A/N: I really enjoy reviews!
It was a very, very, long night. Charlie was asking every question I had never wanted him to ask. We sat at our tiny kitchen table, across from each other, and every question he asked, I answered even though I didn't want to. The first question was standard.
"Did you do this to yourself Bella?" Charlie asked me as I responded with a quick nod.
The next question was standard as well. Easy.
"When did you do this?"
I let out a sigh, biting my lip. "Um…which one?" I said, looking down at my scars.
Charlie kept his eyes on my face, I could tell that he didn't want to look at my scars. It hurt him too much. That was the worst part, knowing that I hurt Charlie.
"How long?" He said, sill staring at my face. I looked up at him and then shrugged.
"Awhile…since Edward left." I said, shrugging, like it was no big thing.
He was quiet for a long time, then he reached over to take my hand.
"Bells, I didn't know he messed you up this bad. You never said anything. Part of this is my fault…I should've seen it. I know that…but I thought you were alright…I thought after Jacob…"
I squeezed his hand tight, "Dad," I whispered, shaking my head. "This is not your fault. It never was. Please. Please don't think that. I WAS okay, after Jacob. You did everything you could have. I…I was okay. I AM okay. I'm not…" I let out a sigh. "I'm not doing this anymore." I said gesturing to the scars, "I'm not."
Charlie looked up at me, raising a brow. "You're not? Why not?"
I bit my lip, shrugging.
"Edward didn't want me to. That's…pretty much the reason."
Charlie shook his head at me, "That's another thing I don't understand. Edward. Are you two together or not? And what was he doing in your bedroom?" He leaned in closer to me, his face becoming serious.
"Bella…is he hurting you?"
My eye's widened and I shook my head over and over again,
"God…no! He'd never…Dad, no. He doesn't hurt me…hasn't hurt me." I stopped, frowning. "…Besides that whole…leaving me thing…Dad, I had some problems, but I'm getting over them. I'm okay. I'm just…really tired…Can I please go to bed now?" Charlie watched me for a long time and then shook his head.
"I want you to see someone Bella…"
I groaned loudly. "Aw, Dad, I'm fine! I promise-" But I was cut off.
"Bella, It's that...or you're going to have to talk to me."
I sighed and then nodded. "Fine."
"And you're going to have to talk to your mother."
"DAD!" I practically screamed. "You CAN'T be serious!"
"I'm completely serious" He responded, as I stood up, angry tears springing to my eyes. "I'm going to bed." I said before turning and storming up the stairs to my depressingly empty bedroom.
I collapsed onto my bed, trying to fight back the tears. I didn't want to cry anymore. I was so sick of it. I rolled onto my side and realized there was something in my pocket. A small black cell phone. I pulled it out, flipping it open. I dialed the numbers before I even realized what I was doing. Jacob picked up the phone in one ring.
"Jake…" I whispered into the phone. "I really need you." The tears were a waterfall now. I couldn't the last 24 hours. I just couldn't.
"Hey…hey…what's wrong?' He asked, his voice softer than it usually was.
"Charlie knows about me cutting…" I had more to say, but at this point I was bawling.
"Bella, come on, talk to me." Jacob sounded so desperate. I couldn't stop myself from wishing that he was there with me. I needed someone to hold me. I was that much a mess.
"E-edward…broke up with me…and…I have to tell R-renee. Jacob, I just can't….I feel like I'm falling apart…I…I want…my blades…and I don't have them anymore…"
"Bella, relax, I'm coming over. Just breathe. Bella, stay whole until I get there. Then you can fall apart all over me."
It took everything I had to not fall apart. I was crying so hard that I couldn't breathe. I wanted to die and where the hell was Jacob? This was the most excruciating pain I'd ever felt. It hurt to think and breathe and just be. When Jacob came through my window, I felt such a sense of relief, My medicine was here. My pain reliever, but that didn't stop me from making the window connection between Edward and Jacob. How was I going to live without him? I'd completely fallen apart last time when he'd left…how was I going to pull myself together? I practically flew into his arms, my own arms wrapping around his neck. I was still crying as I clung to him. He didn't say anything and neither did I, but It didn't even matter, all I needed was his embrace.
"Sh, Bella, it's okay…it's okay." Jacob whispered in my ear. As I continued to cling to him. He led me over to my bed and I knew he was going to want to talk. But I didn't want to talk. It wasn't what I needed. I sniffed, wiping furiously at my face to get rid of the obnoxious tears that were refusing to stop falling. I pressed my lips to his, hard, just wanting him to comfort me this way. I tried to force some explanation in the kiss. 'Please Jacob,' My lips begged, but he had suddenly become rigid. It was like kissing a very warm piece of metal. I pulled away to look at him.
"W-what?" I asked lightly, genuinely confused. It wasn't like we were crossing any boundaries.
"I thought you wanted to talk." He frowned at me. I bit down at my lip and then shrugged.
"I did. Do. I…I don't know…it comes in stages."
He watched me a long moment and then stood up, leaving me shell-shocked on my bed.
"Bella, you haven't even told me what's going on...You were crying so hard on the phone that I could barely understand you and now…you want to have sex?" He asked me, his face was sad though, not angry, and I couldn't figure out why.
"No…okay…well I wouldn't complain if we did but…if you don't want to…" I closed my eyes shaking my head.
"Jacob, I'm sorry. I just don't know what to do with myself." He slowly made his way back over to the bed, sitting down next to me. He placed an arm around me, kissing the side of my head and rubbing my shoulder.
"Bells, it's okay. Just…talk to me okay?"
I looked up at him, let out a breath and spilled the entire story, starting with Billy calling and ending with Charlie's talk with me. Jacob listened his face changing from intense to more intense all the while.
"Bells, I'm glad that Charlie found out. I was…am really worried about you. You should go see someone. It'll give you a chance to talk, figure out what's going on with you and…I'll be here, holding your hand all the way. But…" He stopped for a moment looking away from me.
"Am I doing that as your best friend or you boyfriend?"
I looked up at him, shocked. That scenario had never even crossed my mind. Boyfriend? But Edward was my boyfriend. Then the realization of the fact that Edward WASN"T my boyfriend anymore hit me and the tears started up again.
"I…I don't…I can't…" I closed my eyes, trying hard to center my breathing. I felt like I was hyperventilating.
"Bella, come on." Jacob said, his voice sounding anxious and tired, and upset.
"You can't keep putting this off. You have to choose. I can't just be here whenever you need someone to…fool around with. Bella, that's not me."
He couldn't have made me feel worse if he tried.
"Jake, that's not what it is. You aren't…You're so much more than what you think you are Jacob, I swear. It has nothing to do with 'just feeling around'!"
He looked up at me for a long time, I could see tears forming in his eyes and it made me want to die.
"Then be with me, Bella. You said it yourself. You belong with me. Tell me you want to be with me. Say it."
I looked up at him, not knowing how this was going to end, the words were on the tip of my tongue but they weren't coming out.
"Jake…" I whispered.
He shook his head t me, sighing. "Bella, there shouldn't have to be a pause. I can say it. I can say it just fine. Bella, I want to be with you. Bella, I love you. Bella, please be with me. I LOVE you, Bella." He finished, standing up as I shook my head standing up as well.
"Jake…" I said shaking my head, standing up as well, but instead of answering him, I just wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed a light kiss to his lips.
"I want to be with you."
He looked at me, unable to move it seemed. "You do?" He raised a brow. "Honestly?"
I nodded. "Honestly. But not now."
He frowned, and raised a brow again. "I don't understand."
"I need time Jake..I need…I just need time okay?"
Jacob nodded. "Yeah…okay." He made to leave my room and my whole body froze.
"Wait…Jacob…please…stay the night?"
He looked at me but didn't say a word, just gestured for me to get into bed, I followed his lead, not wanting him to leave.
"Thank you." I whispered before falling asleep.