Story Notes: I am trying to write this as realistically to the old M*A*S*H format as possible, what that means is there will be pain mixed in with the humor, pathos with the comedy. This chapter has some of the most enjoyable fun moments and one of it's most heart wrenching.
Oh and we finally find out what's going on with nurse Polly.
thanks for reading...reviews are appreciated.
Characters are not mine.
Bart
This Place Called Home…
I don't know quite what to think at this moment, Beej.
I just got you undressed and tucked in, hung up your civvies in favor of the institution garb you'll be back wearing tomorrow.
It's almost as if I am pulling you back out of your life and back to the front-lines like the army did not too long ago.
Now I'm sitting here listening to you fitfully sleep trying to decide what tonight was all about.
I know that Peggy needed tonight, if only just to hold you in her arms and pretend that you were holding her back.
I think your parents were heartened by having you there at least in body.
But I keep asking myself, how much pain did we put you through tonight just to have you where you need to be, if only for a moment.
I thought we were doing a good thing, Beej, honest.
I had no idea what it cost you until I saw that tear on your cheek. Now I find myself hoping it was from being overwhelmed. Because if it was not…
We just tortured you again for no reason.
---
Pierce had fun calling out orders to Charles as he and BJ rode to the Hunnicutts in the back seat.
"Take the turnpike, Chahrles, it's quicker," he called in his best lazy sophisticate voice.
"I will set you off at the curb if you do not desist with this inane commentary!" Winchester shot back over his shoulder.
Pierce leaned in and confided in his stoic friend in his best stage whisper. "I think we might have offended the help, old boy."
No answer from Beej, but then again, he was learning not to expect one.
-
All the effort that Charles and Pierce went through to get BJ looking his best was worth it when Peg opened the door.
"Hi Peg, guess who's coming to dinner," Pierce said from over BJ's shoulder.
She had her face buried in BJ's chest the very next moment. It was so fast Pierce did not even see her move.
BJ looked dazed but his arms came up and tentatively rested on her shoulders, it was not the motions of a man understanding affection, but Peg did not mind.
Jayson and Bea came to the door to see what the commotion was. Bea teared up immediately when she saw how good BJ looked, Jay placed an arm around her shoulders, face stoic but eyes glistening.
Peg backed away and gently took BJ's arm to lead him inside. Charles and Pierce exchanged a glance, seeing the worry in each other's eyes as they followed them on in.
The evening went a lot smoother after that initial awkwardness.
It was obvious that the Hunnicutts had decided to interact with BJ as if he were normal, but making concessions for his inability.
They had Pierce telling all sorts of stories about the Swamp, laughing right along as Charles made his blustering rebuttals.
"…Neither we or Charles would give in, so the nurses went on a rampage, soaking me and Beej in soap and water, ordering us to scrub, and they ran over Charles's horn with the jeep!"
"No appreciation for the fine arts, can you see what I went through over there?"
"Fine arts? A Korean Yak came to our tent in love!"
"Uncouth primitive."
"Bostonian blow hole!"
"Boys, calm down or take it outside…" Peggy called from where she sat with her head on BJ's shoulder, a fact which Hawkeye was happy to see he appeared to be comfortable with.
"He started it!" Pierce called pointing an accusing finger at Charles.
They all began to laugh except for BJ, who glanced up a moment, took in the room then looked away, gone again.
Bea excused herself to go check on dinner; Pierce invited himself along to "go help."
-
"I can't thank you enough, Hawkeye," she said as she went to the stove to stir one of the pots.
"Thank me when he comes home for real," Pierce waved her off.
She stopped what she was doing and turned to him. "We thought he was gone, Hawkeye, completely gone, that man in there is not my son, that's true, but I can finally see a day when he will be."
Pierce smiled and nodded. "I did come in here to ask you some questions if you don't mind."
She smiled and gave him a saucy wink and posed. "With your reputation, I was expecting more."
He sputtered trying to find an answer, and then she laughed. "Oh the look on your face," she stated with a smile.
"So you're where he got that streak from," Pierce replied sitting at the kitchen table.
She nodded as she went back to stirring, humming to herself. "You wanted to ask me something?"
"Sure," he replied, "just not sure how to phrase it."
She placed the lid back on the pot and came to the table. She sat and placed a hand on one of Pierce's. "If this is to help BJ, don't you dare get squeamish on me."
Pierce thought of several quips he could say, but staring into those eyes such a familiar shade of blue, he went right to the heart of the matter.
"Why was BJ so perfect by the time he got to Korea, or at least why did he feel he needed to be?"
She leaned back, placing both hands in her lap. Her face took on wistful expression. "Most women would have killed for a son like BJ, always the best at anything…"
Pierce nodded. "But?"
She fiddled with her apron a moment then met Pierce's gaze, her eyes sad. "I think it has to do with his grandfather.
Albert and Velma Hunnicutt wanted Jayson to marry one of the cotillion girls, typical Jayson, he fell in love with the dust bowl daughter who was serving the punch, oh they were always polite but I never felt loved by them."
She pulled the salt and pepper shakers to her and began to switch them in her hands. "The Army drafted Jayson, and called him up just after the push in Calais. We couldn't keep the house going from a surgeon's salary to an Army one, so BJ and I went to stay with Jay's parents in Ashbury.
Albert took to BJ, but for the wrong reasons. He saw a chance to shape the next generation of Hunnicutts, and became like a father to him but he was always telling the boy, 'if you can't be the best then why bother?'
We stayed there nearly three years until Jayson got home, and for a while after, when Jay got back he was different. He wasn't the carefree smart aleck that I fell in love with, and he and Albert disagreed over BJ all the time. He thought that Albert pushed too hard, because he had pushed Jay too hard. 'Excellence does not come from idleness!' Albert would bellow. Jay would shout back, 'Damn it, he'll grow up soon enough, let him be a boy for as long as he can!'
BJ was so confused, in his mind, Albert was his father, not this stranger who was trying to bond with him, wanting him to enjoy life and not to worry so much.
Jay did not help matters by being emotionally distant and trying to force things with BJ to make up for lost time. He'll be the first to tell you that."
She straightened the napkins as she told the next part. "BJ had the best grades, was the best at every sport he tried, except basketball which he gave up when he wasn't the starter first thing, he was the president of all the clubs, and wound up married to the head cheerleader."
There was something so sad in her tone, Pierce hesitated to ask.
"That all sounds so great, why do I feel there is a 'but' coming along?"
She sighed. "Because there is, it's not as fairy-tale as it sounds. He accomplished so much but enjoyed so little of it.
BJ was told by his doctor when he had stomach pains in his senior year of high school that he was developing an ulcer, the doctor urged him to slow down, but BJ refused, he was due to pitch a game in the state play offs for his baseball team.
He had a near break down later that year; at least that's what I think it was, he put so much pressure on himself that he stayed curled up in his bedroom in the dark for two days before his final exams.
I asked him why he thought he had to pass with a perfect score, and he said, "If I can't then why bother taking them?"
Pierce thought that over a few minutes. "He seemed so laid back when I first met him."
She nodded. "He was…Peggy got him to relax a little, and he seemed to pick up some of her bubbly nature, so I thought he had finally learned to free himself from unrealistic expectations."
Pierce had one last question to ask, and he hated that he needed to. "Does BJ know that people will love him even if he's not perfect?"
She shook her head. "You don't know how many times I asked myself that. I honestly don't know, maybe we'll ask him someday.
Is that all you wanted to ask?"
He smiled. "Thank you very much, Bea."
She went back to the stove and began working on the meal. "Do me a favor and tell everyone to wash up, dinner will be ready in fifteen minutes."
-
Pierce wound up right beside BJ at the table, shoulder to shoulder once again like so many meals before, all they needed was a hairy Lebanese in a cotton print across or a near sighted psychic engrossed in a comic book reading it two inches from his nose and it could have been the old mess tent, all except the edible meal of course.
"Once again, Beatrice, you have exceeded in all quarters, shaming the pretension of Le Cordon Bleu," Charles complimented wiping his mouth.
"Nice try, Mister Bahston, but she's not for hire," Jayson shot back.
"Women have the right to answer for themselves, you Neanderthal. What say you, dear lady?" Charles said taking Bea's hand in his just to steam Jay.
"I can be bought," Bea confirmed with a sly smile.
"One game of chess, for the wench!" Jay challenged, and then he winced when Bea did something to him under the table.
"I'll be with you shortly, after I dispatch yon knave, and then we can discuss our plans," Charles confirmed kissing the back of Bea's hand
Jayson's eye's twinkled, and a grin touched his lips as he started and argument about defending his lady's honor and ribbed Charles about their last chess match.
Peggy was on the other side of BJ, giving him murmured encouragement to eat, her arm wrapped across the back of his chair as she leaned in.
In the middle of the squabbling men Bea and Pierce's eyes met over the table and she smiled.
It was such a perfectly domestic moment, that Pierce nearly missed that BJ's knuckles were turned white as his hand balled into a fist.
-
After the dinner was over and cleared. Charles and Jayson went into the den and the chess board to make good on their threats, while Bea and Peg went into the kitchen to wash dishes.
Pierce led BJ after the squabbling chessmen and seated him at the couch in front of the television with their back to the men; the only thing remotely interesting on was an episode of It's Your Life… Pierce could not even tell who it was that was in the hot seat.
It was mostly a cover so he could check BJ.
It had been so easy to forget his friend's condition at the table. He was dressed like a civilian, seated in his own home with his pretty wife next to him; if you ignored that she was practically feeding him half the time it was tantalizingly close to normal.
During the meal however he felt BJ bump him twice, as if Pierce was the only one whose presence he recognized, and now sitting with Pierce he was more relaxed than he had been since Peggy hugged him on the front porch.
With a sudden intuition, he reached out and took BJ's hand in his. He leaned in to speak in BJ's ear.
"Does being here scare you, Beej? Do you want to go back? Squeeze my hand if you do."
The tightening of the fingers on Pierce's was redundant as he felt his friend's pounding pulse in his wrist and a tear fell down BJ's cheek.
It was confirmed, BJ was close to having a panic attack right here in his own den.
Pierce felt guilt twist his guts in knot.
He was not about to leave BJ alone on the couch, so to save his friend's dignity he used his own handkerchief to wipe the tear making sure the combatants on the other side of the room were still engrossed and good-naturedly ribbing one another.
"Charles, I think he's worn out, we need to get him back," Pierce called to his chauffeur for the evening.
Charles and Jay looked up with alarm. "Are you certain?" Charles affirmed.
Pierce nodded. "I'm sure."
Jayson looked despondent. "But you just got here, and Winchester was losing badly. "
Winchester scoffed at that.
Bea and Peggy came in from the kitchen drying their hands. "Is everything alright?" Peggy said as she crossed the room.
BJ tensed at her approach but Pierce was grateful that it wasn't obvious.
"He's starting to show signs of being overwhelmed, that's all," he said laying on the charm really thick. "I think it was too much of a good thing."
She nodded, squatting down to stare into her husband's eyes. She frowned. "How did I miss it, you're right, Hawk."
Pierce was afraid that BJ would pull away when she reached up to touch his cheek, but he was a total gentlemen.
Even so, she looked up at Pierce, showing that she had guessed just how bad he really was, but so as to not disturb BJ' s parents she simply said. "We had a good night, take him home." She nearly choked on the word, but Pierce was proud when she regained her composure instantly for her husband's sake.
-
They took turns hugging BJ's neck at the door, which he allowed because Pierce kept a comforting hand on his back.
Peggy hugged Pierce tight and whispered in his ear. "Do you think I will ever hold him again?" She asked he saw unshed tears in her eyes. "Of course you will, Peg, and soon. I promise."
She nodded and backed away as they led BJ down to the car.
"What happened, Pierce?" Charles murmured, "You turned on the charm, you never do that unless you are trying to distract from something else."
"In the car, Charles."
He got BJ settled and they began the journey. Pierce buckled in beside his friend speaking soothing words in his ear.
"Breath, Bj, just breath, in and out pal."
Charles was silent for the first minutes of the drive. Then he broke the silence. "That was supposed to have worked, Pierce, why didn't it?"
Pierce did not know what to say, so he settled with, "Why is this so important to you Charles?"
Charles went silent again, then he said, "Because if BJ and Peggy Hunnicutt cannot find happily-ever-after, then what chance do any of the rest of us have, damn it!"
Pierce was stunned. "Charles Emerson Winchester III, you are a romantic," he called. "Check him out, Beej, he probably paints his toenails too."
Charles stared straight ahead, and then mumbled, "Cretin."
---
So I want to apologize to you, Beej, for taking you back home before were ready, I guess I want to believe there are short cuts to this, that we can cut corners and get there faster. The reason is not impatience, but just that I miss you so damned much I don't always think straight.
I'm not the only one that loves you though; I wish you could have felt the affection that Peggy and your parents have for you. I guess I thought that against all odds you would.
I hear you whimpering again, I think that tonight brought up all types of bad dreams, like when you stir the pond and see things float to the surface that make you not want to swim anymore.
I keep feeling like the answer is somewhere nearby, disguised as something so simple, I keep feeling like I am missing something. Of course I missed that my best friend secretly hated himself for not being perfect when everyone else thought he was.
So what do I know.
I do know nightmares, I know you are comforted by my touch, so what am I doing writing in this, when I can make sure that one of us gets to sleep tonight?
---
Pierce put the pad away. He walked over to the bunk were BJ was still tossing and turning in his private hell. He gently eased his friend over and slipped in putting BJ in the crook of his arm, and to his relief the sounds quieted.
The door cracked and a familiar face peeked in.
When he arrived on their floor earlier, Polly had quietly asked how the night went, and he just gave her a sad shake of the head. She looked far more disappointed than Pierce would think someone on the outside would be.
She obviously had a personal stake in this somehow.
"Is he sleeping? Do you need a sedative?" she asked as she crossed to them.
"He's quieted, but he was near a panic attack back at the house, I don't know why," Pierce informed as she sat on the edge of Pierce's cot, so close to BJ's that she was able to reach out a comforting hand to his shoulder, once again showing that same affection she did the night of the storm.
"You poor, dear sweet man,"
Pierce had to know what was really going on here. "Why do you care so much about BJ, it seems to go farther than just mere nurse's sense of duty, I mean you never really got the chance to meet him, right?"
She shook her head. "He was suffering from hallucinations and withdrawals back when he was still talking, and then went catatonic, so never officially."
"Then why?" Pierce reiterated.
She turned to him; her eyes had an intense light of grief. "I'm divorced, have been for five years, but before I married, my maiden name was McNamara."
A chill hit Pierce, the image of that dead boy on a slab came unbidden. "Your brother?"
She nodded wiping a tear away. "Bobby always wanted to be a doctor, since he was a little boy, read all my medical texts, even took my example test and aced it. The day of the accident, he was dead man walking by the time he got to the hospital, a congenital defect in the aortic wall they later confirmed, he was destined to die young and no one knew it, that steering wheel just sped it up."
She reached out and laid a hand on BJ's shoulder.
"Your friend here handled Bobby's intake, when my brother offered to help, instead of scoffing he immediately began to quiz him, asked him all sorts of difficult questions, declared him competent and told the interns that Bobby was his eyes in pre-op, to follow up on any diagnoses he made as if it were from Doctor Hunnicutt himself.
My best friend Florence works there, we were in nursing school together, she's known Bobby for years, so when she told me that my brother looked happier than she had ever seen him, I believe it."
She paused and looked away gathering herself, then continued. "I had heard about this Doctor Hunnicutt from her. Said he was young, dream boat handsome, and never hit on the nurses once, which was an oddity unto itself believe me, then she also said he was kind to intern and nurse alike and blasted any blowhard doctor that came down on one of his charges without cause, in other words they liked him plenty. Bobby was no exception."
Pierce was trying to absorb the information, he shifted BJ just enough to keep his arm from falling asleep, then said, "From what I heard, Bobby saved some people."
She nodded her smile wistful and sad. "He got to live out his dream before he died something that would not have happened if it wasn't for BJ."
She sighed and studied Pierce's face for a sign of how he was taking this confession.
"Florence told me about Doctor Hunnicutt's breakdown and resignation, how they were all devastated, suddenly I'm getting a new patient matching his description with last name Hunnicutt, Florence confirmed his identity, so I saw my chance to repay his kindness to Bobby. Bobby would have wanted me to."
Pierce sighed. "No conflict of interest?"
She shook her head no. "If my presence caused him to get less care then I would have bowed out, as it happens he has gotten the best care I can give, I think of him as I would a dear friend. I keep an eye on him and make sure that no one takes advantage or lets him slip through the daily routines, I just know that this is a man who deserves to be taken care of, if that's a bad thing then you can sue me."
Pierce smiled. "No need for that."
"So tell me what happened at the dinner?" she queried.
He gave her an account of the events, including his despondency and guilt about the entire evening, including the pain he put Peggy through.
"I think you missed something, Hawkeye," she said smoothing hair from BJ's forehead.
"I'm sure I have," he replied showing his weariness.
She paused to get her words in order. "The psych profile that Doctor O'Riordan updated, says that BJ is possibly stuck back in Korea in his mind, having flashbacks and adrenaline rushes associated with time at war, correct?"
Pierce nodded.
"Flashbacks happen when memories intrude into real life, if he was having a flashback to Korea there in his own home, then maybe he thought that Peggy was there in the war with him, that he had put her in danger. That would terrify me."
Pierce slapped his forehead, wincing at the pain. "How could I be so stupid?"
She reached out across BJ's shoulders and laid a hand on Pierce's arm. "You need to go tell that poor girl that her husband was afraid for her and not of her, she probably thinks the worse."
"Charles has already gone back to his lair," Pierce said with a shrug.
"Can you find the Hunnicutt house on your own?" she inquired, her forehead pinched in concentration.
Pierce nodded. "I was ragging Charles the whole way, but it's not all that hard to find."
She nodded to the door. "I'll watch BJ, my keys are in my purse."
Pierce was ready to protest, but he thought of Peggy's eyes filled with anguish.
"I'll be right back."
He slid out from under BJ, helped her get him prone and covered up.
On impulse he gave Polly another hug and left.
Story Notes: I feel I must provide you with a sign post to let you know where you are with this story.
Next up.
Conversation with Peggy.
A good idea.
movie night.
Stay tuned...
Bart