Fated

by LouBlue

EJami fic. A different deal is made that December night of 2006. A story encompassing EJami & Santeen and the Brady & DiMera families. EJami - fated to be together or fated to be apart...

10. Chapters 103 to 118

FATED

(Chapters 103 - 118)

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & THREE – Oops I Did It Again

Please don't lie to me, unless you're absolutely sure I'll never find out the truth.

~Ashleigh Brilliant ~

EJ shuffled out from the bedroom and looked around for his shoes. He'd spent the night simply holding Sami in his arms, trying to get her to calm down after reading the last letter. EJ hadn't expected for Sami to be so disturbed by what had happened with the shooting star and Colleen and Santo. EJ had a far more pragmatic response to Sami's surprisingly emotional one. Whilst he believed there was a link between the past and the present he didn't think that they were doomed to follow in Santo and Colleen's tragic footsteps. He and Sami were still architects of their own destiny and would make a future for themselves that had been denied the other couple. EJ stepped into his sneakers and began to try and do them up, grimacing in pain as he tried to bend over.

"I'll do it," offered Sami quickly, walking out of the bedroom and bending down in front of EJ, doing up his shoe laces for him.

EJ smiled down at the top of her blonde head as she bent over her task industriously.

"I'm sorry I'm such a nuisance," he apologised to her huskily.

"You're not a nuisance EJ," she corrected him hastily and he could see the guilt on her face.

He held out a hand and helped her to her feet when she was done, tightening his hold on her hand.

"I do appreciate all that you are doing for me you know," he said throatily, "I know you could have left me here. I know that is what Lucas wanted you to do."

"I couldn't abandon you EJ," she said, looking a little upset now, "Not after I-"

She stopped abruptly then, her look of guilt deepening.

"Me hurting my back wasn't your fault Samantha," he reassured her and Sami gave him an outright disbelieving look at that and EJ had to adjust his statement, "Well, apart from making me ride in a matchbox and then sleep on the sofa of course."

Sami looked very unhappy now and EJ couldn't bear it, even if he was only teasing her.

"But I had an old back injury from my racing days," he told her, wanting to comfort her.

"From a crash?" she asked him with a concerned frown.

"Actually it was from a Swedish woman named Hilda," he said straight faced, "An admiring fan but the Swedes are a robust race and she did me a bit of a mischief whilst showing me her admiration this one time."

Sami slapped his arm both for teasing her and for that story.

"I don't want to hear things like that!" she hissed, glaring up at him, "I don't need to hear you've done half of Europe in the past and only didn't do the other half because they were guys!"

"You're jealous," he said in satisfaction.

"Disgusted," she said sweetly, "But I suppose if we are talking about old lovers now I could always bring you up to speed on Brandon and Austen and Franco and..."

"Alright, alright," EJ grimaced, just the sound of the other men's names making him want to hit something, "Point taken. No discussion of ex's allowed."

Sami was still looking at him with a troubled expression on her face though.

"Samantha I'm sorry," he apologised to her sincerely, "I can promise you that thoughts of other women are the furthest thing from my head when I am within a ten mile radius of you."

"It's not that," she said, biting down on her bottom lip, her frown deepening, "It's been six days EJ and your back seems to have gotten to a certain point but isn't getting any better beyond that. I'm worried that our... um... you know, when we are..."

"Cuddling?" offered up EJ huskily, reaching up and running a long finger lightly down her arm and making them both shiver.

"Yes," said Sami, blushing now, "I think we have to stop because it must not be good for your back."

"Oh I disagree sweetheart," said EJ hastily, stricken by that thought, "I think it does my back the world of good our cuddling, not to mention the ecstasy it gives my front!"

"But you're not getting any better," fretted Sami even as her blush deepened at that comment from him, "What if this injury is even more serious then we first thought. I mean only the one doctor has looked at you and you've never had any kind of checks done beyond that like an x-ray. I really think we should get a second opinion EJ."

"Is Lucas harassing you to come back to Salem?" asked EJ, his eyes narrowing in annoyance at the thought of the other man intruding on their little sanctuary and wondering if this was where this sudden uncertainty from Sami was coming from.

Sami was so close to admitting her feelings for him that EJ wasn't going to take any interference from that little twerp now that all he ever wanted was just within his grasp.

"No," said Sami with a shake of her head and then relented, "Well yes but that isn't what this is about EJ. I'm scared you are seriously hurt and we are just making things worse. I really think we should go to a hospital where you can get x-rays and things done and we can make sure that you really are okay and that there isn't something more seriously wrong with you."

EJ loved how Sami kept saying 'we' all throughout that sentence and he loved that she was worried for him but he didn't love that this was upsetting her.

"My back is improving," he told her softly, putting gentle hands on her shoulders, "It's just takes time with these kinds of things. You're not to worry yourself Samantha. I'm on the road to recovery and in a few more days I'm sure I'll be as right as rain."

"But-" Sami seemed determined to fuss though but EJ couldn't help but think it was something else again.

"Sweetheart this sudden concern on your behalf," he said slowly, "This doesn't have anything to do with the letter we read last night does it?"

It had taken a long time for EJ to settle Sami down after she'd come back from her night wanderings and it was clear it was still a shadow over her this morning.

"I don't want anything to happen to you EJ," she whispered shakily, "I don't want you to get hurt."

"Then never leave me."

The words were out of his mouth before EJ had a chance to even really think them. He knew there was only one thing in this world that had any real power to hurt him and it was the young woman looking so pensively up at him right then.

"I meant physically," she hedged, "I don't want you to die EJ."

"Well either do I," he smiled, trying to lighten her mood, "So we're both in agreement then, I won't die."

"I'm being serious EJ," she scowled at his sudden flippancy.

"Sweetheart nothing is going to happen to me," he said confidently, "My back is improving all the time and I promise you that there is nothing for you to worry about on that front."

He gave her a cheeky grin then.

"Not that I don't love you fretting over me of course," he teased her, "It makes a pleasant change from all the times you wished destruction to rain down upon me."

"Which you deserved at the time," Sami scowled, not willing to be cajoled out of her worrying just yet.

"Look Teri is due round at any minute and I'm sure she'll be able to continue to get me back on the road to recovery in no time," said EJ happily, enjoying seeing the look of annoyance in Sami's eye at the mention of the other woman's name, "She helped me no end last time."

"I bet," muttered Sami, "Well tell her I said hi won't you?"

"You're not going to be here?" asked EJ in surprise, watching as Sami went and got her coat and bag.

"I need to go and shop for some more clothes," she told him, "I'm sick of only having a couple of different blouses."

"I thought you might want to stay," protested EJ and then gave her an impish look, "You know, to lay claim to your man."

"Like I'm worried," snorted Sami, looking decidedly unconcerned as she headed towards the door.

"You look worried the other day," said EJ mischievously, unable to help himself stir her up a little.

"You were imagining it," sniffed Sami defiantly.

"I have a pretty vivid imagination in that case," said EJ in amusement.

"I'll see you later," said Sami, throwing him a disinterested look which made EJ a little curious as to why she was being so casual about a visit from Teri when she'd been anything but the first time.

Perhaps she'd at last taken him at her word when he said that she was the only woman he had eyes for? EJ watched as she left, giving her a little wave and then he was alone in the hotel room. He looked around himself and then down at his shoes that Sami had so kindly done up for him. Without missing a beat he easily bent down and retied one shoe, preferring them to be a bit tighter than Sami had done.

"I thought you had a sore back."

EJ quickly straightened up at the sound of the familiar voice, his lips twisting in annoyance.

"Oh it's you," he said flatly, going back to his shoe laces, "I thought I'd gotten rid of you."

"Not yet," said Sam, "You clearly still need me."

"I don't need you," said EJ confidently, starting on his other shoe, "Samantha is going to tell me that she loves me any day now."

"Are you sure that's going to happen when she finds out you've been talking out of your butt re your supposed injuries?" asked Sam sweetly as she admired EJ's backside from where she was leaning against a chair, dressed in her usual lingerie.

"I've merely downplayed the speed of my recovery," said EJ straightening up and frowning when he saw Sam openly ogling his backside, "It's not a lie."

"It's a lie of omission," she informed him, "And it's going to get you the same ass kicking from Sami as the regular kind."

"Can we please leave my backside out of this?" asked EJ in frustration.

"Then stop showing off the merchandise my love omelette," she said unapologetically and then pinched his backside cheekily as she went by to sit on a winged back chair.

EJ grimaced and shook his head.

"I so shouldn't have been able to feel that," he lamented, more confused than ever as to what exactly Sam was.

"Why don't you ever play it completely straight with that woman?" asked Sam curiously.

"I do," said EJ shortly and then at her pointed look had to qualify himself, "About the big things."

"Some might argue that it's the little things that make or break a relationship," said Sam with an arched eyebrow.

"We'll they'd be wrong," said EJ confidently, "The only important thing is that Samantha and I love one another and that she is going to admit that very soon and our lives together can begin properly."

"It seems to me that we've been here a couple of times before," commented Sam idly, "You confident you were about to win the fair maids heart but then you always manage to cock it up somehow. Usually by not listening to my good advice truth be told."

"You know I rather enjoyed the fallout from Teri's last visit," said EJ with a smug smile, remembering what it had lead to between himself and Sami and ignoring Sam's comment entirely, "Perhaps another repeat performance for Samantha to walk in on might be just what the doctor ordered? Teri seems like a good sport, I'm sure she'd play along and I do love it when my girl gets territorial."

"So your plan is to poke the bear in the hopes you'll get to poke the beaver?" asked Sam innocently.

"Crudely put," said EJ, his face twisting in disapproval, "But in the ball park, yes. Sami just needs these little nudges I provide to get her where she is going. If I don't push she'll stay where she is at, wallowing in ridiculous catholic guilt. We are meant to be together."

"And you're going to prove that to her by pretending to flirt with another woman," said Sam dryly, "It's a plan whereby by its stupidity is only superseded by the idiocy of the moron who came up with it."

"My plans have gotten me where I am today," growled EJ.

"With your back practically snapped in two, your eighty thousand dollar car currently being driven by mermaids and lying through your teeth to the woman you love who by the way is still technically dating another man?" she asked him sweetly, "I can see why you're so keen to stick to such a winning formula."

The knock at the door signalled Teri's arrival.

"I know what I'm doing," said EJ, sending her an angry look at her mocking of him and going over to the door.

"So you're going to go with the make Sami jealous thing huh?" she asked him with a roll of her eyes, "Just to let you know I've got my pom poms all ready to shake at you when I do my 'I told you so' dance."

EJ just glared at her and opened the door, the smile he'd put on his face for Teri freezing in place when he saw it wasn't the lovely young woman who had last visited him but rather a very beefy young man who stood almost as tall as EJ.

"Hi, I'm Jamie," he smiled, extending the hand that wasn't holding the fold up massage table, "I'm your physio for today."

"On second thought," said Sam cheekily, taking in the broad shouldered and very manly looking Jamie, "I think you should totally go with that jealousy idea of yours. Girls like it when you keep them guessing... particularly about your sexual orientation I hear."

EJ didn't dignify that with a response, mainly because it would be a little hard to explain to Jamie that he wasn't talking to him when screeching out 'leave me alone you annoying cow' at the top of his lungs. EJ shook the other man's hand, recovering quickly and trying to ignore Sam's amused commentary.

"I'm sorry Jamie," said EJ, stepping back to let him come in, "I was just expecting the woman who came last time, Teri."

"Oh but your wife rang up and said you preferred a man," said Jamie in surprise.

"Oh did she now?" asked EJ wryly, Sami sudden lack of concern about Teri visiting making sense now.

"Is there a problem?" asked Jamie a little uncertainly.

"Not from where I'm sitting," said Sam, checking out the buff young man appreciatively, "Meeoow!"

"Not at all," said EJ smoothly.

An hour later EJ was done with his appointment and seeing Jamie off.

"That girl of yours is a wily one to be sure," commented Sam in amusement once he was gone, "It must be great to have a relationship built on trust."

"I don't care what you say," said EJ smugly, "I take this as a good sign. Samantha is so jealous of me she can't bear the thought of another woman touching me."

"I suppose that is one way of looking at it," she said, "But I still don't think it's the sign of a healthy relationship."

"You don't even exist," said EJ distractedly as he bent down and picked up the stack of letters he and Sami still had to read, "What do you know."

As he picked up the letters one escaped and fluttered rather inconveniently under the couch.

"Damn," muttered EJ and went down on his hands his knees, putting his cheek on the floor to see where it had landed.

He tried to put his hand under it to retrieve it but the couch was too low to the ground and his arm didn't fit. EJ stood up then, knowing there was nothing else to be done other than move the sofa. He walked to one end of it and picked the whole thing up easily with one hand, intent on simply moving it to one side to get the letter.

"EJ!!"

EJ started at the sound of his name practically being screeched and looked up to see Sami standing in the door way, looking at him in horror as he held the sofa easily off the ground with one hand and with no sign of pain as he did so.

"Uh oh," said Sam in amusement, "This should be interesting."

"Good news sweetheart," said EJ, giving her a bright smile and trying to think fast as he stood frozen to the spot, the incriminating sofa still up on one end, "I appear to be enjoying a small miracle and my back has spontaneously healed itself. Isn't that marvellous?"

Sami's face darkened to a decidedly typhoon quality about it while EJ determinedly tried to bluff his way clear of being caught out.

"I'll just go get my pom poms shall I?" asked Sam delightedly, "No one move."

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & FOUR – Hit The Road Jack

You can do anything in this world if you are prepared to take the consequences.

~William Somerset Maugham~

"You have to talk to me sometime," he said, looking over at Sami from the passenger seat of their newly rented Lexus sedan that had plenty of room for both of them this time.

Sami didn't answer him, just stared stonily ahead, her eyes on the road. It was still dark outside, Sami somehow managing to silently insist they leave before sunrise the next day after discovering him with the sofa and had slept on that same sofa that night, not saying one word to EJ in the process.

"It's been sixteen hours already," commented EJ, "You can't just not speak to me for the rest of the trip home Samantha. You'll have to say something at some point."

No answer still, Sami just kept on driving and EJ wrinkled his nose, trying to think this through. Granted she'd been pretty upset when she'd discovered the slight over exaggeration of his symptoms yesterday but he didn't think it warranted being sent into Coventry like this.

"So can I have an estimated time as to how much longer you think this shunning might go on for?" asked EJ, trying again.

Sami just drove, not looking at him.

"I mean should I start having an imaginary friend just to have someone to talk to for the rest of the trip?" asked EJ straight faced.

"Leave me out of this," said Sam from the back seat where she was lounged out across the seats, "You made your bed Elvis, you can lie in it - alone. Besides, I'm knackered from all the 'I told you so' dancing I did. I've got pom pom fatigue."

EJ ignored her and continued with his attempts to get Sami to talk to him.

"Samantha please," he cajoled her, "You're being unreasonable and childish."

That at last got EJ a reaction as her head whipped round and she stared at him for a brief moment, her eyes wide. Sami pulled over by the side of the road, turned in her seat to face EJ and opened her mouth. Four minutes later she closed it again and then turned back in her seat, crossing her arms in front of her chest and staring ahead of herself in cold silence.

"Well," said EJ when he could at last find his voice again after her outburst, "I had no idea you knew quite that many profanities sweetheart."

"Wow," said Sam, also impressed with Sami's vocabulary, "I thought it was her Uncle Bo who used to be a sailor. When those two get together the paint must peel off the walls."

"You got off lightly," growled Sami, turning to glare at him.

"If you say so sweetheart," said EJ with an arched eyebrow, still pretty surprised by her outburst.

Sami had always been fiery but apparently there were yet untapped levels to her fieriness which EJ had to confess to finding a pretty intriguing thought. There never seemed to be an end to the ways in which Sami could fascinate him he decided with pleasure.

"I can't believe Lucas was right!" bit out Sami, the floodgates having been open now and all her hurt anger spilling out, "He said you were playing me and you were! I'm such an idiot! I should have known you couldn't have been trusted EJ! You made the whole thing up!"

"I most certainly did not make up the whole thing!" exclaimed EJ, just glad that they were at least talking again, even if it meant they were shouting, "I was in agony!"

"So much agony that you went around lifting up couches with one hand to overcome it?!" said Sami bitterly.

"So I recovered a little more quickly then I might have led you to believe," said EJ with a little shrug, "It didn't mean the injury wasn't real in the first place."

"How could you lie to me about something like that?" asked Sami, her voice caught somewhere between angry recrimination and what definitely sounded like pain to EJ which surprised him.

"You make it sound like the first time one of us has 'massaged the truth' to the other," protested EJ, "We've both done our fair share of twisting some pertinent facts to suit ourselves."

"But that was before," said Sami and now there definitely was distress in her voice and EJ's heart tightened painfully to hear it and know he was the cause.

"Before what?" he asked, still a little confused as to why this was affecting her so badly.

"Before... before," Sami looked away in vexation then, obviously reluctant to say it but then she looked back at him, "Before we started reading the letters, before we-."

"Shared a bed again?" he filled in for her huskily.

"Yes," she said shakily and looked upset, "It was different this time EJ…"

"How was it different?" asked EJ, leaning a little closer to her then, wondering what it was exactly that had changed so much for Sami since the island and when they'd last shared a bed that learning of his white lies was affecting her so deeply.

EJ hoped it was because she'd acknowledged her feelings for him and that was why she was acting like this but that hope was a kind of double edged sword. There were no words for the feelings of elation that EJ was experiencing at the thought that Sami might have finally admitted to herself that she really did love him. It was euphoria like nothing else he'd experienced previously but with that hope came the downside. If Sami had admitted her feelings for EJ to herself then more than ever he had the power to hurt and disappoint her and it looked like he'd done just that. She was at last learning to trust in her feelings for him which in turn meant trusting him and EJ had then waded in then with his size twelves and just trampled all over that fledgling trust with his lies.

"Oh hallelujah," came Sam's sarcastic voice from the back seat, "The strategically shaved chimpanzee finally gets it! I feel like we should celebrate – I'm thinking you'll be doing that by dying alone, a miserable old man and wishing you'd taken the advice of your good friend Sam back in the day."

Of course Sam could hear the thoughts in his head but EJ really didn't feel in the mood to put up with a commentary from her about this latest mess.

"Never mind," said Sami curtly, her hands going to the wheel, intending to start the car again, "I get it, I'm a clueless idiot. Let's just leave it at that."

"No!" said EJ urgently, stalling her from starting the car, "Please Samantha, no."

Sami dropped her hands back down on her lap and just stared expressionlessly ahead again.

"Do you know why I didn't tell you that I was getting better as quickly as I was?" asked EJ quietly.

"Because you enjoy making me feel like a horrible person and getting your revenge?" she suggested with a little hopeless shrug of her shoulders.

"Samantha, no, never!" he said emphatically, "Please sweetheart, I never want to cause you pain."

"And yet you're so very good at it," said Sami tersely, "Funny how that works out isn't it?"

"I didn't tell you about my back improving because I was so blissfully happy and I didn't want it to end," he told her earnestly.

"You were cooped up in a hotel room pretending you couldn't do anything!" she said in exasperation, "How on earth could that have made you happy EJ?!"

"I was happy because you were with me Samantha," he said softly, "You're all I need in this world to be happy."

Sami didn't seem to know what to say to that so EJ just pressed his advantage.

"I don't know if you understand what it means to me, what it does to me to have you all to myself Samantha," he told her huskily.

"You get sex," said Sami flatly.

"I get you," he corrected her firmly, "Samantha even if you and I were never able to make love again but I knew that you would be by my side for the rest of my life, loving me like I love you then I'd be the happiest man on earth and that would be enough."

"Really?"

EJ heard both Sami and Sam's voices asking the question in unison and he realised that he was just as surprised as they obviously were to discover that it was true. Even though he and Sami had a fiercely sexual relationship EJ was only realising now how much deeper than that it ran for him. It seemed like every day that passed he found another way to love Sami, a way to fall deeper into her and now the physical aspect of their relationship, as mind blowing as it was, it was only a very small part of his feelings for her. EJ had said the words to appease Sami but as he did he realised they were true. To spend his life with Sami, even without sex between them, EJ knew it would be enough for him as long as he had her heart. Mind you, he was still pretty happy that there would be sex as well but it was in no way the primary motivation for him to be with her.

"I don't want your body Samantha," he told her huskily and she gave him a disbelieving look at that and he gave a rueful smile, "I don't only want your body I mean. Your fire and passion, your spirit and intelligence – these are all the things that captivate me about you Samantha. The fact that there is an extremely gorgeous woman wrapped around all those heart stopping qualities is simply icing on an already delicious cake."

"It comes to you so easily doesn't it?" asked Sami, not looking as though she believed him, "All those pretty words."

"I mean them Samantha," said EJ sincerely but she wasn't convinced.

"How do I know that what you are saying is the truth EJ?" she asked him hopelessly, "You're always lying to me."

"She makes a good point snoodle poodle," nodded Sam knowingly, "And Sami doesn't even know half of your lies yet. Now would probably be a good time to come clean with the little issue of the surveillance camera and oh yeah, the fact that she's taking breath mints instead of birth control. Follow up that grand declaration with the truth and put your money where your mouth is."

EJ knew he couldn't do that. Right now he and Samantha's relationship was hanging by a thread and if he told her about those things he knew that the thread would snap completely and EJ couldn't bear the thought of that.

"Do it now," Sam urged him, "The timing is perfect, confess everything and trust that Sami will understand and forgive you. You keep saying she's in love with you and that love looks for an opportunity to forgive so let's put both of those assertions of yours to the test! Do it Elvis, tell Sami the truth and get it all out in the open so you can start this relationship properly!"

EJ could hear Sam practically screaming in his ear as she leant forward eagerly, encouraging him to do her version of the right thing but he simply couldn't do it. Too much was at stake and EJ couldn't risk losing Sami, not now.

"I promise you sweetheart," he told her earnestly, "On the life of my mother, I will never lie to you again."

"But you've got some old lies to confess…" Sam prompted him but EJ remained resolutely silent on that point.

Sam made a disgusted sound and flopped back against the car seat and shook her head at EJ as he continued to hold Sami's gaze, letting her see the earnestness in his eyes.

"Well it's official!" she declared, "There ain't no cure for stupid!"

"Forgive me?" asked EJ, taking Sami's hand and kissing the back of it gently while looking at her imploringly, "You drive me so crazy that I don't know what I'm doing half the time sweetheart. I'm sorry I hurt you and I'll never do anything like that ever again, I swear to you."

"I want to believe you EJ," said Sami, her voice strained, "But I feel like we keep ending up back in the same place again and again."

"It's because you keep taking the trip with the same idiot," said Sam knowingly from the backseat even though Sami couldn't hear her, "The Elvis 'I'm so stupid I think lying about my lies will get me the girl' Express. Next stop Moronville and Becoming A Bitter Old Drunk As I Wallow In the Bitter Regret of All My Mistakes Junction… all aboard!"

"I don't want us to keep on repeating our mistakes either Samantha," said EJ honestly and still ignoring Sam's barbs, "I want us to start fresh, to forget all the negative things that have passed between us before and just look to the future. Those things don't have to have any impact on us unless we let them."

"Oh yeah that will work," said Sam mockingly, "Because it's not like trying to get a woman pregnant without her knowledge so you can give your dying father stem cells could possibly have any kind of repercussions in the future."

"It doesn't matter anyway EJ," she said tiredly, "We'll be in Salem soon enough."

"And what?" asked EJ and now it was his turn to sound bitter, "You'll be back in the arms of your true love is that it? Even after all that we shared?"

"Apparently a good portion of what we shared in that hotel room was a lie," said Sami bitterly.

"Not the important things," he told her sharply, "Not you running into my arms and never wanting to leave them, not us making love again and again. Those things were real and powerful Samantha and I won't let you deny that."

"Just read another letter so we can find out what happened in the end with Colleen and Santo and get this over with," said Sami tightly, going to start the car up now.

"I want us to talk about this," said EJ stubbornly, not willing to let this go when they were so close to a break through.

"You gave up your rights to have a say in what happens next when you decided to lie to me," said Sami flatly and gave him a censuring look, "Now read the damn letters so we can be done with this already."

"Can I just say again Elvis how deeply admiring I am of the strategies you have in place to win this woman's heart?" came Sam's mocking voice from the back seat, "Clearly they are working a treat. You should write a book on the subject... no really."

If Sami hadn't been in the car with them right then EJ would have had a lot of things to say to that but she was so he was forced to bite his tongue and do as Sami had asked of him and read another letter.

oooOOOOooo

Santo paced back and forth across the room in his room in the bed and breakfast, rubbing the back of his neck distractedly as he waited for Colleen to arrive. He felt that all he ever did was wait for Colleen and as frustrated as that thought made him Santo knew that he would continue to wait forever for her if needs be. He walked over to the window and looked out of the window, thinking he might spy her coming up the path to the bed and breakfast but saw no one.

They had returned from Ara Caman a week ago, Colleen insisting that he wasn't to accompany her back to Galway, after all, what would people say? Santo didn't give a damn what anyone would say but he couldn't seem to deny Colleen any request she made of him.

He was hopelessly in her thrall and there was nothing he could do about it.

Colleen hadn't given him an answer to his proposal of marriage yet, having studiously managing to avoid talking about it somehow for the rest of the time on the island. She'd told him it was hard for her, a huge decision and Santo understood that and sympathised. Even though Colleen didn't know it yet, asking her to marry him had thrown his own life in chaos because marrying Colleen would mean having to divorce Sophia. Santo cared for Sophia and was loath to hurt her or upset his son Stefano but for him there was simply no choice. Colleen was the one for him, no matter how difficult it might make his life and Santo could consider no one else to go through this life with now that he'd met her.

For him the choice was simple despite the obstacles in his path so that was why it hurt him so that Colleen still hesitated. Santo was prepared to give up his entire life for her and hurt people he cared about, even though she didn't know it and he wanted Colleen to do the same. Her uncertainty cut him to the core even though he understood it. She was much younger than he was and had always answered to her family whilst he'd made his own way in the world for a long time. Santo took that into consideration and was trying very hard to be patient but it was hard to be patient when it felt like your entire fate was in someone else's hands. Santo was almost paralysed with fear at the thought that Colleen would talk herself out of meeting him in his room that night as they'd organised. It had been an entire week since he'd last held her in his arms and Santo could feel his nerves stretching painfully because of that. If she didn't come to him tonight he was fearful of what he might do. The urge to go and claim what was clearly his building up inside of him with every passing second.

Santo couldn't take it anymore, his hand was on the door knob when suddenly there was a tentative knock at it and that little sound was the sweetest noise Santo had ever heard. Colleen had come but he still couldn't help but worry that she might have come to end things with him. With his stomach churning with nerves Santo opened the door to see Colleen standing there. Their eyes met and Santo's nerves were quickly quietened when she walked into his room and threw her arms around him. It was as though they'd never been apart, all the trials of separation melting away in that first kiss. They kissed as though they were starving for one another and the truth was they were.

There were a million things to say, questions to be answered but none of that matter to Santo in that moment now that Colleen was back in his arms. The whole world faded away as it always did and all he knew was her, all he wanted to know was her.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & FIVE – Decisions, Decisions

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision.

~Eleanor Roosevelt ~

"There are only two more letters after this one," said Sami and she sounded a little sad about that.

"I guess we're about to find out what happened to Santo and Colleen at long last eh?" asked EJ, quickly taking his eyes off the road and looking over at Sami.

They had stopped briefly for lunch and then just kept on driving, EJ taking over the driving now. Sami was still being somewhat reserved around him and EJ wasn't sure if it was because of their fight, the letters coming to a close or the fact that every minute that passed took them closer to Salem.

"It's getting harder reading these knowing that Colleen dies in the end," observed Sami quietly, pretty much answering EJ's silent question.

"You've really identified with Colleen haven't you?" asked EJ, throwing her a quick sideways look.

"She's my great aunt," said Sami evasively.

"It's more than that," said EJ with great certainty.

"She's got a really hard decision to make," said Sami quietly, "It's hard not to sympathise with her over that."

"Just like you have a really hard decision to make?" EJ prompted her.

"We weren't talking about me," said Sami, clearly not keen to bring the conversation around to her.

"You know Colleen ended up choosing Santo," EJ told her, "Your great aunt was a strong woman who followed her heart."

"We don't know what Colleen chose in the end," argued Sami, "All we know is that she died and both sides blamed the other. Colleen could have said no to Santo's proposal for all we know and he killed her in a rage because of it."

"Do you really think that Santo would have done that Samantha?" asked EJ grimly, "After reading all those letters and seeing how much my grandfather worshipped the ground Colleen walked on, do you really see him hurting her in anyway?"

"No," admitted Sami quietly and EJ at least felt happy that she was compelled to admit to that.

She looked down at the letter in her hand and sighed heavily.

"I suppose we should just read this then," she said, it not really a question.

"It's important Samantha," agreed EJ, "It's why we went looking for the letters in the first place, to find out what happened in the end between Santo and Colleen."

Sami made a reluctant little noise, obviously not looking forward to reading about what the already knew would be a tragedy unfolding but she began to read regardless.

oooOOOOooo

Colleen rolled over in bed and felt Santo's dark gaze on her immediately. She smiled up at him, the sweat from their repeated lovemaking still drying on her skin. He didn't return her smile but instead looked down at her seriously.

"Soa you willa be leaving me now I suppose?" he asked the question softly but there was a wealth of emotion behind it.

"I have to be goin' back to da convent," nodded Colleen, hesitant to break the mood between them so soon by talk of such things.

"'Ow do you do it Colleen?" he asked her and there was bitterness in his voice now, "Ow do youa go from my bed backa to that place?"

It had been a month since they'd returned from the island and since first seeing Santo again back in Galway they had continued their love affair ever since. Colleen knew she should have ended it, that it was the right thing to do but she simply couldn't. She loved Santo too much and so she felt as though her heart was being torn in two by her love for both him and the church. The only time the pain stopped was in his arms and Colleen just wanted to stay in that protective shelter for a little bit longer and find some peace but it seemed Santo's patience with her was coming to an end.

"Ya don't tink it kills me ta leave you every night Santo?" she asked him in anguish.

"You killa us both Colleen," said Santo, obviously trying to keep tight rein on his emotions and finding it difficult, "Every time youa leave me Colleen you takea another piece ofa my 'eart witha you."

Colleen felt a pain in her own heart at hearing that. it was getting harder and harder to leave Santo all the time and it really did feel like death every time she did leave him, just as he said.

"You 'ave not answered my proposal Colleen," he reminded her, his voice roughened with tension now.

"I love ya Santo," she said earnestly.

"Then be witha me," said Santo urgently, "Forever. Bea mine Colleen, marry me!"

"It's not dat simple Santo," she whispered, "You're askin' me ta give up everytin' in da world dat I care about, dat I love."

"But youa lovea me Colleen," said Santo unevenly.

"I do," she said in heartfelt agreement, "But I love other tings as well."

"You are the only important thinga to me Colleen," he told her sharply, "There isa nothing I would nota give up fora you!"

"Really?" asked Colleen quietly, "And what if ya had to give up your son Santo? What den? What if the only way we could be together was for you ta never see Stefano again?"

Santo looked stricken at that thought and Colleen continued to try and make him understand.

"Dat is what you are askin' of me Santo," she told her earnestly, "If I marry you I can never come home again, my Da will disown me, da church will turn its back on me..."

"Your Da willa understand ina time Colleen," he tried to reassure her.

"No he won't," said Colleen hopelessly, "He will never forgive me Santo. I will never see him or Shawn again and dat breaks my heart it does."

"But Shawn could come and live with us," said Santo excitedly, "Stefano would love to havea a brother and wea could show him a world he never dreamed of before."

"I couldn't cause my Da to lose both of his children Santo!" said Colleen in anguish.

"He will calm down eventually," Santo tried to reason with her.

"No he won't," she whispered, "I'd be breakin' his heart Santo and I can't do dat lightly. If I agree ta marryin' you I won't see Shawny grow up and dat thought hurts so badly."

"Mio amore," said Santo in despair, putting a shaking hand to her face at seeing her pain, "I don't wanta you toa do thisa to youra self."

"I have to tink of dese tings Santo," said Colleen quietly, "I know ya don't want to hear dat but I do. My family, da church, I was going ta spend my life surrounded by both."

"We willa make our own family Colleen," said Santo, his voice sounding emotional now, "Anda the church willa always be there for youa but you don't ava to be a nun to serve God."

"I know," said Colleen quietly, "But dis is a huge ting ya askin' of me Santo. I just need more time."

"Time," he repeated and the word seemed to be a bad taste in his mouth as his face twisted, "I 'ave given youa time Colleen, dying a little more inside with each moment that passes while I waita to finda out ifa your 'eart truly lies witha me."

"Don't push me Santo," said Colleen, feeling hemmed in all of a sudden as she got out of bed, needing a little breathing space.

She began to quickly pull on her clothes and Santo got up as well, uncaring about his own nakedness.

"You cana not leave likea this," he told her almost angrily, "You need toa make a choice Colleen!"

"I will Santo," she said, "But I need more time-"

"NO!" said Santo fiercely, "No morea time Colleen – yesa or no – will youa marry me?"

"Don't do dis Santo," she begged him.

"If I don't doa this then we willa never move past where we ara!" he exclaimed, his frustration evident, "I know you ara frightened Colleen but I promise youa, I willa be there fora you, that I willa not leave you but you 'ave to make a choice!"

"And if I can't?!" she asked him in despair, "How does you harassin' me like dis help Santo?!"

"I do not want toa 'arass you Colleen but you cana no longer be ina two worlds likea you 'ave been," he said determinedly, "You musta decide whether it isa me ora the church thata you cannota live without!"

"Or you'll leave me?!" she challenged him shakily but her chin went up defiantly, "Is dis an ultimatum Santo?"

"This isa me telling you I can no longer bear toa share you witha anyone else," said Santo fiercely, "Things cana not go ona like thisa Colleen!"

"I'll make a decision," she told him, "I promise. Tomorrow I'll give ya my answer."

"Putting ita off will not make it any easier Colleen," said Santo in agitation.

"And what if I can't leave da church Santo?" she asked him hopelessly, "What den?"

"Then I willa leave this place and never come back," he told her defiantly.

"Just like dat?" said Colleen and felt such a wave of sorrow as she thought of never seeing him again.

"No," he said with a shake of his head, "Because I willa not let that happen Colleen."

"It's my decision ta make Santo," said Colleen unevenly as she saw the sudden spark of fire in his eye that made her back up a little, "Not yours."

"Then per'aps I should make your decision a little easier eh?" asked Santo grimly, starting to advance on her.

Colleen wasn't frightened per se of Santo but there was such a wild look in his eyes that she couldn't help but take a step or two backwards. He didn't let her get far though, pulling her into his arms and kissing her as though it was to be his last act this side of the grave. He ground his mouth into hers; making no apologies for feasting so deeply on her and Colleen couldn't help but give into him.

His every touch made her helplessly his and there was no way she could fight it. Santo's hands went to her clothing, tearing it roughly from her body and all Colleen could do was cling to him and pray that he never stopped touching her.

"You ara mine Colleen," he ground out raggedly against the skin of her neck, having dragged his mouth down now to press hard kisses along its long length.

Before Colleen had a chance to respond to that he was picking her up and placing her on the bed and she didn't fight him, wanting this, wanting him like she always did. Santo sat back a little, running his hand up one creamy thigh of hers, pushing her slip up with it before peeling this last obstacle between them from her body.

Colleen held her breath, the anticipation of the first seconds of their coming together making her practically scream out. It was always like this, no matter how many times they made love each time was like the first time and her excitement was at a fever pitch after only a few kisses and his hands on her body. Santo moved over her and she looked up at him wide eyed, a look of expectant need on her face as he looked down at her, his face full of fierce possessiveness. The heated touch of his gaze on her body branded her just as much as the feel of him pushing his swollen hardness into her wet heat. Santo hissed noisily at the feeling of her tightness claiming him just as he was claiming her. He didn't wait for her to adjust to his impressive swollenness like he usually did, instead beginning to thrust fiercely into her. It was like he was punishing her for even thinking of leaving him but if it was a punishment what a sweet one it was. Colleen was overcome by how quickly her body responded to his wild possession of her, responding shamelessly.

"You belonga to me Colleen!" he grunted unevenly, his voice shaking from the force of his own arousal, "Say it!"

Colleen groaned loudly, clinging to him helplessly as his thrusting became ever more powerful. She wanted to scream out that it was true, that she was his alone but a powerful orgasm was ripping her body apart and she couldn't speak, only feel. Colleen hadn't expected such a forceful release when they had just made love not long ago but there was something about his wild demandingness of her that just made her lose all reason. It felt as though her body was turning inside out as she climaxed noisily around him.

Her nails raked his back as she spasmed hopelessly and was sure she must be drawing blood but Santo didn't seem to notice as her pleasure tipped him past the point of no return and he joined her in his own loud release. Colleen had the joy of feeling him flood her with his maleness once again, exploding inside of her and making her feel more of a woman then she ever thought possible.

"Santo," she gasped weakly at the end of it all, not sure she would ever have the strength to stand again.

He was still jerking helplessly against her and she hugged him tightly to her, enjoying the lingering moments of his climax as much as his muffled moans told her he was. Santo kissed her then, a hand cupping Colleen's face as they simply revealed in what had just passed between them.

"Please Colleen," he begged her raggedly as he at last managed to tear his lips from hers, "Do nota make mea leave you."

Colleen didn't know if he was talking about their intimate coupling or if he meant in a broader sense of refusing his proposal and it didn't matter. In that moment she didn't have the strength to refuse him either.

"I won't," she breathed, bringing her walls to bear around his member that was only now starting to soften.

He groaned at her answer and what she was doing to him, dropping his sweaty head into the groove of her neck and barely seeming able to keep some of his weight off her so that she wasn't crushed beneath him. Colleen didn't care though, having Santo all around her and deep inside of her made her feel more safe and loved then she'd ever felt before in her life.

Colleen had no idea how long it took them to reach a climax that next time. They worshipped one another with their bodies, with their whispered words of adoration and all the time Santo was deep inside of her, moving with determinedly slow thrusts, both of them lingering over the act this time, savouring it and each other. Days could have passed for all Colleen knew and cared as Santo became her whole world and he was so unbelievably tender with her after the fierceness of their last round of lovemaking that it brought tears to her eyes. Neither one of them wanted it to end; when one would become too excited the other would quieten them, wanting this exquisiteness between them to last forever. They climaxed together at long last and for Colleen it seemed as though the sensations flooding her body was transforming her into a new creation, one shining and glowing, awash in the love of the man she was holding in her arms.

The moment was perfect, strung out in all of time as a glistening moment of pure flawlessness between them that would never be forgotten.

oooOOOOooo

Sami wordlessly picked up the next letter without comment on the last one. There was too much to say or maybe everything had already been said anyway. Sami didn't know which of those things were true. It was another Colleen letter and it felt as though time was standing still inside the car and to her surprise EJ pulled over by the side of the road, as though he knew this was going to need his full attention, that the end of this love affair deserved at least that. They both looked at one another, an expectant tension in the air and Sami took a deep breath, beginning to read.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & SIX – Questions Answered

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.

~Oscar Wilde ~

Colleen stood in the foyer of the church and took a deep breath. She had planned to see Santo that night and give her answer to his proposal of marriage but it seemed that he couldn't wait. Colleen looked down the aisle to see Santo standing in front of the altar, looking up at the cross and with his back to her. She knew she was about to change everything between them and her nerves tightened at that thought. Her body was still tender from last night, when he'd made love to her so fiercely and Colleen gave a little shudder at the memory. He'd needed her so badly it had stolen her breath from her body and had found an answering need in her.

She had no idea how he was going to react to what she was about to tell him and couldn't help but worry over the outcome of all this. She took another deep breath and gathered her courage determinedly. Almost noiselessly she walked down the aisle and came to a halt behind Santo who was so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't even heard her approach. She reached out a hand and placed it gently on his broad back. Santo whirled around, his face one of anxious anticipation and joy at seeing her standing there.

"Colleen," he said unevenly.

"Santo," she said softly, "I said I would see ya tonight."

"I could nota wait," confessed Santo, looking at her very seriously, "Colleen, I 'ave to know what youra decision is."

Colleen looked back steadily at him, taking in the strained lines on his face and regretted being the one who had put them there.

"Dis was so hard for me Santo," she told him quietly, wanting him to understand why it had taken her so long to make her decision.

"But you 'ave made your choice now?" he asked her, the tension obvious in his voice.

"I have," she said softly and felt her stomach begin to flop nervously.

"Colleen please," said Santo, closing his eyes, "End mya suffering and tella me what you 'ave decided."

"I love da church Santo," she told him, her own eyes very serious, "I always will – "

"Enough!" said Santo tightly, holding up a hand to stop her next words, "No more Colleen, I cannot beara to 'ear this."

"I will always love da church Santo," she continued on determinedly, ignoring his plea, "But as much as I do it is nothing compared ta da love I have in my heart for you. I can't live wit out you Santo and I can no longer pretend dat I can."

Santo's eyes widened at that, stunned by her words and obviously having trouble with comprehending what she had just said to him.

"Co-Colleen," he stammered uncertainly, clearly to frightened to hope still.

"I'll marry you Santo DiMera," said Colleen, a slow smile spreading over her face, "I'll marry you tomorrow if ya want."

"Colleen!" he exclaimed delightedly and then just grabbed for her, swinging her around and around in excitement until she had to tell him to stop.

"Scuesi," he said as he put her feet back on the ground, both of them laughing, "Oh Colleen."

She was in his arms then and being kissed by a man beside himself with happiness, a happiness that Colleen shared completely. It had been so hard for her to let go of all the expectations of her family and allow herself the freedom to love Santo and choose to be with him. But know that she had it was like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and Colleen knew that she'd made the right decision, that being Mrs Santo DiMera was her destiny and that they would be blissfully happy together, come what may. Colleen wasn't so naïve to think that there weren't going to be huge trials ahead of them but having Santo by her side made her so confident that together they could overcome anything.

"I wonder if Colleen would have still thought that if she'd known that Santo was still married this whole time?" asked Sami tightly, "That she hadn't died like he'd told her."

"I think she would have," said EJ evenly.

"You seem pretty certain for a guy who won't take that same risk with your own Colleen," commented Sam dryly, still lounging in the backseat of the car, "It all rings pretty hollow if you ask me."

"I didn't!" ground out EJ.

"You didn't what?" asked Sami, looking at him in confusion.

"Ohh good idea," said Sam approvingly, "Go for the insanity angle. Chicks dig the crazies and she can't hold all the icky stuff against you if she thinks you are mentally unstable."

"I didn't think that it was the important thing right then," said EJ, trying to recover from his gaff.

Sami looked a bit uncertain by that explanation but was more distracted by the letter.

"You don't think that Santo is about to become a bigamist is a problem?" asked Sami flatly, "That he is luring Colleen in under false pretences."

"There is nothing false about the way Santo feels for Colleen – I mean felt for Colleen," said EJ sharply, having to remind himself to talk about them in the past tense seeing as they were both dead now.

It was hard though because through reading the letters the couple had become very real to them both and they each identified strongly with the embattled lovers.

"I'm sure Santo would have told Colleen the truth and made sure to secure a divorce before he actually married Colleen," said EJ determinedly.

"The church considered divorce a mortal sin," said Sami doggedly, "Colleen would never have agreed to Santo doing such a thing on her behalf."

"I think Santo thought as I do that God wouldn't have given them the great love between them and allowed them to find each other if he hadn't intended for them to be together," said EJ, not backing down, "It would have been too cruel a thing to do for a god of love."

"But Colleen doesn't know all the facts," said Sami unhappily, "How can she choose Santo properly if she doesn't know the facts?"

"She chose him with her heart," said EJ earnestly, "That was all that mattered. Logic and reason has no place when it comes to true love. Santo only wanted Colleen to choose him and then they would deal with the rest of it together but he needed her to be honest with herself first before they could do that."

"Gee emote much?" observed Sam wryly, "Are we still talking about your grandfather here Elvis? All I know is that apple didn't fall too far from the old tree when it comes to withholding pertinent pieces of information from the women you claim to love."

"I do love you Samantha!" said EJ, a little more loudly then he intended and getting more and more annoyed by Sam's continual interruptions.

"You keep saying that like it fixes everything," said Sami in exasperation, not seeming to find his comment out of place fortunately.

"It doesn't fix everything but it puts everything into perspective," said EJ, trying to keep his voice calm sounding now after that last outburst.

"I just think that if Santo had told Colleen about still being married then things might have worked out differently," said Sami stubbornly.

"How do we know he didn't?" argued EJ, "We haven't finished the letters yet."

Sami arched a sceptical eyebrow but went back to reading the letter to see which one of them was right about that particular matter.

"Colleen I am so 'appy!" exclaimed Santo, his whole face beaming as he waved his arms around excitedly and making her laugh, "You 'ave no idea!"

He stopped then and looked at her quizzically because even though she was smiling Santo could see the hesitation in her eyes.

"But you ara 'appy too yes?" he asked her, suddenly worried.

"I am Santo," she said, letting her love for him show through on her face, "I'm very happy."

"But stilla you ara worried eh?" he asked her with a little frown before pulling her into his arms, one hand going to her head and pressing it against his heart, "But you must nota worry Colleen, I willa make everything right again, I promise. Do nota be afraid ofa the future, I willa never leave you."

Colleen pulled back a little then and looked up at him, her stomach flopping about madly as she gathered her nerve to confess this one last thing to him.

"You may want ta hold off makin' such promises until I tell ya everyting Santo," said Colleen, her voice wavering a little.

"What is ita Colleen?" he asked her in concern, "Whatever ita is there isa nothing ina this world that would make mea want toa leave you – ever."

"I'm pregnant."

Sami gasped in utter shock as she read that, unable to keep on reading for the moment. She looked up wide eyed at EJ who looked similarly surprised by this latest revelation. No one had ever spoken about there being a child before now and it had caught them both off guard. EJ's eyes dropped unbidden to Sami's flat stomach and she caught him.

"I'm not pregnant!" she blurted out, feeling flustered by his close scrutiny.

"Are you sure?" he asked huskily.

"Very sure," said Sami firmly.

"But-" EJ began to protest.

"I had my period nearly a week ago now EJ," said Sami, thinking she should be more embarrassed discussing such things with him but she simply wasn't nowadays, too much had passed between them for her to feel that way anymore.

"Oh," he said quietly and she heard the disappointment in his voice and had to swallow hard then.

"I keep telling you EJ I'm on the pill," she said shakily, "Why do you think I let us have all that unprotected sex?"

"Because you need me so badly that you can't think of anything else then just having me, consequences be damned?" he asked her, only half jokingly.

Sami tried to look unimpressed at that observation of his but all the while she knew it was true. Every time EJ touched her Sami couldn't think beyond that moment. It was reckless of her she knew on so many levels but thankfully unlike Colleen she had the benefit of modern contraceptives. Even though Sami had fantasised about a child between her and EJ she knew it was the last thing the situation needed right then. It wouldn't be fair to bring a child into such a complicated state of affairs. Sami had done it all wrong with Will the first time and if she was to have more children she wanted to do it properly the next time.

"So what was Santo's reaction?" EJ prompted her when it became clear she wasn't going to answer his last observation, "I'm guessing he was thrilled."

"Why would you say that?" asked Sami in bewilderment, "A pregnancy would just make things even messier for them now."

"Because if I found out you were pregnant I'd be thrilled," said EJ evenly.

"Why on earth would you be happy about that?!" she asked in horror, "It would be a disaster EJ!"

"How can two people in love creating a child together be a disaster?" asked EJ calmly, not backing down, "I want to have children with you Samantha, I've told you that before. You are the only one I'd consider ever bearing my children, period."

"That's a huge statement to make EJ," said Sami, feeling flustered, "You can't say that you would never want any other woman to have your children, you don't know how you'll feel in the future."

"I'll be in love with you in the future," said EJ confidently, not missing a beat.

"You don't know that!" said Sami in exasperation.

"Yes I do," EJ said, holding her gaze steadily, "I've never felt like this about anyone before in my life Samantha. I've lived long enough and been with enough women to know that this is completely unlike anything else I've ever experienced. You're the one for me, without question."

"But how can you say that you know how you'll feel in a year's time?" asked Sami, undone by his great certainty.

"Samantha sweetheart," he said mildly, "I realise you've been with men in the past who for them love is rather like a virus – they get over it but I can assure you I am nothing like those other men. I am not going to get over you, not now, not ever."

"But-but what if I do something really horrible to you?!" she asked him unevenly and thinking back to all the times one of her many misdeeds had seen the men in her life simply turn their back on her.

"You mean like drugging me or drowning my beautiful car or crippling me or making me throw away shoes that were a work of art or setting me up with the Salem PD or using your considerable charms to hold me in your thrall while all the time you continue to run back to Lucas a man who isn't fit to scrub your toilets and break my heart every single time in the process or-"

"Alright, alright!" exclaimed Sami as obviously he was far from finished listing her past crimes against him, "I may have done all those things but you've done worse!"

"Never a truer word spoken," commented Sam dryly, having remained silent for quite a while now.

Sami was feeling overcome now as she listened to him reel off all the things she'd done to him. She had done some really horrible things to EJ and he hadn't even blinked about a single one of them, if anything he gave her the impression that it only made him love her even more because of them which was totally baffling. No one in her life had ever reacted that way. They'd always told her that she was a screw up and that she had to change. Sami's heart stirred with hope that it could actually be true what he was saying, that there was nothing she could do to lose his love. Even her own son had turned his back on her at times so it seemed impossible to Sami that this man could be offering her the one thing she'd craved all her life, unconditional acceptance.

She was never going to be Carrie, in her more honest moments Sami knew that but she couldn't remember a time in her life when she hadn't tried to be the good girl in the family but it just never seemed to work out. In fact all it ever seemed to do was guarantee that her bad girl image only deepened somehow. Sami felt like her entire life she'd been fearful of people stopping loving her and heaven only knows she'd disappointed so many people enough times that they were right to turn their back on her but even so it hurt more than she thought she could bear sometimes. And now here was EJ, promising her that no matter what his feelings for her weren't going to change and it was very hard to turn her back on that seeing as it was all she'd ever wanted her whole life.

"I'd say it was a draw," said EJ with a quirk of his lips and Sami had to struggle to remember what they'd been talking about before her mind wandered.

Sami shook her head and leant back in the car seat.

"We're sides of the same coin sweetheart," he told her confidently, "No one will ever understand you like I do and my feelings for you will not change except for maybe deepening. They say the bond between two people when they share a child is something very special."

"I'm not pregnant EJ and can we please stop talking about it," she said with an uneasy frown.

"I just want you to know that I'm in this for the long haul Samantha," he said softly, "Just like Santo was with Colleen."

"But they didn't get a long haul," Sami reminded him sadly.

"I know," said EJ with a grimace, "But we're going to be different sweetheart, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep EJ," she told him seriously, "You can't control everything in this life no matter what you might like to think. I'm sure Santo thought he had everything in hand and then whatever happened happened and Colleen ended up dead."

Sami made a stricken face then as that realisation sunk in.

"Colleen and her unborn child that is," she said, upset at the thought of two lost lives.

"It's heartbreaking," agreed EJ quietly, "Perhaps we should find out exactly what did happen in the end eh? Finish these last two letters?"

Sami nodded but she was still very reluctant to hear how it all ended. Colleen and the unborn child she'd been carrying had died but how and why were still huge questions hanging over the whole story.

"I can read it if you like Samantha," he offered, seeing how hard this was for her.

"No," said Sami determinedly, looking down at the letter in her hand which held all the answers to those questions, "I can do it."

She took a deep breath and began to read…

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & SEVEN – My Cup Overflowth

Each moment of a happy lover's hour is worth an age of dull and common life.

Aphra Behn~

"I'm pregnant."

Colleen held her breath, waiting for Santo's response to her confession. This wasn't probably the most appropriate place to bring such a thing up seeing as they were standing in a church but then nothing about their relationship could be classified as appropriate Colleen supposed. She'd only been to the doctor that morning, out of town and had it confirmed. Colleen hadn't been able to believe it but it was like a sign from God, one she'd been begging Him for to help her with this impossible decision. It meant she could never be a nun now and it was only having that certainty before her that Colleen realised she wasn't as devastated by that as she thought she would be. She would always love God and the church but it was no longer the only important thing in her life anymore.

As soon as she'd found out she was pregnant Colleen's first reaction had been of joy before any other consideration. The thought that she was now carrying Santo's child was a heartbreakingly wonderful. She had no idea how he would react because they hadn't really discussed children between them and Colleen wasn't sure what Santo wanted along those lines. The thought of never being a mother had been the hardest thing for Colleen to give up when first entering into the convent but she'd reconciled herself with it. At least she thought she'd had but the doctor's news and her reaction to it told Colleen that she would always have regretted not being a mother, no matter what she had told herself.

"Pr-pregnant," Santo stammered and there was a look of complete shock on his face for a split second and Colleen's heart sank.

"You don't have ta marry me Santo," she said, raising her chin and squaring her shoulders and letting him know that he wasn't to feel obligated to her just because there was a child now.

Colleen didn't even think Santo heard her say that last thing because suddenly his face was lit up with so much joy that it almost seemed to glow. He grabbed her arms, staring at her almost fiercely.

"You ara sure Colleen?!" he asked her urgently, almost as though he was too frightened to let himself really believe such wonderful news in case he'd misunderstood and his heart would be broken, "Sei incinta... you ara pregnant?"

"Yes," she said a little unevenly, saying the words aloud making them very real all of a sudden.

Santo made this delirious cry of delight then and picked her up in his arms, swinging her around and around.

"Ya makin' me dizzy!" she protested laughingly and Santo immediately stopped, putting her feet back on the ground and looking at her with great concern.

"Doa you feel sick Colleen?" he asked her in concern, cupping her flushed cheeks, "Was I being toa rough witha you?"

"No," said Colleen with a laugh at his sudden worry, "I'm not a delicate flower ya know Santo, never have been and dis changes nothin'."

"This changes everything!" said Santo joyously, hugging her to him, "Oh Colleen I did not think I coulda be any 'appier after you said you woulda marry me buta I was wrong! We ara going to 'ave a baby! A child Colleen!"

He drew back then and looked down at her adoringly.

"Thank you Colleen," he said, his voice choked with great emotion, "I cannot find the words to tell youa how 'appy this news makes me!"

"Really?" asked Colleen, still a little uncertain as she looked up at him, "We never discussed havin' children Santo, I didn't know if you'd want dis."

"But of course I do!" said Santo and looked shocked that she should think otherwise, "I love you Colleen and I want nothing more than to 'ave a family witha you. 'Ow coulda you 'ave thought otherwise?"

"I don't know," said Colleen, feeling the relief flood her body at Santo's obvious joy at the thought of being a father again, "I guess I wasn't expectin' dis – any of dis and didn't know what ta think."

"You are toa think thata you 'ave made me the 'appiest man on earth – twice over Colleen," said Santo huskily, drawing her closer to him and resting his forehead against hers, "But you ara happy to yes? Thisa baby, you wanta this baby?"

"I do," whispered Colleen with a tremulous smile, leaning into him, "More den anytin' Santo."

Santo smiled to hear that, bending his head to kiss her, his kiss warm and gentle and just full of adulation for her. Colleen melted against him, knowing only joy and peace in that moment.

"'Ow far along ara you Colleen?" asked Santo shakily, as he broke the kiss and looked down at her lovingly.

"Da doctor tinks six weeks," said Colleen shyly.

Santo moved his hand and placed it on her still flat stomach, beaming down at her delightedly.

"We made our child ona Ara Caman," he told her knowingly, a please smile on his lips.

"We did," nodded Colleen with an answering smile.

"Ah you see!" he exclaimed delightedly, his eyes twinkling down at her, "I knewa it! It wasa written ina the stars, just asa I said whena we sawa the shooting star!"

Colleen felt a little stab of fear at his words, suddenly overcome with a feeling dread.

"What is it?" he frowned down at her, feeling her give a little shudder under his hand and then shook his head, "Colleen, you cana not be worried about the timing witha the star still?"

"Maybe," she admitted hesitantly, finding it difficult to explain the sense of unease she had about the whole thing.

"Colleen you must nota worry," said Santo huskily, "I willa take care of you anda this baby, I willa keep both of you safe forever."

"I know," she breathed, looking up at him and letting his great certainty settle her nerves, "I know ya will Santo."

"We are going toa 'ave a baby Colleen!" he declared again, obviously still trying to get his head around the concept but just as clearly thrilled to be doing just that, "A child Colleen, this isa more then I could havea 'oped for!"

He bent down and kissed her again and Colleen just let herself go, trusting in Santo's love and the love she had for him. This was right, no matter what else the world might say she knew in her heart that what she and Santo were doing was absolutely the right thing to do. Colleen didn't have much experience with the world but there was some instinct deep inside of her that told her that this kind of love didn't happen every day and it was worth sacrificing everything for.

Sami stopped reading and bit down hard on her bottom lip, Colleen's words resonating deeply inside of her. For so long she'd told herself that to give in to what was between EJ and herself was not worth the pain it would cause but Colleen had battled with the same problems as Sami had and had reached a different conclusion. She was ready to risk it all for love; that loving Santo trumped all other things in her life and Sami couldn't help but admire her courage. Sami understood exactly what Colleen was giving up because she was basically facing the same choice but Colleen's choice had resulted in tragedy.

"Samantha?" prompted EJ quietly when she didn't continue reading for a long moment and watching her gnaw away on her bottom lip.

"I wonder if she regretted it?" asked Sami tightly, looking at EJ with eyes full of concern, "I mean in the end, if she had a chance before dying to think about it – I wonder if Colleen regretted choosing Santo knowing in that split second that she was going to die?"

EJ studied her face very seriously for a moment before asking her the one question she was too frightened to ask herself.

"Would you?" he asked her, his dark gaze never leaving her face.

Sami couldn't answer that, not sure what to say. Logic told her that there would be regret and wishing to turn time back and do things differently but then her heart told her something completely different. She'd been very young when she'd given birth to Will, young, silly and impulsive. She'd hurt her son a lot and been hurt by him – no one could wound you like your own child and there were times Sami didn't think she'd ever be able to get over the pain of having let Will down, disappointing him again and again and having him ultimately reject her.

There were things she would definitely do differently if she had her time over but Sami knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she could never regret having Will. She loved him with a mother's love and he would always be the thing she was most proud of in her life. As much pain as being a mother had caused her it in no way compared to the life altering joy that had come with that same role and Sami knew she could never wish it away. This felt like the same thing somehow to Sami and she knew the Colleen she'd gotten to know so well in her letters would never have regretted giving her whole heart to Santo.

"I don't think either one of them regretted the love that they shared Samantha," said EJ huskily, answering for her, "Some things are simply worth the pain."

There it was, laid out bear before her – some things are simply worth the pain.

So simple a sentiment but Sami knew that by taking that on board and deciding that the love she had for EJ really was worth all the pain she knew she'd be changing her whole world and the world of so many around her. It was incredibly daunting and Sami envied Colleen her courage to do such a thing. Sami's heart felt like it was going to explode from all of the emotions rioting through it, a million thoughts demanding to be heard and all the while there was the great emotion of knowing she was reading the last minutes of the love story between these two people that she'd grown so attached to. She couldn't find an answer to EJ's statement so she simply went back to reading.

Santo broke the kiss at last, when neither of them could breathe and Colleen couldn't imagine a day when his kisses wouldn't make her head spin and her knees go weak.

"Colleen," he said excitedly, fumbling in his coat pocket for something as he looked down at her happily, "This isa for you."

He found what he was looking for, holding out a black box to her that he carefully opened to reveal the biggest diamond ring Colleen had ever seen in her life.

"A proposal requires a symbol of my intent," he told her, his eyes sparkling mischievously at seeing Colleen's stunned expression, "You 'ave accepted my proposal Colleen now you must accept this token to go with it, so thata everyone willa know that you 'ave promised to bea mine."

"I can't wear dat Santo!" she said, her eyes still riveted on the glittering rock.

"But you 'ave nota even tried ita on yet," protested Santo, "I'm sure ita will fita you Colleen."

"It's not dat Santo," she said with a shake of her head and at last looking up at him, "It's far too extravagant a ting for me ta be wearing."

"Nonsense," dismissed Santo easily as he took the ring out of its case and picked up her left hand, sliding it on her ring finger, Colleen still too shocked to stop him, "You seea – it isa perfect fit!"

Colleen looked down at the amazing ring and could still hardly believe what she was seeing. It felt heavy and alien on her hand, seeming strangely out of place and yet a part of her loved it immediately for its great beauty but mainly because it was given by Santo.

"I can't accept dis," she said with a shake of her head, still staring at it, "It is too much Santo! I'd be happy with a plain band of gold I would."

"I have wedding rings already Colleen," he said, patting his breast pocket, "I keep them close to my 'eart."

"You were pretty confident I'd be sayin' yes den were ya?" she challenged him with an arched eyebrow.

"I 'ad to 'ope Colleen," he confessed to her, "It wasa the only thinga keeping me sane."

Santo suddenly grinned down at her, sweeping her off her feet and spinning them both around as he continued to be unable to contain his joy at becoming a father again.

"Santo stop!" she laughed up at him, revelling in the moment of unfettered joy between them.

"Never!" he declared happily and held her tighter to him to prove his point.

"What in da blue blazes is dis den?!"

The horrified sound of her father's voice echoing through the church immediately stilled the laughter on Colleen's lips and she turned her head to see her shell shocked father standing at the end of the aisle, obviously hardly able to believe his own eyes.

This was the confrontation she'd been dreading all along...

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & EIGHT – The End of The Affair

Behind every exquisite thing that existed, there was something tragic.

~Oscar Wilde ~

"Da!" she exclaimed, struggling in Santo's arms and anxious for him to put her down again.

Santo complied, carefully placing her back on the ground and then straightening up to face off against the other man.

"Well is someone goin' ta be answerin' me den?!" asked Peter Brady, his voice shocked and upset.

"Mr Brady-" Santo began, intent on protecting Colleen from the growing anger clouding the older man's face.

"Not you!" hissed Peter before looking over at Colleen, "What is dis girl, what is goin' on? Why are you out of your robes and why does dis filthy Iytalian have his hands all over ya? I swear if you've done sometin ta my little girl-"

Peter started to take vengeful steps towards Santo then but Colleen quickly put herself between the two men.

"No Da!" she said quickly, "Santo hasn't done anytin' wrong."

"Oh Santo is it now?" he sneered the question, glaring up at the taller man, "What happened ta Mr DiMera den?!"

"Da please," said Colleen, putting a hand to his chest and making him look at her rather than glower at Santo.

As she did the engagement ring Santo had just placed on her finger caught the light, making it dance playfully around the serious scene before it. Peter's eyes widened and he grabbed at Colleen's wrist.

"Jesus wept!" he bit out, looking in disbelief between the ring and Colleen, "What's dis den?! What have you gone and done girl?"

"Santo asked me to marry him and I said yes," said Colleen, holding her father's shocked gaze steadily.

"You-you've done what?!" stammered her father and Colleen could see that her words were killing him but she couldn't help it, she needed to tell him the truth, what was in her heart.

"I'm marryin' Santo Da," she said softly, her eyes pleading him to understand.

"Dat isn't an engagement ring," spat out her father, too wounded to be thinking straight now, "Dat's what a man gives his fancy woman for services rendered!"

Colleen jerked her hand away at that and drew in a pained breath but Peter wasn't done yet.

"Dis man has turned ya inta his whore?!" asked her father in anguish, "Is dat what you are tellin' me Colleen?!"

"Colleen is no whore!" Santo practically shouted his defence of her and Colleen cringed as the word 'whore' bounced off the stone walls of the church, "I lovea your daughter very mucha Mr Brady and I intend toa marry her as soon as I can!"

"What's da rush?!" the other man asked bitterly, still clearly reeling from this turn of events, "I suppose you'll be tellin' me your wit child now Colleen, is dat it?!"

He'd only thrown that out there because of the great amount of shock and pain he was in but the stricken look on his daughter's face told him he'd unwittingly hit on the truth.

"Colleen Mary," he whispered, his face twisting in utter devastation.

"I'm sorry Da," said Colleen, her eyes filling with tears as she saw the utter disappointment on his face and how distraught this information had made him, "I'm so sorry."

"You filthy animal!" raged Peter, charging at Santo, incensed over what had been done to his daughter.

Peter pushed past Colleen to get to Santo and tackled him to the ground.

"NO!" screamed Colleen in horror as the two men wrestled around on the floor just as Father Michael appeared, taking in the scene before him in disbelief.

"What's dis den?!" he yelled, running in to break up the two men, "Brawlin' in my church-"

He pulled the two men apart, surprisingly strong for a man of his stature as he glared at them both.

"I won't have ya two carryin' on like it's closin' time at da Grey Goose!" he exclaimed angrily as he wrestled Peter off Santo, "Dis is da house of our Lord and ya not ta raise your fist's ta one another in such a place do ya hear me?!"

"I'm sorry Father," said Santo as he got to his feet, pulling his clothes straight.

He had only protected himself against Colleen's father and not having raised a hand to the man, understanding his angry grief at what he'd just discovered.

"Ya should be!" screamed Peter, "Ya filthy foreigner, I oughta beat ya to a bloody pulp for what ya did!"

"Peter mind ya tongue!" said Father Michael sternly and then looked at Colleen in consternation, "Colleen my child, what is goin' on here, do ya know?"

"Answer the good Father Colleen," said Peter his voice sharp with his own pain, "Tell him what you've gone and done!"

"I'm leavin' da church Father," said Colleen quietly and then looked over at Santo who was looking at her with great sympathy, knowing how hard it was for her to keep saying that.

"Now den Colleen," said Father Michael, putting a calming hand on her shoulder, "Dere is no reason ta be hasty about dis kind of decision-"

"She's pregnant."

A father's pained words hung in the church and Colleen dropped her head in shame while the Father made a surprised expression. Santo quickly walked over to Colleen, putting an arm around her and drawing her close to his side.

"We are going toa be married Father," he told him unapologetically, "I want more than anything fora Colleen toa be my wife. I love her, more thena anything ina this world save fora my son. She isa my whole world and I am honoured that she woulda accept my marriage proposal."

"What other choice did she have once you took her virtue and then planted your dirty seed in her?!" growled out Peter, "Now she's stuck carryin' ya bastard child!"

"Da!" exclaimed Colleen in horror, not used to hearing her father speak in such a way and feeling Santo stiffen beside her, obviously very upset by the way her father was talking to them both.

Colleen was upset as well but she didn't want this to deteriorate into further violence.

"What?!" asked Peter dourly, "Are ya expectin' me ta give ya my blessin' is that it child?! Do ya expect me ta be happy dat your turnin' ya back on da church and on ya family?"

"I don't want ta do either of dose tings Da," said Colleen earnestly, "I love da church and I love you and Shawn, so much but I love Santo too and I want ta be wit him."

"What has he done to ya girl?" asked Peter in dazed horror, shaking his head at her, "To do such a ting? Have you no shame?"

"There is no shame ina our love," said Santo defiantly, unable to let that pass, "A love such asa ours should be celebrated!"

"Celebrated?!" repeated Peter in disbelief, "You want me ta celebrate what you've done ta my girl!"

"He didn't do anytin' Da," cried Colleen, "I love Santo and we want ta be together, please Da, please try and understand!"

"I'll not stand here and listen' ta such tings!" said Peter angrily, too upset to be reasonable in that moment.

He pushed past the two of them and stormed out of the church.

"Da!" called out Colleen brokenly after him as Santo pulled her into his arms to comfort her as she began to cry.

"It isa alright Colleen," he tried to reassure her, "Your Da, he isa just upseta right now. He willa calm down and we cana talk to him again."

"Colleen," said Father Michael with a concerned look at his young charge, "Are ya sure you know what ya doin' child?"

"I'm sure Father," said Colleen, blinking away her tears and holding onto Santo tightly, "I love Santo and I want ta be his wife."

"Dere were better ways ta go about dis," sighed the priest regretfully, "You've dealt ya father a terrible blow ya have Colleen."

"I know," said Colleen unevenly, the regret written all over her face, "I never meant for him ta find out dis way."

"You musta believe thata my intentions towards Colleen ara entirely honourable Father," said Santo intently, holding her close, "We willa be married as soon asa possible."

"Witout ya father's blessin' though I fear Colleen," warned Father Michael, "Colleen, is dis truly what ya wantin'? Ta break ya father's heart so?"

"Of course I don't want ta hurt my Da," said Colleen, her voice wavering, "But I have ta be true ta my own heart."

"I will doa right by Colleen," said Santo earnestly, "I swear toa you Father."

He looked down at Colleen and smiled at her encouragingly.

"Your Da will calm down my love," he promised her, "We willa make him listen and he willa understand because he loves you and wants you to bea 'appy Colleen."

Suddenly Peter Brady burst back into the church, having simply gone to retrieve his shot gun from the car he'd arrived in.

"Get your dirty hands of my daughter ya disgustin' Iytalian!" he yelled at Santo, levelling the shot gun at the younger man's head.

"Da!"

"Peter!"

Both Colleen's and Father Michael's shocked voices called out his name.

"Put dat away before someone gets hurt now Peter Shawn Brady!" demanded the priest in outrage, "I won't have such violence in my church do ya hear me!"

"Da no!" said Colleen, stricken by such a turn of events as she quickly moved in front of Santo to protect him with her body.

"Colleen no!" said Santo, reacting quickly to her move and quickly out of harm's way, fearful of her getting hurt in all this.

"Peter what do you tink ya doin' now?" asked Father Michael taking a step towards his long time parishioner, "Dis helps nutin!"

"Dis helps wit makin' dis heathen pay for takin' my little girl's virtue," said Peter angrily, his eyes not leaving Santo's as the two men attempted to stare each other down.

Santo hadn't flinched when he'd had the gun pointed at him, all he was really concerned about was Colleen and what this must be doing to her.

"He didn't take it Da," said Colleen unevenly, trying to get him to understand, "I offered it ta him freely."

"Colleen!" exclaimed her father brokenly, devastated by that news as he let the shot gun droop a little, looking at his daughter in anguish.

"I'm sorry Da but it's the truth," she said, moving towards him and looking at him with so much love in her eyes for the man who had loved her from the moment she'd been born.

He had been a good father to her all these years, taking on the role of both parents when her mother had died and she loved him dearly for that but it had come time for her to make her own decisions and Santo was one of those decisions. As much as it pained her to be doing this to him right now Colleen had to make him understand.

"I love ya Da," she told him with heartfelt emotion, coming to stand almost in front of him now as he looked back at her with a shattered expression, "I will always love ya, no matter what happens and I'm beggin' ya, will ya please try and understand why I'm doin' dis."

"You're doin' dis because he's corrupted ya mind," said Peter painfully, looking up at Santo as his outrage returned, briefly crowding out his love for his daughter, "He used ya and I won't stand for it!"

Peter went to lift up the shot gun again and Colleen, fearful of what he might do rushed at him, catching everyone off guard and no one reacting quickly enough to stop her.

"No Da!" she cried out, grabbing at the gun, "Please, don't hurt him!"

The sound of the gun shot echoed off the walls, deafening in the small space and everyone was too horrified to make a sound for a split second after it. The four of them froze in place for a split second, both Santo and Father Michael uncertain as to who it was, if anyone, had been shot. Peter took a staggered step back, still clutching the now smoking shot gun, his eyes wide and shocked looking with pain and as awful as it was Santo was unbelievably relieved because the other man's expression suggested that it had been him who had taken the unintentional shot.

"Colleen," her father whispered, through numb looking lips.

Colleen gave him a sad look, eyes full of quiet sympathy as she slowly turned around to face the other two stunned men. Her eyes went to Santo and she gave him the saddest of smiles.

"I'm sorry," she whispered and Santo didn't understand until he saw the crimson stain beginning to mark the front of her white blouse and he realised his worst nightmare was being played out in front of him.

Colleen's knees buckled then and Santo rushed to catch her before she fell. She grabbed at his neck weakly even as her eyes began to slide shut and Santo could do nothing but lower her carefully to the ground.

"Saint's preserve us!" cried out Father Michael in great distress, "Colleen!"

He looked at the tragic tableau before him; Santo crouched over the now heavily bleeding Colleen, cradling her in his arms and her father, stood rooted to the spot, unable to comprehend what was happening before his very eyes.

"I'll go fa da doctor!" declared the priest, grabbing up the hem of his robes and fairly bolting to the door, intent on trying to save the young woman's life.

Santo looked down at Colleen, her eyes wide and unbelievably blue against her suddenly painfully pale skin.

"It willa be alright Colleen," said Santo urgently, trying to reassure her as he pressed a hand to her stomach in a desperate attempt to stem the bleeding, "Father Michael isa going fora 'elp. You musta be strong, you musta fight to stay witha me."

"Santo," she whispered, her eyes filling with tears as she knew that wasn't going to be possible.

She could feel her life's blood ebbing away and Colleen knew she was dying. It broke her heart to leave Santo but she couldn't help it. It was her time.

"I love ya Santo," she said softly, her eyes full to overflowing with that love.

"I love youa too Colleen," said Santo, starting to feel the panic welling up inside of him as it sounded alarmingly like she was saying goodbye to him, "But do nota speak, save youra strength my darling."

"Oh Santo," she breathed, "I'm sorry."

"Don't," said Santo with a fierce shake of his head, tears starting to run freely down his own face as he began to plead with her, "Don't youa leave me Colleen, don't youa dare!"

Colleen wished with all of her heart that she could do as he asked but knew it wasn't to be. She put up a hand to his face and with the last of her strength lifted herself up to kiss him one last time.

Santo felt Colleen press her lips to his and along with the sweet, unmistakable taste of her there was the taste of blood as well. Santo squeezed his eyes closed and kissed her back with the whole of his heart, letting her feel all of the great love he had for her and desperate at the thought that this would be the last time he ever knew her kiss. Colleen clung to him weakly but still Santo felt her trying to communicate with him the life time of moments they were meant to share but now was being denied of them in the cruellest way possible. Neither one wanted to let go but in the end Colleen had no choice and Santo tasted her last breath in their kiss. Santo felt her go limp in his arms; felt her leave him and he couldn't bear it. He crushed her to him, rocking back and forth now.

"Colleen no!" he sobbed, "Please no!"

But it was too late; his tears changed nothing as she left him behind, moving onto Paradise and leaving the rest of them to their own private Hell. Peter fell to his knees beside the two of them, his horrified gaze never leaving his daughter's now still face.

"C-Colleen," he stammered as he endured the most terrible of all fates in this world, out living your own child.

People who had lost spouses were called widowers and people who had lost both parents were called orphans but there was simply no word for a parent who had lost a child. The agony of such a thing was too much to be contained in a single word. The two men for a brief and excruciating moment were united in their all encompassing grief as they mourned the passing of a woman they both loved more than life itself.

oooOOOOooo

Sami stopped reading, her voice cracking with emotion as she read about Colleen's last moments and Santo's and Peter's anguish. It was too much, all the emotion of the letters and everything that she'd been dealing with for so long now just overcame her and she began to cry. Sobs wracked her body, her vision blurring with the hot tears that were now falling from her face and staining the letter she was still holding.

EJ didn't say a word; simply pulled her into his arms and held her tightly to him and Sami just let the tears come, leaning on him as she cried for the fate of the two lovers and the heart break that had befallen them both and for what the future would hold for herself and EJ. Sami cried until she had no more tears to shed and the whole time EJ just held her, pressing soft kisses to the top of her head and shared in her grief.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & NINE – What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

What ravages of spirit conjured this temptuous rage?
Created you a monster; broken by the rules of love
And fate has led you through it; you do what you have to do
And fate has led you through it; you do what you have to do

And I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go...

Every moment marked with apparitions of your soul
I'm ever swiftly moving trying to escape this desire
The yearning to be near you; I do what I have to do
The yearning to be near you; I do what I have to do

But I have the sense to recognize that I don't know how to let you go...
I don't know how to let you go...

A glowing ember; burning hot; burning slow
Deep within I'm shaken by the violence of existing for only you
I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do

I know I can't be with you; I do what I have to do

And I have sense to recognize but I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go
I don't know how to let you go

~Sarah McLachlan~

Both EJ and Sami sat in silence for a long time after reading the details of Colleen's last moments, Sami giving no indication that she wanted to leave the security of EJ's arms.

"Poor Santo," whispered EJ, his mind boggling at what it must have been like to lose the woman he loved so much.

"It's so sad," said Sami, her voice giving a little hiccup from the last of her spent tears, "What a horrible way for it to end. Her poor father, what must have he been going through to know that he in part caused his own daughter's death."

"It would be hard to comprehend," agreed EJ tightly although he couldn't help but blame the man for bringing the shotgun into the church in the first place.

If Peter Brady hadn't reacted so unreasonably to the news of Colleen and Santo becoming engaged in the first place things could have been so different. EJ tightened his hold on Sami, drawing her closer to him in an unconscious effort to keep her safe. He knew the Brady's were going to be a huge problem for them when Sami did finally admit to her love for him, which he was absolutely sure would be very soon and all EJ wanted to do was protect her from the fallout of choosing him over them.

His father had told him how the Brady's operated over the years, bullying and brow beating whoever to get their own way and it was apparent to EJ that didn't stop when it came to one of their own. No, after Sami had chosen him she was definitely going to need his protection from them. EJ contemplated taking Sami away from Salem once she was honest with herself and him about her feelings for him. No matter what happened though, EJ was determined to protect Sami and for her not to suffer the same fate of her great aunt. The thought of losing Sami that way was an unbearable one and EJ could only try and fathom the pain his grandfather must have gone through when he lost Colleen.

"No one is ever going to take you from me Samantha," he promised her grimly, bending his head and resting his cheek on top of her head, feeling the softness of her blonde hair against his skin.

Sami didn't answer him and the fact that she didn't refute his claim on her spoke volumes to EJ. She was so very close to admitting her love for him; EJ could feel it and he hoped that reading the letters had helped her understand that there was no time to waste in accepting the inevitable. Life was tenuous, hanging by a thread everyday would anyone stop to consider it and EJ didn't want them to waste anymore time. Each second of their future together was precious to him but by the same token he wanted Sami to be absolutely sure that she was choosing him with her whole heart because just like Santo and Colleen they had many challenges in front of them to overcome. They weren't going to turn out like their grandfather and great aunt; he was going to make sure of it.

"We should read the last letter," said Sami quietly, her voice a little muffled against his chest.

"We should," agreed EJ a little reluctant to let her go but straightening up anyway and sitting back in the driver's seat.

Sami silently handed him the last letter, a Santo one of course and they exchanged one last look, both bracing themselves for the heartache the letter was undoubtedly going to contain. EJ looked down at the letter in his hand and took a deep breath.

oooOOOOooo

Santo walked slowly into the church, the same church he'd stood with Colleen only the day before and couldn't help but stare at the spot on the stone floor that Colleen had fallen to the ground on, her life blood flowing out freely over the cold floor.

The paving stones that had been stained red with her blood had been scrubbed clean. So much so that the stone was actually a lighter colour than the surrounding pieces and the sight made Santo suddenly shake with anger, the first real feeling returning to him after twenty four hours of blessed numbness. It was as though they had tried to scrub his Colleen from existence and he couldn't bear the thought of that. He still had his blood stained clothes from where he'd held her as she breathed her last and as morbid as it sounded Santo couldn't bring himself to throw them away or even wash them.

It was all he had left of her now, of the future they'd dreamed of together – those darkening red stains on his coat and shirt and he couldn't bear to part with them. It was as though still having some small part of Colleen there before him, even if it was only her blood, maintained their link to one another and Santo could not bring himself to break that connection. Perhaps no one else would understand such a thing but Santo was a desperate man now, clinging helplessly to all that he had left of her.

On impulse he crouched down, placing his hand over the feverishly cleaned stones, just wanting to be near Colleen again in some way, wanting a sense of her presence. The stone was cold beneath his hand and it was a jarring feeling knowing that they had been warm only yesterday from the heat of Colleen's body as she'd lain dying on them. It was a stark reminder that Colleen's body would now be cold as well and the thought made Santo shudder. He hadn't wanted to leave her yesterday but they had made him. The thought that she was all alone somewhere in a funeral home had all but killed him.

All Santo wanted to do was be with her, to hold her again in his arms and feel her softness against him and keep her safe from harm. It was a strange thought seeing as Colleen was already dead but Santo couldn't help it, the need to comfort and protect her as strong as it had ever been during her life. His arms actually ached to be around her again and it was too terrifying a concept to think that would never happen now. He'd screamed in the shower for her, his tears mixing in with the shower spray, begging God to give him one last moment with her, one last time to take her into his embrace and hear his name on her lips. But his prayers had not been answered and he'd woken this morning to a lifetime of being without her stretching out before him, painfully long in length and utterly without hope.

He straightened up slowly and walked painfully down the rest of the aisle until he was at the altar. Santo suddenly felt like an old man, all the life drained out of him and everything he did now was an effort of mammoth proportions. Even his next breath seemed to be almost beyond his capacities. Santo looked around him, not even sure why he was here seeing as it was a place filled with so many painful memories. It also had wonderful ones though, ones he would treasure forever such as when Colleen accepting his marriage proposal, telling him she loved him and that she was pregnant with their child. Santo swallowed a groan at the thought of their lost baby but took small comfort in the fact that the baby and Colleen were together at least.

Santo had come here because he needed to be near Colleen in some way, in any way possible and the place he last held her in his arms had called to him, despite the agony of some of the memories. He sat down heavily in one of the chairs in front of the altar and closed his eyes, praying that this excruciating agony would be enough to kill him. Surely no person could endure this kind of pain and still yet live? He leant forward, his elbows on his knees as it seemed too much for him to sit up straight.

"Colleen," he whispered despondently in the stillness, her name a sad song upon his lips.

Suddenly there was a gentle touch on his right shoulder, light but sure. Santo let himself imagine it to be her touch and didn't immediately turn around, instead keeping his eyes tightly closed and enjoying the fantasy for a brief moment.

The person didn't speak and Santo wondered who it was that was offering him this silent comfort seeing as just about everyone in the village had him painted as the Devil himself thanks to Colleen's father. Santo reached out and placed his hand over the one on his shoulder, his own wordless thanks for the solace offered him when none other had been forth coming.

It seemed his grief was to count for nothing even though Santo knew he was the one who loved her best but it seemed at least his silent comforter understood that and he was grateful for the small mercy. The kindness of the person standing behind caused Santo to speak from his broken heart as he let down the tight guard he'd been keeping on his emotions in public.

"Colleen come hai potuto lasciarmi (Colleen how could you leave me)?" he asked in utter devastation, the words torn from deep within.

"I had no choice Santo."

The sound of her unmistakable, soft voice in his ear made Santo leap to his feet, turning around to face his comforter in open disbelief.

"Colleen!" he exclaimed, hardly able to believe his eyes but there she stood, just as he remembered her, there but not really.

There was a wispiness to her that told Santo that whatever he was seeing it wasn't real. Perhaps he'd conjured this apparition up out of his enormous grief and desperate need to see her again, Santo wasn't sure but all he could do was stare at her, all the questions he had for her dying on his lips. She smiled at him then and what a sweet smile it was and for the last time in his life Santo felt real joy stirring inside him at seeing it. Colleen's ghost or whatever it was turned slowly then and started to walk out of the church. Santo tried frantically to follow her but for the longest time he seemed to be rooted to the spot. When finally he could convince his legs to move Colleen was already out of the church.

Santo ran out of the church, looking around himself wildly and saw her standing in amongst some trees to one side of the church. Her pale luminosity called to him and Santo immediately hurried over to her, mesmerised by this vision before him, his heart pounding so wildly in his chest that he could barely hear over the sound of the blood rushing in his ears. He came to a halt in front of her and she looked up at him.

"Remember our love Santo," she asked of him, her eyes full of that same love as she looked at him adoringly but there was a pleading there as well.

"Always!" he promised her, frantic to make her stay, "Please Colleen, don't leavea me."

"I must Santo," she whispered, "It's not yet time fa us ta be together."

"When?" he asked her in anguish, "When can we bea together Colleen?"

"In God's good time," she said with a soft smile and to Santo's horror the apparition before him seemed to be getting fainter and he felt the panic well up in him.

He didn't know what this was but he didn't want it to end if it meant he could still have his Colleen in some way.

"Remember our love Santo," implored him quietly and then suddenly Santo was alone in the woods.

Utterly alone.

"Colleen!" he cried out, dropping to his knees and weeping inconsolably as he lost her yet again.

oooOOOOooo

EJ finished reading and carefully folded the letter back up and handed it to Sami. She took it and put it with the others.

"So I guess that is how the vendetta started then," said Sami quietly, "Santo went mad with grief."

"Don't you think he had a right to?" asked EJ, almost angrily, "Santo lost everything in that split second."

"He still had a wife and child," Sami reminded him grimly, "He wasn't left with nothing EJ."

"But he lost his heart to Colleen," said EJ, just as grimly, "And that changed the rest of his life."

"It changed everyone's life," said Sami unevenly, thinking of all the harm the vendetta had done to her family over the years.

"It wasn't only your family that suffered Samantha," said EJ tersely, "My father said his father was never the same again after all this happened. He turned from a loving, happy man into a man turning in on himself. He tried his best not to let it affect his relationship with his son but losing Colleen had simply destroyed him and he had nothing left to give to my father."

"Except hatred and a thirst for revenge," Sami reminded him coldly.

"We all have the potential to be monsters Samantha," EJ reminded her, giving her a pointed look, "Or do you need a reminder of your past deeds? Some might term some of them as monstrous but it came from a place of great passion and even greater pain. I won't judge my grandfather for what came out of this tragedy and the Brady's weren't exactly blameless either with it all I might add. Both sides had a role to play and should share the blame equally."

"The Brady's didn't carry on the feud all these years though!" Sami protested her family's innocence.

"Are you so very sure of that?" asked EJ intently, "You have your family's version of events just as I have mine. I'm going to hazard a guess that they are both very different and in all honestly the truth lies somewhere in between I'm sure. There was a lot of pain on both sides and that causes people to lash out. It's not right but it's understandable and I don't think finger pointing at this stage is going to resolve anything."

"So what is going to resolve this?" asked Sami in exasperation, hating to admit that he was right, "I mean, that is why we started all this, to find some way to end the fighting between our families. How do we fix this EJ?"

"I think we have to find a way for Colleen and Santo to find some peace," said EJ firmly.

"And how are we meant to do that EJ?" she asked him in defeat, "They are both dead!"

"Perhaps their love lives on?" suggested EJ, holding her gaze steadily, "Santo said that Colleen's ghost told him that it wasn't time for them yet. Maybe it is now."

"Don't start with that," said Sami tightly, already teetering on the brink of losing all control as her emotions ran riot.

"Don't you think that it is something a little bit more than coincidence that in the entire world we should find one another?" asked EJ throatily.

"Of course it was more than coincidence," said Sami tartly, "It was your father!"

"He didn't cause us to fall in love," said EJ knowingly.

"So what, we get together and somehow Santo and Colleen's love is finally recognised on some level in ours and then the vendetta is over?" asked Sami sharply, "Is that what you are telling me EJ?"

"I'm telling you that my father would consider the balance redressed yes," nodded EJ, "But I don't want us to be together for any other reason than the fact that we love each other deeply."

"Really?" she challenged him, "You're not going to hang ending the vendetta over my head to force me to choose you? Is that it EJ?"

"Let's call that my plan B in case I can't talk some sense into you and have you choose me of your own free will," said EJ with a half smile.

"Coercion and blackmail aren't love EJ," said Sami tersely.

"Maybe not for other people," he said; his smile widening teasingly.

"I'm not marrying you to end some crazy vendetta!" said Sami staunchly.

"No," agreed EJ easily, "Me either. I'm fully intending to marry you because I simply can't live without you. Ending the vendetta would just be a happy by product."

Sami shook her head, feeling hemmed in by EJ's great certainty about these things. It was hard not to become unravelled when he spoke of her marrying him as though it was already a done deal.

"I'm going to marry who I want, when I want!" she told him defiantly, "And it's going to be to a man I love!"

"I'm counting on it my darling," said EJ, looking away and hiding a little smile.

Somehow EJ's ready acceptance of her statement didn't make her feel any better...

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & TEN – The Last Goodbye

I guess when your heart gets broken you sort of start to see cracks in everything.

I'm convinced that tragedy wants to harden us and our mission is never to let it.

~Anonymous~

It was hours later and EJ had taken over the driving as Sami had been still too upset to really concentrate on it. She was sorting out all the letters, putting them back into chronological order, just for something to do really when she made a startling discovery.

"We missed one!" she said in surprise.

"Missed one what sweetheart?" asked EJ, distracted by his own thoughts about what had happened between Colleen and Santo as they drove along.

"A letter," she said, holding it up for EJ to see, "It's one from Santo and its post marked after Colleen's death. He must have written her one last letter, even though she was dead now."

Sami and EJ exchanged looks at that knowledge.

"You have to translate it," said Sami unsteadily, knowing she needed to hear it all now.

EJ nodded, obviously feeling the same need and pulled the car over to the side of the road and taking the letter from her began to translate it for them both.

oooOOOOooo

Santo slipped in the side door of the funeral home, hoping not to be seen. Today was the day of Colleen's funeral and he knew he would not be allowed to attend but he had to see her one last time. To say his goodbyes properly and privately, it was a painful thought but Santo knew it was something he simply had to do. Colleen's body was already in her coffin and ready for viewing by family and friends but Santo knew that wouldn't be for another hour so he was intent on spending that time with her before her family claimed her. The simple pine box lay stretched out on the table and with some considerable trepidation Santo walked up to it.

He longed to see her again but it was a bittersweet longing because he knew that this would be the last time but Santo was intent on etching every last detail of her on his memory because it would be all he had of her for the rest of his life. Walking up to her coffin he looked down at her and his breath was momentarily stolen from his body. She looked so peaceful, like she was only sleeping and Santo couldn't help but remember all the times he'd woken to find her lying just like that beside him. A painful lump came to his throat then as he knew he'd never have those blessed times with her again.

The mortician had done a good job with fixing Colleen for her viewing, her hair neatly combed and dressed in the same dress she'd worn to meet him on the night that he'd first kissed her. He touched the crisp cotton, freshly laundered and pressed and was glad this was the dress her father had chosen for her although he would no doubt be horrified as to the reason why. Santo moved his hand and placed it onto her arm and even though he'd expected it, the coldness of her flesh was shocking to him. Colleen had always been so full of life and warmth in his arms, to feel her so cold to his touch was beyond confronting. She looked so normal lying there, as though she was only sleeping but the coolness of her skin told him the awful truth. All that was Colleen was no longer contained within this shell. It was only a mocking reminder of all that had been taken from him in one fateful moment.

In his lowest moments Santo had to wonder if this was some kind of cruel and ironic joke being played on him for his lies to Colleen. He'd told her that his wife had died and he was free to be with her but it hadn't been true. Now it was Colleen who lay dead and it was more than Santo could bear. He'd fully intended telling Colleen the truth and divorcing Sophia as soon as they were out of Galway. Santo know Colleen would have been upset with him but somehow, deep inside, he also knew that she would have forgiven him. She loved him so much that she was willing to give up all that she knew to be with him and Santo was exactly the same so he knew she would have ultimately understood. The gnawing doubt clawed at him though that if he'd done things differently then maybe Colleen might still be alive.

"EJ?" Sami asked him quizzically when he stopped reading rather abruptly.

EJ looked back at her, feeling a cold fissure of dread run through him at Santo's words. He had this sudden fanciful thought that his grandfather was trying to warn him from beyond the grave to be perfectly honest with Sami about everything or risk losing her permanently. EJ shook off the frightening thought, unable to accept such a thing could ever happen to them. Just because things ended badly for Santo and Colleen it didn't mean that it was going to do the same for the two of them decided EJ stubbornly.

"Sorry," said EJ smoothly, "I thought I was going to sneeze."

Sami gave him a funny look at that explanation but EJ ignored it, going back to reading the letter.

Santo looked down at Colleen's still face and felt his eyes fill with hot, stinging tears.

"Colleen," he whispered achingly, resting shaking fingers against one cold cheek, "I ama lost without youa."

Santo hung his head, squeezing his eyes closed tightly as he fought to hold himself together.

"'Ow could youa have left me?" he asked her in despair, cupping her face now, "I would never 'ave left you my darling, never."

Santo knew that wasn't fair of him but he was too inconsolable in that moment to be fair. Colleen had left him to walk alone in this world and his heart was broken over that fact. It had come about from a selfless act on her behalf which only seemed to make the pain worse somehow. Colleen had died protecting him and Santo would never be able to forgive himself for letting that happened. He'd played that dreadful scene over and over again in his head and each time he'd moved faster, seen it coming, reacted differently and he always saved her - always. It didn't matter though, no matter how many times he saved her in his dreams he always woke to the same reality.

Colleen was dead and it took all of Santo's internal reserve of strength not to simply lie down beside her and breathe his last as well. If it were not for his son Santo didn't know if his heart could continue to beat. It was only the love for his beloved Stefano that gave him the will to go on. A fresh wave of grief ripped through him as his thoughts turned to their unborn child. Santo made a choked sound as he considered the shared fate of his unborn child with Colleen. He placed a hand over Colleen's stomach as she lay there in the simple wood coffin and remembered the last time he'd done that, when his heart had been so full of hope for the future and the woman he loved and the child she was carrying were warm and alive beneath his touch.

"Si sono reciprocamente per amore piccolo (you will have each other to love my little one)," he told their child adoringly, his last chance to speak to the baby he would never know on this earth, "Ho adorato il mio bambino dal primo momento ho saputo di voi (I adored you my child from the first moment I knew of you). Lo sono tuo padre e ci incontreremo di nuovo in paradiso e la mia gioia sarà complete (I am your father and we will meet again in Paradise and my joy will be complete)."

"What da hell are ya doin' here DiMera?!"

Peter Brady's angry demand came from behind Santo and he gritted his teeth, not ready to deal with the man who had come between himself and Colleen in the worst way possible.

"I am saying goodbye toa the woman I love," said Santo quietly, straightening up and turning around to face the older man, his face set in stone now.

"I'm sure it won't be bein' a problem for da likes of you Santo DiMera," said Peter bitterly, "Your own wife not yet cold in da ground and ya moved on ta da likes of an innocent girl like my Colleen. She'd promised herself ta God but you didn't care about dat now did ya? All ya wanted ta do was satisfy your heathen lusts! And I suppose now ya will be movin' on ta da next poor unsuspectin' girl!"

"I loved Colleen!" said Santo sharply, "I did not choose it toa be that way but we fella in love and therea will never be another fora me!"

"You corrupted an innocent country girl wit yoa smooth talkin' foreign ways," said Peter angrily, his face creased in anguished despair, "You only wanted ta add another notch ta ya belt!"

"Colleen was a smart woman," disagreed Santo tightly, "Shea knew 'er own 'eart and ina the end she chose to follow 'er 'eart."

"Doin' dat saw her dead!" raged Peter.

"No!" growled Santo, "You refusing toa let her go and fora her to be 'appy is what saw her dead! Youa never listened toa what she really wanted and whena she found the courage to stand up toa you, you killed her!"

Peter made a guttural sound, of a heart both breaking and one filled with a furious rage. He threw himself at Santo and pushed him up against the wall but this time Santo had no reason not to fight back, he'd already lost everything that mattered to him. Santo shoved him back, holding nothing back and Peter was caught off guard, falling to the ground. Santo's hand balled into a fist and the urge to simply take his pain and anguish out on the other man in the most direct way possible was near overwhelming but he managed to stop himself.

"I willa not dishonour Colleen's memory by fighting witha you here," said Santo curtly, watching as the other man scrambled to his feet, "I loved 'er too much to doa that."

"What do ya know of honour and love?!" spat out Peter angrily, still obviously in deep pain from his own loss and holding Santo responsible for it all.

"I 'ad a life time ofa love toa give Colleen and oura child," bit out Santo, his own indescribable hurt etched onto his face now as he called up a terrible vow of vengeance from deep within that pain, "But nowa Colleen takes alla of mya love toa the grave with her, killed by hera own father because he would not leta her be free. You 'ave stolen Colleen and our child froma me forever and I will nota rest until every Brady knows the suffering ofa loss like I doa."

"He shows his true colours now doesn't he?" sneered Peter, hatred for the younger man burning brightly in his eyes, "Colleen would still be alive and happy if ya had never come ta Galway. She's dead because she thought she loved ya but I tell ya dis – no Brady will ever love a DiMera!"

Peter then spat on the ground at Santo's feet, his lips curling in disgust as he glowered at the other man.

"I curse ya family and all who bear da DiMera name – you'll never know happiness while a Brady draws breath," he swore to him, "We'll dog ya family until ya name is wiped from da earth!"

Santo arched an uncaring eyebrow at his words.

"I do not wanta the Brady's dead," said Santo coldly, letting the other man's threats roll off him effortlessly, "Why shoulda they 'ave the peace I will never know?! The DiMera's ara indomitable, we shalla continue on longa after the Brady's havea all died out! This I willa make sure of! The Brady's willa know no peace until thisa injustice hasa been made right!"

Santo looked down at Colleen then; laid out so beautifully in her coffin and swallowed the sudden lump in his throat as he seemed to momentarily forget about the existence of the other man.

"Saremo di nuovo insieme uno giorno il mio amore (we will be together again one day my love)," he told her achingly, bending down and pressing a kiss to her cold forehead as her father bristled, "Attendere per me sono i prossimi a voi la mia cara ragazza (wait for me, I am coming for you my darling girl)."

"Don't touch her!" he raged at seeing the intimate sight, a last goodbye between two lovers.

Peter went to pull Santo away from Colleen and this just angered Santo even more at not being allowed even to say goodbye properly. This man had taken everything from him but there seemed no end to how much more he wanted. Santo jerked his arm out of Peter's grasp, all the light and emotion draining out of his eyes as he regarded the other man with a coldness never seen before.

"Just remember," he told him, Santo's eyes cold and black, "It wasa you whoa started this. Your hatred anda intolerance will bring about thea ruin ofa your entire family."

"No!" said Peter angrily, "It was a DiMera dat killed my daughter! She'd still be a happy lass wit her whole life in front of her if you hadn't gotten ya dirty hands on her! Colleen's blood isa on your hands Santo DiMera and God will punish ya for ya crimes!"

Santo looked at him in disgust for refusing to see the truth of things but his ignorance didn't garner him any pity from Santo. This Brady had caused him to lose everything and there would be no forgiveness for such an evil act.

"God cannota punish me anymore," he said emotionlessly, "I have nothing else to lose so let Him do hisa worse. But God knew of the love Colleen and I shared and he will allow me mya vengeance, this I know! There willa be no peace between oura families until Colleen and mine's love hasa been realised!"

The two men glared at each other, their hatred filling the small room to overflowing. Words had been spoken that could not easily be taken back, battle lines had been drawn and so the war had begun.

oooOOOOooo

"Sounds like to me Peter and Santo had an equal hand in starting the vendetta," commented EJ when he was done reading.

Sami didn't answer, not liking that synopsis of the situation but finding it hard to refute after that letter.

"We should get going," she said dully, emotionally exhausted from all that the letters had revealed and needing time to think it all over and work out what it all really meant, "I'd like to get to Salem by this afternoon if we can."

EJ looked like he wanted to say a great deal more about the letters but for some reason seemed to think better of it and Sami was very grateful for that. His assertion that only they could end the vendetta was an unnerving one, especially as the last letter seemed to confirm that with Santo's last words. Santo had wanted to make a life for himself and Colleen but it had been denied to him and as much as Sami might want to deny it there was a definite connection between her and EJ and the tragic lovers.

It started with their uncanny physical resemblance to them but it certainly didn't end there. So many things about their story were echoes of Colleen and Santo's and now knowing the whole story it was impossible for Sami to deny that any longer. Several hours later Sami was looking out the window, lost in her thoughts and trying to make sense of all that she knew while EJ thankfully left her alone. She wasn't sure why he wasn't pressing her on this new development but she was just grateful that she didn't have to give him any answers right then. Suddenly she heard a strange noise coming from the motor and then the feeling of the car slowing down.

"What's happening?" she asked, sitting up straighter in her chair and looking at EJ with a frown.

She watched as he fiddled with a few knobs without answering her right away and the whole time the car was slowing down.

All of a sudden Sami had a very bad feeling about all this...

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & ELEVEN – Chitty Chitty Bang Bang

Mishaps are like knives that either serve us or cut us,

As we grasp them by the blade or the handle.

~James Russell Lowell~

"EJ," said Sami again, sound rather tense now, "What is happening?!"

"Well I'm no expert," said EJ, his lips pursed as he guided the car with the now dead engine towards the side of the road, "But I'd say the engine has conked out."

"What does that mean?" asked Sami in aggravation as they glided to a stop beside the road.

"It's a technical term which means that the engine has stopped," said EJ straight faced.

"I know what it means," said Sami, annoyed by his teasing, "I can hear the engine has stopped EJ, what I'm asking is why!"

"I'm going to hazard a guess it's because something is wrong with it," mused EJ, undoing his seat belt and getting out of the car.

He looked back down at Sami and the way she was staring ahead, her lips twisted in annoyance.

"What are you doing?" he asked in amusement, seeing her concentrated expression.

"Suppressing the urge to kill you," said Sami under her breath.

"Did you say 'contemplating ways to thrill me'?" asked EJ innocently, "Because if that is the case I've got quite a few suggestions to get you started."

"I've got a suggestion EJ," said Sami, looking up at him in ire, "Why don't you shove your head up your-"

"Now, now," tutted EJ with a smirk, "I'm planning on kissing those lips very soon so try and keep the potty talk to a minimum eh?"

"You're not going to kiss me soon or later for that matter!" said Sami defiantly, hoping that she could continue to make good on that promise but she had her doubts.

Mind you EJ made it easy when he was being this annoying.

"I'm more of the opinion that you'll be kissing me sooner or later," said EJ blithely, twisting her words ever so slightly to good effect, "And I can be patient when I have to."

"Can you be a mechanic when you have to?" asked Sami flatly, intent on steering this conversation into safer waters.

"We'll see hm?" he said with a smile, popping the hood and starting to poke around underneath it.

"Well?" asked Sami impatiently after less than minute.

"Well," said EJ calmly as he put the hood back down and looked over at Sami, "I think I'm going to need a few tools to get this done."

"Well don't look at me!" said Sami in exasperation, "All I've got is a nail file!"

"I was thinking more about that gas station we passed a little way back down the road," commented EJ in amusement.

"But it looked closed," said Sami with a frown.

"There was a house next to it," commented EJ, "Perhaps someone is home and I can borrow their tools."

"Alright," said Sami unhappily, not really having any other option, "So how are we going to get there exactly?"

"Well I thought one of us would push the car and the other would steer seeing as it's only probably half a mile or so back," said EJ easily and gave her an impish look, "So shall we flip for it sweetheart as to who does what?"

Sami flipped him something at that comment and it certainly wasn't a coin.

"I'm rather thinking that finger gesture indicates that I lost the toss," said EJ dryly.

"Like you even needed to ask EJ," said Sami, unimpressed with his idea of a joke.

EJ gave a mock despondent sigh as Sami got into the driver's seat, walking around to the back of the car.

"All set?" he called to her.

"Yes."

EJ pushed as hard as he could on the boot of the car but it didn't budge an inch. He stopped in his exertions and not moving from where he was leaning against the car, both hands on the boot he called out to Sami again.

"Samantha be a love and release the hand brake will you?" he asked her calmly.

"Oh," she said, a little embarrassed that she hadn't noticed and quickly complied.

Fifteen minutes later EJ had pushed them back to the gas station of which there was still clearly no one in attendance so he kept pushing until they were at the house next door. He straightened up, dusting his hands together and looking up at the house.

"Hello!" he called out but there was no answer so he went up and knocked on the door but there was still no answer.

He looked back at Sami and gave a lopsided smile.

"No one's home," he observed.

"When did you develop this need to point out the completely obvious?" asked Sami flatly as she looked up at him from the driver's seat of the car.

"I'm just keeping you in the loop sweetheart," he said with an unconcerned smile, "Just pop the hood again will you and I'll see if I can work my magic."

Sami did as he instructed and then got out of the car and walked around to look down at the mystery that was a car engine.

"So can you fix it?" she prompted him as EJ began to pull and press on different parts of the engine.

"If you rush the miracle worker you get a lousy miracle my love," said EJ easily as he looked up at her, a smear of dirt already on his cheek already.

"What do I get if I threaten the miracle worker with a severe beating?" asked Sami flatly, not thrilled by these latest turn of events.

EJ straightened up and walked around to the other side of the bonnet, pausing briefly to give his answer to that into her ear.

"One very aroused miracle worker," he purred, his lips against her ear and Sami pulled away and tried to frown up at him but EJ had already stuck his head back under the hood and had returned to his tinkering.

"Is there any way you'll ever stop being so disgusting?" asked Sami with some ire, trying not to let his words affect her.

"God I hope not," said EJ cheerfully, "Here I need your help."

EJ directed her towards a bunch of wires that he was working around.

"Just hold them out of the way for me would you sweetheart?" he asked distractedly as he began to work under them and Sami had no real choice but to comply.

"You know we are only about an hour of Salem," she informed him, "We could probably call the car rental company and get them to send someone to fix it or even a new car."

"I may be able to fix it in half the time it takes to do all that," said EJ calmly, "Just let me try a couple of things."

"Men," said Sami with a shake of her head, "Why will they never ask for help?"

"Because I don't need it," retuned EJ casually.

"Yeah right," said Sami with a roll of her eyes but then her cell phone rang and she dug it out from her purse and answered it while still holding onto the wires EJ had asked her to, "Hello?"

"Hey Sami," said a familiar voice.

"Oh hi," she said and then felt suddenly very guilty because she'd barely given him a second thought in the last couple of days as she and EJ had gotten more deeply into the letters.

"So you can't be far away by now," he said, "When should I be expecting you? I thought we might go out to dinner and celebrate your return."

Sami pulled a face, knowing that Lucas wasn't going to be happy about what she was about to say.

"We've encountered some technical difficulties," admitted Sami reluctantly and looked down at the top of EJ's head as he fiddled away at the mysteries of what lay under a car's hood.

"Is that Lucas?" asked EJ brightly, looking up at her and smiling, "Tell him that we are not far away. Oh and tell him that I've missed him terribly and for him to slip into something more comfortable because we've got some major cuddling time to make up for when I get back."

Sami just glared at him for that and he grinned back unapologetically.

"Is that guy ever not a smart ass?" asked Lucas sourly, hearing everything EJ had just said and was unimpressed.

"No," said Sami flatly, still glaring at EJ for trying to stir Lucas up yet again.

"Here hold this," instructed EJ blithely, directing Sami's hand to a hose pipe now that he seemed to be currently working around.

Sami complied absently as Lucas kept talking in her ear.

"So how much longer is this technical difficulty going to take?" asked Lucas unhappily.

"How much longer EJ?" she asked him.

"About as long as a piece of string," he answered distractedly, tinkering with the connection to the hose pipe Sami was holding.

"He has no idea," said Sami reported back with a roll of her eyes.

"I thought he was some big shot car expert?" said Lucas in annoyance.

"Move your hand a little lower sweetheart," EJ directed her and Sami complied without thinking.

"Apparently he's all show and no go," said Sami and smiled sweetly at EJ who arched an eyebrow at her for that effort.

"A little lower," he said instead of answering her dig and Sami once again moved her hand along the hose.

"I bet this is another trick," said Lucas in aggravation.

"That thought occurred," agreed Sami dourly, throwing EJ a suspicious look, "But there was smoke coming out of the engine."

"Lower," said EJ and Sami moved her hand on the hose pipe accordingly, "Oh that's it, right there sweetheart."

"He could have faked that," said Lucas knowingly, "Poured some oil on the fan belt or something and when it heated up it began to smoke."

"And just a little tighter," EJ urged her.

"But now the car has stopped altogether," complained Sami, absently continuing to do as EJ instructed her without thinking about it, "So if it was a trick then it backfired on him."

"Oh yes that's it," said EJ in the background, his voice verging on a breathy groan, "Just like that, you know how I like it, don't stop sweetheart, just a little longer-"

Sami jerked her hand away in horror at EJ's excited carry on and glared death at him for his ribald teasing.

"What the hell has that guy got you holding exactly Sami?!" asked Lucas in jealous horror because he'd been able to hear everything EJ had been saying which of course had been his intent.

"Nothing!" said Sami defensively and scowling at EJ fiercely who was chuckling unrepentantly away to himself, finding his little ruse very entertaining, "EJ's just being an idiot-"

Sami slapped EJ's arm then, her eyes promising him this wasn't over with as she moved away from the car to continue her conversation with Lucas without EJ's constant interferences.

"As usual," she said in annoyance.

"I'm sick of him always being around you Sami," said Lucas angrily.

"It's not my fault he lives across the hall from us," said Sami defensively.

"Well we'll be moving soon enough," said Lucas tightly.

"Oh," said Sami, taken aback by that comment.

She'd forgotten entirely that before she had left for LA that she and Lucas had been looking for a new apartment on her insistence. It seemed like a life time ago now and the thought of being separated from EJ caused a sudden pain in her heart.

"And while we're at it I think you should consider getting a new job," Lucas continued on.

"What!" exclaimed Sami, her frown deepening at that, "I can't do that Lucas!"

"I know you like the job and everything Sami," said Lucas earnestly, "But is it really worth putting up with EJ being everywhere you turn?"

"I'll sort it out when I get home," she said, having no idea how she could do that seeing as what she should do and what she wanted to do were two entirely different things, "Just leave it for now Lucas."

"Is Lucas having trouble with those kiddie proof lids again?" asked EJ with a smirk, "Or did you just put the lolly jar up on the highest shelf and he can't reach it? Tell him not to climb up on top of things to get to it – that's a big boy job."

"You tell that smug son of a bitch that-"

Sami winced as she got an earful on EJ's behalf which probably wasn't quite what Lucas was going for but it didn't seem to stop him. After Sami had calmed him down a bit and reassured him that they couldn't be that much longer she finally managed to get off the phone to the still disgruntled Lucas.

"Lucas is upset," said Sami, sounding distressed herself as she stated the obvious.

"When isn't Lucas upset?" EJ posed the question with a roll of his eyes, "He's like a Chihuahua with diarrhoea – he's always got the shits."

"Do you mind?" asked Sami tensely.

"I do actually, thanks for asking," said EJ giving her a pointed look, "I think it's time you put that little yappy dog out of his misery."

"Shut up EJ," said Sami tightly, not really wanting his take on the situation despite how freely he volunteered it.

"Yes Samantha," he said with a quirk of his lips, "But can I just say your come backs on the subject aren't what they used to be."

Sami scowled at him for that little observation but couldn't argue with him.

[center]ooooOOOOooo[/center]

Half an hour later EJ was still working on the car and becoming more convinced that the problem was going to require a few more tools and spare parts then he had access to. He glanced over at Sami who was pacing up and down in a display of impatience and pursed his lips. She saw him looking at him and sent him a deeply suspicious look, clearly suspecting him of having orchestrated all of this.

The funny thing was that EJ actually hadn't organised any of this. The car had just broken down of its own accord. Of course it was a little tricky to try and convince Sami of that fact after the back incident so EJ hadn't even tried. Suddenly he had a new appreciation and sympathy for the boy who had cried wolf.

"You did this didn't you?!" she accused him, as though she could read his thoughts.

"No," said EJ calmly, not even bothering to look up from what he was doing.

"Liar!" she accused him, "This is just another trick to delay us getting back to Salem."

"Actually it's not," he said easily, straightening up and looking at her, "I want us to get back to Salem."

"You do?" she asked him in disbelief.

"Yes," he said evenly, "You need to sort a few things out and then you might actually give yourself permission to be happy for a change."

"And what is that supposed to mean?" she challenged him, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

"It means you don't seem to think you deserve to be happy and therefore you force yourself to settle, thinking that is a good trade off for all of your supposed past crimes," said EJ coolly, "Perhaps if you dealt with a few more things in your life Samantha you might feel better about yourself and I think that process needs to start in Salem."

"How am I meant to feel EJ?" she asked him in aggravation and then cutting to the heart of the matter, "I've become the one things I said I'd never be, a cheater!"

EJ looked at her steadily, resting a hip against the car.

"I forgive you," he said simply.

"What?" Sami frowned in confusion.

"I forgive you for cheating on me with Lucas," he said evenly, even though there was definite emotion in his voice.

"Lucas is the one I'm cheating on!" exclaimed Sami in horror, "Not you!"

"Sweetheart even you can't believe that," said EJ with a tinge of annoyance in his voice as he straightened up and walked over to her, "We are the real relationship, we are what you think about every minute of every day and it is my bed you get out of every time to go crawling back to Lucas. So don't tell me that Lucas is the hard done by party here because he isn't."

"You can't be serious EJ!" she said in disbelief and EJ could see that she'd never considered things from this angle before.

"Tell me we're not the real thing and Lucas is the fantasy," he urged her, putting his face level with hers and determined to get her to admit the truth out loud, "Tell me that on some level you have to understand that it is me you are cheating on when you keep going back to him even though you haven't made love to him since the night of his accident at the cabin."

"You don't know that!" she said fiercely, obviously intent on debunking his theory.

"I know it would kill you to sleep with two men at the same time," said EJ, not backing down, "It is never just sex with you Samantha, you give your whole self over to that person and it isn't in you to be able to do that with two men at the same time."

"It doesn't make it right what I'm doing though!" she said, in real distress now.

"I couldn't agree more," said EJ steadily, "So end it with Lucas once and for all Samantha. I think I have been more than patient with you over these last few months but you have to make a decision and stand by it."

"You make it sound very simple," she said bitingly, glaring up at him.

"It is simple if you would but acknowledge it," said EJ, looking at her intently, "Sweetheart you've already made the decision and you remake it every time you come willingly to my bed. You're heart has chosen me and now it is time for you to stop all this foolishness and admit the truth about the way you feel about me."

"Who the hell do you think you are?!" she asked him angrily.

"I'm the man who loves you more than life itself," said EJ unapologetically, "Who wants for you to be happy."

"If you wanted me to be happy you would have left me alone!" said Sami emotionally.

"Come now sweetheart," said EJ mockingly, "You don't really expect me to believe that now do you? Being with me has been the single most thrilling time of your life and if you would only let go of that last bit of stubborn resistance it would be even better."

"You smug, cocky, disgusting-"

EJ sighed as he Sami started on what was evidently going to be a long list but he didn't care. When she was done he was going to get her to admit that she loved him or die trying so EJ waited patiently for her to finish and then he determinedly faced off against her.

"Now it's my turn," he said tersely walking up to her and towering over her, "Let's make a few things absolutely clear shall we sweetheart...?"

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & TWELVE – The Parting of Ways

This is all you have.

This is not a dry run.

This is your life.

If you want to fritter it away with your fears,

Then you will fritter it away

But you won't get it back later.

Laura Schlessinger

"Where are you going?" asked EJ in exasperation as he ran down the track after her.

The dirt track started from the back of the house and wound down between fields of wheat that looked just about ready to harvest. Their conversation had deteriorated pretty quickly after EJ decided that he was going to get Sami to admit that she loved him once and for all. Rather predictably Sami had stormed off. EJ didn't know why he was surprised but she didn't seem to have any real plan to her storming off though as she headed down between the wheat fields and into more fields.

"Away from you!" she yelled back over her shoulder, "I'll walk back to Salem if I have to!"

"Well you're going the wrong way sweetheart," he informed her mockingly as he had almost caught her up, "Unless you're planning to get back to Salem via Alaska of course."

"Leave me alone EJ!" she snapped at him.

"But it's going to rain," EJ tried to reason with her.

Right on cue there was a loud clap of thunder and the increasingly grey skies began to spit out its bounty.

"Leave me alone!" said Sami again, still intent on marching away from him and not seeming to care about the rain that was now starting to fall.

"You're going to get wet," he warned her.

Sami whirled around and glared at him furiously.

"Anything is better than listening to you rant on like an idiot!" she snapped at him.

"So I'm suddenly an idiot when I give you some unwelcome home truths am I?" asked EJ, unimpressed with her attempt to make out like he was the one with the problem.

"Home truths according to you EJ!" she bit out.

"I'm sorry if it upsets your little fantasy world to consider the fact that you and I are in a very real relationship while you and Lucas are playing house at best," said EJ tersely, "And I'm sorry if you don't like the implications of Colleen and Santo relationship on our own but at some point you are just going to have to deal!"

"I've been dealing with what happened to Colleen and Santo my entire life!" yelled Sami, looking really distressed now, "Santo started that vendetta to get revenge and my family has been paying ever since!"

"He'd had his whole world taken from him by a Brady!" said EJ in angry defence of his grandfather, knowing he would have done the exact same thing if it had been Sami.

"It was an accident!" Sami defended her great grandfather heatedly, "Peter Brady didn't shoot Colleen, she tried to grab the gun from him and it went off!"

"A gun he brought into a church," EJ said grimly, "One way or the other Peter Brady was going to stop Santo and Colleen from being together, he intended for someone to die but it was just the wrong someone!"

"He was upset!" Sami protested, "It had been a shock for him to discover all these things at once EJ! He thought he was protecting Colleen!"

"And instead he killed her," said EJ tightly, "And your family is doing the exact same thing to you by making you ashamed of everything you are instead of rejoicing in it! Don't you want to be free of all that false expectations and conditional love Samantha?"

"You don't know the first thing about my family!" said Sami angrily, "Don't you dare presume to know them!"

"I know them by looking at you and the way you twist yourself into all these shapes just to please them!" said EJ unrepentantly, "At least Colleen saw what was happening to her and had the courage to be honest with herself! If you want to model yourself on anyone in your family sweetheart I suggest starting with your great aunt rather than the rest of your controlling and pious family!"

"Shut up, shut up, shut UP!" she yelled at him as he held her wrists, easily holding her at bay as they struggled, "I don't want to hear this! I don't want to talk to you EJ!"

"Then don't!" he ground out, putting his arms around her while still holding onto Sami's wrist's and restraining her, done with this constant talking in circles, "You can feel instead!"

EJ bent his head to kiss her but Sami squirmed defiantly away. She pulled away from him as best she could; kicking out at him and EJ lost his footing on the wet, muddy soil and felt himself beginning to fall. He tried desperately to turn them so he wouldn't fall on top of Sami, attempting to make it happen the other way round. EJ succeeded in a manner of speaking with them landing with them landing on the wet ground with a rush of air from both of their lungs, Sami half falling over the top of him, with EJ on his back now. His lower back gave a little twinge of annoyance at the imposition but EJ was much more focused on the woman on top of him who was trying to get free of his hold on her.

To restrain her further EJ simply reversed their positions, rolling over so she was under him now and he allowed a fair amount of his weight to bear down on her to keep Sami in place. Sami wasn't making this easy for him though as she struggled mightily against him. She writhed and bucked under him, intent on getting away from him, all the while threatening him with physical body harm unless he let her go. EJ barely heard her though as her body worked its usual magic on him.

"Oh god yes," he groaned, closing his eyes against the pleasure her squirming body was giving him, her softness continually rubbing and bucking against every hard plane of his and only adding to the sensation of the pelting rain on his back, "God but that feels good, don't stop sweetheart!"

"You pig!" panted Sami, immediately stopping as she saw and felt how aroused he was becoming.

But EJ wasn't letting her play the role of outraged maid right then.

"Let's see if I'm the only one enjoying this eh?" EJ challenged her, a predatory look in his eye.

He managed to grab both her wrists in one hand and stretch them over her head, holding her in place with his body as his other hand deftly undid her pants button and zipper and slipped his hands down the front of her panties. She bucked up as he found her core, dripping wet and unbearably hot.

"Oh yes," EJ hissed excitedly, "You love this as much as I do sweetheart."

"It's the rain!" she threw back at him defiantly, even while she blushed a bright red but unable to admit defeat and attempted to explain the wetness he'd just found.

EJ arched a challenging eyebrow at her for that and immediately dipped two of his fingers deep into her core and making Sami arch her back helplessly as he plundered her depths. He withdrew his fingers then and still holding her in place with her arms stretched out over her head and his leg thrown over her lower body EJ placed one of his fingers, coated in her own juices to his lips. His eyes silently commanded her to watch him and to his intense pleasure Sami seemed to be in his thrall now as he took his index finger into his mouth and suckled the taste of her from it. When he was done EJ slowly licked his lips, a hungry look in his eyes as he savoured the taste of her arousal in his mouth.

"Rain never tasted so sweet," he growled and to prove his point EJ now placed his middle finger against Sami's lips, rubbing it back and forth in a silent demand for her to taste herself.

Sami's lips parted and EJ felt himself harden even more as she took his finger into her mouth and then he felt her hot tongue lapping at her own goodness, holding his gaze unblinkingly as she did. EJ needed to be inside her instantly at the sight of that and his great need for her made him release her wrists and begin to unbutton her blouse with eager hands. Sami pushed against his chest and for one horrifying minute EJ thought she might be trying to push him off her, rejecting him but instead she rolled them over so that she was on top of him. Sami then began to tear at his clothes and EJ groaned in relief, sitting up a bit and doing the same, his hands going to her blouse even as he began to hungrily lick off the water droplets from her chest.

It was a flurry of hands but eventually they were both naked, in a field, in the rain and knowing nothing beyond each other.

"God but I've never wanted a woman like the way I want you," confessed EJ helplessly as he looked up at her rain soaked countenance, her naked body slick with the water from the heavens.

EJ couldn't imagine ever desiring another woman again, she was all he saw, all he ever wanted to see and even though Sami wouldn't admit it, she was his.

"I know," she moaned, just as helplessly and then raised herself up on her knees before sinking down on his rigid length, making them both cry out.

EJ gritted his teeth and arched his back at the sensation of being enveloped in her heat, encased in her tightness once again. His hands went to her hips to begin to move her up and down on him but Sami was in control, already beginning to do just that. She was riding him so fiercely EJ was almost immediately battling to fend off his climax, not wanting it to end so quickly but it was a losing battle. Their fighting always guaranteed that he was more than primed for an explosive ending and this time was no different. The amazing sight of Sami's soaked body astride him, her face twisted in her own delight and her glorious breasts bouncing enticingly with her every move was too much for EJ. He reached out his hands to cup her breasts and at the feeling of their full weightiness in his hands he immediately began to climax, feeling Sami do the same. They both screamed out their mutual release into the storm raging around them, their climaxes short and sharp but very intense.

Sami's hands went to EJ's that were still gripping her breasts tightly and encircled his wrists, almost using him to hold herself upright as her head lolled to one side, eyes half closed as her muscles went limp from the after affects of her orgasm. EJ wasn't done yet though. His release had been too quick to be truly satisfied and he knew Sami must be the same. He wanted more and he knew Sami was going to be more than willing to give it to him. Sami opened her eyes fully when she felt one of his hands leave her breast and slip between their bodies. She was still straddling him but EJ easily found her swollen nub with his fingers. Sami gasped and looked at him wide eyed and jerked as he touched the highly sensitized peak.

"EJ!" she gasped, at the painful bolt of pleasure he'd caused her just by a simple touch.

"Shh," he quieted her compliant unevenly, "You want this, don't you sweetheart?"

EJ began to slowly rub on the distended flesh, making Sami shuddered helplessly against him.

"Yes!" she moaned in answer to his question, gasping as he easily made her orgasm yet again.

EJ felt her convulse around him, loving that he could get her that ready so quickly but he was far from done with her yet. He picked up his speed, massaging her harder now and determined to wring a lot more from Sami's body before he had finished with her.

"EJ don't!" she protested breathlessly, "I can't, it's too much... ooOOHHHH!"

EJ gritted his teeth in satisfaction as she came once again for him, making a mockery of her own protests.

"Oh god!" she panted weakly when she was done, her hands going to his chest and using it to steady herself after that last release.

"That felt good didn't it sweetheart?" he asked her, his voice rough with his own arousal.

She mutely nodded her head, unable to speak right then.

"I think you want more though," he growled, resuming his stimulation of her.

"EJ NO!" she gasped in delighted horror as he began working on her body yet again, "Oh god, it hurts so much...!"

EJ knew what she meant, too much pleasure piled up on top of one another drove your senses into a frenzy so you no longer knew if it was pleasure or pain that you were feeling. She'd done it to him on so many occasions that he'd lost count and EJ knew that as much as his body might complain about it the intensity of his releases always made it worth his while. He knew Sami felt the same despite her current protests and was determined to give her so much pleasure that she would be begging him never to leave her body again. He latched onto one of her breasts with his mouth, suckling hard on one nipple and making her squeal while his free hand began to pull on her other peak, knowing how she liked it. He squeezed the nub between her legs tightly as he played roughly with her breasts, making her squirm about in delighted pleasure on him and restoring his hard on to its former glory the whole time. He eventually tore his mouth from her breast, pulling on the teat hard as he did and looked up at Sami.

"Come for me Samantha," he ordered her roughly and released the hold he had on her nub.

Blood coursed back into the little peak and Sami shrieked loudly and immediately did as he commanded, unable to help herself. EJ watched in excited satisfaction as she obeyed him, knowing he was the one who currently had control over her body and no one else. It was a heady feeling of power and humbling adoration to think that this shining creature was all his for the taking. He feasted on her body then, finding every one of her erogenous zones and exploiting them shameless as Sami had no choice but to climax again and again under his skilled hands and mouth. The whole time EJ could feel himself getting harder and thicker inside of her, even more aroused then before as her begging cries for mercy and her spasming body drove him close to his own peak.

At last Sami couldn't even plead with him anymore as he continued mercilessly arousing her to orgasm after orgasm, instead only whimpering helplessly during each one of her releases. EJ knew she was utterly his now and the knowledge was his undoing. She fought him about everything and he just needed her to give herself to him completely in that moment, with no hesitation. EJ rolled them over so that he was on top now, immediately moving her legs up over his shoulder and penetrating her as deeply as he could now that she was spread out below him. EJ loved the way Sami squealed at the sensation, grabbing at his shoulders and throwing her head back.

"Oh god yes!" she cried out in between her sobs and he could see the amazement in her eyes that she could still be feeling even more pleasure after all that he'd put her body through.

"I need you Samantha!" he told her, his eyes full of desperation as his own arousal reached a point where EJ knew he could no longer control himself.

"Then take me EJ," she implored him breathlessly, "I want you to take me."

EJ gave an excited groan at her words, drawing himself all the way out of her only to slam himself home once again and making them both moan.

"Like that?" he growled down at her, "Is that what you want me to do sweetheart?"

"You know it is," she panted, her eyes full of feminine knowing, "I need you to come inside of me EJ, I need it so badly."

EJ whimpered to hear her confession, his hips beginning to move of their own accord at hearing that as he began to claim her fiercely.

"Oohh yes EJ!" she said excitedly, "That's just what I want, don't stop!"

She was talking him into a frenzy; each time he penetrated her fully she would bear down hard on his aching member, making him grunt out in pained appreciation of her efforts before he'd pull out of her almost totally as she encouraged him back into her all the time with pleas for him to go harder and faster, to never stop filling her with his maleness. In the end it was almost an out of body experience for EJ as he frantically drove himself repeatedly into her, desperate to find his own release. Tiny fissures of pleasure were overtaking his entire body even while his body continued to labour to find his ultimate release. He could hear someone in the distance grunting and moaning wildly and assumed it was him but all he could hear was the sound of Sami's body receiving him effortlessly time and time again and her breathy words of encouragement for him to give her more of the same.

"Oh god!" he heard Sami moan, her neck arching, "Oh god you're going to make me come again!"

He could hear the amazement in her voice with good reason, she'd climaxed so many times before then that even EJ didn't think he could get her to come once more but the knowledge that she was about to climax again for him was enough to drive EJ over the edge. He felt the painful tightening of his balls and then he was more than exploding inside of her, it was almost volcanic in nature his eruption and EJ fought with all his might not to black out because he didn't want to miss out on one second of this inexplicable ecstasy that was rioting through his body. He howled mightily as he pumped his scorching hot seed into her receptive body, adoring her for the way she was helping to milk him dry with her energetic convulsing of her walls.

EJ's orgasm went on forever, the longest he'd ever had, he just couldn't seem to stop. The whole time Sami was still coaxing him on, begging him to never stop and EJ was beginning to think he might actually grant her that wish as he continued to convulse helplessly inside of her, every muscle in his body involved in his orgasm so that he could swear even his teeth were writhing in delight. At last, after what felt like hours EJ was done, utterly spent and he collapsed down on Sami, her legs still against his shoulders, her knees still pressed to her chest. She didn't complain though, instead running her hands over his sweaty face and through his hair.

"You're so beautiful when you come," she said unevenly.

EJ groaned to hear that, pressing a kiss to the palm of the hand that was stroking his face.

"I can't move," he said faintly.

"I don't want you to," she told him huskily and EJ gave a groan of relief at that, burying his sweaty face in her naked shoulder, hoping that some strength would return to his body at some point.

After a few moments EJ felt Sami's hands slip between their bodies and to his surprise EJ felt her begin to play with her own nub. He'd had no idea if Sami had come during his climax, just assuming that she had but apparently she hadn't. The thought of her stimulating herself while he was still recovering inside her from his own climax made EJ give a grunt of approving pleasure. He heard her breathing become uneven, knew she was quickly returning to the height of her own arousal and was only sad that he couldn't join her right then. EJ cupped her breast with one tired hand, rolling her nipple between this thumb and forefinger and it immediately tightened obediently for him. Sami gave a little approving moan at his ministrations so EJ now attached himself to that hardened peak, suckling gently and helping her get there as well. Sami went suddenly rigid under him as she enjoyed her latest climax. Her legs slipped from his shoulders as she convulsed gently around him and EJ used the last of his strength to roll them on their side so they could both recuperate from that marathon session.

oooOOOOooo

"How much longer Samantha?" asked EJ a little grimly as they walked back to the car, the rain still falling but more lightly now.

After their explosive coupling they had lain there in the wet field for a long moment until Sami rather abruptly got up and quickly got dressed and had started back to the car. EJ had followed suit and now she was slightly ahead of him, small shoulders set rigidly as she walked along.

"Every time it is the same," he informed her back, knowing that she was listening to him even though she wasn't acknowledging it, "We get closer and then you run away."

Sami just continued to walk determinedly back down the track they'd come up, heading back to the house and their car that was parked in front of it.

"I'm sick to death of watching you always walking away from me Samantha," EJ told her in real frustration, "I'm not going to stand for it forever."

They were back at the car now and EJ grabbed Sami's arm and swung her around to face him, his ultimatum hanging between them.

"Did you hear me Samantha?" he asked her tightly, "I'm done with you always leaving me."

She looked up at him steadily and for a change it was hard to know what she was thinking. Usually EJ could read her moods pretty well by this stage but she still managed to flummox him on the odd occasion it seemed.

"What do you want from me EJ?" she asked him a little hopelessly.

"Everything," said EJ, responding without thinking about it.

Sami looked away at that one confronting word.

"I know you're scared Samantha," said EJ urgently, coming to stand a little closer to her, "I know that you don't think I understand just how big a step this is for you but I do. I know that I'm asking you to upset people you love and I'm sorry about that, truly I am but you have to know by now that this isn't going away. You and me Samantha, we're the real thing and even though it will be tough in the beginning getting people to accept that I don't think either one of us can deny it to ourselves any longer. I feel it in our lovemaking – you give yourself utterly to me, with no hesitation. You would never be able to do that with someone you didn't love."

"And what about you EJ?" she asked him, looking up at him defiantly, "You're asking me to give up everything to be with you essentially and what are you giving up exactly?"

EJ looked a little taken aback by that question.

"I'd give anything to be with you Samantha," said EJ emphatically.

Sami narrowed her eyes and walked up right close to him, having to tilt her head back to still look him in the eye.

"I've asked you this before," she reminded him, "And I told you that as long as Stefano was a part of your life I never would be."

EJ frowned a little at hearing that.

"I know you love your father EJ, God only knows why but I accept that you do," said Sami stoically, "But you are asking me to turn my back on my parents that I love dearly to be with you."

"They will come around Samantha," he tried to reassure her.

"Maybe – one day," she said with a little shrug, "But they are going to be hurt and angry and disappointed in me for a long time before that happens and I'll have to live with that day in and day out the entire time it is happening. They will never share in any happiness I might have that whole time and do you have any idea how alone that makes me feel?"

EJ went to answer her but she put a hand up to stall him, continuing to talk.

"You want me to choose you over everyone else in my life," she said steadily, "Well if I did I'd want you to do the same EJ. I'd want you to cut all ties to your father, to your brother."

"But there is no need," said EJ with a frown, "My father is eager to welcome you into the family."

"I don't want to be a part of the DiMera family anymore than you want to be a part of the Brady family," said Sami tightly, "So where does that leave us EJ?"

"I want us to have both families supporting us Samantha," said EJ earnestly, "I don't want it to come down to a choice between them or us."

"But that is the reality of the situation," she said with a shrug, "We may not like it but there it is. EJ I know you think your father isn't as bad as I think he is but you're wrong. He's worse. Every painful childhood memory I have links back to him in some way. He all but destroyed my family over and over again and now you seriously think that I could bear the thought of having anything to do with him ever? That you and I could play happy families with him and everything would be forgotten?! He's not even sorry for the pain he caused me and my family EJ – he's glad about it because it was what Santo had wanted him to do! I won't be involved with another son who is mindlessly following his father's bidding EJ, I won't! I'm not going to help continue this terrible legacy where a father passes on his hatred to his child to carry on into the next generation! I would never have children with you knowing that was going to be their fate!"

"I would never allow such a thing Samantha!" said EJ emphatically.

"You already are by being so passive and accepting in your relationship with your father," said Sami hopelessly, "Don't you get it EJ, even now? You keep telling me that I've got to chose well I'm not the one with a choice to make, it's you! You need to decide who you are and what you really want EJ. You're either going to always be in your father's shadow or you are going to be your own man. One of those men I could never be with, never!"

EJ stared at her wide eyed, neither one of them even noticing how the rain continued to fall around them, the only creatures in existence in that moment were the two of them, nothing and no one else mattered.

"Do you know what you are asking of me Samantha?" he asked her painfully.

"The exact same thing you are asking of me EJ," she returned determinedly, "Until you make a choice it will always come down to this. While Stefano is in your life I will never feel safe, no matter what you say or do and I can't live like that, I just can't."

Suddenly the blare of a car horn startled them both and they looked over to see a car pulling up beside them. Both of them made surprised noises when Lucas climbed out of the driver's seat.

"Why are you two standing in the rain?" he asked them with a frown.

"What are you doing here Lucas?" asked Sami, completely ignoring his question.

"I've come to pick you up," he said, stating the obvious, "When you told me how close to home you were I thought I'd come out and meet you rather than have you stranded by the road for hours on end. At least now you can come home with me and I'm sure EJ has got everything under control this end, isn't that right Elvis?"

"Lucas," growled EJ, not liking the man's timing one little bit.

"Sounds good," said Sami abruptly, catching both men off guard a little with her ready acceptance of his offer.

Without a backwards look at EJ Sami walked over to the passenger side of Lucas' car and got in. Lucas still looked a little surprised at how easy that was but then gave EJ a smug smile.

"Guess you're stuck with your own company now eh Elvis?" he asked him mockingly, "Bet you're thinking twice now about screwing with the car to get more alone time with Sami. Now it just looks like it's going to be alone time for you."

With that Lucas got back into the car and he turned it around, somehow managing to squeal the tyres in the mud and sped off. Watching Sami leave him yet again and in the middle of such an important conversation made EJ feel as though his heart was tied to the back of that car, ripped out of his chest and being dragged painfully along the gravel and dirt. He put out an unsteady hand to lean against the car, their conversation and Sami's sudden departure leaving him absolutely gutted but with a lot to think about.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & THIRTEEN - The Inescapable Truth (Friday)

The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live.

~Flora Whittemore~

"You were quiet in the car," commented Lucas, watching Sami intently as she walked into the apartment and looked around herself.

"I guess I'm just a bit tired," she said, "It was a long trip."

"Did something happen on the trip?" asked Lucas, his feelings of unrest growing the longer Sami remained in this odd mood, "Did EJ do something to you Sami?"

"Like what?" she asked him, looking at him wide eyed.

"I don't know," shrugged Lucas, trying to read her expression, "You were gone over a week Sami, I figured stuff must have gone on."

"What do you mean by that?!" asked Sami, putting a hand to her throat and looking a little dismayed now.

"I mean he would have used every opportunity to work on you," said Lucas with a little frown, "To try and get you to fall for him."

"That's ridiculous Lucas," she said unevenly, her lips thinning a little defensively.

"Is it?" asked Lucas with an arched eyebrow, "That guy has never made any secret of his interest in you Sami."

"Can we talk about something else other than EJ please?" asked Sami, looking away, "I need a shower and to get out of these wet clothes."

Sami started towards the bedroom, tying her hair up in a bun as she went but Lucas stalled her.

"I missed you Sami," he told her quietly, "While you were gone I missed you."

Sami stopped by the door, her back to him before slowly turning around to face him again.

"You did?" asked Sami unevenly.

"I did," nodded Lucas seriously, "More than I thought I would."

To Lucas' surprise his words suddenly made Sami tear up and he limped over to her, putting his arms around her.

":Hey, hey," he said, holding her close, "What's this then?"

"I'm sorry Lucas," she whispered, putting her head on his chest and suddenly he had a bad feeling about where this might be going.

"What is it Sami?" he asked her, a little grimly now, "Just tell me and we'll deal with it okay? I just don't want there to be anymore lies between us."

"Either do I Lucas," said Sami, pulling back and looking up at him seriously, "Lucas I-"

A knock at the door interrupted whatever it was that Sami was going to say.

"Gee I wonder who that could be?" asked Lucas sarcastically, knowing full well it would be EJ.

He let go of Sami then and walked to the door, leaving her standing there with a pensive look on her face.

"Hold that thought honey," he said over his shoulder, "I'll get rid of him and then you can finish what you were going to say."

Lucas put a hand on the door knob, muttering under his breath.

"At least he knocked," he said, "That's a pleasant change rather than just barging in."

Lucas swung open the door, ready to do battle with EJ if he had to in his efforts to get rid of the pesky man.

"Can't you get your own life and leave us alone?" he asked flatly as he opened the door only to have to explain himself when he saw who it was that was standing there, "Mom! What are you doing here?"

"Apparently not having a life," said Kate, arching one perfectly manicured eyebrow.

"Sorry," said Lucas, stepping back and letting her through, "I thought you were EJ."

"And why would you think that?" asked Kate curiously.

"Because he's always hanging around like a bad smell," said Lucas in annoyance.

Kate walked into the room and immediately spied the unimpressed looking Sami.

"Oh god," Kate said in disgust, taking in Sami's bedraggled look and looking back at Lucas pointedly, "Now she's not even making an effort with her appearance. You're onto a real winner here honey."

"Mom if you can't say anything nice about Sami I'd prefer you didn't say anything at all," said Lucas, sending his mother a censuring look.

"Oh goody," said Sami sarcastically, "We're never going to hear her speak again – it's like my birthday and Christmas has come at once."

"Santa only brings the good little boys and girls what they wish for," said Kate smugly, giving Sami a pointed look.

"What do you want Kate?" asked Sami flatly, clearly not in the mood.

"Yeah Mom," said Lucas, "We were kind of in the middle of something."

"Like you demanding to know what the hell she was thinking taking off with another man for a week and leaving you alone?" asked Kate tartly.

She gave Sami a sweet smile then.

"Oh and the business is going just fine," she said sarcastically, "Thanks for your concern. I managed what has been a very busy week all by myself. But then I don't suppose you understand that concept of hard work or committing to one thing and seeing it through."

"Gee Kate," answered Sami just as sarcastically, "Do you think you might have been busy because of the business EJ and I brought in last weekend at the conference? I don't suppose you want to hand out any credit for that little fact or the fact that EJ and still kept in contact with quite a few of potential investors and you can expect and even busier week next week."

Sami gave Kate her own smug smile then.

"No really," she said mockingly, "You don't have to thank me for turning the business that you were barely keeping afloat before I joined to the thriving powerhouse it is becoming. After Shinto San's investment in us I think it's pretty safe to say we've taken Mythic far beyond any feeble predictions you were aiming for."

"It's true Mom," said Lucas with a bit of a smile at seeing Sami put his mother in place in something that Kate had always felt she was by far the more skilled one, "Sami really has rocked her role in Mythic."

"Beginner's luck," said Kate, her lips twisting in annoyance, "Or probably more accurately, dumb luck."

"Hm," said Sami mockingly, "I see now how you always seem to be drunk when I see you – all those sour grapes to make your whine out of. It must be great to know that you have a never ending supply of the stuff."

The knock at the door interrupted any further carry on between the two women.

"Thank god," said Lucas with a sigh at the never ending feud between the two women, "Saved by the bell."

He walked over to the door and opened it.

"Spoke too soon," said Lucas flatly as he looked up at EJ.

"Lucas," said EJ calmly, "I have Samantha's clothes."

Lucas looked down at the bag of clothes EJ was holding and arched an eyebrow.

"I don't think Sami wants them or any kind of reminder of the nightmare of the last week Elvis," said Lucas disdainfully.

EJ looked over his head to where Sami was standing, their eyes meeting for a long minute.

"I'll take them," she said finally, "There was a blouse in there I really liked."

She walked over to the doorway and stood beside Lucas.

"Thank you EJ," said Sami a little unsteadily and took the offered bag from him, EJ still being as damp as she was.

"I live to serve," he said evenly and then with a slight inclination of his head he went to go, "Lucas, Samantha."

He looked at Kate then and gave her the barest of smiles.

"Always a delight Kate," EJ said and then he was gone.

"I need a shower," said Sami suddenly and started to walk towards the bedroom.

"Did you see that?" Kate demanded of her son when she was gone.

"See what Mom?" asked Lucas tiredly, "EJ just bought Sami her clothes and for once left without making a scene. I for one think that is progress."

"Are you kidding me?!" she asked in disbelief, "Did you see how those two were looking at each other?! You could cut the tension between them with a knife!"

"So he'd pissed her off again," shrugged Lucas, "Nothing new there."

"It wasn't that kind of tension," said Kate knowingly.

"Why are you doing this Mom?" asked Lucas in exasperation, "Why can't you just let Sami and me be happy?"

"But you're not happy!" exclaimed his mother, "Both of you look like your cat just died!"

"Maybe it's because we have to keep putting up with constant interruptions from you," suggested Lucas flatly.

"Maybe it's because you know that Sami is up to her old tricks and it's only a matter of time before she rips your heart out," said Kate tersely, "Yet again. Why won't you ever learn with that little whore?"

"Get out Mom!" said Lucas, his jaw setting angrily at what she'd just called Sami.

"I'm only trying to protect you honey," Kate pleaded with him to listen to reason, "You're in a fragile state of mind right now, trying to recover from your accident and Sami is taking advantage of you!"

"I told you Mom," said Lucas determinedly as he ushered her to the door, "Until you learn to accept that Sami is a permanent part of my life and start treating her with respect then I don't want to see or hear from you!"

"Just remember I'm here for you," said Kate, not giving up, "When you need someone who really does love you."

"Goodbye Mom," said Lucas tersely and shut the door in her face.

He leant back against it heavily then, closing his eyes and absently rubbing his leg. The driving today had stirred it up even more and Lucas pushed himself away from the door and walked painfully towards the kitchen. He downed a few painkillers and waited for them to help but he was finding that they weren't really doing the trick like they used to. Lucas walked over to his coat and pulled a packet of pills from the pocket and looked at the little white pills. A friend of a friend had sourced some painkillers for him that his friend had claimed would work wonders. Lucas had been putting off taking them as he wasn't exactly sure what they were but right at that moment he was just sick of being in pain and on impulse took one.

He went and sat down then, waiting for the drugs to start taking affect and couldn't help but think about what his mother had said. She was always warning him about Sami, that was nothing new and admittedly he and Sami hadn't always had the smoothest of relationships so far but all that had changed now. Sami didn't seem to be plotting or up to something every five minutes and appeared a lot more grounded then he'd ever seen her before in her life. She was doing really well at Mythic and Lucas thought that went a long ways towards Sami having something to focus her energies on other than getting into trouble.

It looked like Sami was at last growing up and becoming more like her sister Carrie and that thought made Lucas very happy. He didn't want to spend the rest of his years lurching from one drama to another. He wanted a quiet life with Sami where they could be good parents to Will and whoever else came along. Lucas gave a little smile at the thought of having more children with Sami. They'd never really discussed it but he would catch her sometimes looking at babies and was always eager to hold any new one that they came across.

His mother couldn't see it but Lucas could see that Sami had changed a lot and for the better. Sami needed security in her life and he was determined to provide it. Sami did seem a little distracted of late but Lucas was sure that if he could just let her know how much he was committed to them that she would have her fears laid to rest. He was certain once they'd made love again then everything would fall back into place and now that she was back and he was more or less back to full health then he could make that happen and his mother wouldn't have anything to harp on at him about any longer.

oooOOOOooo

Sami walked into the bathroom, closing the door behind her and then leaning heavily on it as she tried to recover from her brief encounter with EJ. He had such power over her, even when he said nothing, it was utterly maddening and Sami no longer knew what to do about that.

Sami moved slowly away from the door, every movement an effort and her tender body reminding her of EJ's lovemaking. She turned on the shower, just wanting out of those wet clothes and wanting some way to sooth herself after the high emotion of her last encounter with EJ and then seeing him at the door again. Sami walked over to the bag of clothes he'd dropped off for her and opened it up distractedly, thinking she might change into the favourite blouse. As she did she noticed a folded up piece of paper. With some trepidation she opened it up and read the four simple words.

"I choose you. Always."

Sami bit her lip and looked away, tears filling her eyes.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & FOURTEEN – Laying Your Cards On The Table

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength.

While loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~Lao Tzu~

EJ walked into his apartment after having delivered Sami her clothes and closed the door behind him. Uncaring of his wet clothes he then went and sat down on the sofa and stared unblinkingly at the door he'd just entered through. His body was a mass of tangled nerves in anticipation of Sami reading his note. Their talk beside the car and in the rain had been one of their most honest so far. Sami had made it very clear to him that they would be together right now if it weren't for his father before leaving with Lucas.

EJ had stood there for a long time processing what she'd told him. He'd heard it all before of course but for the first time EJ began to understand how deeply Sami's feelings ran about his father. For so long now EJ had managed to compartmentalise the different aspects of his life, his love and loyalty to his father, his love and loyalty to Sami but now everything was crashing into each other and EJ was finally seeing that choices did indeed have to be made, on both sides.

After reading Santo and Colleen's letters EJ had been given an insight to the consequences of divided loyalties and he didn't want that for him and Sami. He loved his father; very much but EJ knew he simply could not live without Sami and therein lay the difference. She was his first choice in this world he'd realised when she'd left him so abruptly that morning after issuing him with the ultimatum of his family or her. It had terrified EJ the thought of walking this world without Sami by his side and it had come to him in a blinding revelation that they weren't going to get anywhere with this thing between them until Sami understood how committed he was to her. She needed all of him just like he needed all of her, EJ understood that now at long last and he was prepared to do just that.

"Hello," said a voice in exasperation, "That was what I told you that you had to do the very first day we met!"

EJ turned his head to see Sam leaning against the wall and looking at him in vague annoyance, her matching beige bra and panties earning her a second glance from EJ.

"I can't believe it's taken you this long to figure it all out," said Sam with a roll of her eyes as she pushed herself away from the wall and came to stand in front of EJ, "Your parents weren't cousins were they?"

"Funny," said EJ shortly, his emotions too highly strung right then to deal with Sam's brand of humour.

"So you've let it all hang out there hm?" said Sam, regarding him with interest, "Given daddy demento the flick and picked which one between him and Sami is the love of your life once and for all with that note."

EJ leant back against the sofa, trying to ignore her.

"Soo not a surprise that you ended up picking the one who likes to fondle Elvis junior though," she commented in amusement.

"This isn't about sex," growled EJ in annoyance, hating something so huge in his life to be reduced to such a base thing.

"I know my love cumquat, I just say stuff like that to bunch your panties," said Sam with a half smile, coming to sit down beside him and patting his knee, "You've done good kid, I'm proud of you."

EJ had to look at her somewhat askew at that.

"What?" she shrugged, "I get it. You've chosen the girl over the man that you've admired and loved your entire life. The man you've tried to model yourself on and have always looked up to."

"Samantha comes first for me from now on," said EJ determinedly, "And if that means that I have to make a break from my father for a while for us to establish ourselves as a couple then that is what I'm prepared to do. Samantha was right, it's only what I'm asking her to do with her family and I think it is important that this isn't about being a Brady or a DiMera but about Samantha and I just coming together and acknowledging our love for one another."

"And what about all the DiMera machinations that got you to this point?" asked Sam practically, "Tricked pregnancies, stem cells, Sami being the DiMera queen on your arm as you take over the empire?"

EJ didn't speak for a long time, considering all of that.

"And while you are at it there are a couple of things you might want to 'fess up about," Sam reminded him knowingly, "If you are going to do this thing I recommend starting with a blank slate."

"I will," said EJ quietly, "As soon as Samantha tells me she loves me I'll tell her what I've done, everything and just trust that our love will be enough to see us through that."

"And if it doesn't?" asked Sam a little sceptically.

"It will," said EJ confidently, "Samantha has a huge heart and her capacity for forgiveness is practically limitless."

"It will need to be if she hooks up with you," said Sam with a roll of her eyes.

"There will be no more lies between us," said EJ determinedly, "Not from now on. We'll work through the past and then only have the future to look forward to."

"Sounds simple," said Sam, pursing her lips, "You realise it's not going to be that easy right?"

"Nothing worthwhile is ever easy and not gained by great sacrifice," said EJ, his jaw setting resolutely as he embraced that statement utterly for the first time, "Samantha and I are facing some big obstacles in our future but it doesn't matter, we'll work through them together. I know my father is relying on me but he will understand that I have to follow my heart and give me his blessing, I'm sure of it. As for the DiMera empire, I was bought up with the knowledge that I would one day inherit it but I never stopped to think if I really wanted it. Samantha has made me look at everything so differently. I want to build something with her, something that is ours alone, I don't particularly want to inherit someone else's visions. I want Mythic to be the cornerstone of our own empire. I can buy Kate out and then it will be just the two of us at the helm, making decisions, working as a team. Samantha has so much untapped potential and I want to be there to see her realise it, to watch her blossom."

"I don't see either Pop Pop or Katie Bear being thrilled by this sudden need to branch out on your own," commented Sam dryly.

"This isn't about them it is about Samantha and I," said EJ firmly, confident he could handle them both when the time came, "And I'll deal with any fall out."

"Hm," said Sam thoughtfully, "Pride comes before a brawl don't forget."

She looked around them both then and gave EJ a pointed look then.

"So all of these plans kind of hinge on Sami coming clean with all these supposed feelings she has for you right?" asked Sam curiously.

"Yes," said EJ flatly, "And they are not supposed."

"That would be easy to believe if I don't know," said Sam with a half shrug of her bare shoulders, "Sami was bursting through that door and declaring her undying love for you Elvis."

"She'll be here," said EJ confidently, settling himself into the sofa more comfortably and fixing his eyes on the front door, "It won't be long now."

After all, EJ had just given Sami the one thing she'd asked for, the one thing that she told him was holding her back, his allegiance to his father and EJ in that note had made it very clear that he'd made his decision about that. There was nothing else to keep them apart now. Fifty minutes later EJ was feeling a little less confident as he was still sitting in the exact same position, still staring at the door while Sam had set about making a fort out of his throw cushions and coffee table.

"Hey Elvis," she called out cheerfully, looking out at him from under the coffee table, "You want to let down your drawbridge and cross my moat big boy?"

"She's not coming," whispered EJ, ignoring Sam completely as the realisation hit him harder than just about anything before in his life.

He'd laid himself bare in front of Sami, told her that she was the one he wanted above any other person in his life and she wasn't even going to acknowledge that fact. It had been a huge thing for EJ to write that note; it signalled a change in his priorities that he'd never really thought it would come down to but it had. He'd chosen Sami and everything was different for him now except everything was really the same as he sat there, once again, waiting for her.

Always waiting.

"Maybe she hasn't read the note yet?" suggested Sam practically.

"She's read it," said EJ flatly, not entirely sure how he knew that but he did.

Sami had read that note, knew that he'd chosen her and knew it was now her turn to make a choice. EJ's nerves tightened at the thought. He was so tired of feeling like he was always at the mercy of Sami's whims but he had no say in the matter because that was exactly how it was.

"Maybe she's just having a shower or something," shrugged Sam, "Or fixing her hair. You know how women hate wet hair. You both got soaked when you were going at it like bunnies in that field. Maybe it's put her off coming round right away."

"It's not the first time we've made love in the rain," commented EJ, lost in his memories and knowing wet hair wouldn't be the reason Sami wasn't knocking on his door.

"Yeah," said Sam thoughtfully as she climbed out from under her 'fort' and sat on the coffee table, "Apparently getting wet makes our girl wet alright... if you know what I mean."

EJ just looked at her and shook his head in disgust.

"Could you be anymore crass?" he asked her, his lips twisting in distaste.

"Of course I can!" said Sam brightly, accepting the challenge at face value, "Two prostitutes are standing on a corner waiting for business-"

"No," said EJ curtly.

"But-" Sam protested.

"Just no Sam," said EJ flatly, as he felt his heart beginning to break in his chest as Sami once again rejected him, "I'm not in the mood."

"How about this one then?" she asked, undaunted, "What's the worst thing about a colostomy bag?"

"And I'm done," said EJ, hauling himself off the sofa and heading towards the bathroom to change out of his now only slightly damp clothes after waiting on Sami for so long.

"Finding shoes to match!" she called out after him and then pulled an unhappy face once he was gone, muttering away to herself, "I'm so undervalued in this relationship."

EJ suddenly reappeared in the doorway then, an angry look on his face as he continued to contemplate the way Sami had snubbed him yet again and couldn't hold in his ire any longer. His heart was breaking and out of that broken heart spewed all the pain of rejection and dashed hopes.

"You know what?!" he demanded of Sam angrily, "I'm done with her! If she wants to play happy families with that noxious runt so much that she'll deny her true self then I say good luck to her! They deserve one another! They can live blandly ever after and have dozens of uninteresting, dwarf sized children for all I care! I wouldn't take that indecisive, fickle, crazy woman back now if she crawled in here on her hands and knees!"

Dramatic rant concluded EJ and his wounded pride stomped off into the bedroom. Sam wrinkled her nose at his outburst and shook her head.

"Ohh," she said, pursing her lips, "Tough crowd."

Sam stood up then, intent on following EJ into the bedroom.

"Guess I'll have to bring out my A material," she said and then more loudly to EJ, "So Elvis, a priest, a transvestite and a camel walk into a bar..."

oooOOOOooo

Sami lay in bed listening to Lucas' heavy breathing. She'd been worried that he might want to do more than just sleep tonight and he'd given a few hints in that direction but when it came to actually getting into bed he'd fallen asleep unbelievably quickly. Sami was incredibly relieved for the respite because it was hard enough just lying there next to him nowadays without having to fend off any of his advances. It wasn't Lucas' fault, he'd done nothing wrong and obviously nothing had changed for him but Sami knew everything had changed for her.

She very quietly got out of bed but she needn't have worried about disturbing Lucas because he didn't even stir, it was like he was drugged or something. Sami was grateful for his heavy sleep though because she needed time to think and she couldn't do that with Lucas around. She'd been lying in bed awaked for hours now and she couldn't stand it any longer. Sami walked out into the living room and just turned on a lamp for some light. Next she went to her purse and pulled out the note EJ had left her in her bag of clothes. Sami sat on the sofa and just stared at it.

"I choose you. Always."

How could four words have such an electrifying impact on her she wondered hopelessly?

After everything they had done and said to each other did it really come down to this? She'd issued EJ with an ultimatum and she hadn't really expected him to choose her. No one ever chose her, not when there were other options to be taken and it made her feel a frightening well of emotion that EJ had chosen her. It was the first time in her life that it had ever happened and Sami felt the tears sting her eyes as she finally came to accept that EJ wasn't going anywhere. Others had declared their love for her but ultimately abandoned her but Sami was at last willing to accept that EJ would never do that. She'd put him through hell these last four months and he hadn't wavered. In the beginning her insecurities had told her that it was because he loved the thrill of the chase but Sami knew in her heart it wasn't that.

EJ loved her.

It was that simple and that impossible.

He wasn't going to stop loving her if she did something wrong or disappointed him, Sami knew that now and the feeling of freedom that the knowledge of that brought her made her feel suddenly light headed.

Samantha Brady was loved at long last, maybe not perfectly at times but more importantly, faithfully.

She knew she and EJ were going to make a lot more mistakes and hurt each other many times over in their future but for the first time Sami was confident that this man wasn't going to leave her because of it and that reality gave her a courage she'd never known before.

"I choose you too EJ," whispered Sami into the dark, her voice shaking at the enormity of what she was saying but not backing away from it at last, "Always."

oooOOOOooo

Sami stepped off the elevator at Mythic and straightened the red dress that she'd worn especially for the occasion. It was the same red dress she'd worn to his office that day, the one that had practically brought EJ to his knees. Sami wanted this moment between them to be memorable and she gave a little shudder at the thought of where this might end. Once she'd told EJ that she loved him as much as he loved her and that she wanted only him Sami knew that EJ would be very, very happy and no doubt want to celebrate. Her body tightened in anticipation as to what form that celebration might take and another anticipatory shudder wracked her slight frame.

Their lovemaking in the field had been simply amazing and every time EJ made love to her it took Sami's breath away. She was so looking forward to them being able to be free with one another and not having to sneak around anymore though. Of course they were going to be facing a lot of opposition in the beginning but Sami truly felt that she and EJ could face anything as a united force, as long as he was no longer under his father's thumb. Of course she still had Lucas to tell as well and she dreaded hurting him but EJ was right, she wasn't in love with him anymore and it wasn't fair what she was doing to him. By rights Sami supposed she should have broken up with Lucas first before seeking out EJ but she felt like she'd kept him waiting forever, both of them really and she didn't want to wait a minute longer.

Sami had gone to his apartment first that morning but there was no answer. The next logical place that Sami could think of was that he would be at Mythic so she'd hurried over to the office. She supposed that she could have simply rung him and organised to meet him but Sami wanted to surprise him with the good news although she doubted that he'd be that surprised. He'd seen how deep her feeling had run for him long before she was willing to even begin to entertain the idea and despite the chaos she was undoubtedly about to throw her life into Sami was so grateful that he simply hadn't given up on her like everyone else in her life.

He would have been within his rights to but EJ hadn't, he'd stuck by her despite Sami pushing him away at every turn and all Sami wanted to do know was show him that it had all been worthwhile. EJ's secretary wasn't at her desk when she got to his office but that didn't stall Sami. She went straight to EJ's door, opening it and walking into the room. At first she thought no one was there but then the chair that was facing out the window behind his desk creaked and Sami realised EJ was sitting in it and taking in the view.

"EJ," she said his name softly, at last letting the love she had for him come through in her voice.

Sami frowned as EJ remained seated in his chair, the high back to her. He had a perfect right to be upset with her Sami realised and she knew she'd hurt him deeply when she'd left with Lucas yesterday. The pain she'd seen in his eyes still haunted her but she hadn't come this far to let his stubbornness thwart her now. She had to tell him how she really felt, her love for him just bursting out of her even if he wasn't going to make this easy for her.

"EJ," she said determinedly but still he refused to answer her and she shook her head at his childishness but couldn't really blame him.

Sami pressed her hand to her chest as she gathered all her courage and said the words that were going to change their lives forever.

"EJ I love you!" she blurted out, the words sounding nothing like the way she'd practiced it in her head probably a thousand times on the way over.

Her heart pounded away painfully in her chest as she waited for EJ to respond to her declaration, the moment seeming to stretch out forever but she was just so unbelievably relieved to have finally spoken them aloud.

"EJ," she said nervously, not quite expecting this kind of reaction from her, or lack thereof.

He always seemed to catch her off guard and Sami supposed she deserved him drawing this out a little bit considering all that she'd put him through to get to this point.

"Did you hear me?" she asked him a little tentatively now, "EJ I love you."

The chair slowly swung round at long last then to face Sami.

"Oh I heard you... I heard you loud and clear Samantha..."

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & FIFTEEN – How Do I Love Thee, Let Me Count The Ways

One must learn to love and go through a good deal of suffering to get to it,

And the journey is always towards the other soul.

~D.H. Lawrence~

"Oh I heard you... I heard you loud and clear Samantha."

His words hung between them but Sami barely took them in as she looked down at the man smiling coldly up at her and made a strangled gasp, taking an involuntary step back.

"What's the matter my dear? Expecting someone else?"

"Tony what are you doing here?" asked Sami shakily when she could find her voice as she stared down in horror at him.

"Witnessing a beautiful moment between my little brother and his beloved it would seem," said Tony with the barest of smirks on his faces before pulling a little face, "At least I would be if Elvis were actually here."

"Where is EJ?" asked Sami, looking around although she knew he wasn't there unless he was crouched down behind the desk Tony was sitting at for some bizarre reason.

"I have no idea my dear," said Tony calmly, standing up now and walking around to stand in front of Sami, "I had some business to discuss with him and thought he would be here as you clearly did as well but it turns out we are both wrong hm?"

A warm look came to his eyes then that actually sent a chill through Sami's body.

"But that gives us a chance to become better acquainted instead," he said throatily, his eyes running all over Sami in her red dress appreciatively.

He looked back at her with those almost black eyes of his.

"Although can I say that I feel quite underdressed for the occasion," he purred throatily, "It is easy to see why Elvis was so eager to follow our father's instructions to bed you."

Sami's jaw tightened at his comment but beyond that didn't let Tony see that he was affecting her. She knew that by giving in to her love for EJ that she would be taking on his family in the process and never let it be said Sami Brady wasn't ready for a fight. She loved EJ and it was beyond her to deny it any longer. His creepy older brother was just another obstacle in their way but Sami was determined Tony wasn't going to stop her from following her heart.

She knew she and EJ still had things to work out between them but his note had promised her that he'd choose her over everyone else and somehow Sami believed him. However or whatever had gotten them to this point in their relationship didn't matter to Sami any more. She was EJ's just as much as he claimed over and over again to be hers and it didn't matter how it had started now, only what the two of them made of that start now. Her courage renewed at the thought of EJ's abiding love for her Sami faced off against Tony.

"You've already played that card Tony," she informed him sweetly, "Perhaps it's time you got a new deck."

Tony gave a shout of laughter at her feisty comeback and perched himself on the edge of EJ's desk.

"I see you truly are wearing the appropriate colour hm my little spitfire," he said in amusement as he took in her bright red dress again.

Tony picked up the hem of the dress then and gave her a considered look.

"Or is it more in line with you being a scarlet woman perhaps?" he mused thoughtfully, "I wonder if poor dull Lucas would be pleased to hear you declaring your love for another man eh Samantha?"

"That's none of your damn business Tony," said Sami tightly, as she pulled her dress from his grasp, "None of this is."

"Ah," said Tony with a little sigh, as he let the material of her skirt fall through his fingers, "Would that be but true Samantha then how much easier all our lives would be."

"I didn't come here to listen to you talk in riddles," said Sami in vague annoyance, "I'm going to find EJ."

"And have another attempt at proclaiming your love for him?" asked Tony, looking at her with an almost pleasant smile, "Is that the plan Samantha?"

"Again, none of your business but yes," said Sami tersely.

"Oh such a thing is very much my business my dear," Tony informed her calmly, "And as such it is something I simply cannot allow you to do."

"I don't remember asking your permission Tony," said Sami, sending him a challenging look.

"This is probably going to be somewhat of a surprise to you my dear Samantha but not everything is about you or what you do or do not want," said Tony dryly.

"But it is about what you do and do not want have I got that right Tony?" she asked him mockingly.

"So very feisty," said Tony with an admiring shake of his head at her bravado, "But now that you mention it, as far as you are concerned that is absolutely correct."

"I'm done with this ridiculous conversation," said Sami impatiently, "Your veiled threats and nonsensical ramblings I'm guessing are meant to be scaring me but if you want to know the truth Tony they just make you seem pathetic."

Sami turned on her heel then, intending that to be her last word on the subject and to simply go and find EJ but his next words stalled her.

"Well by all means let me be clearer Samantha," said Tony evenly, "If you and Elvis become a bona fide couple it will be his last act this side of the grave – I'll make sure of it."

Sami turned around and looked at him in utter disbelief at that statement and saw immediately that this was no bluff and her heart sank.

"So little girl," he said with a predatory smile, "Am I scaring you now?"

"Why would you do such a thing?" asked Sami faintly, her stomach began to churn now at the thought of something happening to EJ.

"My father sees you and Elvis as the new face of the DiMera empire," said Tony, his lips twisting in distaste, "He is convinced that Elvis will lead our family into the new millennia with you at his side, that you two are the future, his legacy as it were. Now I've worked very hard for a long time and been a good son and a faithful soldier for the DiMera name and I am not going to sit idly by while my father hands over my birthright to an overindulged child who just happened to have the good fortune to look like Stefano's father! I won't lose everything that I've worked so tirelessly for because of my father's failing health causing him flights of fantasies. You and Elvis are not the reincarnation of Colleen and Santo and a union between you two will not realign the universe no matter what the old man thinks! I will have what is coming to me and if that means getting rid of all that stands in my way then I don't really have to think too hard about that."

"But EJ is your brother!" said Sami in horror as she listened to Tony speak of EJ's death in such matter of fact terms.

"An accident of birth and one I had no control over," said Tony with a careless shrug.

"I thought DiMera's were all about family!" said Sami angrily, "How can you threaten a member of your own family – it's sick!"

"Oh like you haven't inflicted your own brand of heart ache on your family," said Tony with some amusement, "Wasn't it you who fully intended to sell their own half sister on the black market in the not so distant past? I would have thought you of all people would have understood wanting something and not letting anything get in your way, especially something like morals. You were also set to make a profit out of your little endeavour as well so I don't think you are in any position to look down that pretty little upturned nose of yours at me."

"It wasn't about the money!" hissed Sami, more than ever regretting her past now when the likes of Tony DiMera could use it against hers.

"No it was about something far more important than that now wasn't it?" asked Tony, pouncing on her declaration, his dark eyes shining, "It was about family and having power again when it looked like it was being taken from you."

"You can't compare our two situations!" said Sami in disgust.

"Why not?" said Tony with an arched eyebrow, "You wanted your parents back together again but instead Marlena was obviously set on choosing John Black for some inexplicable reason. You decided to take matters into your own hands and gain some power in a situation where before you had been powerless. By kidnapping your baby sister Belle and making plans to sell her on the black market you were regaining control of the situation and that is all I am doing now."

"I was a confused kid back then!" Sami tried to defend herself, "I know it was wrong now!"

"It is often as a child we see things the clearest," said Tony coolly, "Uncluttered by moral complications and simply thinking of what it is we want."

"It doesn't make it right," said Sami sternly, "Besides there is no point to all this anyway. EJ has promised me that he will cut all ties with his father so we can be together!"

"Has he now?" asked Tony with an interested arch of his eyebrow.

"Yes!" said Sami defiantly, not willing to admit they hadn't exactly worked out the finer details of that but she believed EJ's note when he said he chose her.

"And do you really think that Elvis has a say in any of this?" asked Tony in cold amusement.

"Wh-what?" stammered Sami worriedly at Tony's words

"My father's wishes are not optional," Tony informed her evenly, "If he wants something he gets it."

"He can't make EJ do something he doesn't want to do!" said Sami determinedly.

Tony tilted his head at that and gave her a considered look.

"What a naive little thing you are considering your past misdeeds Samantha Brady," said Tony, regarding her thoughtfully, "You're quite the contradiction in terms aren't you? Refreshing and rather intriguing. I see no more than ever how you have managed to keep my frivolous brother's usually short attention."

"No one can force EJ to take over the business," Sami insisted determinedly, scared to think of where this was going.

"Of course they can my dear," said Tony easily, "Anyone can be made to do anything if you find the right bargaining chip."

Tony gave her a small smile then, one that made Sami's skin crawl.

"What do you want from me?" she whispered unevenly.

"I think I already made that abundantly clear Samantha," said Tony smoothly, "I want you and Elvis to not be an option. Once I have divided then all that will be left is for me to conquer. You are to end it with my brother once and for all and don't feel as though you have to spare his feelings on my account will you my dear? Feel free to make it as brutal as you'd like. You get to a certain point in your life and you realise there are so few pleasures left to experience in this world and it is always immensely enjoyable to watch a rival have his heart ripped from his chest I find."

"And if I don't?" asked Sami, her jaw hardening as she saw Tony's obvious enjoyment as he contemplated EJ's pain.

"Then I'll have him killed," said Tony simply.

"You're bluffing," said Sami shakily, "Even a DiMera wouldn't kill their own."

"Come now Samantha," said Tony, straightening up from where he'd been sitting on the edge of the desk, "I think our relationship has moved past the point of having pretences between us. You know full well what a DiMera is capable of when they really want something. You hold my little brother's life in those small but undoubtedly skilled hands so don't try and convince yourself of anything different otherwise this could end very, very badly I'm afraid."

Sami looked back at him, hardly able to believe that things had taken such a drastic turn so quickly. She had come to EJ's office ready to start a new chapter of her life with him only to have that threatened before it even began. There was no way Sami could have seen this coming and she was still reeling from the implications of what Tony had just told her.

"Well," said Tony with that fake smile of his that just turned Sami's stomach, "It appears you have a choice to make Samantha so I'll give you some privacy to consider the position you find yourself in."

He started to stroll to the door, as though he didn't have a care in the world but before he left he stopped and leant over to Sami, his lips close to her ear.

"I'm supremely confident you'll make the right decision Samantha," he told her, his hot breath in her ear making Sami cringe, "At least I hope you do for my brother's sake. My funeral suit is somewhat scratchy to wear so here's to you doing the right thing so I don't have the inconvenience of wearing the thing hm?"

With his last parting shot delivered Tony sauntered to the door and Sami heard it open and close behind her. She didn't move for a long moment after he was gone, wanting to make sure that he really was gone. Suddenly her legs couldn't support her any longer and Sami crumbled to the ground, shaking uncontrollably, the iron control she'd maintained around Tony leaving her abruptly now that he was gone.

Sami couldn't believe this was happening, not now, not when she'd finally accepted her feelings for EJ. Her heart was screaming at her to run to EJ and tell him of all the love she had for him because it could simply contain it no longer, so full to overflowing with love it was but Sami knew if she did that she'd be sealing EJ's fate. She was absolutely certain that Tony wasn't bluffing. Sami had seen the truth in those soulless eyes and she knew she held EJ's life in her hands.

Sami buried her face in those shaking hands as she faced a near impossible decision...

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & SIXTEEN – The Parting of Ways Part Two

Self-sacrifice is the real miracle out of which all the reported miracles grow.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"Whatcha doin'?"

EJ did a quick double take to see Sam lounging in one corner of his apartment elevator as he rode it to his floor.

"Going to see Samantha," he said shortly before going back to stare at the elevator doors, willing the elevator to traverse the three floors quicker than it was.

"Is that a good idea?" asked Sam with an arched eyebrow, "I thought you were done with her?"

"I'll never be done with Samantha," said EJ tightly, as he waited impatiently for the impossibly slow elevator to reach its destination, muttering unhappily to himself, "I should have taken the stairs."

He'd gotten over his declaration of disinterest in Sami as soon as the words had left his mouth. EJ had just needed to give a voice to his pain and it had come out like that but he hadn't meant a single word of it. He needed Sami like he needed oxygen and he was never going to give up fighting for her, never.

"But she didn't answer you note," commented Sam, "It kinda feels like a brush off to me."

"She came to see me at Mythic," said EJ doggedly, remembering the thrill he'd gotten when his secretary had informed him that she'd seen Sami leaving Mythic just before he arrived back from a quick meeting he'd had to attend.

"She works there," pointed out Sam logically, "Maybe she was just there to, you know – work."

"She came to see me," said EJ stubbornly, unable to conceive of anything else.

He'd chosen Sami over everyone else in his life, even his beloved father and that just had to be enough for her to embrace her feelings for him; it just had to be because EJ had nothing else to offer her now that he'd given her all of him.

"Or to do some paperwork," said Sam just as stubbornly.

"It was me," said EJ through gritted teeth.

"Or it was filing," said Sam, not letting it go.

"Shut the hell up and leave me alone," growled EJ as the elevator opened.

He was in no mood for Sam right then, all of his attentions focused on Sami and what it was that she had come to see him about. EJ's long legs carried him from the elevator to her apartment easily and without hesitation he knocked on the door. Again it seemed to take an eternity but the door was at last opened but it wasn't who EJ was hoping to see.

"Is Samantha here?" he asked Lucas, having no time or inclination to share niceties with a man he detested.

"No," said Lucas flatly, obviously feeling the same way.

"Do you know where she is?" asked EJ, trying to rein in his impatience with all of his might, "She's not answering her cell."

"I know where she is," said Lucas calmly, staring back at EJ unblinkingly and quite clearly not willing to make this easy on EJ.

"And where might that be?" asked EJ, the agitation starting to show in his voice despite his best attempts.

He just needed to see Sami so desperately right then that he could barely think of anything else. EJ gritted his teeth and watched as he looked down and checked his watch.

"I'd say she's somewhere over the North Atlantic Ocean by now," Lucas informed him evenly.

EJ's eyes widened at that piece of information; that being the last thing he'd expected to hear.

"What?" he asked in disbelief, "What are you talking about Lucas?"

"Sami has gone to see Will in Switzerland," said Lucas and EJ could tell he was enjoying catching him off guard like this, "You remember Will right? Our son, the son Sami and I had together."

EJ didn't miss the special emphasis on our son which was obviously for his benefit. Lucas was obviously trying to mark his territory and if EJ wasn't so preoccupied he'd probably laugh in the other man's face but right then all he could think about was getting to speak to Sami.

"Sami's on her way to Switzerland right now?" asked EJ, still trying to get his head around it all.

"I put her on the plane an hour ago," nodded Lucas with a bit of a smirk at EJ's obvious distress, "I mean I'm going to miss her and all seeing as she just got back yesterday but she spoke to Will this morning and had this mother's intuition that he needed her so because Sami's such a great mom she dropped everything and got on the plane to go and see him. It's one of the things I love so much about her."

EJ ignored that last part, knowing it was designed to annoy him and focused on the first part.

"How long will Samantha be gone for?" he asked, looking at Lucas intently.

"Don't know," shrugged Lucas, "I guess until she feels comfortable leaving Will."

EJ looked away, trying to process all of this new and shocking information.

"Will that be all EJ?" asked Lucas sweetly, "Hope I haven't ruined your day. I guess besides needing to see our son again Sami going to Switzerland means that she has the bliss of not having to deal with you for awhile. You know I never had a woman hate me so much she has to leave the country."

Lucas smirked up at him, enjoying delivering that jab and basically kicking EJ while he was down.

"That's because you are incapable of arousing any feelings in a woman beyond a mild pity," said EJ bitingly, using his sharp tongue to do its worst, "I guess that is the difference between you and I Lucas – you look at being bland and uninteresting as being a worthy goal whereas as I like to stir some real emotion in my women."

"Sami isn't your woman," said Lucas bitterly, "She's mine!"

"Sure of that are you?" asked EJ coldly, his face set in stone now.

"I'm sure it's my bed she's coming home to," said Lucas with a self satisfied look up at EJ, "You realise you're never going to have Sami, you get that right Elvis? This deluded fantasy you have about the two of you is never going to happen!"

EJ had to swallow his retort that he'd already had Samantha so often and in so many ways that Lucas couldn't even begin to imagine it but he didn't want to reduce this to some juvenile competition of one upmanship between himself and the other man. Right then his thoughts were more of finding out what had happened to Sami that she would just take off like that. He gave the barest of smiles then, still not letting Lucas have the last word though.

"I want you to remember this moment Lucas," said EJ and he allowed a small menacing undertone to come through his voice as he spoke to the other man, "It's going to be the last time you are sure of anything."

With that last little barb delivered EJ turned around and walked back to his apartment, totally uninterested in anything Lucas has to say now. He walked through the door of his apartment and as he did his shoe scuffed a letter that had obviously been slipped under it.

EJ knew who it was from before he even bent down to retrieve it. He held it in his hand and just stared at it for a long moment before going over to the sofa to sit down. Despite his outwardly calm exterior EJ's heart was beating ten to the dozen in his chest as he opened the letter and began to read, recognising Sami's neat handwriting immediately.

EJ,

Perhaps you think a letter is a cowardly way to end things between us and you are probably right. The last time we spoke I told you that there could never be any chance for us unless you turned your back on your father but I was wrong. There can never be a chance for us regardless of your father's involvement in your life. I have thought about this long and hard and I know the truth now, the only truth that matters.

I don't love you EJ.

I'm sorry but it's the truth. I know you're probably sitting there arguing with that statement already but I just don't feel the same way about you that you do about me. I wanted you and I'm not going to pretend that the sex wasn't great because it was. I want to be honest with you EJ and the truth is that everything got really confusing for me for awhile but I'm seeing things clearly now. I saw the lengths Colleen and Santo went to in order to be together and I realised that I don't have that in me, to risk everything for love because I don't feel that way about you EJ. My family and friends mean too much to me and in my heart I know I will always regret hurting them for a man that I don't really love.

I've gone to Switzerland to be with my son, the most important person in my life. I don't know how long I'll be gone but I have a request of you when I get back. You've told me so many times how much you love me EJ and now I want you to really prove it to me.

Let me go EJ, I'm begging you.

You never really had me anyway so I'm just asking you to do the right thing. I'm tired of being this unhappy all the time and I can't go on as things are. I just want you to show me how much you love me EJ and respect my wishes; it is all that I ask of you. Please, please don't fight me on this. You will find someone else and I do think you have a lot of love to give. Just not to me because I don't want it EJ, try and understand that. This isn't just about what you want, you have to understand that. I don't want to end up like Colleen and Santo and us being together simply wouldn't be worth it the pain it would cause so many because I don't love you.

I'm sorry.

Samantha.

EJ finished reading the letter and leant slowly back against the sofa, staring dully ahead. Each word Sami had written was like a knife in his stomach and each plea from her for him to let her go or declaration of her lack of care for him drove it in deeper, twisting the blade mercilessly until EJ was sure that he was haemorrhaging to death internally. How could Sami do such a thing to him? EJ was in utter shock. Every time he thought they were taking a step forward with their relationship Sami somehow managed to get them to take twenty backwards! There was something about that letter, the way it was written with a quiet desperation that sent a shiver of fear down EJ's spine.

This wasn't Sami being hysterical or even manipulative. Her words all seemed well considered and dare he say it, heartfelt. EJ grabbed at his chest as her words declaring that she didn't love him came back to him. It was a physical pain that was close to unbearable to think of her writing such a thing. EJ wished the letter had been angry and accusatory because then he'd have something to fight against but it hadn't been that at all. In his head EJ could hear Sami's soft voice pleading with him to let her go but he knew he could never do that. Something had happened to make her write that letter, EJ was sure of it. It was just like something had happened when Sami went suddenly cold on him just before they'd gone to LA together. He'd never really gotten to the bottom of what had caused her abrupt about face and now EJ really wished he'd had because he had this strange feeling that these two things might be related somehow. He'd leant forward again, looking at the letter dully.

EJ felt sick after reading that letter and apart of him never wanted to move off that sofa again, simply roll himself into a ball and die from grief over what Sami had written but there was a bigger part of him that needed to fight for the woman he loved. He got up abruptly from the sofa, a plan already forming in his head. EJ walked determinedly into his bedroom, returning a moment later with a suitcase which he opened up before stalking back into the bedroom and collecting some clothes. He started to throw them into the suitcase, intent on only one thing, going to Switzerland and retrieving Sami.

He didn't know why she'd written such a letter to him when he'd been so very sure that she was so close to telling him that she loved him but that didn't matter now. Sami might be able to write those things in a letter but face to face was another story. She'd asked him to leave her alone but even as she was writing it Sami must have known that EJ simply couldn't do that. He didn't know what had caused this latest bout of running but EJ was determined to find out. There was no way that this was how it was going to end between Sami and him - it was never going to be over between them, never as he folded up a tie and placed it in his suitcase.

He pulled out his cell phone, about to organise the private jet when there was a knock at the door. If it was Lucas come to gloat some more he might get a bit more than he bargained for thought EJ grimly as he went to the door.

The urge to hit something had been steadily building inside him from the first news of Sami's departure and EJ would love for that something to be Lucas. He jerked open the door and gritted his teeth in annoyance at seeing who it was.

"Captain Brady," he said flatly, "To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"EJ," nodded the other man in acknowledgement and as he did he looked past EJ to the opened suitcase on the coffee table, "Going somewhere?"

"I've got a business trip planned," said EJ shortly, not really in the mood to indulge Roman just then.

"I thought you just got back?" said Roman with an arched eyebrow.

"And now I'm going again," said EJ dourly, "You'll be able to breathe easy Captain, knowing that you have one less DiMera in town to worry about. You must be thrilled."

"Where's the business trip to?" asked Roman calmly, ignoring his little dig.

"Geneva," said EJ coolly, "If you must know."

"Switzerland?" asked Roman, his eyebrows moving higher.

"Full marks for you geography Roman," said EJ, in no mood to be polite, "Another triumph for the public school system – you must be so proud."

"EJ as much as I'd love to have you out of my town, preferably permanently, it's just not going to happen," said Roman with a mock regretful sigh.

"What do you mean?" asked EJ with a slight frown.

"I need you to come and help us with our enquiries about the warehouse shooting," said Roman calmly.

"Are you still going on about that?" asked EJ in exasperation, not having the time for this right now.

"A man is still dead and yeah, I think that's something worth going on about EJ," said Roman, giving him an unimpressed look at his reaction to the news.

"Well I'll tell you what Captain," said EJ in mild annoyance now, "As soon as I get back I'll be sure to come and see you."

"You're not going anywhere EJ," said Roman with a bit of a smirk, "You're a person of interesting in a murder investigation and as such you don't get to leave the country until I say so."

"You can't be serious?" asked EJ, his face darkening at this news.

"Oh I'm serious," said Roman with a smug smile, "So why don't you get to unpacking and when you are done I'll expect to see you at the station. If you keep me waiting too long though I'll be sending a squad car around to collect you, so I recommend unpacking real quick Elvis, you're already in enough trouble."

"I'm not in any kind of trouble because I didn't do anything," said EJ through gritted teeth as he began to realise that he wouldn't be able to follow Sami after all by the looks of it, "I believe we've already been over this in some detail!"

"So we'll go over it again," said Roman with an easy shrug, "I like to be thorough."

EJ's eyes narrowed menacingly at the other man.

"You know Roman this comes dangerously close to harassment," he told him tightly.

"I'm just doing my job," said Roman unapologetically, "Just don't keep me waiting Elvis and certainly don't think that you're going anywhere in that fancy private jet of yours anytime soon. At least until we've got this murder investigation closed."

"Don't you mean once you've got me fitted up for a crime I didn't commit?" asked EJ sourly, "That's what all this is about isn't it? You're just desperate to put a DiMera behind bars and you don't really care about little details of innocence, isn't that the truth Roman?"

"I don't think anyone in their right mind would refer to a DiMera as innocent," said Roman flatly.

"So nice to know you're taking a professional and unbiased view in all this," said EJ mockingly, "Apparently that little saying 'innocent until proven guilty' doesn't apply in Salem if your last name happens to be DiMera."

"You'll get your due process EJ," said Roman calmly, "And if you've done nothing wrong then you have nothing to fear."

"I'm sure," said EJ dryly, "Because the police have never convicted an innocent man before today."

"I'll see you soon," said Roman with a half smile, "Don't keep me waiting Elvis."

"I wouldn't dream of it Captain Brady," said EJ sweetly before closing the door in his smug face.

EJ walked away from the door and briefly considered ignoring what Roman had just said and making an attempt to leave the country regardless. Somehow EJ knew that the other man would be waiting for him to do just that and he certainly couldn't talk sense into Sami from a jail cell. A surge of pure frustration ripped through EJ as he realised that he couldn't go after Sami despite the fact that every cell in his body was screaming at him to do just that. He lashed out, kicking a nearby chair and sending it flying across the room. It felt momentarily good to put all his anger into a single act but the relief was fleeting. EJ walked back over to the sofa and sank down on it, putting a hand to his face, suddenly feeling very tired.

She'd left him, just like that with no more than a few words scribbled onto a piece of paper and EJ was left devastated. In that moment EJ felt like he should just let Roman lock him up and throw away the key because there was little else that mattered in his life now. He hung his head and tried to find the will to go on.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & SEVENTEEN – Let The Chips Fall Where They May

.

In true love the smallest distance is too great

And the greatest distance can be bridged.

~Hans Nouwens~

Sami sat on the plane, looking sightlessly out the small window, her thoughts in another place entirely. She glanced down at her watched and wondered if EJ had gotten her letter yet. The thought caused her to have to swallow a painful lump in her throat. EJ was going to be devastated at what she had done and how she'd gone about it but Sami had no choice. She knew she had to protect him from Tony's insane jealousy and this was the only way.

Sami had written EJ a letter because she knew the moment she looked into those big brown eyes of his, so full of adoring love for her that she would be undone. It would take her time to rebuild enough of her walls to be able to face him properly and Sami knew it. That was why she'd organised the impromptu trip to Switzerland. First of all she really did want to see Will and see if she could mend their relationship some but the appeal of having an ocean between her and EJ right then was equally strong. Sami could only imagine his reaction to her letter and painful tears filled her eyes at the thought.

All she wanted to do was tell EJ at long last how much she loved him and wanted to be with him but because of Tony and his threats Sami knew that was the last thing that could ever happen. She'd toyed briefly with going to EJ and telling him of Tony's ultimatum but was afraid of both what Tony's reactions would be to that and more worrying for Sami what EJ's reaction would be. Tony was a coiled spring ready to pounce at any moment and probably had people watching EJ all the time already so if Sami put so much as a foot wrong then all it would take is one phone call from him and EJ could be dead. Tony was way ahead of the game on this one and she doubted that even she and EJ could come up with a plan quickly enough to combat him.

But that was the most worrying part for Sami in actual fact - what it was that EJ might do to Tony given half the chance. Sami knew EJ would go insane at the thought of him threatening her and she was terrified about what he might do in revenge. It had been hard but Sami had found a way to reconcile herself with EJ's past misdeeds and in particular shooting John. She was sure he'd done it no matter what he might say but she was equally sure that he was not the same man anymore. If his father ordered EJ to kill then Sami just knew that EJ couldn't go through with it again, she didn't know how but she knew. It was like EJ was always saying; there was a connection between them that ran deep. EJ had many insights into Sami that even Sami hadn't wanted to admit to and it was the same for her with EJ. He might still think he was the same man as when they first met but that man would never have contemplated turning his back on his father like EJ had when he'd written her that note.

He'd accepted her with her chequered past and Sami knew she loved him enough to do the same. However even though EJ had changed a lot in these past months Sami knew there was one thing that would make him revert back to form and that was someone threatening her. She knew that because Sami was prepared to do anything to protect EJ and she was certain he would do the same. What that anything might entail for EJ was the thing that scared her the most. What if EJ decided that the only way for them both to be safe was to kill Tony before he killed them? Sami knew she couldn't condone a cold blooded killing like that and didn't want EJ to live with the burden of wanting his own brother dead or even worse, making it happen.

This was the only way Sami decided sadly. She didn't want EJ to start down the path again of becoming his father and she wasn't going to let them end up like Santo and Colleen either only with EJ being the one to die this time. Sami knew she could endure anything but EJ's death. It was too painful a thought to even contemplate and if by doing this she hurt EJ in the short term but he went on to live a full life then it would be worth it. Sami knew she would never be truly happy again but that didn't matter now. All that mattered was EJ was safe and he would eventually get over her, they all did in the end. He'd fall in love again liked she'd urged him to do in her letter and he would move on. Sami made a pained little sobbing sound at the thought of that, fresh tears coursing down her cheeks as she kept her face determinedly turned towards the window so no one on the plane could see her grief. She couldn't bear the thought of EJ with another woman, it was like a knife through her heart but Sami knew it was what had to happen for EJ to be safe and she just prayed that she wouldn't have to be around to witness it.

No crime she'd ever committed was due that kind of punishment.

oooOOOOooo

Lucas heard the door to EJ's apartment slam and allowed himself a self satisfied smirk at the other man's obvious ire. It may have made him a lesser person but he really enjoyed telling EJ that Sami had left the country. It was hard to catch a man like EJ DiMera out but he'd managed it with that piece of information and he'd be lying if he didn't say it felt good. And then seeing Roman turn up at EJ's doorstep had been the icing on the cake. Whatever Roman had said to EJ seemed to have really upset the other man which was totally fine with Lucas. He was sick and tired of that little smile EJ always seemed to be wearing, as though he knew something Lucas didn't. Well that smile was gone from his face now as soon as things stopped going his way.

Lucas limped over to the kitchen and absently rubbed his leg. He was a little upset that he and Sami hadn't made love last night before she left but that was his fault really. The painkiller he'd taken had really worked and it had been blissful not to be in pain for once but he'd fallen asleep pretty quickly instead of making love to Sami as he'd planned. After so long of his every movement being wracked with sharp pains and dull aches there were no words to describe how wonderful it was to be free of it all. Lucas pulled out the pills from his pocket and looked down at them thoughtfully. If he just took them without taking his regular painkillers then they probably wouldn't have the drowsy side affect he decided.

He took another pill, not even bothering with water this time to flush it down before heading back to the sofa and sitting down. Lucas was really going to miss Sami while she was gone; it felt like they hadn't really connected since that night in the cabin. He was determined though once she returned from seeing Will that he'd get their relationship back on track. A delicious warmth began to overcome Lucas now as the painkillers quickly worked their magic and he gave a grateful sigh. Thoughts of Sami left his head then as Lucas just enjoyed the sensation of being pain free again, nothing else mattering right then.

oooOOOOooo

EJ stood at the doors of the DiMera mansion impatiently waiting for someone to answer it. He'd just spent a mind numbing couple of hours in the company of Salem's finest and even though he hadn't killed anyone to date EJ had been more than ready to rectify that little fact if they'd kept him for even another ten minute. He'd answered one inane question after another and it was clear that they were simply on a fishing expedition hoping he'd slip up. EJ wasn't about to be outsmarted by the likes of the Salem police department, not unless he lost ninety eight percent of his brain function that was.

The whole time he'd stared at Roman Brady and wondered how such an impossibly beautiful and brilliant woman as Samantha could ever have come from such a dull, simple man. It defied explanation had been what EJ had come up with in the end. Thoughts of Sami had only made EJ's impatience with the police grow as they waffled on endlessly, trying to alternatively scare, wheedle and intimidate some information from him. They'd ended up with nothing of course but by the end of it EJ was determined he wasn't going to have to go through that again, quite certain that he'd already developed a rash being around that much concentrated stupidity.

He knew he needed to get this security guard thing sorted once and for all so that the Salem PD had one less axe to grind against him and then EJ could concentrate all his attention on getting Sami to come to her senses. Once they had the shooter then there would be no reason for EJ to have to stay in the country and he could go after Sami which was his only thought right then. Of course EJ already knew who shot the security guard but somehow exposing Bart as the shooter and then having him being asked any kind of questions didn't seem to EJ to be in his best interests. Bart had trouble keeping straight what day it was let alone protecting an alibi so EJ was pretty confident that even though Bart's heart might be in the right place in wanting to protect the DiMera's unfortunately his brain was located somewhere in the region of his ass so his good intentions weren't going to cut it somehow.

No, EJ knew he had to come up with a way to fix this mess by clearing his name once and for all and to get Bart out of the picture for the shooting so that the other man didn't have to face up to any close scrutiny from either the police or Stefano. But EJ knew he also had to get to the root cause of all this. Bart hadn't planted that glove of EJ's on the body, he was sure of it. Now there were a lot of people that hated him in Salem but EJ could only think of one that had both motive and opportunity to do such a thing.

"Tony."

EJ said his brother's name aloud as the very man he was convinced was at the heart of this mess opened the door and smiled that cold little smile at him.

"Elvis," he said evenly, "To what do we owe the pleasure little brother?"

"That's funny," said EJ coolly, "I just said the exact same thing to Roman Brady just before he dragged me down to the police station to answer one bloody pointless question after another about the security guard shooting."

"Oh dear," said Tony with mock sympathy, "That does sound troublesome but I'm a little uncertain what that has to do with me Elvis."

"I doubt that," said EJ flatly as he walked past Tony and headed into the living room.

"Oh do come in Elvis," said Tony with a roll of his eyes as he closed the door behind him, "No really, I insist."

"This is my father's home Tony," said EJ tersely, "I don't need to ask permission to come inside."

"Of course you don't," said Tony smoothly.

"Where is Father?" asked EJ, looking around.

"Resting," said Tony simply.

"How is he?" asked EJ with a frown.

"Weakening even though he won't admit it," said Tony with a little sigh, "Our father is dying Elvis."

Tony gave him a pointed look then.

"Such a shame you couldn't find your way clear to help him out with that but I suppose you did your best eh Elvis," said Tony, obviously baiting the younger man, "A pity your best wasn't good enough, not a surprise mind you but still, a pity for our beloved father in particular I should imagine."

EJ swallowed the retort that a statement like that was meant to evoke, not wanting to give Tony what he wanted right then.

"I know what you are up to Tony," EJ growled, in no mood to play games right then.

"And what pray tell little brother am I 'up to' if you don't mind me asking?" asked Tony looking only mildly interested in their conversation at best as he took a sip of his scotch.

EJ gave a tight little smile and walked up to Tony, looking down at him imposingly as the other man lounged unconcernedly against a chair.

"I know you're jealous of me Tony," said EJ coldly, "I know that jealousy drove you to try and set me up with the Salem police by planting my glove on that dead security guard."

"My dear brother I have no idea what you are talking about," said Tony, dripping with innocence, "Why would I want to do such a thing to you, we are family after all and family must stick together. Surely isn't that what our father has always taught us?"

"It seems like you might need to go back to school then brother," said EJ tersely, "I know you did this and I'm not going to let you get away with it."

"So what are you going to do Elvis?" asked Tony laughingly, "Stomp your feet and hold your breath until you go blue? That's what children who don't get their own way do isn't it?"

"I know it suits your purposes to think of me as some coddled child who doesn't have the mental capacity to understand how things really are but you couldn't be more wrong Tony," said EJ grimly, "And you would do well to take me seriously."

"In my experience a real player doesn't have to ask to be taken seriously," Tony noted flatly before looking at EJ with interest, "So what spurred this latest round of chest beating I wonder? Are you trying to impress Sami I wonder?"

"You leave Samantha out of this!" snarled EJ, the mere mention of her name causing a fresh wave of pain to roll over him.

"Problems in paradise?" asked Tony innocently as he sipped his drink and took in EJ's reaction, "How did I know that Samantha Brady would be a bumpy ride – "

He stopped then and looked at EJ over the edge of his glass with a little quirk of his lips.

"But a very enjoyable ride nonetheless I'm guessing," he said, that poisonous smile back on his face, "She's developed into quite the full figured beauty now hasn't she? I do love a woman you can get a good hold of when you are – "

"Shut your filthy mouth!" yelled EJ, already hanging by a thread from Sami's abrupt departure and her letter that had ripped his heart in two plus of course his less then delightful time spent with the Salem PD.

EJ lost his head, charging at Tony, pinning him to the wall and just needing to get all of his frustrations out. He'd caught the other man off guard with the suddenness of his attack and Tony's drink was knocked out of his hand and the glass smashed on the highly polished floor.

"Come now little brother," purred Tony, not struggling against EJ because he knew it would be useless to try and outmatch the other man physically so he let his words inflict the damage instead, "You used to like it when I complimented your toys."

"Samantha isn't a toy or a possession!" EJ raged, shoving him harder against the wall.

"But you do seem to enjoy playing with her," noted Tony evenly, enjoying baiting the younger man, "I'm merely complimenting you on your taste in play things."

Tony watched EJ's jaw harden and obviously decided to press his advantage.

"Mind you," he said evenly, "Seeing as you two seem to be in the middle of some kind of little tiff I don't suppose I can borrow her to see what all the fuss is about eh brother? You claimed that Jaguar of yours was a wondrous ride but I always found it to be a little lacking and I can't help but wonder if I will find the same thing of your Samantha but either way I think I would very much enjoy finding out."

EJ's control snapped at hearing Sami being spoken about so crassly and he hauled Tony away from the wall, his fist snapping back as he landed a right hook on Tony's chin that sent him tumbling to the floor. At long last his desire to hit someone was coming to pass and EJ found he couldn't stop now that he'd started. He bent down to haul Tony to his feet so he could hit the man again but Tony was too quick for him, kicking out at his feet so that EJ lost his footing. Very quickly the two men were writhing around on the floor, both trying to get as many blows in as possible on the other. This was the scene that Stefano walked in on and he was not pleased at all by the little tableau.

"What is this?!" he roared his disapproval, hurrying over to where his two sons were still rolling about, "You will not behave like common thugs in this house do you hear me! Stop this at once! I did not raise my sons to behave in such a way! Get up, get up both of you!"

The two men reluctantly let go of one another, both of them still glaring death at the other.

"What is the cause of such behaviour?" Stefano demanded to know of his two children, "Answer me!"

EJ knew that if he spoke now that he would lose all control and just spew out all the vitriol he had for Tony and his machinations against him but EJ didn't want to show his hand too much to his father. He was pretty confident that Tony had a bombshell or two of his own to drop, for instance like EJ outsourcing the job Stefano had given him to do to Bart and EJ didn't want to hand so much power over to his brother that easily. Right then EJ knew he was a mess, still raw from the devastation of Sami's letter and he didn't trust himself to say anything. With a last bitter look at Tony EJ simply stalked from the room, for once not caring what his father might think. He was in an agony that not even the pain of a few well aimed punches from Tony could touch and he needed to go away and try to regain some kind of control of the situation, EJ at least knew that much.

"What was that?" asked Stefano in consternation as the slamming of front door told him that EJ had left.

"A DiMera should be able to take a few home truths and a little prod now and again," said Tony unapologetically as he wiped away the blood from his mouth, "He is weak and indulged and his lack of character is beginning to show. Surely you can see Father that Elvis is not capable of handling pressure of any kind. If he behaves like this because of a few off hand comments then how can you expect such a man to run the DiMera empire?"

"Something must have provoked him," said Stefano doggedly, "Elvis is not given to outbursts such as this."

"He is unstable," said Tony flatly, pouring himself another glass of scotch and downing it quickly, grimacing as the alcohol stung his raw flesh and he touched a finger to it gingerly.

"He is upset," Stefano corrected him with a frown, "What is going on between my two sons? I demand to know Antony!"

"I think EJ is just finding the pressures of being a DiMera a little too much to handle Father," said Tony coolly as he turned back around to face the older man, "He has been pampered and indulged his whole life and has little understanding of what it really takes to get through this world."

"I have trained my son well," said Stefano with a scowl, clearly not liking the implication of otherwise.

"Of that I have no doubt," said Tony with a half shrug, "But a trainer is limited by the material they are given to work with in the beginning. Elvis has none of the internal fortitude or strength of character to do all the things that running the DiMera empire requires of him."

"He is young," dismissed Stefano easily, "Elvis will have his strength tested soon enough in this world and will learn what he is truly capable of. He is a DiMera with DiMera blood running through his veins."

"He also has Banks blood," Tony reminded him pointedly, "That crazy woman has an influence on him as well whether either one of you want to admit it."

"Bah," said Stefano with a wave of his hand, "His mother is of no consequence but I admit that my son has had the misfortune of having a woman such as Susan Banks in his life. That is why it must be Samantha Brady that stands by Elvis' side when he inherits my empire. As much as I want to see my father's greatest desire fulfilled I also know that Elvis will need a strong, passionate and at times ruthless woman by his side to become all that he can be. Once Elvis has secured this Brady woman so many things will have come full circle and many wrongs will be at last righted."

"Well here is hoping that happens soon eh Father?" suggested Tony, lifting his glass in a little toast to the idea, "I want very much for Elvis to get all that is coming to him very, very soon."

Tony took a sip of his scotch, the glass hiding his little knowing smile from his father.

Oh yes, Elvis was going to be getting all that he had coming to him soon enough.

Chapter ONE HUNDRED & EIGHTEEN – The Dark Side of the Moon

You know that when I hate you

It is because I love you to a point of passion that unhinges my soul.

~Julie de Lespinasse~

EJ sat out on the fire escape outside his living room window and slugged back another big mouthful of bourbon, having given up on using a glass after the first drink.

He had been working on sorting out the security guard shooting for days now but had gotten nowhere. The main problem was that he couldn't get himself to focus. Every time he tried to think of something other than Sami it only lasted a minute or two. It was like her going away had completely destroyed EJ and he just couldn't seem to string two coherent thoughts together. She'd been gone eight days now and this was the longest he'd ever been apart from her since they'd first met. He'd seen her every day since that first meeting and to be forced to go cold turkey like this was a painful experience that even EJ hadn't fully counted on the impact of.

He was lost without her.

EJ had heard all those sickly love songs that warbled of that horrible fate and had dismissed the term as being the fanciful ramblings of the weak. He knew better now. EJ knew now what it was to have his still beating heart ripped from his chest and left to die in the dirt. It was perplexing how it was that he hadn't actually died from such a wound and beyond annoying to him that his body continued to function even though EJ could see no reason to go on now. He wanted to die, he wanted to kill Samantha, scream at her for her unprovoked cruelty and beg at her feet to take him back. He hated her in that moment with a burning hatred that could only come out of a great and abiding love.

She'd devastated him in the most casual way possible and EJ told her that she deserved his hatred and scorn but even as he convinced himself of that fact he knew he was shaking with the need to see her again, to hear her voice and to tell her he loved her. He'd rung her at least a hundred times but she never picked up. He'd gotten so pathetic now that he'd just hold on and listen to her voice mail message, just to hear her voice. EJ had given up leaving her messages. He'd already pleaded with her, threatened her, begged her, been patient, been enraged – it changed nothing.

He needed to see her but knew that could only happen if he could manage to sort out being in the frame for this security guard murder. The more he tried to come up with a plan to fix that problem the more the answer seemed to elude him. EJ knew it was the only way he could see Sami again and until he sorted this he was at her mercy as to when he'd be able to see her again. She could stay in Switzerland for months if she wanted to and that thought was EJ's undoing. A panicked desperation had overcome him and EJ couldn't seem to do anything other than alternately mourn Samantha's loss and plot vengeance against her.

He imagined her returning to him only for him to reject her this time, to have another woman by his side to shove in her face and show Sami all that she had lost. It salved his wounded heart to imagine variations of that scenario over and over in his head, always leaving Sami broken and sobbing on the ground as he walked away from her for good. It may have made him feel better temporarily, vindicated even, to fantasise such things but even in this destroyed state EJ was in he knew that all Sami would have to do was look at him and smile and he would be utterly lost again and that made him so angry – at her, at himself for being so in her thrall that he would suffer through anything to have her.

So that night he'd picked up the bottle of bourbon and started drinking, in dire need of some kind of pain relief, even if it was the sweet oblivion of alcohol. EJ just needed to not to be feeling this agony, if only for a few hours. The thing was the more he drank the sadder and angrier he got and worst of all, the more he missed Sami. Nothing seemed to be helping but EJ had no other plan other than to keep on drinking.

"You'll catch your death out there."

EJ looked over at the window to see Sami standing there, watching him with mild interest.

"What do you care?" growled EJ, taking another swig of his drink in angry defiance and then using that same drink to prop his head up with as he looked morosely down at the street below.

"Don't," she said with a little shrug, walking away from the window.

"Yeah and I don't care about you!" he called back to her, his words slurring now.

He didn't want to talk to the fake Sami; he wanted the real thing even if the real thing didn't want him.

"I never asked you to," she returned coolly and that snapped the last remnant of EJ's control for some reason.

He clambered off the fire escape and back through the window, a little unsteadily but managing it – just.

"Who do you think you are?!" he hissed the question at her as she turned around and looked at him coolly.

She was wearing the black dress, the one he'd gotten her on the island and it seemed like she was intent on breaking his heart over and over again.

"I can tell you what I am EJ," she said casually, "And that is bored with you. Aren't you sick of being this pathetic all the time? You trail around after Sami and she never gives you anything but crumbs but you're just grateful for any kind of attention from her aren't you – even if it is pity."

"Samantha loves me!" he yelled, "You know you do!"

EJ's alcohol addled brain was having trouble keeping straight who he was talking to, Sami, Sam or some other creature conjured from his subconscious to torture him. What he did know was that he was teetering on the brink of completely losing all control.

"At some point you're just going to have to accept the fact that you've been deluding yourself EJ," she said flatly, "She doesn't want this and she certainly doesn't want you – now grow a pair and deal with it."

"Grow a pair?!" growled EJ, quickly covering the distance between them, anger giving him sudden coordination as he grabbed Sami by the arms and shoved her roughly against the wall, catching her off guard, "Do you mean like this? Is this what you wanted all along eh Samantha? Do you want me to make the decision for you?!"

"Let go of me," she said dourly, struggling against him as best she could be he had her feet nearly off the ground so it was difficult, "You're hurting me EJ!"

"Good!" hissed EJ, tightening his grip on her arms and feeling his fingers bite cruelly into the soft flesh, "How about you have a turn at being the one in agony for a change eh?!"

"Stop being an idiot and let me go!" said Sami, struggling fiercely now but EJ just picked her up and threw here over his shoulder, striding with her towards his bedroom.

"No!" he bit out as he dumped her on the bed and Sami immediately tried to scramble off the bed but EJ grabbed her.

They wrestled around and somehow EJ was able to strip the little black dress from her body, leaving Sami in even littler matching black bra and panties and at the same time he did away with his coat and shirt.

"Don't even think about it!" raged Sami as she wiggled about on the bed.

"Oh I'm going to do more than just think about it," said EJ tightly, just wanting to dominate and control her in that moment as he knelt on the bed, pulling her legs up on either side of his thighs so that her backside was now in his lap.

"I don't want this!" she yelled at him.

"You don't know what you want!" spat out EJ, unable to think beyond the moment.

The alcohol had just made everything suddenly simple to him – if he could have her again then Sami was his. It seemed perfectly logical as long as EJ didn't think too hard about it and he was intent on not thinking at all in that moment. Without anymore thought beyond that he released himself from his pants and pulled aside Sami's panties and drove himself into her. She cried out and tried to be break free from him but EJ was having none of that.

"You don't get to leave me again!" he said hoarsely, beginning to move inside of her roughly.

Her hands hit out at his chest, clawing at his face but EJ only welcomed the pain, finding it a strange relief from the pain he'd been carrying around since Sami abandoned him. In a fit of frustration EJ grabbed at her throat, large hand circling the slender length easily.

"LOVE ME!" he ordered her, his hand tightening around Sam's neck, "Why won't you love me Samantha?!"

Her lips were going blue and EJ realised he was choking the life from her and had a grim satisfaction at knowing he had this small measure of control over her at long last. He loosened his grip but kept his hand at her throat before crushing her lips under his, intent on hurting her like she'd hurt him. EJ was so confused he didn't even know what it was that he wanted from her anymore that would help ease his pain right then. No matter how many times he pushed himself inside her EJ couldn't find his satisfaction and it was driving him beyond the brink of madness. EJ began to sob then, his grief overwhelming him as he buried his face in her neck, all the alcohol he'd consumed unleashing all of his emotions in a confusing torrent.

"Come back to me," he moaned against her shoulder the tears streaming down his face, "I can't bear it Samantha, come back to me!"

"Never!" she bit out, still trying to struggle away from him.

"Stop pushing me away!" he screamed at her, still oscillating between grief and rage.

EJ grabbed her arms and pinned them above her head, forcing her into submission underneath him with his superior strength and size. EJ pushed himself as deeply as he could inside of her, wanting some way to claim her as his own, an act of brutal possession rather than any kind of love. Somewhere in the back of his alcohol addled brain EJ knew that if this had been real he would have been hurting Sami a lot and to his horror there was almost a grim kind of satisfaction to that thought. Sami looked up at him, her eyes cold and hateful as she gave up her struggle against him, realising she couldn't win and seeming to know his dark thoughts.

"Now you know why I can never love you," she hissed out bitterly.

Her words cut through EJ's madness and suddenly he could see himself through those angry blue eyes and was repulsed by what he was doing and thinking. EJ immediately released her, reeling back as though she'd struck him as he realised what he'd become and how far he'd fallen. Sami pressed her advantage, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand and leaving bloody streaks across one cheek, evidence of the fierceness of EJ's punishing kisses.

"You're a sick animal EJ DiMera and I will never love you," she said coldly, "I ran because I can't bear to look at you for another minute and this just proves it that I'm right to despise you. No one who truly knows you will ever love you… ever!"

EJ covered his ears, unable to hear her saying this to him, the pain worse than anything he could ever have imagined. It struck at a secret fear he'd held tightly inside him for so long that even EJ hadn't given a name to it. Perhaps that had been why he'd been so readily able to identify that same fear in Sami because he shared her concern. Could anyone really love either one of them if that person knew just how deep the darkness inside them really went?

EJ knew he loved Sami not in spite of all her supposed failings but because of them. She was the most human, passionate, vibrant and truly alive person he knew and EJ loved every single part of her, tortured psyche and all. As soon as he'd met Sami he'd known he'd met a kindred spirit in her. It was an instinct that came from deep within, a like recognising like and instantly bonding over that sameness even as they fought tooth and nail. A terrifying fear ripped through EJ that if Sami, with all the same darkness inside of her, couldn't love him then he truly would be alone in this world, totally unable to show his true self to anyone. The loneliness and fear opened like a pit at his feet and the unbearable feeling of the loss of a woman he knew he would always love with his entire heart and who might never love him the same way.

He pushed himself away from Sami and her hard, emotionless eyes, scrambling backwards off the bed and onto the floor until his back hit the wall behind him. EJ pulled up his knees to his chest, trying to ward off the horror of what he'd just done, real or not and what it meant for Sami and him ever being together. All the alcohol and his soul destroying sadness at being separated from Sami overtook him and as he pulled himself into a ball and began to cry – a man truly alone and lost in that moment.

oooOOOOooo

Sami rolled over in bed, half waking from a fitful slumber plagued with dreams of EJ. She lifted her head off the pillow, blinking blearily in the gloom as she suddenly felt the bed dip and she knew she wasn't alone anymore.

"EJ," she breathed, her heart soaring at seeing him there.

"Hello my beautiful girl," he said softly as he climbed under the sheets with her.

"I've missed you so much," said Sami shakily, painful tears pricking her eyes at seeing him there.

"Shh, my love," said EJ, gathering her tenderly into his arms.

"Don't hate me," she begged him through a broken sob as she clung to him helplessly.

"I could never hate you Samantha," he reassured her huskily and she felt him press a soft kiss to her the top of her head, "I love you."

"No matter what?" she asked him unevenly.

"No matter what," he promised her, drawing her closer to him.

"I love you EJ," she told him achingly, burying her face in his chest and squeezing her eyes closed and losing herself in this wonderful dream.

"I know sweetheart," he reassured her quietly, "I've always known."

Sami never wanted to wake up again, this was the only place that she and EJ could ever be together again she thought in desolation as she once again cried herself to sleep...