My stomach had perpetual butterflies. As pussy-shitted as that sounded, that's what it was. The better thing to say was that my stomach was tearing itself into pieces upon pieces. I looked in the mirror and saw nothing different about myself. All I could feel was pain shooting through my legs and hips.

My skin was pale and my eyes had dark circles under them. My hair was limp and lifeless, so I threw it up into a ponytail and put my hood up – his hood up. I had bruises all over my skin from his lips. My chest was purple and brown and some of it red. My lips were the only things that looked normal. But I wished they didn't.

Was sex supposed to make people feel better? It made me feel worse. I replayed the image of Edward going out of my window in my head over and over again. He didn't even stay around to see if I was okay…

And that was why I sat in my old Chevy truck in the school's parking lot fifteen minutes before it started. I left the house an hour early so I could avoid him. I couldn't take a painful car ride with him. He didn't even notice me in my truck as he pulled into school. I saw him looking, but I parked in the faculty lot and then moved it to the student section.

I couldn't avoid him for long, that much was obvious. I knew he'd be looking for me; neither one of us could just let this thing simmer. The longer it did the more we'd think about it. I'd be the first to admit that my mind tended to get out of hand. I was an over thinker, and Edward hated that. But what the hell did he expect me to think when he just left?

I could hear the bell ring for first period and I stepped out of my truck. I went around building five and took the long way to the third. Once inside, I took my regular seat, and avoided Alice and Rosalie's stares. I didn't even bother listening to Jessica or Lauren talk loudly and obviously beside me. I blocked everything out and stared blankly at the board in front of me.

The pain that was shooting through my body kept me more than occupied. I would squeeze my nails into my palms once in a while, just to see if it would stop a little. It didn't work; I just had two more sore spots. My knees knocked together through most of class. I was afraid to walk.

And when that godforsaken bell rang, I wanted to just run out of the building. English went by just as Spanish did. I shoved my nose in the book and finished half of it by the time class was over. It was excruciating to go to my next class… so I didn't.

I walked right out of the building and to the bleachers at the stadium. The ground was mud beneath my feet but I trudged through it, sitting under the large metal structure and on the concrete beneath. It was cold and unwelcoming, but I felt the same: cold and unwanted.

Wrapping my arms around my legs, I buried my face into my lap. I began to shake violently, not from the cold, but from the clouds of confusion and fear swimming in my head. My best friend couldn't even look me in the eye. He didn't look at me once last night. He didn't say anything affectionate like in the books and movies. He didn't kiss me, or smile at me. I had expected . . . God, it was what I wanted. I just wanted it to be normal, for nothing to change.

I was a hypocrite, a stupid idiot who couldn't make up her damn mind. Tears stung at my eyes and fell down in steady torrents.. I sobbed and sniffled my heart out. It was what I expected! I wanted it to be like this! What was I thinking would happen? I knew this would be quick, I knew it would be painful… just not like… this.

I prayed for a short moment: God strike me down, or be damned. Foot steps were a few feet away beside me, and I looked up. Be damned.

He was standing there, looking at me like I was a homeless person in need of a Random Act of Kindness. He looked at me with hard, sullen eyes, and he had bruises under them. Good, I was glad he'd lost sleep, too.

He took a step forward and sat on the concrete beside me, a few feet away. I wanted to punch him. Hard. It wasn't fair that I was so confused and hurt and he—

"I'm sorry." He murmured. He didn't look at me, and I kept my watery eyes on the field in front of me. "I messed everything up."

I cleared my throat, and when I spoke, my voice came out hoarse and cracked. "Takes two to tango."

"Doesn't help if one partner is a self-destructive asshole." He mumbled while pulling his legs up to sit Indian style.

"Or if one of them can't dance." He looked at me, but I didn't move my eyes to him.

"This was a mistake from the very beginning." My heart clenched in my throat and I swallowed it back. "I should've kept my damn mouth shut, and now look where it's gotten us. How bad are you hurting?"

I kept my mouth shut, not ready to speak just yet. My jaw wouldn't listen to me; it just hung slack. My throat was dry and there was something sticking in it that wouldn't allow me to speak. But my silence lead him on, knowing exactly what was wrong.

"Remember when we were in eighth grade and we were jumping off the couch wrestling?" I stayed silent. "You hit your arm on the coffee table and started bleeding everywhere. When my dad took you to the hospital they had to give you a transfusion and your arm was casted. You even spent the night, and I stayed with you." He sighed.

"What does that have to do with anything?" I asked, my throat finally clearing up.

"Remember what I told you?" I thought back to the time he was thinking of and remembered the white cot where we'd spent the night. My arm throbbed at the memory.

"You were sorry?" I tried.

"No, I said 'I'll never hurt you again as long as I live'. And that's been somewhat the truth. But last night, I hurt you worse than ever."

"Yeah, I know you did." I shot back. He stiffened beside me and turned his whole body to face me. So it was time already? I breathed in deeply and turned to him.

He looked terrible. His hair was sticking up everywhere; he'd been running his hands through it. He hadn't shaved the light peach fuzz that was coming around his jaw and chin. His skin was just like mine, sallow and pale from no sleep. His eyes were even rimmed with red and purple. He also smelled of body spray.

He hadn't gone home, just used someone's Tag so that he didn't smell like B.O. all day. His eyes were dark and guarded; I hated the expression he wore. I wanted to tear it all away and see him laughing and smiling and telling me perverted jokes and teasing me… but I couldn't make that happen.

"What needs to be said?" he asked. I held a straight face while my insides blanched.

"Why don't you figure it out? I'm sure it's not that difficult."

"I would if I could, Bella. I can't, though." He narrowed his eyes and the column of his throat expanded as he swallowed. "I don't fucking know, okay? I'm confused and I just want you to tell me! No more guessing games. Tell me, or don't tell me."

"It shouldn't be that difficult!" I screamed, lurching to my feet and wincing in pain at the shock that ran through my legs. "But I guess I see how not looking me in the eye and then abruptly leaving after 'Popping my Cherry' and having me sit wide awake all night wondering what the hell just happened doesn't strike a chord. I see that you really don't get it, Edward."

He stood up and looked me in the eye. "You asked me to do it! You made up your mind and decided to straddle my dick. This was your decision. I'll take the blame, though. This whole thing is my fucking fault. I was selfish, I can admit that. Can you admit to your fault?"

I stood still, looking at him. My tongue wouldn't move when I opened my mouth. I snapped my jaw shut and then opened it again.. I had nothing to say.

"That's what I thought." He said, turning and walking away. I watched his back turn from me and into the parking lot.

I dropped to my knees on the spot. I buckled to the ground, whether from unnoticed pain or shock, I wasn't sure. I knew he was watching me, but I didn't look up. I waited for a few minutes, staring at the ground before the tears that were streaming down my cheeks were freezing over. My body was too numb to do anything. I ruined everything.

My eyes shut and I leaned into the cement I had been sitting on. "Strike me down or be damned." I whimpered.

A/N: I'm a bitch for not updating. :D

A lot of you were really harsh on the fact that Edward left her. Here's the thing, this AH, AU and OOC. Edward the vampire has great self control and respect, Edward the human? Not so much. He got scared and all that, it'll be explained in the next chapter. I love the next chapter by the way, absolutely love it. I put Carlisle in it, too; that makes it like ten times better.

True story: I was playing wrestling with my best friend, Damien, (yes that's right, I used to watch wrestling every Monday and Friday night back when the WWF was around. I got Rob Van Dam's autograph) and I decided I was gonna do that Five Star Frog Splash thing, but I'm girly and petite so it doesn't work. Long story short, I bashed my arm on the table and lost a lot of blood. I still get made fun of for it.

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