carly groaned loudly and collapsed onto her bed while covering her face with her hands.
"Yes," she admitted in a mortified tone after several pregnant seconds.
"Okay. When did this happen?" Kelly asked curiously, thinking that question might be the easiest for Carly to answer straight off the bat.
Freddie and Sam had finally arrived in picturesque Moscow around 9am via the WSU Campus Link bus. They were both sporting thick jackets because the weather was decidedly crisp and damp. They managed to find a bike rental place in the middle of town where they parted with a sizable deposit fee before departing with the bikes in hand. Freddie still couldn't believe that he had cut class; he had left Gibby a message to let him know where he had gone. He only hoped that his lecturers wouldn't notice that he was missing since he usually spoke a lot in class.
They had reached the top of a grassy hill, surveying how it sloped downwards into several twists and turns as it made its descent. If it was possible, the air had grown colder still with each passing second, causing Freddie to shiver even more.
"Scared, Benson?" Sam taunted with only the slightest trace of malice in her voice.
"You wish, Puckett," Freddie countered with a challenging gleam in his eye.
"Last one down is a nub," Sam began rapidly before pushing off on her pedal.
Freddie watched in fascination as Sam hurtled down the massive slope, shrieking in exhilaration at the top of her lungs. With a deep breath, Freddie kicked the side of his foot at his bike pedal and followed Sam as he lurched forward.
"…He was just so comforting and sensitive, Kelly. That was probably the first time that I really started seeing Freddie as more than just a friend. Every time he says or does anything around me these days, I get this weird feeling in my stomach, like I'm gonna throw up. Or like I've jumped off a cliff and I keep falling into oblivion. Maybe I'm just crazy, Kelly. But every now and then, I almost get the impression that maybe he might feel it too." Carly explained seriously as her heart continued hammering in her chest.
Freddie was falling faster now, the adrenaline ringing violently through his eardrums and coursing through his veins. Every time his bicycle wheels grazed against a clump of earth or a small rock, he felt sure that he would crash and fall into oblivion. The fear alone made him feel more exhilarated than he'd ever felt in his life.
"Sam, what are you doing?" Freddie asked anxiously as he saw Sam take her hands off of her bike handles.
"I'm improvising!" Sam cried out happily as her head arched backwards in intemperate bliss.
Instead of focusing on the possibility of falling, Freddie concentrated on just riding out his current high for however long it was supposed to last. He was falling hard and he had absolutely no idea.
"…The worst part is that he was in love with me for years and I rejected him every single time. It's just ironic that I would go and fall for him just as he's getting over me."
After Carly had concluded her monologue, Kelly asked another question foremost in her mind.
"Does Sam know?" she asked curiously.
Carly shook her head vehemently.
"Why not? She's your best friend." Kelly persisted quizzically.
"That's exactly why I haven't told her, Kelly. Sam sees Freddie as some kind of annoying bug that she just has to smash with a fire extinguisher. She'd never understand." Carly explained painstakingly.
"Well, are you going to tell Freddie?" Kelly asked seriously.
"I don't know. I felt like I was gonna puke just admitting my feelings to you. Imagine how much worse it'll be when it's Freddie standing in front of me." Carly responded wearily.
"Carly, this is way too important to blow off. Knowing Freddie, he'd probably wanna know that you're in love with him." Kelly answered frankly.
Carly nodded simply before doing a double take at Kelly's last sentence.
"What?!" Carly demanded bewilderedly, her eyes widening in surprise.
"Well…you are in love with Freddie, aren't you, Carly?" Kelly questioned slowly.
Carly gazed back at Kelly, her heart in her throat. The possibility that she was actually in love with Freddie hadn't even entered her mind till then. But now that the words were spoken, she unflinchingly knew it was true. And she couldn't take it back.
Freddie was still pedalling frantically after Sam while her own wheels zig-zagged in semi-circles across the patch of green. Every now and then, Sam glanced backwards at Freddie and pulled a funny face or just smiled her signature half smile at him. On the last occasion, the warning died on Freddie's lips when Sam's bike collapsed beneath her as she hit a mound of clay and fell off onto her side. Freddie tugged on his brakes sharply and let his bike fall as he ran towards Sam as she lay sprawled out on the ground.
His anxiety quickly turned to disbelief as he got closer and realised that she was laughing uproariously, her entire body vibrating with euphoria. At worst, she didn't look like she was injured at all, just winded.
"Sam, are you okay?" Freddie asked in a concerned voice as he bent over her.
"I'm fine." Sam wheezed through her laughter while she clutched her stomach painstakingly.
"Still, let me check for broken bones or a possible concussion. How does your head-"
"For God's sake, Freddie! I'm fine, really! This isn't an episode of 'Baywatch. Just help me up, please." Sam interjected calmly.
Freddie grimaced slightly as he took hold of Sam's hand and lifted her to her feet.
"Whoa, what a rush," Sam murmured elatedly.
"Only you would say something like that after you were almost killed," Freddie retorted dramatically.
"Oh come on, Freddie. It was just a little tumble. Nothing to alert Seattle Grace Hospital over." Sam joked hoarsely.
A droplet of water fell onto Freddie's jacket and he wiped it off unconsciously. Without warning, it began raining all around them amidst the sunshine. Sam emitted a surprised squeal at the rain that had begun pelting down onto their heads. Without thinking about it, Freddie took hold of Sam's hand and they began sprinting towards a clump of trees a few meters away, Sam laughing uproariously the entire time.
Sam's laughter had finally subsided when they were safely under the shelter of the thick branches. As Freddie bent over to catch his breath, Sam began tucking wet strands of her blonde hair (which was now dark brown due to the rain) behind her ear. Freddie glanced between his and Sam's rain-sodden clothes and groaned loudly.
"Any more great ideas, Sam?" Freddie asked tersely, which made her chuckle even more.
"Put on wet suits?" she joked lightly with a grin on her face.
"Today would be the day that you actually grow a sense of humour," Freddie quipped sardonically.
"I've always had a sense of humour, Fredward. How do you know that today wasn't 'Do Something Charitable for a Dork' day?" Sam asked pleasantly.
"Because you don't 'do' charitable things, Sam." Freddie pointed out frankly with air quotes.
"That's not true," Sam responded quickly, the smile evaporating off her face.
"Are you actually going to stand there and tell me that you've actually done something charitable for another human being on this planet?" Freddie demanded flippantly, his hands folded across his chest.
"I do nice things for Carly all the time." Sam retorted defensively.
"Of course. Carly's the only person who falls under that umbrella of 'Acts of Kindness, Not Fists of Fury' a la Sam Puckett. You and I are supposed to have been friends for just as long and you've never once treated me with the same courtesy." Freddie answered coldly, the cold rain drops trickling into his hair and down his face.
"Geez, Freddie. Do you always have to take things so personally? Did you ever think that maybe this was my way of making it up to you?" Sam asked seriously, her eyes darting around at their surroundings.
When Freddie made no response except to stare down at his feet, Sam stepped towards him.
"Come on, you dork. Why don't we call a truce and just be friends? Whaddya say?" she asked of him with a cheeky grin on her face, extending her hand towards him.
Freddie glanced down at Sam's outstretched hand for a long while before moving up towards her face. When he finally reached her eyes, he fully expected to see her usual mirth and malevolence dancing in those steely blue-green orbs of hers. He was more than surprised by the sudden warmth apparent in her eyes and the simple vulnerability of her gesture which threatened to sear a hole through his brain. Without a word, Freddie reached out and grasped her hand, his cold and clammy fingers ghosting across the planes of her frigid hand.
"That's not enough for me," Freddie murmured frankly before leaning in and capturing Sam's lips with his own.
The rain continued pelting down all around them as Freddie kissed Sam with unrepressed ferocity and laboured breaths, pouring all of his bewildered thoughts and feelings into his ministrations. Sam tilted her head to the side as her hands moved towards Freddie's shoulder blades and gripped them tightly as her tongue roamed fiercely inside his mouth. Freddie wasn't entirely sure, but somewhere in-between their heads and lips crashing and separating, he could've sworn that he heard his name being muttered in a pained whisper by Sam's yielding voice, moaning and shuddering through his eardrums.
28 April, 2014
Carly reached the inside of Community Hall on Monday afternoon, her head in a daze. Just as she was about to unlock her dorm room, Kelly came up the fire escape towards her.
"Hey, how did your interview go?" Kelly inquired curiously.
"Uh, it was okay. I'm really not sure if I did much to convince them that I deserve the last spot for the internship," Carly replied in a non-committal tone.
"Oh, don't worry about it. I'm sure you were great. By the way, Freddie was looking for you," Kelly began quickly.
"Really? Is everything okay?" Carly asked concernedly.
"He looked okay to me, just really excited. He dropped by earlier and I told him you were out. He said he wanted to talk to you about something." Kelly continued casually.
Carly's heart skipped a beat while she processed what Kelly was telling her.
"Do you know what he wanted to talk to me about?" Carly asked in a would-be casual tone while she ignored the persistent thumping of her heart.
"He didn't say, but judging by the tone of his voice, it sounded important. He asked if you could meet him by the usual spot at 5pm after classes are done." Kelly responded rapidly.
"Okay, cool. Thanks for letting me know." Carly answered graciously, flashing a dazzling smile at Kelly.
"No problem. Good luck."
With that, Kelly took off down the fire escape. Carly stood in the same spot, wandering idly for a moment what Kelly had meant by wishing her luck. Did she know more than what she was telling concerning Freddie's message? Ever since their conversation about Freddie five days ago, neither had of them had mentioned it again once the matter was closed. Carly shrugged it off, thinking to herself that Kelly was probably just wishing her luck for her interview.
Carly unlocked the door to her dorm and threw her purse down onto her bed. She sat down on the bed herself, her head a mess of thoughts. She had been thinking about Freddie a lot lately and now he wanted to talk to her all of a sudden. What could it mean? Carly tried to ignore that voice that said that maybe Freddie was about to tell her that he hadn't given up on her after all this time, that he still loved her. But she finally succumbed to the foolish notion, letting it fill her up and overwhelm her senses in the best possible way. She had to go meet him. It was finally time to admit to what she'd swore she'd never do: fall in love with Freddie Benson.
On the way to hers and Freddie's favourite spot, she stopped at Shopko's and purchased a tiny bouquet of flowers. She knew it seemed silly, but she wanted to find some small way to let Freddie know just how important he was to her, how special he was. She made it to Sunnyside Parks around 16:45, thinking it would be prudent to give herself time to prepare for Freddie's arrival. Her life was about to change irreversibly; she could feel it in her bones. Grey clouds had formed during the day and it had begun drizzling slightly. Carly didn't mind a few rain drops; it was worth it when she was waiting for Freddie. Freddie didn't disappoint her when he arrived a minute or two after 5pm, slightly damp from the drizzle and sporting a wide smile.
"Hey, sorry I'm late." He greeted apologetically, enveloping her in a warm embrace.
"It's okay, I haven't been waiting long," Carly responded graciously, savouring the warmth of his arms wrapped around her body, if only for a few seconds.
When Freddie finally disentangled himself from Carly, he chuckled nervously. Carly in turn tucked a stray hair behind her ear to disguise her sudden awkwardness. He finally found his voice after he and Carly glanced at one another and chuckled again.
"So you got my message?" Freddie asked quickly.
"Uh-huh, Kelly told me. Sorry I wasn't around earlier. I uh… had some stuff to take care of." Carly responded swiftly.
"Oh, that's okay. Don't worry about it."
"So…what did you want to talk to me about?" Carly pressed after a few more seconds of awkward silence.
She chuckled again when Freddie gestured with his hands towards the swings. They sat down and began swaying to and fro as the real conversation began.
"Say something," Carly urged laughingly when Freddie continued looking at her with a silly grin on his face.
"I'm sorry, this is just hard to get out." Freddie admitted meekly.
"Freddie, what is it?" Carly asked concernedly, her eyes boring into his.
"Okay, here goes: lately, I've been feeling…I've been having these feelings lately and it's just…" Freddie began haphazardly, trying to phrase his sentence appropriately.
"Freddie, hey, come on. It's me, you can tell me anything. Whatever it is, you know that right?" Carly pressed urgently, laying her hand over his while they sat on the swings together.
Something seemed to register in Freddie's eyes when he glanced back at Carly and looked at her steadily.
"We've been friends a long time, right?" Freddie asked slowly.
"Right," Carly agreed readily.
"We've been through so much together. You've always been there for me, always had my back through everything. You're my 'go-to' person." Freddie continued sincerely.
"You know you're my go-to, right?" Carly asked slowly.
Freddie nodded and continued speaking.
"Okay, so you'll know that what I'm about to say isn't just on some crazy whim. I've had a lot of time to think about this. There's someone in my life that I really care about, as more than a friend. I think I'm starting to fall for her in a big way. I know I've felt like this before, but it's different this time, Carly. I think this could be the real deal." Freddie stated slowly and more assuredly.
"Freddie, are you saying that you're in love with this girl?" Carly asked in astonishment.
Carly knew that Freddie had always had a crush on her. But to hear him admit to feelings bordering on love made her heart swell even more. This was more than she could've expected and hoped for.
"I think I am, Carly." Freddie confessed after a few seconds of deliberation.
"Do you think I should tell her?" he asked slowly as he looked Carly directly in the eyes.
Her heart hammered in her chest while she tried to avoid his alluring hazel eyes. But it was too late; she was already drowning with no chance of coming up for air. It was now or never.
"Of course you should tell her, Freddie. Especially if there's a chance that she feels the same way about you." Carly replied seriously.
Freddie placed his head in his hands and clutched at his hair.
"You're right, Carly. I have to tell her how I feel. But how do I do that? She doesn't exactly respond to normal situations in a predictable way. I mean, it's Sam for God's sake." Freddie murmured emphatically.
Carly, who had been poised for a very different answer, felt as if her heart had stopped in that moment. One minute, it had been hammering and thudding like a freight train; the next, it was as quiet and dull, as if it had been hooked up to a life support system and someone had switched it off. All the breath had been knocked out of her figuratively and literally.
I was caught in a place
Far away from the light
"…I never thought I'd ever feel this way about Sam, someone who just presses my buttons at every opportunity and makes my blood boil. But lately, these feelings have been slowly creeping up on me ever since she came back. She dragged me off to Moscow a couple of days ago and I ended up kissing her in the pouring rain, just like that…"
A stabbing sensation rippled through Carly's chest as if someone had punched her straight to the gut. Freddie had kissed Sam. Sam had kissed him back. It felt as though she had been gone on a long vacation and returned to find that the world was completely submerged underwater. Carly had expected things to change, but nowhere near as drastic as this. Freddie had been in love with her for years, but he had kissed Sam first. Sam had his heart. Every fibre of her body was screaming in protest to revert back to some semblance of a time and emotion that she recognised, not this sinking despair that was threatening to paralyse her into submission with its towering weight.
What I saw, I couldn't face
So I closed my eyes
"Carly, oh my God."
Carly finally met Freddie's gaze after zoning out on his monologue. She glanced up at him as if she were meeting him for the first time.
"You're crying." Freddie declared in awe as he bent over her.
Carly's eyes widened and her hand immediately went up to her cheek to feel the proof of his words. She withdrew her wet hand as more tears continued streaming down her face. Carly hastily got up from the swing and stood a few paces away, her arms wound tightly around her body to stop the dull ache in her chest where her heart should've been.
Wish I could turn back the pain
Rewrite my point of view
Save all the time you waste
Got to get gone, gone
"Carly, say something." Freddie implored vehemently as he stepped into her personal space.
If it had been any other day or any other second in another life time, Carly would've done just that, and spoken honestly too. But she couldn't. Every bone in her body was telling her that her next words would change everything between her and Freddie, between her and Sam. And she needed to choose carefully.
"Carly," Freddie repeated slowly while placing his hands on her shoulder blades to shake her from her reverie.
His fingertips on her skin seemed to rouse Carly just enough for her to look him in the eye.
"Carly, what is it?" Freddie asked anxiously, his grip on her shoulders tightening even more.
The electricity coursing through Freddie's hands as they stayed on her body had given Carly just enough courage to speak. Enough courage to lie.
Don't let it escalate
Don't fight
It's just no use
There's nothing left to say
Got to get gone gone gone
"I'm…just so happy…for you and Sam." Carly murmured hoarsely.
Before she could stop him, Freddie had engulfed her in a bear hug, one of his hands going around her back and the other going into her hair. The action alone made Carly sob even harder against Freddie's chest as she felt herself splitting into million shards of insurmountable anguish.
"Oh God, Carly. Do you mean that?" Freddie asked softly as he caressed her gently.
Carly didn't say anything, but nodded quickly as she held him tighter. When Freddie finally disentangled himself from her, she had arranged her face into a plausible smile through her tears.
"I love you so much, Carly Shay." Freddie declared appreciatively as he cupped her cheeks tentatively.
"I…love you too, Freddie Benson." Carly answered with a weak smile as she swallowed down bile in her throat.
"You have to go," she announced abruptly after a few seconds.
"What? Why?" Freddie asked quizzically.
"You…you have to find Sam…you have to go and tell her." Carly declared firmly.
"Right now?" Freddie asked in alarm as he ran a nervous hand through his hair.
"This is way too important to blow off, Freddie. If it were me, I'd want to know that you loved me." Carly replied definitively, quoting Kelly's words with painstaking effort.
"You're right, I have to tell her. Oh God, what am I going to tell her, Carly?" Freddie demanded anxiously.
"Just…tell her…everything that you just told me." Carly concluded resolutely.
"Okay…I'm gonna tell her. I'm gonna tell her, Carly!" Freddie exclaimed jubilantly.
He began doing a victory dance while pumping his fist in the air. With her smile plastered in place, Carly pumped her first lamely in the air in response to Freddie's antics, her arm feeling like it weighed a tonne.
"I'm gonna go find her. Thanks, Carly. You're the best." Freddie gushed, grinning one last time at her before sprinting out of the park.
Forever is over
And my heart's not gonna break
Forever is over
And I'm no longer afraid
Carly's hand, which had been clutched into a tight fist, deflated and hung limply at her side as the rain began falling steadily all around her. She glanced up sharply at the sky as black thunder clouds rolled and swirled around in their wake. To think she had been staring up at a starry night sky nearly a month ago, wishing on something that had seemed impossible. Not only was it impossible, it was destined to never come true. With that thought in mind, Carly's feet nearly buckled from the effort as she began sprinting far away from the place which had only brought about her demise and the loss of her innocence, the bouquet of flowers abandoned in a puddle of mud beneath the swings.
'Cause if I don't get out now
I may never escape
Your power is fading away
And I'm getting closer
To the place I belong
Forever is over
Freddie sprinted all the way back to campus and hopped onto a Campus Link bus that would take him straight to the neighbourhood where Turnberry Apartments was situated. He got to Sam's place 20 minutes and was told by her roommate that Sam was currently hanging out at Pete's, a bar near campus usually frequented by the WSU faculty for its cheap beer. After thanking Sam's roommate, Freddie sprinted back to the bus stop with every intention of finding Sam no matter what it took.
The downpour was so heavy now, making it almost impossible to see where you were going. But Carly didn't care in the least as her numb legs sprinted on through the pouring rain, her body completely soaked to the bone.
Ooh
I can't go any further than this
Ooh
I want you so bad
It's my biggest wish
The Campus Link shuttle dropped Freddie off at the alternate exit of Pullman campus. All that was left to do was exit the dry shelter of the vehicle and sprint clear across campus in the pouring rain to Pete's and find Sam. He began sprinting like crazy across the cobbled roads of Pullman campus, his lungs feeling like they were on fire.
Can you meet me halfway?
Right on the borderline?
That's where I'm gonna wait for you
Somehow, Carly made it back to Pullman campus. She found the nearest bench and collapsed onto it, her lungs feeling like they were on fire, her legs completely spent. By the looks of it, everyone else was indoors, trying to stay warm and dry. Carly could care less about doing either one at this point. All of her senses were beginning to shut down, leaving her brain to idly remind her that the rain was making her entire body shiver. It needn't have bothered because her tears had started up once more, her entire body convulsing with pent-up anger, frustration and intense sadness. She sat with her head bowed, her hair being the only thing that offered her both protection and a disguise.
I can't go any further than this
Freddie could finally see the bar looming ahead in the distance as he approached the busy intersection directly across from it. As he squinted his eyes ahead of him, he caught sight of a blurry figure with blonde hair sitting in a booth just inside the bar. Without thinking about it, Freddie began calling to the figure and waving his hands wildly about him.
"Sam!"
"Sam!"
"SAM!!!"
I want you so bad
It's my only wish
At that moment, a large bus drove alongside Freddie standing on the corner and sprayed him with muddy rain water that had been collecting in a puddle at his feet. Freddie spat out a mouthful of dirty water and coughed as the sound of the bus wheels whizzed past him. When the path that the bus had made cleared, Sam could be seen standing on the other side of the intersection outside the bar.
"Sam!" Freddie called out, congratulating himself for tracking her down.
"Freddie?! What are you doing?!" Sam shrieked quizzically, keeping a hand on her forehead to shield her eyes from the downpour as it soaked her clothes.
"I love you!" Freddie called out haphazardly, cursing himself inwardly for his stupidly.
"What?!" Sam screeched in bewilderment.
When Freddie saw that there were no cars coming his way, he jogged across the intersection until he came to stand in front of Sam. She hadn't moved a muscle since she exited the bar.
"I think I love you," Freddie murmured as the rain ran steadily down his cheeks.
The two of them stood like that for a while; Freddie with his hands in his jeans pockets; Sam's hands at her sides as she stared back at him. Finally, her face broke out into a small smile and she began chuckling softly.
"I know." Sam answered calmly.
They stood like that for a while amidst the heavy downpour, just staring at one another like they had all the time in the world.
Kelly returned to hers and Carly's dorm around 4pm after a study group meeting in the library. As she entered the door, she squealed when she stepped into a wet splotch on the carpet.
"Ew, what the-" she murmured wonderingly, then stopped short.
Carly was sitting ahead of her at the foot of the bed, hugging her legs closely to her chest. Her hair was wet from the roots to the strands and her clothes were soaked through to the skin. She was rocking herself back and forth on the balls on her feet and she was shivering violently from head to toe.
I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you, my mind goes on a trip
And you came in and knocked me on my face
"Oh my God, Carly!" Kelly exclaimed as she ran towards her friend.
"What happened to you?" she demanded anxiously as she knelt over Carly.
"I got caught in the rain," Carly responded simply as she continued shivering.
Kelly ran to her closet and grabbed a dry towel which she draped across Carly's shoulders.
"Shit, you're completely soaked. You need to take get out of these clothes before you catch pneumonia." Kelly implored vehemently.
Carly shook her head vigorously and continued staring ahead of her.
"Carly, what's going on? What's wrong?" Kelly demanded worriedly, shaking Carly by the shoulders.
"I talked to Freddie. He's definitely not in love with me." Carly offered morosely.
I never thought I'd fall for you as hard as I did
You got me thinkin' about our life, our house and kids
"You told him?" Kelly asked curiously as she sat down next to Carly on a part of the carpet that wasn't damp.
"I couldn't tell him, Kelly. He was so happy…" Carly trailed off amidst a new batch of tears which fell from her face.
"Then I don't understand. If you didn't say anything, then how do you know that he doesn't feel the same way about you?" Kelly pressed quickly.
"Because he told me that he was in love with Sam." Carly answered sadly.
Every moment, I look at you and smile
'Cause boy, you came around
And you knocked me down
"What?" Kelly asked blankly as she turned to face Carly.
"They kissed a few days ago, Kelly. I had no idea that it was happening right in front of me. How could I have been so blind? I missed my chance with Freddie." Carly lamented.
Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
"Don't say that, Carly. I still think you should tell him the truth." Kelly beseeched.
"No, Kelly, I can't. He's in love with her, and I think she's in love with him too. It's too late now." Carly declared resolutely.
Sometimes love comes around
And it knocks you down
Just get back up
When it knocks you down
Knocks you down
Kelly couldn't think of anything to say to this. So she did the only thing that she thought would help. She put her arms around Carly and hugged her tightly, letting Carly cry into her chest as they sat in the forlorn room together.
12 May, 2014
Carly entered hers and Kelly's dorm room and closed the door behind her with a soft click. Kelly (who had finished class 10 minutes early) was already in the room, sitting atop her bed surfing the web on her laptop. She closed the flap when she saw that Carly was back.
"Hey, what are you doing here already? Don't you have class clear across campus at 2pm?" Carly inquired curiously as she dropped her file onto her bed.
"I do. But we finished early with Film & Media today, so here I am." Kelly answered lightly with a small smile on her face.
"What about you? Did you just come from Creative Writing?" Kelly asked casually.
"It got cancelled for the afternoon. So I went to the library and printed out some more copies of my résumé." Carly explained as she spread some sheaves of paper out on her bed.
"Carly, you've already sent out hundreds of résumés to companies all over the country. I think you're covered." Kelly responded knowingly.
"I know. But every bit helps." Carly reasoned assuredly as she glanced through a few of the papers and double-checked references.
"Carly, I know you're trying to get your internships locked down. But don't you think that all of this just a distraction from the real issue at hand? Have you talked to Freddie and Sam at all since…you know?" Kelly asked awkwardly.
"No I haven't. And it's not like I haven't seen them. We have class together and we hang with out with the same people." Carly replied defensively.
"Having class together and having an actual conversation are two very different things, Carly. You can't avoid this forever." Kelly pressed gently.
"I know, but I just can't deal with it right now. Right now, preparing for finals and applying for internships are the two things keeping me sane." Carly responded seriously as she tucked a stray strand of her black hair behind her ear, which she did when she was agitated.
Kelly nodded in understanding and Carly went back to skimming through her collection of résumés on her bed. Ten minutes later, their room phone began ringing shrilly. Kelly leant over and retrieved the cordless phone from the pedestal and answered it.
"Hello?" she answered swiftly.
"Yes she's here. One second."
Kelly put her hand over the receiver and addressed Carly.
"It's for you. Someone named David Handler from Brandon Communications." Kelly informed her quickly.
"He's the guy who interviewed me two weeks ago at their office in Spokane." Carly explained after the name registered in her head.
"He's probably calling to tell you about the internship." Kelly responded excitedly while Carly's insides were doing nervous somersaults.
Kelly shoved the phone into Carly's hands. Carly silently gulped and picked up the receiver to speak to David Handler. The phone conversation was relatively short and Carly hung up the phone about three minutes later. Carly's expression or body language hadn't given anything away and Kelly was nearly imploding from curiosity at what David Handler had said to her.
"Come on, the suspense is killing me. What did he say? Did you get the internship or not?!" Kelly demanded eagerly.
Carly paused momentarily before answering.
"I got the internship." She answered with a small smile on her face.
"Oh my God! That's so awesome! Aw, I knew you'd get it!" Kelly congratulated as she leapt off her bed and engulfed Carly in a celebratory hug.
"Okay, your news is a 10 and your current level of enthusiasm is at a 2. What gives?" Kelly demanded impatiently when Carly hadn't joined her happy dance.
"The internship's in London with Brandon Communication's sister network." Carly explained soberly.
Kelly shrieked loudly and began clapping her hands enthusiastically.
"Carly, that's amazing! You're going to London! Now we really have to celebrate. I'll round up the girls and we'll go on a shopping spree to Spokane and get your 'London attire' together." Kelly announced exuberantly.
"The internship starts in 3 weeks time." Carly announced quietly, which stopped Kelly in the midst of her plans.
"But we only graduate at the end of June. Finals start in the first week of June." Kelly pointed out despairingly.
"I know." Carly replied grimly.
"What are you going to do?" Kelly asked worriedly as she came to sit down next to Carly.
"I don't know." Carly answered truthfully.
They didn't say anything to each other for a long while after that, each of them content to stare off into space for the meantime.
25 May, 2014
Sam walked up to Freddie and Gibby's dorm room with a heavy heart, trying her hardest not to break down as she knocked on their door. Freddie opened the door two seconds later, his face breaking into a wide small at the sight of his girlfriend.
"Hey," he greeted simply and leant in to kiss her softly on the lips.
"Come on in." he offered, stepping aside to let her in.
"I was just about to call you and ask if you wanted to grab a bite to eat off campus." Freddie stated quickly as he rummaged around his room for his white and green rugby shirt.
"I don't think we have time. We've gotta head to the airport or we'll miss the flight." Sam replied hurriedly.
"The airport? Did we arrange a spontaneous trip that I forgot about?" Freddie teased as he searched for his cellphone.
"Seriously, Freddie. Could you quit goofing around at a time like this? We have to go now or we're gonna be late." Sam implored impatiently.
"Late for what?" Freddie asked quizzically.
"Are you kidding me? Please tell you didn't forget about something as important as this?" Sam beseeched indignantly.
"Forget what? What are you talking about, Sam?" Freddie demanded anxiously, coming to stand in front of her.
"You mean…you really don't know? I can't believe this! But she must've told you…how could she not tell you that she was leaving today?!" Sam exclaimed frantically.
"Whoa, Sam, time-out. Tell me what? Who's leaving?" Freddie asked gently while taking Sam's hands in his.
"Carly." Sam explained slowly.
"Leaving? What are you talking about, Sam? Where's she going?" Freddie demanded in bewilderment.
"To London. She got an internship with Brandon Communications; they're a broadcasting company. She starts work next week." Sam responded quickly.
"W-wait a second. Next week? But graduation isn't for another month! What about her finals! She can't leave before the end of the school year!" Freddie exclaimed vehemently.
"Freddie, we can't talk about this here. We have to go and see Carly off at the airport before she leaves." Sam implored impatiently as she took Freddie's hand and led him out of the door.
They took the Campus Link shuttle from Pullman Campus to Spokane Airport and got there in 40 minutes. Freddie leapt out of the bus first and began sprinting wildly towards the massive sliding glass doors of the 'Departures' building. Freddie apologised as he knocked into several people with hefty-looking suitcases as he raced in-between them towards the gate through which Carly was supposed to board for her connecting flight to JFK before heading to London.
The emotion, it was electric
And the stars, they all aligned
I knew I had to make my decision
But I never made the time
No I never made the time
He caught of a sight of a young dark-haired woman with her back to him, carrying what looked like Carly's favourite Girly-Cow special edition suitcase and began running towards her.
"Carly!"
"Carly!"
"CARLY!!!"
Carly whipped around at the sound of her name. Her mouth stood agape as Freddie raced towards her.
"Freddie! What are you doing here?!" Carly asked in alarm as he finally caught up to her.
"What am I doing here? I could ask you the same thing. You're leaving?!" Freddie exclaimed incredulously while nursing a stitch in his side.
"My internship came through at the last minute." Carly offered lamely, knowing how ridiculous her explanation sounded.
"Yeah, and I was the last one to find out about it." Freddie stated accusingly.
"That's not true, Freddie. It all happened so fast that I didn't have time to come see you to tell you in person." Carly explained feebly.
"You could've called me." Freddie pointed out reasonably.
"I know, and I'm really sorry that you didn't find out till today that I was leaving. But there was so much to do beforehand like my VISA, my work permit and accommodation. It genuinely slipped my mind." Carly lied convincingly, which mollified Freddie for the moment.
"You still can't leave Pullman yet. You can't leave me, Carly." Freddie protested vehemently.
In the dark, for a while now
I can't stay, so far now
I can't stay, much longer
Riding my decision home
In the dark
"What?" Carly asked in alarm.
"There's still a month left till graduation. You can't leave until you've completed Finals." Freddie reasoned vehemently.
"Freddie, it's okay. I've already cleared it with the Dean. He said that I have enough credits to graduate early. It's all been taken care of." Carly explained rationally while keeping a firm grip on the suitcase that Freddie was trying to yank out of her hand.
"But we're a team: you me, and Sam. The Three Musketeers, we're a package deal. And now you're breaking up with me and Sam." Freddie teased lightly with a small smile on his face.
"I'm not breaking up with you guys. But it is time for me to move onto greener pastures." Carly responded with a small smile.
"But you can't go, Carly. I need you here." Freddie persisted sadly as a tear escaped his eye, which he wiped away with the back of his hand.
At this point, Sam had finally caught up to them in the bustling airport. But she chose to stand a few feet away to give Freddie a moment alone with Carly before she had to leave. Carly momentarily caught Sam's eye before answering Freddie.
"You have Sam now, Freddie. Be good to her and make sure that she stays out of trouble. Take care of each other," Carly responded sincerely as she beckoned Sam forward.
Carly reached into her suitcase and retrieved an item wrapped in plastic, which she handed to Sam.
"This is my favourite black waist coat, take good care of it. This way, you won't forget about me." Carly remarked with a laugh while she began crying steadily.
"I could never forget about you, Carly Shay. You're my best friend." Sam declared seriously, a lone tear staining her cheek.
Then Carly and Sam fell into one another's arms, their bodies convulsing while the tears ran from their eyes as they hugged one another tightly. Freddie stood apart from them, feeling completely lost and alone. When they had disentangled themselves, Carly took Freddie's hand in hers as the announcer began beckoning passengers forward to check in at their various terminals.
"What am I gonna do without you here, Carly Shay?" Freddie asked sorrowfully, his tears mingling with his skin.
"You'll carry on, just like always." Carly replied seriously while looking him dead in the eye, her breath coming out in unsteady gasps from her sobs.
I'll never talk again
Oh boy, you've left me speechless
You've left me speechless
So speechless
"I need you to know something. You're the best guy that I've ever known and will ever know, Freddie Benson. Don't ever change, promise me that." Carly pleaded fiercely.
"I promise," Freddie choked out seriously.
Before Carly could stop him, Freddie had engulfed her in one final embrace, his hand cradling her head as the other hand closed around her back. For a few seconds, Carly savoured Freddie's every scent and touch, knowing that it would be the last time as her tears spilled onto his sweater. When she finally pulled away, Freddie was still grasping her hand tightly.
And I know that it's complicated
But I'm a loser in love
So baby, raise a glass to mend
All the broken hearts of all my wrecked up friends
"Freddie, it's time. You have to let me go." Carly pleaded firmly.
Freddie acquiesced and let go of her hand, feeling the sudden emptiness hit him like a ton of bricks as Carly began moving away from both him and Sam.
I'll never talk again
And I'll never love again
I'll never write a song
Won't even sing along
"I love you, guys. Bye." Carly choked out before turning abruptly on her heels and moving towards the escalator.
Sam stood a few paces behind Freddie as they both watched the one person they had ever simultaneously loved in one life time leave them behind. Sam clutched the black waistcoat tightly in her hand, which smelt of Carly's favourite perfume, feeling strangely forlorn and friendless.
Carly got onto the escalator and turned her body so that she was still facing the two people she loved most in the world outside of her family as she rose higher and higher above the ground. They in turn kept their eyes on her until she was almost of sight. For a split second, Freddie and Carly's eyes locked on one another before her face disappeared completely from view, leaving the black mobile stairway to continue its progress.
Will you ever talk again?
Oh boy, why you so speechless?
You've left me speechless
So speechless
And that was the last that anyone saw of Carly Shay for a long time to come.
Musical References (in order of appearance):
1) 'Forever Is Over' by The Saturdays
2) 'Meet Me Halfway' by The Black Eyed Peas
3) 'Knock You Down' by Kerri Hilson ft. Kanye West and Neo
4) 'I Can't Stay' by The Killers
5) 'Speechless' by Lady Gaga
Author's Note: Shoo, this was information overload : ) Like I said, I'm on a strict schedule, so it's time to get back to the present tense in the story. Truthfully, this chapter was the most sad for me because it was the beginning and the end of something. I hear rumours about there being a possible Creddie kiss in 'iBeat The Heat', I hope they're true and plural ; ) Thank you to everyone who's shown an interest in this story and stuck with it, I really appreciate your support. I'm off to go watch a DVD now. I hope you all have a great weekend. Cheerio, pip pip!