Author Notes

Surprise…Happy Monday…No this isn't an early update…it's your first update of the week, thats right double posting!

You see a certain Cullen family member has had a lot on her mind these past few days… she just needed to fill you in on what's been going on….

Here comes the boring…. I don't own twilight or the characters, but I do own the plot and all Lovestrong related ramblings! This Fic is rate M for a reason: for the Motherf#*king bad language, the Mind blowing future lemons and the Mangled lives of our Bella, Edward and Mallow!

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That's all from me... Enjoy!

Lovestrong

Chapter 10 – Falling to Pieces

APOV

What had I done?

I thought it would help, but making them face each other turned out to be such an awful mistake. Not just for Edward and Bella, but for me, for Charlie and…God, my poor Mother was a mess. For the second time in five years she has lost her son, but this time it seemed worse-she didn't know where he was… none of us did.

"Shit…I miss him…" thinking aloud, no one is around to hear me; except Mallow, who I think is pissed with me, too… Alice Cullen…Pity party for one!

My stupidity has hurt so many people. Even Jasper thinks I have over-stepped the mark this time, and he isn't happy. I have moved into Edward's apartment part-time; I have to be here, be close if he comes home. It's been three weeks and nobody has heard from him; it's like he has disappeared off the face of the Earth-but he has to be safe; he left with Garrett… right?

"He will be okay," I whisper, not sure whether I am reassuring, or looking for the answer to that question, myself. The piteous yowling from the front door starts again; with a sigh, I go over and pick up my brother's heartbroken kitty. I rub Mal's chin, trying to comfort him, but he just looks up at me, with big blue eyes; damn, even the kitty misses Edward. He is the other reason that I am here. Edward would kill me if anything happened to his best friend.

Receiving Edward's phone call was the crisis point-he was an absolute fucking mess, so incoherent that I could hardly make out what he was trying to tell me; but when he asked for Garrett I knew it was bad. I even did a mental count of the drugs and medications that were in his apartment-he's done it before. But this time it would be all my fault-if only I'd have told him what I was doing… he would have had time to prepare, to get his head around the fact that Bella was coming back.

… and there lays the first of the catastrophic errors that I have made over the last few weeks.

It's all set on repeat, circling my brain on a constant loop, the feelings of hopelessness, helplessness…What have I done? I can't help it; my thoughts get darker with every passing minute: what if Edwards tries to find peace….his release from the pain I caused? Just one last hit? Ninety percent of addicts relapse; many times, that relapse proves fatal. I know the statistics better than anyone…trust me I have checked and now they haunt me day and night.

Then there's Bella; what had I done to her? She hadn't returned any of my texts or voice mails…not that I can blame her. She must be so pissed off, angry…confused. I have dreamt about them both, but Bella always appears more vividly. It would only take one more slip of a razor-her escape from emotional pain-to take away this new wave of hurt…forever.

"God…It's too much to think about"

When Bella left the diner, I guessed where she was going-there was only one place she could go. Her friends had told me her desire to go home, and in my eyes, that's actually where she was going; back to the one person who could complete the missing half of her heart. Rose knew it, too, but either of us thought it would end the way it did.

I had met Garrett at the apartment, both of us arriving at the same time-he was clueless about what had happened so I filled him in quickly: yes, he knew Bella was in Forks, but he didn't know it was my doing; Edward hadn't told him the details. Garrett as always kept his feelings to himself; I could tell he was pissed off, but he was staying calm…composed-we entered Edwards apartment nervously, outwardly worried about what we would find.

When I couldn't find him in the living room I started to panic-Garrett checked his medication, which was still where it should be; I was still genuinely worried that he might have hurt himself… that we were too late. But Garrett found him: curled up on his bed, Mallow held to his chest… he had been crying, that was easy to see, but the scariest sight was Edwards's eyes; he was staring into space… lost, shattered… I had broken him all over again

Garrett was trying his best to stay professional, but these two had developed a friendship that had far outweighed any patient-therapist relationship, and it was blatantly obvious Garrett was desperately concerned for his friend. He was crouched down next to Edward, whispering to him; I couldn't make out what it was, but that didn't matter…whatever it was, it was helping, Edward was responding with just nods and shakes of his head. I felt misplaced; I couldn't fix my mess.

Garrett asked me to get a bottle of water-I could tell he wanted some time with Edward, so I gave him some space. I couldn't do this on my own; I needed help… so I gave Mom a call, filling her in on what had happened. She wanted to be here, to comfort her baby, but needed me to come get her as her car was at the garage and Dad was at work. I made my way back towards Edward's room, lingering at the door, I could hear the hushed whispers of both Garrett and Edward…at least he was talking now.

Edward was now sitting on the edge of his bed, still holding Mallow-like a little boy would hold his safety blanket or a beloved teddy bear, with Garrett in front of him on the floor…both were deep in conversation, and neither heard me enter; walking around the end of the bed I went to hand Edward the bottle of water, but Garrett beat me to it-Edward wouldn't even make eye contact with me. He just sat on his bed staring at the floor. Taking the water with a small smile, the look Garrett was giving me made it so clear he needed some time alone with Edward…

"I'll be right back…" I said to the empty feeling room-my brother was vacant: he was here in body, but his mind and heart seem to be miles away, and if my hunch was correct he was lost somewhere between Forks and Bellevue, right along with Bella as she travels back to her home.

~~*LS*~~

Esme went all Mama Bear on me, ripping me a new one for not calling her the minute I received Edward's pleading call. Our car journey back to the apartment was strained… full of grief; we were losing Edward all over again, and I had a feeling Mom blamed me as much as I blamed myself. She didn't ever say it aloud but I just knew…Shit, it was my fault. Yes, the family had supported my decision to go to Charlie for help, and Esme was thrilled she got to see Bella again but she knew it could go either way, but this was her worst nightmare-Bella was gone, and Edward was crushed…again.

And look what happened last time!

As we pulled back up to the apartment, we both noticed Garrett's car was gone; looking at Mom, her fear was evident …if Garrett was gone, so was Edward. There is no way Garrett would have left Edward in the state he was. Rushing out of the car, Mom took the stairs two at time-she was flipping out. I slowly followed her up; I was already resigned to what is waiting behind his door… nothing, nobody… There's no point; it's not going to ease the feeling of guilt I have lodged in the pity of my stomach…oh Jesus…I am sorry.

Esme was sitting on Edward's sofa, holding a piece of paper…silently she wiped a single tear from her cheek…handing me the piece of paper as she got up and walked down the hall toward Edward's bedroom. I look down, and staring back at me, in Edwards's handwriting, is not what I wanted to see.

"I will be okay… See you soon. Please take care of Mal… x"

He was gone.

I sank down on to the sofa, and my Mom came racing down the hall; she is now crying uncontrollably… "He's gone…they're both gone!"

~~*LS*~~

That was three weeks ago. No one has heard from either him or Garrett. And as much as I want to fix things, I know that I can't. So I do what I can: I take care of Mallow, like he asked me to. And I pray for my brother, and for his lost love.

Hell, I pray for all of us… Because I don't think anyone can fix what I so stupidly broke…I pushed them even further apart.

Thank You.

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OH…and see you over the weekend!