Queen Luana: Here I am, once again. I'm watching boffyrox' walkthrough on youtube. Yeah, the name lacks subtlety, but the guy's funny and, unlike NintendoCentral; he does the walkthrough with ordinary weapons. Seriously. Why would people need a walkthrough if they have the Chicago Typewriter? And holy Christ it's eight AM! How early did I get up? I mean, I went to bed at two AM or something… Oh, and I realised it was a toast to our royal majesty, instead of a drink. Sorry about that, I'll make it right this time.

Armodur-my-ass

"I'm telling you it's not safe!" Ashley clutched my arm.

Ahead of me was a small corridor with armour leaning against the walls. Some were staring straight ahead, like armours usually do. A few however had turned to me and raised their blades.

"They attacked me while I was finding a way back," she said.

I tucked a dread behind my ear and released my arm from Ashley's grip. "I've had worse than some scrap metal."

"Just be careful."

I reloaded my Colt just to be sure, then stepped forward cautiously. They were just armour, big deal. Then why did I feel like being watched while walking through. I heard a shriek next to my ear and from the corner of my eye saw a piece of shiny metal coming down. Coming down fast. I dived forward, feeling the air sweep past my thigh as I did. I tumbled over the ground and landed on my back, at the feet of another armour. "Shit…" The blade came down, I rolled to my right quickly and the axe pierced the ground where my head had been nanoseconds ago. I stared at the ceiling, gasping for air, while the armour collapsed and fell into shreds on the flour.

"Alex?!" Ashley ran to me and leaned over. "You okay?"

"I've seen my life flash by too many times already," I muttered and allowed her to help me up.

"Scrap metal huh?"

"Yeah, ouch…" I touched the cuts on my side and saw they had started to bleed again.

"Where'd you get that?" She asked me as I dabbed it with a hanky.

"You don't wanna know," I told her, "let's hope you don't live to see one. Hah… Perhaps that's not the right thing to say considering the circumstances." I patted her shoulder. "Let's hope you'll see plenty." The corridor had made us walk straight into a round room. "Funny thing, those round rooms," I said as Ashley approached the showcase standing in the middle, "they always look so… booby trapped."

"Look," Ashley said and pointed at the golden cup. "A toast to our royal majesty?"

"Good, nice perceptivity," I said. "You only missed one slightly vital detail." I pointed at the golden plaque underneath it. "May wrath of evil befall the one who disturbs this holy grail."

"Oh… that's not good," she said and bit her lip.

"No actually it is," I smiled, "it means this truly is what we're looking for." I took my shotgun. "Step out of the room."

"Are you actually going to take it?" she asked me in disbelieve. "Guns can't always save you."

"I know," I smiled. "The ceiling can come crashing down. This place could turn into an inferno. Things like these take a little bit of reason and a little bit of luck." I pointed at four rectangular walls. "See those things? They look awfully turnable. It wouldn't amaze me if something came barging in as soon as I take the cup. And I don't think that the ceiling will fall down, neither that this room will burst into flames. It could damage the grail. Then again…" I smiled broadly. "I could be wrong. So step outside."

She nodded reluctantly and shuffled out of the room.

I took a deep breath. "Here goes. Don't let me down." I took the grail. Almost instantly the walls I had observed earlier turned. Hell yeah. The entrance to the room closed as well and Ashley shouted my name before I faced my enemies. And fuck I wish the ceiling had come down.

In stepped three armours with their axes and swords. Eyeless as they were they spotted my instantly and steadily headed towards me.

Piece of…

Ashley was walking back and forth in front of the sealed room and jumped when it opened again and I staggered out. "I need to sit down for a moment," I told her and pressed the grail into her hands. I sank down against the wall, trembling.

"You okay?" she asked me and checked my body for any serious injuries.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I told her, "it's okay. There were six of them in total… they just wouldn't go down. Now, let's sit and rest." I closed my eyes and listened to the wind howling outside. There were noises here and there, but they were too far off to be considered dangerous.

"Maybe I'll become an agent myself someday," Ashley suddenly stated.

I opened my eyes and looked at her. She had the grail tightly clutched against her chest but her face didn't show the least bit of fear or weakness. I smiled feebly. "Maybe someday you will."

"I just figured," she continued, "I've gone through so much already. Always protected by either you or Leon of course, but still…" She turned to me. "Would you teach me how to use a gun?"

I laughed and straightened up. "Once I get rid of my irresponsible reputation, maybe I will."

"Irresponsible?" she said.

"During my training, I've given many supervisors a nervous breakdown," I told her. "They couldn't handle my style. I relied too much on cheer luck. Nevertheless, all my assignments were successive, but people just don't like being on my team. They can't keep up and they get hurt. If I tell them I have a potential student…" I punched her shoulder with a laugh and she winced. "They'll certify you insane and possibly suicidal."

"That's okay," she said softly. "My father wouldn't allow it anyway."

I stood up and pulled her to her feet. "I'll have a word with him when we get back."

"Where have you been?" Leon was waiting back at the statues when we came running.

"Girl talk," I told him sweetly while Ashley placed the grail in the hands of the King's Statue. I saw another grail had been placed in the Queen's hands and in a matter of seconds de doors opened.

"I was worried," he said while we walked on into another hallway and pushed the next door open.

"Okay, now that is just fucking gross," I said. We had entered a room with a small path leading to the other side. There was something hanging right above it. It was buzzing, it was pulsing, it was sliming, it was making me nauseous. "Seriously who would want to live in a place like this."

"I suggest we move fast," Leon stated. "Head towards the door on the other side."

"Hey hang on a sec," I suddenly said.

"What?"

I checked my cell phone. "It's been hours since I heard of Hunnigan!" I cried. I hadn't missed any calls and my battery was just fine. "I just realised! She hasn't been bothering me for ages."

"Alex, this really isn't the time," Leon hissed.

"No, seriously," I said. "Something must've happened!"

"Save it for later, we have to leave!"

With a nod I tucked away my cell and we fastened our pace and made our way across. We were halfway however when the buzzing got louder and swooshed right past my ear. Ashley screamed when some sort of steroid bug clutched her waist and lifted her up into the air.

"ALEX!"

"Ashley!" I cried and saw her disappear out of one of the windows. "Damn it. If that girl wasn't so kidnap-prone I'd think I really suck at my job."

Leon hushed me.

"Don't you hush me!"

"There's more of them," he told me and listening carefully, I heard more buglike buzzing. "Let's move."

"Right." We hurried across the bridge when two of them landed in front of us. Hissing and squeaking they approached us.

"Don't let them come near you," Leon told me as we both pulled our guns.

"Thank you, Mr. Obvious!" I said and rolled my eyes. We shot them and ran on.

"We can't let them get away with Ashley!" Leon said as we busted through the door and ran back outside.

We had just reached a bridge when my cell rang. Fuck yes, can't believe I was glad to hear that annoying woman. "Hunnigan?" I said with a smile when I flicked open my cell. There was cold laughter on the other side.

"Afraid not, miss Grace," a high Spanish voice came from the other side. "I wonder if you can see me."

"Salazar!" I snapped. Where the fuck had he gotten my cell number? "You lay a finger on her, I'll let you know what it feels like to have your brains scooped from your skull!"

He laughed at my threat. "We shall see if you can make it this far. I'll be waiting."

"Salazar!"

He hung up.

I wanted to toss it away in frustration but mustered enough control to put it away again.

"Alex, over there," Leon said and motioned to our right. I could just catch a glimpse of that darn midget waving at me before he walked into another section of the castle.

"I shall enjoy killing him soooo much," I said through gritted teeth.

"Come on, let's hurry. Run."

Fuck this. I was so glad I could talk to somebody else but me; I'm excluding insulting and belittling Leon here. Even though Ashley had been a real pain in the ass at times up until now, with her being kidnapped and all, at least she hadn't been a cocky testosteronmachine that had been responsible for the death of my future husband years ago. And yeah, I think I'll blame him for Luis' death as well. Until I get to Saddler, I need a scapegoat.

We crossed the first bridge, ran around the clock tower and onto the second bridge where we were welcomed by a few shielded cultists making their way towards us. "Grenade," I said but Leon stopped me.

"You want to risk blowing up the bridge?" he snapped. "Leave it to me."

"Fine," I said and crossed my arms while he took his rifle. "Do whatever your cocky attitude tells you to do."

"You don't really have the right to call somebody cocky, you know Alex," he told me while he sniped the first cultist and then the second.

"Well, just tell your cocky attitude that there are a few of them coming from behind us as well."

"What?!" He spun round and could just shoot an incoming cultist that had stood about a yard away from him.

"You have a jolly good time," I said and took my shotgun. "I'll take care of these guys." Blast, splutter, I love my job. I've experienced some mixed feelings during my stay in this area concerning my job. Strange. "You freakin' freaks!" Okay, it's about time we get out of here, I'm running out of tough catchphrases. I might even end up talking like Leon… ugh…

One of the cultists dared sneaking up on me while I was reloading. Then this is what you get. Knife slices open wrist, Alex sneaks up real close to you and presses her handgun in your neck. "See you in hell." I fired and nearly black blood splashed onto my face. Thank God, I had my mouth close as I'm sure I would've retched and vomited on the spot. And that would've ruined my shoes. I like my shoes. I wiped off the blood. "There's more coming in," I told Leon who was still going at it with his handgun. "I suggest we run for it."

And so we did, across the bridge at high speed. I was exhausted but I ran nonetheless. I really had to work on my stamina. I had none. I pushed the gate open and Leon and I barged in. I pushed the door close again and Leon shoved a closet in front of it.

"That oughta keep them busy for a while," he said. "In the meantime, let's go find Ashley."

We found Salazar with his two cloaked henchmen in a large room. He had settled down on his throne and smiled with glee when we enterred. Ashley was kneeled down and guarded by two spears held in front of her. She looked up when she saw us. "Alex! Leon!"

I stepped forward. "Salazar! Why I oughta…"

Leon held me back. "Take it easy…"

Salazar laughed mockingly. "You two don't know when to throw in the towel…" He waved with his one hand then pressed a red button right next to his chair.

"Red buttons suck," I muttered and checked around me. You know that feeling when you're half asleep and suddenly it's like your bed disappears and you fall down for a sec? You know how much of a relief it is to find that after that nanosecond of fear you're still lying safely in your bed?

Then you should be able to figure out how much of an unrelief it is when the ground doesn't reappear.

We sank right into the ground and I saw the room flashing by when both Leon and me fell down. I shrieked wave my arms and managed to tighten them around Leon's waste. I heard a cable being released and he jolted then came to a sudden halt. I almost lost my grip.

Leon however coughed when my arms tugged at his waist. "Alex…" he grunted. He looked round and saw a brass shaft at which he aimed his handgun while the other hand held the cable that was keeping us from crashing down tightly. "Won't fall for this old trick…" He fired once then tucked his gun away. "Okay, hang on, I'm gonna lower us down."

"Just for the record," I told him as we descended, now with my arms around his neck and my legs around his waist, "you did not just save my ass. I saved my own ass by clinging onto you."

"Whatever you say, Alex…"

We dropped down on moist ground. "Well what do you know," I said with a smile and watched the large spikes we had fortunately missed, "there is a spike pit in here."

"What's that?"

"Nuthin'." We both turned on our flashlights. "God, it's cold in here."

"Ladder," Leon said and pointed at what his flashlight illuminated. "Right there."

We made our way for it and climbed up. I checked my cell. No connection. Good, now that midget can't bother me for a while. "Funny how death pits always have exits, don't you think?" I smiled as we stood in front of a tunnel.

"Ladies first."

"There go my shoes," I said and splashed into the ankle deep sewer water. "Ugh, that smells. And it's soaking into my shoes! Maan… I've just dried up from the pouring rain outside."

"It stopped raining a while ago."

"Yeah whatever," I mumbled. We wandered through the sewer water. "So, know any good jokes?"

"Not really. You?"

"A guy walks into a bar. And he says: 'Ouch!'" I nudged him. "Get it? Get it? Ah forget it…" I climbed the steps leading to dry ground and a door and walked in. "Believe it or not, I think we're being followed."

"Your instincts again?" he asked me and rolled his eyes while we wandered through the dark hallway.

"You can say whatever you want, but they've never been wrong," I told him and I pressed a finger against his chest. "It may've led me to locked doors, but to the right ones nonetheless."

"You've just got luck on your side-"

The door behind us slammed open and we turned around. Nothing.

"What the fuck was that?" I asked him.

"I don't know," he mumbled. "But let's not take any chances and move."

"Right." We hurried through the tunnel, following the arrows indicated on the walls. "There's something moving," I breathed as we took a right. I had heard clattering aside the sound made by our feet on the metal grids. We barged into the elevator room.

Leon hurried towards the elevator shaft. "The power's out."

"Shit," I cursed. "Out of here."

"Well, where is it?"

"I don't fucking know!" I told him as we ran back into the tunnel. My heart skipped a beat as we ran. "It's above us." I ducked out of the way when I heard a noise right above me and saw a sharp tentacle missing me by an inch or so. I saw Leon's face going pale and he gazed up. I staggered to my feet and broke into a run.

Leon pulled himself together and followed me. "What is that thing?!"

"How should I know?" I cried and blinked when we ran right passed a red bottle. "What's in the tanks?"

"The what?"

"The tanks! We passed two of them already!" I told him. We reached another door and ran inside. "This seems like the power room…" Taking from all the heavy machines, it was. "Find something, a switch or I don't know. Turn the power back on!" There was another red tank standing in the room. I read the subscription. "Liquid Nitrogen." I frowned. What's that doing here? I heard clattering above me. "It's in here."

I heard Leon scream in surprise and saw him fall backwards. Yeah, it would've been little trouble to check whether he was okay, but I figured finding a switch to bring the power back thus guaranteeing my own life, was more important. Call me selfish; see if I care.

Around the corner, all the way in the back, I found a large red lever. "Thank you." I pulled it down and heard a strange noise. "Leon?"

"The door closed!"

"What?" I ran back into the clear. "What do you mean the door closed?" There was no way I had actually pulled a switch that worked against me!

"It's a safety lock!" he said.

"Well then try to open it!" I said in annoyance and stepped up to push him aside and let me do it, when something, something, suddenly dropped down between us. It looked at me. And it looked pissed off. "Leon, if you don't hurry up and get that door open, I will so kick your ass." I stumbled backwards staring straight into the tall creature's red eyes. I bumped into the tank of nitrogen. Hello…

The thing hissed at me. I turned around and knocked down the tank. I burst open and a thick white vapour consumed the creature and froze it in place. I could feel it glare at me, but all it could do in actions was twitch slightly.

"The door's open!" Leon cried and I quickly made my way past the still frozen creature. Leon was waiting by the door.

"Don't just stand there!" I shouted in his face. "Fucking run, you idiot!" We sprinted through the tunnel, back to the elevator. Way in the back, I could hear the clanging on the metal grids, warning me the creature was on the move again. "Get in the elevator! Now, now, now!" We jumped in, I pressed the button and with a shudder the elevator went down. I panted and wiped the sweat off my forehead.

"Well, that was scary…" Leon breathed.

"That's it," I said, "one more tentacle thing trying to impale me, and I'm asking for a raise."

Queen Luana: You're probably wondering what I'm keeping the rocket launcher for. Not too many choices are there? Hey, I've finished this pretty quickly now haven't I? Sweet. Probably because it's autumn break as you might call it. No school for a sweet week. Hey, does anyone of you happen to know what software/hardware I need to be able to upload the games I play as videos on y computer. Yeah I'm not that good with words. You know, the stuff I'd need to make a walkthrough. Ah whatever, I'll ask a store clerk or something.